


I'm The Only One

by Hudstrige1



Category: The Fosters
Genre: Angst, BoyxBoy, Fluff, Gay, Heartbreak, LGBT, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 04:49:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 48
Words: 169,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8131054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hudstrige1/pseuds/Hudstrige1
Summary: Connor Stevens just moved to Los Angeles, and is living with his mother Jeanette. Dealing with a long distance relationship between his boyfriend Jude who's two cities away, he's all he can think about.In his first week at his new school, he meets Sam.





	1. Miss

**Author's Note:**

> When it comes to Jude, this story paints him as the bad guy, which I rightfully see him as. If you have a problem sign that, kindly click off. Feedback is always appreciated. Thanks for reading!

January 25th: Miss:  
Jeanette Stevens has to wake up her fourteen year-old son, for his first day of eighth grade at a new school.  
"Connor, it's almost seven thirty. Wake up."  
She speaks softly, lightly touching his back. He mutters, sitting up and wooing wiping his bloodshot eyes.  
The first thing he checks is his phone, which is charging on his right bedside table. No texts from Jude. But surprisingly, one from the reason why he's even in Los Angeles in the first place.  
His father.  
**Hey bud. You doing alright?**  
Sent at six fifty eight a.m.  
Connor glares bluntly at the message.  
_'No, I'm here because of your close minded ass.'_ He rants in his head.  
Instead of replying to Adam, he texts Jude. **Morning beautiful. I really really miss you.**  
"Connor, you can check your phone later."  
"Okay, okay. Sorry." He quickly sends his text, before unplugging his phone from the charger and standing up.  
He anxiously waits for Jude's text, as he turns on the shower in the bathroom that's connected to his bedroom. He taps his fingers on the glass shower door.  
"You doing okay today?" Jeanette asks, observing him picking out an outfit to wear, back in his room. "I miss Jude." Is all he speaks, picking out a usual flannel shirt from his closet.  
"Since when did you start wearing so much flannel."  
"I miss Jude, Mom." He ignores her comment, taking off the soft cotton shirt he slept in. "I know you do, baby. When's the last time you talked to him?"  
"We texted last night for a couple hours. I just texted him."  
"You'll see him again."  
Throwing both shirts on the floor, he turns to her with a look of betrayal. "When?"  
"Soon."  
"Well how long is soon? I'm dying here."  
"Connor, you just got here yesterday. You know that right?"  
"Mom, do you have any idea what it's like to go from seeing someone _every day,_ from barely ever seeing them at all?" He challenges her.  
"I know it's hard not seeing him in person, baby. But you have video chat. Texting. Calling. Your generation is lucky to have so much technology at your finger tips."  
"Yeah, I know..." He sees her point, awkwardly breaking eye contact.  
"Plus, you are still in the same state."  
This makes him look at her again. "I know, but, he's in San Diego. An entirely different city. That's a _lot_ of trains!" He exclaims anxiously.  
"Take a quick warm shower. It'll take your mind off of it. You're gonna see him again." She assures, before slowly observing her son's abs.  
"You been working out?"  
_"Mom!"_ His voice turns high pitched in embarrassment, his face flushing hard.  
"Don't get embarrassed! It's just a question..." She speaks, voice high strung.  
"Yeah, I guess..." He answers, continuing to blush.  
"You trying to look good for him?" She asks simply.  
_"Mom! Stop!"_ His tone returns humiliated, cheeks burning deeper.  
She chuckles. "I'm joking. Take a shower, grease ball. Don't forget you have football tryouts after school."  
"I know..." His back is now turned, walking over to the open bathroom doorway.  
He walks over to the bathroom sink, where he had placed his phone.  
No new messages. Groaning, he places the phone back down with a smack.  
Jaw clenched with a scowl on his face, he slams the bathroom door shut.  
In the shower, he tries not to take too long. He debates on wether to take care of his erection or not, depending on how long it'll take him. Then again, by how sexually frustrated he is, it shouldn't take him that long to finish.  
He can't help but think of Jude. And not just because he misses him more that he's ever missed anyone in life. He bites his bottom lip in guilt, trying not to think of him in that sort of way.  
The closest they've ever gotten to doing anything sexual was a shirtless steamy make out session, before his Dad walked in and took Jude home, not giving either of the boys a choice. That night, the same night they talked about Connor living with Jeanette, he insisted to Adam that he and Jude wouldn't have gone further than what they were already doing.  
But in reality, he doesn't really know if he can believe himself on that.  
He gulps, not wanting Jeanette to see his bulge when he gets out.  
A horny boy's gotta do what he's gotta do.  
"Connor! I said not too long!" He hears Jeanette yell behind the bathroom door with a hard knock, sending him out of the daze from his climax not even three minutes later.  
"Okay...!" He focuses on what he had released, washing down the drain.  
"You nervous?" Jeanette asks a wet but combed back haired, flannel shirt wearing Connor in the kitchen. He gets his backpack off of one of the kitchen chairs, setting it on his back.  
"For what? School...? I'll be okay..."  
"You've never been so new before. I don't want you feeling out of place."  
"I already do..." He can't help but mutter, eyes roaming around the kitchen.  
"Connor, I'm sorry." She runs a hand through his hair. "But you'll get used to it. You're not gonna be here forever. You'll get to visit Jude." His eyes light up.  
"And your father." She adds.  
That light instantly goes out. "Yeah..." He refuses eye contact again.  
"You talk to him?"  
"No..." He decides to tell the truth.  
"Connor, please-"  
"Why do _I_ have to talk to him? It's not like _you_ ever do." He protests, looking at her with defensive eyes.  
"Connor, you're his son."  
"Well _you're_ his ex wife. You married him. Had a kid with him. Seems like a _lot_ of history to me. I'm his _son_ , who he doesn't even _care_ about."  
"Connor, don't say that. Your father very much does care about you."  
"Then let me ask you something: if he cares about me so much...Then why am I here. Why am I not still with him, in San Diego? I'll tell you why. Because he wants me gone..."  
The room turns quiet, after those words are spoken.  
Jeanette can only gaze at him with heartbroken eyes. "Connor..." Her voice is gentle.  
"I need to go. Can't be late." He kisses her cheek. Putting on his sneakers, he runs out the front door.  
"I love you, Connor!" She worriedly yells out.  
"Love you too!" Are his last words to her, before closing the door behind him.  
Walking over to his bus stop that's only at the end of the block, he checks his phone again.  
Seeing Jude's name makes him gasp excitedly, an ear to ear grin crossing his face. He stops in his tracks.  
**Heyyyy. Miss you too. So so much. Good luck on your first day! <3**  
Heat rises to Connor's cheeks, repeatedly reading the text in his head.  
**Thanks love. All the luck on your exam. How are things this morning? How is everyone??** He eagerly texts back with a grin stuck to his face.  
Almost instantly, he receives a text back. But not one that exactly satisfies him.  
**I gotta go, but thank you. Talk to you later. I promise.**  
With a sad smile, Connor replies. **Defiantly. Can't wait. I love you.**  
He waits for Jude to text back at least a quick text saying that he loves him too. Saying that he can't wait to talk to him again either. Something.  
But even more than five minutes later, when his bus finally arrives, his phone reads nothing. 


	2. Not To Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting bullied. Football tryouts. Meeting your future blessing. You know, the usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!!

Chapter Two: Not To Worry:  
Connor sits alone in the very back of the bus, not wanting to interact with anyone.  
The ride to the school seems as if it's taking forever, until he sees the bus finally arrive in the parking lots drop off.  
He's one of the last to get off.  
With the time it takes to learn his first period class, get his schedule, find his locker and learn his combination, he's barely on time for class.  
"Sorry." He hastily apologizes, accidentally bumping into someone who he cannot make out, mind set too much on making it to class on time.  
Their shoulders brush lightly, before Connor makes his way past them.  
The said student watches Connor, as he runs down the hallway to his awaited classroom.  
Two classes go by. He doesn't talk to anyone.  
At lunch, a text from Jude is what turns his uneventful day around.  
**Hey. I'm at lunch hbu?**  
Not only does his face light up, but his eyes as well. Me too. **About to get some food.** He replies.  
**You didn't bring your own food?** Jude asks.  
**No, gotta buy mine.** Connor laughs silently as he sends it, knowing what Jude's going to say.  
**Disgusting.**  
Connor laughs, teasing him **well it's better than having a PB &J every day.**  
**Not anymore** texts Jude. **We're not allowed to bring peanuts anymore so now it's turkey every day.**  
Connor snickers at his explanation.  
**Still boring.**  
**Whatever weirdo, have fun eating your gross cafeteria food.**  
Connor laughs. **Well one day you're gonna run out of turkey and be apologizing to me once you have to eat school nachos.** He texts.  
**I'd rather die.** Jude's not giving up his argument.  
**Lmao don't say that.** Connor texts.  
**I should let you get your lunch. Text you later?**  
Connor inhales slowly. **Yep. Talk to you later.** He types out his reply. **I love you.**  
After seconds of hesitantly staring at those three words, he quickly deletes them. Not because he doesn't mean them. He just doesn't dare want Jude to think that he's too clingy.  
He sends the edited text, face now sweating. He doesn't have to tell Jude that he loves him with every farewell, because he knows Jude already knows so.  
That must be why Jude doesn't tell him very often, right?  
_I'm overthinking this way too much._ He insists to himself. He puts his phone away in his pocket, finally walking over to the lunch line.  
After getting his meal, he slowly walks around the cafeteria, carefully observing the tables before him.  
He sees two guys that look to be about his age, wondering if he can sit with them.  
"Whatever, dude. You're such a faggot." One teases the other. They cackle, and Connor scratches that idea off of his mind.  
He witnesses a group of sixth graders talk to each other at a different table, and it's not too long before they notice him lurking. "Did you want to sit here?" A girl asks, face red with eyes wide and sparkling.  
"Oh, no. Sorry..." He apologizes.  
The girl's face falls into an expression of pure heartbreak and disappointment.  
Instead of sitting and eating with sixth graders, he shyly eats by himself at an empty table.  
Not wanting to feel so alone, he texts Jude.  
**Hey. I'm back.**  
He spends his rest of the lunch period, waiting for Jude to reply.  
The rest of the day can't seem to go by fast enough.  
Almost forgetting that he has football tryouts, he jumps at the realization, standing in front his locker.  
Again, he sprints his way from point A, to point B.  
He shows up to the football field, with barely any confidence or assurance.  
But all that changes, during the actual instructions. He does well on the speed assessment, making the forty yard dash in a short amount of time. He achieves each lineman drill, and does well with all of the other positions that lead to the end of the tryouts.  
He slowly makes his way towards the parking lot, where Jeanette is parked and waiting for him.  
"Where the hell did _you_ come from?" A familiar boy asks, clutching onto Connor's shoulder and causing him to lack his footsteps.  
"Um-" he looks at the boy's face, realizing that he was one of the two boys he considered sitting with at lunch. "San Diego..." He answers, though he knows that the boy is being anything but friendly.  
"You think you're hot shit just because you're good at a sport?" They hear the other boy from lunch asks, seeing him walk over to them, and scowl directly at Connor.  
"What? No..."  
Next along, comes a girl he recognizes from his History class. She has purple glasses worn over her brown eyes with naturally long eyelashes, and long wavy, light brown hair.  
He thinks she's going to rag on him too, but she glares at the two boys.  
"Shut up, guys."  
She looks directly at Connor. "You're just jealous because he's _good_."  
He shows her a warm but small smile, which she returns back. Leaving the boys speechless, she walks away.  
Noticing the satisfied look on Connor's face, they scowl at him. "You think you're gonna get with Erin Andersen? In your dreams, fuck face." One of them insult.  
_'Believe me; I'm not dreaming'_. He thinks, before looking at them.  
"You're kidding, right? No guy on the _planet_ would be desperate enough to screw _her_." The other insists, taking a jab at her this time.  
"Fuck off. You're just mad she doesn't like you guys because you're a bunch of _assholes_." Connor snaps.  
Knowing he's left them without a comeback, he makes his way to the parking lot with a smirk.  
"How'd you do?" Jeanette smiles to him, her car window down while she watches Connor walk over to his passenger door. "Good!" He beams, sitting in the car next to her and putting his seatbelt on.  
"That's great! I'm so proud of you." She smiles at him. He returns an awkward smile back, not wanting to look her in the eyes.  
"Your father would be proud too."  
He cringes. "No he wouldn't. He'd just be pissed 'cause it's not _baseball_."  
"That's not true. He'd support you regardless of what you wanted to do."  
"I find that hard to believe, considering he can't even be around me because of my sexuality."  
"Connor, that's enough."  
"I'm sorry...Let's go." He speaks shyly, staring out the window. "You want to get something on the way back? Ya hungry?"  
"Yeah..." He takes out his phone, to reveal no replies from Jude.  
**Hi! I did good at my football tryouts!** He decides to text.  
Once they return home with their bag of fast food, Jude finally texts back.  
**That's great!! I'm so glad you did well.**  
Connor smiles, texting back with a smiling mouthful of fries.  
**Thanks!! Do you wanna FaceTime or something?**  
Jude answers, saying **I wish I could, but I gotta lotta homework to do. Tomorrow before school??**  
Connor almost chokes on his fries out of devastation.  
**Me too haha. Oh how'd you do on that exam??**  
**Okay I guess. I gotta get this stuff I'll text you in the morning :)**  
With sad eyes, Connor texts back **can't wait. Bye you.**  
"You talk to Connor?" Jeanette asks Connor in the kitchen, as he eats his burger in distress.  
"He can't FaceTime 'cause he's got homework to do."  
"Don't you do, too?"  
He glares into space, knowing she's right.  
"Yeah..."  
Finishing his food in a flash, he walks into his room and closes the door with a click.  
Jeanette nervously presses her lips together, knowing the struggles of long distance is taking a toll on him.  
The next morning, Jude texts him first, but they never get around to FaceTiming.  
At school, full of angst and impatience, he keeps an eye out for the two nameless boys that dragged on him yesterday; trying his best to avoid them.  
Instead, he runs into Erin Andersen.  
"Hey..." She starts, the two of them walking to first period together.  
"Hi..."  
"I'm Erin."  
"I know."  
The look she gives him is strange, confused to how he knows that.  
"Um, I'm Connor." He tries to tone down her suspicion.  
"You said you were from San Diego?" She asks, entering the classroom with him. "Yeah...I got here two days ago."  
"That's cool. I'll see you after class. Good luck with football." She smiles at him shyly again, walking over to her seat that's across the room from his. Watching her sit down, he flashes a smile that she can't see.  
After his next class, he and Erin meet up in the hallway just before lunch.  
"Hey. Is it okay if I sit with you? And whoever else you're sitting with?" He asks steadily.  
"Yeah. Totally." She smiles, before turning to her right. "Sam! C'mere!" She yells.  
Over to Connor and Erin, walks a short eighth grade boy with olive skin, light brown bangs that cover his forehead, and eyes the same color.  
He gazes at Connor. "This is Connor. Connor that's Sam." Erin introduces them.  
"Hi." Connor's the first to speak. "Hey..." Sam stares at him with kind eyes.  
"You wanna sit on the field?" Erin asks them.  
"Sure" Sam says.  
"Fine by me." Connor doesn't want to call the shots.  
So after the each of them buys their lunch, that's where they walk to.  
"I think you bumped into me in the hallway yesterday" Sam speaks to Connor, they and Erin sitting on the green and yellow grass.  
"Really?" Connor smiles.  
"Yeah."  
They both chuckle. Erin sits in the middle of them, Connor on her left, and Sam on her right.  
Feeling his phone buzz inside his pocket, he takes it out with anticipation.  
**Hey, how are you?** Jude texted.  
Connor grins and texts back: **really really glad you texted me. The kids I'm sitting with are ALSO eating cafeteria food.**  
"Who you texting?" Erin asks him.  
He takes his eyes off of his phone. "Um, just a friend back in San Diego..." He doesn't know if coming out to them is such a good idea yet.  
"That where you from?" Sam asks, before an embarrassed look of unsettlement runs across his face. Connor chuckles. "Yeah..."  
Sam avoids eye contact with both of them.  
**Bad influences** Jude texts back, making Connor giggle.  
"Who are _you_ texting?" Erin asks Sam, seeing that he's on his phone now.  
"Lauren."  
"She your girlfriend?" Connor can't help but ask.  
"Just a friend." Sam smiles as he texts her back and sets his phone down. "He met her online. Creepy." Erin comments, looking at Connor.  
"It is _not_. She's our age. We've FaceTimed." Sam defends.  
Connor gulps, thinking about how he and Jude were supposed to FaceTime this morning.  
**Sorry I couldn't FaceTime you this morning. Got caught up in stuff.** He reads Jude's new text.  
**It's fine. I still love you :)** he replies.  
**Haha :)** is all Jude says back, making Connor awkwardly bite his bottom lip.  
"Sam loves Lauren, Sam loves Lauren." Erin obnoxiously sing songs, making Sam scowl and Connor laugh aloud.  
"She's seriously just a _friend!"_ Sam yells, before quickly smiling at Connor. "Might wanna call Catfish" he teases him.  
" _Nooo_ , here's a picture of her." Sam smiles, showing him a picture of a strawberry blonde and brown eyed girl. "That's her? She's cute." Connor tries to act as straight as possible.  
"Too bad _Sam_ likes her, or else you could date her" Erin pokes fun. "I do _not_ _like_ _her!"_ Sam declares. "Guys and girls can be just friends. We're living proof of that." He adds.  
Connor chuckles. "How long have you guys been friends?" He asks them.  
"Third grade" Sam says, at the same time Erin insists that it's fourth grade.  
"We met in third grade." Sam tells her.  
"Yeah, but we got _close_ in fourth grade." Erin corrects. "We were close in third grade!" Sam tries convincing. "Not really."  
"Yes! We were! Remember the playground-"  
"That was _nothing_."  
"You _thanked_ me!"  
Connor laughs at their bickering, before texting Jude what's up cutie?  
"Whatever. Moral of the story: I don't like Lauren." Sam repeats.  
"Oh yeah, 'cause you like Kaylee." Erin begins teasing him about another girl.  
"Who's she?" Connor asks.  
"Just some girl who's always giving him bedroom eyes."  
"She does not. Don't listen to her." Sam tells Connor. He giggles.  
"You should ask her to that dance!" Erin motivates.  
"Erin, 'that dance' is two months away."  
"So what? It'd be nice to plan in advance."  
Sam playfully rolls his eyes, looking at Connor again. "Have you seen any girls you think are cute?" He asks him.  
His pupils shrink.  
"Um...I'm not really...Looking." He admits.  
"Well if you are, Samantha Christensen was _totally_ giving _you_ bedroom eyes in class."  
"She was...?"  
"Yeah. If you wanna go to that dance maybe you can ask her."  
Connor forces a smile. "Quit talking about everyone giving us 'bedroom eyes'. It's weird." Sam says, crinkling his forehead in disgust.  
" _You're_ weird." Erin insults.  
Connor laughs.  
Jude texts back: **just sitting with Taylor what about you? She's been asking about you <3**  
Erin gasps, looking at Connor's phone. "Was that a heart I saw?" She smiles. Sam sits up.  
"Yeah, so...?" Connor asks with a flushed face.  
"I think Connor has a girlfriend back home" she teases. _'Not a girlfriend'_ he thinks.  
"Really?" Sam smiles, his tone intrigued.  
" _No_. They just send lots of hearts..." Connor tries covering up.  
"Okayyyyy" Erin sing songs, making Sam and Connor smile at each other for a moment.  
He looks back at his phone, and replies to Jude.  
**Just hanging with a couple weirdos.**  
In the guys locker room, before gym class, Sam asks Connor "so do you?"  
"Do I what?"  
"Have a girlfriend? Back home?"  
Connor blushes out of embarrassment and guilt. He could just merely whisper that they're actually a boyfriend, but he sees the two nameless bullies, standing nearby and messing around. "It's complicated..." He takes his shirt off, picking up the assigned physical education shirt.  
"How so?" Sam asks, eyes roaming to his six pack for a quick second.  
"I'll tell you later..." Connor promises, putting on the shirt.  
The nameless bullies confidently walk over to them. "Where were you at lunch, huh?" The first one asks Connor. "Eating your lunch in the bathroom? Freak?"  
"He was eating with _me_." Sam automatically sticks up for him.  
This only has the boys scoff. "Makes sense. I mean, the freaks gotta stick together don't they?" It's the second ones turn to make a comment.  
"Yeah. They do." Connor bravely speaks.  
This leaves the nameless to only stare at them, not having any idea what to say next.  
"Whatever. Fuck face." Connor's called the same name again, before seeing them walk away.  
"Thanks." He turns to Sam.  
"Yeah" he smiles surely. "You're not a freak, by the way."  
This makes Connor smile.  
"Thanks...You aren't either."  
Sam does the same back, and for the next several seconds, it's all they can seem to do. 


	3. Boys & Girls and Girls & Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin gets the vibe that Sam has a crush on Connor, who comes out to the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR READING AHHHHH

Chapter Three: Boys & Girls and Girls & Boys:  
January 29th:  
Jude is the first to know the good news.  
**I made the football team!!! :) :) :) :D <3 <3** Connor excitedly texts him in his room the morning before school, right after receiving the email on his phone saying that he made it.  
**I knew you would!!! I'm so glad!!!! :) <3** Jude texts back almost instantly, making Connor beam and happily sway around.  
**Thanks!!! <3 I miss you!! What's up??? **Right after he sends the text, Jeanette knocks twice on his bedroom door that's only halfway open, before walking inside.  
"You ready bud?"  
"Yeah." He turns to her with a smile on his face. "You talking to your Dad?"  
His face drops. "Jude. Always Jude." Just his name makes his heart flutter.  
"When's the last time you've talked to him?"  
"I dunno. He texted me on Monday but I didn't text back."  
" _Why_?"  
"Because I don't exactly want to talk to him..." Connor speaks in the most obvious, matter of fact like voice he's ever spoken in.  
"I want you to. You should have a relationship with him."  
"Well I don't want to have a relationship with him. He's never gonna accept me for who I am, so why even bother?"  
"He can change, Connor."  
"But he hasn't. Why are we even talking about this? I don't have to talk to him." He complains.  
"I'd like you to."  
"You can't fucking make me" he mutters under his breath, making her raise her eyebrows and cross her arms. " _Excuse_ me?" She asks, shocked to hear her son use such language.  
Her posture straightens. "Uhhh..." He looks at her with innocent eyes. "I made the football team...! Surprise...!" He forces a wide grin onto his face.  
She exhales quietly. "That's great, honey. I'm happy for you." Her tone is calmer.  
"Maybe you can tell your father."  
"I don't see that happening."  
At school, he runs over to Erin and Sam in the hallway, who he's been hanging out with ever since he sat with them at lunch.  
"Guys! Guess what?!" He smiles.  
"What?" They ask together.  
"I made the football team!"  
Sam and Erin both exclaim cheerful sayings at once, Erin high fiving Connor first.  
After Connor high fives Sam's sweaty hand, he gives him beaming eyes. "When's your first practice?" Erin asks. "Monday after school ends."  
"Cool" Sam smiles.  
Kaylee, the girl that gives Sam bedroom eyes according to Erin, walks up to the three of them but greets just Sam. "Oh. Hey." He smiles, looking at her. "Um, the chapter we had to look at last night was thirteen, right?" She asks simply. "Yeah." He smiles.  
"Okay, 'cause that's what I read."  
"Okay good" Sam smiles, before they both chuckle. "Thanks. See you there." She gives what Erin would claim are 'bedroom eyes', before walking away. " _See! Those_ are bedroom eyes!" Erin does just that.  
"So...?" He asks, having no idea how to respond. "So, give her bedroom eyes back."  
" _How?"_  
"Practice on Connor."  
" _What?"_  
She forces the boys to make eye contact.  
"Just...Keep looking at him." Erin instructs, holding Sam by his shoulders. He blinks.  
"Don't _blink!"_ She yells. "Don't yell at me!"  
"Hey, um, I'm gonna put my things away but I'll see you in class." Connor points to Erin, who nods in response. "See you later" Sam speaks up. Connor smiles at him, before turning around and jogging away.  
He's glad he got out of _that_ situation.  
"What the hell _was_ that?" Sam whispers to Erin.  
"I was _trying_ to get you to give bedroom eyes!"  
"To _Connor_?"  
She raises her eyebrows and shrugs. "You've gave him bedroom eyes before."  
"I'm _sorry_?" He's shocked and in disbelief.  
"I'm not saying you meant to. It just happened. I mean, he's cute-"  
"Just shut _up_ Erin."  
She scowls. " _Sorry_. I'm just making an observation."  
"Well stop it. If you think he's so cute, then why don't _you_ give him bedroom eyes?" He snaps. "Fine. Maybe I _will_." She declares, before stomping off to first period.  
" _Fuck_!" Sam shout whispers, slamming his foot onto the floor.  
Erin's about to pretend flirt with Connor in class, but Samantha Christensen beats her to it.  
And Samantha is not pretending.  
"Hey." She struts up to a petrified looking Connor, who's trying to organize his erasers at his desk.  
"Um, hey..."  
Erin, who's watching everything in the background, grins with anticipation.  
"You should have my number." She smirks. Again, his pupils shrink. "Here." She takes his pencil off of his desk, writing down her number in the open blank paged notebook that happens to be sitting next to it.  
All while giving him bedroom eyes.  
Watching her walk back to her chair, he gulps out of intimidation.  
Satisfied at what she just witnessed, Erin smirks.  
" _So_?"  
"So what?"  
"You're _going_ to call her, right?" She asks Connor, the two of them walking out of class almost ninety minutes later.  
"I don't know..."  
"What do you _mean_ you don't know?! She _really_ likes you."  
"Yeah, well I don't 'really like her'." Connor admits, stopping before one of the benches in the middle of the hall.  
"Why not?" Erin demands.  
"Because I have a boyfriend."  
He almost covers his mouth, at how firmly he had stated that fact. Or just at the fact that he _said_ those words at all.  
"Is that who sent you the heart?" Erin asks, after seconds of staring at him with realization stuck to her face.  
He chuckles at her. "Yeah."  
"He seems sweet."  
"He is" Connor smiles, thinking of so. "His name's Jude. He's great." He tries not to talk about him too much, knowing that if he does he'll never stop.  
"Aw, that's cute" Erin smiles. "How long have you guys been together?"  
"Since March of last year."  
"Aw, Connor! Almost a year!" She exclaims. "Yeah..." He smiles, bright redness refusing to leave his face.  
"Are you guys doing okay with the long distance thing?"  
He presses his lips together at her question. "Yeah, it's hard not seeing him in person though. I...I miss him, you know? I miss standing next to him and smelling him and hugging him."  
"Aww, I'm sorry. You'll see him again. You'll get to hug him again. _And_ smell him and stand next to him."  
He grins in enjoyment, thoughts of so running through his head. Erin chuckles, seeing him in deep thought.  
"Um-" he looks at her. "Could you just, not tell Sammy yet? I kinda wanna tell him myself..." He explains. "Did you just call him Sammy?"  
He freezes, eyes going wide. A scoff exits his mouth. "Yeah...I guess I did."  
"I won't tell him. I promise. That's for you two to discuss...He's not uncomfortable by anything like that, by the way."  
"Okay good. Thanks for...Not taking it in a bad way."  
"Of course. I accept you. For who you are." She smiles, lightly resting her hand on his shoulder. He smiles at her.  
And that's, when Sam notices them. "Hey..." He slowly walks over, holding his books in his arms. "Hey." Erin takes her hand off of Connor, the two of them turning to Sam.  
"What's up?" His tone is sensitive.  
"I was just getting to class. I'll see you guys at lunch. Sorry I was being such a bitch." She walks closer to Sam, giving him a remorseful look. With that, she walks away. Connor looks at him. "Everything alright between you two?"  
"Yeah...Things are fine. Um, can I ask you something?"  
"Yeah." The vibes that Connor revives from him are uneasy. "Do you like her?"  
Connor frowns, absorbing the question that was asked to him.  
"Erin? No. She was just being nice. Don't worry."  
Sam's face turns bright red. "What do you mean 'don't worry'?"  
"Oh, I was just assuming that you liked her..." Connor clears up.  
"What? No. She's like, my best friend...I like Kaylee."  
"How are things with her? Wasn't she in your last class?"  
"Yeah...We talked. She's cute." Sam flashes a nervous smile.  
Connor smiles back, before hearing a text vibration. His heart jumps, assuming Jude's finally texted him back. But it's Sam who takes his own phone out.  
"Who is that?"  
"Lauren." Sam's clearly satisfied, a big smile on his face.  
Connor chuckles. "Where does she live?"  
"Missouri." He looks up at him. "How long have you been talking?"  
"May of last year. I wish she was closer, ya know? I wanna see her in person. It sucks being so close with someone, but knowing you're never gonna get to actually see them until God knows how long."  
Connor's heart sinks. "Yeah...I know."  
"Your friend back home?" Sam wonders.  
"Um, yeah..."  
"So they're _not_ your girlfriend?"  
"No. They're just... _Really_ , really special to me." He insists.  
Sam nods. "I can tell...I'm gonna go. I'll see you and Erin at lunch." He smiles at him.  
"Okay." Connor's heart lifts slightly, a smile crossing his face. "Bye Sammy."  
This makes Sam's face light up. "Bye Con'." He calls him a nickname back, making them giggle.  
Sam flashes another smile, before walking away to his next class.  
Connor takes this opportunity to check his phone.  
No new messages.  
Before lunch, Sam walks over to Erin at her locker.  
"Hey."  
"Hey. Field again?" She smiles, closing her locker and turning to him.  
"Do you like Connor?" He cuts to the chase.  
"What? He's-" she stops herself from finishing that sentence.  
"He's not my type." She reforms her words. "I don't like him."  
"Good."  
" _What_?"  
"What?"  
They stare at each other, Sam's cheeks redder than ever again.  
"Why? Do you _like_ him?" She asks suspiciously. "What? No. I was just wondering...For someone else. That girl...Samantha. She wanted me to ask you if you like him."  
"Why would she think that _I_ like him?"  
"I don't know _everything_." He sasses.  
Connor walks up to them, holding his phone in his hand.  
"Hey guys."  
They jump at his voice, looking over at him. "Oh...! Hey! Um, you ready?" She asks him, forcing a smile.  
"Yeah." He smiles.  
"Okay. Well, it just occurred to me that I have to pee so I'll be right back." She speedily makes her way into the nearby girls' bathroom.  
Sam and Connor are now the only ones left in the empty hallway.  
The awkward silence is interrupted by Connor's buzzing phone.  
**Just got to lunch! Are you eating with the bad cafeteria food people?** Jude finally texts back.  
Connor grins at his joke, hastily texting back **nope not yet haha. Miss youuuu.**  
"That the San Diego person?" Sam points to Connor's phone.  
He looks up at him with a chuckle. "Oh. Yeah. Um..." ' _Just say it.'_  
"I'm gay." He pipes up.  
Sam looks like he's just discovered the impossible.  
"Really?" He sounds a little too shocked. Too interested.  
"Yeah. I must've forgotten my rainbow outfit at home." Connor decides to crack a joke.  
They both laugh. "Yeah, uh, the person I'm always texting is actually my boyfriend back home..." He admits.  
The light in Sam's eyes die.  
"Oh, um, th-that's really cute actually. What's he like?" He regrets asking that question.  
"Great. Caring." Again, Connor tries to limit his words about Jude.  
Sam smiles. "That's sweet."  
"Thanks for, not having a problem with it. I kinda already told Erin. Not by choice. It kinda just came out." He doesn't mean to make a pun.  
Sam laughs anyway, making him smile.  
Jude replies to Connor, saying **I miss you more.**  
Connor's eyes and face are lit up, a huge grin on his face as he texts back **that is NOT possible. Miss you so much. Maybe even too much.**  
Sam watches him, looking the exact opposite as Connor does. "Hey." Erin returns from the bathroom where she went to purposely leave the boys alone, hoping that Connor would come out.  
"Hey." Connor locks his phone, putting it in his pocket. "Ready?" Erin asks Sam, motioning to the cafeteria so they can get their food.  
"Yeah..." His eyes are dead, along with his tone.  
Erin tenses up, knowing something's not right.  
"Let's go..." She speaks unsurely, maybe even a little scared.  
Sam's quiet for a majority of the next hour, only speaking when spoken to.  
His answers are short.  
Even Lauren notices something's going on, by the way he texts her.  
**Are you okay?**  
He bluntly stares down at her message.  
**Yeah. I'm fine.**  
Sent.


	4. Take It Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor becomes closer with his friends, but less close from Jude. Something is revealed about Sam's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy!! :)

Chapter Four: Take It Easy:  
Before the end of the school day, Erin and Connor exchange cellphone numbers. So the next morning, instead of waking up to a text from Jude, he wakes up to a text from her.  
**Yo it's Erin.**  
Yawning yet smiling at the same time, he texts her back **hey! What's up?**  
After that, he texts Jude. **Morning <3 <3 **  
Getting out of bed, Erin replies, asking if it's okay if she can start a group chat between them and Sam. **Yeah! That'd be** **cool :)** he sends.  
And that's what she does.  
Seeing Sam's number in the contact list, he puts in his name as a new contact.  
**Erin: what are y'all up to today?  
** Sam: nothing like usual  
Connor: same haha  
Erin: no football activities?  
Connor: nope, not yet.  
Sam: how are you guys this morning?  
Connor: I'm good, thank you! :)  
Sam: that's good :)   
Connor smiles at his response, walking around his room and pushing his hair back.  
Jeanette knocks twice, before walking in. "You doing alright this morning?" She asks, observing him study his phone.  
"Yeah." He answers, looking at Erin's text that reads **I'm good thanks for asking guys ur so sweet <3 **  
He laughs quietly. **I was about to ask you that...** He texts, smirking.  
**Yeah. Sure.** Her sarcastic response makes him laugh.  
"Texting Jude?" Jeanette asks. "No, actually." He looks up for her.  
"You're texting your father?"  
"What? No. Just these kids from school." He furrows his brow.  
"Oh...! Well, that's good! It's nice to have people to talk to other than Jude."  
"Mom...!"  
"Don't take it the wrong way, I'm just saying. Does he have any other friends?"  
"He has Taylor and Daria from school, and a huge family. I think that says enough." He answers, becoming anxious about waiting for him to text back.  
"He hasn't texted me back..."  
"You can't worry about that, Connor. Just give him some time."  
He sighs. "It just makes me think he doesn't want to talk to me..."  
"Why wouldn't he want to talk to you? Who wouldn't wanna talk to you. You said you're texting kids from school right now."  
**Erin: so you guys aren't doing anything today?  
** Sam: I think you should know by now that the answer is no.  
Erin: you shush. I know you never do anything  
Sam: rude.  
Erin:  <3  
Erin: Connor hbu?  
He checks the texts.  
**Nope, just being lazy.** He sends. "So who are these kids?" Jeanette asks.  
"A girl named Erin, and a guy named Sam. They're nice." He shares.  
"Have you came out to them?"  
"Yeah. They're cool with it." He tells her, reading Erin's text that asks if he and Sam want to hang out at her house later.  
"That's great" Jeanette smiles, as Connor texts her **wouldn't ur parents be weird about you hanging out with two boys?**  
**Erin: Connor you're gay.  
** Connor: well they don't have to know that. Hold on.  
He looks at Jeanette. "Can I hang out at Erin's house?"  
She's taken aback. "Oh, sure...! I can drop you off."  
"They're not bad kids. Don't worry." He assures her.  
**Erin: I'm pretty sure my parents think I'M gay.  
** Connor: and why's that?  
Sam: because she hasn't gone out with me yet.  
Erin: 'yet'? Lmao try 'and never will'.  
Connor: aw Erin don't be so mean to him lol  
Sam: it's fine she friend zones me all the time. Yeah I can go over later this evening.  
Connor looks at Jeanette. "Is later this evening fine?"  
"Yeah. Just gimme her address and I can drop you off. Just not too late, okay?  
"Got it." He agrees, asking Erin for her address, which Sam actually texts to him.  
Connor looks at Jeanette, thanking her with a smile. "Just be yourself, dear." She walks out of the room. Connor scoffs.  
**Erin: stalker.  
** Sam: more like amazing friend. You can't even remember my phone number.  
Erin: I have it in my phone! I don't NEED to remember it.  
Sam: well what if you're in a situation where you need to remember it by heart? Then you're screwed.  
Erin: well that's never gonna happen so...  
Connor laughs, texting **thanks for the info, my mom can drop me off later.  
** Sam: cool :) my brother will drive me over.   
**Connor: you have a brother?  
** Sam: yeah, Dylan. He's a junior at the high school near us.  
Connor: that's cool! I'm an only child.  
Sam: you're LUCKY.  
Erin: it's true lmao my little brother is so annoying.  
Connor: well not having anyone to talk to is annoying.  
Erin: aw don't say that you have us!! And your precious Jude.  
Connor blushes. **Well he's not texting me back rn** he texts to them.  
**Awww poor Connor :(** Erin texts, making him giggle. **Shut up lmao.**  
**Sam: rip Connor  
** Erin: Tragic  
Connor: Shut up!!! Lol  
Throughout the day, Connor continues to wait for Jude to text him back, all while dealing with excruciating anxiety because of so.  
"Connor, you can't over think this." Jeanette tells him calmly, as he lays in an uncomfortable position on the couch, with his phone in his hand.  
"I miss him..." Is all he whines. "I know. I know it sucks." She sits down next to him, slowly ruffling his hair. "He's probably just out with his family. Could've gotten his phone taken away. You never know..."  
Connor shrugs, just before his phone buzzes. He struggles to sit properly, before staring down at the phone with desperate eyes.  
**Sam: your bae text you yet?**  
Just because it's not Jude, doesn't mean Connor doesn't smile.  
**Hahahahahaha. No :(** he replies.  
**Sam: threaten him.  
** Connor: I don't think that's very appropriate.  
Erin: doesn't Sam just give such iconic relationship advice?  
Connor: lmao yes yes he does.  
"That Jude?" Jeanette asks. "Sam and Erin." He answers. "Aw, well you still seem pretty happy. See sweetie? You can't rely on only one person for your happiness."  
"No, but I can rely on three people."  
She glares at him. "Four, including you, of course." He goofily grins.  
"Mm hmm." She sounds in blunt disbelief, making Connor laugh.  
•••  
Before he's supposed to get in the car to leave for Erin's, Sam searches he and his brother Dylan's bathroom drawers, for a cologne bottle.  
"Sam!" Dylan yells, walking through their room and into the connected bathroom. "Ya ready?"  
"Hold on." He continues looking for the bottle.  
"What are you looking for?"  
"Cologne."  
"Since when do you wanna wear _my_ stuff?" He asks, noticing it's sitting on the sink.  
"It's right in front of you, blind bat."  
Sam spots the bottle on the sink, snatching it off with a sigh.  
"Trying to smell good for Erin?"  
"Yeah, sure." Sam vigorously sprays it all over himself. "Or that other kid you're always talking about?" Dylan guesses.  
" _What_?"  
"Whoa, whoa! Don't spray too much." He sticks his palm out. Sam stops, setting it back down on the sink.  
"What do you mean?" He asks him with a furrowed brow. "Never mind. I'm joking."  
"How do I smell?"  
"Unless you have no sense of smell, I'm pretty sure you can answer your own question."  
Sam walks over and hits his arm. He laughs.  
"Where's Dad?" He asks him.  
"Downstairs. Won't be surprised if you get his allergies acting up."  
"Is it really too much?"  
"No. Just go. Get in the car." He presses his shoulder. Sam runs into their room, getting his phone and charger. He puts on his sneakers, sprinting downstairs into the kitchen.  
"Since when do you wear cologne?" Is the first thing his father Ken, notices.  
"Since now." He turns to him.  
"Okay, white boy. I'll pick you up before twelve, okay?"  
"Sounds good." Sam says, as Dylan walks downstairs.  
"Somebody else is gonna be there, you said?" Ken asks. "Yeah. Connor. He's cool." Sam answers. "' _Connor's so cool. Connor's so nice. Connor's so funny'."_ Dylan mimics him in a strange, valley girl voice imitation.  
"Shut _up_. Let's go." Sam glares at Dylan, as Ken chortles. "Drive safe." He tells Dylan, watching him grab the keys off the counter.  
"When can I learn how to drive?" Sam asks them, he and Dylan walking towards the door.  
"After everyone else in the world goes extinct." Dylan answers, right before they walk out the door.  
"Shut up!"  
"Make me."  
He already hears them arguing outside.  
"Lord help me" he breathes.  
•••  
"Ooh! You smell good!" Erin smiles to Sam, after he's arrived at her home, repeatedly sniffing him in her kitchen. He laughs. "Thanks, puppy dog." " _Arf_!" She smiles, looking at him. He laughs again.  
**I'm on my way.** Connor texts them in the chat. The two of them check their phones at the same time. Sam blushes, as Erin texts back **okay! See you soon. Text if you need help getting here.**  
"Does your Mom know he's coming?" Sam asks. "Yeah. My Dad doesn't though." She smiles cheekily, and Sam guffaws.  
"What do I not know?" Mr. Andersen asks, walking past them and up to the counter.  
"Another friend is coming over." Erin shares.  
"What's her name?"  
"He, Dad."  
"I thought we agreed that Sam is the only boy you can have over." He speaks sternly. Sam snickers.  
" _Nooo, you_ told me that, and I told you that that's ridiculous."  
"I think it's pretty reasonable. Who is he?"  
"Connor. He's nice. Right Sam?" She looks at him for support, eyebrows raised.  
He only blushes harder. "Uh-uh yeah." He looks at her Dad. "Don't worry...He's-" Erin glares at him, not wanting him to tell her Dad without Connor's permission.  
"Not a creep" Sam changes his words.  
"Relax, Dad. I _don't_ like him."  
"But he might like you."  
"Trust me, Dad...He doesn't..." She sweats.  
"Well if you don't like him, that's okay. So is not liking any other boy."  
"Dad I'm _not_ gay."  
There's a knock on the door, and Erin smiles. "He's here." She walks over to the front of the house, opening it and seeing him on the porch. "Hey, come in" she smiles. "Hey." He walks inside, smiling genuinely. "Is Sam here yet?"  
Sam's face flushes at the mention of his name. "Hey!" Connor smiles, once he sees him standing in the kitchen. "Hi." Sam smiles, before Connor gives him a quick high five. He chuckles. Erin follows Connor, standing behind him. "Dad, this is Connor."  
"Uh, nice to meet you." He walks over in front of him. Mr. Andersen shakes his hand, having Connor politely smile.  
"Um, do you wanna go in the backyard or something?" Erin asks them. "Yeah. That's cool" says Connor, as Sam nods.  
"Dustin's back there." Her father informs.  
"Then I'll make him leave."  
"Erin..."  
"Let's go." She turns to the boys, and they all walk into the backyard.  
"Dustin!" She yells to the seven year-old boy who's sitting on the grass and is playing with his toy yellow dump truck.  
"Go inside." She orders. Not wanting to argue, he stands up and picks up his toy. He looks at Connor, confused. "That's Connor." Erin speaks irritably. "Hey..." Connor greets.  
"He's Sam's friend." Erin explains. "Hi..." Dustin finally speaks, before rushing back inside, making sure to take his truck with him. "He doesn't talk much, huh?" Connor asks. "She's scared him mute." Sam jokes.  
Connor laughs. "He's always been shy." Erin defends.  
The boys snicker, and Connor notices the large sized trampoline standing several feet in front of them. "Let's jump." Erin smiles. They climb onto the surface, Erin zipping it closed. "Just so you don't fall out like last time." She teases Sam. "That was _two_ years ago!" He protests, and Connor guffaws.  
The three of them start jumping and giggling, Sam jumping especially much to stay warm. "You cold?" Connor asks as he jumps next to him, noticing his lack of layers.  
"I'm okay." Sam claims, trying to out bounce Erin. " _Stop_!" She giggles, struggling to stay up, and he grins.  
"You wanna wear this?" Connor points to his jacket. "I'm fine, thanks." Sam smiles, the only light shining besides the moon in the sky, being his sudden red cheeks.  
After stopping and catching their breath, Connor and Erin purposely bounce Sam up and down. "Stop!" He laughs, as Erin and Connor continue jumping while laughing. Connor grins at him, jumping even harder.  
Sam laughs, letting himself go up and and down on top of the trampoline floor.  
They eventually stop, replacing Sam with Connor.  
No matter how much Sam and Erin jump, he won't budge. "What the hell!" Erin laughs, she and Sam stopping at once. Connor giggles, giving them both smug eyes.  
"He's indestructible" Sam jokes, sitting down next to him. Connor laughs. "I believe it." Erin says, and he smiles. Standing up, he gets his phone that he had set on the ring of the trampoline, outside the net where Sam and Erin's phones also lie.  
The only text he has received, is from him Mom.  
**Are you doing okay???**  
He scoffs. **Yes mom I'm fine.** He texts back.  
"Was that your bae?" Sam teases.  
"My Mom." He laughs, and Erin cackles.  
"I bet he's busy. I mean, you're busy right now, aren't you?" She asks, sitting down in front of them.  
He shrugs. "Yeah."  
The next text his mother sends, is her asking about if he wants to visit his father.  
He sighs, asking back will I get to see Jude? "What's wrong?" Sam asks, noticing his frustration. "My Mom just keeps asking me if I want to visit my Dad."  
"Well do you want to?"  
"No. The only reason I moved here was to live with my Mom..."  
Sam now looks like he's going to be stick to his stomach.  
"I'll be in the bathroom. Be right back." He shakily gets up, unzipping the net and stepping out. He zips it closed, jumping down onto the grass, and walking inside.  
"Is he okay?" Connor asks quietly, once he's gone. "His Mom passed when he was eleven..." Erin hesitantly reveals. "Oh..." Connor has no idea what else he should say.  
"Yeah...It was brutal. He still has a hard time talking about. Can't even stand hearing the word Mom."  
"Oh um I'm-I'm sorry-"  
"It's fine. You didn't know..."  
For the next two minutes, they stare at the stars in the sky, until Sam comes back,  
"You alright?" Connor asks, as he unzips the net and makes his way inside.  
"Yeah. I'm cool." Sam smiles at him, Connor deciding to do the same back.  
They watch humorous YouTube videos on Erin's phone, laughing up a storm.  
Connor hears his phone buzz next to him, assuming it's his Mom responding.  
**Hi! Sorry, I had a long day with my family and stuff? How are you? Miss you.**  
Connor lights up reading Jude's text. "Connor! Look at this" Erin smiles, she and Sam paying attention to a video playing on her phone. He sets his phone down, and looks over.  
"Oh my God" he smiles, focusing on the video and beginning to laugh.  
He can always respond later.


	5. Spot The Difference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam opens up to Connor about his past, leading Connor to suspect how he feels about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! Feedback appreciated :)

Chapter Five: Spot The Difference:  
February 1st:  
Connor hits the answer button as fast as he can. "Heyyyy!" He smiles, seeing Jude's smiling face with his bedroom walls in the background, on his phone screen.  
"Hey! How is everything?"  
"Good!" Connor starts pacing around his room, making sure to keep his face in Jude's view.  
"Sorry I got back to you late the other night. I was at a friend's place." He explains.  
"What's their name?"  
"Her name's Erin, and then there's Sam who's pretty cool."  
Nodding in amusement, Jude asks, "Is Sam a boy or a girl?"  
"Why would that matter?" Connor begins teasing him.  
"It's a unisex name; I'm just wondering" Jude smiles, his tone clearly lying.  
Connor laughs, stopping in front of his closed door.  
"Boy. But he would never like me. He has a crush on a girl at school." Says Connor.  
"Who wouldn't like you?" Jude asks, making him blush. He chuckles.  
"So, um, what's he like...?" Jude asks curiously, yet hesitantly.  
"Why, you want him?" Connor jokes. "Yeah. Totally."  
They laugh.  
"Please don't be jealous, though. He's just my friend. I mean, gay guys can be just friends with other guys, right?" Connor convinces.  
"Yeah...! In fact, I have a guy friend too."  
Connor's face can't move, nor can his eyes blink.  
"Oh...!" He tries not to sound hypocritically jealous. "What's his name?"  
"Jack. He's part of the foster system, and Callie's helping him with the organization she has."  
"Oh yeah, fost and found, right?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well that's cool...! Speaking of Callie, how is she?" He wants to change the subject.  
"She's good. Just focused on her own thing. I'll tell her you say hi."  
Connor grins. "Jude! You have to go!" Lena calls out from downstairs. A sad look makes its way onto Connor's face.  
"I gotta go..." Jude disappointingly says, looking back at him. "Okay...Text you at lunch?" Connor forces a smile.  
"Yeah. Have a great day."  
"You too. Um..." Connor stops himself from talking.  
"Yeah?"  
"Tell the girls I say hi." He says the first thing that pops into his head, face starting to sweat.  
"I will. Bye Con'."  
With another quick smile, Jude hangs up. Depressingly, Connor holds down his phone, sulking at the wall. "I love you..." He says the words that he was too scared to say.  
"Connor! You're gonna miss your bus!" He hears Jeanette yell.  
"Be right there...!"  
A text appears on his phone.  
**Erin: see you guys at school!!**  
He smiles, grinning even bigger at Sam's response.  
**See you Erin. See you Connor :)**  
Continuing to smile, he texts to them: **see you guys soon :)**  
He locks his phone.  
" _Connor!"_  
"Alright!"  
•••  
Connor and Erin meet up in the school's parking lot, walking inside the building together. "I FaceTimed Jude this morning." He smiles to her. " _Really_?! That's _good_!" She beams. "Yeah. It was only for like, two minutes though."  
"You can FaceTime him longer, later." She points out, before gasping in realization. "You can see him for Valentine's Day!" She smiles, making his face brighten.  
"I dunno if I can."  
"C'mon! It's only two weeks away. You can plan things out. Or you can surprise him." She smirks.  
"It's just, hard to keep in touch, I guess. We're lucky if we can get back to each other within a couple hours. It's...I guess it would just be harder than I thought it would be. I thought we would be in constant contact...If I hadn't moved I'd probably be seeing him every day..." He vents sourly, stopping in front a set of lockers. She does the same.  
"I'm sorry Connor...I know it must be hard..."  
"I just...Miss him. More than I thought I would. And I knew I'd miss him _so_ _much_...I'm sorry, I'll stop."  
"No. Don't. You're allowed to talk it out. Everything will work out for the best." She tries reassuring him.  
Just after she speaks, Sam walks over to them, smiling to himself.  
"Hey." He then notices Connor's broken appearance. "Are you okay...?"  
"Yeah. Um, what's up?" He forces a positive tone. "I talked to Kaylee." A small smile appears on his face. "Really? How'd it go?" Erin smiles, Connor raising his eyebrows.  
"Good! I think she flirted with me."  
Connor smirks, but Erin scoffs. "Are you _sure_? You seem to have a very interesting definition of flirting."  
Connor laughs at her comment quietly, and Sam rolls his eyes with a smile.  
"Whatever. I gotta get to class." He begins walking away, and after a few seconds of contemplation, Connor decides to catch up with him.  
"I don't recall _you_ having Math for first period." Sam teases, seeing that Connor's walking next to him. He chuckles. "How did Kaylee flirt with you?" He asks.  
"It wasn't really 'flirting', more like body language."  
"That's even better. What'd she do?"  
"She put her hand on my shoulder. Like-" they stop walking, and Sam demonstrates on Connor how Kaylee simply touched his shoulder Connor grins, deciding to tease him. "Really? Are you sure it wasn't more like-?" He roughly punches his shoulder. " _This_?"  
Sam squints, but laughs, punching his back. It continues back and forth almost six times, their laugher filling the air.  
"I'll see you later" Sam smiles. He waves and resumes to walk to his class, leaving Connor chuckling as he watches him walk off.  
•••  
An hour after the end of the school day, Sam walks out of the school, surprised to see Erin waiting for him, on one of the many benches that sit on the pavement.  
"You actually waited for me?"  
"I wanted to make sure you actually got out _alive_."  
He chuckles, walking closer to her.  
"Was detention _really_ worth it just to skip class?"  
"To bale on a _test_." He clarifies, pointing to her sternly.  
"You could've just cheated."  
"Are you crazy, _no_!"  
"You skipped _class_!"  
Not knowing how to protest to that, he just stares at her. "I just texted Dylan. He'll be here soon to pick us up."  
"Sounds good." She stands up. "I think Connor's finishing up football practice. We can go see him." She suggests.  
Gulping, he nods without a word.  
"Hey! How was detention?" Connor teases Sam, after he sees the two of them jog over to him on the field.  
"Boring. Slow. Never skip class."  
"You should've just cheated on the test."  
"That's what I said!" Erin explains, making Connor laugh. "How was practice?" Sam asks.  
"Pretty good. I'm starving, though."  
Sam laughs, watching Connor walk over next to him.  
"Who's picking you guys up?" He asks, the three of them walking into the mostly empty parking lot.  
"My brother." Sam answers.  
"You want a ride home?" Erin pipes up. "I'm fine, thanks. My Mom's gonna pick me up."  
Sam stops walking.  
Doing the same, Connor gives Erin a worried look, realizing what just happened.  
"Sam, you okay...?" Erin asks, looking at him softly. "I'm fine..." There's pain in his eyes, and written all over his face.  
Erin's blaring phone makes them all gasp. Sam closes his tear stained eyes, folding his hands together.  
"I'm, I-I gotta take this. Come get me if Dylan drives up." She whispers, sprinting over to the back of the building. Connor's heart sinks, looking at Sam with devastation.  
"You okay...?" He lightly pokes his shoulder, making him flinch.  
"Sorry, uh-"  
"It's fine..." Sam decides to sit down, sulking into the space before him. Connor does the same.  
"Um..." Sam looks at him. "Did Erin tell you about my Mom...?"  
"She told me that she passed, yes. I'm sorry, Sammy..."  
He nods, looking away for a mere second. "Um...She just told you, that she passed? Not the backstory?"  
"Backstory...?" Connor's heart resumes to sink.  
"Yeah, um...For a little more over a year, before she died...She was an alcoholic."  
Connor gulps, knowing just talking about this is taking a toll on him. "And...An addict. She would usually leave for weeks on end, and..." He blinks away tears, causing Connor to hold back some of his own.  
"One night, when she left again, like usual...I didn't think it would be the last time I saw her..." Sam's voice finally breaks, tears falling out of his eyes.  
Connor's stomach twists in knots.  
"Sammy...I'm sorry...At least she's not suffering anymore. She's not causing you guys to suffer anymore." He tries to speak hopefully.  
"That's the thing though; she still is..." Sam's severely crying now, Connor wiping a few tears out of his own eyes.  
"She o-over-d-d-dosed-" Connor doesn't want him to lose his breath from stuttering so much. "Okay, okay, slow down..." He speaks calmly, setting his hand on his back. "Just take a deep breath."  
Sam does just that, many times before continuing. "She OD'd...On heroin. To this day...We still don't know if it was an accident or not...I'm sorry, I shouldn't even be telling you this. You have no idea what to say." He hastily stands up, wiping his tears.  
"Oh, no. No." Connor does the same. "I have no problem with you telling me this...I promise."  
Miraculously, the look in Sam's eyes change.  
"Really...?" The smile on his face is small.  
"Yeah..."  
Again, they smile on each other. Hearing running footsteps, they look over and see Erin jogging towards them. "Hey. Sorry. My grandma talks a lot. Everything okay?" She now stands in front of them.  
"Yeah...Everything's cool." Sam answers. "Aw, Sammy, it's okay; we love you!" Erin's being purposely loud, running behind him and jumping on his back. "Get off!" He laughs, throwing her down. They all laugh.  
Dylan pulls up, stopping the car in front of the three of them.  
"You losers ready?" He asks Sam and Erin, after the window's rolled down.  
"Yeah. I'm ready." Says Sam. "Dad's gonna kill you." Dylan warns.  
"I know."  
"Bye Connor." Erin turns to him. "See you guys" he smiles. " _This_ is Connor?" Dylan starts, with a smirk on his face.  
Not knowing what to do, Connor forces an awkward smile. Sam scowls directly at Dylan. "I'll-I'll see you tomorrow." He looks at Connor, face burning with redness.  
"See ya." He resumes his awkward smile. "Do you need a ride?" Dylan has the nerve to ask Connor, making the blood from Sam's face drain.  
"Oh, I already have a ride on their way. But thanks for the offer." He tries not to mention his Mom, not wanting to set Sam off again.  
"Okay. Bye" Erin smiles, she and Sam getting in the backseat of the car. Connor waves once more, before watching the car drive away.  
That night, he decides to text Sam, to see if he's doing alright.  
**Hey Sam, are okay?**  
He texts back within a matter of minutes.  
**Yeah. I'm good :) thanks Connor.**  
Smiling, Connor texts him **of course. Night Sammy :)**  
He reads the text that's shortly sent back to him.  
**Goodnight Connor <3**  
His eyebrows raise. ' _Was that a typo?'_ He thinks, trying to stop himself from over thinking. ' _He's just bring nice...'_  
After debating with himself for another good few minutes, he tries texting Jude.  
**You up? I miss you.**  
**Hey. I was actually just about to head to bed. I miss you too.** Jude texts back.  
Connor stares at the message with heartbreak in his eyes.  
**Okay. Sweet dreams. I love you.**  
Phone still in his hand, he falls asleep, waiting for Jude to text those three words back.

 

 


	6. Listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor's winning night takes a turn for both the worst, and the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Love you all :)

Chapter Six: Listen:  
February 14th:  
"Happy Valentine's Day, weirdo." Connor giggles to Jude who's smirking face. on his phone screen.  
"And happy Valentine's Day to you." He grins cheekily.  
Connor makes a quick heart sign with his hands, making him laugh.  
"Hi Jude!!" Erin, who's sorting the clothes that hang in her closet, calls out obnoxiously.  
Connor shushes her, laughing.  
"I hear about you a lot only because Connor talks about you so much." She smiles.  
"Shut up Erin. Go away." Connor smiles.  
"It's _my_ room!"  
Jude laughs, smiling at him. "Nice to kind of meet you." He speaks to Erin, and she laughs.  
"So what are your moms doing for today?" Connor asks him, standing up from Erin's bed.  
"You have two moms? That's so cute!" Erin yells. Connor glares at her. "Can you be any more loud?"  
"So you want me to be louder?" She grins. Jude laughs. "Does your Dad even know we're up here?" Connor asks Erin. She scoffs. "No. He'll throw a fit if he does."  
"He thinks you're straight?"  
"Pretty much. I haven't exactly told him I'm gay yet."  
"Speaking of that, can you _please_ tell him?" Erin whines. "He wouldn't care and it's infuriating how much he thinks you're trying to get into my pants."  
Both Connor and Jude burst out laughing.  
"Do I give him fuckboy vibes?" Connor smiles, making Jude snicker.  
"Not really. You do look like one, though." Erin smirks. "Do I?" He looks a Jude with a goofy grin on his face.  
"Mmm, a little." Jude observes his profile, trying to hold back his laugher. Connor guffaws. "If you were straight would you be a fuckboy?" Erin asks.  
"Probably." Jude pipes up. " _Shut up!"_ Connor smiles, and they both laugh at him.  
"Erin!" They hear Mr. Andersen yell from downstairs. "Oh shit. Gotta go real quick. Call you back." Connor panics, looking at Jude.  
"Okay..." He can tell what's happening. "Don't die."  
Connor laughs quietly, before ending the video chat.  
They hear her Dad walking upstairs, and now sweating, he looks at her.  
"What do I do...?!" He shout whispers.  
"Just come out!"  
" _Now_?!"  
"Yes, _now_!"  
Her door opens, and she and Connor yelp out, seeing her father standing there.  
"What the hell is going on here?" He demands.  
"I'm gay!" Connor yells, throwing his hands in the air.  
"Not like _that_!" Erin screams to him.  
"What?"  
"I'm gay. I don't like your daughter, I don't want to have _sex_ with your daughter-" he looks at her. "No offense."  
Eyes now open, she flashes an angry smile along with a thumbs up.  
"Or any other girl." Connor finishes, looking back at him.  
"How do I know you're not lying to me?"  
"I have a boyfriend. Uh-uh I can show you a picture." Connor thinks of how to prove it. He gets his phone, and finds the most homosexual picture of he and Jude that he can find. A selfie of Connor kissing Jude's cheek.  
"Hm..." Mr. Andersen observes the picture, rubbing his chin.  
" _Seriously_ , Dad?! What more proof do you want?! Their _sex tape?!"_ Erin yells in exasperation.  
"Erin!" Connor uncomfortably chides.  
"I believe you." Her father hands back Connor's phone to him. "Good. We don't...Have a sex tape, by the way..." He awkwardly clarifies to him.  
"I figured that...So, when is Sam, going to be here?" He crosses his arms, looking at Erin. "He said he's leaving in a few minutes."  
"Okay. You get your homework done?"  
"Sort of."  
"Sort of? What does sort of mean?"  
"Dad Connor's gay please leave." She speaks bluntly, knowing that he's stalling.  
Feeling defeated, he hesitantly does as told.  
Connor tries calling Jude back on FaceTime, but he doesn't answer.  
About ten minutes later, Sam shows up, greeting Erin with, "Your Dad asked me if Connor's 'actually gay'."  
"Say yes." Connor advises, making him laugh.  
Sam receives a text on his phone, that makes him laugh. "Lauren?" Erin asks. "Yeah."  
"Is she your girlfriend yet?" Connor teases. "No, and she will never be my girlfriend."  
"You know who could be your girlfriend soon, though? Kaylee." Erin smiles.  
Sam blushes, setting his phone down. "I dunno..." He speaks doubtfully, yet a smirk crosses his face.  
"Get her number" Connor supports. "Don't be a fuckboy though."  
"Please. Sam is last person on earth to be a fuckboy. He blushes at the mention of Fifty Shades Of Grey." Erin teases.  
"That was a hot movie" Connor jokes, and they all laugh.  
When it's time for Connor to leave, the two of them walk him downstairs.  
"Everything go alright up there?" Mr. Andersen protectively asks his daughter.  
"Sir! I'm _gay_!" Connor heavily insists.  
Right after he declares that, Erin's mother enters inside.  
Dustin, who's in the corner playing with his toy dump truck, cocks his head in confusion.  
"Hi Connor how are you?" Mrs. Andersen speaks politely.  
"Good I gotta go..."  
February 19th:  
The three friends meet up on the far right end of the football field after Connor's first end evening football game, which he helped his team win.  
"You guys didn't have to come" he smiles.  
"We wanted to. Even Sam. And he _hates_ sports." Erin begins teasing Sam, who blushes at her comment.  
"I do not 'hate' sports. I just simply prefer not to play them." He explains with a snicker.  
"Only because you're clumsy and always get hurt."  
"Shut up."  
Connor laughs. "Well you guys won! Congrats!" Erin beams to him.  
"It's not like I played the winning point." He underestimates himself.  
"But you still got the sixth point! That's teamwork!" She smiles, making Sam laugh. Jeanette walks over to them, holding her car keys and purse.  
"You kids ready?" She smiles previously agreeing to drive the kids back to her home.  
"Yeah. I'm just gonna go change quick." Connor informs.  
After what Sam feels happen to him, he's very thankful it's dark out.  
**We won our game!!!** Connor happily texts to Jude, once he and his friends are in his room. **That's great!!! I knew you would <3** Jude texts him back almost instantly.  
Connor smiles, blushing at his response.  
"Connor loves Jude Connor loves Jude" Erin begins teasing in sing song.  
"I actually _do_ , so _ha_!" Connor smiles, cockily pointing to her. Sam forces a chuckle.  
Connor texts Jude back, but instead of receiving an instant response like expected, it's Erin's phone that buzzes.  
"Crap. My Dad wants me home." She announces, checking the text.  
"He still doesn't think I'm straight, does he?"  
"I don't think so. He's actually glad so you can't steal my virginity."  
"Oh thank God."  
"So you have to go...?" Sam asks, nervous to stay alone with Connor.  
"Yeah. But don't worry! You guys can have a guys night!" She looks at the bright side for them, smiling widely.  
The boys look over at each other, smiling discreetly.  
Sam crosses his legs. ' _So this is how I die...'_  
After Erin leaves a little after fifteen minutes later, the boys awkwardly hang around in Connor's room.  
Not one word has been said between them, in the last three minutes. Suffering in silence, Sam texts Lauren.  
**Help.  
** What's wrong?  
I'm alone with Connor. I'm gonna die I swear I'm so nervous. What do I say. WHAT DO I DO. He vents, typing so fast he can barely feel his thumbs.  
**Do you like him or something?**  
Sam almost drops his phone.  
He senses Connor looking over at him. "Sorry, uh, I keep thinking that's my phone." He excuses.  
"Jude still hasn't texted back?" Sam sets his phone down.  
"No..." Connor worriedly looks away.  
Sam's facial expression softens. "Aw, Connor, don't worry. It's only been a couple minutes."  
"I just-" he stands up in distress, running his hands through his hair.  
"I miss him _so_ much. Do you know how much I _cried_ when I first got here?"  
Sam's eyes darken at the thought of so.  
"And...I'm just happy I can text him. And when he can't even text me...I hate it." He can't help but let tears burn his eyes, and Sam watches him wipe them away from his face.  
"Connor. I'm sorry..." He walks over to him.  
"I know what it's like to miss someone, okay? Believe me I know."  
Connor knows who he's referring to.  
"You're never _not_ gonna talk to him again. You'll see him again. And it's gonna be _great_." Sam motivates. Connor looks at him with hopeful eyes. "Sometimes I just...Feels like he doesn't love me anymore..." He admits.  
"Why would you _say_ that? This must be hard for him too. He probably just doesn't know how to handle it. He's not meaning to act distant." Sam suggests.  
"I-I gotta text him." Connor scrambles for his phone, holding it in his hands.  
"Oh, no you don't!" Sam declares, trying to take it from him. "No! It's _my_ phone!" Connor defends, the two of them holding it back and forth.  
"I don't _care_! You're becoming obsessive!"  
"I am not!"  
Sam accidentally let's go of the phone, and it chucks against the wall, landing on the floor.  
"No!" Connor yells, watching Sam sprint for it. He jumps onto his back, trying to snatch it from his hand.  
"Don't make me put it in my pants!" Sam threatens, just before the phone buzzes.  
Both their bodies freeze at the exact same time. It's dead silent for very few seconds.  
"Is it him?!"  
Sam reads the text. "It's your Dad asking how you are."  
Connor groans in severe frustration, getting off of Sam and angrily pacing around the room.  
"Connor..." Sam stands up, looking over at him.  
"You're just getting all worked up because you're exhausted. Do you want me to leave?"  
"No. I want you to stay."  
Sam smiles at him. "That I can do..."  
Connor smiles back. "Here..." Sam walks over to him, slowly handing him back his phone.  
Connor bites his bottom lip, trying to fight the urge to text Jude.  
"Connor, _don't_ text him..."  
He makes an incoherent whining noise with his mouth, rapidly shaking his body around.  
"Turn your phone off, Connor...Take a deep breath."  
So that's what Connor does. To really keep himself on his toes, he puts the phone on the top shelf of his closet, making sure to keep it in there.  
"Let's focus on something else." Sam decides.  
"You wanna play a game?" Connor asks, pointing to the X-box console that's attached to the TV.  
"Uh, yeah. We can play." Sam agrees, before frowning at how strange his word choice sounded.  
Connor let's Sam sort through all the games he has, wanting to be polite and let him pick whichever one he wants.  
"Call Of Duty sounds good" Sam says, holding up the case.  
Except for that one.  
"Um...I-I think the disk is all scratched up..."  
He stopped playing that game a long time ago, for a specific reason.  
"Okay, what about that one?" Sam points to another first person shooter's game.  
" _No_. I-I mean uh-"  
"What's wrong?"  
"I just don't want to play those alright?" Connor's tone comes out harsh.  
Sam is taken aback, not knowing how to respond except for silence.  
"I'm sorry...Oh my God I'm sorry. That was awful." Connor starts frantically apologizing. Sam stops panicking, seeing how sensitive Connor's acting.  
"No, no. It's okay I get it...Um, why do you have them if you're...So strongly against them?" Sam laughs slightly, trying to lighten the mood.  
Connor smiles lightly. "Um you know what it's-it's fine we can play them..." He assures, not wanting to seem rude or cowardly.  
"Do you um want something to drink?"  
"Sure" Sam smiles, trying to be polite. "Can you come with me? Just so I don't feel awkward." He chuckles.  
"Yeah. I would've gone with you anyway."  
That makes Sam blush.  
"Is everything alright up there? I thought I heard something." Jeanette says to them, as they walk through the kitchen.  
"Uh no things are fine..." Connor avoids eye contact, as he and Sam walk to the fridge.  
"I gotta close the garage." Jeanette gets up, walking into the said area.  
Sam opens the fridge, the first item he sees, being a beer bottle.  
He slams the door closed, everything inside rattling.  
" _Whoa_ , what was that?" Connor asks, eyebrows raised with confusion.  
"Nothing, uh-I thought I saw a spider."  
"In the fridge?"  
"Never mind, uh, let's just go back upstairs."  
"Sam-" Connor now hears the garage closing.  
Sam runs out of the room, and up the staircase. "Sam! What's wrong?!"  
He follows him upstairs, just as Jeanette re-enters the house.  
Sam runs into the bathroom that's connected to Connor's room, slamming the door closed and locking it.  
"Sam. Come on out...Please." Connor leans against the door, smudging his ear against the surface.  
"No..." Sam whines, sitting behind the opposite side.  
"Come on. You can tell me what happened, and we can talk about it."  
"You won't get it."  
"Maybe I won't. But you can still tell me...I'll listen."  
Sam smiles, face covered with tears.  
He stands up, unlocking and opening the door.  
Connor smiles.  
Sam opens up to him, the two of them sitting against the edge of his bed.  
"I guess since my Mom was the way she was before she died...Seeing alcohol can sometimes send me into shock. Always at the worst times." Connor nods. "Do you have anything else that upsets you?" He wonders.  
"Arguing. There was a lot of...Arguing. Between my parents. Just brings up a lot of bad memories, I guess."  
"I get you on that one. My parents were always arguing before they split up. It was bad."  
"I _wish_ my parents got split up. I bet they would have, if she hadn't...Gone. I-I just don't understand how two people who can make each other _so_ happy...Can turn each other so toxic. It blows my mind."  
"Me too..."  
Short seconds pass, and Sam looks away.  
"I'm sorry..." He resumes crying. "It's fine...Don't apologize." Connor understands, though he hates to see him cry.  
Sam starts hyperventilating, and that's when Connor really begins to panic.  
"It's okay. It's okay. I'm here. Don't worry."  
Without thinking, he brings him into his his arms, letting the back of Sam's head rest against his pounding heart. ' _This doesn't mean anything. I'm comforting him. That's all. It's normal for friends to do that.'_  
The calmer Connor's heart beats, the calmer Sam's breaths becomes.  
Exhaling slowly, Sam sits up; releasing himself from Connor's arms.  
"I'm sorry I ruined your night..." He looks at him.  
"What? You, you didn't. I like having you here." Connor compliments.  
Sam smiles.  
"You make me feel not so alone..." Connor reveals. "Thank you for that."  
Sam nods. "You make me feel not so alone too."  
They chuckle, before Sam awkwardly roams his eyes around the room.  
"I should go...It's getting late."  
Connor gets a feeling similar to the one he feels when Jude says he has has to go.  
"Yeah...Um, we could drop you off, if you'd like."  
"Oh it's okay. I don't wanna make your Mom drive. My Dad can pick me up."  
After Ken arrives as requested, Connor has no problem walking him out.

 


	7. Many Snaps Were Heard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam thinks he could have a diagnoses. Kaylee asks him out on a date, which Connor has mixed feelings about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Comment or leave a kudos if you did :)

Chapter Seven: Many Snaps Were Heard:  
February 22nd:  
When Connor goes into school that morning, he doesn't see Sam or Erin like he usually does. They had all texted each other prior to leaving, so he figures that neither of them must be there yet.   
Are you guys on your way? He texts the both of them, not wanting to be alone if they don't show up.  
We're in the guys bathroom in the main hall. Erin texts back slowly. Connor stores away his things, before heading into the main hallway to find them.  
Entering the bathroom, he sees the two of them uncomfortably sitting on the floor below the sinks, Erin having her hands on Sam's shoulders. Connor can automatically tell that he had been crying.  
"What happened...?" He speaks steadily.  
"We heard two seventh graders getting into a huge argument with each other in the parking lot. Sam had a panic attack..." Erin explains shyly. Connor sits down before him, who's lacking eye contact. "He won't talk much." She adds.  
"It's alright...You won't hear them arguing again..." Connor speaks calmly to him.  
"You don't know that..." Sam mutters, continuing to not look at either of them.   
The first bell rings, and Sam's breaths come out rigid and heavy. "Hey. Hey. It's okay." Connor whispers, putting his hand on Sam's shoulder, along with Erin's. She takes hers away.  
"I just wanna get away from all this noise..." Sam admits, as Connor takes away his own hand.   
"We can ditch class. Go somewhere quiet." Erin suggests, studying him.  
"No. I don't want you guys skipping class for me..."  
Erin and Connor give each other thoughtful looks. "I'll stay with him." Connor volunteers.  
"No. Neither of you have to stay." Sam insists. "Well we're not leaving you here alone." Erin states.   
Connor looks at her worriedly. "I'll go..." She decides. Sam gulps. "I'm gonna stay with you, okay?" Connor asks him. "Only if you want me to."  
Sam nods, with no eye contact. "See you soon, Sammy." Erin informs lightly, before mouthing a thank you to Connor, and leaving.  
It's now just the two of them, alone in the bathroom.  
"What are you thinking about...?" Connor asks him, noticing the empty look in his eyes.  
"Bad things..." He croaks.  
"'Bad things'...?"   
Sam doesn't respond, this time.   
"What kind of bad things?" Connor tries getting an answer from him again.  
"Arguing...The arguing..." Sam answers quietly.  
Connor suddenly sees what this is about.  
"Is that why you got so scared when you heard the other kids yelling? Because of what happened with your parents?"  
Sam nods.  
"It's okay...I get reminded of stuff like that too..." Connor kindly tries to relate, though he knows that Sam's past involved much more than his parents marriage falling apart.  
"You know, I get reminded of scary things from my past, too..." Connor thinks of the certain incident, that still sends chills down his spine.  
This makes a curious Sam look into his eyes.  
"Like what?"   
"Um...You know how I didn't want to play any of those shooting games?"  
Sam nods, seeing the direction this is going in. He bites his bottom lip, scared to hear what Connor's about to say.  
"I got shot in the foot once."  
"Oh my God; _when_?" Sam actually raises his voice.  
"Last year...Jude and I were convinced by a friend, to sneak into their house late at night. Their Dad woke up and thought we were breaking in...And it happened." He excludes the part about how they were pressured to drink, he knowing it'll make Sam upset.  
"Oh my God...That must've been scary for _all_ of you. I'm glad you're okay..."  
"Yeah...I haven't exactly told many people about it before...I prefer not to talk about it. But if me telling you about it will help you deal with your things...Then I will."  
Sam smiles at him. "You didn't have to do that...But thank you."  
Connor smiles back. "No problem...Um, I'm obviously not gonna be playing any of  those shooting games anymore. Haven't played them in months. You can have them." He offers.  
"No." Sam speaks profoundly. "If playing them makes you uncomfortable, then I won't play them."  
Connor smiles first, this time.  
Sam hugs him, leading Connor to wonder if he should hug back or not. Sam doesn't care whether he does, or not, arms still wrapped around him.  
"Connor?"  
"Yeah?"  
"I think I'm ready to go to class."  
During lunch, Kaylee walks up to Sam in the cafeteria, during the middle of he and his friends conversation.  
"Hey..." She starts, with a smile.  
"Hi..." He smiles back.  
Connor and Erin look at each other. "Um, so I was wondering if you wanted, to like, go out sometime, or something?" She continues smiling awkwardly.  
Sam almost jumps out of his chair. Connor bites the inside of his cheek. Erin's eyes light up, a grin sprawling across her face.  
"Yeah! Um, um yeah; that'd be cool...!" Sam tries to contain his excitement.  
"Okay, cool..." Kaylee blushes, before asking, "Um could I give you my number?"  
"Yeah." Sam smiles, giving her his phone.  
She adds herself as a contact, before handing the device back to him. "There. I'll see ya." She smiles.  
"Bye."  
His eyes continue brightening, watching her walk away.   
"Aw, _Sam_!" Erin smiles, before he turns to her beaming.  
"High five!" She holds up her palm, and he gives her one.   
Connor smiles and also gives him one, figuring he might as well do the same.   
At the perfect time, Jude texts him.   
**Hi! How's lunch going?**  
Connor happily sits up, beginning to text back.  
 **Hi! It's alright. When do you think we can see each other again????**  
At the end of the school day, Sam walks up to Connor, who's getting his things prepared at his locker. "Hey."  
"Hey, what's up?" Connor asks, turning to him.  
"Um, do you think maybe I can go back to your house with you after your practice? Dylan's tutoring; my Dad has a late shift and I really don't wanna be home alone."  
Connor wants to ask why Sam prefers such things, but he holds his tongue.  
"Uh, yeah! That'll be cool" he smiles.   
"Great. Thanks."   
After short seconds of them just smiling at each other, Connor asks him, "So, um, do you know when your date with Kaylee's gonna be?"  
"No, not yet." Sam's smile is nervous. "Don't be nervous. She wouldn't have asked you out if she didn't like you." Connor assures.  
Sam nods. "Thanks...Nothing like this has ever really happened to me before."   
"I find _that_ hard to believe."  
Sam stares at him, in surprise that he would even say something close to that. Blinking, he finally forces a chuckle. "Well, believe it...You should get to practice."  
"Yeah...Bye Sammy."  
Sam watches him as he walks away.   
Returning from the boys' locker room after practice, a showered and changed Connor sees Sam talking with Kaylee, in the hallway that's practically a ghost town.  
They giggle at each other, before noticing Connor. "Hey." Sam smiles to him.  
"Hey...You ready?" Connor asks him. "My...Uh, she's here." He doesn't want him to be set off in front of Kaylee, when things are already going so well.  
"Yeah. Bye." He looks at Kaylee. "I'll text you."  
"Sounds sweet. Bye guys." She smiles, before walking out of the school. Connor tightly presses his lips together.   
"You ready?" Sam asks him.  
"Yeah. I'm just gonna text Jude quick." Connor feels the need to purposely bring that up.  
' _What the hell am I doing?'_ He can't help but wonder.   
Little does he know is that Sam's thinking the exact same thing to himself.  
The two of them now upstairs on his room floor, about fifteen minutes later; Connor breaks the silence.  
"Can I ask you something?"  
Sam looks at him. "Yeah..."  
"Why, don't you wanna stay home alone?"  
His question makes Sam freeze, eyes going going big.  
"Sorry, um, should I not have asked that-?"  
"Oh, oh it's fine, um...Usually I have no problem with it, but...Recently, I just...Don't really trust myself."  
"What do you mean by that...?"  
Sam clicks his tongue and waits several seconds, before speaking.   
"I think there's something wrong with me...Mentally..."   
"Sam, it's perfectly normal to grieve, and get anxious about things that happened in your past." Connor thinks he's jumping to conclusions.  
"That's the thing...It's more than that, though. I've been having nightmares. _Lots_ of nightmares...For the last few weeks."  
"Why wouldn't you _tell_ me? Or Erin?" Connor instantly panics.  
"I didn't want you guys to worry...I guess..."  
"Well, what do you think could be...Going on with you...?" Connor chooses his words carefully.   
"Um...I'm thinking it might be PTSD."  
Connor's mouth goes dry.   
"Oh...Are-are you sure?" He sweats, hoping it's not true.  
"Maybe...What happened with my Mom...Was pretty brutal."  
"But that was a long time ago, right?"  
"I've read you can still get it even years after what traumatized you."  
"Oh..."  
Connor doesn't understand how what happened to Sam could be so traumatizing that it led to a diagnoses, but maybe that's the point. Connor wasn't there. He doesn't know what happened.   
"Is there a way you can find out? Like, some sort of test?"  
"I would assume...There's stuff online, but I doubt it's very accurate."  
"You could still see..." Connor finds his laptop, that's in the corner of his room.  
"I mean, it's worth a shot. Just to see if it's possible..." He suggests.  
Sam nods hesitantly.  
"Okay..."   
Connor opens the laptop for him.  
•••  
"It's eighty two percent."  
Connor looks over at Sam, who's staring at his computer screen.  
"What...?"  
"The test...I have eighty two percent out of one hundred percent PTSD, apparently..."  
Connor looks at the screen, seeing all of the questions Sam had answered. Saying yes to nightmares, loss in interests, irritability outbursts...  
"Oh my God..."  
"That doesn't mean I have it." Sam's in denial.   
"Well it's defiantly affecting you in some way...! What do you think you should do?" Connor asks him.  
"I don't know...Maybe therapy, again? I'm...I'm scared..." He stares down at the carpet. "Hey, hey. Don't be scared. If something is going on, Erin and I will help you, and be there for you every step of the way? Alright? I promise."  
Sam smiles at him with moist eyes. "Thank you, um...Can I have some advice, if you don't mind?"  
"Yeah, what about?"  
"Ummmm...It's about Kaylee. And the date." Connor forces a smirk. "Scared you'll mess up?"   
"Yeah, maybe...I'm scared I'll have no idea what to say..."  
"Just start asking her questions. Or...Or compliment her. I assume girls like that stuff. I dunno. I'm not into them."  
They laugh.  
"I mean, I had a 'girlfriend' before Jude and I started dating..."  
Sam nods. "What did you do, to like, make her feel special?"  
"I dunno, just, was nice to her. Joked around with her...I mean, it's not like my feelings were real." He looks away for a quick second.  
Sam nods.  
"On the date...What if I want to kiss her?"   
This makes Connor's eyebrows raise. "Oh, um, well I would suggest you do just that."  
Sam giggles. "I mean, like, how do I...Be 'good' at it. I've never kissed anyone...I assume you and Jude have kissed."  
Blushing, Connor nods. "Yeah..."  
"Did you kiss him first, or did he kiss you first?"  
"I...Kissed him first...We were on a camping trip, in our tent together."  
"How'd you...Build up to it?"  
"I honestly just went for it...It all happened so fast..." Connor tries to stay intact with reality, catching himself deep in thought about the event.  
"I don't want to catch her off guard, though. How do I...Let her _know_ I'm about to kiss her?"  
Connor looks directly into his eyes.  
"Here's what you do...You stare into her eyes...Grab onto her shoulders...Pull her in slowly. And then you just...Do it."   
Sam tries not to stare back at him too much. It's dead silent; neither of them blinking.  
Sam finally clears his throat and blinks, breaking eye contact. Connor's muscles relax, and he quietly exhales.  
"Connor...?"  
"Yeah...?" He begins sweating.  
"Um, have...Have you and Jude, like, ever..."  
Connor can see where he's going with this. "Oh, um-um...No...Like, we've made out, but that was it."  
"You guys haven't done anything more than that?" Sam tests.  
"I mean, one time our shirts came off but then my _Dad_ walked in."  
Sam can't help but snicker. "That must've _sucked_..."  
Connor chuckles. "Yeah...He wasn't happy..." His tone turns sour, and he looks away again.   
"Connor?"  
"Yes Sammy?" He looks at him. "Why did you...Want to live with your Mom?"   
He knows that Sam's slowly putting the pieces together.  
"Um...Just really missed her, I guess."  
"But, I mean, you miss Jude so much, and...I figured you wouldn't have left him...Unless you had to..."  
Connor refuses to speak.  
"Do you ever talk to your Dad, anymore...?"  
Connor's eyes are bleak, when they meet Sam's.   
"He doesn't accept me, okay...?" His voice slowly breaks, right along with Sam's heart.  
"He doesn't...Love me..."  
"Why would you _say_ that he doesn't love you? Because you're gay? Connor that's _sick_. Just because he doesn't think it's right doesn't mean he doesn't _love_ you."  
Connor holds back tears. "He hit me once..." He reveals.  
Sam's stomach drops. "Like...Smacked you on the arm 'hit you'? Or..."  
"Gave me a black eye and face bruise 'hit me'..."  
"Why haven't you told your mother?!" Sam raises his voice.  
"It was _one_ time!"  
" _So_?! My Mom slapped my face one time. Doesn't mean it wasn't wrong."  
Connor sighs, looking away for a short second.  
"Well...I'm glad you've gotten away from him...I want you safe."  
Connor smiles shortly. "I want you safe too..."  
They're looking into each other's eyes again, when Sam's phone buzzes.  
"Is it Erin?" Connor asks, watching Sam check his phone screen with scared eyes.  
"It's _Kaylee_..."  
"What'd she say?" Connor asks, leaning over and looking at the phone with him.  
"Just 'hey'...What do I say back?"  
"Just say 'hey' like she did."  
"That's boring. I wanna seem interesting."  
Connor grins. "Send her memes."  
They burst out laughing, only to begin joking about what memes Sam should send her.  
This leads them to _look_ at those said memes, to have them laugh even harder.  
It gets to point where Sam drops his phone with an aching stomach, from guffawing so much.   
Connor wipes away his tears due to the the enormous amounts of laughing, and they grin at each other with bright eyes.   
Sam's facial expression turns suddenly serious, having Connor resume to sweat.  
Sam moves his face closer to his, their noses touching.  
What leads Connor to move away, is his bedroom door opening.  
At the same time, the boys look over at the figure standing in the doorway.   
Connor's blood turns cold.  
"Surprise!"  
"Dad...!" 


	8. The Truth Will Set You Free; But From What, Exactly?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out. Most of it, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed <3

Chapter Eight: The Truth Will Set You Free; But From What, Exactly?  
Connor forces a manageable smile, seeing his father stand in the doorway. Jeanette stands behind them, happy to see them reuniting.  
"Um, what-what are you doing here...?" Connor tries sounding highly intrigued, but comes off as more curious.  
"Your mother called. She really wanted me to see you. And so did I."  
"Oh...!" Connor continues smiling forcefully, making sure to give his mother aggressive eyes.  
"Who's this?" Adam asks, pointing to Sam who awkwardly stands in the corner, with his hands folded. His body stills when their eyes meet, knowing what kind of person Adam is.  
"Uh, Dad, this is my friend Sam..." Connor introduces, pointing over to him.  
"Hi..." Sam finally speaks. "Nice to meet you."  
"You too." Adam's tone is kind, but the look he gives Sam is uneasy. Connor crinkles his forehead at the sight. ' _I can't even have a guy friend?'_ He thinks.  
"Oh Sam, honey, would you like to stay for dinner?" Jeanette politely offers.  
He flinches. "Um..." He doesn't want to leave Connor alone with Adam because he knows it will make him uncomfortable, but he doesn't want to come off as rude, either.  
It's in that moment when Connor gives Sam a desperate look that begs him to stay.  
"Sure...!"  
"Alright, good! I'm just getting dinner prepared."  
"Um, we can help you set the table." Connor offers, not wanting him and Sam to be with Adam alone.  
"That'd be great, thank you."  
Connor and Sam look at each other, their eyes screaming for help.  
As Jeanette prepares dinner, the boys and Adam help set the table. "How have you been? I haven't talked to you since before you left." Adam wonders to his son.  
"Pretty good..."  
"I'm guessing you two met through school?" He looks at both him and Sam. "Um, yeah..." Connor answers for him.  
Sam nods.  
"Have you been talking to Jude?"  
"Yeah; a little."  
"Just a little; he was the reason why you didn't wanna _come_ here." Adam comments.  
"Yeah well you were the reason I _did_ come here."  
Sam almost drops the plate he's about to set down, making his heart sprint even faster.  
"Connor...?" Jeanette isn't pleased, glaring him down. "Can I talk to you for a second...?"  
They exit the room, leaving Adam and Sam alone. His face flushes, once Adam makes eye contact.  
He sets the plate down, clearing his throat.  
Jeanette drags Connor into the office room, locking them in there.  
"What the hell _was_ that. What are you doing." She demands.  
"What are _you_ doing?! You know I don't want to see him! You can't make me!"  
"Well he wants to see you."  
"Well he should've thought about that before he decided to be a-"  
"Enough!" She whispers in a shout. "Enough...I'm trying to help you, Connor."  
"Yeah? Because right now it looks like you're only trying to help _yourself_."  
In the kitchen, Sam and Adam haven't said one word to each other.  
Until Adam decides to speak up. "So Sam...It is Sam, correct?"  
"Yes sir..."  
"I'm aware you're friends with Connor?"  
"Mm hm." Sam nods innocently, fear in his eyes.  
"You said you met at school. How is school? Any other friends? A girlfriend of some sort?"  
Sam sees what he's doing.  
"No sir. Just a few friends...Um, Connor's a nice kid."  
Adam nods in agreement. "I'm glad you seem to think so. Now, tell me, what has he told you?"  
"Excuse me...?" Sam turns pale in an instant.  
He doesn't like the look Adam is giving him.  
At that moment, Jeanette and Connor finally return.  
"Um, dinner seems about ready. So let me just...Set that down..." Jeanette hurries over to the stove. "There's plenty to drink. You want a beer, Adam?"  
"Sure. Don't mind if I do."  
Connor's first instinct is to look at Sam.  
He stares off into space, looking as if he might cry.  
It doesn't sound like he's even breathing.  
"Um...We'll be right back." Connor announces, pulling Sam out into the living room.  
"Hey. Hey. Sammy, you okay?" He tugs on his left arm.  
Sam jumps, a gasp sounding from his mouth. He looks at Connor with tears in his eyes.  
"Yeah, uh..." He blinks them away. "I'm fine..."  
"You really don't have to stay. I don't want you being uncomfortable. Especially since my Dad's drinking."  
"No, um...My family still isn't home, and, I don't want to just abandon you..."  
"But what happens if you get anxious-?"  
"I just---won't look at the drink. Don't worry." He nervously smiles at him, before turning away.  
"Sam. Wait-" Connor knows he's avoiding the subject that they're both dreading talking about. "Let's go..."  
The first thing Sam's eyes lead him to once he re-enters the kitchen, is the beer can sitting on the table, next to Adam's plate.  
He jumps. "Everything alright?" Jeanette asks him. "Yeah..."  
Lacking any sort of eye contact, he sits as far away from Adam as possible.  
"You alright Sam? You don't look too good." Adam observes, seeing a very pale and sweaty Sam, sulking at the wall in front of him.  
Connor clenches his jaw, at the fact that Adam talks to Sam as if he knows him.  
He looks at the beer can next to his father's plate.  
A plan popping into his head, he knocks the drink onto the floor.  
"Oh, shoot..." He tries to sound like he cares about what he just did, watching the beer spill onto the floor.  
"Did I do that? I'm sorry..." He stands up, hastily grabbing paper towels, and wiping up the mess.  
"I'm pretty sure that was the last one." Jeanette shares.  
Adam might be saying nothing out of irritability, but Sam has a huge grin on his face.  
Connor notices him staring into his eyes, smiling back without question.  
•••  
Walking Sam out onto the porch while waiting for Dylan to pick him up, Connor gazes at him as he purposely tries to look away.  
"Sam?"  
He looks at him, face fill of remorse.  
"Yeah...?"  
"Back in my room...Did you try, kissing me...?"  
Sam's face is almost as red as the fire truck he wish would run him over right now.  
"Well...It's not like you tried stopping me..."  
Connor's eyes almost pop out of its sockets.  
" _Excuse_ me? Um...I have a boyfriend..." He laughs nervously, shocked by how ridiculous Sam is sounding.  
"Exactly, Connor. You have a boyfriend."  
"So you shouldn't have tried _kissing_ me."  
"Okay, maybe I shouldn't have. But answer this: why were you not _stopping_ me?" Sam's interrogating him, now.  
Connor starts sweating. "I..I was shocked, okay? I could barely comprehend what was happening..."  
"Okay, Connor. I won't try kissing you again." Sam's annoyed, making Connor fume.  
"Fine...Good. Like I said, I have a boyfriend."  
"Oh yeah. How's he doing, again?" Sam's purposely trying to piss him off.  
"Screw you..." Connor's face turns an angry red.  
"How's Kaylee?" He tries firing back.  
"I'll know when I text her. She texted me, remember? That reminds me...When's the last time Jude's texted you first?"  
Connor snaps.  
"Why don't you just go home and cry to your _Mom_ about how much you like me? Oh wait...I forgot..."  
Seeing Sam's reaction to what he had said, makes him want to tear his own tongue out.  
Sam's face is red with embarrassment, tears now going down his face.  
In this moment, he knows he went too far.  
"Well I'm sorry for ever liking you...It's okay, though. You don't have to worry about it anymore."  
Those words shock Connor mid breath.  
When Sam wants to go back home more than he ever has, Dylan pulls up.  
Giving Connor one last look of betrayal, he runs over to the car that's parked in front of the curb, slamming the door after he's made his way inside.  
Connor allows angry tears to run down his face, watching the car drive off.  
Groaning incoherently, he brings a swift kick to the nearest direction of his house.  
Neither does he stop himself from letting out a soft sob.

 


	9. Connor Stevens VS. The World:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Adam being temporarily back, Erin taking Sam's side, and tension with Jude, Connor's got a lot on his plate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you all <3

Chapter Nine: Connor Stevens VS. The World:  
February 23rd:  
Connor can't seem to gobble down his breakfast fast enough.  
"Connor, slow down. You have plenty of time." Jeanette assures, watching him forcefully swallow down his toast.  
He sits across from his father, who keeps their attention on the paper they're reading.  
He slept on the couch last night, which Connor chose to rightfully ignore.   
"What...?" Connor asks with a sudden voice crack, witnessing Jeanette stare him down.  
"You still haven't told us why you were so upset last night..." She crosses her arms.  
"It was just...A school thing. Don't worry about it. I'm fine now." He claims.  
"Did something happen with Sam?" Jeanette asks, making Connor's face flush.  
This gets Adam's attention.  
Connor sweats, feeling both pairs of eyes on him.  
"It was only a stupid argument. Can I just, please get to school...?"  
"Your bus isn't even here yet."  
"I can drive you." Adam speaks up, making Connor almost choke up his food.  
"I'd rather _walk_ , thank you." He looks at him coldly. "Connor." Jeanette chides.   
"Why can't you drive me?" He asks.  
"I have to get to work. I love you." She gives him a quick kiss on the cheek. "It's not that long a drive."  
She leaves the house, Adam now staring across at Connor.  
He avoids eye contact.  
•••  
In the car, he refuses to sit in the front seat.  
"So...Are things alright between you and Sam?" Adam decides to get to the bottom of the situation.  
"Why would you care?" Connor snaps, sitting in the far left backseat.  
"Just wondering...He seems to really care about you."  
"Yeah. And I care about him."  
"Hm..."  
"What?"  
"It just...Seems like you're trying to prove something to me, that's all."  
"Prove _what_? That I can be friends with another boy and still be gay? What are you accusing me of?"  
"I never said I was accusing you of anything."  
"That's sure what it _sounds_ like. I would never do that to Jude. I love him too much."  
"You seem to love Sam, too."  
"In a _different_ kind of way." Connor's so angry that he can no longer see straight.  
The rest of the ride is quiet, until they arrive in the school's parking lot.  
"Listen...Sam knows. _All_ about you. He knows. About the ' _incident_ '. And unless you want _Mom_ to know, I suggest you start treating me with some respect." Connor threatens, before getting out of the car, making sure to slam the door behind him.  
Running into the school, he keeps his eyes out for Sam. He repeats the apology he's planning to speak to him, over and over in his head.   
But he can only find Erin.  
"Erin! Do you know where Sammy is?!" He can't help but raise his voice out of desperation.  
"He's not here today. Had a rough morning..."  
"Well can I please have his address? I _need_ to see him. Something happened-"  
"I know what happened, Connor. He told me _everything_. That happened. He told me what you said to him..." Erin's being harsh, which Connor can understand.  
Of course she'd pick Sam over Connor. He's heard the story. Met in the third grade and confirmed their friendship a year later. She's known Connor for almost a single month.  
While she does care about him, he understands why she's being biased.  
"Erin...I can't help how I feel. I'm _sorry_."  
"Well he can't help how he feels either, Connor! I don't _care_ , if you have a boyfriend back in San Diego. You have no right to bring Sam down for his feelings."   
"I know. I _know_ that, okay? That's why I need to see him and apologize....So give me his address. Please."  
With a sigh and a stubborn look on her face, she decides to give in.  
So he begins running.  
"You're gonna see him now?! You're gonna miss first period!" She yells out.  
" _I don't care_!"  
It takes him a good eleven minutes to sprint all the way to the home. He's sweating and out of breath when he struggles to make it up to the porch, but it's worth it.  
He knocks on the door, loud pants continuing to leave his mouth.  
Seconds later, Ken stands before him.  
"It's Connor, right?" He asks, after he can't help but stare him down, wondering why he could be here.  
"Yeah. Is Sammy here?" He rubs his sweaty palms together, hoping Ken doesn't know what had happened. "Yes, but he's not feeling so well right now."  
"Please. I know you don't know me very well, but, I know _him_ very well and I need to speak to him."  
After thinking about it, Ken answers him.  
"You can talk to him. But he's in a very depressed state. He might have a hard time responding."  
Connor's heart falls into his stomach.  
 _'I did this_ '. He thinks.  
"Alright...Um, thank you. Thank you so much."   
Ken lets him inside, and Connor jogs upstairs to find the room Sam's hiding away in.  
"Sam? Sam?"  
He checks various rooms, before finding the bedroom that he shares with Dylan, seeing him laying down with his back turned.  
"Sammy...?" At first, Connor thinks he's asleep. But he looks over, to see that his eyes are wide open, staring at the wall in front of him,  
"Sammy can you talk to me...? It's Connor." He decides to state his name, just in case.  
The only sounds he can hear from Sam are his breathing.  
"Um, listen if you don't want to talk to me...I get it. I wouldn't wanna talk to me either...But, what I said to you last night...Was _so_ awful. I apologize with every bone in my body. I...I care about you. I really do. And I know you care about me. I had no right to guilt you about your feelings...Sam?" He tries speaking to him.  
Nothing.  
This makes him think of the time when Jude refused to speak, making tears enter his eyes.  
"Sammy..." He touches his shoulder.  
Sam flinches, making Connor gasp.  
"Oh my God, uh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Sam...?"  
Breathing.  
"Can you talk to me?"  
Another breath.  
" _Please_?"   
And another one.  
Now crying, Connor wipes away his tears. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm so so sorry." He begins whispering.  
"I would never wanna hurt you. And knowing that I have...It's one of the worst things I could ever feel."  
He sees Sam sit up only slightly.  
"Sam?"  
Knowing he's not going to answer, he climbs into the bed, next to him.  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." He continues crying, speaking in an inside voice.   
With that he gives him the hug he had never returned.  
"I'll see you soon, okay?" He speaks into the shoulder his face is smudged into.  
"Glad we got to talk." He gets out of the bed, staring at him one last time.  
"You're important to me, Sammy..."  
He leaves the door open, when leaving.  
"Hi. Um, he wouldn't talk." He says to Ken, downstairs.  
"Yeah. When gets really depressed he completely shuts down and just doesn't speak."  
Hearing that breaks Connor's heart.  
"Um, that didn't stop me from talking though. Can you, just let him know that I'm sorry? And would never mean to hurt him?"  
"I will." Ken nods.  
"Thank you. Thank you so much."  
"You know you didn't cause this, right? It's not you. It's, it's his mentality. We think he might he might have delayed onset post traumatic stress disorder." Ken explains.  
Connor's heart races at the fact this diagnoses could be more true. "I know...I wish him all the luck."  
And all the love.  
He runs all the way back to the school, with tears going down his face.   
•••  
Entering the eighth grade hallway, the only thing he sees is Erin taking notice to his presence.   
His eyes beg for forgiveness. Crying all over again, he runs over to her and she lets him body slam against hers, wrapping his arms around him.  
" _I'm sorry. I'm sorry._ " He cries into her shoulder.  
"Hey. Hey. It's okay Connor. We all mess up." She has him look at her. "He's gonna be alright. Okay? Things will work out. I know him. He's a fighter. He'll make it."  
Making strange hiccuping noises with his mouth, Connor nods.   
"Let's get to class, Connor."  
•••  
Jude and Connor get around to speaking on the phone, that night.  
"Can I tell you something?" Connor asks hesitantly, wanting to open up to Jude about what happened.  
"Yeah, anything..."  
Connor contemplates for many seconds, before finally deciding to speak.  
"Sam tried to kiss me."  
"What? When?"  
"Yesterday...I didn't let him."  
Couldn't let him.  
"Oh. Um...Good..." Jude speaks unsurely. "Jude, don't worry. He's just my friend. I love you." Connor promises.  
"I know, but, he still likes you..."  
"Do you not trust me?"  
"Of course I trust you. It's him I don't trust."  
"Jude." Connor tries not to sound assertive.  
"He's not the kinda person to steal someone away. He knows not to try anything again. And even if he did, I wouldn't let him." Connor tries coaxing.   
"But wouldn't it be awkward if you two keep being friends, when you know he likes you? And he knows you don't like him?" Jude questions.  
"He'll get over it. He likes a girl at our school."  
"Like _you_ liked a girl at _our_ school?"  
This question makes Connor sigh. He doesn't know how else to convince him that he shouldn't worry.  
"I don't think you should be friends with him anymore." Jude admits.  
Connor cringes. " _What_...? He's my friend."  
"It's just gonna hurt both of you if you keep hanging out together. I trust you. But I'm just trying to get you to do what's best."  
"Well..." Connor defensively trails off.  
"He doesn't wanna see me anymore anyway, so...You got what you wanted."  
"What? Why?"  
"We got in some stupid argument about the whole thing...It's fine. I just, don't wanna cut him out of my life. If things get out of hand, then I'll end it...Okay? Jude?"  
"Yeah...Okay."  
"Are you mad?"   
"No...I just don't want things to get messy. That's all."  
' _Believe me. They already have._ '   
"Don't worry. And, if his feelings for me do continue, then he's just gonna have to accept the fact that I'm in love with you." Connor smirks, making him giggle.  
"I gotta get some sleep." He admits.  
"Okay..." Connor forces a sad smile.  
"Night Jude. I love you."  
"You too. Goodnight."   
Connor's heart jumps, hearing him hang up.  
He takes the phone away from his ear, and sighs.   
"Talking to Jude?" He hears his Dad's voice, looking over to see him peaking his head in the doorway.  
Connor frowns. "Who _else_ would I be talking to?"  
Adam says nothing at that, and leaves him alone.   
Clenching his jaw, Connor stomps into Jeanette's room, to see her doing laundry.  
"When is he leaving?" He demands.  
She looks at him. "His flight's on Sunday."  
"Well make him get an earlier one. I want him out."   
"Connor, you need to stop it. I know you guys don't have the best relationship, but please _try_ getting along-"  
"You don't get it, do you? It's _not_. _Going_. _To work._ We've never been close. And we never _will_ be. I don't even know why I stayed with him when you moved out here."  
" _Connor Alexander."_  
He knows she's fed up when she pulls the middle name card.   
"I already have a damaged relationship with one parent. I don't want one with you too..."  
Those words hit her hard, bringing tears into her eyes.   
"Connor...You know I love you."  
"Never mind. Forget I said that...I'm going to bed."  
With that being said, he leaves.  
Wiping tears out of his eyes, his phone buzzes. Heart lifting, he hopes it's Jude.   
Except, it's Sam. **Hi** is all the text simply reads.  
Heart pounding, Connor texts back without a second to waste.  
 **Hi!! How are you???**  
He anxiously waits for a reply.  
 **Better. I think I'm gonna be at school tomorrow.**  
Connor smiles. **That's great! I'm so happy for you. Can't wait to see you.** He sends.  
 **You too. Thanks for the visit, Con'. I forgive you.**  
Reading those words make Connor smile.  
 **You don't have to. What I said was pretty bad.** He has no problem with owning up to his mistake.  
 **I've heard worse. Goodnight Connor :)**  
He raises his eyebrows, shocked to think that Sam's heard worse comments revolved around his mother and her death.  
 **Goodnight Sammy :)**  
He climbs into bed with a smile, looking more forward than ever to hopefully seeing Sammy tomorrow. 


	10. Timing Is Never Wrong:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angsty!Connor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3

Chapter Ten: Timing Is Never Wrong:  
February 24th:  
"Why are you suddenly in all these rushes to get to school, dear?" Jeanette asks Connor the next morning, watching him eat his cereal at the kitchen table in a hurry.  
Adam sits across from him, reading the paper as usual.   
"Sam should be back at school today and I wanna see him." Connor explains with a mouthful, swallowing his food.  
"Manners, please." Jeanette requests.  
"That's the reason, huh?" Adam asks, looking at his son.  
Meeting his eyes, Connor frowns. "Yeah. He wasn't there yesterday. You got a problem with that?"  
Adam stands up. "Me, no. It just seems a bit odd that you're so eager to see him, that's all." He walks over to the fridge.  
"Adam, just let him have a friend." Jeanette speaks in distress.  
Fridge now open, he turns around with a beer can in his hand. "Who said I wasn't letting him have a friend? He know you're gay?"  
"Adam." Jeanette snaps.   
"Yeah, does he know _you're_ an alcoholic?" Connor asks back, glaring at the drink Adam holds.  
"It's just one drink" Adam chuckles, not seeing the big deal.  
"Yeah well it's not very healthy. You know, I don't recall buying more beers." Jeanette crosses her arms, giving him eyes of anger.  
"I went and picked some up. That a problem?"  
' _Of course you did.'_ Connor thinks.   
Jeanette looks at him. "Get dressed, baby. I'll drive you to school."  
Making sure not to look at Adam, Connor runs into his room. "No wonder you divorced him." They can hear him muttering, before his door closes.  
She tries not to snicker. "You know, if you're gonna get wasted, I prefer you not to do so in my house." She scowls.   
" _Get a motel._ "  
•••  
Connor runs down the eighth grade hallway, searching for Erin and Sam.  
He notices Erin ten feet away, staring at something she sees in the distance.   
He walks over next to her. "Hey."  
He then realizes that she's looking at Sam talking with Kaylee.  
His small smile drops within a matter of seconds.  
"They're going out Friday night." Erin quietly informs.   
" _What_?"  
She looks at him. "Why? You jealous?"  
He blushes. "What...? Why would I be jealous?"  
"Of Sam? That he has Kaylee?" She's clearly playing around.   
He forces a laugh. "Yeah. That's it."  
Once Kaylee walks away from Sam, he notices Connor and walks over to him.  
"Hey." He smiles.   
"Hey...Glad you're back." Connor tells him.  
"Yeah. Me too."  
The bell rings, and Connor studies Sam's look of worry.  
•••  
"I just don't _get_ it" Connor rants to Erin at lunch, pacing around the football field while waiting for Sam.   
"He tries kissing me, and now he's going out with her?" He finishes.  
"Well he was probably just confused. He was asking you about advice on how to kiss her; maybe he wanted to practice..." Erin theorizes.  
"It doesn't make any _sense_ , though." Connor continues. "I thought he liked me. Not that I want him too; I'm glad he likes her."  
"Then what are you going on about?" Erin asks, squinting her eyes.  
"I don't know, okay?! I just don't get how he can try kissing me and then ask out some girl two days later."  
"'Some girl'?" Erin can defiantly get pick up the sense that he's jealous of her.  
"You know what I mean. And are you sure he should even be dating? He's gotta lotta stuff going on."  
"Why are so worried about it?" Erin asks, crinkling her nose.   
"I'm just looking out for him, that's all..."  
Now in earshot, Sam jogs up to them. "Hey. Sorry. I was talking to Kaylee."  
"Ooh, how are things with her going?" Erin smiles, her tone playful.  
"Good" he smiles.   
"Um, are you doing okay with; what's been going on and stuff?" Connor asks, wanting to hear his perspective.  
"I'm still a little jumpy, but overall, it could be worse." Sam shares, making him nod.  
"Does Kaylee know?" Asks Erin.   
"No..." They can tell that Sam is hesitant, and feels uneasy about telling her what's going on.  
"Sam, if the judges you then she's not with worth it." Erin declares.  
"Yeah! And besides-she seems like a nice girl" Connor adds on.  
Sam smiles. "She is. I'm just nervous, I guess..."  
"Don't be. Remember what we talked about?" Connor asks.   
"Yeah..." Sam bites his bottom lip, indicating that he's still unsure.   
"I think the line in the lunchroom calmed down. Want me to bring you guys back some stuff?" Erin offers.  
"Yeah, thanks." Connor speaks.   
The farther Erin is away from them, the deeper Sam's stomach drops.  
"So...How's Jude?" He can't help but ask Connor.  
"He's fine. Haven't been talking to him much."  
"Did you tell him about...What happened?" Sam asks, embarrassment in his tone. His face turns bright red.  
"Yeah, um, and he actually said the funniest thing about it" Connor chortles, trying to laugh it off.  
"What'd he say?"  
"Um, he said, that; he thinks I shouldn't be friends with you anymore...Isn't that funny?"   
"What? Why wouldn't he trust you?" Sam's puzzled.  
"Well you see, it's not me he doesn't trust. It's-" "It's me..." Sam finishes.   
"Yeah...But it's not like I agree with him. You're..."  
"Listen, Connor...What I did back there...It was stupid. And I'm sorry. It just caused drama. I don't like you. I was just caught up in the moment. I would never try to tear you and Jude apart, okay? That I can promise you." Sam explains himself.   
There's mixed emotions in Connor's eyes, and a forced smile on his face.  
"Yeah...I know. I trust you, Sam. Bros?" He holds up his palm.  
"Bros" Sam smiles, giving him a quick high five. They chuckle, and Erin eventually returns with a majority of snacks.  
"Everything okay?" She studies them carefully.  
"Yeah. We're cool" Sam smiles, giving Connor a quick look.   
Connor smiles back, but the same confused look, still remains in his eyes. And he has no idea how to make it go away.  
February 25th:  
It's been one month since Connor's moved to Los Angeles. Ever since the day he left, he hadn't been able to see Jude, and he's getting fed up with so.   
"I'm serious, Mom. I want to see him. It's been a _month_. Can't believe I'm not _dead_." Connor whines to Jeanette, the two of them sitting on the couch.  
"I could take you back to San Diego with me; you can see him there." Adam suggests, walking over to them. He stares at Connor with his red eyes, speaking with breath that smells of booze.  
"You leave right before a school week, Adam. Remember?" Jeanette raises her eyebrows, crossing his arms at him.  
"One or two missed days wouldn't hurt."   
"I have a math test on Monday." Connor officially kills the idea. "Which he _cannot_ miss." Insists his mother.  
"How you doing in that?" Adam asks.  
"Well, if you must know, I'm doing fine." Connor speaks blandly, glaring straight at Adam. "That's good. I'm proud of you."  
"You should be."  
"Okay, Connor um I think you should get some of your homework done." Jeanette speaks up, wishing he'd tone down his attitude.  
"But what about-"  
"I'm _sure_ you and Jude can figure something out next weekend. Alright. You're going to see him."  
He looks away from the both of them.  
"I'll be in the kitchen" Adam announces, turning around and walking towards the entrance.  
"Drunk ass." Connor mutters.   
Adam stops in his tracks. Jeanette sits up, un-crossing her arms. "I hear you say something?" Adam asks, turning around, looking directly into Connor's eyes.  
"Me? No..." He tries to show no resentment on the outside, but inside he's scared as hell.  
Adam leaves.  
"Keep up the attitude with your father; you can wait another month for Jude." Jeanette threatens.  
His heart drops. "Fine..." He gives in, voice sounding defeated.   
He knows that she's serious. A sigh exits his mouth.   
"Try not to think of Jude too much, hon'. You can see your friends on Friday; Erin? Sam?"  
"Sam's going on a date with _some girl."_  
"Well you don't sound too happy about that."  
"It's just..." He sighs again.  
"He has some girl all over him, and here I am with a boyfriend two cities away that I can't even get around to _seeing_."  
"So it's the _relationship_ you're jealous of." She concludes.  
"Yeah. And there's just something that seems so...Fake about her. He's too good for her."   
"Have you ever even talked to her?"   
"No...And you know another thing; he's probably gonna be spending all his time with her, and-"  
"Connor. Connor. You _need_ to relax. Things are gonna be okay. You're gonna see Jude again, you're _gonna_ see Sam again; it's all gonna be okay." She tries convincing him.  
"I feel like Jude's forgetting about me, somehow. I don't want Sammy to forget about me too. And all because of some girl."  
"Ever think that he feels the same way about Jude? That you give him more attention?"  
"Well for one, I've talked to Sam more than all the times I've talked to Jude since I've gotten here combined, so, no.   
She doesn't know what to say to that.   
"Connor, do you think that it's a possibility that you you lean on Sam so much, because Jude's not here with you?"  
"Why would you say that? No. Of course not. Even if Jude _wasn't_ in my life, Sam would still be important to me. Which he is."   
"Don't get mad at me for asking this, alright? But if you weren't dating Jude...Do you think you would be dating Sam?"  
"Sam doesn't like me, Mom. Jude is the only person I can see myself being with right now, anyway." He doesn't get too mad like she expected.  
"Honey, you're so young. I'm glad that you and Jude are so committed to each other, and are even _doing_ long distance. But you have your whole life ahead of you. I'm not saying that Jude isn't good for you, but,-"  
"But...I just-I know things are never going to be _perfect_ , but...I don't think I could ever picture my life without him. I wanna be with him for as long as I can."  
"I know that, baby. But think of it this way: would you rather be in a relationship that made you unhappy, or end that relationship and be happy?"  
•••  
February 26th:  
Sam invited Connor over, just before his date with Kaylee, so he could help relieve him of his worry.  
"He's upstairs. Nice seeing you, Connor." Dylan speaks to him downstairs, motioning him to the staircase. "Thanks, you too" he smiles to him, before heading upstairs.  
He remembers where Sam's closed bedroom is, knocking on the door before entering.  
He didn't picture Sam wearing a suit, but neither is he complaining.  
"Hey..." Sam smiles to him, smiling kindly.  
He can't help but notice that his hair is slicked back, also.  
"Hey..." Connor can feel his pupils expanding.  
"Um, do I look alright...?" Sam awkwardly scratches the back of his neck.  
"You look great." Connor insists.   
"Thank you..." Sam's surprised by how strong Connor feels about his opinion. He raises his eyebrows, chuckling.  
Connor tries not to smile at him for so long.  
"So, this is somethin' real fancy, huh?"   
"Yeah" Sam laughs. "I just, wanted to dress nice, so..."   
"Well you look nice." Connor compliments him again."  
"Thank you..." Sam sounds just as flattered as he did the last time.   
"What time are you meeting her?"   
"A few minutes." Sam looks over at his alarm clock. "You should get going..." Connor speaks hesitantly, not wanting him to leave. Sam smiles at him again. "Thank you for stopping by. That was really nice."  
"No problem. Um, are you planning to kiss her?" He has no idea why he asked that.  
Sam blushes. "I dunno. But, I'll let you know if I do."   
Connor chuckles bitterly. "I gotta get going." Sam looks at his clock again. Connor roughly bites the right inside of his cheek.  
They walk downstairs together, Dylan taking notice. "Good luck Sammy. Slip 'er the tongue."  
"Shut up" is all Sam snaps to him, before turning to Connor, who's snickering.  
"Bye Con'. Thanks again."  
"Yeah yeah, of course. Good luck, Sammy..." He tries to keep his tone positive.  
Sam flashes one last smile, before exiting the house.   
Both Connor and Dylan awkwardly look around the home, not knowing what to say. "Um, do you want a ride home?" He offers.  
"Sure...Thanks." Connor notices an old picture of Sam on the table near him. He looks to be about ten or so, standing in the snow with a huge grin on his face.  
"How old was he in that?" He points to the picture frame.  
Dylan sees what he's talking about.   
"He had turned ten that August. That day was fun. We went sledding."  
"He was always cute." Connor can't help but let the whisper leave his mouth, blushing at the words he just said aloud.  
This gets Dylan's attention. Connor blushes when harder, feeling Dylan's shocked eyes on him.  
"What'd you say?"  
"Nothing..."  
Dylan squints. "What...?" Connor asks, voice cracking like it usually does when he's under pressure.  
"Nothing, just...You want me to drive you home?"  
"Yeah, that'd be nice, thank you..."  
•••  
On the way back to Connor's house, he hasn't spoken to Dylan in over five minutes.  
Dylan notices the vulnerable and embarrassed look on his face, thinking that he might cry.  
"You alright?"  
"Yeah...I'm fine." Connor answers, just as Dylan pulls up to the front of the house.  
"Thanks again..." Connor opens his door, stepping out of the car.  
"Connor?"  
"Yeah?" He looks back at Dylan.  
"Thank you...For being Sam's friend. He really needs a friend, someone to trust right now. And I know he trusts you."   
Connor grins, blinking back happy tears.  
"I wouldn't want to be anything else."  
But that, he's not so sure of.   
Dylan bites his bottom lip in awkwardness. "Between you and me, I don't like the girl either. Seems kinda like a ho."  
Connor can't help but laugh, and Dylan does the same.  
"Have a good night, Connor."  
"You too." He smiles once more, before closing the door and running into the home.  
"Where were you?" Adam asks, seeing him run past him in the living room.  
Ignoring him, Connor runs up to his room and slams the door.  
Landing in his bed, he lets the tears fall. He doesn't know how much more confusion, loneliness, and stress, he can take.   
For comfort, he texts Jude.   
You there? I just really need someone to talk to right now. I miss you.  
His eyes light up, seeing that Jude's already texting him back.  
Those lights go out, seeing the bubble disappear.  
He waits for it to re-appear. With each second that passes, the harder Connor's forehead vein pops with anger.  
Impatient and frustrated, he throws his phone across the room with an angry shriek.

 

 


	11. It Happened That Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night of the dance comes around. It's a night that Connor would like to remember, but by the end it's only one he wants to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)

Chapter Eleven: It Happened That Night:  
March 5th:  
"What on _earth_ did you do to your hair, Connor Stevens?" Erin asks, when he enters her household. "I got a haircut. Problem?" He smiles, poking her shoulder.   
"It's just really...Short." She observes, as he enters her home. "Well it's _always_ been short!" He defends in a smile, watching her close the door.   
"Hi Connor. How are you?" Mr. Andersen asks, crossing his arms and walking towards him.  
"I'm good, thank you."  
"Still gay?"  
"Yes sir I am still very very gay."  
"You better be."  
"We're just gonna be upstairs waiting for Sam. Let us know when he's here..." Erin's creeped out by their dialogue, she and Connor beginning to walk upstairs.   
"In fact, I have some amazing news" he smiles to her, the two of them entering her room. "What is it?" She smiles, closing the door.  
"Jude's coming down Monday morning. I'm gonna be able to take him to dance."   
"Oh my gosh, really?! _Finally_!" Erin smiles, sounding more excited than Connor is.  
"How long will he be staying after that?"  
"He'll be leaving Tuesday night. We have permission to miss school."  
"That's so good! Can we meet him?!" She grins.  
"As long as you promise not to embarrass me" he teases.  
" _What? Nooo_. We would _never_ -" she hits his shoulder, and they laugh. "I'm serious." He smiles.  
"Guys, Sam's here!" They hear her father call up.  
Connor smiles.   
"Hey" Sam greets, after he opens, after he opens the door. His smile his weak, and the bags under his eyes are noticeable; hair slightly messy. "You okay?" Erin asks, studying his appearance.  
"Yeah...I'm cool." He notices Connor's new hairstyle.   
"You get a haircut?"  
"Yeah."  
"You look good..." He can't help but complement.  
"Thanks..." Connor can tell by the look in his eyes that Sam's still not okay.   
He watches him sit down on Erin's bed, uncomfortably staring into space.  
"What's wrong?" Connor sits down next to him.  
"Uh..." Sam's clearly pained by talking about the subject.   
"I just had a rough morning..."  
Erin's eyes now show devastation.  
"Sammy I'm sorry..." She walks over to him, resting her hand on his shoulder.  
"I feel like it's getting worse..." Sam admits.  
"What-the illness?" Connor asks.  
"Yeah..."  
"Well what can you guys do to prevent it?" He asks. "Therapy. Meds. My first appointment is this Tuesday."  
"What about meds?" Erin asks.  
"It's gonna take a while...I have to get tested first. My Dad's still looking for an appointment for it. The results shouldn't get back to us for a few weeks. Then an appointment with my Doctor to figure what meds I should go on, and to get them prescribed, and God knows how long until the meds actually work..."  
"Why does it take so _long_?" Connor can't help but raise his voice, making Sam flinch.  
"Sorry..." He speaks quietly.  
"It's alright..."  
"Does Kaylee know?" Erin asks. "I told her what I have. And what can trigger me. Not about what happened though."  
He stands up, nervously pacing around the room. "Does she even know your mother's passed?" Connor chooses his words carefully. Sam stops walking and looks at him.  
"No..."  
"Sam, you gotta tell her." Erin advises.  
"I just don't want her to...Think I'm weird..." He lets tears fall down his face.   
"I'm already weird enough..."  
This makes Connor's stomach drop. "You're not weird, Sam..."  
He walks over to him, letting him lean on his shoulder. Erin gets him some tissues off of the box on her dresser.  
"Thanks..." He sniffles, cleaning his face and taking his cheek off of Connor's shoulder.   
"It's not that she's not nice. She is...I'll tell her before the dance. I'd like to go with her."  
"Well she'll oughta say yes" Erin smiles.  
"Oh. Connor. Tell him the good news." She motivates.  
Sam looks at him. "Jude's coming down on Monday. I'm gonna be able to take him." He doesn't want to beam too much, knowing Sam's upset.   
"Really? That's great; you deserve to finally get to see him." Sam smiles at him, eyes slowly lighting up.  
Connor smiles back. "Thanks..."  
He turns to Erin. "So, what about you? Do you wanna go with anyone?"  
"Eh, I don't really care. Lisa from my Math class keeps saying Jeremy Herrington's gonna ask me, but, I dunno."  
"You should say yes!" Sam smiles, making her giggle.  
"Maybe. We'll see. But what I do know is, is that you guys are gonna have a great night."  
Connor sure hopes so.  
•••  
March 6th:  
The next day, the teens decide to meet up at Sam's house.  
Sam knows that Connor doesn't like playing any first person shooter games, and neither does Erin, so they play Mario Kart.  
"What are you guys, ten?" Dylan teases, seeing what they're playing on he and Sam's TV.  
Sam pauses the game. "Go away." He tells him.  
"It's my room too." He jogs over and sits down next to them. "Can I get something to drink?" Erin asks, looking at Sam.  
"Yeah..." He turns pale at the mention of the word.  
"Come with me. I'll feel awkward."  
He chuckles, standing up with her. He looks at Connor. "You want anything?"  
"I'm fine, thanks."  
"Thanks so much for the offer" Dylan calls out, as the two exit the room.   
Connor chuckles, looking at Dylan and setting his controller down. "You going to that dance at your school on Monday?" He wonders.  
"Yeah, actually." Connor smiles.  
"I was just asking 'cause Sammy's probably going with that girl he went out with. You gotta date."  
"Yeah. My boyfriend from San Diego is coming down and we're gonna go."   
"That's cool! How long you guys been together?"  
"About a year."  
"When's the last time you've seen each other in person?"  
"A little over a month. I miss him. Probably more than I should." He chuckles.  
Dylan smiles. "I'm glad you're finally get to see him again. I think Sammy's told me about him. What's his name? Jude?" He remembers.  
"Yeah." Connor blushes at the mention of his name.  
Dylan smiles. "So, you guys are gonna to the dance, then.." He flicks his eyebrows.  
"What...?" Connor asks. He scoffs, realizing what he means.  
"I don't know if...That's gonna happen..." He blushes, biting his bottom lip at the thought.  
"Well _would_ you?"  
"I mean, _yeah_ , but I don't know if he'd want to."  
"You never know. He just might."  
"So...What do I do?"  
"Let him know you're open to the opportunity. Then you do _him_."  
"How do I let him know I'd want to...Do that?"  
"Oh, come on. You're telling me, since the time of being separated from each other, you've _never_ sent him anything flirty? Anything _dirty_?"  
Connor blushes. "Not really..." His mouth goes dry.  
"Let him know that you're excited to see him. _If_ you know what I mean." Dylan clarifies, smirking at him.  
Blushing even harder, Connor looks away.   
Erin and Sam finally return, Erin holding a water bottle. "He bugging you?" Sam asks Connor, motioning his head towards Dylan.  
"No. Not at all."  
Dylan gives Connor another sly look.  
•••  
March 7th:  
That morning before school, while Connor happily awaits for Jude's arrival, he also debates back in forth with himself on whether he should send him something seductive or not. Maybe a text that heavily suggests hooking up? But he doesn't want to scare him.  
Maybe a simple picture will do.   
He closes and locks his door, beginning to rub himself until he feels an erection form.  
"Connor?" Jeanette yells out, just as he pulls down his pants. "You ready?!"  
"Hold on...!" He quickly pulls down his boxers, going to the camera app on his phone.  
Snapping a quick picture, he observes it, wondering if he's good enough.  
"Connor!"  
"I'm coming!"  
After he sends the picture, he wonders if Jude could be saying the same.  
Sent.  
Struggling to run while pulling his pants up at the same time, he unlocks and opens his door.  
"Your father landed safely" Jeanette shares, as Connor gets a banana out of the fruit bowl. After giving it a strange look, he decides to put it back.  
"Cool..." He clearly doesn't care.   
He discreetly sees his phone, to see if Jude's replied.  
Read at seven forty two a.m.  
He mindlessly shrugs, locking his phone.  
' _Maybe he's jerking off'._  
But it's when he arrives to school almost twenty minutes later with still no reply, when he begins to worry.  
•••   
Within a matter of seconds of walking down the hallway and trying to clear his thoughts, Sam sees Connor sitting on the bottom step of the staircase that leads to the second floor.  
He becomes concerned, watching him sulk into space, anxiety written all over his face.  
"Connor...?" He walks up to him.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Oh...Hey." Connor's expression softens slightly, when seeing him.  
"Are you okay?"   
"I just...Did something _really_ stupid."  
"What'd you do?" Sam sweats, fearing that it could be something involving alcohol or drugs.  
"I sent him a picture..."  
"What _kind_ of picture...?" Sam doesn't know why he's asking that question, for he can see what direction this is going in.  
"A sexual...Picture." Connor looks as if he might cry.  
"Oh..." Sam still can't help but turn pale.   
"Do you regret doing that?"  
"I think I scared him. He read it, but hasn't said anything back. What if he thinks I'm a pervert, now? What if he doesn't wanna see me?!" Connor panics.   
"Connor, don't worry. You have no idea to why he couldn't have responded. Maybe his Mom saw it or something."   
"That's even _worse_! I-I gotta go..." Connor's sweating frantically now, standing up with slouched posture.  
"Wait!" Sam yells, seeing he's forgotten his cellphone on the same bottom step. But Connor's already in his first class.  
Looking around hesitantly, Sam bites the right inside of his cheek.  
After seeing no one surrounding him, he quickly swipes up Connor's phone.  
He goes into his text conversation with Jude, instantly seeing the certain picture.  
He clears his throat for a period of several seconds, trying to fight off his sexual attraction.  
He feels a sudden bulge in his jeans, roughly biting his bottom lip. His pupils expand.  
"Hey." He hears Kaylee's smiling voice.  
Jumping, he quickly locks the phone screen and turns around to the sight of her.  
"Hey!" He smiles, putting one leg in front of the other.  
"Who's phone is that?" She recognizes that that's not his phone.  
"Oh, um, it's Connor's...Hey, do you wanna go to that dance tonight? I've been really wanting to ask you."  
"Of course. That'd be great." She beams, making his eyes light up.  
Beginning to walk to class together, Sam makes sure to hold her hand on the way.   
•••  
Right before lunch, standing in the hallway with his phone back from Sam, Connor receives the text that is his worst nightmare  
 **Hey. Sorry. Won't be able to make it. My moms are making me celebrate the twins birthday. Maybe next time?**  
He drops the phone onto the floor, just before he lets tears fall out of his eyes and onto his face.  
"What happened?!" Sam demands frantically, running over to him once he sees his tears.   
"Jude's not coming..."  
"What?"  
"He's not _coming_. He says he's gotta celebrate his twin siblings birthday. I scared him with that stupid picture."  
"Connor, don't worry; I'm _sure_ it's not that. His parents are probably just being really strict. He's not freaked out by the picture." Sam tries insisting.  
"You don't _know_ that!" Connor shrieks, crying even harder.  
Sam pushes the unwanted memories to the back of his head, trying to focus on Connor's situation.  
"I'm so sorry, Connor. The date's just gonna have to be pushed forward. That's all. You'll see him again."  
" _When? All_ I've been wanting is to see him."  
"I know. I know, Connor. You have no idea how awful I feel. You don't deserve this. But it's not like you're never gonna see him again. When you _do_ see him again, you'll just cherish the moments even more. It'll be worth it, Connor. I promise."  
His tears of devastation are replaced with tears of happiness. "Thanks for that, Sam...I needed that."  
Sam smiles at him. "And who said you can't have fun tonight? You don't need him to have a good time."  
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Connor considers, gazing into space and shrugging.  
"Maybe you, me and Erin can all go to the dance together. Just make fun of everything." He looks back at him, becoming satisfied with the thought.  
Sam stiffens his posture, instantly feeling majorly guilty about what he has to tell Connor.  
"Um, I kinda already, asked Kaylee...To the dance..."  
"Oh..." Connor tries not to show that he's hurting.  
"Um, I can-"  
" _No_. No. It's fine. You have your night with her." Connor doesn't want Sam to give up an opportunity with a girl he likes, just to make him feel less lonely.  
"Erin's not going with anyone, right? I'm sure we can go and hang out."  
As if on cue, she's now sprinting towards them. "Guys! Guess what! Jeremy Harrington asked me to the dance! Isn't that awesome!" She can't wipe the goofy smile off her face.  
Sam clenches his teeth, awkwardly squeezing his eyes closed.  
Connor starts crying again.  
•••  
Just about an hour after the dance has started later that evening, Connor has realized two things.  
That he can either sit around crying in bed moping about not being able to see Jude, or he just suck it up, and go to the dance.  
Throwing his blanket off of him, he stomps out of bed.   
"You look sharp." Jeanette observes the suit he's wearing, now inside the kitchen.  
"I'm going to the dance."  
"Really? Even without Jude?"  
"Yep. So please drive me. I love you." He gives her a pleading look.  
"You're sure?"  
" _Yes_ , Mom. I _want_ to go."  
"Okay, okay...Get in the car."  
Putting his shoes on with a smile stuck to his face, he runs out the front door.  
Jeanette quietly exhales.  
•••  
What everyone forgot to tell Connor, was that the playlist for the dance is all eighties music. With eyebrows raised, he slowly walks throughout the gymnasium, as Come On Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runner's plays.   
Instead of seeing Sam dancing with Kaylee like he expected, he sees him sitting alone, on one of the many chairs lined against the back wall.   
"Sam?" He speedily walks towards him, getting his attention.  
"Connor? What are you doing here?" He sits up, facial expression highly intrigued.  
"I decided to come."  
"Oh! That's great...!"  
"Uh, where's Kaylee?"  
"I caught her hooking up with Steven Jackson in the janitor's closet..." He glares into space, clenching his fists.  
"What? Why the hell would she do that?"  
"I could think of a few good reasons." Sam speaks glumly, continuing to not look at him.  
"Sam, don't say that..." Connor sits down next to him.  
"You're a great person, Sam." He puts his hand on the top of his, right when the ending a-cappella verse in Come On Eileen, begins playing.  
Sam looks at him. "Thank you, Connor..."  
Smiling at each other through the end of the song, Connor takes his hand away.  
I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston, begins playing.  
This sends Connor to a dark place, thinking of when he and Jude danced to the same song.  
An acoustic slow cover, at least.  
"Um...Do you, wanna dance?" Sam asks.  
Connor looks at him. "Sure. Why the hell not."  
Again, Sam smiles.  
They start dancing right when the vocals begin, the energy between them in the air becoming more visible the longer they dance.  
They grin and laugh at each other, their dance moves not too dorky, but not exactly professional either.  
For the first time in a long time, they both feel free. Not caring if anyone's watching, _hoping_ people are watching, they can't help but dance closer to each other.  
They forget about all of the unimportant things, all the tragic things.  
It's the kind of joy you experience only once in a while, in your lifetime.  
Erin, who's supposed to be with her date, watches them from afar; eyes widened and arms crossed.  
"Um, do you wanna dance?" Her date asks, standing behind her.  
Keeping her eyes on the two of them, she shushes him, holding a finger up.   
As the song slowly fades out, they still their sweaty, sore bodies, and smile at each other with panting breaths.  
In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins, begins playing.  
They awkwardly look around the room, seeing many couples-that don't include Erin and Jeremy-wrapping their arms around each other and beginning to sway to the music.  
Including Kaylee and her 'date'.  
Connor notices the hurt, angry look on Sam's face.  
"Uh, do you wanna dance?" He comes up with an idea. "Just to make her jealous."  
At first, the look Sam gives him is confused, shocked, even. But then he understands, muscles slowly relaxing.  
"Yeah. Sure."  
Connor puts one hand on Sam's right hip, another on his left shoulder, and vise versa when the first lyric is heard.  
This isn't helping Erin's distractions.  
"Do you wanna dance-?"  
"Why don't you go get me some punch?"  
Jeremy takes the hint.  
Connor lets Sam lean on shoulder, the two of them slowly swaying to the music.  
What is he doing? Is this not right? It doesn't even mean anything. Jude's the one who can't come.  
God forbid Connor gets revenge on Jude, for something so simple. Right?  
He forces himself to continue dancing, for a few more minutes.  
He finally decides that enough is enough. He takes his hands off of Sam.  
"I can't do this." He looks at him.  
"What? Connor, I...I'm not trying to-" Sam doesn't want him to give him the wrong idea.  
"I know, but...I'm sorry."  
Right at the famous drum solo, he sprints out into the hallway.  
"Connor! Wait!" Sam follows him,  
Concerned, Erin decides to join them.  
"Connor. What's wrong?" Sam continues trying to pry, now standing alone in the hallway with him.  
"I can't be here right now. I have to talk to Jude. I'm sorry, Sam..." Connor explains, right when Erin shows up.  
Before Sam can say anything else, Connor takes off. He knows there's no use in trying to stop him.  
Giving a helpless look to Erin, he silently cries, tears going down his face.  
Sitting down on the floor, the tears continue.  
And Erin can only comfort him.  
•••  
While sprinting his way back home in the dark, Connor can barely comprehend the pain he feels, when tripping over his own two feet and skidding across the pavement.  
Now crying, himself, he knows it's not just the physical pain that's causing the tears.  
•••  
He returns home, and his mother isn't there.   
"I wish you could've been there" he smiles to Jude, who he's Skyping on his laptop that's in his lap, sitting on his bed.  
"Yeah..." Jude's smile is weak.   
"You alright...?" Connor asks, seeing the uneasy look on his face.  
"Yeah, it's just; I really miss you."  
"I miss you too...It sucks that you couldn't have came down here. Was really looking forward to it."  
"Yeah..."  
"Guess stuff's just been getting in the way..." Connor doesn't know what else to say.  
"You know, you didn't have to sign up for football, or anything. It could've given us a lot of time to see each other."  
This makes Connor frown.   
"It's just one sport...Not a lot of practices." He tries not to sound insulted.  
"I know, but...Sometimes I wish you didn't even move there in the first place. I mean, is your Dad _really_ that bad?"  
"You're the one that convinced me to move down here...You wanted me happy...I'm happy. I'd be even happier with you here. And about my Dad, he's just...Not gonna change."   
Jude waits in thought, before speaking.   
"I know..."  
"What's wrong?"  
"It's just-" he makes eye contact with him.  
"You didn't have to send me that picture..."  
He finally brings it up. Connor feels sick to his stomach. "I'm sorry about that, okay? I-I thought you'd like it...You're my boyfriend, ya know?"  
"Ever think that the reason we got together in the first place, was because we were the only two gay guys in our grade?"  
"No, we got together because we liked each other. Why, do _you_ think that? We were friends first..." Connor's voice quivers with emotion.  
"That's the thing...You don't really feel like my friend anymore..."  
"Well what are you saying Jude-do you want to break up?" He asks the question in a panic, refusing to believe that any of this is happening.  
"Do _you_?"  
"No, of course not. I love you...Jude?" He's noticed that he hasn't been speaking, avoiding eye contact.  
He looks at him. "I think we should..."  
"Why?" Connor's voice finally breaks.   
"I just...Don't really see a point in all this anymore...I don't see a point in us."  
"Us...?"  
Jude can't look at him when he says his next set of words.  
"Goodbye, Connor..."  
"I _love_ you..." Is all Connor can say to him, trying to convince him of so.  
In response, without any eye contact, Jude ends the call.  
It all hits Connor slowly, one by one. Never able to talk to Jude again. Never seeing him again. Jude not _loving_ him anymore, like he once did.  
Connor cries the hardest he ever has before. He yells, he screams and shouts.   
Everything is blurry. Everything is overheated.  
Everything is broken.  
•••  
"Sam. Don't worry. It's okay." Erin whispers to him, who's still crying. She sits down next to him. "He knows you're not trying to take him away from Jude...He's not mad; I _promise_ you."  
"I like him..."  
"What...?" Erin doesn't know why she sounds so shocked, but it's how her tone is spoken.  
" _I like Connor..."_ Sam still can't look at her.  
Heart pounding and mouth gone dry, Erin speaks words she thinks should need to be said.  
"I know..."  
They both receive a text from him, in the group chat.  
 **Help me.**  
"We gotta go." Erin tells Sam. But he doesn't move.  
"Sam! Come on! Let's _go!"_  
She scares him into obedience.  
So they run. All the way to his house, without looking back.  
They don't even bother to knock on the door, barging right into the home.  
" _Connor_?!" Erin yells, realizing he's home alone. " _Connor_!" Sam repeats.  
They run upstairs, leaving the front door open.  
Repeatedly yelling his name, they enter his bedroom to see items thrown everywhere, and moist crumpled tissues sitting on the floor.  
"Oh my God..." Erin speaks gently, knowing exactly what's going on.  
They find him hiding in his closet, face moist, sticky and red. He's hugging his knees, giving both of them dark, bleak looks.  
"Connor..." Sam whispers, he and Erin both staring at him with looks of shock.  
More tears exit Connor's eyes, knowing he has to say what he would never imagine himself saying.  
"It's over..."

 


	12. Nothing You Can't Handle:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin and Sam try cheering up Connor with ice cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Comments appreciated.

Chapter Twelve: Nothing You Can't Handle:  
After Connor says those two words, to Erin and Sam, they know their worst fears have been confirmed.  
"Connor..." Sam can only say his name, sitting down next to him. "What exactly happened...?"  
"He-he said I-I don't r-really fe-el like his friend anym-more and th-at he d-doesn't see a point in us, anymore..." He's barely understandable, but loud enough to be heard.  
"What? That's crazy. He can't just _give_ _up_." Erin frowns, seeing the ridiculousness in Jude's logic.  
"Well he did..."  
"He's not worth it, Connor. You don't deserve someone who's just gonna give up on you like that." Sam attempts a pep talk.   
"Why would he give up on me, though?! What did I _do_?!" Connor yells.  
"You did _nothing_ wrong, Connor. It's not you. It's him." Erin insists.  
"Why doesn't he love me anymore?! What's wrong with me?!" Connor continues trying to get to the bottom of Jude's motive.  
"Connor, it's not you." Sam speaks quietly but surely. He has no problem with putting his arm around him, leading Connor to bury his face into his shoulder and sob.  
"It's okay...We're here..." Sam promises shyly, tears now going down his face as well.  
Erin doesn't know what to do, or if to even move, as she wipes tears away her own eyes.  
It's not long before Jeanette returns home.   
"What's wrong?! What happened?" She asks as she stands in the empty doorway, never seeing her son in this kind of emotional state.   
Connor looks at her, trying to explain in his own words, but the only thing that comes out is sobbing gibberish.  
"Jude broke up with him..." Erin reveals quietly, with shy eyes.   
Jeanette's mouth turns dry. She wish she could tell herself that she's surprised.   
"Baby, c'mere."  
She takes him in his arms, letting him sob and shriek into her shoulder and neck.   
Now standing next to each other, Erin and Sam can only watch in despair.   
Her phone buzzes, and Connor lurches away from his mother, desperately looking around the room.  
"It's my phone..." Says Erin, taking it out of her pocket and holding it up.  
Connor only cries harder, annoyed at himself for getting his hopes up.  
"Shoot. I forgot to tell my Dad I left the dance. He wants me home." She announces, staring at the screen.  
"Want me to give you a ride home?" Jeanette offers. "Sure..."   
This makes Connor cry quietly, at the thought of Jeanette leaving him when he needs her the most.  
"I can stay with him. My brother can pick me up after you get back." Sam offers.  
They all look at Connor, who nods in approval.   
"Okay. I'll be right back. Love you sweetie." Jeanette assures him.  
"Love you..." His voice cracks and breaks at the same time, eyes staring down at the floor.  
"Bye Connor. I'll see you tomorrow. Text me whenever you need to." Erin gives him a long, tight squeeze. He smells her hair, trying not to let snot drip into it.  
"Thank you _so_ much Sam." Jeanette looks at him, and he nods.  
Hearing them leave through the front door downstairs, has Connor resume to cry . "It's okay I'm here-"   
Connor interrupts Sam by hugging him hard.  
Sam pats his back, feeling Connor's face nuzzled into his shoulder.  
"It's going to be okay...I got you...I got you, Connor."  
He breaks away from the hug, figuring, "I should probably get out of this suit..."  
"Yeah..." Sam blushes.   
Connor gets a quick change of clothes, throwing them onto the floor.  
Sam slowly tenses up, seeing him take off his suit right in front of him.  
He puts one leg in front of the other, seeing Connor in just his boxers.  
When Connor puts his shorts on, Sam can't help but gaze at his abs.  
He quietly inhales, watching Connor put on a light green t-shirt. He jumps into his bed, humming tiredly and hugging himself.  
"Is there anything I can get you...?" Sam asks, sitting on the edge of the bed.  
"Can you lay here with me?"  
Sam sweats like hell, at his question. "Yeah. Of course."  
He curls up next to him, the two of them warming each other with the heat between them.  
"Thanks for dancing with me tonight..." Connor mutters, facing away from him.  
"Of course..."   
Sam could easily cuddle, or even kiss him right now. But he knows Connor's vulnerable, and he doesn't want to take advantage of him.  
Except it's Connor who does the cuddling. Sam almost loses his breath, feeling Connor's arms wrap around him, face burying into his back.  
He feels him fall asleep within a matter of minutes.  
Sam untangles himself from him, turning around and passionately looking at his face.  
For now, he actually looks peaceful. Like he's having good dreams.  
Sam's glad Connor's asleep, so that he can just get away from everything for a little while.  
For the next few minutes, he moves his face into Connor's stomach, calmly resting his eyes.  
He sits up again, resuming to gaze at his face.  
"You don't deserve this..." He whispers, holding onto his hand.  
"You deserve so much better, Connor..."  
Right after he softly kisses his forehead, he hears the downstairs front door open and close.  
He waits for Jeanette to slowly make her way up the staircase, and back into the room.  
"Hey..." Sam whispers, getting out of the bed and facing her. "He fell asleep."   
"Thank you _so_ much for staying with him" she thanks him profoundly, watching him walk up to her.  
"You're such a sweet kid, Sam."  
"Thank you, ma'am....Um, I should call my brother and ask him to pick me up. I can wait on the porch..."   
"Oh, yes, okay. Let me walk you out..."  
"Thank you." He doesn't see why not.  
They walk out of the room, Jeanette quietly closing the door behind her.  
An only half asleep Connor, slowly opens his eyes.  
•••  
March 8th:  
Until four in the morning, Connor either sleeps, cries, tries falling back asleep, or eats while binge watching Dance Moms 'cause it makes him feel slightly better about his life. But it still can't heal his broken heart. No matter how many times Abby Lee Miller yells at her students.  
Knowing he barely got any sleep, Jeanette takes off from work and decides to stay home with him.  
Sam and Erin figured he wouldn't be at school.  
"So...What are you gonna do about Kaylee...?" She asks him, walking down the hallway just before lunch starts.  
"Oh. I caught her hooking up with some guy in the janitor's closet. So that case is closed."  
"You _what_?!"  
Her reaction has him freeze, coldly staring into space. "Shit. Sam I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I just really want to kill that bitch." She lightly rests her hands on his shoulders.  
"It's okay. I mean, it's not like I liked her as much as I like...You know..."  
Erin bites her bottom lip, nodding.  
"Have you talked to him?"   
He slowly shakes his head. "We should surprise him!" She chirps. "You know, comfort him. Get him something."  
"Like what?"  
Smiling mischievously, she gets an idea.  
During their lunch period, they run all the way to the nearest gas station, with Erin's lunch money in tow.  
They make a beeline for the ice cream section.  
"What does he like?" Sam asks, observing all the different Ben & Jerry flavors in the see through freezers.  
"I don't know. Let's just get one of everything."  
When she gets a flavor that includes peanuts, he asks her, "But what if he has a peanut allergy?"  
"Then he won't eat it, idiot. C'mon."  
"You sure you should be using your lunch money?"  
"Well this might as well be our lunch."  
The cashier stares at them awkwardly, while scanning twelve pints of ice cream containers.  
"That'll be twenty three, eighty eight..."   
"Thank you."  
They're walking towards the exit of the store after paying the money, when Sam comes to a complete stop.  
"What is it?" She asks, before seeing what he's staring so intensely at.  
The twelve packs of beer cans, inside the freezers.  
"Shit..." She whispers.  
An incoherent sound of pain, is muttered from him.  
"Sam, come on...Let's go..." She takes his wrist.   
Hyperventilating, he demands, "Get me out of here; get me out of here; now!"  
As strongly as she can, she drags him out of the store, the bell jingling as the door closes behind them.  
"It's okay. You're not gonna see them anymore, okay?" She asks, watching him sink to the ground and cry.  
"Okay? You want some ice cream?" She persuades.   
Stopping his tears, he looks over at her.  
"Yes..."  
From there, they run all the way to Connor's house; laughing and smiling at each other as the wind blows through their hair, bags shaking in their hands.  
•••  
"Kids...! I didn't expect to see you here..." Jeanette speaks uncomfortably, awkwardly observing the two of them standing on her porch.   
"Where's Connor?" Sam asks.  
"He's upstairs, still asleep. Would-"  
"Do you have any spoons?"   
Erin glares at Sam. "Of course she does, idiot." She grunts.  
He gives her a good scowl back.   
"Go right ahead..."  
Jeanette knows they're not going to give up until they see them.  
Knowing they've won, grins cross their faces.  
•••  
After barging into his room, Sam now holding three large spoons, the two of them see that Connor's still asleep.  
"Connor. Wake up." Sam pokes him with a spoon.  
He mutters, turning around and sitting up.  
"What are you guys doing here...?" He asks, still sounding exhausted.  
"We're here to cheer you up." Erin announces.  
This makes Connor laugh silently.  
"You guys didn't have to come here...But thank you...I look like shit."  
"No you _don't_." Sam demands with intensity in his tone. Connor smiles at him.  
"We got you ice cream" Erin smiles, holding up her bags. "Let's eat it before it melts."  
Though he has no appetite, Connor shoves down half a pint of phish food anyway.  
"Geez, Sam, you're gonna puke" Erin tells him, after seeing that he's already eaten more than half of his chocolate chip cookie dough pint.  
Connor laughs. "My Dad doesn't let me have much sugar at home" Sam states, doing tiny dance moves with a goofy grin on his face.  
"We wonder why." Connor teases, making him guffaw.  
Connor smiles, glad to see him happy again. "So Sam are you doing okay with what's been going on?" He asks him.  
"Yeah." Sam begins hoping up and down. "I had an anxiety attack when I saw a pack of beer. But I'm okay now." He stops jumping.  
"Good..." Connor tries not to snicker at his hyperactivity.   
For the next hour, the three of them eat ice cream and playfully make fun of each other.   
Connor lets Sam lie down next to him.  
"Wanna try this?" Sam offers him a bite of his peanut butter cup ice cream.   
"Sure" Connor smiles, taking the spoon and eating a bite. "Mm" he says, swallowing it. "That's good."   
"See Sam? He doesn't have a peanut allergy" Erin smiles, making them all laugh.   
•••  
When the time comes, Sam and Erin have to get back to school. They're glad that Connor hasn't gotten emotional about the incident, yet, but they also want him to be able to open up.  
"Thank you guys...Seriously."   
"Of course. Keep the ice cream." Erin says, making him giggle. "Thanks. I'll pay you back."  
"No. Don't. Seriously."  
"We'll drop off your homework later" Sam teases, standing before the edge of the bed with her.  
"No, it's fine, thanks..."   
They laugh again.  
"Bye Connor." Erin walks over next to him. He sits up, giving her another tight squeeze.  
His hug with Sam lasts just a bit longer.  
Though Connor now has ten pints of ice cream in his freezer, he can't help but cry after his friends are gone.  
•••  
On the way back, Sam notices Erin giving him questionable looks.   
"What?" He asks, beginning to worry that she's mad at her.   
"Nothing."  
"Okay..."  
"It's just-"  
" _There_ it is."  
"I just don't think you should make your feelings for Connor so obvious, right now."  
" _Am_ I making them obvious...?"  
"Maybe not to him. All I'm saying is I want you to give him time to get over Jude. _Then_ you can make your move." She smirks at him.  
"Even when he does get over him, he'll never fall for me. Some new guy will come along..." He denies the possibility, sulking into space.  
"Want my opinion?" She asks, making him look back at her. He presses his lips together.   
"I think he's already fallen for you, except he doesn't realize it yet..."  
Her words make Sam stop walking.  
Bewildered, he stares at her with squinted eyes and a dropped mouth.  
"You're funny, Erin Andersen."  
"It's funny because it's true."  
•••  
Later that night, sitting on the floor of his room, Connor struggles with the Math homework that Erin had dropped off for him,   
Quietly groaning, he smacks his pencil on top of his blank paged notebook.  
In that moment, his phone vibrates.   
He wants to think that it's Jude. But of course, it's only Erin.  
 **You guys there?** She texts him and Sam, in their group chat.  
 **Yeah. I'm here.** Connor texts back.  
 **What's up? You doing alright?** Is her response.  
 **Hanging in there. Struggling with my Math homework.** He answers.   
Sam joins in on the conversation.  
 **My brother can tutor you, if you need help.**  
Shrugging, Connor replies: **that'd be cool, I can talk to my mom about it.  
Sounds cool :) **Sam sends.  
Connor smiles, sending back a simple, single smiley face.  
He'd be handling this break up much worse than he already is, if he didn't have them as friends.   
•••  
March 9th:  
Sam beams, seeing Connor jog down the hallway towards him and Erin.  
"Hey!" He smiles, stopping in front of them. "Hey! You're back!" Erin returns a smile.  
"Yeah. I'm glad to be back." He admits, looking forward to football practice later on in the day so he can take his mind off of everything.  
"Connor Stevens!" A female voice booms, making Sam jump and gasp. Erin lightly touches his wrist in comfort.  
Clacking high heels storm towards him, that happen to belong to Samantha Christiansen. The girl who gave him her phone number, that he never called.  
She slaps him straight across the face, pain stinging his right cheek.  
Sam and Erin gawk, their mouths dropping open in shock.  
Students around them loudly 'ohhh', and laugh.  
" _That's_ for never calling me. Fuckboy." Samantha insults.  
" _You_ hit on _me_!"  
" _Whatever_."  
Feeling that she's done her job, she storms away.  
Erin and Sam may have no idea what to say, but Connor sure does. "Looks like I spoke too soon..."  
•••  
Jeanette drives Connor to Sam's house, after picking him up from his football practice.  
"I _told_ you she was a ho." Dylan rants to the two of them in he and Sam's room, talking about Kaylee cheating on Sam.  
"I hope she gets her period in public."  
" _Dylan_!" Sam scolds, sitting down on his own bed.  
"I'm just saying...! I'm sorry Sammy."  
"It's fine. We weren't too serious, anyway."  
This makes Connor looks at him in surprise.  
He sits down next to him.   
"Anyways, I hear you're not the only one that's having relationship issues." Dylan looks at Connor, making him sit up and blush.  
"Dylan! He doesn't want to talk about it!" Sam angrily grunts, making Connor clear his throat as the blood drains from his face.  
"Oh. Right. Sorry." Dylan holds his palms in the air.   
"Leave, Dylan."  
"Fine."  
"Oh. Wait. Before you leave, Sam suggested that you could tutor me. If you have any openings. I'm struggling with Math." Connor explains to him.  
"I could squeeze you in. I don't charge much."   
"Cool. Thanks." Connor smiles at him.  
"You two ladies have fun." Dylan says, before leaving. Connor chuckles, watching Sam roll his eyes.  
"Um, I'm sorry he bought that up..." Sam speaks to him.  
"It's fine..." Connor breaks eye contact, slowly standing up.  
"Have you tried talking to him...?" Sam dares asking.  
"No..." Connor holds back tears, staring at the wall. "Just-" he groans, looking back at Sam.  
"I'm so _stupid_. I can't believe I sent that _damn_ picture." He starts criticizing himself.  
"Connor, don't say that. The picture wasn't that bad-" Sam stops himself from speaking, after realizing what the hell he's saying.  
Connor cringes, yet can't help but blush at the same time.  
"What...?"   
"I-I meant that I doubt the picture is that bad-" Sam tries to cover up, but Connor interrupts him.  
"What the _hell_ , Sam?!"  
"Just let me explain-!" Sam stands up, holding his right palm forward.  
"No, Sam! That's-that's an _invasion_ of my _privacy_! You're a _pervert_!"  
This sends tears into his eyes. "Connor I'm sorry...I-I shouldn't have-"  
"I gotta go." Connor stomps his way towards the exit of the room.  
"Connor wait! _Please_! Just let me explain-!" Sam yells out, hearing him run down the staircase.  
The next thing he hears is Connor slamming the front door behind him.


	13. The Pros And Cons Of Feelings:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam struggles with his feelings, like usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3

Chapter Thirteen: The Pros And Cons Of Feelings:  
March 10th:  
This is Dylan's third attempt at getting Sam out of bed.  
"Sam, come on. We gotta go."   
Sam's first instinct is to throw a pillow at him.   
"Are you depressed or something? 'Cause unless you can't function then you have to go." Dylan instructs him.  
Sam groans, resting his head onto another pillow.   
"I'm just..."  
"Not feeling it?"  
"I'm grieving. I'm tired. I'm angry. I hate myself." He sums up his emotions.  
"Do _not_ hate yourself, Sammy. You're just getting insecure. Please get up. You'll get to see Erin. And Connor...!" Dylan tries motivating.  
This makes Sam begin to cry. "What's wrong?" Dylan asks, tone turning sour.   
"I'm so stupid..." Sam starts.   
"No you're not. What are you talking about?"  
"We got in a fight...I did something really stupid..." He looks up at him, reaching for and putting on his glasses.  
"What'd you do...?"  
"He sent a...Sexual picture, to Jude. Before they broke up...And I looked at it."  
Dylan's eyebrows raise, never expecting for his brother to do something so risqué.  
"Like, without his permission...?"  
Sam can only nod, ashamed at himself.  
"What was the picture...?" Dylan asks, though he has a feeling he already knows.  
"Of...Ya know." Sam doesn't want to go into detail.  
"Sam, there's a _million_ dicks online, yet you went for Connor's?"  
" _Excuse me?_ I-I didn't exactly know what the picture was...I just wanted to see."  
"Well, do you think you're...Curious?"  
"What?" Sam finally stands up.   
"Like, do you think you might wanna experiment with guys?" Dylan wonders, making Sam turn beat red.  
" _I...I don't know!_ " He angrily claims, though he already knows that the answer is a big fat yes.  
"Just-don't talk to me." He orders irritably, stomping into their bathroom and slamming the door behind him.  
After hearing the door lock, Dylan sighs dramatically.   
He knows exactly what's going on.  
•••  
"Hey..." Connor awkwardly approaches Erin at school. "Hey." She turns towards him, standing up straight and crossing her arms.  
"Have you seen Sam? I want to talk to him..."   
"You mean the pervert? Nope. Haven't seen him." Her eyebrows raise.  
"He told you what happened, didn't you..."  
"Yeah. And while I do believe what he did was wrong, you shouldn't have snapped at him like that."  
"I know. I'm sorry."  
"Don't apologize to _me_ , Connor."   
He gulps.   
"I still don't know why he would do that...Has he like, said anything about me?" Connor can't help but think of one certain possibility.  
"What are you getting at?" Erin wants to here him say it.  
"Nothing. Never mind..." Connor looks away, holding back a sigh.   
"How are you dealing with Jude?" Erin asks.  
Just hearing his name makes him cry.  
"Aw, Connor I'm sorry. We can go down to the gas station and get more ice cream..." She suggests.  
"Ice cream isn't going to heal my heart." He says, rushing away. He speeds down the hallway, planning to exit the building to get some fresh air. Just after wiping his tears, he bumps into no one other than Sam.  
"Hey..." Both stop walking at once.  
"Hi...Um, are you okay?" Sam notices his tears. "Yeah...I'm fine. Listen, Sam. I am so sorry about yesterday. You're not a pervert. You just wanted to see what the picture was."  
"It's okay. Thank you. I should've just minded my own business."  
"I'm really sorry. I guess I'm just, going through a lot. But I know you are too...Are you doing alright?"  
"Kinda. I have good news, though. I'm getting tested in sixteen days."  
"Really? That's great!" Connor smiles.  
"Yeah. I just...Really wanna get this over with."  
"You'll get through it, Sammy."   
They smile at each other. "So, we're cool?" Connor asks with hope in his tone.  
"Yeah." Sam smiles. "We're cool."   
They give each other a quick high five, before walking back over to Erin.  
•••  
At lunch, the three decide to sit at an empty table in front of the window, together.   
"Hey, um, what happened to your date to the dance?" Connor questions to Erin.  
"Oh, uh, I had different...Priorities...He's not my type..." She doesn't want to tell them that she ignored Jeremy half the night, just to eavesdrop on them.  
Surprise of all surprises, Kaylee walks up to their table.  
In shock, Sam blushes. He expects her to beg for forgiveness. To come crawling back to him.  
After making hasty eye contact with Sam, she looks at Connor.   
"Hey Connor."  
Sam and Erin both cringe.  
"Um...Hey..." He doesn't exactly know how to respond to her.  
"We should hang out sometime."  
Looking him directly in the eyes, she smirks at him, before walking back to her own table.   
Blood pumping with rage, Sam looks away with bleak eyes. "That _slut_!" Erin shrieks, stabbing her fork into her salad.  
Sam practically jumps out of his chair at her raised voice.  
"Sam I'm sorry. I just-"  
"Really want to kill that bitch. I know." He finishes, feeling his skyrocketing heart, before taking a deep breath.  
"Don't worry, Sam. She's a bitch. Acting like you don't even exist anymore." Connor rants.  
"Even if I wasn't gay, I'd still be pissed as hell. Which I am."  
"Thanks Connor." Sam flashes a quick smile at him.  
"I say we T.P her house." Erin declares.  
Connor's eyes widen, thinking of the last time he had experience with that.  
"Um...Let's not..."  
" _Why not?_ " She makes Sam flinch again.  
"Erin, chill. Connor's right. We don't wanna fight fire with fire." Sam agrees.  
"But we won't be fighting with fire. We'll be fighting with toilet paper."  
They stare at her.   
"So, about Jeremy...He's, really not your type? You seemed so excited when he asked you out." Sam changes the subject.  
She scoffs. "Yeah. _Trust_ me. I do _not_ care- _who the hell is that."_ She just happens to notice Jeremy's arm around another girl, in that exact moment.  
The boys look over at them, eyes on the tall, pretty brunette that Jeremy has his arm around.  
"She's cute." Connor comments.  
" _Shut up Connor you're gay."_  
"Well well well; look's like little miss Erin has feelings!" Sam teases, making her scowl at him. He and Connor laugh.  
"You missed your chance, Erin." Connor smiles.  
"Whatever...I don't care." She mutters, before angrily taking a bite out of her salad.  
Sam and Connor give each other a knowledgeable look.  
•••  
March 11th:  
The next day, Connor isn't very talkative. "What's wrong?" Sam asks him in the hallway, though he already knows the answer.  
"He who shall not be named..." Connor mutters, before walking away from him and into his needed classroom.  
"Connor!" Sam yells, though he knows it's no use.   
A locker that slams nearby, makes him jump.   
"Hey Montgomery." Speaks a familiar voice.  
He turns around, to see one of the two nameless bullies.  
"Get away from me..." His voice shakes, feet slowly backing up.   
"Heard Kaylee fucked some other guy instead of spending the night with you. Don't blame her." The guy snickers.   
"Shut up..." Is all Sam can find himself saying.   
"Yeah, Aaron. Shut up." Erin demands, walking over to them.  
He turns around, scoffing.   
"Shouldn't you be doing something better with your time instead of standing up for this freak?"  
"Oh, _fuck off._ Let's go Sam."  
She drags him away, near the entrance of the hallway.  
"Thanks..." He whispers, smiling.  
She looks at him, still holding onto his wrist.  
"No problem."  
They exchange smiles.  
•••  
Sam and Erin wait around for Connor to finish practice, so they can cheer him up.  
"Connor!" Sam yells, following him off the field after practice is over.  
He stops walking, and turns around. "You're still here?" He asks lightly.  
"Yeah. Erin, too. We wanted to make sure you were okay..."  
"Thank you. I'm just...Not in the mood to talk right now."  
"I know it's about Jude, okay? We'll cheer you up."  
"No, Sam. You can't just _cheer me up._ How would you feel if I said to you when you were depressed?" He snaps.  
"Connor...I'm sorry, but-"  
"I don't want to talk right now, okay?"  
"You're being a fucking asshole right now, Connor. Why are you so caught up in Jude, anyway? What makes him so special?" Sam demands.  
"Take that back, Sam! _Take that back!"_  
This sends Sam running.  
"Sam! I didn't mean to raise my voice!" Connor calls out, seeing him run back into the school. "Shit..." He whispers, looking away.  
•••  
Erin sees Sam run back towards her in the hallway, with tears running down his face and shaking breaths.  
"What happened?" She asks. "Connor, just...Raised his voice at me..." He explains, running over to her.  
"Why?"  
He sighs, wiping his tears.  
"He's just, being a dick, alright? About this whole Jude thing. I mean, I know he misses him, but _God_."  
Erin sees where he's coming from, but knows she has to educate him.  
"Sam, remember when your Mom died, and you would get agitated with me?" She speaks calmly.  
Seeing her point, he looks away. "Yeah..."  
"I would keep trying to make you feel better, and you would say, 'You can't make me feel better! Stop trying to make me feel better!'."  
Sam looks at her. "I was a little shit, wasn't I?"  
They both giggle.  
"Give him some time, Sam. Yeah, he shouldn't be taking his anger out on you, but he has a right to be angry. Just like you did."  
He slowly nods.   
"Thanks...You know what I like about you?"  
"What..."  
"You always seem to know what to say."  
She smiles at him. "Not really."  
"Well you do when you're around me."  
"That's because you're easy to talk to."  
They smile at each other. After a few short moments, he leans over and pecks her lips.  
"Uh..." She backs up, her eyes full of confusion.  
He blushes, eyes going wide. "Uh, I uh-"  
Connor bursts through the double doors.  
"Hey...! Hey..." He runs over to them.  
The two of them awkwardly turn around.  
"Sam you're right. I'm being _such_ an asshole. I shouldn't be snapping at you. Especially since I know you're easily triggered. I'm sorry."  
Accepting his apology while giving uneasy looks to Erin, Sam nods.  
"It's okay. I get it. This must be hard for you...I'm sorry too."  
Connor smiles at him. "No more fights, okay?"  
"No more fights." Sam repeats.  
Connor continues smiling. "Thanks for waiting for me. We should get a bite to eat or something." He suggests.  
"Yeah" Sam and Erin force smiles, all while giving each other uncomfortable looks.


	14. Why Would Ya Look At That:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam realizes that his feelings for Erin will slowly fade; but that doesn't mean his feelings for Connor don't return.  
> And they return, alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

Part Fourteen: Why Would Ya Look At That:  
March 14th:  
Sam and Erin awkwardly approach each other in the hallway, at school.  
"Hey..." He starts what will hopefully be a conversation.  
"Hi..."  
"Um, about the peck...On your lips...I'm really sorry..." He apologizes. "It's alright. I get it. I know you didn't mean it like that." She assures, making him smile. "I just got caught up in the moment, I guess..."  
"You _really_ need to stop doing that."  
"I know..." The dialogue between them disappears.  
"Should we even bother telling Connor?" He wonders, making Erin's eyebrows raise.  
"I don't think so. I mean, he's still depressed about Jude, and I don't want him assuming things that aren't true." She explains.  
"Yeah...I get that...." He forces a smile.  
"I'm gonna get to class. See you Sammy." She lightly touches his shoulder, and he watches in awe, as she walks away.  
Sharply exhaling, he stomps over to his locker.  
•••  
Connor gathers what he needs from his locker, trying to keep his mind off of the obvious burden.  
Just dropping one of his pencils, make him punch his locker door in anger. "Owe! Ugh..." He groans, squeezing his fist in hope of healing.  
"Hey Connor."  
He expects to see either Sam, or Erin, when he turns around; but it's Kaylee.  
"Hey..." He squints his eyes in suspicion.  
"What's up?" She smirks. "Just getting to class..." He's not falling for whatever game she's trying to play.  
"Well if you ever wanna hang out, I'm available." She speaks flirtatiously, squeezing his left shoulder.  
Having enough, Connor flicks her hand away. She gawks.  
"Listen Kaylee; Sam's my _friend_. He _told_ me about what you did to him. Flirting with me right in front of him on Friday, was sick. So quit trying to get me to sleep with you. You're a _bitch_." He finally calls her out, leaving her blink rapidly in anger.  
"Screw you." She grumbles, before stomping away.  
Rolling his eyes in agitation, he slams his locker shut. "You wish, bitch." He can't help but mutter.  
•••  
Before lunch starts, Sam approaches him. "Hey."  
"Hey Sammy, what's up?"  
"My brother told me this morning that if you wanted him to, he could help you out with your Math after school. You can ride home with us." He offers.  
"Oh, okay! That's cool. Maybe we can hang out for a bit afterwards...?" He suggests, casually shrugging his shoulders.  
"Yeah. That'd be cool." Sam smiles. "Hey guys." Erin greets them, walking over. "Ya ready?"  
"Yeah. Let's go." Says Connor.  
He can't help but notice that Sam is avoiding eye contact with her.  
•••  
"Connor...? Connor."  
Dylan's voice breaks Connor away from his deep thoughts.  
"Yeah? Sorry. I, I was just..." He roams his eyes around their kitchen, and looking back at the homework that Dylan is helping him with, set on the kitchen table.  
"Want me to explain it to you again?"  
"Yeah..."  
Dylan does so again, Connor trying his best to pay attention this time.  
"Good!" Dylan compliments, seeing that Connor solved the problem right, this time. Connor smiles at him. "Fist bump." Dylan holds his fist out.  
Connor lightly taps his fist against his, and chuckles with racing heart.  
"Wanna try the next one?"  
"Yeah."  
Connor has to force himself to wipe the smile off his face.  
•••  
"So you doing alright?" Connor asks Sam, laying next to each other on the floor of Sam's room almost sixty minutes later. Eyes locked on the ceiling, Sam answers, "I guess."  
Eyes meeting his his, Connor asks, "Is something wrong with you and Erin?"  
Sam blushes, sitting up. "What are you talking about...?"  
"I mean, you're kinda avoiding her..." Connor states, sitting up as well. He looks into his eyes. "I kissed her..." He admits.  
" _What_?" Connor asks, eyes the size of boulders.  
"Well, not ' _kissed her'_ kissed her..."  
"How do you mean, then?"  
"Like..." For a moment, Sam stares at his lips, thinking about demonstrating. Blushing again, he forces himself to stare back into Connor's eyes.  
"It was just a peck on the lips..."  
"Oh..." Connor breaks eye contact.  
"Well, do you like her?" He resumes looking at him.  
The words sit on the tip of Sam's tongue. "Yeah...I do..."  
•••  
For the next few weeks, Sam is surprisingly discreet around Erin. This confuses her, and Connor wants to tell her what's going on. But he doesn't want to rat Sam out. Besides-he has a feeling that she already knows.  
Sam's testing date gets boosted up to the last day of the month, around the same time his symptoms start acting up again.  
March 28th:  
After school, where Sam was absent, Connor and Erin decide to head to his house to check on him.  
"Sam?" Erin asks quietly, knocking on his half opened bedroom door. "Your Dad said we could come in..."  
They enter the room, seeing Sam slumped away in his bed, with his back turned. Connor hopes he has a chance of hearing him speak.  
"Sam? Can you hear us?" Connor asks, walking up in front of the bed.  
They carefully listen to his breathing. Hearing a soft mutter coming from him, Connor's eyes light up.  
Sam rolls over, sulking at them with bleak eyes and messy hair.  
"How was your Easter...?" Connor asks.  
"Fine...Why are you guys here..."  
"To check on you..." Erin speaks, walking over next to Connor.  
"I'm not in the mood to talk..."  
"Okay, well, can we just stay here with you...?" Erin asks.  
"I want to be alone."  
While Connor may be disappointed that Sam doesn't want them to stay with him right now, he still understands.  
Though Erin's not giving up.  
"But-"  
"Just go away! You don't even _like_ me! So _GET OUT_!" Sam shouts directly to her.  
Connor watches in fear.  
Shocked and devastated, Erin runs out of the room, closing the door behind her.  
Sam turns around, shrilly kicking the mattress.  
"I'll go talk to her..." Connor whispers, following her outside; making sure to keep the door halfway open,  
"Hey..." He stands in front of her in the hallway.  
"Hi, um..." She wipes the tears off of her face.  
"He didn't mean that, okay? He's just...Shaken up." Connor tries assuring her.  
"I know, but...Something's really going on with him. And it's not just...This. Why would he say that I don't like him? I'm his best friend."  
"Exactly..."  
"What...?" She doesn't understand.  
"He likes you, Erin. He told me."  
"What...?" She's breathless. Now sweating, she looks away from Connor, nervously twirling her hair. "What-what-why would he...Oh my God..."  
"He told me about what happened between you guys..."  
Returning eye contact, Erin wipes away more tears.  
"I...He's like my _brother_ , Connor..." Her voice cracks.  
Heart breaking for the both of them, he stares at her sadly.  
"I feel awful..." She turns away. "What-what do I-"  
"Hey. This is only a recent thing, okay? At least that's what I'm sure of. If he's like you for a long time...You would've known by now."  
"But what if he doesn't stop liking me...I don't wanna ruin things..." She cries harder.  
"You're not gonna ruin things, alright? You don't know how long this is gonna last."  
"I, I mean...I thought he..."  
"You thought he what?"  
She turns towards him. "Nothing..." She lies. "I gotta go..."  
"What? You can't just leave."  
"It's not like he wants me here anyway." She begins walking down the staircase.  
"Erin! Come on; things are gonna be okay..." He tries motivating her.  
Moments later, he hears the dreaded sound of her leaving.  
He hesitantly walks back into Sam's room, seeing him buried under the blanket on his bed.  
"Sam...?"  
He throws the covers off of himself, revealing that he's resumed crying.  
"Did you...Hear that conversation...?" Connor wonders.  
"Yeah...Of _course_ she doesn't like me. No one _ever_ likes me."  
"Don't say that, Sam. That's not true."  
" _Yes it is!"_  
Sighing, Connor allows himself to sit down next to him.  
"If it makes you feel better, my boyfriend of almost a year completely gave up on me and our entire relationship..." He tries to make him feel better.  
"At least you've _had_ someone be in a committing relationship with you...What's that saying? 'It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all'?"  
"Well between you and me, losing pretty fucking sucks." Connor informs.  
"But loving him was worth it, right?"  
"Yeah...I am, he made me realize I was gay. Got me to come out to my Dad...But, if I knew he was just gonna dump me in the end...You know; why am I blaming _him_ for this? I'm the one that _fucked_ everything up by _coming_ here."  
"Don't say that, Connor. You're here for a reason."  
"Yeah, I have you and Erin. And you guys are pretty great." He smirks.  
Sam blushes, giggling quietly. "Thanks..."  
After Connor releases a long sigh, Sam watches him declare, "Love sucks."  
Laughing, Sam agrees, "Yeah. I agree with you there. I hate feelings."  
"Let's make a pact." Connor starts. "If neither of us are married when we're forty, we'll marry each other."  
Sam guffaws at that, though he's still slightly intrigued. Does he seriously mean that? God forbid Connor thinks Sam is marriage material. "You got that from Friends" he smiles, trying not to blush.  
"Yes, yes I did."  
They laugh together, Connor lying down next to him. Sam smiles.  
"Just, the thing with Erin...It wasn't a big crush. But, I'd date her...Ya know? And I would hate to ruin our friendship. I'll get over her. I want her happy no matter what. But right now...It sucks."  
"Well at least we can be heartbroken together." Connor suggests with a smile.  
Sam chuckles.  
"Thanks...For coming here."  
"Of course...I hope you feel better, Sam."  
"I hope you do too."  
Connor stands up, smiling at him again. "Don't worry about Erin, okay? You'll both go back to being the same old dorky friends you usually are."  
Sitting up, Sam laughs. "Yeah. Can't argue with that...Bye Connor."  
"See ya."  
Now leaning against the doorway, he raises his eyebrows. "Don't get married anytime soon, okay?" He jokes.  
Sam laughs again, redness overtaking his face.  
"Okay I won't." He deepens his voice for comic relief. Chucking, Connor says goodbye once more.  
When he's officially out of the house, Sam falls back against his mattress, and smiles at the ceiling.  
"Oh shit..." He whispers, smile dropping.  
Oh shit, indeed.  
March 31st:  
"Hello my friend." Sam speaks to Erin, walking up to her in the school hallway, that mid afternoon.  
"I _get_ it, Sam. You _don't_ have a crush on me anymore. You have made that _very_ clear."  
"So you like me now?" He smiles.  
"Oh, God no. I'm just saying that you're being annoying with making your non-crush on me very obvious."  
"Well would you rather me still like you?"  
"Good point. Anyways, how was testing?"  
"Pretty boring. I had to answer a bunch of stupid questions. I cried a couple times." He answers.  
"Aw, well I'm glad it's worked out. When should you get the results?"  
"A couple weeks."  
"Well you know Connor and will be there for you every step of the way."  
He grins at her, eyes lighting up.  
"Please don't start liking me again" she begs, making him almost fall over laughing.  
"No worries. I, um..."  
"Connor?" She knows his feelings for him have returned.  
"Damn him."  
She snickers at his comment. "Follow my instructions, Sammy: once he's over Jude, make your move."  
"If only it were that easy, Erin."  
"Is Dylan tutoring him after school?"  
"Yeah..." Sam blushes. "It turns out he's tutoring another kid after him. So, we'll see how that goes."  
She nods. "Want to walk to class with me?" She offers.  
"Why of course, friend."  
"Please stop it."  
•••  
When Dylan's in the middle of tutoring Connor at the kitchen table, Sam purposely walks downstairs to get a snack, for an excuse to stare at him.  
Connor catches him a couple times, leading Sam to hastily make his way into the living room.  
To cope with his feelings, he whimpers into a pillow.  
"Damn you Connor Stevens..." He worriedly moans, now sweating vigorously with a racing heart.  
He sighs, taking his face out of the pillow. "Yup...Defiantly over Erin." He mutters.  
•••  
When it's time for Connor to leave, Sam practically trips over himself while running back into the kitchen.  
"See ya Sam." He smiles, holding up his hand.  
"Bye..." He grins, rapidly waving.  
After Connor walks out the door, Dylan gives Sam a suspicious look. "What...?"  
"Nothing..."  
A short while later, Dylan's next 'student' shows up. Sam has no interest in meeting them, so he stays upstairs to jerk off in his room as quietly as he can.  
Whispering Connor's name at his climax, is what makes him fall out of bed.  
Yelping, he hits his head on the floor.  
Not able to take it anymore, he rushes downstairs into the kitchen.  
Purposely facing away from Dylan and the person he's working with at the table.  
"Are you okay? I thought I heard something fall." He hears Dylan ask him.  
"I'm-" he turns around, suddenly seeing the person sitting in the chair next to Dylan.  
The other nameless bully.  
"Fine..." Sam stares him deep in the eyes, unable to move due to shock.  
"This is Colin." Dylan introduces.  
Colin stares right back at Sam, giving him a very threatening look.  
"Ummmm...."

 


	15. Super Freak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam gets freaky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight sexual content in this chapter...Sorry Mom.

Chapter Fifteen: Super Freak:  
April 7th:  
"You ready for school today, baby?" Jeanette asks Connor, watching him glumly stand behind the kitchen counter, and stare down at the blank surface.  
"It's been a month, Mom..."  
Facial expression changing drastically, she knows exactly what he's talking about.  
"I know, honey...Look at me."  
He does as told, blinking back tears.   
"You're gonna get less angry with each month that passes, you hear? I know from experience. I was a wreck when I had to divorce your father. But over time...Things got better. And they'll get better for you too."   
Her speech only makes Connor cry. "Oh, honey; it's gonna be okay..." She walks over and brings him in for a hug, letting him cry into her shoulder like he usually does.  
"I _miss_ him _so_ much..."  
"I know. I know. It'll get better. I promise you."  
He looks into her eyes, wiping his tears.  
"I'm gonna get ready..."   
When he walks back into his room, he's tempted to look at his phone.  
Starting to cry again, he grabs it off his bed and speedily types in Jude's name on Facebook.  
Checking his last post, he now breathes unsteadily, sweating uncontrollably with anxiety.  
"What...? What...?" He breathes, hands shaking and almost dropping the phone.  
Hearing his sounds of panic, Jeanette runs upstairs to check on him.  
"What is it?" She asks, trying to remain calm.  
"His friend _died_?!" He exclaims aloud, more tears sliding down his cheeks.  
"What?" She needs more details.  
"Jude's friend. He...He _died_!" He yells out, throwing his phone back on the bed.  
"Oh my gosh, did you know them?" She wonders.  
"No, but...He told me about him...I-I need to text him. I need to say I'm sorry-"  
She rushes over to him and pulls him away from the phone.  
"No. _No_...!" He screams, trying to reach out for it.   
Softly shushing him, Jeanette brings him in for another hug.  
"It's not worth it, Connor...It's not worth it. Let him grieve on his own."  
"But-but...I still-I still-" he can barely manage to speak, coughing so hard to the point of almost gagging.  
"Shhhh, shhh...Relax, baby." She whispers, wiping the sweat off of his forehead.  
"You're gonna make yourself sick...Do you wanna stay home?" She offers.  
"No..." He continues looking away from her.   
"I wanna see Sammy."   
•••  
At school, Connor notices that Sam is almost just as angsty as he is.  
"What's wrong...?" He wonders, the two of them standing in front of his own locker.  
"Nothing..." He mutters, refusing to make eye contact.  
"I...I had a few nightmares last night...And a panic attack this morning..." He admits, distressed eyes looking into Connor's.  
Picturing Sam in that kind of emotional and mental state, makes Connor's stomach drop.  
"Oh my God, Sam, _why_?" He worries.  
"Her." Sam murmurs, blinking back tears.   
At first, Connor's confused. He furrows his brow and cocks his head, wishing for Sam to be more specific.  
But then he realizes who he's talking about.  
His mother.  
"I feel _awful_ , Sam...You can always talk to me about it..."  
"Thank you." Sam finally looks at him with light in his eyes, a smile overtaking his face.  
Connor politely smiles back.  
Their nice moment is interrupted by Colin. " _Move_ " he snaps, shoving past Sam.  
Connor scowls. "You know...You could say 'excuse me'." He tries sticking up for him.  
"Fuck off" is all Colin responds, walking away from them. Sam rolls his eyes.  
"What's his _deal_ with you?" Connor asks.  
"He's just giving me a rough time because Dylan's tutoring him."  
"Well does Dylan _know_ he's an asshole?"  
"No...It's not like he harasses me at my house. We don't then talk when he's there. I just don't wanna start any drama."  
Connor nods. "Just avoid him. What's his name?"  
"Colin...I gotta get to class. See you later..."  
Erin walks up to them, greeting, "Hey guys."  
"Hi friend." Sam turns to her.  
"I swear to God, Sam."  
Both of the boys laugh at her, as she playfully rolls her eyes.  
"Um, is Dylan gonna tutor you later on?" Sam shyly asks Connor, turning towards him.  
"No, I don't have time. We gotta practice for our game tomorrow night." He explains.   
"Okay..." Sam forces a smile. "Good luck with practice."   
"Good luck with Colin."  
"The douche bag has a name?" Erin asks, making the boys look at her.  
"I don't want to talk about him." Sam insists.  
The subject is hastily changed.  
•••  
After school, Sam still doesn't hear Colin show up. He unlocks himself from his room, jogging downstairs to get a snack.  
Just like that, the doorbell rings.  
"Who's that...?" Sam fearfully asks, watching Dylan enter the room and run towards the door.  
"Colin. He was running late." He answers, making Sam's knees buckle.  
"Hey." Dylan greets him, after opening the door. "Hey..." Colin walks in, instantly seeing Sam standing there.  
"I'll get my things. You can set your stuff down on the table" Dylan says to Colin.  
"Okay."   
Once Dylan heads upstairs, the boys begin awkwardly staring at each other.  
" _What_?" Colin agitatedly asks.  
" _Nothing_...!" Sam blushes, voice cracking.   
"Shouldn't you be leaving?" Colin crosses his arms.  
"It's _my_ kitchen." Sam speaks freshly, walking closer to him.  
"Listen, dweeb. If you tell _anyone_ that I'm getting tutored by your _brother_ ; I'll fucking _ruin_ you...Understand?" He threatens.  
"You don't scare me." Sam tries to sound defensive.  
Colin scoffs. "You sure about that?"  
Sam's heart-rate increases.  
"You know, what's your deal? What did I ever do to you or Aaron for you guys to be so against me?" Sam interrogates, making Colin roll his eyes.  
"Just go upstairs, Sam."  
" _No_." Sam takes another heavy step, now standing inches away from him.  
With no resentment shown in his eyes, Colin leans forward and gives him a long peck on the lips.  
Eyes now bigger than his stomach, Sam stares at him with a reddened face and gaped open mouth.  
" _Oh_..." Is all he can manage to say, heart hammering even faster now.  
Dylan walks down the staircase, holding his series of notebooks and papers. "Sorry. It took awhile for me to get everything. You ready?" He walks off of the steps, looking directly at Colin.   
He only nods. "I'll be upstairs..." Sam announces, sprinting up the staircase and re-locking himself inside he and Dylan's bedroom.  
"Oh my God..." He whispers in awe, jumping into his bed and staring at the ceiling. Heart heaving, his vision slightly blurs.  
He gazes down at the bulge sticking out of his pants.  
April 8th:  
"Sam...Sam... _Sam_!" Erin yells him out of his daze, the two of them standing in front of her locker at school the next day.  
"Sorry..." He apologizes, taking his eyes off of Colin, who stands across the hall, not paying any attention to him.   
He looks at her. "What were you saying?"  
"Do you _wanna_ go to Connor's game with me tonight?"  
"Uh, yeah!" His smile reveals nervousness. "Sounds good..."  
"You doing alright?" She wonders, giving him a sincere look.  
"Me? Yeah..." He feels his face heat up. "I'm fine..."  
"Is it Connor?" She asks, raising her eyebrows with seriousness.  
"Uh, yeah...I guess." He shrugs.  
Just like yesterday, Colin shoves him out of the way. "Move, twat."   
For only a few moments, he feels Colin press his shoulder against his, and rest his hand on the right side of his back.  
Blushing even harder, Sam straightens his posture.  
They stop touching, and Erin scowls as Colin walks away.  
"What's his _problem_? You _gotta_ tell Dylan that he's a douche." She commands to Sam.  
"I mean, he's not _that_ bad. The taunting isn't constant..." Sam looks away, continuing to blush.  
Erin gasps. "Oh my God! You _like_ him! You _like_ that he's a douche to you!" She yells, making him shush her. "I do not 'like' him...I just...Wouldn't mind..." He trails off, having no idea how to finish that sentence in an appropriate way.  
Erin can tell what he's thinking. "Sam, out of _all_ the guys you could wanna do, you wanna do _him_? I mean, between you and me Connor is _pre-tty_ vulnerable right now, and..." She flicks her eyebrows, suggestively clicking her tongue twice.  
" _Erin_...!" He exclaims in a whisper, cheeks flushing.  
His embarrassed reaction makes her laugh.  
•••  
Sam quietly walks down to where Dylan is helping Colin with his homework, just to get another good look at him.  
"And then you just subtract that..." Dylan is explaining an equation to Colin, staring down at the notebook page and pointing to each individual step.  
"And divide that by X..."  
Colin notices Sam looking at him, and returns eye contact. He smirks at him, almost making Sam flinch.  
He smirks back, before hastily leaving the room.  
"Colin? You listening?" Dylan notices him looking off into space.  
"Yeah...I'm listening." He forces a smile, trying his best to cover up the bulge in his pants.  
He quietly clears his throat.  
When their session ends, Colin announces that his Mom is running late.  
Sam, who's standing nearby in the kitchen again, becomes intrigued by this news. His eyebrows slowly raise.  
"Okay, you guys can hang out upstairs if you want." Dylan casually suggests to the both of them.  
"Yeah..." Sam shyly agrees, he and Colin now intensely staring at each other.  
He wonders if Dylan can sense the sexual tension.  
•••  
Practically attacking each other within seconds after closing the door to the bedroom, Sam and Colin kiss each other roughly.  
Sam pushes Colin onto his bed, climbing right on top of him and continuing to kiss his lips.  
"Um-" he breathes out after he finally pulls away for air. Colin sits up and nods, knowing he wants to say something.  
"I've never really...Done anything like this before..." Sam explains, as Colin kisses his neck.  
He gasps, throwing his head back. "Um-um so I'm sorry if I'm acting really weird. Or horny."  
Colin chuckles, kissing down his collarbone.  
"Mm, uh...Th-that was my first kiss..." He reveals, making Colin look into his eyes.  
"Really?" He pants, catching his breath.  
"Yeah, um, but before we do anything else...Why me?" Sam asks.  
"Always thought you were pretty hot" Colin whispers, starting to kiss his lips again.  
Sam almost laughs out of disbelief, wrapping his arms around him.  
"That why you always picked on me? Trying to get my attention?" He breathes out, after they stop for a few quick seconds.  
Eyes closed, Colin nods.     
"It was Aaron that started getting on your case. I just went along with it. Felt bad 'cause he was giving you shit..." He struggles to talk and breathe at the same time.   
"Why are you even friends with him?" Sam finally catches his breath.  
"You need to stop talking" Colin whispers into his neck, making Sam inhale and close his eyes.   
He nods, knowing that if he keeps talking then they'll run out of time.   
They hear a knock on the door downstairs, and Colin freezes.   
"Your Mom here...?" Sam whispers, his eyes flying open.   
"Don't think so...She would've texted me." Colin answers, resuming to kiss down his neck.  
Sam makes a small sound with his mouth, right before they hear Dylan greet whoever's at the door.  
That person being Connor.  
"Connor's here...?" Colin whispers, looking up at Sam.  
"Crap...I totally forgot. Him and I talked at school about how he was gonna come over and get tutored after you...Uh, be right back."  
He runs out of the room, firmly closing the door behind him.  
"Hey...!" He runs halfway down the staircase, noticing Connor standing next to Dylan in the kitchen. "Oh hey!" He looks at him, noticing his slightly messy hair.  
"Um, I forgot you were coming over..."  
"Soooo, Colin's still here?" He asks, repeating what Dylan just told him.  
"Yep..."  
"You guys getting along?" Connor's glad, but also kind of surprised that the status of their relationship has changed so quickly.  
"Yeah...We're just hanging out."  
But after returning back upstairs, they continue to prove that they're doing just the opposite of that.  
•••  
"Your Mom here?" Dylan asks Colin, seeing him gather his things and walk towards the front door. Connor sits next to him, trying to work on his homework.  
"Yeah..." Colin puts on his backpack, just as Connor suspiciously looks at him.   
"Thanks again. Dylan. My Mom left the check in a yellow envelope in the mailbox."  
"Sounds good. See ya man."  
"Bye..." Connor awkwardly waves to him, and Colin only nods.  
"Bye guys..."  
Connor gets an uneasy feeling in his stomach, watching him leave.  
"Connor? Wanna move onto the next one?" Dylan gets his attention.  
"Yeah...Let's do that."  
Before looking back at Dylan, Connor gives a quick look up the staircase, in the direction of Sam's room.  
•••  
Knowing that Jeanette is waiting in the car outside, Connor rushes upstairs to say goodbye to Sam.  
"Come in." He hears him call out, after quietly knocking on the door.  
"Hey..." He greets, entering the room. "Hi!" Sam smiles, sitting up on his floor.  
"I'm gonna go. I gotta get some rest for the game tonight...I'll, see you there?" Connor asks hopefully.  
"Yeah. Defiantly."  
"Cool..." Connor continues smiling at him. "You okay?" Sam asks, laughing quietly.  
"Me? _Yeah_. Yeah. Defiantly. So, you and Colin are actually getting along?" He crosses his arms, knowing that there's more to the story.  
"Yup..." Sam's cheeks flush again, making him blink nervously.  
"That's good...Well I'll see ya later. Bye Sammy."  
"Bye Connor." Sam forces a smile.   
Right before he turns away, Connor notices the hickey on the right side of Sam's neck.  
•••  
Meeting up in Erin's room before getting a ride to Connor's football game from her Mom, it's not too long before she notices Sam's hickey.  
"Is that a hickey?!" she interrogates, closing the door of her room for privacy. "Maybe..." He turns pale.  
"Were you just playing with the vacuum cleaner? Or is this from a _serious_. _Live_. _Human_." She asks, walking over and inspecting it.  
"A _serious_ live human, thank you very much. Colin." He explains.  
" _What_?!"   
He jumps, covering his ears and shushing her.  
"Crap. Crap. Sorry..." She now speaks quietly, having him uncover his hears and calm himself down.  
"Did you guys..." She trails off, thinking the obvious. "No...We made out. Dry humped a little."  
" _Ew_ ; don't tell me _that_!"  
"Well you _asked_!"  
"Does Connor know...?" She can't help but ask.   
"No. And I would appreciate it if you _did_ _not_ tell him..."  
Something telling her that Connor's going to find out the hard way-that doesn't involve her telling him herself-makes Erin glare at him.  
•••  
April 11th:  
Colin almost accidentally knocks Sam's textbook off of the desk in him and Dylan's room, due to slamming him up against so.   
"Shh. They're gonna hear us" Sam whispers, trying to be discreet because of Dylan and Connor's presence downstairs.  
He hasn't said hello to him yet, and doesn't even know if he knows that Colin's still here, or ever came over in the first place.   
"Let's go over to your bed, then."   
Sam smiles, getting an oddly satisfying feeling in his stomach.  
Pushing him down into the bed, he climbs on top of him, kicking his backpack down onto the floor as he kisses his lips.  
The backpack makes a loud bang when it hits the floor, making the boys break apart.  
" _Jesus_ , Sam."  
"I'm _sorry_...!"  
They shout whisper to each other.  
•••  
Downstairs, as Connor's packing up his things to leave, he looks up at the ceiling.  
"Did you hear something...?" He asks, zipping up his backpack. "I don't think so...Why? Your Mon here yet?"  
"No, um...I'm gonna go see Sammy...You said Colin was here?"  
"Yeah."  
"I thought so..." Connor clenches his jaw, walking towards the bottom of the staircase.  
"What's wrong?" Dylan asks, noticing the anger written straight across his face.  
•••  
"Shit. Harder." Sam whispers to Colin, now lying below him on top of his bed, feeling him rub his erection through his pants.  
Colin does as told, making Sam arch his back. "God, I'm so close..." He tries to keep his voice from quivering, eyes rolling into the back of his head.  
"Connor."  
Colin comes to a complete stop.   
"What the hell?" He asks him.   
The knock on the door, makes Colin take his hand away.  
"Bathroom." Sam whispers to him, pointing over to it. Colin gets up, and scurries into the bathroom; quietly closing the door behind him.  
"Uh-uh-come in" Sam stutters, covering his body with the blanket. Connor opens the door, surprised to not see Colin around.  
"Hey...Um, I was about to get going and wanted to say goodbye." He smiles.  
"Oh, okay! Bye Connor. Nice seeing you..."  
"Um, where's Colin?"  
"Bathroom." Sam's face turns a mixture of different colors.   
"Well, tell him I say hi..." Connor squints his eyes. "Um, actually, do you think I could stay in here until my Mom shows up?" He only wants to see how Sam will react.  
"Uh-" Sam's stomach drops.  
"Oh. Never mind. I think she's here. Bye..." He forces a quick smile. "It was fun seeing you over the weekend."  
"You too."  
Connor finally closes the door, and Sam let's out an exhale of relief.  
But little does he know that Connor's still behind the door, purposely listening.  
Sam walks over to the bathroom door, opening it to see Colin still standing there.  
"Hey, uh, the only reason I said what I said was because I heard him coming upstairs..." Sam hastily lies about why he said Connor's name.  
"Well c'mere, then." Colin pulls him back out into the room, resuming to kiss him.  
Pressing his ear against the door, Connor cringes at what he's hearing.  
Colin pushes Sam down onto the floor, climbing on top of him again and resuming to rub him.  
"Shit, yeah, keep doing that..." Sam whispers, and Connor raises his eyebrows, awkwardly sitting up and looking at the ceiling.  
Right when Sam's about to reach his climax, Connor accidentally smashes his right knee against the door, while struggling to stand up.  
" _Owe_!"

 

 

 

 


	16. Don't Do Me Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor's jealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that there's no Erin in this chapter. But she'll return.

Chapter Sixteen: Don't Do Me Wrong:  
Connor's first instinct is to run. He runs, down the hallway and into the bathroom; closing and locking the door behind him. "Nice going, dumbass." He whispers to himself.  
"What the hell- _Connor_!" Sam screams, scowling at his door, after he and Colin had broken apart from each other.  
He storms over to the door, grabbing the door knob and swinging it open.  
Colin sighs, rubbing his temples. Sam groans, seeing that Connor's disappeared.  
"Why would he be spying on us?" Colin asks him, just before his phone starts buzzing.  
"My Mom's here..." He announces with another sigh, reading the text he's received.   
"Okay...See you tomorrow?" Sam asks with worry, now heavily sweating. He feels his heart beat more intensely with each amount of seconds that pass.  
"Defiantly." Colin pecks his lips goodbye, unlike the last time he left. Pleasantly surprised, Sam smiles.  
•••  
"Bye Dylan..." Colin awkwardly walks past him in the kitchen, avoiding eye contact while focusing on just getting straight out the door.  
"See ya man..."   
Dylan doesn't look at him, too busy standing over the table and skimming over something he's reading in his textbook.  
He turns around, looking over and seeing the hickey on the back of his neck, that wasn't there before he went upstairs with Sam.  
"What the fuck?" He whispers to himself, right after Colin closes the door behind him.  
•••  
" _Connor_?! Connor!" Sam demands, angrily stomping down the hallway, looking for where he's discreetly hiding out.  
It's not too long before he sees that the bathroom door is locked, banging his fist onto so.  
" _Connor_!"  
"Um, occupied...!"  
"Just open the damn door!"  
Connor does as commanded, being scowled at when seen by Sam. "What the hell, Connor?!" He asks, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door.  
"Well ex _cuse_ me for assuming that there was something going _on_ between you two. _Which there is._ " Connor snaps.  
"Well what the hell were you doing hiding behind the door? Oh my God _please_ don't say you were jerking off-"  
"Are you crazy?! _No_!" Connor shout whispers.  
"Is he still here...?" He decides to ask.  
"What, no."  
"Good."  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asks shrilly.  
"Nothing...!"  
"What; are you _jealous_?"   
Connor automatically blushes. "What, no! Shut up Sam." He desperately tries avoiding the subject of his obvious envy.   
Sam raises his eyebrows in response.  
" _SAM! GET DOWN HERE! NOW!"_ Dylan's booming words make him jump, Connor cringing in wonder to what Dylan wants.   
Sam starts to quietly hyperventilate.  
"Don't worry it's okay..." Connor sees he's in a panic, lightly touching his wrist.  
"Why is he mad at me; I don't want anyone being mad at me..." Sam whispers, breathing unsteadily.  
"Hey. It's okay. I'll go down with you, alright?" Connor whispers, holding onto his wrist.  
"I promise."   
Sam nods, giving him a relaxing look.  
"Okay..."  
•••  
"Why the hell was there a _hickey_ on the back of Colin's neck when he came down here?" Dylan interrogates Sam, who's standing next to Connor in fear, trying not to clutch onto him.  
"Um..." He sweats, knowing Dylan's overprotective self is going to go insane.  
"I gave it to him" Connor pipes up, trying to cover for Sam.   
He's feels Sam glare at him, and only shrugs. "Oops."  
"Nice try." Dylan's not falling for it, scowling at Sam again.  
"Are you _screwing_ him?"  
"Not _yet_ " Sam sassily answers back, making Connor cringe.  
"'Not yet'- _Jesus_ , Sam you're _fourteen_ fucking years old" Dylan scolds.  
" _And_ a half."  
"I don't _care_!" Dylan raises his voice, making Sam flinch. "Don't raise your voice, Dylan; you know it scares him." Connor chides in a whisper.  
Dylan quietly sighs. "So what; you're just not gonna tutor him anymore?" Sam's tone is challenging.  
"Oh, I'll have him come over tomorrow and I'll _kick his ass"_ Dylan declares, Connor trying not to chuckle at his overprotectiveness.  
Sam rolls his eyes. "Fine. He won't come over anymore. Big deal. Why do you even care so much?" Sam asks his brother. "I'm just having a little fun." He adds, making Connor irritably bite his bottom lip.  
"I just don't want you getting hurt, Sam. That's all." Dylan clarifies.  
"Well don't worry."  
"He just wants to get in your pants, Sam. He doesn't _like you_." Dylan spits him the truth.  
"You don't know that. And so what if _does_ just want to hookup? I don't _care_. At least he pays a _ttention_ to me." Sam rants, before having enough and stomping upstairs. Hearing Sam slam the door closed to their bedroom, Dylan rolls his eyes and mutters gibberish.  
"Um...Can you give me a ride home...?" Connor asks. "My Mom's working..."  
"Sure..."   
Connor can tell by the look in his eyes, that Dylan is not happy.  
He's not exactly feeling very peachy, either.  
•••  
"I mean, I _knew_ he always kinda leaned towards guys more than girls, but I never expected him to go _fooling around_ with them. I always thought he was too _innocent_ to do something like that."   
Dylan continues to rant to Connor in the car, while giving him a ride back to his house.  
"Wait, you think he actually _likes_ guys? That he isn't just curious?" Connor asks, looking over at him from the passenger's seat.  
"Yeah. For a while, now. I mean, it was _so_ obvious that he liked you when you first met."  
Blood draining from his face, Connor's mouth slightly drops open. "What...?" He can't feel his fingertips.  
"Yeah. Wouldn't shut up about you."  
"Oh...Well, he doesn't like me anymore, sooo...It doesn't matter." Every part of Connor's body is now sweating, his cheeks beat red.  
"Whatever. Don't tell him I told you that, alright?" Dylan looks at him, pulling up in front of his house.  
"Okay..."   
With an unsettled look on his face, Connor looks away.  
"You alright?"  
"Yeah..." He unbuckles his seatbelt. "I'm fine."  
"Are you, like, jealous?" Dylan asks.  
Connor instantly looks at him with fire in his eyes.  
"What...? N-no! Why would _I_ be jealous..." He asks, blinking with nervousness. His vision partially blurs.  
"Are you mad that you're not getting any action? They do say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new." Dylan grins cheekily, making Connor blush and have no idea how to answer.  
"You could get some action if you wanted to." Dylan supports.  
"Thank you...?" Connor doesn't know if whether he should take that as compliment or not.  
"So, you're entirely against the idea of Sam 'getting action' but am supporting me to do the same?" Connor asks, scoffing.  
"He's my brother. That's different. But then again, I would _totally_ rather him be hooking up with you than some guy he barely knows."  
Dylan admits.  
This has Connor resume to sweat. "Um...Thanks, I guess." He can't help but laugh slightly, now sweating more than he ever thought he could.  
"I'm gonna go...Thanks for dropping me off."   
He hastily opens the door, grabbing his backpack and getting out of the car. Dylan watches Connor in confusion, seeing him slam the door, and run inside his home.  
He has a feeling he knows what's going on. Or at least he thinks he does.  
Upstairs inside his room, Connor frustratingly screams into his pillow.  
•••  
April 12th:  
With a clenched jaw and squeezed fists, Connor walks downstairs into his kitchen, dressed and bathed for the day.  
"Hungry?" Jeanette asks him, as she sips her morning coffee.  
"No..."  
She can automatically tell that he's irritated. "What's wrong? You're not excited to see your friends today?" She tries getting him to see the bright sides of his day. "Your football practice? You did great in the game on Friday. Your father would've been-"  
" _Dad wouldn't have given a shit, Mom."_ He interrupts her with loud exasperation.  
"Connor..." Her hesitance turns her tone small and fragile. She's never seen Connor act this snippy before.  
She watches in despair, seeing him break down crying.  
"Baby, it's _okay_!" She raises her voice in shock, setting down her coffee and walking over to him. "It's not okay!" He cries, as she has him hug her and rest his head on her shoulder.  
"Jude's never gonna talk to me again and Sam doesn't care about me anymore."  
"Honey, why would you say such a thing?" She wonders, grabbing him by his shoulders and having him look at her.  
"He...He's fooling around with some guy at our school. I don't want to talk about it." Connor breaks from her old.  
"He likes boys?"  
"That's what it seems like. For the most part..."  
"Well...Do you like _him_?"  
Connor recoils. " _No_ , Mom, _geez_! Jude only broke up with me thirty seven days ago."  
Creeped out by how Connor has literally been counting down the days since Jude had broken up with him, she raises her eyebrows and slowly nods.  
"Well, you're allowed to start moving on whenever you feel like it."  
"Even if I wanted to, what guy would ever _like_ me? Jude was the only person who genuinely liked me, and I lost him." Connor doubts himself.   
"Honey, don't say that. Any boy would be lucky to have you."  
"Clearly that's not true if Jude dumped me..." His voice begins breaking.  
"Then Jude's a fool. And I resent him for hurting you." Jeanette admits.  
"Don't _say that_ , Mom! You didn't know him like I knew him...I'm not gonna blame him for anything. This is _all my fault_." Connor claims.   
"It's his own fault for hurting you. Not yours." Jeanette's words hit him hard.  
"But...I..." He doesn't want to believe that Jude did anything wrong.  
"I know you're tending to blame yourself. But you can't. It's not you. Connor. It's him. And his own stubborn mind..." She speaks softly.  
"Connor, one day a boy is gonna love you _so_ much. More than Jude ever could. More than you ever loved him."  
"Love, him." He corrects. "I still love him, Mom."  
"One day you won't. You're gonna love someone else so much, that it won't even compare to the love you had for Jude. And they're gonna love you just as much. But not as much as I love you, though." She smiles at him.  
"Mom" he mutters at her last comment, blushing lightly.  
She chuckles, kissing the top of his head.  
"I love you, Connor."  
"I love you too."  
She gives him one last hug, before watching him walking towards the entrance of the room.  
"Your knight in shining armor will be here before you know it, Connor."  
" _Mom...!"_  
•••  
At school, Colin convinces Sam to sneak off into the guys' empty locker room with him before first period.  
"Mm" Sam mutters, right after Colin slams him up against a locker and starts kissing him. "Did I hurt you?" Colin whispers, opening his eyes and stepping back.  
"Mm-mm. It's fine, um, keep going." Sam forces a smirk.   
Grinning, Colin kisses him even harder, setting his hands on Sam's shoulders.  
He moves his hand down to his crotch.  
"Mm, Colin not here." Sam moves his hand away.  
"C'mon" Colin chortles, beginning to kiss his neck.  
Sam closes his eyes and arches his head up, trying to ignore the pleasure he feels.  
"Colin...Seriously, not here."  
"Where, then?" He whispers into his ear, sending shivers down Sam's spine.  
"I don't know...We can't do it right now, anyway. I gotta get to class." Sam walks past him.  
"What's the matter? You seem off."  
"Why do _you_ care? This is all you'll ever want from me, anyway." Sam retorts.   
Colin cringes. "So what? Just because I kiss you doesn't mean I wanna fucking marry you or some shit."  
" _Obviously, Colin."_  
"Well then what's your deal? This is all you're ever gonna get from me. Take it or leave it."  
Sam looks at him with hurt in his eyes.  
"You know what, Colin? Just get away from me."  
Colin scowls. "Fine. I wouldn't want people to find out that I'm hooking up with _you_ , anyway."  
Sam cringes. "Screw you."  
"That's ironic" he breathes out, making Sam roll his eyes and speedily walk back out into the main hallway.  
"Whoa, what's got _you_ heated?" Connor asks, seeing him stomp past him.  
Sam stops walking, and looks at him with a scowl that's slowly fading away at the sight of him.  
"I thought you were mad at me."  
"I thought _you_ were mad at _me_."  
They turn quiet. "What's wrong?" Connor tries getting him to talk, again.  
"I was pissed. Now I'm even more pissed."  
"Why?"  
"Colin and I won't be hooking up anymore. Happy?" Sam glares at him.  
Taken aback, Connor cringes. "Why, what happened?"  
"Quit acting like you care. Just go off and celebrate somewhere."  
Connor's mouth drops open. "You know, you're not being very nice. I'm sorry if Colin doesn't like you the way you want him to, but don't take it out on _me_. You're too good for some worthless booty call."  
Instead of responding positively to Connor's blatant compliment, Sam scowls at him again.  
"Just stay out of my life, Connor."  
He only means it because it's not really him who's speaking, right now.  
•••  
Bitter and seeking for revenge, Connor finds the girl he's looking for, at her locker.  
"Hey Kaylee...You know how I shot you down that one time?"  
•••  
They decide to ditch first period to make out in the girls' bathroom.   
Kaylee slams him against the wall, repeatedly kissing his lips. Forcing his eyes closed, he anxiously breathes through his nose.  
' _Yep. I'm gay. I'm gay.'_  
"Mm." He puts his hands on the sides of her shoulders, trying to get her off.  
"Yeah, you like that?" She whispers, starting to kiss down his neck.  
"Actually, uh-" he lightly pushes her away from him.  
"I can't do this..."  
He starts jogging towards the exit. "What? Why not?!" She yells, staring at the back of his head.  
"Because I'm gay!" He yells back, before making his way out the door.  
Now standing alone in the hallway, and Kaylee still frozen from shock in the bathroom, both of them are left speechless.


	17. This Is What You Came For:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You'll get to see why this fic is titled what it is. If you already know, I love you. You might just also get excited about a few other things, that happen...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading. Tell me if you hated it and wanna gauge my eyeballs out.

Chapter Seventeen: This Is What You Came For:  
Connor and Erin choose to walk out of first period together.  
"Why did you show up late?" She asks, the two of them entering the hallway. "Um...I did something really stupid..." He whispers to her, uncomfortably looking around the area.  
"What?"  
"I kissed Kaylee a few times..." He admits, when they stop in front of a random locker.  
" _What_?"  
"I feel _awful_..." He sounds as if he might cry. "I-I didn't _enjoy_ it, obviously but..." He begins sweating, resuming to anxiously look around.  
"Why'd you do it, then?" She asks, though she already knows the answer. "'Cause I'm a bitter, jealous, bitch." He criticizes himself.  
"Being jealous doesn't make you a bitch." She insists.  
"Still shouldn't have done it" he mutters, looking down at his shoes.  
"Yeah, but...He doesn't like her anymore, anyway. He'll understand."  
"But-" he starts crying. "He already told me to get out of my life..."  
She blinks. "He didn't mean that, Connor...What he might have...Can give him major mood-swings. He didn't mean what he said. I promise you."  
"You really think so?" He wipes away his tears.  
"I know Sam anywhere. _This_ , is not Sam."  
He nods, sniffling. "I'm gonna get to my next class...Thank you, Erin."  
"Good luck telling your Mom you got detention." She smirks, making him chuckle. "Yeah. She's gonna be pissed that I have to miss practice. See ya Erin."  
With sorrow and stress, she watches him walk away.  
"Hi..." Sam walks up to her. "Hey, what's up?" She crosses her arms and gives him an interested look.  
"I said something-"  
"Really stupid?"  
"Yeah...Connor told you?"  
"Yeah...He knows you didn't mean it...Um, have you been getting together with Colin?" She wonders, raising her eyebrows.  
"No. He's an _ass_. Wanted to go all the way and got all rude when I said no." He explains, the harsh words that were said to him repeating in his head.  
"I'll kill him." She frowns.  
"Thank you, but...No." He smiles, chortling.  
"It was fun while it lasted." He adds, shrugging. "I need to talk to Connor. Like, really talk to him."  
"He got detention after school for being late to class." She suggests.  
A lightbulb appears in his head.  
•••  
"Did you write down things you found interesting about the documents we read, Sam?" His History teacher asks, seeing him slumped down in his chair, during next class.  
"No ma'am." He answers.  
"And why's that?"  
"Because I didn't find anything interesting about them, ma'am."  
He grins, hearing that he's made the entire class laugh. His smile turns even bigger, when it's announced by his teacher that he has detention.  
•••  
The boys mainly avoid each other for the rest of the day, until they both find themselves walking with each other to detention.  
"Erin told me you were late to class." Sam shares. "Yeah..." Connor doesn't exactly want to explain why, yet. "Um, why'd you get it?" He asks.  
"I sassed a teacher in my class."  
"Badass." Connor teases, making Sam's face redden, a giggle leaving his mouth.  
They both know not to bring up what Sam said. Connor knows that Sam's sorry, and Sam knows that Connor forgives him.  
"Um, you doing alright?" He decides to ask him.  
"Yeah...I'm...I'm fine, now." Sam smiles. Eyes sparkling, Connor does the same back.  
•••  
"Looks like we're the first ones to show up." Connor points out, when he and Sam enter the classroom where no one else has arrived yet. "Yeah..."  
They sit down next to each other, in the middle of the the third row.  
After almost a full minute of awkward eye contact and no words being spoken, Connor finally speaks up.  
"Can I tell you something...?"  
Sam automatically sits up, blushing deeply. "Uh, yeah. Defiantly..."  
"Um...The reason I was ditching class, is because...I was making out with Kaylee." He drops the bombshell.  
Instead of feeling angry and betrayed, Sam is simply confused. "Why would you wanna do that?" He even laughs quietly.  
"Um..." Connor doesn't want to answer truthfully.  
"Um, are you curious? Like, about girls?" Sam wonders.  
"What? No. I...I am _very very_ gay. And even I was curious I wouldn't experiment with _Kaylee_."  
"Then why did you?"  
Connor's at a loss for words, again. "I guess I was just...Jealous. About you and Colin. I did it out of spite...And I'm sorry."  
"Oh..." Is all Sam can say, now thinking heavily. Connor's heart now pounding, he watches Sam stare into space, assuming he's in deep thought.  
"Did you like me when we first met?" He blurts out the question, even catching his own self off guard.  
Sam's now terrified eyes, look back at him.  
"Um-" he stutters, too distracted by Connor's eyes.  
Connor stares back, right at his pupils. He gulps, heart beating faster and faster.  
Sweating heavily and in a confused daze, he feels he might fall out of his chair.  
He leans forward, moving his eyes down to Sam's lips.  
The blood from Sam's face is now drained, unable to convince himself that this is actually happening.  
It's not happening anymore, when the door opens. Connor leans back against his chair, sighing quietly.  
"Gentleman. A little early for detention, are we?" Asks male detention monitor, eyes slowly roaming the both of them.  
Too fragile and in shock to speak, the boys only nod.  
They make nervous eye contact with each other, one last time.  
When detention finally takes place, their knees can't help but touch.  
•••  
After the teacher announces the detention roundups dismissal almost two hours later , a humiliated and flustered Connor thinks that Sam never wants to talk to him again because of what almost happened.  
He sprints out of the room, leaving Sam confused and bewildered.  
"Connor!" He yells, running after him.  
Hearing his yell, gets Connor to stop. He turns around, dreadfully watching Sam get closer and closer.  
Now standing inches away from him, he waits for Sam to say that he shouldn't have leaned forward. That what happened was wrong; and that he never actually liked him like Dylan claimed. That he never will.  
Instead, he gives him a tight squeeze, practically making Connor jump.  
"I'm sorry about what I said to you earlier. I don't want you out of my life. You're one of the _best_ things that's ever happened to me." He speaks into his shoulder, Connor's eyes lighting up at what he hears.  
"Thank you, Sammy." He hugs him back, breathing in his scent.  
Sam let's go of him, stepping away and looking back into his eyes. He smiles at him.  
"So you really got detention, huh?" Connor teases, trying to distract himself from his feelings.  
"Only because I heard you did."  
Eyes widening with interest, Connor blushes again, and Sam's smile turns bigger.  
"I'm gonna go...Bye Connor."  
"Bye Sammy."  
•••  
May 20th:  
Connor knocks only twice, before actually entering the house.  
"Hey Connor." Ken stands up from the kitchen chair he's sitting in, giving him a good look.  
"Hey..." He squeezes the wrapped frozen ice cream cone, in his hand. "Uh, he upstairs?"  
"Yeah. Thanks for coming to see him, Connor." "Of course." He announces loudly, as he jogs upstairs.  
•••  
"Heyyyyy, Sammy." He tries to sound positive, while watching the negative sight of Sam hiding away in his bed.  
He takes a look at the open pill bottle, on his dresser that sits across the room.  
"Meds treatin' ya well?"  
"Not really..." Sam's barely audible.  
"How many ya takin'?"  
"I'm on one hundred and twenty five milligrams a day..." He answers.  
"Jesus" Connor breathes, walking over to the side of the bed Sam's laying on, setting his empty hand on his back.  
"Well they oughta start working soon. It's only been a couple weeks since you started."  
"Yeah..."  
"Why aren't you looking at me?"  
"'Cause I'm extra ugly today."  
"You're _never_ ugly. Now _look at me._ " Connor never thought he could get so infuriated at the sound of such a simple sentence.  
Slowly, with his back still turned, Sam sits up. He runs a hand through his messy, greasy hair, and leans over to the right night side table to reach for his glasses he wears when he's incapable of sticking contact lenses into his eyes.  
Now wearing them, he sighs and turns around, looking at Connor.  
"You get glasses?" He smirks.  
"I've had them since I was twelve. Gotta wear them when I can't wear my contacts."  
"Well you should wear them more often. You're cute."  
Sam raises his eyebrows, face turning red at Connor's comment.  
"I mean, erm, they're cute." Connor corrects himself. Sam snickers. "I don't really think so...But thanks." He smiles warmly, and Connor automatically does the same back.  
"What's that?" Sam notices the wrapped cone in his hand.  
"For you." He holds it out. "I know you like mint, sooo, uh, I got it from the gas station."  
He receives another smile from him.  
"I'll defiantly have to save that for later since I'm not hungry right now. But thank you." His eyes are now also smiling.  
"Come on, you're saying no to ice cream?" Connor teases.  
"My meds are."  
"Gotcha." He puts the ice cream down on Sam's left bedside table, and sits down next to him.  
"You didn't have to come" he smiles.  
"Well I did. Get used to me." Connor smirks again, making Sam laugh.  
The sound of Connor's phone vibrating, makes him jump. "You alright?" Connor asks softly, putting his hand on his shoulder. "Yeah...I am now. Uh, yeah." Sam rambles, resuming to blush like crazy. Sam smiles, taking his hand off of Sam's shoulder and reaching for his phone in his pocket.  
He reads a text from someone he thought he'd never hear from again,  
**U there?**  
"Oh my God. Oh my God. _Oh my God..."_ Connor starts breathing uncontrollably, heart sinking into his stomach.  
"Whoa whoa whoa, what's going on?" Sam asks, sitting up and returning the gesture Connor sent.  
"Jude texted me. Jude just _texted_ me _oh_ _my God."_ Connor raises his voice, trying not to hyperventilate.  
"What? What'd he say?"  
Connor shows him the text. "Connor, _don't_ text him back."  
"But-but what if he's-"  
"Connor, if he were in some sort of danger, I _think_ he would've been more specific."  
"No no no I _gotta_ text back-"  
" _Connor_ -!"  
But he's already typing a response. "No!" Sam rips the phone from his hand, and sliding it under his bed.  
This leads Connor to tear up. "It's...It's-it's been over two months. I miss him."  
"I know. It's gonna take time. C'mere." He lets him cry into shoulder, wrapping his ask around him. "It's okay...It's gonna be okay."  
He lets him cry for more than ten minutes, watching in despair and trying not to cry himself.  
"I...I don't have a good feeling about this. I _gotta_ text him back..." Connor declares, looking Sam in the eyes.  
He exhales quietly. "Okay...Only if you think it'll help."  
In a hurry, Connor finds his phone under the bed and takes it out.  
**I'm here what's going on.** He texts back.  
"I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous..." He whispers, chest heaving up and out. "Hey. Hey. It's okay; don't be nervous." Sam touches his wrist, slightly calming Connor.  
Nothing just saying hi. Is what Jude texts back.  
"Well what the hell do I say to _that_?!" Connor practically wheezes.  
" _Nothing_. You don't say _anything_." Sam orders, taking his phone from him again. "I'm not gonna let you get hurt again, Connor."  
"Something's going on. I _know_ it." Connor can feel it in his gut.  
"Well what could be going on?"  
"I don't know. But I'm gonna find out."  
Without texting Jude back, he finds out that his old middle school, that Jude still currently goes to, was just currently on lockdown due to someone bringing a gun into the school.  
"Oh my God. Oh my _God_!" Connor screams, staring at the virtual news article in front of face.  
"Don't worry. He's okay." Sam touches his wrist again, trying to comfort him.  
"I know, but...Why would he text me?" Connor asks aloud.  
"Because he trusts you. You're his safe place."  
"If I were his 'safe place' then he wouldn't have _dumped_ me! He only texted me because he _wanted_ me for something!" Connor screams, grunting as he throws his phone against the wall, scaring Sam. He gasps.  
Connor looks at him, tears stained into his eyes. "Shit. Shit. I'm so sorry. I-I just..." He resumes crying.  
"I get it...You don't deserve this, Connor. You don't. You..."  
"I what?" Connor wipes his tears.  
"Just c'mere." Sam hugs him right. Connor hums into his shoulder, and hugs him back.  
"I wanna show you this song." Sam speaks.  
"What?"  
Sam unwraps his arms from around him, leaning over and reaching for his phone, at the end of the bed.  
"I want you to listen to this." He finds his tangled earbuds and sticks them into the headphone jack.  
"I'm pretty sure I've listened to every break up song out there, since the incident, Sammy." Connor chuckles at him.  
"Well maybe you haven't heard this one. It's not exactly a 'break up' song. More like a...Message to anyone who's done you wrong, song."  
"Jude _sure_ did do me wrong."  
"So listen to this." Sam sticks the earbuds into Connor's ears, making them both smile.  
"This is, uh...A song that Mom would listen to a lot. When I was younger. She always had it on repeat..." Sam distractedly shares, as he finds the song in his music library.  
"Now I listen to it a lot. Maybe you'll start doing the same."  
The next thing Connor hears, is the opening chords to I'm The Only One by Melissa Etheridge.  
He smiles at the sudden electric guitar riff that breaks out, making Sam chuckle.  
"Turn it up." He requests.  
Sam smiles and does so.  
Connor can relate to almost every lyric, especially the booming and long noted chorus.  
"This is great" he smiles, hearing the bridge; making Sam laugh.  
After the song ends, concluding with almost five minutes, Connor takes the earbuds out.  
"How come I've never heard this?" He smiles.  
"I think I deserve a thank you" Sam jokes, making them both laugh.  
"Thank you. Not just for the song. For...For everything, Sammy."  
They smile at each other.  
"Wanna know how you can relate to the song even more?" Sam asks goofily.  
"How?"  
"She's gay too."  
Connor guffaws. "You're _lying_."  
"I am _not_! She _is_!" Sam smiles, and they both giggle.  
"What made you start listening to that again? Just brings back good memories?" He wonders.  
"And bad ones..." Sam bleakly looks away, for a second.  
Connor bites the inside of his cheek.  
"Your Mom?" He asks, assuming it also reminds him of the bad times with him Mom.  
"Not just my Mom...Lauren."  
"The girl you talk to?"  
"Talked, to..." Sam corrects, blinking away tears.  
"What? What happened?" Connor sounds more heartbroken than he is.  
"She's ignoring me."  
" _What_? _Why_ would she ignore you? _Why_ _would she do that."_ Connor doesn't understand, vision blurring with rage.  
"Because I came out to her..." Sam looks at him with tears in his eyes.  
Every ounce of Connor's body fills with anger. "What the hell? That's fucking _horrible_. Never talk to her. Never again. You're too good for some homophobic _bitch_."  
Though Sam is now crying, he still laughs.  
"Thank you, Connor..."  
"Of course." He stands up, walking over and picking up his now cracked phone.  
"Shit. I gotta get back." He announces, checking the time.  
Disappointment fills Sam's eyes. "Okay...Bye Connor."  
"Bye gorgeous." He walks over and gives him a hard peck on the lips.  
Slowly, Sam grins at him, cheeks now more flushed than ever.  
Connor laughs nervously, smiling back with a booming heart.  
Just because he did what he did without any prior thinking, doesn't mean he regrets it.  
Not one bit.  
"Don't let that ice cream melt...Okay?"  
"Okay, I won't." He chuckles, still grinning cheekily.  
"I'll see you at the game?" He asks, staring at the back of his head while watching him walk towards the open exit.  
"You better."  
•••  
Ken, who's not an idiot, can defiantly tell by the dorky grin on Connor's face that something defiantly happened up there.


	18. The Luck You Got:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Tw: inappropriate and uncomfortable flirting by an older man to an underage girl*  
> Erin insists that Sam and Connor need to 'define the relationship'.  
> Specifically, their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated <3

Chapter Eighteen: Cue Shameless Theme:  
What happened with Connor may have made Sam happy and beaming for a little while, but that doesn't mean that his meds don't take a bad toll on him, later on.  
He breathes shakily, nervously twisting the knob of the downstairs closet. Now hyperventilating, he takes his hand away and leans against the door with both palms that are now sweating.  
"What happened?" Ken asks, taking notice and slowly walking towards him.  
"These meds are never gonna work on me" Sam  claims, taking his hands off of the door and turning towards him.  
"You don't know that. It's been, what, three weeks? You can't just expect them to start working right away." Ken starts Sam's left shoulder in comfort.  
"But..." He trails off, bursting into tears. Ken can only hug him, and shush him comfortingly. "It's okay. It's gonna take time." He whispers to him.  
"I can't go to the game tonight" Sam announces, breaking free from the hug and sacredly looking at Ken. "I can't take all the noise and stimulation...I jury can't." He whines.  
"That's fine. He'll understand." Ken reassures. "I would not worry about him getting mad at you."  
Sitting down on the floor, he sets him down in his lap.  
"I really wanted to see him and Erin-th-though-" he stutters, hiccuping sounding breaths repeatedly leaving his mouth.  
Ken rubs his back, setting Sam's head onto his chest. "You can see him over the weekend, bud. It's okay..." He whispers.  
"He seems to really like you." He finally brings the subject up, causing Sam to go dead silent. He slowly wipes the tears off of his now flushed cheeks.  
"Yeah...It's strange."  
"What do you mean?"  
"It's just; I dunno. I've never really had anyone like me before like he does. I don't know what he sees in me."  
"I can think of a few good reasons" Ken mutters, kissing the top of his head.  
"He's a good kid, Sam. And so are you."  
Sam nods. "Why me, though?" He continues. "I mean, he's this _great, great_ guy, and...He likes _me_."  
"When did he tell you?"  
"He didn't have to. Upstairs, he...He kissed me. Kind of. But...It felt like fireworks were going off in my stomach. The good kind."  
Ken chuckles, wrapping his arms around him.  
"Well you seem like much more than a rebound, Sammy."  
He blushes. "So, you don't care that I like him?"  
"I'd rather you be dating him than some whore." Ken admits.  
" _Dad_!"  
•••  
Jeanette gives Connor and Erin permission to go out for dinner, after the game concludes.  
"I hope Sammy's okay." Says Erin, remembering the text she had gotten from him before the game started, saying he was too mentally deprived to make it. "Yeah..." Connor blushes just at the sound of his name.  
Erin smirks. "You know, he told me something else." She teases, as they enter the diner they plan to eat at.  
"What's that...?" Connor wonders nervously, already knowing the answer.  
"That you couldn't keep your lips away from him."  
"He did not say that." Connor demands, making Erin cackle. They sit down across from each other at one of the many open booths, with a window view.  
"You know what I mean. I decided to put it into my own words." She teases.  
"Of course you did." He rolls her eyes, and she giggles. "Why do we tell you _anything_?" He smiles.  
Their waiter walks over to them, introducing themselves and taking their drink orders.  
After he walks away, giving them a few minutes to order their food, Erin grins at Connor again.  
"Why do you keep _smiling_ at me Erin; _what_?" He smiles.  
"You love Sam."  
"I do not 'love' Sam."  
"Okay, fine; not _yet_. But soon you will 'cause you're gonna date and it's gonna be so magical!" She beams.  
He crinkles his forehead and chortles. "You know, you could focus on your own life."  
"Hey!" She yells in a smile, and he laughs.  
"So are you gonna D.T.R or not?" She demands.  
"D.T.R?"  
"'Define the relationship. Haven't you ever seen Awkward?"  
"No." He laughs.  
"Well when you see Sammy again, you gotta D.T.R. Do it before I lock you guys in a closet together, Stevens." She threatens.  
"Chill, Erin!" He smiles.  
The waiter comes back with their drinks, setting Connor's in front of him, first. When he sets down Erin's, he accidentally spills it onto her shirt, the stained water making her bra visible. "Oh! Sorry, sweetie" he apologizes, picking up the cup and handing her various napkins. "I'll get you a refill?" He suggests, staring at her bra. Connor cringes.  
"Uh, yeah, thanks..." Erin's beat red, clearly humiliated.  
The waiter walks away, and Connor gives him a suspicious gaze, as he walks back into the kitchen.  
"God, that was embarrassing" Erin mutters, Connor only able to nod in response.  
The waiter returns, giving Erin a new refilled cup. "That water didn't get you too wet, did it?" He asks.  
"Um, no. Thanks."  
"You guys ready to order?"  
"I'll go first." Connor purposely butts in. "Alright, let's start with you."  
Connor takes almost two minutes to order, purposely asking many questions and changing his mind many times, on purpose.  
Erin grins.  
"How about you?" The waiter finally looks at her, making her blush.  
"Um, I..." She scans the menu in a hurry. Too scared to even talk to him, a lump forms in her throat. "Want me to order for you?" Connor asks. She nods, showing him her menu and pointing to what she'd like.  
"She'll just have a salad with a side of ranch." He announces.  
"You sure that's all?" The waiter asks her.  
She nods.  
"You sure? You're so skinny."  
"She said that's all she wants." Connor retorts, the waiter frowning at the furious look in his eyes.  
"Alright. You have a nice boyfriend." He keeps his tone polite.  
"Um, he's-"  
"I'm lucky to have her." Connor interrupts, forcing a smile.  
Erin does the same, and the waiter nods. "I see. I'll be right out with your orders."  
Connor lets out an exhale of relief, when he finally walks away.  
"Erin...?" He looks at her, who's sulking out the window and is blinking away her tears.  
"I'm sitting next to you, alright?"  
He does as he stated, to make her more comfortable.  
"Thanks..." She whispers, continuing to look away.  
When he brings out their food, he sets both plates down at once.  
"Be careful. It's still very hot." He informs Connor, though is looking right at Erin.  
"I can handle it, thank you." Connor isn't playing games anymore, his tone shrill.  
"Do either of you need anything else-?"  
"We're fine."  
He walks away without another word.  
"You gonna eat?" He asks her lightly.  
"I'm not very hungry, anymore..."  
Eventually, Connor asks for the check.  
But the waiter doesn't exactly hand it to him.  
Erin almost falls out of her chair, reading what the waiter had written on it.  
**you should wait in the bathroom for a surprise, cutie.**  
"Connor..." She whispers. "What?" He takes the check, reading the note.  
Seeing their water standing nearby, he stands up and slams his palms onto the table.  
"Hey! Wanna tip?! Don't prey on underage girls, you sick _fuck_." He commands.  
"I have no idea what you're talking about-"  
" _Bullshit_ do I have to show what you wrote on the check-?!"  
"Do we have a problem here?" The manager finally gets involved, walking over to them.  
" _Yeah_ , we have a _problem_. Your waiter here is a fucking pervert. Look at this shit." Connor hands him the check, for him to read.  
"Jesus Christ, is this true?" The man asks in shock. "Why the fuck would I _lie_ about this shit?" Connor asks.  
"Connor, stop..." Erin whispers, wiping away sudden tears.  
"Maybe you should control your boyfriend" the waiter snaps to him.  
"Don't fucking talk to her. Why aren't you wearing a name tag? Don't want your victims knowing your _name_?" Connor sasses.  
"Sir, please keep your voice down. I can offer you a free dessert-" The manager offers. Connor guffaws bitterly.  
"Free dessert; yeah 'cause _that_ makes up for being fucking sexually victimized."  
"Connor! Stop it, okay?!" Erin yells.  
He grumbles, taking out the forty dollars Jeanette gave to him, and hands it to the manager.  
"Let's go. Now."  
He takes Erin's hand, and they run the hell out of there.  
•••  
"Seriously; what kind of dumbass writes that kinda message on an underaged girls check? If he doesn't get fired, then I'll _set_ him on fire. I'll write a bad review on Yelp. That's what I'll do. I'll knock his brains out. That is if he _has_ any." While waiting for Jeanette to pick them up outside the Target, that's all the way across the shopping center and far away from the diner, Connor continues ranting to Erin about what had happened.  
"Connor, I appreciate your raging anger, but the solution is to just not go back there again." She tells him, still shaken up about everything.  
"But-"  
She shushes him. "Silence. Let's talk about something else. Like your boyfriend." She smirks at him.  
"He's not my boyfriend..." He's blushing again.  
"Yet."  
"Should we tell him about what happened?"  
" _No_. He'll lose it. It's not worth the stress...Thanks for sticking up for me."  
"Of course..."  
"I can't believe that guy pulled that shit with me. This is karma. This is karma for me not paying attention to what's his name." Erin insists.  
"You mean Jeremy?"  
"Yeah, him."  
•••  
The last thing Erin says to Connor in the car, before getting dropped off at her house, is that he better D.T.R with Sam.  
He promises to do so.  
"What's D.T.R, hon'? Is that something to with sex?" Jeanette asks him skeptically, on the way back to their house.  
" _No_ , Mom."  
"Well whatever it is, you better do it. You promised her."  
Except Sam and Connor don't 'define the relationship'.  
In fact, they completely ignore what had happened, that day in Sam's room. Acting like it never happened. But that doesn't stop them from having many questionable moments.  
May 27th:   
Not planning to go to sleep anytime soon, the three of them lock themselves in Erin's room, eating Chinese food and listening to pop songs from the last twenty years.  
"We should go out to breakfast somewhere, tomorrow." Sam suggests to them, taking a bite of his egg roll.  
"That diner, around the corner in Slidell, I heard that's really good."  
Connor almost spits out his sesame chicken.  
"Um...How about iHop...?" Erin suggests.  
"But I thought you loved the diner!" Sam raises his voice with confusion.  
"Um, I dunno I guess I just-"  
"Listen Sam..." Connor starts. "What's going on?" Sam asks, frowning at them.  
"When Connor and I went there last Friday after the game, some older waiter just kept on hitting on me. It's no big deal." Erin plays it off slyly.  
" _What_?!"  
"Don't worry. I took care of it. Sort of. I pretended to be her boyfriend and gave him a piece of my mind." Connor informs.  
Sam sighs dramatically. "Why didn't you guys tell me?" He orders.  
" _This_ is why. You look like you wanna track him down and kill him." Erin turns irritable.  
"That's because I _do_!" Sam yells, angrily biting his egg roll.  
"You're not the only one" Connor mutters.  
"Yeah. You should've seen _Connor_. He looked like he was gonna turn into The Hulk." Erin adds.  
"Really?" He smiles, grinning.  
"Quit being such a nerd." Erin tells him.  
"What did his guy look like?" Sam asks tightly. "White. About five-eight. Short brown hair, brown eyes. Looked like he was in his mid-twenties." Erin describes him.  
"Well if I ever see him I'll kick his ass" Sam declares.  
"Sam, there's a lot of tall white guys with brown eyes and hair, out there." Connor says.  
"Well that's too bad for them, then." Sam doesn't care about the flaw in his promise, making Connor laugh.  
"Idiots" Erin mutters.  
•••  
May 28th:  
Around three a.m, Sam wakes Connor up. Erin sleeps in her bed, while the boys sleep next to each other in the floor with a shared blanket, and two pillows.  
"Connor?" He whispers, shaking him lightly. He repeats his name just a bit louder, when he doesn't receive a response.  
"Hm?" Connor asks, rapidly blinking his eyes. His body fills with warmth, once he sees that Sam's sitting above him. "What's wrong?"  
"Did you hear that?"  
"Hear what?"  
"That noise."  
"I didn't hear a noise..."  
"I thought I did. Sounded like glass, or something. Breaking glass." Sam slurs his words, due to exhaustion.  
"I'm sure it was just in your imagination, Sammy."  
"Then that means I'm crazy."  
"No, it means you were probably dreaming. C'mere."  
Face lighting up, Sam moves closer to him.  
Their legs wrap together, toes touching.  
Connor rubs one of his toes against Sam's, making them both smile.  
Sam finally tightly wraps his arms around him, resting one hand on Connor's stomach, and the other below his right side.  
Giggling, Connor breathes out, "Geez, Sammy."  
"I'm a very affectionate person" Sam smiles, nuzzling his face into Connor's shoulder.  
"Yeah. I can tell."  
"Is...This okay?"  
"Couldn't be more perfect."  
•••  
The next morning, Erin insists on going to the diner where the 'incident' happened, to no end.  
"You sure, Erin?" Connor asks unsurely, the three of them standing up in her room, still unprepared for the day.  
"But iHop actually sounds pretty good!" Sam chirps.  
"Well too bad! You're the one that suggested the diner, and _I_ wanna go, so we're going!" She demands stubbornly.  
"Fine. But if I see that guy there again then I _am_ kicking his ass." Connor declares, pointing a finger at her.  
"Don't _count_ on it."  
•••  
Instead of getting a waiter that Erin feels totally victimized towards, they get an even younger waiter, that she thinks is extremely cute.  
"My name is Aaron and I'll be your server today; can I start you guys off with some drinks?"  
' _This one has a name'_ she thinks. "Ummmmm..." She trails off.  
The boys, who are sitting across from her in the same booth, blankly stare at her.  
"I'll just have some OJ, please. Not OJ Simpson. Ya know, orange juice." She tells Aaron, making the boys give each other confused looks.  
"Um, alright..." Aaron chuckles lightly, writing that down.  
After Sam and Connor order, Erin watches Aaron walk away.  
"Really Erin? OJ Simpson?" Is all Connor can ask. She shushes them.  
"So, last week you had a waiter who should be on a sex offenders website, and now you're all gaga for this one?" Sam asks.  
"He's in _high school!_ And _cute_! Plus, our names are _really_ similar. It's a match made in heaven!" She whispers.  
Sam snorts.  
Seeing Aaron come back with their drinks, Erin shushes them.  
"We didn't say anything..." Says Connor.  
She shushes them again.  
"Here's your OJ Simpson" Aaron jokes, setting Erin's drink down in front of her.  
She laughs just a little too loudly.  
The boys can only look away.  
•••  
When the teens are almost done eating their food, a man, that looks scarily similar to the same waiter that messed with Erin, walks inside the diner.  
Sam almost drops his fork, when he sees him. Remembering the description Erin gave him, he clenches his teeth.  
" _Hey_!" He yells, slamming his fork down onto the table and standing up.  
Both Erin and Connor stare at him with bewilderment.  
Aaron, who's walking out of the kitchen with another plate of food to serve, stops in his tracks and looks over at him.  
"You think it's funny to prey on underage girls?!" Sam yells to the man, who looks terrified and is obviously puzzled.  
"What's going on?" Aaron asks, hastily walking over to them while trying not to drop the food.  
"Sam, that's not-" Erin begins.  
" _C'mere_!" Sam screams, sprinting towards the guy, pushing Aaron away and causing him to drop the plate full of food, in the process.  
Glass shatters everywhere, bits of food sticking to the floor.  
Realizing the scene he's caused, Sam freezes, awkwardly looking around the room.  
The man who's _not_ the creepy waiter looks like he's about to pass out, Aaron's mouth is dropped open, and Connor and Erin can only stare at Sam with petrified looks in their eyes.  
"That's not the guy...?" Sam asks them, slowly looking over at him, seeing he's now backed up against the wall.  
"That's not the guy..." Connor whispers.  
"I'm gonna have to ask you three to leave..." Aaron finally speaks up.

 

 


	19. Oops...! I Did It Again:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor decides to take Sam with him to Adam's, so he can feel comfortable on the weekend visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to stop naming chapters after pop songs

Chapter Nineteen: Oops...! I Did It Again:   
June 11th:  
Connor, Sam and Erin all meet up at the end of the field, where their eighth grade graduation ceremony was held.  
They had abandoned their caps, now only wearing their gowns.  
"We did it guys; oh my gosh isn't this _such_ a milestone in our lives?" Erin sarcastically gushes, making the boys laugh.  
"Seriously; this is so stupid. I get high school and college graduation ceremonies, but middle school is just dumb. No one wants want to remember it." Connor rants, making Sam chuckle.  
Erin's smile turns forced, eyes roaming away from the two of them. "What's wrong...?" Sam asks her. "You know how I'm supposed to see my grandma?" She asks, looking at them.  
"Yeah?" Connor asks.  
"Well I will. But, the trip got extended to three weeks."  
"What?" The boys ask in sync.  
"Well wh-when are you leaving?" Sam asks in desperation. "This Friday..."  
"Well that doesn't mean you won't get back until, like, mid-July..." Connor does the Math.  
"I wish I could get my parents to shorten it, but my grandma's getting older and they want me to spend time with her..." She explains.  
"Yeah..." Is all Sam can say, now looking down at the grass and blinking back tears. He can't wrap his head around the thought of not seeing Erin for three straight weeks.  
"Sam..." Connor starts, noticing he's upset.   
"I gotta go..." They watch him run away, and Connor studies the heartbroken look on Erin's face. "I'll go talk to him...We're both gonna really miss you, Erin."   
"I know. I'll miss you guys too..."  
They give each other a long, meaningful hug, before Connor runs off to find Sam.  
"Hey..." He finds him sitting alone, on an entirely different empty area of the field.  
"Hey..." Sam stands up, turning around and looking at Connor.  
He notices the tears covering his red and broken face.  
"Aw, Sammy..." He walks over and touches his shoulder.  
"We'll still have time with her. You two can even spend some time alone. I don't mind-"  
"Don't be silly; we don't want to leave you out...You're sweet, though. It's just gonna be hard...Not seeing her. I don't think we've ever been separated for that long."  
Connor nods, thinking about how desperately and bitterly he missed Jude, when he first arrived here.   
Now he only thinks about how much of a distant memory he is. And how fast it took for things to end up the way they did.  
Tears burn his ears, and he focuses his attention back on Sam. "I'm sorry..." He quickly wipes them away with a quiet sigh.  
"Hey, uh..." This makes Sam look into his eyes.  
"My Mom's been bugging me about visiting my Dad for one weekend..."  
"Oh..."   
"I was wondering, if, uh, maybe you'd wanna come?"  
"Like, stay at your Dad's with you?"  
"Only if you're comfortable. It's just for three days..."  
Face turning bright red, Sam's eyes slowly light up. "Um-y-yeah that'd be-that's be nice...What weekend are you planning to go?"  
"I don't know yet. But the drive up there is just a bit under two hours. My Mom's gonna drive me...Our parents can talk about it and see if they're okay with it. I'd just really like you to be there with me." Connor explains, making Sam smile.  
"Really?"   
"Yeah...I'm not exactly on the best terms with my Dad, and...You make me feel safe." He admits.  
Sam's smile grows bigger. Happy tears roll down his face.  
"You make me feel safe too..."  
Witnessing Connor smile back, he initiates longest hug they've ever had.   
•••  
After the boys bring up the notion to their parents that same night, Ken and Jeanette talk it out. Ken only reminds her of Sam's diagnosis numerous times.  
They agree that she'll drive them to Adam's on the day of June twenty fourth, and Adam will drive them back Monday morning.  
They both know that Sam will get through his symptoms, and Connor will get through the anxiety he experiences around his Dad; because the boys have each other.  
Jeanette calls Adam and informs him about the idea. While he might prefer Connor to show up alone, he also wants him to be comfortable as possible.  
•••  
June 16th:  
"Here's your OJ Simpson" Connor teases Erin, handing her the same bottle of orange juice she requested from the nearby deli, they and Sam are eating at. "Shut _up_!" She smiles, just as Sam cackles. "I can't believe you're leaving tomorrow" he whines, hugging her right side.   
"Oh, it's fine. You guys will be too _busy_ in San Diego to remember me" she jokes.  
"No we won't" Connor smiles, hugging her from the left side.  
"Okay, okay both of you get off me" she smiles, making the boys laugh and obey.  
"Erin?"   
She looks over, and almost falls out of her chair at the sight.  
"Aaron?"  
"Yeah...Hey." He flashes a genuine smile. "What are you doing here?" She asks.   
"Getting a bite to eat." He chuckles at her question.  
"Oh, yeah yeah yeah. Me too. Since we can't go to the diner anymore because of _somebody_ -" she glares at Sam, making him cringe in offense.  
"We've decided to move onto...Delis."  
"Cool. What are you doing for the summer?"  
"Uh-uh I'm visiting my grandma for three weeks. And, ya know, other fun stuff." She answers, smiling goofily.  
"Sounds fun. Um, maybe we can text, since you'll be gone awhile." He suggests.  
Sam and Connor raise their eyebrows.  
"Uh-uh-yeah that'd be cool...! Here is uhhhh..." She scrambles around for a napkin, before feeling the table for a pen.  
"Do you have a pen?" She nervously asks Sam.  
"Why would I have a _pen_?"  
Connor snickers at his response, just as their waitress walks over to their table to check on them. "How is everything?" She smiles, still holding her own pen and notepad.  
" _Dazzling_! Can I borrow that? Thanks." She takes her pen from her, hastily writing it down on the napkin and giving it to Aaron.   
"There ya go."   
"Thanks. See ya Erin." He flashes another smile, before walking away.  
"'Dazzling'?" Connor whispers to Sam, who only shrugs in confusion.  
"Ooohh, girl, you gotta watch out with him." The waitress insists to Erin, putting two and two together. "He seems like a fuckboy" Sam blabs. "He is _not_!"   
"What do you even know about him?" Connor tests.   
"I know that he has a similar name to mine."  
They roll their eyes at her.  
"Can I have my pen back...?" The waitress asks her.  
•••  
June 24th:  
Ken rechecks Sam's bag to make sure he has his medication bottle, over five times.  
"I have it, Dad. Don't worry." Sam glumly informs, standing next to him in their driveway, arms crossed.  
"Okay, okay; just checking." Ken hands him his bag, full of everything he needs for the weekend trip. "I know you have a habit of losing things, that's all."  
Sam scoffs, but automatically beams afterwards, seeing Jeanette and Connor pull up in their driveway.  
"Hey!" He smiles, running over to Connor once he sees him step out of the backseat of their car. "Hey" he smiles, stepping in front of him.  
"How are you?"  
"I'm good, thanks!" Sam's all smiles, now that he's around.   
"Hey Sam, how are you?" Jeanette walks over to him, after getting out of the car.  
"Good, thanks." He flashes a smile.   
She and Ken greet each other, as Connor offers to put Sam's bag in the trunk.  
"Sure, thanks." He smiles. Tuning out the conversation between his father and Jeanette, he studies Connor as he sets the bag into the trunk, closing it with a bang. Sam can't help but flinch.  
"Best behavior, alright?" Ken advises him, when they finally decide to leave a few minutes later.   
"Gotcha."   
After exchanging a hasty hug and casual 'I love you's, Ken thanks Jeanette once again, and the three of them get into the car.  
The boys sit in the backseat together, thighs and knees automatically touching.  
"Don't wanna sit in the front seat, Connor?" He hears Jeanette ask him. "No." He answers, making a highly flattered Sam smile at him.  
•••  
On the way there, the boys keep themselves busy. They joke around, share earbuds and listen to music, even watching a couple YouTube videos.  
After they stop at a fast food drive through, and Sam practically inhales the milkshake he hesitantly requested, they stop for gas.  
Car now turned off, Jeanette leaves them both in the backseat, to fill up the tank.  
Sam rapidly kicks his legs against his seat, making Connor giggle.  
"Your shake have an affect on you, Sammy?" He teases.  
"Yup" Sam smiles, grinning. Connor laughs.  
"Well you should probably use the bathroom 'cause you gulped that thing down fast." He advices with a smile.  
"Bitch please I ain't using no gas station bathroom."  
They laugh hysterically.  
"Some girl probably gave birth to her baby in there." Sam randomly blurts.  
"You never heard about that girl that gave birth to her baby and left it in a Burger King bathroom?" Connor smiles.  
"What, _no_! Jesus; why _Burger King?!_ That poor kid! It should've been Taco Bell."  
Connor snorts. "You're a fucking weirdo" he whispers, smiling at him and making Sam laugh.  
"I get that a lot. Did you see that My Strange Addiction where the lady was addicted to smelling gasoline?" He asks, now that they can smell the gas that's being pumped into the tank.  
"Oh my God" is all Connor can laugh.  
"Yeah! She kept gas in her house and just poured it in cups and smelt it every day. Whenever she would get gas with her daughter she'd be smelling the gas and the daughter would be like 'Mom, _stop_!'"  
That makes Connor laugh until his stomach hurts.  
"What the fuck do you watch on TV?" He smiles.  
"Let's see..." He starts, looking into space and making Connor giggle. "Oh geez" he whispers.  
"My Strange Addiction, My Six Hundred Pound Life, The Kardashians, Wife Swap, Nanny Nine One One, and Dance Moms."  
"You watch the weirdest shit" Connor laughs, making Sam laugh along with him.   
"Like, what the hell is the deal with Dance Moms?" He asks.  
"It's _entertaining shit._ Abby Lee Miller is my _queen_ , that Maddie bitch is my _queen_ -"  
Connor interrupts him with another laugh.  
"Ah, you make me laugh." He smiles.  
Smiling in return, Sam taps his nose. Connor giggles.  
"Weirdo."  
•••  
Near the end of the ride, just minutes away from Adam's house, Connor continues to watch Sam, who's fast asleep and leaning on him.  
Admiring his touch, Connor smiles.  
"That shake must've knocked him out." Jeanette amusingly observes.  
"Yeah." He chuckles, going back to studying Sam's expressionless face.   
"It was nice of you to invite him." Jeanette continues.  
"Yeah..." He blushes, trying to shut down his feelings.  
Except he can't. ' _Is this happening too fast? It's only been three months since the incident. But I've known Sam since January. Do I even know him well enough? I know he's weird and vulnerable and funny and insecure. And that he makes me feel all nervous and giddy inside.'_ He thinks to himself, trying not to panic.  
' _I trust him. He's so fucking sweet. But I don't want to get hurt again. He's just gonna hurt me. I'm gonna hurt him. We're too young. Does he even like me like I like him? Holy shit I like him. FUCK.'_  
"Connor?"  
"Y-Yeah?" He looks over at his mother, now sweating like crazy.   
"You alright?"  
"Yeah. Just...Thinking." His stomach twists with knots.   
When they pull up into Adam's driveway, Connor lightly shakes Sam awake.  
"Sammy we're here." He whispers lightly. Sam jumps up, breathing heavily and looking around in a sheer panic.  
"Hey. Hey. Don't worry. We're at my Dad's." Connor puts his hand on his wrist to comfort him.  
"Sorry. I just get...Really startled." Sam confesses.   
"Oh, don't apologize."  
Sam unbuckles Connor's seatbelt for him, making them both smile.  
•••  
Adam happily greets the three of them, after seeing them outside in the driveway and walking out. "How you been?" He asks Connor.  
"Good."  
"That's good." He turns to Sam. "Nice to see you again, Sam."  
"You too" he smiles at him, surprised when Adam actually shakes his hand.  
A woman with long strawberry blonde hair, wearing nothing a black tank top and a pair of booty shorts, walks out of the house.  
Jeanette and the boys take notice, freezing with confusion.  
"Um, guys, this my girlfriend Mandy. Mandy this is my son Connor, his friend Sam, and Connor's mother who's dropping them off."  
Adam introduces them all.   
"Oh, yes! Nice to finally meet you, Connor." Mandy looks at Sam with a genuine smile.  
"I'm Connor..." Awkwardly states himself.  
"Oh, right; of course nice to meet you." Mandy looks at him.  
"She's not wearing a bra..." Sam noticeably whispers to Connor, when Jeanette's awkwardly introducing herself.   
"I can see that..." Connor whispers back, focusing on the fact that she looks much younger than Adam.  
"Um, how old are you?" Jeanette finally decides to ask her.   
"Twenty nine."  
"Well I should get going." She finally decides to get the hell back to L.A.  
After giving the boys their bags, she gives them both quick hugs, and speeds off in her car.  
The four of them now standing alone and exchanging awkward glances, Adam clears his throat. "So, um, how about you guys get your things settled and we can get something to eat?" He suggests.  
"Okay" Connor answers, as Sam nods.  
"Well, you boys have fun. I gotta get back to the house and feed the bird." Mandy announces.  
She and Adam say their goodbyes, before she takes out her phone and orders an uber.  
"We should get inside..." Sam whispers to Connor.  
•••  
"She looks...Young..." Sam timidly shares to Connor, once they're inside the house and in the spare downstairs guest room, setting down their bags.   
"Whatever. She doesn't seem too weird." Connor figures, shrugging.  
"Um, should we like, share the bed...?" Sam asks, cheeks flushing as he points to the one and only twin sized bed in the room.  
"Um..." Connor blushes as well, blinking on the thought. "I can sleep on the end. If that'll make you more comfortable." He offers.  
"Okay." Sam forces an awkward chuckle, face turning even redder.   
They shyly grin at each other, not knowing how to get red of the uneasy subject.  
•••  
Adam agrees to take them both to Wendy's.   
"So then my Mom became an alcoholic, but it ended up okay because she died from heroin a year later." Sam amusingly overshares to Adam, the two of them sitting across from each other at one of the restaurant tables.  
He could've chosen any other conversation starter to pass time while Connor's in the bathroom.  
"Ah...How...Brutal..." Is all Adam can say, trying to be nice, raising his eyebrows and slowly nodding.  
Returning with a smile, Connor sits back down next to Sam.  
"Everything good?" He asks.   
"Uh, how's your food?" Adam avoids the answer.   
"Good."  
"I really want ketchup." Sam announces, getting up and walking over to the condiments table.  
Purposely, Connor turns in his chair and chooses to watch.  
"Sam's a good kid." Adam decides to speak. Shocked, Connor focuses his eyes back to him.  
"Yeah. He is..."  
"Very outgoing."  
As Connor nods in response, Sam comes back with what he needed.  
Connor and Adam make quick eye contact. Embarrassed and shy, Connor blinks and stares down at his food.   
For Adam, his son's feelings are on full display.  
•••  
The boys stay up half the night in the guest room, texting Erin and just goofing around with each other.  
"Tell her to tell Aaron that he's a fuckboy" Connor jokes, telling Sam what to say to Erin when she informed him that she and Aaron had been texting a lot.  
He laughs, typing so and sending it. Connor guffaws, again.  
"We should watch Dance Moms" Sam jokingly suggests.  
"We should go to sleep" Connor suggests back, and they both laugh.  
"Oh my God; but seriously. All the Moms', _hate_ Abby. And Abby can't deal with their shit. There was this one episode where one of them was like 'I heard you called us all trash?' And Abby's just like: 'yeah'."   
Connor laughs and shakes his head, watching Sam laugh hysterically, assuming he's thinking of the certain moment.  
"God, Sam!" He laughs, when he sees him almost fall over.  
"You're a dork." He smiles to him.  
"A dork that loves shitty reality shows." Sam corrects, and Connor laughs so hard that he can't breathe.  
•••  
When they finally decide to head to sleep, they turn off the lights and get under the covers. Connor sleeps at the top of the bed, and Sam at the edge.  
"Did you take your medicine?" Connor asks, not even two minutes into trying to get some shut eye.  
"No." He hears Sam mumble.  
"Sam, you gotta take it." He sits up, staring down at him.  
"I'll be fine."  
"No, you _won't_! Hold on." He grumbles, getting up and finding Sam's bag on the floor.  
He scrambles to find his medication bottle inside, holding it up when he finally does.  
"Here."   
He walks over, and gets a half filled Gatorade bottle off of the dresser.   
He makes Sam sit up, sticking the drink in his hand.  
"How many do you usually take? Five?" He asks, opening the bottle. "Yeah..."  
He sticks five small pills into Sam's free palm, and makes sure to stare him down.  
Sam sighs, throwing the pills under his tongue, and washing them down his throat with the Gatorade.  
"Viola."  
"Now was _that_ so hard?" Connor asks, screwing the cap back onto the bottle and putting it away. He sets the Gatorade down on the right night side table.  
"No..."  
"I care about you, Sam. You should know that by now." He lays down in the same spot he was sleeping in.  
Sam stares at him, making sure to breathe quietly.  
He could be bitter about having to take his medication, and could get mad at Connor for just being a good friend...  
Or he could appreciate it and not take it for granted.  
Connor opens his eyes and smiles, right when he feels Sam snuggle against him. A small kiss is planted upon his left shoulder.   
Connor's smile only turns bigger.  
"Sweet dreams, Connor."   
Quiet seconds pass, as Connor decides to figure out what to say next.  
"I'm already having them."  
Sweet dreams indeed.


	20. Prove Yourself:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter in the fic, so far. Have fun going insane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU THAT STUMBLE UPON THIS FIC.

Chapter Twenty: Prove Yourself;  
June 25th:  
Late that morning, face turning pale, and stomach twisting in knots, Connor almost spits out his orange juice at the suggestion his father brings up.  
"How about a beach day? There's a food truck, and it's not too hot today."  
Connor deprives himself from shock, rapidly blinking his eyes. "Uh-" he looks over at Sam, who's sitting next to him.  
"That sounds cool. My Dad made me bring a pair of swim trunks." He shrugs, not seeing why not.  
"Yeah..." Connor hesitantly agrees, sweat beading down his forehead.  
"Sounds good. Say, leave in a half hour?" Adam asks.  
Sam nods in amusement, the same time Connor answers a simple yes.  
•••  
After breakfast, the two boys stand outside of the guest bedroom in awkward silence, while Adam occupies himself in the garage. Seeing that Sam's intensely focused on his phone at the moment, Connor decides to speak.  
"Hey, um-"  
"Wait wait c'mere. Come look at Erin's response to when I told her I was drinking OJ Simpson." He interrupts Connor, grinning down at the his phone.  
"Now is not the time." Connor states irritably, taking Sam's phone away from him.  
Gawking, Sam looks over at him and smiles; thinking he's playing around.  
"My Dad's been acting-" Connor pauses. "Weird."  
"Weird how? He's been nice."  
" _Exactly_. Remember when I told you all that crap he did and said to me? He's like, a _whole_ different _person_. I haven't seen him have _one_ drink."  
"That's a good thing, though. I mean, besides the younger girlfriend, he seems to be doing pretty good. He's changed."  
"But what if he _hasn't_ , though? What if it's just an act, because _you're_ here..." He worries.  
"When I first met him, he had no problem trying to make me feel unwelcome. Now, he's been really nice. You should talk to him. See where it goes." Sam speaks warmly.  
"I think maybe you two can finally have a good relationship Connor. Don't miss the opportunity."  
Connor nods at his advice. "I will. Thank you Sammy."  
Sam smiles at him. "Of course. I'm gonna change real quick. You going to?"  
This was one of the reasons why Connor does not want to go through with this beach idea.  
"Uh-uh yeah! Go ahead. Go crazy."  
Instantly, he's blushing at the last two words that left his mouth.  
Sam chuckles. "Yeah; I'll make sure to actually jump into the trunks when I put them on." He jokes, making Connor laugh.  
Now he knows how Erin felt when she first met Aaron, comparing the two moments.  
' _Except I've already known Sam for six months. I've liked him since April, and **now** I act like this? What is **wrong** with me?_ ' He thinks.  
In awe, he watches him enter the guest room, biting his bottom lip after Sam closes and locks the door.  
Adam returning into the house, makes him jump and spin around, a frightened gasp leaving his mouth.  
"Hey." Adam greets, making eye contact from the kitchen.  
"Hey..." Connor walks forward into the kitchen.  
"You alright?" Adam actually looks, and sounds like he's concerned. His instincts are able to tell that something's not right.  
"Yeah..." Connor lies. "I'm fine."  
When Sam walks out now wearing his swim trunks a few short minutes later, Connor's palms sweat.  
Sam may not have abs, but that doesn't mean he's not skinny, either.  
Face red and erection rising, Connor has to sit down at one of the bar stools.  
"You gonna change, Connor?" Adam asks.  
"Yep..."  
"I thought about getting you a pair of speedos, but I figured you'd prefer trunks." He jokes, purposely trying to embarrass him.  
He succeeds.  
"Ha-ha, Dad." He's blushing even harder now, trying not to show his bulge as he stands up.  
Sam-who's usually oblivious to most things-may not notice it, but Adam certainly does.  
•••  
Sam has to admit that when he saw Connor in nothing but bating suit bottoms, he got a little noticeably flustered as well.  
He's seen him without a shirt on before, hell, he's even seen him in just his underwear, but every time a moment like that comes along, he seems to get more and more aroused.  
He and Connor are questioning whether they should be surprised or not, when Adam announces that Mandy will be joining them.  
"Hey boys" she smiles, after walking into the house, wearing nothing but a small black bikini on her body, and shades over her eyes.  
"We ready?"  
Connor doesn't know what makes him cringe more. The fact that Sam is staring, or the fact that _Adam_ is staring.  
This is hardest he's ever prayed to himself, in a long time.  
He can only hope that they'll be answered.  
•••  
The four of them now spreading out towels and blankets on the beach sand, Mandy reminds the men about sunscreen.  
Eager to get in the water, Sam vigorously rubs some over his arms, legs, on his stomach, and lightly on his face.  
Connor chuckles at his enthusiasm.  
"You should get your back, too." Mandy reminds him.  
The question of who's going to rub the lotion on his back, sits in the air.  
"I can do it" Connor offers, unable to hold his tongue.  
"Okay..." Sam forces a chuckle, trying not to sound awkward or embarrassed.  
Connor enjoys rubbing it on his back just a little too much.  
Sam can only stand there with a red face, and bitten down bottom lip.  
Connor can already feel another erection making its way up, so he forces himself to stop, and step back.  
Adam tries not to snicker out of entertainment.  
"You should put some on too." He pipes up, making Connor freeze.  
"Want me to put it on you?" He offers, making the knots in Connor's stomach untie.  
"I can do it" Mandy proudly offers, making Sam cringe.  
"Uhhhh I think I'm just gonna let my Dad do it..."  
•••  
Connor and Sam don't go too deep into the water. They splash each other and swim around, almost laughing and smiling almost the whole time. Not wanting to get their faces or hair soaked, they stop when the water is just above their waists.  
Sam looks at him. "Hey, Connor, can I ask you something?"  
"Uh-uh yeah...!"  
His heart is faster than the waves that crash by. He tries to control his breathing.  
"Do you want to get something to eat?"  
Connor almost loses his balance.  
"Yeah! I can eat." He smiles at him.  
"Cool" Sam smiles, lightly punching his shoulder. Connor giggles.  
'Oh my God he's going to be the death of me.'  
•••  
Adam gives them ten dollars each, and the boys walk all the way up to the snack bar. "Do you know what you're gonna get?" Connor asks Sam, before they notice the line to wait.  
"I dunno. Prices shouldn't be that bad." Sam figures, stepping in the back of the line with him.  
Connor nods. "Yeah. Don't get a shake again; we know how those make you." He teases him, smirking.  
Sam laughs. "Don't worry, weirdo. I won't." He smiles.  
A man walking nearby that happens to be holding a beer bottle, catches his eye.  
"Sam...?" Connor asks, noticing he's now depressingly staring into space.  
He flinches, instantly looking back into his eyes.  
"Sorry. Seeing stuff like that makes me-" he pauses. "Zone out for a bit. But-but it could be worse. If I weren't on my meds I _defiantly_ would've made a scene."  
They move forward in the line.  
"Thank you _so_ much for making me taking them last night, by the way. I'm sorry I was being stubborn. I get like that. Dylan and my Dad's had to do that with me before. I'm sorry that I get so bitchy about it..." He explains.  
"Oh, hey-no no. I get it. Don't...Apologize. I just want you to take care of yourself." Connor assures.  
Sam grins at him. "Thanks...I'm trying to. You're...You're _really_ strong. When things with you know who happened, you were so depressed and I felt awful. But...You picked yourself up. After going through _all_ that." Sam's amazed.  
"Well, I had help." Connor smiles to him, and Sam does the same back.  
•••  
They get hotdogs and sodas, which Connor happens to drink a little too much of, after only three minutes of sitting down at one of the tables several feet from the bar.  
"Be right back. Don't eat my hot dog." Connor jokes, standing up.  
"I have my own!" Sam smiles back, making Connor laugh.  
With intrigued eyes, Sam studies him walk away. In denial, he takes a rough bite of his food.  
Swallowing the bite he chewed, a girl that looks to be his age, with long brown hair, tan skin, and a pink bikini, walks up to him.  
He stares at you. "Are you lost?" He can't think of any other reason to why she would be approaching him.  
"No." She giggles.  
"Uh, he's not available." He assumes she's here for Connor.  
"I wasn't focused on him. I was focused on you."  
He almost bursts out laughing. "Wow, um, that's a new one...Um, thank you, I'm really flattered."  
When Connor walks out and witnesses what's happening, he fumes.  
"But...I'm here with family, and..." He has no choice but to lie.  
"Well," she understands. "If you're ever not with your family, think about finding me." She bats her eyelashes, and walks back onto the beach.  
"Wow..." Connor speaks, walking back over and sitting down across from him.  
"I'm pretty sure she got paid to do that."  
"Sam, stop it. She _likes_ you." He tries to motivate him, though on the inside he'd do anything for him not to see her again.  
"And not you?"  
"What's that supposed to mean...?" Connor's eyes widen, blinking rapidly out of nervousness.  
Angrily biting his tongue, Sam thinks of how to explain himself.  
"What I mean is, you're you. And I'm _me_."  
"Don't make me drown you, Sam Montgomery."  
"Connor!" He laughs, receiving a devilish grin.  
"You're...You're too much." He smiles, continuing to laugh.  
"But--but, not a bad 'too much'. A good too much." He finishes.  
Eyes now beaming, Connor would have to say the same for Sam.  
•••  
"I heard you tell her you were with family..." Connor starts to him, the two of them walking back towards the ocean, after they've eaten their food.  
"Yeah." Sam confirms, stepping back into the water with him. They walk far out into the ocean, water already up to their necks.  
"Was that just the first thing that popped into your head?" Connor wonders, curious.  
"No. I mean, you're like my family." Sam speaks truthfully  
Physically and mentally, Connor is hit with a wave.  
"Connor!" Sam yells, desperately looking under the water.  
He pops back up in front of Sam, gasping for breath and worriedly looking around.  
"You alright?!" Sam asks, grabbing Connor's shoulders and making him look at him.  
"Yeah...I'm fine." He breathes out.  
"You sure?"  
"I'm fine. Seriously." He now speaks normally, continuing to catch his breath. He smiles at him.  
"You sure you're alright?" Sam makes sure again, giving him dedicated eyes.  
"I'm good. Seriously. Ummm..."  
He needs to find a way to admit him feelings. "Do you want to take a walk?" He suggests, hoping to admit them then.  
"Yeah, that'd be nice." Sam smiles.  
Even his smile makes Connor's stomach drop.  
•••  
"How about we get a picture of you guys, real quick?" Adam suggests, after the boys walk back over to him and Mandy on the shore.  
"I can take it." She proclaims, focused on getting a tan.  
So the boys put their spare shirts back on, and step closer next to each other.  
"Say 'beach day'!" Mandy smiles, lining her phone in front of them.  
They don't.  
Instead, they put their arms around each other and grin.  
"Perfect!" She smiles, after the picture is taken.  
They separate, as Mandy shows the picture to Adam.  
"That's really good; send that to me." He tells her.  
Now standing inches away beside each other, the boys look at each other and smile.  
•••  
Instead of going for a walk like they planed, they agree to go back to the house, like Adam and Mandy requested.  
On the way back home, Adam forwards the picture onto Connor, who decides to post it on his Facebook. He simply captions it 'beach day with Sammy', and tags his location.  
"You are now my profile picture" he smiles to Sam, showing him that he had also decided to change it to the said picture of them.  
Sam smiles, yet also cringes.  
"Why would you want people to know you're hanging out with trash?" He smiles.  
"Sam! _Stop_!" Connor commands, though is also smiling.  
"Aw, don't say that; you're a good looking kid" Mandy tries to motivate him, as she takes selfies in the passenger's seat.  
Not exactly agreeing, Sam only shrugs.  
"I agree" Connor loudly pipes up, making sure to look right into his eyes.  
The blatant redness on his Sam's face makes him smirk.  
•••  
That night, things are still going well. After dinner is eaten, Sam asks if he can use the downstairs shower.  
While setting his dishes in the sink, Connor almost drops his fork.  
Adam says yes, and Sam thanks him before walking into the guest room to get himself a change of clothes.  
Adam and Mandy stare at Connor, who is guiltily in deep thought about where Sam will be next.  
He watches Sam walk past them, and down the hallway to find the bathroom, holding his ball of sweat pants and a gray t-shirt.  
Like expected, Connor gets an erection, when the shower is finally running when Sam is alone in the room.  
"What...?" He asks, noticing that Adam and Mandy are staring at him.  
"Nothing." Adam claims, and Connor closes himself inside the guest room to sort out his thoughts.  
To distract himself, he goes back on Facebook, to see that Erin commented ' **relationship goals** ', under the picture of he and Sam at the beach.  
Turning bright red and blushing, Connor like her comment.  
After scrolling through his feed for a bit, he tenses up when he notices Jude's profile as a suggestion, under the 'people you may know' list.  
Cringing, he's about to ex him out, until he notices his new profile picture.  
There stands Jude, with a boy Connor's never seen before.  
He's tall, and has slicked back brown hair, with dark eyes. He has no idea what the hell they're supposed to be wearing, but they look pretty happy standing next to each other.  
Face now red with anger and humiliation, Connor can't stop himself from going to Jude's profile.  
'In a relationship' reads his his relationship status.  
"What the fuck...?" Tears now burn Connor's eyes, before they head down his face.  
He exits Jude's profile, only to continue staring at his profile picture again.  
He stares at the screen so hard, that the light burns his eyes.  
He yells out, chucking his phone at the wall. He storms around the room, furiously scratching his face and messing up his hair.  
Shouting curses, he kicks the walls and breaks down into sobs.  
Adam comes rushing inside, almost gasping at the sight.  
"What happened; what's wrong?"  
"Just leave!" Connor commands, scowling at him. "Connor, what happened-"  
" _Nothing_! Get _OUT_!"  
Knowing Connor's not going to give in right now, Adam has no choice but to leave him alone.  
Crying even harder now, Connor climbs into his bed, burying himself under the covers and curling into a ball.  
•••  
Sam walks past Adam and Mandy, who sit in awkward silence at the kitchen table. "Everything alright?" Sam asks, noticing something's off. Hair now mostly dried, he wears the gray t-shirt and pair of sweatpants.  
"Connor's upset about something." Adam states.  
"What...?" Sam's puzzled. "I'll go see him..."  
He walks back into the guest room, not seeing him anywhere. "Connor?"  
He then notices him under the covers.  
"I'm not in the mood to talk..." He claims, before throwing the covers off himself. Sam notices his messy hair, stuffed nose, and red face.  
"What happened?" Sam asks, noticing his phone on the floor.  
"Jude has a new boyfriend..." Connor speaks lowly  
"What...?" The blood drains from Sam's face. "How'd you find out?" Sam asks, as he closes the door to the room.  
"Facebook...Him smiling with some new guy is his profile picture..."  
"Like yours?" Sam smirks, trying to lighten the mood. Connor scoffs. "Yeah..."  
"Well, you don't know that that's his boyfriend."  
"His profile says 'in a relationship'." Connor's bottom lip quivers. "Aw, Connor. Let me see it."  
He walks over and grabs his phone, bringing it back to Connor and sitting down next to him. Going to Jude's profile again, Connor shows Sam the picture.  
His reaction to scoff. " _Wow_. Seems like a rebound, to me."  
This makes Connor chuckle. "Thanks..." He wipes more tears.  
"He dumped you for _this_ guy? I mean, not saying that this guy isn't attractive or anything, but you're..." Sam decides to trail off, slowly smirking.  
"I'm what?" Connor smiles, knowing Sam was about to compliment him.  
"You're easy on the eyes." Sam expresses, smiling at him. This makes Connor giggle, his cheeks flushing again.  
"Not right now, I don't think. I look like shit." He claims.  
"No you don't...Listen..." He exhales slowly, preparing to say what he's about to say. He knows Connor already knows, but he wants it to be said in words.  
Connor's stomach drops, knowing he's going to say something important.  
"You're so important to me, Connor. You've helped me through a lot, and I'm glad that I've been able to help you through a lot.."  
Eyes watering, Connor knows what's about to be said.  
"I hate seeing you get like this. You'll move on...And...I have no problem with helping you do that."  
Connor can't stop gazing into Sam's eyes. Mouth dry, he has to remind himself to even breathe.  
Sam expects his reaction to be positive.  
"What's the point?" Is all Connor squeaks out.  
"W-what...?" Sam doesn't know how to respond.  
"I mean, we're _fourteen_ , Sam. What are we even trying to achieve, here? You're just gonna hurt me." He snaps.  
"Connor..." Sam speaks shyly. "I-I would never wanna hurt you."  
"But you're _going_ to. Everyone always just ends up hurting me. _Jude_ , my _Dad_..."  
"Connor your Dad's changed..."  
"You don't _know_ that! Quit acting like you _know that!_ Have you talked to him?! _No_! So quit _saying shit you don't know!_ " Connor screams to Sam, making him flinch.  
"Connor I-I know you're hurting...This has gotta be so hard. But you'll get over Jude."  
He's disappointed to think that Connor's never actually gotten over Jude, and was just making himself think that he likes him.  
"I _am_ over Jude, Sam! Isn't it _obvious_?! Have my feelings for you not been _obvious_?!" Connor demands.  
"If-If you like me then why don't you wanna be with me...?" Is Sam's million dollar question.  
"Let's face it, Sam. My parents marriage turned toxic. So did yours."  
Those last words make Sam's eyes water.  
"Jude basically _fell the fuck_ out of love with me. If he ever loved me in the _first_ _place_. My Dad and Mandy have no idea what the fuck _they're_ doing." Connor continues.  
Adam and Mandy, who just happen to be listening to this entire conversation while still in the kitchen, get quite offended by this.  
"What's the _point_ of this? What's the point of us? What's the point of even trying? I've _already_ gotten my heart broken. I _saw_ the hell my Mom went through during her divorce. You saw the hell your parents went through. The hell your Dad went through after she died."  
Sam's tears slowly go down his face.  
"Both of our parents turned each other toxic. I don't want us to turn each other toxic..." Connor resumes crying.  
"Connor, just because it couldn't work out for them doesn't mean it won't work out for us. Love doesn't always fail..." He reaches for his hand, trying to comfort him.  
" _Don't_ " Connor snaps, roughly taking his hand away.  
Sam flinches, more tears going down his face.  
"Connor..." He speaks weakly.  
"Just get away from me. Get out _now_."  
"But..." Sam stands up, legs shaking from fear.  
"Get _out_! I don't wanna see you right now! Why did I even _bring you here?!"_ Connor roars.  
That sends Sam over the edge. He cries even harder, finally learning that he's overstayed his welcome.  
Like Connor so harshly demanded, Sam leaves.  
•••  
"You know he didn't mean any of those things he said to you, right sweetie...?" Mandy asks Sam, back in the kitchen with Adam sitting by her side. He gives Sam a remorseful look.  
"I think I'm just gonna take a walk..."  
His voice continues to break. Finding his flip flops, he slips them on his feet. After finding his phone sitting on the countertop, he exits the house.  
Sitting at the edge of the porch and not knowing who else to go to, he calls Dylan.  
"How is everything?" Dylan greets him.  
"I wanna go home."  
"What? What happened?" Dylan can tell that he's crying.  
"Things just, aren't working out. Connor hates me."  
"Why on earth would you say a thing like that?"  
"It's _really_ hard to explain right now. Just please come get me. Please." Sam's voice cracks with emotion again, making Dylan's heart drop.  
"Sam...Are you sure..."  
"Just _please_ do this one thing for me...!"  
"I-Does his Dad know what's going on?"  
"Yeah...I...I just can't be here right now." Sam sniffles and wipes his tears.  
"What exactly happened with Connor?"  
"He just said he doesn't want me around. He found out Jude has this new boyfriend, and..."  
"Don't worry, Sam. He's just upset. He _didn't_ mean that. It's like when you get all pissed when you're grieving." Dylan tries to make a point.  
"Yeah..." He shrugs.  
"Still want me to pick you up?"  
"No, I'll just...Wait it out."  
"He'll come around, Sam."  
"I should probably go." Sam figures, wanting to walk out his stress.  
"Okay. Call me if you need _anything_ else. Alright?"  
"Okay...Thanks. Bye Dylan."  
They hang up. Jumping down onto the lawn, he begins walking.  
•••  
Within the next minutes of sulking and numbly ignoring everything, Connor comes to his senses.  
"Where's Sammy?" He asks Adam and Mandy, walking out into the kitchen.  
"He left." Adam answers.  
"What?"  
"Said he was gonna take a walk." Mandy clarifies. "Shit" Connor whispers, and Adam sits up. "Can I talk to you for a second?"  
Connor turns pale. "Sure..."  
Mandy knows to leave the room.  
"Listen...What I said to him was; _awful_. Once I find him, I swear to God I'll apologize." Connor assures, sitting across from him at the table.  
"I know you regret what you said. But that's not what I wanted to talk about."  
"Then what did you want to talk about?"  
Adam deeply exhales. "Don't let, what happened with Jude...Stop you from being with someone who brings out the best in you, Connor. Don't let what happened with me and your mother stop you, either. Or Sam's parents. Or any other love that has ever failed. Love doesn't always fail." He begins wisely, repeating Sam's words.  
"But it still can. It still does."  
"It doesn't always. Think of your mothers parents." He reminds him.  
Connor thinks about the stories he's been told about them.  
"Blind date in high school..."  
"And they're still together." Adam states.  
Connor nods, lacking eye contact.  
"Now I'm not saying everything's perfect with them. You've heard them bicker. Your mother once told me that grandpa had to go to a motel one night when she younger. That's how bad things got...But in the end, it all worked out."  
Connor nods, quietly clicking his tongue.  
"I'm not saying Sam's the 'one' for you, either. I can't predict the future, and you never know what's gonna happen. But relationships and heartbreak are what help you learn. I've learned from your mother and I's divorce. You've learned from what happened with Jude. Don't let the bad things around you stop you from trying, Connor."  
Adam finishes, and Connor tears up.  
"No matter what happens in the end, Connor, you're gonna learn more, and grow stronger. That's the most important thing in life."  
He nods, blinking away the water in his eyes.  
"Thanks Dad..."  
"I know I haven't been the best parent. Hell, it's a historical fact, really."  
Connor chuckles.  
"But I've realized things. And I want you to know that. I've been sober since April eleventh, and have been having nice talks with a gay man that goes to my A.A meetings."  
Connor thought he'd never see the day. Hell, he thought this day, these words coming out of fathers mouth, would never be a possibility.  
But little did he know.  
Adam has him hug him. The hug lasts for a good eleven seconds, and Connor pulls away.  
"I love you."  
"Love you too, Dad."  
Adam watches him leave, when Connor exits the house to do one something he should've done a long time ago.  
•••  
He screams his name, frantically running around the neighborhood. He knows he couldn't have gone that far.  
"Sam...?!" Standing at the end of his block, he looks around frantically. He looks as if he might cry again.  
He takes out his phone, trying to call him. Straight to voicemail.  
Desperate and out of options, all he can do is pant and look around.  
He decides to run just a little farther.  
" _SAM_!" He shouts, sprinting up to him once he sees him walking with his back turned in the distance.  
"Connor?" He asks in curious disbelief, after Sam turns around and sees him standing right in front of him.  
"I tried calling you, why didn't you pick up?!"  
"My phone died..."  
"Jesus Sam" Connor breathes, letting out a quick huff. At first, Sam thinks he's gotten mad at him all over again.  
"Okay okay uh-" Connor sighs calmly, heart beating at the opposite the pace.  
He knows what he's about to say, and doesn't care what anyone has to say about it.  
"What I said back there...It was bullshit."  
He can't help but laugh. "Alright? Bullshit. My old relationship failing shouldn't scare me into entering a new one...No failing relationship, should. You're right...We don't know it won't work for us..." He starts.  
An emotional grin is plastered across Sam's face. "Um-" he holds back flattered tears.  
"It's...I've, always liked you. That thing with Erin, and what happened with Colin, that was just me trying to get away from my feelings for you. When I heard about Jude, I thought I would never have a chance with you, but..." He laughs. "And then I knew I had to give you time when the breakup happened. But I refused to believe that you would ever like me." He explains.  
"Surprise" Connor chuckles, making Sam laugh quietly.  
"Listen, Sammy..." He takes his hands and steps even closer to him.  
"Jude's in my past...I want you in my future."  
Sam wipes away his tears, smiling even bigger.  
"It wouldn't make sense for me not to be."  
They giggle.  
Sam let's go of his hands, only to grab into his face.  
Wasting no time, their lips touch.  
They share various, long kisses, in the matter of under two minutes. Neither of them deepen the kisses too much, not wanting to be too rough.  
After pulling away with hesitation and already wanting more, they smile at each other.  
"Let's try..." Connor whispers.  
They finally take the walk that they've wanted to.

 


	21. Welcome To The Wondrous Wonders:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's PTSD affects him. Connor sees a familiar face on the beach. Angst/fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you liked :) (or if you didn't)

Chapter Twenty One: Welcome To The Wondrous Wonders:  
It's not long until Connor can't keep his hands off of him.  
They find a park to temporarily stay in, starting to kiss on the grass only several seconds later.  
The lamp posts sitting in the park aren't turned on, the two of them taking advantage of the fact that no one can see them.  
If Connor found him irresistible before, he can't keep away from him, now. He's lost count of how many times he's kissed him, experiencing more and more of a constant high, each time.  
Mutually taking their lips apart at the same time, they desperately catch for breath.  
"Am I kissing you too much?" Connor breathes out, flashing a smile.  
Sam giggles, continuing to struggle for air. "No, no. Not at all." He whispers, smirking.  
Connor lets out a laugh. He grabs onto Sam's shoulders, kissing him even harder this time.  
He hasn't felt this free, this _himself_ , this blissful, in a _long_ long time.  
It's a constant high that he never wants to return down from.  
He refuses to take the feeling for granted.  
"Freeze!" They hear a lady yell, before a painfully bright flashlight shines on them.  
In a panic, they break apart and look up at the supposed officer.  
" _Mandy_?" They ask together, frowning once they see it's her.  
Taking the flashlight back a few inches, she cackles. "Ah, I'm just messin' with ya. I'm not really a cop." She smiles, thinking she's being funny.  
"What do you do for a living...?" Sam decides to ask, standing up in front of her.  
"Is that any of yore business?" She sticks the flashlight closer in his face, making him cringe and look away. "No ma'am."  
"Mandy, not that we're not _so_ delighted to see you-" Connor stands up, dusting off his shorts.  
"But what are you doing here?"  
"Your father sent me out to look for ya. I wish I could say that I was surprised at what I found." She aims her flashlight at the ground, and both of the boys blush.  
"Now, I think it's _great_ that your friends with benefits now, but-"  
"We're not...Friends with benefits." Connor frowns at her.  
"You're not?"  
"No...We're together..." He explains, making Sam's cheeks flush even brighter. He holds back his smile.  
' _We're together.'_  
"Oh, well, even better! But no major PDA in public. It's rude." She insists.  
"But no one else was here..." Sam says.  
"Well I'm here now, to put an end to this funny business. So let's go."  
The boys cringe again.  
The night could've ended in a _lot_ worse way.  
•••  
When Mandy walks them all the way back inside the house, the awkward vibes increase.  
"Where were they?" Adam asks, noticing their presence.  
"The park." Is all Mandy answers, not wanting to exactly explain what she found them doing in the park.  
"Next time text me, alright?" Adam sternly looks at Connor, crossing his arms.  
He nods. "Sorry..."  
"I'm gonna go...Charge my phone..." Sam finds an excuse to leave this awkward scene, giving Connor a soft look.  
He watches him walk back inside the guest room.  
Sam plugs in his phone, observing it slowly turn on.  
The first thing he sees on the revived screen, is a text from Dylan.  
**Everything alright?**  
His heart flutters.  
**Yeah. Everything's perfect.** He responds.  
Next, he decides to text Erin.  
**Hey, Aaron didn't ask you for nudes yet, did he?**  
He chuckles as he sends the text.  
**NO. How's the honeymoon going?** She instantly changes the subject.  
Her words make Sam blush. He tightly presses his lips together.  
Outside in the kitchen, Connor reveals to Adam that he and Sam are now romantically involved.  
"I don't think you two should be sleeping in the same bed." Are Adam's words of reaction.  
Connor cringes. "Dad, seriously? Nothing happened last night, when we slept next to each other." He tries to prove his point.  
"Yeah, but that was _before_ you guys got together. I just don't want anything happening too fast, alright?"  
Turning pale out of embarrassment, Connor scoffs. "We like, _just_ kissed. I wouldn't expect anything more than that..." He tries convincing him again.  
But Adam's not playing around.  
•••  
Connor's forced to sleep on the living room couch, and Sam alone in the guest room, which is only ten feet away from the couch Connor is sleeping on.  
Both of them know to wait at least twenty minutes so they know that Adam is actually asleep, before either of them go to see the other.  
Connor can sense Adam checking on him various times, and pretends to be asleep.  
He's already actually half asleep, almost thirty minutes later, when Sam jumps on top of him.  
"Owe!" He smiles, trying to keep quiet once he sees it's him.  
"Hi" Sam whispers, wrapping him arms around him.  
"Hey" Connor whispers back, grinning. "Try not to be too loud; he'll hear us."  
"Am I really that loud in general?" Sam smiles, knowing the answer is yes.  
Connor snickers.  
Sam buries his face into his neck, not meaning to be sexual, but intimate.  
"You okay?" Connor takes his hand.  
"I'm perfect."  
"You take your meds?"  
"Just did..." Sam closes his eyes.  
"Good." Connor leans over and kisses the right side of his head.  
"Get some sleep, beautiful."  
He hears Sam giggle, making him smile.  
They fall asleep in a simple bliss, continuing to stay that way.  
Until Sam's meds refuse to kick in.  
June 26th:  
He lurches up, panting heavily with sweat dripping down his face.  
The noise wakes Connor up out of his thoughts, and he flutters his eyes open as he slowly sits up. He grows alert, seeing the panicked state that's Sam's in.  
"What's wrong; what's wrong?" He whispers, putting his hand on his shoulder to calm him down. The time on his phone reads two twenty three a.m.  
"I-I had a nightmare" Sam stutters, sweating with worry even more.  
"Hey, it's okay-I'm here" Connor whispers, trying to bring hm close. Sam flinches, hyperventilating at his touch and standing up. "Sammy..." He wants him to calm down so Adam won't hear them.  
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I ruined everything I shouldn't have came here." Sam claims ridiculous conclusions like he usually does, when he's in an insecure panic. He cries, sinking on his knees to the floor and letting himself weep.  
"Sammy. It's okay I got you." Connor stands up, hugging him from behind.  
Sam breaks away, moving forward and turning around with a scowl.  
"Don't touch me; I don't wanna be touched!" He demands, only increasing Connor's worry at the possibility of Adam discovering them.  
"What's going on?" He hears his stern sounding voice, coming from the entrance of the room. "Dad-" he instantly tries to calm him down, knowing the negativity will just scare Sam more.  
" _No_ , Connor. I _specifically_ told you-"  
" _Nothing happened!"_  
Connor doesn't mean to yell, but right after he does, he sees Sam sprint up the staircase.  
He glares at Adam.  
"What happened?" He turns sincere.  
"He had a nightmare. I told you he can get unstable." Connor snaps, before stomping up the stairs to find Sam.  
•••  
"Sammy?" He makes sure to keep his voice low, while slowly roaming down the hallway.  
He tries opening the bathroom door, only to realize that it's locked.  
"Sam?" He asks.  
"Don't come in..." He can hear that he's still crying.  
"Sammy, don't worry. Just come out and we'll go back to sleep. Okay?" Connor tries calmly coaxing.  
" _No_. I've already ruined everything..."  
"You didn't ruin _anything_. I love that you're here with me."  
"But you said-"  
"That was when I was getting unnecessarily negative about everything. I did _not_ mean that. Like you don't mean this."  
"Why _didn't_ you mean it? I have no idea why you even put _up_ with me. Why anyone does..."  
Tears make their way into Connor's eyes.  
"Sammy...You're just saying this because you're fragile. Your meds are gonna kick in. Just wait. You'll know when they do..." He sits down on the floor, leaning against the door.  
"I'm right here..."  
"Just go away!" He hears Sam cry harder.  
Connor knows it's just his mental illness speaking, though the words that are being said to him still hurt.  
"I'm not leaving until you come out of the room...Please, Sammy..."  
Something's knocked over, a loud bang being heard against the floorboards.  
"Please don't hurt yourself..." He pleads.  
"Why does everyone think I'm going to hurt myself?! I'm _not_!" Sam rants, kicking the door and making Connor flinch.  
"I-I'm just looking out for you..."  
"I don't wanna be looked after. I'm not a fucking psych ward patient."  
"I-I know that but, I care about you...I don't want anything happening to you..." Connor clarifies.  
"Why do you even _care_? It's not like _I_ do."  
"Don't say that..." Connor's crying now.  
"I'll-I'll call Dylan. I'll tell your Dad. Don't make me do that." He knows he now has to threaten him, somehow.  
If there's anyone who Sam hates putting through hell with his mental illness, it's his family.  
"Don't."  
"Then let me see you..."  
No answer.  
"Sam..."  
The longer he waits for him to answer, the more he feels himself slowly falling asleep.  
•••  
Four hours later, Sam's greeted with the sight of the bathroom ceiling.  
After long seconds of thinking, he remembers everything that happened shortly before. The nightmare. Adam catching them. Connor trying to get him to come out of the bathroom. And most recently, falling asleep on top of the rug.  
He groans as he stands up, feeling instant guilt for the trouble he's caused.  
He unlocks the door, and opening it to see that Connor had fallen asleep right in front of the door.  
He sighs, knowing only himself is to blame.  
He basically has to drag him to his old room down the hallway, knowing he would fail miserably if he tried to carry him down the stairs.  
He doesn't know why Adam had them stay in the guest room instead of Connor's old room; considering Connor's room and Adam's room are down the hall from each other.  
At first he thinks it's because the room's been cleared out, but when he opens the door and pulls Connor inside, he learns he's thought wrong.  
All of things Connor decided to leave behind, are still there. His bed, dressers, TV, and shelves of baseball trophies.  
After carefully setting Connor in the bed and tucking him in, he walks closer to the trophies and studies them.  
He chuckles, reading the titles and looking at the figures.  
He finally decides to climb into the bed, wrapping his arms around him.  
"I'm sorry" he whispers, before kissing his forehead and snuggling next to him.  
If there's one thing that Sam can't stop doing during the aftermath of all his incidents, it's apologize. Apologize to everyone that had to see it, help him through it, and experience any negative feelings.  
But never to himself.  
•••  
Adam ended up falling asleep on the couch after Connor went upstairs to look for Sam, and found them sleeping next to each other in Connor's old room, after waking up after nine thirty.  
He decides to let the situation go, quietly sighing when he closes the door to let them sleep.  
•••  
The first thing Sam says to Connor after they both wake up that morning, is an apology.  
"For what?"  
"For the incident."  
"You did nothing wrong. You couldn't help it."  
"But I still upset you. And I'm _so_ sorry."  
"It's over now. Your meds kicked in." Connor kisses his nose. "I hate it when you worry."  
Sam wraps his arms around him. "I know...I just feel like I need to make it up to you."  
For the next hour, he insists on doing just that.  
"We should do something. It's our last day here; what do you wanna do?" He asks him downstairs.  
"I don't know, what are you thinking of?"  
"Whatever you want."  
Connor scoffs. "Sammy you gotta let this go."  
"I'm just trying to be laid back" Sam smiles, knowing he's being stubborn.  
Snickering, Connor knows Sam's not going to shut up until he chooses something.  
"I dunno, I guess, the beach-?" Is the first thing that comes to his mind.  
"The beach? Yeah! That sounds perfect." Sam is purposely overly positive.  
Connor laughs, this time. "You're ridiculous." He smiles to him.  
Knowing what he said is true, Sam returns a huge grin.  
•••  
They race each other down the sand, leaving their footprints engraved.  
Connor's the first one to jump into the water, making Sam laugh and wrap his arms around him once he's behind him.  
"Ah!" Connor laughs, as Sam tries climbing onto his back. He giggles. "Hi."  
"Did I _say_ you could do that?" Connor teases, when Sam now sits on his back. "Yes." He claims, grinning.  
Smirking, Connor throws him off his back, watching him land under the water.  
"I could've _died_!" Sam smiles, after rising above the water and stepping towards him.  
"You're so dramatic" Connor teases, bringing him closer.  
"C'mere." Without giving him a choice, he holds Sam in his arms, having him lean up against his chest.  
He rests his chin on the top of his head.  
Not able to stay still, Sam breaks lose and forces them to switch positions.  
"What are you _doing_?!" Connor laughs, feeling Sam wrap his arms around his chest, and bring him closer to his body.  
"Comforting you" Sam mutters, kissing the top of his head. Connor smiles.  
"You know, I'm bigger than you so this doesn't really look right." He jokes.  
"Don't discriminate me because of my height" Sam makes fun, meaning to be sarcastic.  
"I would _never_ " Connor teases, smirking at him.  
"You should stop before I drown you because I may be tiny but I'm mighty" Sam smiles, making Connor laugh. "You talk too much. You should talk less." He jokes, turning around and looking at him, bringing him closer.  
Sam laughs. "You're so mean."  
"I know."  
With that, Sam kisses him, not caring who sees, or what anyone thinks. The life guard could blow their whistle at them, for all he cares.  
They continue to kiss for almost a full minute, until they finally break apart for air.  
"My Dad gave us money, wanna eat something?" Connor practically whispers, still catching his breath.  
"But then we wouldn't get to keep doing this" Sam smiles, softly pecking his lips. Connor giggles, squeezing his hand.  
His eyes start to roam the beach, almost slipping and falling under the water, when he sees a familiar figure.  
"Oh my God."  
"What?" Sam takes notice at the teenage girl, who's sitting in a lounge chair and tanning, twenty feet away from them.  
"That's Jude's sister, Callie." Connor whispers dramatically.  
"Callie like in California?" Sam asks a little too loudly, and Connor shushes him.  
This makes Callie lean forward in her chair, eyes widening when she sees them.  
"Connor?" She asks, standing up and walking towards the shore.  
"Hey..." Connor greets, trying not to sound to awkward. He walks out of the water, and up in front to her.  
"How are you?" She speaks politely.  
"Good...! How 'bout you?"  
"I'm good, thanks" she smiles. "You visiting your Dad?"  
"Yeah. Things are going good."  
"That's great! You like living with your Mom?"  
"Yeah, things are good there. L.A's pretty nice." He answers.  
"I know, it's beautiful, right? How long you in town for?"  
"I'm leaving tomorrow morning."  
"Well I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay." She says, just as Sam slowly walks up next to Connor.  
"Uh, this is my boyfriend, Sam." Connor introduces him. Sam's heart happily skips at the word 'boyfriend'.  
"Nice meeting you" Callie greets, and Sam politely smiles.  
"You too."  
"So, do you live here; have I seen you around?" She wonders.  
"Oh, no; I'm from L.A. His Dad let me tag along with him." Sam explains.  
"That's great" she answers, figuring that Adam must be open minded now.  
"It was nice seeing you guys." She assumes they want their alone time, shortly waving at them.  
"You too Callie." Connor flashes a smile, and she walks away.  
"Wow..." Sam says, once she's out of earshot.  
"I'm on better terms with his sister than I am with _him_ " Connor mutters, while praying that Jude isn't here with her. Sam can't help but giggle.  
"Let's get something to eat, weirdo." He puts his arm around him, bringing him closer.  
Connor smiles at him. "What would I do without you?" He teases.  
"Probably drown."  
They laugh at his comment.  
June 27th:  
Instead of Adam driving them back to L.A. like planned, Jeannette says she has no problem with picking them up and driving them back.  
"Good seeing you bud." Adam has Connor hug him again, the three of them standing in the driveway.  
"You too." He holds his bags, standing next to Sam who's doing the same.  
"Nice seeing you Sam." He touches his shoulder.  
"You too." He smiles at him. Adam had called Jeanette and let her know about their new relationship, which she was not surprised by.  
•••  
In the car, watching the boys who sit next to each other in the backseat, through the rear view mirror, she knows not to say anything about their relationship.  
When they stop for gas, they patiently wait for her to fill up the tank, while joking around and lightly kicking each other.  
She's about to get back into the car after the tank is filled, when her phone begins ringing.  
"Oh. Sorry. I have to take this." She smiles, checking the caller I.D, and walking farther into the parking lot.  
"Who's she talking to, work?" Sam asks.  
"No, not work. She wouldn't have looked happy."  
Sam laughs.  
"No idea." Connor finishes.  
•••  
When they drop Sam off, Connor smiles and hugs him, before he can actually step out of the car. "See you soon." He rests his chin on his shoulder, making Sam smile, and Jeanette, who's watching through the rear view mirror again, smirk.  
"Defiantly." Sam says, slowly pulling away and returning a smile. "Thanks for everything." He thanks Jeanette.  
"Of course, sweetie."  
Swinging his bag, Sam closes the door. They watch him walk back inside his house, before driving away.  
"So-"  
"Not a word, Mom."  
•••  
Ken and Dylan happily greet Sam as he sets his bag down on the kitchen table, in the house.  
"So how was it? Everyone go well?" Dylan makes sure, watching Ken quickly hug him.  
"Yeah. It was great. Oh, by the way..."

 


	22. Old And New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin returns from her trip, only to drop a bombshell. Sam and Connor attempt to 'experiment', and Connor later finds out something serious about his mother's personal life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you enjoyed (or didn't). I seriously never would've expected to get this many reads. So thank you all so much!

Chapter Twenty Two: Old And New:  
July 8th:  
Erin practically trips over herself, while running over to Sam and Connor outside of her house, who she hasn't seen in over two weeks.  
"Hiiii!" She hugs Sam first, before giving a tight squeeze to Connor.  
"We missed you!" He beams, picking her up for a short moment and setting her back down onto the grass.  
"I missed you too." She steps back and stands in front of the both of them.  
"So, questions first: am I gonna be a third wheel since you guys are a couple, now?" She smiles. " _No_ " they answer together, making her laugh.  
"You sure about that?" She teases, making Sam punch her shoulder. She snickers.  
"Wanna go to that diner I almost killed that guy at?" Sam jokes, and Connor laughs.  
"Yeah. Let's do that." Erin agrees.  
"You just wanna go there so you can see Aaron" Connor teases her.  
"It is _not_! He doesn't even work there anymore. He works at TJ Max now." She defends, making both the boys laugh.  
"What a keeper" Connor jokes, making Sam cackle, and Erin scowl.  
•••  
Aaron may not work at the diner anymore, but Erin still sees him anyway.  
"Aaron...?" She asks, as he walks past their table.  
"Hey...! When'd you get back...?" He wonders, turning to them and biting his bottom lip.  
"Today..."  
"Oh, that's good! The rest of your trip go well?"  
"Yup..." She forces a smile.  
After exchanging awkward smiles with each other, Arron finally decides to walks away.  
"What happened between you guys?" Sam asks.  
"He told me on the _last_ week of my trip that he's seeing some girl." She speaks irritably, rolling her eyes. " _What_? He can't just _lead you on_ like that. I'll kill him" Sam declares.   
"It's fine. I mean, we're a year apart, anyways."  
"So? That doesn't mean it wouldn't work out." Connor tries coaxing.  
"Whatever. It's fine. I didn't even like him that much, anyway..." She claims.  
•••  
On his way out the door, Aaron stops at their table again.  
"Oh, by the way Erin, you should text me tonight."  
"I should?" She asks, as Sam almost spits out his toast.   
"Yeah." He doesn't understand why she's acting so clueless.  
"But what about Sarah?"  
"You mean Stephanie? We broke up."  
"Interesting..." A big smile creeps across her face.  
"I'll see you around. Bye guys."  
"Bye..." They speak together, and Erin flashes a small smile while watching him leave.  
•••  
"What's wrong?" Sam asks Erin, as they and Connor are walking out of the diner. He notices the uneasy look on her face.  
"Nothing..." She claims, refusing eye contact.  
"What is it? Do you not like him anymore or something?" Connor guesses.  
"I do, but..." The looks she gives them is serious, and they stop walking at once.  
"Something happened...On the trip." She reveals.  
"Did your grandma die in her sleep?" Sam can't help but ask. " _No, idiot"_ she snaps, as Connor frowns.  
"I met this other guy..." She shares.   
"You saw what long distance did to me, Erin. Don't do it." Connor instantly tries to save her.  
"No. I only liked him for a little bit. It was after Aaron told me he had a girlfriend."  
"So, what's the problem?" Sam wonders.  
"We slept together."  
Sam can only scream the word 'what' over and over, as Connor repeatedly curses.  
"Will you guys shut up?!" She screams.  
"Please don't tell me you're pregnant" Sam begs. "Relax, dweeb. I'm not _fucking knocked up."_ She retorts.  
"You're acting like you are" Connor mutters. " _What_?"  
"Nothing...!"  
Sam exhales. "Why the hell would you sleep with this guy?"  
"I was just jealous that Arron let me down, and...I wanted to get him back..." She shamefully admits. "But he wore a condom."   
Both Sam and Connor sigh of relief.  
"I recently got my period, so I'm defiantly not pregnant" she adds.  
Connor raises his eyebrows at her comment.  
"So how was it?" Sam asks her.  
" _Sam_!"  
"I'm just _wondering_!"   
"I'm just scared to hang out with Arron, 'cause if I tell him that I slept with the guy, I don't want him thinking I'm just some girl that'll do it with anyone." She explains.  
"He won't. He's probably done it before too" Sam tries calming her.  
"I just can't believe you lost your virginity before us" Connor blurts, smirking.  
"Wait. You guys haven't done it yet?" She asks, making them both blush.  
"What...?" No" Connor answers, he and Sam giving each other awkward looks.  
"Oh. Well just wondering. Let's go." She starts acting casual all of a sudden, making the boys even more uncomfortable.  
•••  
Later that day, Connor and Sam are talking on the phone. "I still can't believe that Erin _did_ that" he shares, sitting on the couch of his living room.   
"I know..." Sam sits on his bed. "She's just so innocent. It doesn't sound like her. But she wouldn't lie about something like that, either."  
Connor nods. "I just hope she's doing okay."  
"Me too...Don't you think that question she asked us was a little weird?" He finally brings it up.  
Connor shrugs. "Yeah, I guess..." He can't help but blush.  
"Would you ever, like, do something like that?" Sam asks, trying not to sound too awkward.  
"With you? Yeah. I mean, you're my boyfriend. But the most I've Jude and I have ever done is make out with our shirts off-"  
"Thanks for that imagine burned in my brain, Connor." Sam interrupts, making him chuckle.  
"I just don't want you to feel like you have to do something you don't want to, with me." He starts.  
"Oh, no. I know you would never--pressure me into that stuff." Sam assures.  
"I promise you I wouldn't. I mean, I don't want you to think that just because I sent that picture to Jude I'm some perv." Says Connor.  
"I know you're not. It's been two weeks. You would've tried getting into my pants, by now."  
They chuckle.  
"I'm the one that looked at the picture, anyway..." Sam speaks uncomfortably, not wanting to remember what he did.  
Connor smirks. "I'm not mad at all" he flirts, making Sam laugh.  
"Well, unlike Jude, I would have no problem if you sent me a picture like that."  
Sam's words make Connor fluster. Grinning at his comment, he can feel his face sweating. Embarrassed, Sam wishes he could tear his tongue out.  
' _Did I really just **say** that? And **mean** it? I sort of my meant it. Oh my God he thinks I'm a freak.' _  
Connor chuckles in surprise. "Wow, Sam I never thought you were so kinky." He jokes, trying go play it off; though he can feel the erection rising in his pants.  
Sam chuckles back. "Don't be too surprised...I'm gonna go."  
"Okay." Connor hopes their conversation didn't make him feel uncomfortable.  
"Bye Connor." Sam speaks suggestively, making his eyes light up and a smile sprawl across his face.  
They hang up, and phone still to his ear, Connor stares down at his bulge with a sigh.  
The phone resuming to ring makes him jump, bringing it to his face and looking at the caller I.D with a scared gasp.  
 **Richard Shapiro, CA.**  
"Connor, who is it?" He hears Jeanette yell from the kitchen.  
"Some Richard guy..." He reads skeptically.  
She rushes over to him, sighing quietly. "Work" she claims, taking the phone from his hand and answering it. "Hello?" She holds it to her ear and walks towards the entrance of the room.  
"Hi, hi." She smiles, and Connor watches her leave.  
"Oh, yeah, I was just..." Her voice fades, now in a different area of the house entirely.  
Connor frowns, and let's out another sigh. Biting his bottom lip, he feels his bulge still sticking out.  
•••  
Later that night, Sam sits around the dinner table with his family, phone discreetly placed in his lap.  
"You gonna see Connor or Erin tomorrow?" Dylan, who's sitting across from him, asks. "Maybe. I hope to." He answers, taking a bite of his cut up chicken.  
"I bet it was nice to see her again, wasn't it?" Asks Ken, sitting next to Sam. "Yeah. I really missed her a lot."  
"So how was her trip?" Dylan wonders.  
Sam freezes, thinking about her revelation. "She said it was good..." He takes another bite of his food.  
His phone vibrates in his lap, giving him slight pleasure. His eyebrows raise.  
"Can you answer that later?" Ken asks. "Put it on the counter."  
"Yeah, Sam. I mean, you were only talking to Connor _all_ day today." Dylan teases Sam, watching him stand up.   
"It wasn't _all_ day" he defends, frowning at him.   
Walking over to the island counter in the middle of the room, he sets his phone down before checking the notification.  
A lump forms in his throat, knees going weak.  
 _'I would have no problem if you sent me a picture like that_.' He remembers the words he said to Connor on the phone.  
He defiantly had no problem listening.  
"Sam. You can respond later." He hears Ken chide.   
"It's Connor..." Dylan sing songs, stretching on the end syllable of his name.  
Oh, it's Connor, alright.  
Sam clears his throat, now feeling the hard on in his pants. He locks the screen and sets the phone down, slowly walking over and sitting back down in his chair.  
"What's wrong? You look like you saw a ghost." Ken observes, studying Sam's face that's now the color of so.  
' _Not a ghost.'_ He thinks.  
•••  
When Sam doesn't respond within ten minutes, Connor starts to worry for the worst.  
 **Forget I sent that. Please don't be freaked out. I'm sorry. Plz don't break up with me.** He doesn't want to repeat history.  
Checking his phone again as he stands in the kitchen, after finally eating his food, Sam's surprised at Connor's new text.  
"Aw" he breathes out, knowing what Connor's fearing and why.  
 **I'm actually gonna do something very different than break up with you...** He texts back, making Connor exhale of relief, but also smirk.  
 **Oh really?**  
"I'm gonna be upstairs in my room...For a bit." Sam tells his family, who are acting oblivious to what's happening. Dylan puts a plate of leftovers in the fridge, as Ken opens the dishwasher.  
"Okay."  
•••  
July 9th:  
Wanting to get to the bottom of what Jeanette's been up to, Connor has no choice but to eavesdrop.  
Slowly coming out from behind the entryway to her office, he keeps his eyes on her, who's sitting at her computer desk and talking on her phone.  
"Okay, I'll see what I can do..."  
She chuckles. "You too, Richard...Okay...Bye." She hangs up with a happy smirk on her face.  
"Who's Richard?" Connor asks, making her jump and turn around in her chair.  
"Oh, Connor. I didn't see you." She holds her hand to her heart.  
"Who's Richard?" He repeats, walking forward into the room and crossing his arms.  
"Oh, he's just a coworker." She tries to sound casual.  
"And?"  
"And what?"  
"Do you guys, like, see each other outside of work?" He knows to start out mild.  
"I'd say so."  
"Do you guys like each other...?" He finally breaks the ice.  
This causes her face to light up. "He's very nice, Connor. But I'm not expecting it to go anywhere major." She explains calmly.  
"Why not? If he likes you, then go for it. I want you happy." He supports.  
"That's very sweet, Connor. But...Don't expect much to happen."  
"Whatever you say." He doesn't believe her, making her scoff.  
While Connor is happy that Jeanette is getting involved with other men, he doesn't want her getting hurt, either.  
But she's not the only one who he has to worry about getting hurt.  
•••  
"Hey." Connor can't keep the smile off of his face, as he walks over to Sam in the partially empty movie theatre parking lot, due to it only being eleven thirty in the morning.  
"Hey." Sam walks over to him, smirking. "Is Erin on her way?" Connor asks him.  
"Yep. She just texted me. Um-" he doesn't know how to start the sentence he wants to speak.  
"That was some picture you sent last night." He smirks again.  
Cheeks flushing, Connor laughs. "Yeah, I bet you enjoyed it." He grins.  
Sam chuckles.   
"You know, this actually the first time I've sent a picture like that without being dumped." Connor jokes, making Sam laugh.   
"Stop it...Yeah, you defiantly got a more positive reaction from me" he flirts, Connor laughing at the comment. Sam touches his right side, pulling him closer to him.  
Both flustered, they smile.  
"Guys!" They hear Erin yell, and they look over at her excited facial expression, running towards them. "Guess what...!" She's practically out of breath, when she stops in front of them.  
"What?" They curiously ask together, looking over at her.   
"Aaron and I are gonna hang out tonight!" She beams, having both boys grin.   
"Really? That's great!" Sam smiles, as Connor's eyes light up at her.  
"Yeah. We're gonna get ice cream. I'm so excited. But I will not sleep with him." She points at them determinedly.  
"Awesome" Sam says sarcastically, as Connor scoffs.  
"What's new with you guys?" She asks.  
"I think my Mom's seeing someone" Connor shares. They both look at him. "Really? That's good!" Sam smiles, and Erin grins. "Aw, Connor!" She smiles. "That's great!"  
"I know. But she says to not 'expect anything major'." He uses air quotes.  
"Aw, well you never know what can happen." Sam suggests.  
"Yeah. I'm glad for her, but I don't want her getting hurt again, ya know?"  
Both Sam and Erin nod.   
"Well I bet everything will work out" Sam smiles, talking his hand in comfort.  
Connor hopes so.  
"Now let's see the movie so I can be the third wheel." Erin teases them.  
"Shut up!" They yell to her at the same time, and she guffaws.


	23. Heated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hence the title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a few days, been busy. Hope this'll hold you guys over till next time. Slight sexual content, I suppose??

Chapter Twenty Three: Heated:  
July 14th:  
Sam walks into Connor's house, seeing him lying on his couch, after walking into the living room. "You alright...?" Sam asks, walking into the room and studying Connor, who's glumly at the ceiling.  
Turning over, Connor looks at him. "Hi Sammy." His presence brings a smile to his face.  
"What's wrong?" He asks with a smile on his face on his way over to him, thinking about how he wants to make him feel better.  
"I just--it's my Mom." Connor admits, before Connor climbs on top of him and they both giggle. "What about her?" Sam ruffles his hair.  
"It's...So _obvious_ that she's seeing this Richard guy. She went out for 'drinks with friends' the past two nights this week. She has no friends!" Connor exclaims.  
"Well you don't know that she was seeing him." Sam suggests with a shrug.   
"She probably was, though. She didn't come back until really late." Connor adds.  
"Really? You should've had me over." Sam smirks, making Connor grin.  
"I'm sorry, though. I'm sure she's not meaning to hurt you. She just...Doesn't know how to tell you..." Sam theorizes.  
"Yeah, I just wish she would tell me. 'Cause it's obvious." Connor finishes.  
"She'll tell you." Sam wraps his arms around him, bringing Connor in closer towards him.   
"I hope so..."  
"Will this make you feel better?" Sam flirts, before giving him a soft kiss on the lips. Giggling, Connor grabs the back of Sam's head and kisses him back.  
"Yeah that did cheer me up" he smiles to him, after they stop. Both laughing, Sam gets off of him and they stand up.  
"You want something to drink?" Connor asks. "Yeah, sure." Sam answers, grinning and taking his hand.  
They enter the kitchen, Sam turning to him and taking his other hand.  
"When will your Mom be back?" He smiles.   
"Soon" Connor answers, smirking because he knows what he has in mind.  
They only kiss for three seconds, when the back  door flies open.  
In embarrassment, they break apart, expecting to see Jeanette.  
But instead, there stands a very tall man, with brown eyes, tan skin, and light brown slicked back hair.   
He stares the two boys down.  
"Um...W-who are you...?" Connor asks, already having a feeling.  
Jeanette follows inside, seeing them. "Oh, guys; this is the man I'm seeing. Richard, this is my son Connor, and his boyfriend Sam."  
Sam blinks in embarrassment. "Nice to meet you..."  
"You too..." Is all Connor can get out.   
Jeanette smiles with pride. "Um, I..." Sam wants to find an excuse to leave due to being uncomfortable, but Connor squeezes his wrist. "We'll be right back." He announces, before pulling Sam into the dining room.  
"Can you _please_ stay here with me..." He whispers.  
Sam nods in response. "Yeah. I know this must be awkward for you." He pecks his lips.   
"I promise."  
Connor smiles at him.  
•••  
Jeanette makes them all sandwiches, leading for the four them to eat outside in the backyard.  
"So..." Richard starts, before Sam can even take a bite of his sandwich.  
"How long have you two been together?" He asks them, making Connor's drop.  
"Um...End of June." Connor answers, actually remembering the specific date but not wanting to say it.  
"So not that long."  
"Uh, but you guys were friends for several months before, right?" Jeanette brings up.  
"Yeah." They answer together.  
"Interesting."  
While Sam can't even get his sandwich into his mouth, Connor practically stuffs his down his throat so he doesn't have to speak.  
"Um, this isn't going to be a problem, is it? Because that would not be good." Jeanette rips the band aid off.   
"Oh, no, no. My cousin's actually gay."  
Sam bites the inside of his right cheek.   
While Richard's words claim so, the look that he gives both Sam and Connor aren't exactly the friendliest.  
"Are you ever gonna eat your sandwich, honey?" Jeanette asks Sam.  
"I'm not very hungry..."  
•••  
Neither of the boys have no idea what to say to each other, while sitting alone in the living room after almost twenty more painfully awkward minutes later.   
Jeanette and Richard insisted on cleaning up together, outside.   
"Do you think he's..." Sam trails off, looking at Connor with worried eyes.  
"I have _no_ idea. He probably just needs to be a bit educated. Hell, if my _Dad_ can be more open minded, anyone can." Connor concludes, making Sam chuckle.  
"I just don't want to start anything, with him. I wonder how he would react if I told him I was bi." Sam wonders.  
Connor's entire body freezes. "Wait...You're bi...?" He asks, now sweating uncontrollably.  
"Yeah..." Sam's mouth turns dry, blaming himself for not telling him any sooner.  
"I-I didn't know that..." Connor admits.  
Cheeks now flushed, Sam breaks eye contact.  
Connor notices the look of fear on his face.  
"Sammy..." He touches his shoulder.  
"Do you not wanna be with me?" Sam breaks the question. "Do you not wanna be with me because I'm...Bi?" He says the word as if it's dirty.  
"What?" Connor thinks his question is absolutely ridiculous.  
"No. Of _course_ not. It doesn't matter to me wether you like girls. As long as you still like me." He smirks.  
Sam looks at him with a smile.  
"Of course I like you." He squeezes his hand again, making Connor mentally squeal. "My Dad _literally_ told me that he'd want me dating you over 'some whore', anyway."  
Connor cackles. "The only thing I'm nervous about, is that..."   
He looks into his eyes.  
"You have double options, so _I_ have double competition."  
Sam giggles. "Stop it. You're...Amazing. I wouldn't wanna be with anyone else."  
"Right now, you mean."  
"What...?"  
Connor huffs. "Just...I felt the exact same way about Jude, a year ago. And now...He's just a memory. I don't want you to be just a memory, one day."  
Sam almost cries, hearing the words Connor says. He kisses his cheek.  
"You'll always be important to me, Connor. Whether we're a couple or not, I'm always gonna want you in my life." He confesses.  
"But...What if something really bad happens between us...I don't want us to let each other down."   
"We're gonna let each other down, though. Hell, technically we already _have_. We've said tainted things to each other. And things like that are gonna continue to happen, once in a while. But that's just...Life." Sam explains.  
Mouth dropped halfway open, Connor's in awe.  
"How are you so wise when it comes to this?" He questions.  
Sam doesn't understand what he means.  
"I mean; you know so much about this stuff. _I_ should be the one saying all the big speeches, actually having been in love at one point." Connor explains.  
Sam chuckles merely. "You're scared of getting hurt again, Connor. You've been heartbroken. And now, you don't wanna be the heartbreaker. You can trust me. You know that, right? I got you. No matter what anyone else says. Including your Mom's boyfriend." He smirks in amusement.  
Connor grins with astonishment.  
"You're like a fucking therapist" he compliments, snickering.  
"And that doesn't make any sense, since _I'm_ the one with all the mental issues." Sam claims, scoffing.  
Connor doesn't laugh. "Don't say that, Sammy." He doesn't even like when Sam jokes about such things.  
"Hey, it's true; might as well laugh about it." Sam mutters, making Connor grab his cheeks and stare deep into his eyes.  
"I want you to know, that you can _always_ tell me if you're feeling anxious, or depressed, hell--suicidal-" he refuses to let tears into his eyes, at the thought of things getting that extreme-"anything. If you snap at me, I know you won't mean it. Or that it's not you. If anything makes you feel uncomfortable, if you're having trouble with your meds... _Tell me._ Please...?"   
He pleads, wanting to make sure that Sam really hears what he's saying.  
Trying not to cry, himself, Sam nods with a stunned chuckle.   
He hugs him. "You're my rock, Connor." He mutters, fave now smushed into his shoulders with tears going down his cheeks.  
"And you're a dork. But I love it."  
Hearing Sam laugh, Connor pats his back.  
If he thought he was happy with Jude, he wouldn't have _dared_ believed what would be later in store, for him.  
If Sam thought he was miserable last year, getting taunted by bullies almost every day and going through a bad grief phase over his Mom, like hell _he_ would've believed that this would be happening.   
Little did they know.  
•••  
July 15th:  
"So, do you think the is really..." Erin trails off to them, knowing the word she doesn't have to say.  
"I don't know, maybe a little" Sam answers, the two of them walking by his side, through Erin's neighborhood late that night.  
"Well if he is then why is your Mom still seeing him?" Erin asks Connor.  
He shrugs. "I dunno...I just want her happy..."  
They understand where he's coming from, but also know that Jeanette shouldn't be seeing him if what they're speculating is true.   
"Let's not talk about. How have things been with Aaron?" He wonders, looking at her.  
"Good...!" She looks away, clearly not telling them the big picture.  
"He _just_ so happens to be a junior instead of a freshman, but things are good...!"  
" _What_?"  
•••  
July 19th:  
Wanting to avoid Richard together, Sam and Connor quietly sneak through the kitchen when he's in the bathroom, and sprint upstairs into his room.  
On his bed and with the door closed, Sam holds Connor down by his shoulders and breathlessly kisses his lips.  
"Mm, are you like avoiding him or something?" He asks, after stopping to let Connor breathe.  
"Eh." Connor breathes out, laughing at him. "A little. That's why I've been hanging out with you and Erin so much."  
"Besides when she's hanging out with junior Aaron" Sam comments, having him nod.   
"It's not that I don't like seeing my Mom happy. He just gives me the heebee-jeebeee's." Connor grins, making Sam laugh.   
"Aw, you should tell her that." He strokes his face.   
"It's fine. I just gotta get used to him, that's all."   
They kiss again, the marks that Sam then leaves on Connor's neck, making them both giggle.   
"C'mere." Connor whispers to him, sucking in enough breath as he touches their noses together.  
Sam giggles.   
"It's cute how you think you're a top."  
He kisses down his neck, making Connor hum and shut his eyes closed as he arches his back.   
"Damn" he mutters, sliding a hand through Sam's hair.  
He kisses down Connor's clothed torso, stopping just before his sweet spot.  
"Don't make me beg." Connor retorts, and Sam chuckles at his anger.  
"You need to relax..." he smiles suggestively, slowly pulling down his shorts and boxers for him.  
"Mm." Connor bites his bottom lip, trying not to show how submissive he is.  
But all that fails once Sam finally gets his mouth around him.  
Connor's back arches. Blurry eyesight now focused on the ceiling, a gasp leaves his mouth due to the ruthless sensation he feels running through him.

 


	24. Sex Type Thing:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things grow tense between Connor and Richard.  
> Erin struggles with her feelings. Sam and Connor discuss what 'happened' between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Feedback appreciated.

Chapter Twenty Four: Sex Type Thing:  
That night, Jeanette notices Connor's obvious shy awkwardness, and uncomfortable vibes at the dinner table.  
"You okay honey?" She sees that he hasn't taken one bite of his food.  
"Yeah...I'm good." He forces a smile. It's not that he didn't like what happened between him and Sam. In fact, he's still worrying that he was too _loud_.  
Every time the loop of what happened replays over and over in his head, the more sexually aroused he feels. He would jerk off, but now knowing what he was missing with Sam, he feels like using his own mediocre hand would just be a waste of time.  
He's never had any kind of sexual experience before, and now that he has, he has mixed feeling about it.  
Would he do it again? Oh _hell yes,_ no doubt about it. But does he want to move faster? Not exactly.  
"Having trouble with Sam?" Richard, who sits across from him, asks. His tone is intrigued. Like he wants Sam and Connor to be having a problem.  
"Sam and I are great, thanks." Connor's tone turns tight, as he stands up with sharp eyes. "You finished?" Jeanette asks.  
"Yeah...Thanks."  
Connor brings his plate over to the sink, slamming it inside.  
Jeanette quietly exhales, watching him leave the room.  
"Something's bothering him." She speaks.  
"Think he doesn't like me?" Richard asks in a humorous tone, chuckling.  
Connor freezes, now standing in the dining room, wanting to hear the rest of their conversation.  
"Oh, he just needs some time to get used to this. You guys just need time to bond." He hears Jeanette say, and he cringes.  
_'No thanks_.'  
"He seems like a good kid. No wonder. He has a great mother."  
Jeanette giggles, and Connor gulps when he hears them kiss.  
All he's ever wanted, is for his mother to be happy. 'I'm just being selfish. He makes her happy, and that's all I want to see' he thinks, before walking up to his room.  
Checking his phone, he sees that Erin's been contacting him to see if he wants to hang out.  
He calls her back.  
"Erin? Hey. I'll be right there. I need to get out of this house."  
•••  
He finds Erin in her living room, glumly sprawled out against her couch, and staring at the spinning ceiling fan.  
"Hey..." He approaches her, having her sit up and look at him.  
"Oh, hi..."  
"Whatcha thinkin' about?" He asks, sitting down next to her.  
"Aaron...I really _do_ like him, but...I don't see how it would work out. My Dad would _flip_."  
"I can see that..." Connor replies. "But, it's only a two year age difference. When you're a freshman, he'll be a junior. It's not that bad." He considers.  
"Actually...When I'm a freshman he'll be a senior..."  
"What?"  
"When I said he's a junior I meant that he used to be a junior. He's going into the twelfth grade..." Erin clarifies.  
Sighing, Connor stares into her eyes. "Erin...I don't think you should go through with this. Think about it. When he graduates...Things are just gonna get even more complicated. I don't want you getting hurt..."  
Slowly, a smile grows upon her face. "Thank you, Connor...You're so sweet..."  
"Of course." He smiles back, giving her a tight hug.  
Nose squeezed against his shoulder, she doesn't dare miss the opportunity to hug him back.  
"Thanks..." She repeats, after he moves away. He nods. "Can I...Tell you something...?" He wonders, voice cracking at the thought of what's been bugging him.  
"Yeah...Anything." Her look is lighthearted.  
"Um...Sam and I...Did something..."  
She can't move. "You mean..." She trails off. "He went down on me." He confesses, making the blood drain from her face.  
"Really...?" She can't stop herself from sweating.  
"Yeah. Um, don't get me wrong I liked it, uh... _Really_ liked it..." He tries not to think too much about the experience, again.  
"Okay, don't need details." She holds up her hand, making him laugh.  
"So what's the problem?"  
"Um...I guess I just, never expected him to be so...Kinky."  
Erin snickers. "You're kidding me, right? Connor, he looked at the picture you sent Jude, and dry humped _Colin_."  
"Please don't remind me..." Connor cringes.  
"All I'm saying, is that don't be am surprised when he gets like that. He's always been a little horny shit."  
Connor laughs. "Not that I mind..." He smiles, smirking.  
"Gross" Erin comments, and he chuckles.  
"So...Should I like, return the favor...?" Connor asks uncomfortably.  
The blood drain from Erin's face. "Oh...Um, I dunno...Do...Whatever you wanna do, I guess..." She doesn't exactly want to discuss the sex life between the boy she's mildly attracted to, and her best friend.  
"Okay..." He chuckles again. "Thanks...You wanna watch a movie?" He asks.  
"Yeah...Sure." Her smile is forced.  
Throughout the majority of the movie they agree on watching, he can feel the gazes she gives him.  
•••  
"So how's everything been?" Adam asks Connor on the phone, him sitting on their bed and staring at the ceiling.  
"Pretty good..."  
"How's your Mom?"  
"She's good..." He debates whether to hold his tongue or not.  
"She's seeing someone."  
"Really? Who?" Adam sounds surprised. "Some guy named Richard..." Connor sounds unimpressed.  
"He's not giving you a hard time, is he?"  
"Not really...I guess I just need to get to know him." Adam can tell by Connor's monotone that he is not happy.  
"Well I'm sure you'll get used to him, bud." He tries not to show his worry. "How's Sam?" He changes the subject to something that'll have Connor's mood do a three sixty.  
"He's good." Connor smiles to him. "We've been seeing each other a lot."  
"That's great. You guys being safe?"  
" _Dad_...!"  
At that point, Jeanette walks into the room with a basket of laundry.  
"I should go..." Connor sees this as an opportunity to hang up.  
"Alright. Love you bud."  
"Love you too." He hangs up, and looks at Jeanette.  
"Got clothes for you to put away, okay?"  
"Gotcha."  
"How is he?"  
"He's good...Uh, I told him about Richard."  
Her eyebrows raise. "Really? How'd he react to that?"  
"Fine. He doesn't seem affected."  
She chuckles. "So, are...You, affected?" She wonders.  
"What?" Connor chortles.  
"Are you okay with me seeing him?"  
"Why would you ask something like that?" He squints at her.  
"I just want to make sure. He makes me happy, and, I want you happy too."  
He smiles at her. "Well, I am. Thank you...I'm glad he makes you happy."  
She walks over and kisses his forehead. "I am too. You can always talk to me if there's a problem, alright? I think you two should start getting to know each other."  
His eyes turn dull. "Yeah...Sounds good..."  
She smiles once more, before leaving him alone.  
This time, he receives a call from Sam.  
"Hey you." He picks up right after the first ring. Sam chuckles. "Hey. You hung out with Erin tonight, right?"  
"Yeah, why? Jealous?" Connor teases.  
Sam scoffs. "Did you notice anything...Off, about her? I was just talking to her on the phone and she said that she's thinking about breaking it off with Aaron. But it's more than that. I can tell." He explains.  
"Hm...She was a little quiet. You sure it's more than the Aaron situation?"  
"Maybe. I dunno. I'm probably just overthinking things again."  
Connor smiles. "You know I hate it when you worry. I better see you tomorrow."  
Sam chuckles. "Don't worry, you will."  
"About...What happened, today..." Connor decides to bring it up.  
Sam mildly clears his throat. "Did you not...Want me to do that...?" He starts.  
"Oh, no, don't think that. I...Enjoyed it." He smirks, trying to ignore his hormones.  
"Yeah, 'cause I was about to say you were _loud_. Jesus."  
"Shut up" Connor laughs, making Sam smile.  
"Um, so, maybe tomorrow I can...Return the favor..." Connor hesitantly suggests, forcing a smirk.  
Sam's face lights up. "Okay..." He smiles, though he doesn't want Connor to do anything he doesn't want to. He's always thought of himself as more of a giver, than a receiver, anyway.  
"Sounds good." He grins.  
Connor giggles. "I'll call you in the morning. Sweet dreams. Not too sweet."  
Sam laughs. "You too, weirdo. Night."  
"Night."  
They both hang up with smiles on their faces. Connor's smile slowly drops, once he realizes that he is not educated in sex one bit.  
•••  
"Hungry again?" Jeanette asks him, seeing Connor carry a banana up to his room.  
"Yeah, sure..."  
July 20th:  
Dylan can tell that Sam's been off, since last night.  
"What's bugging you?" He asks, the two of them sitting next to each other on the couch, Sam currently too focused on Awkward.  
"Sam." Dylan tries getting his attention, taking the remote and turning off the TV.  
"Hey! Erin said that's a good show." Sam confronts him.  
"I don't care. What's bothering you?" Dylan commands.  
"Nothing, uh..." Sam's eyes worriedly roam the room. "Don't worry about it." He looks at his brother.  
"You take your meds?"  
"Yes..." Sam stands up, and walks into the kitchen where his phone is.  
Connor had texted him **morning sexy.**  
Stomach dropping, Sam smiles and begins to sweat.  
**Hey blind boy. Am I seeing you tonight or what?** He texts back.  
**Of course you are. You sleep well baby?**  
Sam chuckles.  
**Yeah. Dreamt about you.  
I dreamt about you too. Maybe a lil too much.  
Really? What kinda dreams were they?  
I'll demonstrate when I see you.**  
Sam practically creams his shorts.  
"Fuck..." He whispers, texting back **can't** **wait** , and walking back over to Dylan.  
"You alright?" Dylan observes him closely.  
"Yep...Great."  
Sam covers up his bulge just in time.  
•••  
Connor wasn't aware that Richard was coming over.  
"Shit." He whispers, when he abruptly walks into the house, through the garage.  
"Hey..." He sets his phone back onto the counter, with his now sweaty hands.  
"Hey Connor how are you?" Richard crosses his arms, sounding very serious like usual.  
"Good..." He turns away so that his erection isn't noticeable.  
"Uh, Mom...! Richard's here...!" He calls up with quiver in his voice, just wanting her to get the hell down there.  
She walks downstairs, with the banana Connor had left in his room after 'practicing', in her hand.  
Connor has to grab onto the counter so he doesn't fall over.  
"Connor, why would you bring the banana upstairs if you weren't gonna eat it?" She asks, before approaching Richard with a smile.  
"Uh...Guess I forgot..." He lies, hoping she'll just set it down.  
Just because he didn't eat the banana doesn't mean it wasn't in his mouth.  
"I'll eat it, then."  
Connor clears his throat, considering that his dried spit and saliva is all over it.  
He tries not to cringe, watching her un-peel it and take a bite.  
The phone rings, having her perk up. "Oh, I'll get that..." She scurries into the living room, making Connor's stomach drop.  
"Hello?"  
They hear Jeanette's phone conversation with someone who appears to be from work.  
Connor can feel Richard staring him down.  
"You don't like me much, do you, Connor?"  
He flinches.  
"Excuse me...?" He gives Richard scared eyes.  
"Not saying that's a bad thing. I don't like you, either. We're even." He chuckles at him, though Connor can tell that he's being dead serious. He watches him press his arms to his sides.  
"Um...I never said I didn't like you." Connor has to remember to breathe, and not lose his cool.  
"You don't have to, Connor. It's pretty obvious..."  
His heart beats in his ears, palms sweating even heavier now. He stares down at the floor.  
"You don't have to like me...All that matters is that you make my Mom happy. He speaks with confidence, before grabbing his phone and heading up to his room.  
Closing the door, he lets out a sigh, and texts Sam.  
**Can't wait to make you feel good tonight.**  
•••  
"Sam I can't find my phone I'm gonna use yours to call mine!" Dylan loudly yells out to him from downstairs in the living room, just after hearing the noise.  
"Alright!" Sam yells back, picking up the clothes off his floor and throwing them into his hamper.  
Dylan picks up Sam's phone, to see the message.  
He shoves his hand over his mouth, holding back a gag. "Oh my God...Oh my God...Why... _Why_..." He repeats in misery, regretting everything he's ever done in his life that lead up to this moment.  
Because he hasn't learned his lesson, he goes into their conversation, reading all of their earlier dirty texts.  
He cringes, scrolling back down to the latest message, before locking the phone and setting it back down on the ottoman.  
Sam runs back downstairs, asking, "Did you find it?"  
"Uh, I know; I left it upstairs..." He lies, looking for an excuse to leave.  
Sam shrugs, watching Dylan sprint away.  
He checks his phone, chortling at Connor's text.  
**Mm, quit acting like you're not a sensitive bottom.** He types his response.  
•••  
Connor's eagerly waiting for what Sam has to say next, when he hears Jeanette yell his name. "What?!" He asks, running out of his room and looking down the staircase.  
"Can you bring the trash out real quick?" He watches her ask, at the edge of the stairs.  
"Yeah..." He runs down, following her into the kitchen where Richard still is. He sets down his phone on the counter nearest to where he stands.  
"Here." Jeanette hands him the bag. "Thanks."  
"Oh, you know, let me follow you. I gotta get something out of the car."  
Connor nods, and Richard watches them walk into the garage.  
Just when they exit, Sam sends the text.  
Richard's eyes roam to the message, wishing he could be shocked at what he's reading.

 

 


	25. Adam The Angel, By Comparison:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You thought Adam was bad? Think again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been busy for the last couple of days. Hope you all enjoy this. Comment if you have anything to say <3

Chapter Twenty Five: Adam The Angel, By Comparison:  
" _Connor_!" He hears Jeanette yell from downstairs, right after hearing Richard leave only three minutes since he's returned upstairs.  
"Yes...?" He asks with confusion, knowing she's somehow been set off.  
"Come down here now. And give me your phone."  
' _What'd I do?'_ Is all he thinks, before grabbing the device and trotting downstairs into the kitchen with it.  
There stands Jeanette, with her arms crossed and a threatening look on her face.  
"Yes, mother...?" He still has no idea what she's so mad about. He tries to keep his cool.  
" _Richard_ , happened to tell me that he saw a certain message from Sam sent to your phone."  
' _Fuck_.'  
"Uhhh...He did. B-but for the record I am _completely_ against premarital sex and I told him: 'Sam, no. We need to wait'-"  
"Cut the bullshit Connor and give me your phone."  
"Alright, alright, geez." He whispers, handing it over,  
He watches in dressed silence, as she observes he and Sam's text messages.  
"'Can't wait to make you feel good tonight'?"  
"Don't read it out _loud_!" He yells, cheeks flushing at her stubborn actions.  
"Connor, this is completely inappropriate-"  
"God, Mom! We're just getting a _little_ suggestive with each other."  
"A ' _little_ '?"  
"Will you _chill_? It's not like we're having _actual_ sex." He didn't mean to phrase his sentence the way he did.  
"Oh, well if it's not 'actual' sex then what kind of sex _are_ you having?" She grills.  
"Ummmm..."  
How do you exactly tell your mother that your boyfriend's gone down on you, and is probably planning to do so again tonight?  
"You know what? Never mind. I don't think you two should be alone with each other."  
"Are you _kidding_ me? Do you _seriously_ not trust us?"  
"No, Connor. I don't."  
"But-but I'm supposed to see him soon...!"  
"Well if you really wanna see him, then he can come over here where I can watch you guys." She insists.  
"Take my door away while you're at it" he comments sarcastically.  
" _Connor_."  
"You know what? _Fine_. Fine. Don't want me seeing him? I won't."  
"I never said I didn't want you seeing him at _all_ I'm just saying that you guys should-"  
"I _get_ it, Mom. I _heard_ you." He retorts.  
"What the hell was Richard doing sneaking through my phone anyway?"  
"He wasn't purposely looking-"  
"Either way, that asshole shouldn't be looking at my messages." He continues.  
"Connor! That's _enough_!"  
"Why are you even _with_ him? You two just don't seem to... _Fit_. Hell, you and _Dad_ make more sense than you and Richard do." Connor finally tells her how he feels about him.  
"You just don't know him like I do. He makes me happy."  
"Yeah, well, he doesn't make _me_ happy."  
"I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sure you'll eventually get used to him." She takes her arms apart.  
"Yeah? Well what if I _don't_?" He demands.  
Speechless, she doesn't know how to respond to that question.  
This leaves Connor to scoff angrily. "Thanks, Mom, that makes me feel _so_ great."  
Rightfully, he takes back his phone, and walks over to the exit. "By the way, uh, how old were you when you had me, again?" He questions tauntingly.  
Hearing nothing from her in response, he gives a good scowl, before returning back upstairs.  
**So can I see you tonight?** Sam happens to text him.  
Connor stares at the screen with no remorse.  
**Wouldn't miss it for the world. Be right there.**  
Sent.  
•••  
When Connor enters Sam's room, without either Jeanette, or Dylan-who's the only other figure in the house-knowing, the first thing he does is give him a tight squeeze.  
"Hey..." Sam whispers, running his hand through his hair. He can sense that something is wrong.  
"What happened?" He asks softly.  
Connor sighs, breaking apart from, and looking at him. "My Mom and I got into this big argument." He knows to speak gently, as he walks over and shuts the door.  
"What about...?"  
Connor walks back over to him with a sigh.  
"Richard saw...Our texts."  
" _Richard_? Why _him_?" Sam cringes. "He saw a dirty text you sent me, he told her, and she looked through the conversation." He summarizes.  
"She's just being annoyingly overprotective and all that crap. Says she doesn't want us 'being alone',"  
Sam scoffs. "I mean, we're not _always_ like that. Remember that day when all we did was watch Girl Meets World and cuddle for practically five hours?" He reminds, pointing at him.  
"Exactly!" Connor explains, and Sam shushes him. "Sorry." He whispers. "So...Dylan doesn't even know I'm here?"  
"He's been in the garage working on his catapult."  
Connor chuckles. "Fun. What about your Dad?"  
"Neighbors. They always end up talking for hours, so..."  
He grins. "Well, I may have or may not have snuck out, so we can't be too short."  
"Wait. You snuck out?" Sam asks.  
"Had no choice. My Mom said you could've either came over there or we couldn't 'see each other at all'." He rolls his eyes.  
"How come being horny ruins all my relationships?"  
Sam giggles. "Well, about the phone situation, I know a way how we can send each other those kind of messages without getting caught."  
"How?"  
"Snapchat."  
Connor almost snorts. "You're a horny idiot."  
"I know. Give me your phone."  
He does as told, and Sam sees that Jeanette hasn't tried to contact him yet.  
He sees that he already has the app, and clicks on it.  
"Is this someone else's account?" Sam asks him, seeing that Connor's 'name' is Brice Goldman.  
Connor stills, remembering what he had done.  
"Uh, yeah...About that. When I was struggling with the breakup, I knew that trying to contact him on snapchat would be pathetic.  
So, I created an account and used a kid from our old school's name because I know he'd add me if he thought it was him. When he did, I would check his stories a bit after that. I never posted anything 'cause he'd find out it was me..."  
"So what you're basically saying is that you still have Jude's snapchat?" Sam asks curiously.  
"Yep...I'm _that_ pathetic."  
"You're _not_ pathetic." Sam scrolls over to the list of available stories.  
Seeing that Jude's updated his, Connor cringes.  
"Oh my God _don't_ click on his." He rolls his eyes.  
But Sam does.  
What they see, is a short video of a red-eyed Jude laughing, with a joint in his hand. The camera then shows a familiar looking boy, with red eyes as well, smirking into the camera.  
The video ends, leaving Connor's mouth hung open.  
" _Jesus_ , is that his _stoner_ friend...?" Sam asks.  
"Not friend..." Connor says, suddenly remembering where he recognizes the other boy from. "Boyfriend. He was in the Facebook picture I got so upset about..."  
"Oh my God, really? Are you _sure_?"  
"Yeah..." Connor looks away, and Sam walks closer to him.  
"Well, if it makes you feel better, then I would _never_ convince you to smoke weed." He assures seductively, making Connor smirk.  
"Oh really?"  
"Nope. Stuff like that fucks me up, anyway."  
Connor giggles, before touching his nose against his.  
It only takes a couple seconds for their kiss to get steamy; their breathes heavier. Just after Sam throws Connor's shirt off, there's a knock on the front door.  
They break apart, Connor desperately searching for his shirt on the floor. "I'll get it" Sam mutters. "Stay here." He pecks Connor on the lips, who's now wearing his shirt inside out.  
Sam exits the room, making sure to close the door behind him.  
•••  
When he jogs downstairs and answers the front door, he stupidly did not expect Jeanette to be standing there with a tapping foot and crossed arms.  
"Ms. Stevens...! How are you...?" His smile is terrified.  
"Where's Connor?"  
"Um, shouldn't _you_ know that...?"  
"Well you see Sam, I only assume that you know where he is, because he's not at my house."  
Dylan enters inside from the garage, casually walking past them and ignoring what's going on.  
He walks upstairs.  
"Shit" Connor whispers, hearing his footsteps.  
Before he can even move an inch, Dylan enters the room.  
"What the fuck?" He asks, eyes instantly roaming to the inside out shirt he's wearing.  
"Ummmm..." Is all Connor can manage to say,  
"Are you fucking _kidding me?!"_ Dylan yells, before Connor decides that the best option is to sprint away.  
"Sam, _help_!" He shrieks, as Dylan chases him downstairs.  
He and Jeanette make eye contact, just before he trips and falls face first onto the floor.  
"So he _is_ here!" Jeanette exclaims, as Sam jogs over and helps him up.  
"Uh, I actually had no idea; Dylan must've found him and that's why he was chasing him..." Sam claims, and Dylan rolls his eyes.  
"Yeah, uh, he didn't know I was here...Don't blame him." Connor goes along with it.  
"Really? Then why is your _shirt_ inside out?" Jeanette asks, and Dylan fumes.  
"I _knew_ you guys were doing it after I read those _traumatizing_ messages on your phone." He tells Sam.  
"You _read the messages?!_ " He yells.  
"You're _doing it?!"_ Jeanette demands to Connor, just after Ken slowly walks up behind them, on the porch.  
"Um...What is going on...?"  
They all turn around and stare at him.  
"Wrong house" Dylan blurts, and Sam hits him irritably.  
" _Owe_!"  
•••  
Jeanette takes Connor home, and it doesn't take long for Ken to start interrogating Sam.  
"You _snuck him up?!"_  
"No! He just had happened to sneak out when he came over...You knew he was going to be here!"  
" _Yeah,_ but I didn't think he was going to _sneak_ over. If Jeanette told him no then you both should have waited to see each other." Ken clarifies.  
"Yeah, but, she's being really overprotective. He had no choice."  
"Well I wonder _why_! Her and I both have the right to know about what's going on behind our backs."  
"Dad, chill. I mean, c'mon how old were _you_ when you started doing that stuff..."  
"That's not the issue.  The issue is that you boys tried sneaking around."  
"Well it's her fault, alright? She's the one that 'doesn't want us being alone'."  
"Well why didn't you tell me or Dylan that he was coming over?"  
_"To be alone_!"  
"Jesus" Ken whispers, rolling his eyes.  
"Why does she feel the need to be so overprotective, though? It's not like you're using him, and all that matters is that you're being safe."  
Sam's ears turn red out of embarrassment.  
"I dunno. I mean, we are young, but...Her boyfriend's the one who found the texts...He probably talked her into it."  
"You don't sound too happy about him."  
"I'm not. Connor isn't, either."  
"Well has he told her that? I mean, if you didn't like some woman _I_ was seeing I would sure listen to you."  
"I don't know...And even if he did, something tells me that she wouldn't listen." Chills run down Sam's spine, as he says that.  
Ken fixes hisself some ice water, before Sam decides to speak up again.  
"And by the way, Dad, it's called 'bareback' for a reason."  
He chokes.  
Just after Sam arrogantly smirks, a rock comes smashing through their window. They jump, and look down at the mess of glass, and the single rock on their kitchen floor.  
"What the hell was that?!" Ken asks.  
"My catapult works!" They hear Dylan beam.  
•••  
Connor's lucky enough to not get his phone taken away yet, so he can talk to Erin about the entire situation.  
"I mean, I don't get it. Richard probably lied to her about some shit, and that's why she's getting all protective."  
"You really think it's the guy's fault?" Erin asks, peacefully sitting on her bed.  
"Yes. _Trust me._ He's an _asshole_."  
"Well have you told her that you don't like him?"  
"Yeah. She won't listen."  
"That's not good, Connor. A parent should listen to their child when they say they don't like the person they're with." Erin lectures steadily.  
"Yeah...I don't wanna talk about it...Um, have you thought of what to do about Aaron?"  
"Yeah. I'm gonna break up with him...Tell him that there's someone else."  
"Well, _is_ there?" He wonders.  
She tries to fight off the knots in her stomach.  
"Um, I'm not seeing someone else, but...There's some other guy I like."  
"Who?" Connor asks, just before Jeanette yells his name.  
"Shit. That's my Mom."  
"Okay...Good luck. I gotta go anyway."  
"Wait, Erin."  
But she hangs up. As Jeanette's footsteps make their way down the hallway, he takes the phone from his ear before his eyes widen.  
"Oh my God..." He whispers, putting two and two together.  
Jeanette bursting into his room has him jump.  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so crazy."  
He's taken aback by her sudden remorse.  
"Yeah, I agree..."  
"But-"  
He sighs.  
"I just want to make sure that if you guys do start-"  
"Oh my God. _Mom. Mom. Mom._ " He stands up from his bed, and starts slowly pushing her away.  
"Connor-"  
"Bye Mom I love you." He shuts the door in her face, doing what he can to avoid their dreaded conversation.  
"Sheesh." He whispers.  
That night, the boys add each other on snapchat.  
•••  
July 21st:  
"Sam, I don't think Erin's just breaking up with Erin because he's too old for her..." Connor speaks discreetly to him on the phone, as he walks in circles around the kitchen.  
"What other reason could there be...?" Sam asks.  
"I think she likes you..."  
Sam almost bursts out laughing. "Connor, Erin could never even like me if she _wanted_ to. Remember when I had that crush on her for a little while?"  
"Yeah, but..." Connor sees Richard walk into the room from the garage, and he resists the urge to roll his eyes. "Things could have changed; you never know..." He can still feel Richard's piercing eyes on him.  
"I gotta go..."  
"Okay...Talk later."  
They hang up, and Connor turns to him.  
"My Mom's not here." Is all he says to him.  
"Talking to Sam?"  
"Yuh-huh." Connor makes sure to speak with sass.  
"Hm."  
"That a problem?" Connor tests, raising an eyebrow.  
"Because, I could tell my Mom if it was...She wouldn't be very happy." He now speaks innocently.  
"I bet she'd have a hard time believing that."  
"If there's anything my Mom's not, it's vulnerable.  
You think you have her wrapped around your finger? Newsflash: you _don't, dick._ Dick is still a nickname for Richard, right? I figured I should just start calling you that. I dunno, makes sense to me."  
As a punishment for his words, Connor is slapped straight across the face.  
"If only I could slap the fag right out of ya."


	26. Trapped:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when you thought it couldn't get worse...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few days. I apologize for the wait <3  
> TRIGGER WARNING-physical abuse, physiological torture

Chapter Twenty Six: Trapped  
July 22nd:  
That night, Connor barely slept. He was in constant worry of what would happen if he let this continue. Should be even _bother_ to tell his Mom? Would she even _believe_ him? What if Richard starts hitting _her_? Connor could _not_ let that happen.  
It's either he tells her now, or things get more worse than they already are.  
•••  
The next morning, after briefly waking up from sleeping in, Connor texts Sam that he'll be sleeping for half the day. After learning that he'll be going to Erin's, he remembers the distinct possibility that she could possibly like him.  
 **Tell her I say hi. He texts him.  
Will do. Don't get too jealous, now.** Sam teases him.  
Connor scoffs. **You wish. Talk later, beautiful.**  
After sending the text, he sets his phone back down and goes back to sleep.   
•••  
Sam arrives at Erin's, trying not to show that he's a tad uncomfortable when he greets her.  
"You alright?" Erin asks, noticing the uneasy look on his face.  
"Yeah, uh..." He decides to cut to the chase.  
"Uh..."  
She raises her eyebrows.  
"Connor thinks...That...You..." He trails off, not wanting to finish the sentence.  
Her face turns into an instant panic.  
"Oh my God, uh..." Her cheeks flush.   
"Is it that obvious?" She asks.  
"Not to _me_ , but...He seemed to figure it out."   
Her face changes from red to pale, and she looks away in humiliation. "Oh my _God_ -" She sighs, running her hands over her face.  
She looks back at him.  
"I would _never_ wanna hurt you, Sammy." She assures right away.  
" _You_ hurt _me_? Erin _I_ would never wanna hurt _you_. You can't help how you feel, but...I can't either. You've always been my best friend."  
"What are you talking about?" She's now confused.  
"I just don't have those kind of feelings for you anymore, Erin."  
"Wait, what?" She asks.  
"What?" He repeats.  
"I don't like you, Sam..."  
"Oh..." He feels embarrassed for making such automatic assumptions.  
"Is that what Connor thinks?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well I don't."  
"Oh. Okay...Good. Well, you know what I mean."  
"Yeah." She chuckles. "Why would he think that?"  
"I dunno, he just said that you've been acting weird..."  
"Oh. Well it's just the stuff that's been going on with Aaron, I guess." She fibs.  
"I get ya. I gotta use the bathroom."   
She nods, and watches in despair when he walks away.  
Her father, who just happened to eavesdrop on their conversation, walks into the room.  
"So, you don't like Sam?"  
"No..." She answers, still having a look of devastation on her face.  
"Then what's wrong?" He crosses his arms.  
"It's Connor."  
"What?"  
Studying his daughter who now looks scared, more than anything, he waits for her to speak.  
"It's Connor I like..."  
•••  
Connor cautiously walks downstairs, in preparation to see Jeanette.   
But instead, he sees the one and only Richard, raiding their refrigerator.  
"What are you doing here?" He asks him.  
Chills run down Connor's spine, when they make eye contact.  
"Nice to see you again..." Richard crosses his arms, closing the refrigerator door. "You weren't planning on telling your mother about our little incident, were you?"  
"What if I _did_?" Connor tries not to show fear.  
"Then I'd just have to tell her what _you_ said to _me_."  
"I'm pretty sure a slap in the face is worse than a few insults, Richard. Sorry- _dick_."  
This has Richard pull him by his shirt.  
Connor's breath hitches, heart now pounding.  
"Listen, faggot. If you utter a _word_ , to your mother; I just might have to put my hands on _her_."  
"If you lay a _hand_ on her, I swear to _God_ I'll-"  
"You'll _what_?"  
Connor has the nerve to step back.  
"I'll get rid of you. And I'll make sure of it."  
Richard laughs.   
"It's funny how you think you can get rid of me, when _you're_ the one that needs to worry about getting rid of."  
"Why? Because I'm _gay_? Fuck you."  
Another slap.  
Just after that, Jeanette walks in with a big smile on her face.  
"Hey sweetie, didn't see you were up!" She smiles.   
Nodding casually, his eyebrows raise.  
"Good morning..."  
But it most certainly wasn't a good morning.  
•••  
That evening, the boys finally get around to making plans together.  
"Can I go to your place? Sorry; Dylan's just being _really_ annoying." Sam says to him over the phone.  
Locked in his room, Connor chortles. "Um..." He thinks about the fact that Richard is still there.  
"Okay. Maybe we can take a walk or something." He suggests, wanting to get as far away from Richard as possible.  
"Sounds cool. My Dad says I can go. See you soon?" Sam asks hopefully.  
"Yeah. Can't wait."  
They both hang up with smiles on their faces.  
•••  
When Connor asks Jeanette if Sam can come over, downstairs, he notices the uptight look on Richard's face.  
"Oh, yeah sure!" She beams, grinning widely.  
Connor's enlightened by her positivity.  
"You promise you're not gonna be all overprotective, right?" He makes sure.  
"Why Connor I'm your mother I-"  
"Mom. _Please_." He begs, making her chuckle. "Alright, alright. But keep your door open."  
He resists the urge to roll his eyes.  
"Yes Mom."  
•••  
Right when Sam comes over, he can instantly notice how uncomfortable Richard makes Connor.  
"Is this why you wanted to take a walk...?" He asks, taking his hand as they walk down the road past his house. "To avoid him?"  
"Yeah...He's just..."  
"Just what?" Sam asks, just as they stop walking.  
"Has he said anything to you...?"  
"He's homophobic..." Is the only thing Connor can merely admit, for now.  
"What-then _tell_ your Mom!" Sam raises his voice in shock.  
"I can't..."  
"Why the _hell_ not?"  
"He makes her happy..."  
"Connor, as a mother, she should know that your happiness comes before hers. Alright? I don't want things go get worse than they already are."  
' _Too late._ ' Connor thinks.   
"Listen..." He takes both his hands.  
"Things are gonna be fine, alright? Don't worry..." He kisses his nose.  
"Tell me about you. How was Erin?"  
"Weird." Sam answers hesitantly, knowing Connor's avoiding the subject.  
"Weird how?"  
"She says she doesn't like me. I believe her, but...Something's still going on."  
Connor nods. "You should talk to her. She trusts you."  
He nods back. "I know..."  
"And I trust you too." Connor finishes.   
Sam smiles at him.   
"I trust you too..." He smiles even more.  
"Connor...You know you can tell me anything, right? And I mean _anything_."  
Connor's smile turns weak. "Yeah...I know. Same goes for you, Sammy."  
Sam giggles, and Connor's smile turn real, again.   
Temporarily, at least.  
•••  
Returning from their walk, they assume that both Jeanette and Richard are both asleep, seeing that the lights are off.   
"Is he seriously staying the night?" Sam asks irritably. "Guess so." Connor mutters, before looking at him. "They're probably both asleep" he suggests, smirking.  
Sam grins, and Connor can barely even get the door open due to how focused they are on kissing each other.  
Stepping into the dark house together with their lips still locked and eyes closed, they jump at the cold presence of Richard standing across the room.  
"Hey...Uh..." Connor starts, fear of how he's going to react, running through his body.  
The same goes for Sam.  
"Where's my Mom?" Connor asks.  
"Upstairs, asleep. I said I'd wait for you two to get back. It's gettin' late, don't you think? You have a curfew?" He looks directly at Sam, whose face reddens with anxiety.  
"Um...My Dad's probably picking me up in a few minutes."  
Connor's stomach drops.  
•••  
Watching Sam leave, Connor's almost on the verge of terrified tears.  
"Um, I'm gonna go to bed. Thanks for waiting for us." He avoids eye contact, when walking past Richard in hopes for the staircase.  
"Wait just a goddamn minute."  
He freezes, sweat now dripping down his skin. Hot tears blur his vision. He's tired of trying to look bold.   
Richard gives Connor big three purple bruises, on his stomach. He grunts in anger, hearing Connor quietly whimper in pain.  
"Your mother asks?" He starts, pulling a tear stained face Connor by his shirt.  
He trembles.  
"You say Sam."  
Connor's pupils shrink. "No..." He shakily refuses.  
"Anyone else asks? It's your goddamn mother that's doing that to you. Understand?"  
He only nods.  
"Or I'll beat the shit out of her in front of you." Richard finishes, having more tears leave Connor's eyes. He finally has the nerve to look away, unable to take looking into his eyes anymore.  
"Glad we had this chat." Is all Richard says, before taking his grip off Connor's shirt, and walking right out of the house.  
•••  
Too scared to sleep alone, Connor sneaks into Jeanette's bed. Seeing that she's fast asleep, he wraps his arms around her tight, and cries into her shoulder, as quietly as he can.  
"He hurt me, Mom." Is all he can whimper.  
He doesn't know which hurts most-knowing that she can't hear him, or knowing that she never will when awake.


	27. We're Gonna Be On Your Radar:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeanette breaks up with Richard, but not for the reasons you think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while since the last update. I hope you guys enjoy it <3 thanks for the reads, kudos and comments :) I'm truly blessed and grateful.

Chapter Twenty Seven: We're Gonna Be On Your Radar:  
July 23rd:  
Jeanette wakes up in wonder, to why Connor is sleeping next to her with his arms wrapped tightly around her body.   
With a light sigh, she gently ruffles his hair, before untangling him from around her and stepping out of bed.  
About ten minutes later, while she's simply downstairs preparing coffee, Connor wakes up upstairs in an instant panic.  
"Mom?" He raises his voice, in a questioning frenzy to where she could possibly be.  
" _Mom_!" He yells, practically jumping out of bed, and rushing downstairs to find her.  
"Mom!" He exclaims in relief, once seeing her downstairs.  
She jumps, at the giant squeeze he gives her.  
"Is-is everything okay, sweetie...?" She wonders, making sure to lightly hug him back.  
"Uh...Yeah." He hesitantly pulls away, and sets his arms to his sides.  
"I just...Had a dream that I couldn't find you..." He claims. "So that's why I slept in your bed...And when I woke up you were gone, so, I got scared." He concludes the lie.  
"You know I would never leave you."   
She brings him closer, kissing his forehead.  
Usually, Connor would recoil to affection such as this, but now, he sure as hell knows not to take any of it for granted.  
"Um...I'm gonna get ready." He steps back from her.  
"Okay, you gonna see Sammy today?"  
"Yeah. I hope to." He smiles briefly, at the thought of him.  
"I love you..." He finds himself saying, looking into her eyes deeply.  
While she's surprised that he's being so sentimental, Jeanette will take all the love from her usually distant fourteen year-old that she can get.  
"Love you too, honey..." She can tell that it's not just the 'dream he had' that's bothering him. She's staring to think that there wasn't even any dream at all.  
"Um-um-what are your plans today?" He asks with raised eyebrows, throat turning dry.  
"I'm gonna see Richard today." Instead of sounding happy when she speaks those words like she usually does, her tone is serious.  
She crosses her arms.  
Connor's pupils shrink.   
"Is everything alright...?"  
"I've been thinking about what you said, and, you're right. Him and I just don't seem to...Fit. Your happiness comes first, Connor. Even before mine."  
"What-what are you saying?" He stutters, trying not to tremble.  
"I'm going to break up with him, honey."  
The worst scenarios enter Connor's head.  
 _He'll refuse. He'll hit her. Become emotionally attached. Control and manipulate her._  
"Honey, you okay?"  
"Um..."  
He doesn't know which would be worse.  
Jeanette staying with him, or Jeanette leaving him.  
"Do you not want me to do this? You weren't always his biggest fan." She chuckles lightheartedly.  
"Just...He seems to really like you. That's all. And...I don't want you getting hurt. He might not...Take it so well, that's all."  
"I'm sure he will. He's a very respectable man."  
Connor almost spits.  
"Well, I should be getting ready." She announces.  
With only two steps taken away from him, Connor stops her.  
"Yes...?" She turns around with concerned eyes.   
"I love you."  
•••  
After Jeanette's left Connor alone, to break it off with Richard, all he can do is worry.   
_What if he refuses. What if he beats her. What if he comes after me? Accusing that I told her about the beating when in reality she knows nothing about it. What if, what if, what if..._ His thoughts consume him into a panic.  
He wants to tell someone that he's scared. And most importantly: why.  
Maybe if he takes the breakup well, and they never talk again, he'll tell her the roots of the situation.   
But that will anger her, having her try to report him; only sucking him back into their lives.  
He needs to stop worrying. There are only so many things that can go wrong, just like there are only so many things that can go _right_.  
•••  
Hesitantly, and knowing she's at risk of letting her bombshell drop, Erin sees Sam.  
"Are you sure you're okay? You can tell me if something's bothering you." He insists to her, the two of them sitting on his couch, between eleven thirty and noon.  
"I'm fine...Just--girl stuff." She partially claims, knowing her uneasiness is showing.  
"Cramps?"  
"Not _that_ kind of girl stuff."  
"Well then what is it...?" He studies her red facial expression, which repeatedly looks away from him.  
"Oh my _God_ -you _like_ someone!" He exclaims, having her flinch with queasiness. She squeezes her eyes closed from embarrassment.  
" _Who is it?_ " He pries, a grin sneaking across his face.  
"No one." Her eyes open, and she forces herself to make direct eye contact with him.  
"Bullshit. Come on; _tell me!"_  
"Sam, _no_ -"  
"Why not? You can tell me _anything, Erin."_  
She waits a matter of seconds to speak.  
"It's Connor..."  
He loses all feel in his palms. His eyes slowly grow bigger with each second.  
" _What_...?"  
•••  
Connor quietly signs of relief, when he sees Jeanette walk back into the house alive and breathing.  
"How'd it go...?" He asks, watching her set her keys and purse down on the table.  
"He took it well." She starts, looking at him.  
He can breathe steadily, again.  
"That's great...Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm cool." He can tell her smile is forced.   
"It's just gonna take me some time to settle, that's all." She clarifies.  
He walks over and hugs her. "You'll find someone, Mom. Someone that's...Worth it."  
"Thank you, baby." She whispers, squeezing him back.  
"And hey-it could be a lot worse."   
Heart dropping at the sound of her words, his body stills.  
"Yeah...It could."  
•••  
That night, the boys see each other.  
"Everything okay?" Connor wonders, being able to tell that something's bothering Sam, when he has that stress stricken look on his face. They stand in the room that he shares with Dylan, just before his own bed.   
"Yeah." He claims, looking at him and forcing a smile. He grabs his hand. Connor brings him closer to him.   
"I have good news." He assures.  
Sam raises his eyebrows in amusement.  
"My Mom broke it off with Richard."  
His eyebrows rise farther. "Really? Did you tell him that he's an ass?"  
"Well, no. She just figured out that they are not meant to be, and he took it well."  
"So you're just never gonna tell her about the beef you guys had?"  
"It's best she doesn't know. She's already under enough stress." Connor considers.  
"Well good." Sam wraps his arms around him.  
"Your Mom deserves to be with someone that makes both of you happy."  
Connor smiles at him. "Thank you...So, since were on the subject of this whole thing, is your Dad seeing anyone?"  
Sam scoffs, in response.   
"He will be soon, if he actually _grows_ a pair and makes a move on our neighbor that's clearly into him." He answers, moving away from Connor and sitting down on his bed.   
Connor can't help but guffaw, before sitting down next to him.  
"He like her?" He asks.  
"He looks at her like the _stars_ shine inside her fuckin' eyes...Couldn't remember the last time he looked at my mother like that to save my life."   
Connor chuckles merely, taking his hand.  
"Well it's nice to know that he looks at her like I can't help but look at you."  
Sam grins.  
"You look at me like stars shine out of my eyes?"  
"Your eyes _are_ pretty bright."  
His comment makes them both laugh.  
"C'mere" Sam whispers, bringing him closer and kissing his lips lightly.  
Connor smiles, kissing him back harder, and laying him down onto the bed.   
Climbing on top of him, he seems to forget the bruises on his stomach; throwing off his shirt as their kiss deepens and breathing becomes heavier.  
Sam pulls away for air with a smirk, before they both sit up and he looks at Connor's chest.  
Eyes lowering down, he freezes once he sees what Connor so foolishly forgot about.  
"What are those...?" He points to the bruises.  
Connor's face pales, suddenly realizing what he means, and remembering his injuries.  
"Sam, now is not the time for memes."  
" _Connor_."   
"Ummmm...You're gonna _laugh_ at this."  
"I'm not laughing." Sam crosses his arms.  
"Sammy, it's okay..." He now knows that being comedic isn't helping his case.  
"Really, Connor? _This_ is not okay!" He gestures to the bruises.  
"There was an incident. With Richard, okay?"  
"I'm calling the cops." Sam says in an instant, standing up faster than Connor can witness.  
"Like _hell_ you _are_ " he declares, standing up with him and grabbing both his hands.  
"It's over, now. My Mom broke up with him, and he took it well. He _can't_ hurt me anymore, Sammy."  
"Does your Mom know about what happened?"  
"No, and she never will. She broke up with him 'cause she felt they didn't fit so _please please please_ don't worry about this."   
He squeezes his hands tight. " _Please_. He's out of our lives. I promise you."  
"Yeah, but, he's still a psychopath. He _hit_ you. He's _ignorant_. What if he just...Starts targeting someone else? We can't _let_ him get away with this. I don't _care_ if it was only  _two_ bruises."  
"And two slaps..." Connor weakly adds.  
Sam almost gawks. " _Connor_..." He brushes his cheek.  
"This is _bad_. He needs to be _locked up_ somewhere. Or at least needs some help. He could come _back_ for you guys...!" He fears the worst, lowering his voice.  
"That is not going to happen." Connor assures, though his heart almost stops pumping at the dreaded thought.  
"Now come on; my shirt is off and _this_ is what you're focusing on?" He smirks.  
"Not when you have _bruises_ on your stomach."  
"That doesn't turn you on?" Connor jokes.  
"Not when I know your mother's crazy _ex_ gave them to you."  
"Fine, then I guess I'll put my shirt back on, then-"  
"I never said that."  
Connor grins mischievously.  
He's about to kiss him again, when Sam steps back.  
"Wait..."  
"What is it?"  
"There's something...You should know..."  
Connor can only raise his eyebrows.  
"Erin likes you..."  
" _What_?"  
At that moment, Dylan walks in. Instead of cringing, like he usually would when he sees that Sam and Connor were in the 'middle of something', his eyes instantly trail down to Connor's stomach.  
"Are those _bruises_?"  
•••  
July 30th:  
Erin keeps quiet about her crush on Connor. She keeps telling herself it'll go away, like when Sam had a crush on her, but this time she doesn't know if she's so sure.  
She doesn't want Sam and Connor acting like less of a couple around her, because they both know about what's been going on.   
That's sure as hell what they've doing around her, lately.  
But just because this bombshell had affected them each individually-Connor feeling bad for not feeling the same way, Erin feeling bad for simply feeling the way she does in general, and Sam just feeling bad for both of them-that doesn't mean they still can't share personal things with each other.  
" _What_?!" Erin practically screams to Connor, that night, after being told that Richard had given him bruises.   
"Calm down, okay?" Sam, who's standing beside them on the floor of her room, asks.  
"His Mom broke up with him. He took it well, and they haven't talked since. He can't hurt him anymore." He tries coaxing her like Connor coaxed him.  
"Yeah, but...He's still _out_ there. The asshole still runs free." She worries, staring into space.  
"Is there some sort of way we can report him anonymously?" Sam asks.   
"No. The police would need proof that he actually did something, and I am _not_ bringing him back into our lives." Connor commands.  
Turning smug, Erin continues to look into space and think.  
"Connor your Mom's been to his house, right?"  
"Yeah, why...?" He squints suspiciously.  
"Does she still have her address?"  
"Erin what are you thinking..." Is all Sam can flatly ask, knowing she's up to something.  
A grin sneaks across her face.


	28. Master Minds:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teenagers scare the living shit out of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry my updating schedule's been hectic. But I hope you enjoy this more laid back chapter.

Chapter Twenty Eight: Master Minds:  
"Guys, I don't know about this...Can't we just stay home and watch movies...?" Sam nervously asks Connor and Erin, the three of them walking into Connor's house with announcement.  
"Mom Sam and Erin are here." He announces carelessly.  
"Hi guys how are you?" Jeanette kindly greets them, once they walk into the kitchen.  
"Good." Sam and Erin answer simultaneously.  
"What are you guys up too tonight?"  
"Um...We're just gonna take a walk...Around town." Connor answers.  
"It's a lovely night, don't you think?" Erin starts to stall.  
The boys give each other a signaling look. Sam gestures his hand, and Connor walks over to the nearest desk drawer.  
Erin continues talking to Jeanette, as Connor quietly rummages through the drawer.  
Envelops, bills, pens, mini pencil sharpeners, pencils themselves, and sharpies; but the only papers that contain addresses being for distant relatives and old friends.  
"Whatcha lookin' for honey?" Jeanette notices his actions.  
"Uh...Something for school."  
"School doesn't start for another month."  
"Uh...I meant the reading list for school." He claims.  
"Isn't one of our choices To Kill A Mockingbird?" Sam blabs.  
"Oh, I've read that." Speaks Jeanette.  
"Really? Tell me about it." Erin stalls more.  
Just as Jeanette wondrously summarizes the book to Erin, Connor mouths to Sam, 'check the office room.'  
Nodding, Sam interrupts the girls.   
"Could I use your bathroom real quick?"  
"Of course." Jeanette gives permission.  
Sam flashes a small grin, before going through with the plan.  
After about two minutes of vigorously and hastily checking the drawers, Sam re-checks a drawer he thought he already wiped clean more than two times.  
He stares down at the crumpled, white piece of paper.  
' _Richard's address:'_  
"Jackpot..."  
•••  
As Jeanette finishes summarizing  To Kill A Mockingbird to Erin who actually couldn't care less, Sam walks back into the room and holds up the paper to Connor from a distance.  
'Okay' he mouths with a thumbs up and a nod, before Sam shoves the paper into his pocket and walks closer to them.   
"Well we're gonna get going." He announces, looking at Erin and raising his eyebrows. She gets the idea.  
"Okay. Not too long, alright?" Jeanette says.  
They nod.   
"Thank you so much for telling me about the book..." Erin speaks slowly, putting her hands on her hips.  
"Anytime, dear."  
Sam quickly shows the paper to Erin, as they and Connor walk out of the house in a flash.  
•••  
"You sure you know where we're going?" Erin irritably asks Sam, as the two of them and Connor are strolling their way over to Richard's development.  
"Yes."  
"What are we even gonna do?" Connor decides to ask. "I dunno. Spy on him or something." Sam suggests.  
"I don't _wanna_ just spy on him. We need revenge!" Erin declares.  
"What if he's home?" Connor panics.  
"We'll think of something." Erin promises.  
Not liking where this is going to head, Connor can't help but gulp.  
•••  
Once Sam sees the same numbers on the house that he read on the paper, he points it out to them. "You sure?" Erin asks, the three of them stopping in front of the empty driveway.  
"Yeah. Zero zero zero eight." Sam clarifies off the top of his head.  
"It doesn't look like he's home." Erin says.  
"His car could still be in the garage." Connor suggests, really not wanting to go through with this.  
Sam looks at him.  
"He doesn't know who I am, right?" Erin asks them. "Erin, _what are you thinking._ " Sam demands freshly.  
"You two hide. I'll ring the doorbell and pretend to be a...Jehovah's Witness or something."   
"Great." Sam comments sarcastically.  
"Just go."  
So, the boys hide in front of the garage door for Erin's sake.  
"You alright?" Sam whispers to him, noticing Connor's very uneasy.   
"I just...Don't want to see him, that's all." Connor whispers, looking at him with a face full of fear.  
"You won't." Sam whispers, squeezing his hand. "I won't let him hurt you."  
Connor smiles.  
Their moment is ruined, by the noise of Erin repeatedly ringing the doorbell.  
"Is she kidding me..." Sam breathes out, having Connor make sure he laughs quietly.  
Almost thirty seconds pass by, and there's still no answer.  
"No one's here!" Erin yells out to them.  
Hands still intact, the boys stand up and jog over to her on the porch. "You sure?" Sam asks.  
"Yep." Erin begins looking through the glass door. "I don't see anyone."   
Sam and Connor join her, before they all pull their heads away a few seconds later.  
"So, now that we know no one's home, what now?" Connor asks.  
Erin only grins.   
They both glare at her.   
"This better be good." Sam says.  
"Believe me. It will."  
"Well we can't leave fingerprints." Connor speaks up.  
"Don't worry. Like I said, he doesn't know who I am. I'll do all the touching."  
The boys cringe.  
"What are you gonna do if the door's locked?" Sam tests her, crossing his arms.  
"I'll pick it."  
"With _what_?" Connor asks.   
"I'll figure it out." She snaps, and she's scoffed at.  
She pulls on the door handle, only to find out that the door is most certainly not locked.  
She scoffs. "Idiot." She speaks of Richard.  
"Let's go..." Sam whispers.  
One by one, they slowly enter the house. Erin quietly closes the door behind her.  
"Why is there plastic on the couch...?" Sam asks, instantly noticing and pointing to so.  
With a cringe, Connor stares at it.  
"He's a serial killer!" Erin exclaims, and the boys shush her.   
"Erin! _Shut up!"_ Sam screams.  
"Who's that? His Mom?" Erin asks, walking over to a small table that holds a framed picture of a smiling woman, who looks to be in her late sixties.  
"She looks too nice to be his mother." Sam says, making both Erin and Connor scoff.  
"I'm surprised that this is really his place." Connor observes, looking around the living room and entrance of the kitchen.  
"I guess I always just pictured it to be...Different."  
Down the staircase, walks the same woman in the framed picture.  
She shrieks at the teens presence.  
All tensing up and vigorously sweating, they alarmingly look at her.  
"Erin! You said no one was home!" Sam yells.  
"I didn't think there _was_!" She worriedly protests.  
"What are you kids doing here?!" The woman demands, repeatedly flinching at the sight of them.  
"Uh...We're...Jehovah's Witnesses...!" Is the first thing that comes to Erin's head.  
" _Erin_!" Both the boys exclaim.  
"Wait, so this isn't Richard's house?" Connor double checks.  
"No! He lives next door."  
"Ohhhhh yeah it's zero zero zero _nine_!" Sam realizes.  
He's glared at.  
"I can get him for you if you want-"  
"No." The teens interrupt together.  
"But-but I was ringing the doorbell earlier...!" Erin brings up.  
"My hearing aid must've been off."  
Connor spreads out his arms, scowling into space.  
Out of sheer panic, Sam takes off sprinting.  
" _Sam_!" Both Connor and Erin yell.   
He passes the woman on the stairs, and enters the second floor.   
Connor and Erin run after him, but Sam's already hidden in the hall closet.  
"I'll give you three one minute to leave or I'm calling the police!" Threatens the lady.  
This sends Connor into an anxiety attack. "Hey. Hey. Connor it's okay." Erin pulls him into the empty guest room, and makes him face her.   
"We're gonna get Sam and get out of here, okay? Sam!" She starts screaming for him.  
" _Quit being a pussy and get out here so we can leave!"_  
This only scares Connor more.   
"It's okay." She grabs his shoulders and brings him in for a hug.  
He hyperventilated into her shoulder, squeezing her right with comfort.  
Not being able to resist, with a grab of his face, Erin pecks his lips.  
For a few seconds, he can't even blink. His insides vibrate and his skin tingles.  
"Erin..." Is all he can say, knowing what just happened was wrong.  
"Nine one one yes I have three teenagers breaking into my home and I need police right away..."  
Hearing her make the call downstairs, they both freeze. "Oh shit."  
Oh shit, indeed.  
•••  
" _You idiot! The cops are on their way and it's all your fault! I'm going to kill you!"_ Erin shrieks to Sam, pulling him by his shirt after she and Connor had found him in the hallway closet. "Erin! _Stop_!" Connor demands, the three of them still standing before the now closed closet door.  
The mystery woman slowly makes her way up to them, her arms crossing.  
"They'll be here any minute, now. You think I'm going to stand for this? I won't. If any of you move, I'll be happy to use my pepper spray."  
Erin lets go of Sam's shirt, and he rightfully steps away from her. "Uh, you see ma'am, we weren't planning to break into your house. We were actually planning to-" Erin covers his mouth just in time. "Shut up." Connor grunts to him.  
"Richard, huh?" The woman puts the pieces together. "I see. What's your motive?"  
"Uhhh...He...Wasn't very kind to me when he was seeing my mother." Connor reveals.  
"Tell me about it." Sam whispers, after Erin takes her hand off of his mouth.  
"Not surprised. He's not a very charming man. I see right through him. Been living next to him for fourteen years. He's had a history of many women. Alcoholism. Secrets."  
Connor feels chills run down his spine.   
"Well she broke it off with him, so..."  
"Good. She'd be a fool to go back. Watch out for him, though. When he wants something...He gets it."  
"What are you talking about?" Erin asks.   
There's a bang on the downstairs front door.  
"Ah fuck." Is all Sam can say, knowing whose arrived.  
•••  
Erin lays on the cold, hard jail cell bench; dreadfully staring at the ceiling.  
Sam and Connor lay side by side on the floor, hands held tight.  
"Well this sucks..." He comments.   
"You know, if I had a harmonica, I would play it right now." Sam shares.  
"Sam shut up." Erin tells him.   
"You know, this was _your_ idea" he sasses, sitting up and glaring at her. "We had already gotten caught anyway."  
"Well _you're_ the reason she called the cops!" Erin retorts.  
"She would've done that _anyway_!"   
"Will you guys shut up?!" Connor asks.   
One of the officers that arrested them, walks over and unlocks the cell door.  
"Alright." He starts, sliding it open.  
"You get one phone call each."  
The teens stand up, practically tripping over themselves when running towards the one telephone on the wall.  
"We're calling Dylan." Sam insists instantly, snatching the phone off of its holder.  
" _No_ , we're calling my cousin. She'll get us out of this." Erin declares. "Give me the phone."  
" _No_!"  
"Enough!" Connor yells, taking the phone away from Sam.   
Another officer, walks into the area.  
"You've been bailed out." He announces, watching them in the middle of their argument and tug of war over the phone.  
In shock, they all drop it at once.  
"What...?" Erin asks, looking at the officer in a daze.   
"You're all free to go."  
The phone remains on the floor.  
•••  
"Who bailed us out?" Erin whispers to Sam, they and Connor walking towards the entrance of the building.   
"Does it look like I know such information?"  
They walk outside, for the big reveal.  
Connor loses his breath, seeing Richard sitting in his car parked before the curb.  
"Long time no see." He smirks directly at Connor.  
" _Officer_...?!" Erin decides to yell, to prevent the possibility of her fainting.  
But no officer hears her.  
"I saw a little incident take place next door..." Richard speaks.  
Connor only regains short amounts of breath.  
"I'm sure you did..."


	29. It Means We Take Care Of Each Other:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They take care of each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That title make your heart break? No? Looks like you're not shameless.

Chapter Twenty Nine: It Means We Take Care Of Each Other:  
Before the situation can get worse than it already is, Erin starts screaming.  
"Listen here bozo; we know what you did to Connor so _BACK OFF!"_  
Sam almost falls over from the noise booming into his ear.  
"Erin! _Stop it!_ " Connor grunts, trying not to shake.   
"Oh, don't think about that. I'm just here to make up for it."  
Connor cringes. "Okay. Sure." He doesn't believe so.  
"Now that you guys are off scot free, can I give you rides home?"  
" _No_. I don't know what your deal is, but _leave_. And _stay away_ from my mother." Connor retorts.  
"Where are your manners? A thank you would be nice."  
Connor's scared that if he keeps acting smart, Richard will plan revenge.  
"Thank you...We can walk home..."  
Sam and Erin gaze at him.  
"Alrighty, then. Good seeing you again."   
And with that, Richard speeds off.   
Sam and Erin continue their gazes on Connor, who's now sulking into space with pale skin and a dry mouth.   
"Connor...?" Erin asks him.  
Face suddenly red and overheated, Connor hurls all over the grass they stare on.  
Erin gawks in despair, while Sam's expression softens, causing him to rest his hand on Connor's back.  
"It's okay..." They watch Connor retch, still bent down towards the ground.   
"C'mere." He has him stand up straight, before turning him around and bringing him in for a hug.   
"He won't hurt you." He gives a kiss to the side of his neck. "I'll make sure of that."  
"Connor, I'm _sorry_. If I didn't come up with this _stupid_ idea _none_ of this would be happening." Erin's voice shows remorse and guilt.   
"It's fine..." Sam and Connor end their hug, and he looks at her.   
"You care about me." He points out, having her blush.  
They all turn stiff.   
Breaking their moments of awkward, pregnant silence; the same officer that had watched them in their jail cell walks out before them.  
"You kids need a ride home?" He questions.   
"Sure..." The three answer together, before all looking at each other awkwardly.  
•••  
Erin sits in the middle of the boys. Connor tries to fight his exhaustion, refusing to fall asleep. He slightly leans over onto Erin, which makes her heart drop.  
"So, what made you think it was...A good idea to break into this house?" Asks the officer, who's driving to Erin's house first.  
"Um...We were actually meaning to break into the house next door but we got the addresses mixed up." Sam clarifies.  
" _You_. Got the addresses mixed up." Erin states to him blatantly.  
Connor laughs silently.  
"The lady that lived into the house we didn't mean to break into is actually really nice." Sam finishes.  
"I see...Now why exactly did you want to break into the other house?"  
"Because the guy that lives there is a cuck." Erin answers.  
"A cuck?" The officer's confused.   
"Yeah..."  
"Sheesh. You white kids have no limits." He mutters.  
"We know." Connor agrees.  
"Why exactly is this guy a 'cuck'? Anything I should be looking into?" The officer makes sure.  
Connor sits up, beginning to sweat.   
"Um..."  
Intensely waiting to hear what he has to say, Sam and Erin stare at him.  
"No."  
' _Nothing you could prove, anyway_.' He thinks.  
"Alright, then." He pulls up the curb outside of Erin's house.  
"No more stupid shit, okay?" He has her promise.  
"Yes sir...Bye guys..." She only looks at the boys for a quick moment. Taking off her seatbelt, she opens her door and leaves.  
They watch her return inside her house.  
"Is she okay?" Sam whispers.  
"Yeah...She's just shaken up, that's all." Connor claims, knowing the real reason why she's acting the way she is.  
•••  
They're now off to Connor's house, who's leaning on Sam's shoulder and dazed off to sleep.  
"You want me to drop you two off separately? Or together?" Sam hears the officer ask him.  
"Uh..."   
They make eye contact through the rear view mirror.  
"Together."  
He nods. "Alright." He turns around and takes a right turn in the direction of Connor's house.  
Not caring if he sees or not, Sam slowly ruffles his hand through Connor's hair.  
•••  
"You're burning up." Sam informs him, as they stumble through Connor's dining room on the way to the staircase.   
"I'm fine..." he lies, having no choice but to hang onto Sam so he doesn't pass out.  
"We're laying you down. You're sick."  
"I don't have time to be sick."  
Sam sighs at his answer, just before they walk by Jeanette sleeping on the living room couch.   
"C'mon" he mutters, before practically dragging Connor up the staircase.  
He pulls him all the way to his room, and plops him down on his bed.  
"You want the blanket over you?"  
"No I'm too hot."   
Sam walks over and turns on the ceiling fan. "I'm getting you water." He announces.  
"Sammy you don't have to do everything I can get myself stuff-" Connor slurs his words, trying to stand up and falling to the ground.  
"You can't even _walk_. Just let me take care of you." Sam walks back over to him and helps him up, setting him back on top of the comforter.  
"Besides your fever what else is bothering you?"  
"Well, for one-"  
"Physically."  
"Chills. My stomach."   
"Do you feel like you're gonna throw up again?" Sam places his palm on top of Connor's forehead.   
"No. I'm just nauseous."  
"Okay. I'll try to find something that can help with that. You gotta appetite?"  
"Not really."  
Sam lightly touches the back of his hand, before leaving the room.  
While Connor may be sick physically, Sam sure is helping him heal emotionally.  
"I found Pepto. It's not expired." He announces, walking back inside the room with a bottle of so and a glass of ice water along with a spoon; just under five minutes later.   
"That stuff tastes disgusting." Connor mutters, trying to rest his eyes.  
"Drink some water before you take it. Your mouth will be cold and it'll lack the taste." Sam waits for him to slowly sit up, before giving the glass.  
"Why is there so much ice?" Connor stares at the ice inside as if it's some sort of bomb.  
"The colder the better."  
Connor can't help but snicker, before gulping down four mouthfuls.  
"Ready for the big guns?" Sam asks, pouring a spoonful of the pink liquid into the spoon.  
"How many spoonfuls do I have do I have to take?"  
"Two."  
"Since when are you a doctor?"  
"I'm not a doctor; I just read instructions."  
Connor smiles at him.  
"It'll take two seconds. One. Two." Sam holds the spoon back.  
"Uh-uh I actually think the nausea is going away-"  
Sam shoves the spoon inside his mouth so he'll stop talking.   
Slowly forcing himself to swallow it, Connor cringes. "Uck. I'm gonna puke again." He says, after Sam takes the spoon out.  
"You are _not_." He remarks, pouring in another spoonful.   
"I think one is enough."  
"If you can take one you can another. Choo choo, bitch." Sam shoves the spoon inside his mouth again, and this time Connor gags at the taste. Once it's all in his mouth, Sam pulls away the soon.  
"Ugh, I gotta wash it down." He says, the liquid still in his mouth when he grabs his water.  
"No; the water will make the pepto dissolve." Sam says, taking it away from him. He sets down the spoon.  
"Well that's stupid!" Connor yells.  
"Just _swallow it!"_ Is all Jeanette hears from upstairs, after waking up from her mouth. Thinking she's hearing things, she shrugs and goes back to sleep.  
After Connor finally listens to him, Sam scoffs.   
"You're such a stubborn bitch" he teases, climbing into the bed next to him.  
"Mm, I don't wanna get you sick." Connor mutters, after Sam has his head rest on his chest.  
"I'll be fine." Sam says with content, before wrapping his arms around him and kissing his still burning forehead.  
"Get some sleep."  
"So what; you're just gonna watch me?" Connor teases, smiling at him.  
"Shut up." Sam smiles, and they burst out laughing.  
Physically sick but emotionally content, Connor drifts off in a peaceful sleep.  
•••  
In the middle of the night, Connor isn't the one who wakes up in an abrupt fright.  
"What's wrong?" Connor-who's feeling less nauseated and overheard-whispers, slowly sitting up when he sees Sam panting and leaking with sweat.  
"Nothing..." He breathes out, turning his attention to him.   
"You feeling better?"  
"That doesn't matter right now. Did you have a nightmare?"  
"It's not a big deal." Sam mutters angrily, looking away with retorting eyes.  
He's slowly becoming more and more detached from himself, and not in his good way.  
"You take your meds?" Connor gets out.  
"Does it fucking _matter_?!" Sam actually raises his voice, looking over and scowling at him.  
"Sam...! This isn't you, okay? Just lay down..." Connor whispers.  
"I can take care of my fucking self, okay?" He snaps.  
"Sam-"  
"Quit trying to fucking _talk to me!_ " Sam yells, finally getting up and out of the bed.   
The door opens, scaring the two boys. Connor's heart lurches in his chest.  
Inside, steps Jeanette.   
"Mom..." Connor breathes out, sighing of relief.  
"What are you boys doing up? Last time I checked you were both sleeping."  
Connor's surprised by the fact that Jeanette would even let them simply sleep next to each other, but definitely  isn't complaining.  
"Sam didn't take his meds..." He shyly admits.  
"Don't fucking _tell_ her that!" Sam shouts.  
"Okay; sweetie, calm down." Jeanette tries to tell him.  
"I can't fucking _calm_ down!" Sam's now crying, when he stomps his way out of the room.  
"Sammy." Connor gets up, ignoring his body aches and following him out into the hallway.  
Jeanette's the last one out of the room.  
They all stand before the edge of the staircase. Sam only cries harder, bursting into hysterics, even.   
"It's okay, Sammy. Just gimme your hand and we'll lead you back to bed." Jeanette lightly touches his side.  
That touch leads him to give her an instinctive swift kick; that swift kick sending her down the staircase.


	30. Slowly But Surely:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll are gonna kill me lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy thanksgiving! I'm thankful for the love and appreciation you all give for this fic (for some reason). But if you were amused by this chapter, PLEASE comment, because your comments REALLY REALLY motivate me to write, and even help my writers block! I hope you all enjoy. Have a gobble gobble day!

Chapter Thirty: Slowly Yet Surely:  
August 1st:  
Connor lurches upwards, body sweating and eyes moist. The sound of his heavy pants, have Sam open his eyes and roll over.   
"What happened?" He mutters, sitting up. He touches his wrist.  
"You feel okay?"   
"I..." Connor gulps. "I had a nightmare." He faces him.  
"What about?" Sam sits up more, taking both of Connor's sweaty hands.  
"Um...You weren't on your meds...You pushed my Mom down the stairs..." Connor feels ashamed to even summarize it, scared that Sam's going to think that that's all Connor thinks of him as. A boy with a problem.   
But he's not even that.   
Sam's not what he thinks he is. He's better than he sees himself as. Connor wishes every day that he'd realize that.  
"Oh..." Sam is surprised by such description, but at the same time wonders if the fact that Connor worries about him should be new information.  
It most certainly is not. Neither is the other way around.  
"I'm okay, Con'. I'm--all medicated."   
They both chuckle.  
"I know...I guess I just worry about you a lot. That's all. If you're ever...Not on your meds...I'll do my best to calm you down and take care of you. I promise." He assures.  
Sam smiles at him. "Thank you...Um, if I ever say something--that's really fucked up...Just know that it's not me saying it. I don't mean to lash out, or break down..."  
"You can't help it." Connor finishes warmly.   
"C'mere." He whispers, bringing him closer. Sam rests the side of his head on top of Connor's chest, feeling his heartbeat with his ear.  
"You sound better...Feels like your fever went down."  
"Yeah." Connor squeezes his hand. "Still got some body aches, but I'll be fine."  
Sam sits up, and looks down at him. "Listen..." He whispers.  
"I _know_ what it's like, okay? I know what it's like to have nightmares about things, to feel scared all the time; trapped. I've been there. Sometimes I still _am_ there." He lightly touches his cheek.  
"This whole Richard thing, I know it's scaring you. You can _always_ tell me if you feel scared. It feels like you're always the one looking after me. I have _no_ problem with looking out for you, either."  
In response, Connor can only cry at the thought of something terrible happening to his mother. "I _am_ scared...I don't want him back here. I want him _gone_. He knows what he's doing to me."  
"Your Mom knows not to go back to him. _Your_ happiness is first, Connor." Sam insists, slowly wiping away his tears.  
"It's okay. I got you."  
He lays back down next to him, before scooping him up into his arms.  
Connor chuckles lightly.   
"You're smaller than me. This doesn't feel right." He teases.  
Sam playfully shushes him. "Don't care. Wanna hold you." He lets Connor rest his head on top of his chest.  
"You're amazing, Connor." He mutters tiredly, rubbing his knuckles with the tips of his fingers.  
Eyes closed, he smiles at the ceiling.   
"I think I got you sick."  
Sam tries not to laugh too loudly.  
In Connor's dream, Jeanette may have been fine with the boys sleeping next to each other.  
"What the hell is going on here?" She asks, arms crossed after she abruptly walks into the room.   
Connor's heart drops at the sight of her. His mind instantly goes back to what happened in his dream. "Mom..." He whispers.  
"Uh we were just sleeping together." Sam mutters, mind going blank.  
Jeanette straightens her posture, eyebrows raising at Sam's words.  
"Uh-not _that_ kind of sleeping together..." Connor corrects, trying not to glare at him.  
"I'm sick. So Sammy took care of me." He finishes.  
"You're sick? What's wrong?" She instantly turns sympathetic, walking over and feeling his forehead. He tries his best not to let out an irritable exhale.  
"My fever went down. It's just body aches now." He informs.  
"Oh, well..." She takes her hand away, looking over at Sam, whose eyes grow big with fear.  
"Thank you, Sam."  
He nods cautiously. "Of course."  
"I just feel bad because I fell asleep. I could tell you were home but I kept falling back asleep." She says.   
"It's cool. Even if Sam wasn't here I would've been fine."  
"So, how was your walk?" She turns cherry.  
"Um...Good." Connor and Sam try to not look so suddenly suspicious.  
This makes Jeanette think that they want their privacy.  
"Okay, I get it. I'll let you cuddle."  
" _Mom_." Connor grunts, and Sam almost snorts.  
When she leaves, that's exactly what they do.  
•••  
"So how's Erin?" Jeanette asks that morning, focusing on washing her hands while Connor and Sam eat cereal at the table.  
Cereal that Connor almost coughs up.  
"She's acting weird." Sam announces, just as Jeanette turns off the sink.   
"Do you think she still likes you?" Sam asks curiously, looking over at him.   
Connor's face turns a combination of colors. "Ummmm..."  
Sam raises his eyebrows in response.  
"Did something happen?"  
"She kissed me..." Connor reveals shyly.  
"What?" Sam almost drops his spoon.  
"Uh isn't this usually the time of the morning when you take your meds...?" Jeanette asks nervously, not wanting there to be an incident.  
"They're at home. I didn't plan to spend the night..." He shares, taking another bite of his breakfast. "Does your Dad even know you're here?" Connor asks him. "I texted him last night."  
"Well how long do you think you can go without your meds...?" Connor continues,  staring to worry about what could happen.  
"A few more hours, I guess?" Sam estimates.   
"And you're sure?" Jeanette wants a confirmation.   
"Yeah. So Erin really kissed you?" That's all Sam's focused on right now. He squeezes the spoon he continues to hold.  
"Sam, it's okay. She'll...She'll get over me..." Connor tries denying the reality of the situation.  
"What if she _doesn't_? I don't want this to _ruin_ anything." Sam panics.  
"Let's change the subject." Jeanette decides. "How do you boys feel about starting high school in a few weeks?"  
Sam cringes. "Oh. Yeah. I almost forgot. Yikes." He remembers.  
"I literally could not care less." Connor speaks, standing up and taking his milk filled cereal bowl over to the sink.  
"I'll drink your milk if you're not going to." Sam raises his hand.  
"Here." Connor sets the bowl in front of him.  
"Yay."  
"I know you just want to get it over with, but it'll go by faster than you think." Jeanette starts.  
"Good." Connor sits back down next to his boyfriend.  
"But you'll miss it. Because life will only get harder." His mother continues.   
" _Harder_? I already feel like I'm literally going to die from stress enough." Sam vents.  
"That's because you're a teenager."  
"Don't remind me." He mutters, before drinking the milk out of Connor's bowl in one gulp.  
Connor furrows his brow, but also smiles at the same time.  
•••  
Upstairs, laying down on his bed while staring at the ceiling, Connor holds Sam in his arms. "You sure you're feeling better enough for Erin to come over?" Sam looks up and over at him.  
"Yeah. Just body aches. You said she's already on her way, anyway." Connor sits the both of them upwards.   
"Just...Wouldn't want her sitting too close to me, that's all."  
Sam mutters something that he can't make out. He can see the dark look in his eyes.  
"Sam, are you seriously jealous of _her_? A _girl_?"  
"I just don't see why she has to like _you_. I mean, don't get me wrong I understand why she _does_..."  
Connor blushes, a smirk flashing across his face.  
"But, I just feel so _bad_ for her. You're her _best friend's boyfriend._ And _gay_. I don't want her _jealous_ of us. Or _me_. Or blaming herself for anything. I care about her _way_ too much." Sam lets it all out.  
"Hey..." Connor whispers, taking his hands. "Things are going to be okay. Things will work out...I promise you. Are you sure you don't want to see if someone can drop off your meds for you?"   
"I'm sure...I just...Worry a lot. What if you get her sick? See?"  
Connor runs a hand through his hair.  
"I'm feeling better. I doubt I'll get her sick. I would've gotten _you_ sick by now, anyway. Besides--I'm glad I'm feeling better, so I can finally do this again." He leaves a soft peck on his lips, and Sam smiles bigger than he should be.  
He returns the gesture, having Connor wrap arms around him.   
The kiss deepens, just before Erin walks into the open doorway.  
"Um-"  
The boys break apart from each other, each of their cheeks flushing when they see her.  
Sam's posture stiffens.   
"Hey Erin..." Connor finally speaks.  
"Hey." She brushes off the awkward mood with a forced chuckle.  
She walks over and sits down beside Sam.   
"You feeling better?" She looks at Connor, Sam previously telling her that he had been sick.  
"Yeah. Thanks." The smile he gives her makes Sam look away in unnecessary envy.  
•••  
The three teens hang downstairs in the kitchen,  where Jeanette chats Erin up about how she's doing and what's going on her life.  
"So what's new with you, honey?"   
"Ummmm...Nothing. Haha."  
"Oh my God I wanna show you guys this Vine." Connor suddenly remembers, taking out his phone to see it's only at ten percent.  
Sam and Erin both smirk at Connor's facial expression of defeat.   
"Crap. I gotta get my charger. Hold on." Connor gets out of his chair, and runs upstairs with his phone still in tow.  
"So you really kissed Connor, huh?" Sam doesn't mean to blurt out the words in such a jealous manner.  
"I think I heard someone at the door..." Jeanette explains, looking for an excuse to leave. Which she does.  
"Um...That was an accident." Erin tries to cover up.   
"Erin, I'm _not_ mad at you. I get it. But...I-I mean are you _sure_ you like him? He's not that great." Sam claims, just after Connor returns back downstairs into the room.  
"What?"  
Flinching, Sam spins around in his chair.  
"Nothing. Uh-uh are you _sure_ you're gay? Erin sure is a real beaut'."  
"'Beaut'?" She repeats, before asking: "So, lemme get this straight. You're trying to convince _me_ not to like Connor, while you're trying to convince _him_ that he's not gay and to have a crush on me?" She asks.  
"Yes..."  
Connor frowns.  
"Sam, stop." Erin starts.   
"I know you have this weird thing where you want everyone around you to be perfectly content no matter _what_ it takes, but you _got_ to stop. I am _fine_. I am _so_ happy that you guys have each other." She tries convincing them. "You guys are relationship goals!" She chirps.  
Sam chortles. "'Relationship goals'?"  
"Yeah!"  
"If you call relationship goals sitting around and watching Netflix all day together, then yeah; we are totally relationship goals." Connor jokes.  
"It's not about what you guys do 'together'. It's what you do _for_ each other. How you guys _feel_ for each other. The actual effort you guys put into the relationship. That's what makes it 'goals', to me..." She explains to them.  
"You know, you are the only person I know who can put deep meaning into a social media saying." Sam points out.  
She laughs in response.   
"So, you say all that, and you still like me?" Connor asks.  
"You make my best friend happy. And, you _are_ pretty gay. If you were bi, maybe I'd try and steal you away."  
They stare at her, expressions turning bewildered.  
"I'm joking. Is there food?"  
•••  
The boyfriends keep a close eye on Erin, while the three of them watch a movie, and eat the spare candy that Connor had hidden in his closet for several weeks.  
"I gotta go to the bathroom." She announces hot even thirty minutes into the movie, standing up and looking at them. She sat on the far end of the living room couch, letting the boys sit closely next to each other; which they both found odd.  
"I would think so; you only had half my candy stash." Connor teases.  
"You shush." She tells him, having them all giggle.  
"Don't be inside each other when I get back!" She yells, beginning to walk away.  
"You're disgusting." Says Sam, throwing a small wrapper of smarties at the back of her head.   
They hear her giggle, as the candy lands on the carpet.  
"Is she _really_ over you?" Sam asks Connor once he knows she's gone.  
He shrugs in response. "Who knows. Probably. It was like that time when _you_ liked _her_ for a bit."   
"Yeah, but...I know her. She tries to act like things are okay when they _really_ aren't okay..."   
Connor finally looks at him.  
"Well, if she's not over me...We'll just try to make me really unlikable." He plans.  
"Sure that's possible?" Sam smirks at him.  
"Fuck off." Connor laughs with a smile, which Sam returns.  
"I just don't want you or her getting hurt." Sam worries.  
"What about you?"  
"What?"  
"Don't you not want _you_ getting hurt?" Connor brings up.  
Sam squints his eyes, crinkling his forehead with confusion.  
"I'm fine."  
"You're not answering my question."  
"Are we _seriously_ talking about this?" Sam laughs slightly, forcing himself to look away.  
"I think it's time for your meds, Sam..."  
"God, Connor, I avoid one subject and I need pills to make everything better?" Sam asks smartly, returning eye contact.  
"I'm not saying that."  
"Then what _are_ you saying?"  
Erin returns back inside, just in time.  
"What'd I miss?" She can't help but let out a few coughs.   
"Aw, crap. I get you sick?" Connor wonders with concern.  
"No, dumbass." She walks back over to the couch and sits in the same spot she was in before.  
Sam can't help but notice the paleness in her face, and the dull look in her eyes.  
She frowns, sitting up and looking over at him.  
"Quit staring at me, nerd."  
Connor resumes his hard gaze on him, wondering what he's thinking of.  
"What?" He asks, looking at him in replacement of what Erin demanded.   
"Nothing."  
"I'm _fine_!"  
"Well so am I...!"  
Both of them look back over at Erin.  
"What? You want me to tell you guys that _I'm_ fine? Well I'll say it. Because I _am_. I'm _fine_. So shut up and watch the movie."   
She roughly snatches more candy out of the bag.  
The three of them make small eye contact with each other yet say nothing, for the rest of the movie.

 

 


	31. Happy Birthday I'm Sorry:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam turns fifteen. Erin opens up to the last person she'd expect to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to write. If you enjoyed, please leave a comment or bookmark so I know! :)

Chapter Thirty One: Happy Birthday I'm Sorry:  
August 13th:  
Connor makes sure to catch up with Sam, on the sidewalk outside of their house where he sees them walking.  
"Happy Birthday." He smiles, abruptly wrapping his arms around him with a present bag wrapped around his wrist.  
At first it scares Sam, but his muscles relax and stops sweating when he sees that it's only the boy he's been expecting to see.  
"That's today?" He jokes, feeling Connor take away his arms and step over next to him.  
" _Yes_." He affirms with a smirk, punching Sammy's shoulder.   
" _Owe_!" He laughs, prior to Connor wrapping his arm around him and pulling him closer.  
"Here." He holds out his wrist which hangs the pink colored bag that holds inside Sam's present.  
Sam snickers. "I _told_ you you didn't have to get me any-"   
"And I didn't listen. Open it." Connor interrupts.  
Sam giggles, taking the bag and reaching inside.  
"Wow, school supplies!" He jokes in an exclaim, after reaching out a medium sized, brown hard-covered journal. A skinny blue pen is noticed at the bottom of the bag.  
Connor cackles at his joke.  
"Yeah, it's for Math-your favorite subject in the whole wide world, nerd."  
Sam laughs, pulling him closer.   
"But in all honesty; it's a therapeutic journal. Or just a journal in general. So you can write about whatever you want."  
"Aw, you're so thoughtful, thank you." Sam takes his hand.  
"I love it. I'll make sure to write down how much you take my breath away; and when I'm secretly pissed off at you and don't want to say it."  
They both laugh.  
"And all the sexual fantasies I have about fucking your Mom."  
" _That's_ insulting." Connor smiles, having them guffaw again.  
"Um, I got you something else..." Connor starts, waiting to see how Sam will react.  
"Connor-"  
He shushes him. "Stop. I didn't have to pay anything for it. Um..."  
He reaches for the piece of jewelry in his pocket.  
"Here..." He let's the golden necklace unravel by itself, exposing the bird with spread wings that hangs from the chain.  
"Oh my God..." Sam reacts to the sight.  
"It's _beautiful_. Is that _real_ gold?"  
"Yeah. Uh, it belonged to my Mom. I remember you telling me that you sometimes like to wear jewelry, so...I found this in my house and it instantly made me think of you. My Mom got it from her Aunt at her college graduation. She said I could give it to you." Connor clarifies.  
"That's so nice of you guys...Thank you. How much do you think it's worth?"  
"What?"  
"I'm kidding."  
"Fuck you." Connor whispers, proceeding their laughter.   
"Turn around." He instructs lightly.  
Setting the journal that he still held back inside the bag, he does as requested.  
When Connor drapes the necklace down before his chest, Sam grows goosebumps from the cold feel.  
A smirk appears on Connor's face, as he locks the necklace in place.  
"Wow..." Sam observes the necklace, when facing the direction of Connor.  
"It looks even better on you." He compliments.  
This has Sam's eyes meet his. He scoffs.  
"You're a dork." He teases, wrapping his arms around his neck.  
"So since you think the necklace is so great, can I have the journal back?" Connor jokes.  
After laughing again and for most certainly not the last time, they share a kiss.  
•••  
"Hey, Sammy!" Erin beams, grinning at the sight of him, and jogging over to him in a rush. She squeezes a white envelope tight in her hand.  
Connor smirks while observing them, sitting on the couch in Sam's living room.  
Dylan who's standing nearby, next to his father, squints at her figure.  
"You're light." Sam comments in interest, while picking her up a few inches off the ground.  
"Diet." She confirms, breaking the hug and looking at him.   
"So does that mean no cupcakes?" Dylan teases, crossing his arms.  
"Oh, no, I'll have one." She says, looking at him and giggling slightly.  
"You _better_ ; you don't _need_ to go on a diet." Ken insists to her, having her smile.  
"Thank you..."   
She studies Sam's necklace. "Oh Sam that's _beautiful_!" She exclaims.  
"Connor got it for him so I can steal it and sell it online." Dylan jokes.   
"Do _not_ touch it." Sam retorts. Everyone else snickers.  
"It was my Mom's." Connor decides to inform.  
"Speaking of that..." Ken walks into the kitchen, only to walk out with a half drank water bottle and Sam's bottle of Zoloft.  
"Happy birthday. Take your meds."  
Erin, Connor and Dylan all chortle.   
"I'm fine-"  
" _Oh_ , just take it." Ken shoves the items in his son's hands.  
After Sam does as told, Erin decides to hand over the envelope she held in her hand.  
"Ooh." He chirps at the sight of a Target gift card inside the birthday card Erin got.  
" _Read the card first._ " Ken strictly instructs. Erin and Connor cackle.  
"'I know your birthday will be awesome because I'll be there with you'-" Sam's voice quivers from trying not to laugh, but Connor beats him to it.   
"'Just kidding'." He continues. "'But thank you so much for being a great and crazy friend since the fourth grade and _not_ the third grade'"-He playfully glares at her, and she laughs.   
"'Love Erin Andersen'." He finishes.  
"You put your full name?" Dylan teases.  
"Yes! So, like, if he forgets everything then he can read over the card and be like 'oh, yeah! She's that best friend I had!'" She smiles.  
Everyone else guffaws at her comment.  
"Jesus, Er, fifty bucks?" Sam reads the price on the gift card she got him.  
"You know you _could_ say that in a way more clean." Ken speaks.   
"It's my birthday..." Sam grins at him smartly.  
"Fifty dollars? Oh please, Erin, Sam already has enough crap he doesn't even use." Dylan taunts.  
"Shut up!" He smiles to him. Again, Connor laughs.   
"Should I have even gotten you that journal?" He jokes.  
" _No_." Dylan and Ken answer together.  
"You two shush! I'll _use_ it!" Sam defends, smiling at Connor who just laughs.  
"Yeah. You'll use it only because _Connor_ got it for you." Teases Erin.  
"Oh, shut up."  
Unable to keep his cheeks from flushing, Connor smiles at him.  
•••  
Sam and Erin each eat two store bought cupcakes, triggering Sam's hyperactivity, and Erin's insecurities.  
"We have milk if you want." Sam suggests, wiggling around next to her when he sees that she's gulping down water.  
"It's fine, thanks." She declines breathlessly, after taking the bottle away from her mouth.  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah."  
"Sure you're sure?"  
"Uh-huh." She's now unamused.  
"Are you sure you're sure you're sure-?"  
"Sam I know it's your birthday but oh my God shut up."  
He laughs so hard at her insult, that he almost forgets to breathe.  
Connor walks in and raises his eyebrows at what he sees. A scared smile crosses his face.  
"I think we should start seeing other people..." He comments.  
"Shut up." Sam snaps out of his humorous state, and playfully pushes Connor a few inches away from him.  
Erin scoffs in response.  
"I'm kidding. You know I could _never_ leave you. Unless you really _do_ have sexual fantasies about my Mom."  
Erin's about to take a bite of her third cupcake, until she hears what was said.  
"Uhhh I'm just gonna eat this and not say anything..." She states awkwardly, before doing so.  
"Is that your _third_ cupcake?" Sam asks with pride.  
"Yeah, so what?" Erin asks, almost spitting the food on him while defending in herself.  
"I'm not _judging_ you. I _am_ judging Connor though 'cause he only ate _one_." Sam grins at him.  
"So _far_." Connor clarifies.  
"I'm gonna be in the bathroom. Those cupcakes aren't really sitting well." Erin tells them.   
"I would figure; you _did_ have three." Sam teases.  
"Quit _acting_ like you didn't eat an entire pizza last year." She smiles, and Connor laughs.  
They watch her walk in the direction of the bathroom.  
"Good luck!" Connor calls out.  
"Fuck off Connor."  
As expected, she hears them laugh. She can't help but do the same when entering the room. But what she's about to do is no laughing matter.  
•••  
"But what if she-"  
"She said she'll be a while." Sam interrupts him with a grin, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him in for another kiss.  
"Mm." Connor is lets out, prior to pushing Sam down onto his bed. With a satisfied grin, he climbs on top of him.  
•••  
Dylan returns inside from the garage, rushing over to the bathroom and frowning when he sees it's occupied.   
"Sam! Hurry up!" He demands, banging on the door with his fist.  
Full of impatience, he opens the door to see Erin kneeled over the toilet, retching with a toothbrush down her throat.  
" _Jesus_!" He screams, causing her to jump and turn around. She drops the toothbrush on the floor. Skin pale and eyes petrified, she lets out a few coughs.  
"Erin...Do you know how _unhealthy_ that is for _anyone_ to do? And that's _my_ toothbrush!" He chides, closing the door and walking over next to her.   
Tears slide down her face.   
"Erin...You know you _don't_ need to do this to yourself, right? You don't even have to lose weight at _all_!"   
"Well I _feel_ like I do..." She only cries more, taking off her now foggy glasses and rubbing her eyes. She folds them together and sets them down next to her.  
"You _don't_. Why would you think something so ridiculous?" He asks.  
"Because I feel like no guy is gonna like me if I don't change _something_ about myself."  
"You don't have to change _anything_ about yourself. Someone who loves you unconditionally accepts you for who you _truly are_." Dylan tries to convince.  
"You're beautiful, Erin..."  
With that, she laughs and cries at the same time.   
"Thank you..."  
"And any guy who doesn't see that is a douche-nozzle."  
She guffaws at his choice of wording, her tears changing from torn to happy. She wipes a majority away of them away from her face.  
"I don't exactly have the best luck with guys, so..."  
"What makes you think that?"  
She sighs at his question.   
"I like Connor...A little while back, Sam liked me for a bit. But I didn't like him. So, I feel like this is karma, or something..." She vents.  
"It is _not_. You're just falling for the wrong guys. Between you and me, I don't get what Sam sees in him." He jokes around.  
She scoffs. " _I_ do..." She mutters, bitterly breaking eye contact for a moment.  
"Over the summer, this one guy did like me...But he was older. When he broke it off, I was so angry that...I slept with some guy..." Shame shines bright on her face.  
" _What_?" Dylan asks in shock, cringing and raising his eyebrows at the same time.  
"Why would you?"  
"I guess I just...Wanted to prove something to myself."  
"Erin, you don't have to sleep with some random _loser_ to prove yourself as worthy." He motivates.  
"Have you ever...?" She decides to ask, looking at him with curiosity.  
"Uh, no..." He reveals, embarrassment flashing in his eyes. "Uh..." He doesn't know how to word what he wants to reveal next.  
"I guess I'm just...Scared."  
"Why would you be scared?" She wonders.  
"When my Mom was still alive...And going through her issues...Sometimes when she was really drunk..." He tries to keep his voice from breaking.  
"She would touch me..."  
" _What_?! Well h-how many times did it happen?!" She instantly starts to panic, fearfully sweating.  
"Only four times. But...Each time felt more and more sickening..." A tear is wiped away from his face.  
"Does anyone know...?!"   
" _You_ do."  
"You haven't told...?!" She trails off.  
"Not my Dad. _Sure_ as hell not Sammy. You're the only one, Erin...Don't tell anyone. Swear on your life." He commands.  
"Okay...I will. I promise. I'm sorry..."  
"I am too..." He mumbles, staring down at the floor.  
She rubs his shoulder in support.  
"So, uh, how do you feel about starting high school?" He changes the subject, making sure to look at her.  
"Alright, I guess. How about you? It's your last year."  
"Glad to be finishing. I wanna go to college. Find my life. Maybe NYU." He considers.  
"Oh..." She reacts, thinking about how the school is all the way across the country.  
"Well, I'm sorry I stuck your toothbrush down my throat." She apologizes, sitting up.  
He chuckles. "It's fine...No more of this, okay?" He asks her.  
"Okay..." She agrees. "I'll try."  
Picking up her glasses, he cleans off the lenses with his shirt.  
When he puts them on her face for her, she smiles.  
•••  
Upstairs, their breaths grow heavier and bodies sweatier.  
"Your Dad probably came back in." Connor breathes out, leaving another quick kiss on Sam's neck.  
"You should talk less." Sam only whispers, panting as he kisses Connor's lips again.  
He's softly pushed away.  
"As much as I want you right now and I _really_ do--Your brother already tried to kill me when he found me with my shirt inside out. If he walks in, all Hell will break lose." Connor explains.  
"Shit, that's true." Sam whispers, slowly standing up. He walks over to the edge of the bed.   
"You alright?" Connor asks, walking over and gently taking his hands.  
"Yeah. I just feel like I'm pressuring you. I don't wanna pressure you."  
Connor laughs. "You are _not_ pressuring me. _I'm_ the one that tackled you on your bed for God's sake. _I'm_ the one that couldn't keep my hands off of you. I should get a _medal_ for stopping us."  
Sam guffaws. "Well congratulations for having willpower, weirdo...And besides..." He touches the necklace still around his neck.  
"I really don't wanna take this off yet."  
Connor giggles. "Who said you'd have to?" He smirks.  
"I am _not_ fucking you in a necklace your mother used to wear."  
They laugh for a good minute and a half, at what he said.  
Sam has him step closer, wrapping his arms around the back of his neck again.  
"I love you..."  
Just as Connor reacts with a face of shock, Erin and Dylan come bursting in with huge grins.  
"Oh, we're _so_ sorry, did we interrupt something?" Dylan teases with flicking eyebrows, as Erin laughs.  
Indeed, they did.


	32. We All Have Feelings:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor reacts to Sam words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! Sorry this took a little while to update. Around 2700 words.   
> Virtual hugs for all of you!!!!!!

Chapter Thirty Two: We All Have Feelings:  
"Um...I'll be right back..." Says Connor, wanting any excuse to leave. "Shit..." Sam whispers in response, seeing him stumble out of the room. Both Erin and Dylan notice the look of helplessness on his face.  
"What happened...?" Dylan asks, after Connor's locked himself in the bathroom down the hall.  
"Nothing..." Sam claims, but the look on his face when walking past them says otherwise. "You think they'll be alright?" Erin asks Dylan, her eyes full of worry.  
"Relax. They'll be fine. It's Sam and Connor."  
Knowing he's on the other side, Sam gently rests his palm on the bathroom door.  
"Connor...Um..."  
Door flinging open with confidence, Connor stands in the now open doorway before him.  
His eyes show both remorse and realization.  
"Hi..." He's the first to speak.  
"Hey...Uh, what I just said...I didn't mean it." Sam tries to claim, wanting to cover up his true feelings if Connor doesn't feel the same way.  
"You didn't?" Connor turns sour.  
"Uh-uh-not if...You didn't want me to..." Sam's face reddens, having him gaze away.  
Connor almost gawks in disbelief.  
"You can't help how you feel, Sammy..." He touches his shoulder in comfort.  
"I know..." Sam looks back at him, biting his tongue so he doesn't ask the question that's burning through him.  
"I guess what you said just scared me, because...The last boy who said he loved me...Ended up hurting me." Connor explains fragilely.  
Sam's face of shocked hurt shows no movement.  
"Connor...I...I would _never_ want to hurt you. Not like he did...You're too important."  
"I thought I was important to him too." Connor mutters, stepping away from him with refused eye contact.  
"Connor..."  
When he leaves within only a few minutes, Sam comes to his own conclusion.  
Connor doesn't love him at all.  
But he couldn't be more wrong.  
•••  
In distress and anger, Connor enters his house to see Jeanette sitting on the couch next to an unidentified man.  
"Uh, Mom...?"  
' _At least it's not Richard...'_  
But he'd be lying if he said this doesn't add to his angst, right now.  
"Connor, hi--I thought you'd be back later. But, um, this is Dave." She introduces him.  
' _He really **is** white._ ' He thinks.  
"Hey..." He greets, trying not to display the fact that he's uncomfortable.  
"Hi, nice to meet you. Your Mom's told me much about you."  
' _Great_.'  
"Um, I'll be upstairs..."  
Without another word, nor anymore eye contact, Connor finds his way up the stairs.  
"You alright hon'?" Jeanette calls out.  
But she's ignored. What's heard next, is the door to her son's room closing.  
"You think it's me?" Dave asks her.  
"No...It's something else. He just...Wasn't expecting this, that's all. He was very hesitant about the last man I dated."  
"Well whatever problem he had with him, I hope I can prevent it from happening with us."  
•••  
Connor sulked in his room for three hours, before having the guts to go downstairs. In annoyance, he finds out that Dave is in fact, still here.  
"Seriously?" He breathes, entering the kitchen so that he can eat his feelings. He eavesdrop on the conversation they have about relatives, in the living room.  
When he walks over to the pantry, he hears Jeanette announce her departure to the bathroom.  
Hearing her open and close the door, has his blood boil.  
The sound of the lock has his heart explode.  
' _I am **not** being alone with him. Not after what happened with the other one.'_  
But his declaration was thought too soon; Dave entering the room with intrigued eyes and straightened posture.  
Connor flinches.  
"Hi Connor..." Dave knows to approach him gently, knowing this must be awkward and abrupt for him.  
"Hey..." Connor doesn't look at him. He blinks rapidly with nerves.  
"I never got a chance to properly talk with you. I'm Dave. I know this must be weird for you."  
"Yeah..." Connor finally has the nerve to look into his eyes.  
"Your mother told me that you had some problems with the last guy she was seeing."  
"Yeah..." The hairs on his neck stick up, at the thought of what those problems were.  
"Well I'm sure we won't have the same ones."  
' _Unless you're an abusive maniac, then defiantly not.'_  
"I'm sure we won't either..." Connor speaks timidly.  
"She says that she thought her old boyfriend had problems with your sexuality. I can assure you that I don't. I'm actually bisexual."  
Connor raises his eyebrows with relief and interest.  
"That's cool." He admits, smirking lightly. Jeanette returns from the bathroom, her face lighting up when she sees that Dave and Connor are talking.  
"Everything going okay?" She makes sure, not wanting history to repeat.  
"Yep..." This time Connor's telling the truth.  
"That's great. I'll be in my office, I just gotta fax something. You sure you're okay Connor?" She can tell he's not just shocked about Dave.  
"Yeah..." He sweats feeling her stare him down.  
"Alright, well, I'll be right back."  
They both watch her walk away.  
"Are you sure everything's okay? She kept telling me how she thought something was bothering you." Dave speaks again.  
"Uhhhh...It's nothing, really." Connor shrugs it off, not wanting to exactly give details.  
"You sure? Usually it's important if it's bothering you."  
Connor breaks the ice.  
"My boyfriend told me he loves me."  
"Sam, right?"  
Connor frowns at him. "Yeah...Sam."  
Dave sees why Connor is confused by how he knows his name, and decides to clarify.  
"Your mother told me about you guys. How she thinks you two are good for each other."  
Connor blushes at the fact that Jeanette is telling a sudden guy about his relationship.  
"Yeah. We are." He has no shame in agreeing.  
"So you said he told you he loved you?" Dave returns to the root of the problem.  
"Yeah. Today. It's his birthday and I was over there. I was really taken by surprise."  
"Do you not know if you love him back?"  
"I _do_ love him." Connor didn't think that saying those words out loud would be such a shock to him.  
"But the last guy that told me he loved me...I believed him. And he may have meant it at the time, but, in the end I just ended up getting my heart smashed. He fell out of love with me. And...I don't want Sam to fall out of love with me too..." He vents.  
"I see. So you're scared of the cycle repeating."  
Connor nods at his accurate words.  
"Do you believe that he loves you?"  
"Of course I do. He really _does_ seem to love me. He's--he's thoughtful as hell, but, we're still so young, and...Anything can happen, I guess."  
"It's not him you don't believe him, or don't have faith in. It's _yourself_. The things that I've been told about you, you need to give yourself a lot more credit. I'm glad I finally got to meet you, Connor."  
"How long have you and my Mom been talking?"  
"We were brought back into contact a few weeks ago. We were good friends in college. We're just catching up, for now."  
Connor nods. "That's cool..." He's really glad that Jeanette's known this man for many years.  
"Sorry." She apologizes once walking back into the room.  
"The printer was giving me a hard time."  
Connor finds this as the perfect time to ask her his question.  
"Mom...? Can you drop me off at Sam's?"  
•••  
"He doesn't love me." Sam declares, sitting against the couch with Dylan, before their coffee table.  
"He _does_ love you." Dylan insists freshly.  
"He's just in shock and insecure because of the shit that happened with what's his face." He adds on.  
"But if he really did, he would've said it...He-he just left...He hasn't tried coming around to me..." His facial expression shows major despair.  
"I'm gonna try reaching out to him." He considers, standing up.  
Dylan knows that he won't be able to stop him.  
"Sammy...?" He lets out.  
"Yeah?" Sam asks, looking over at him.  
"Um..."  
' _Erin's bulimic. Mom molested me when I was thirteen. No biggie.'_  
"Please don't worry about Connor...I see how he cares for you. He could _never_ stop caring for you. That's a _fact_."  
Coming to an agreement, Sam nods at his words.  
"Thank you, Dylan..." He's skeptical to why he seems to be getting so emotional about this.  
Not knowing what to say next, Dylan gets up and leaves.  
Sighing with mixed emotions, Sam walks into the kitchen to see Ken staring him down.  
"You doing okay?" He's asked.  
"Yeah..." Sam avoids eye contact.  
"I'm just...Really stupid, that's all."  
"You are _not_ stupid. You know how you feel. Connor's an amazing kid. Not if he doesn't love you back, though."  
Sam warmly chuckles, knowing he's playing.  
"And Sam, if I had something with someone like you and Connor have, I would _never_ want to let that go."  
Sam hitches back an astonished breath, before staring down at the necklace he could still never picture abandoning.  
•••  
Dylan's therapeutic attempts to calm himself down upstairs in his room, is interrupted by repetitive tapping on their bathroom window.  
"Jesus" he grumbles, stomping inside the bathroom.  
" _What_?!" He screams, after pulling up the window and staring trough the screen.  
Connor flinches.  
"Oh. It's just you." Dylan realizes. "What do you want?"  
"Is Sam here?"  
"You're outta luck, Romeo. He seems pretty bummed about your silence."  
"Is he mad at me...? I get if he is..."  
"Just confused. What the hell is with this pebbles and window shit?" Dylan asks irritably.  
"I was _trying_ to make a romantic gesture." Connor retorts defensively.  
"Do you wanna see him or not?!" Dylan threatens.  
This has Connor rapidly nod without saying another word.  
•••  
Connor didn't expect Sam to come. When he sees him walk towards him on the side of their yard, his body comes to a complete stop.  
"Hey...!" He's shocked to see that he actually came out.  
"Hi..." Sam smiles, now standing before him.  
"You're still wearing the necklace!" Connor smiles, thrilled to see that it is so.  
"Of course I am." Sam smirks.  
"Why wouldn't I be?" He asks.  
"I just...I thought you were mad at me, that's all..." Connor hesitantly grabs both of his hands.  
"I'm not mad at you. I just feel like an idiot, because...I feel like I scared you off with what I said."  
"You did. But not because I don't feel the same way. It's because I can have commitment issues due to the last relationship I was in. But...That ends here. I _love_ you, Sam."  
Caught off guard, Sam smiles and lets out a laugh of disbelief.  
"You...You do?" He's satisfied by what he hears, but his insecurities still take over him.  
"Of _course_ I do. I shouldn't have to be scared of loving someone again. And I'm not scared to love _you_. You make me want to be a better person." Connor explains.  
Sam only smiles.  
"I love you more..."  
Connor laughs. "I wouldn't be so sure about that."  
Sam continues to grin. "You're my blessing, Conor...And might I just say Jude's a fucking _moron_ for letting you slip through his fingers. People like you don't come around very often."  
Connor almost tears up at that last sentence.  
"Touché..."  
August 22nd:  
When Connor finds Sam walking by himself down their high school parking lot, he's pleasantly surprised at what he sees.  
"You're still wearing the necklace...!" He gently beams, now walking next to him and having their shoulders touch.  
"You've pointed that out the last six times we've seen each other." Sam teases him.  
"I just didn't expect you to keep wearing it, that's all." Connor admits with a shrug.  
"I love wearing it. And not just because you gave it to me."  
"It would be a _shame_ if something happened to it..." Erin speaks up, walking over to them and tapping on the piece of gold.  
" _Stay away._ " Sam commands, and Connor snickers.  
Erin walks to Sam's right.  
"Yeah, Erin. My Mom would kill you." Connor teases.  
"I'm _so scared_."  
When they enter inside the school at once, Sam makes sure; "Is she still seeing that guy that's actually likable?"  
Erin grins at his description.  
"Yeah. He actually likes talking to me and _doesn't_ physically abuse me."  
"Good." Sam assures.  
" _Damn_ , Erin. You lost weight!" A popular blonde girl named Holly from their middle school observingly chirps, walking over to her with fascination on her face.  
"Uh, yeah, I guess..." She tries playing it off, scoffing breezily.  
"What's your secret?" Holly asks.  
"Uh, I jog a lot."  
"But you hate running-" Sam speaks up--  
She shushes him.  
"Sweet. Oh, and Connor." She looks at him, making him perk up.  
"I shouldn't be telling you this, but Sasha has a _huge_ crush on you. You didn't hear it from me."  
"I have _no_ idea who Sasha is..."  
"She sat next to you in third period last year." Holly tries to refresh his memory.  
"Oh, yeah, I remember her now..." He fibs.  
"Well she might just ask you out sometime." She gives him a heads up, smirking mysteriously.  
"Uh, I'm gay." He reveals.  
"Oh! Well, I apologize in advance if Holly tries to 'convert you'. She's a little on the Jehovah's Witness side."  
Sam and Erin both cringe.  
"Oh, um...Okay. Thanks..." Connor doesn't know how to tone his words.  
"Nice necklace!" Holly compliments Sam, before walking away.  
After that, Sam is the only one out of the three of them who is smiling.  
•••  
After second period, Sam and Erin are walking down the hallway together.  
"Can we hang out at your place after school?" She requests.  
"Why are you suddenly so obsessed with my house?" He teases her.  
"My house is just so boring." She complains. "My brother's always annoying us."  
"I think Dustin's cute!" Sam beams, making her laugh.  
"I gotta put this back." Sam points out the textbook under his arm. "I'll be right there." He means the cafeteria.  
"'Kay. We'll save you a seat."  
When Sam returns to his locker and puts his book back inside, he shuts his door closed to see a girl that sat next to Erin in the last class they were in together, with hands on her hips and a strict facial expression.  
"I already believe in Jesus." He informs, thinking it's the girl that Holly said would try to 'convert Connor'.  
"I don't give a fuck." She snaps.  
"Oh...What's the problem?"  
"Are you dating Connor?" She interrogates.  
Sam begins to sweat. His mouth turned dry.  
"Uh, yeah..." He assumes that she found out in one way or another.  
"Is that a problem with you...?" He asks, trying to figure out how to handle the situation.  
"I don't care that he's gay, or that _you're_ whatever _you're_ supposed to be."  
He doesn't know how to feel about that last part.  
"Uh..."  
"But, why _you_?"  
He knows he's being insulted, but can't help admit that he's been asking the same question to himself ever since Connor showed interest in him.  
"I honestly don't know."  
She frowns at his answer.  
"Well..." She wasn't expecting him to agree.  
"You might as well just give up now 'cause it is _not_ gonna last."  
Sam cringes as he watches her walk away.  
" _Help me Jesus..."_ He whispers to himself, just before closing the locker door.  
•••  
When walking with Erin at the end of the day, comments are finally made about the necklace Sam is wearing. And not good ones.  
"Hey Sam!" Colin, the boy he had a brief sexual fling with many months back, calls out.  
He and Erin stop walking, instantly remembering him when they turn around.  
"Kill yourself." Colin instructs, he and the boys that crowd around him breaking out into laughter.  
Sam's heart sinks.  
"Hold my book." Erin grumbles, shoving her textbook in his hands.  
"Hold on. I got this." He confidently whispers to her.  
"Uh, you first...!" He yells out to the boys.  
Colin and his buddies stay silent.  
"Never heard that one before..." Erin mutters.  
Not knowing what to respond, the boys all awkwardly walk away.  
"Oh I swear I'll punch their faces in-"  
"Erin. It's fine." Sam assures.  
"I've been told to kill myself before. On 4Chan, at least."  
She rolls her eyes. "Great, uh, I forgot something at my locker. Be right back."  
"Wait!" He yells, as she walks off.  
"You forgot your book!"  
Except she's gone.  
Sam sighs, just before he notices a word written on the very bottom of the book.  
Specifically, a name.  
' _Dylan_ '.  
He practically falls over.

 


	33. So Undercover:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Connor corner Erin about liking Dylan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is named after a crappy Miley Cyrus movie and I apologize.  
> If you enjoyed this, PLEASE leave a comment, kudos or bookmark! It really motivates me to write more when I see your positive feedback, and when I don't see any it makes me feel like you guys are uninterested!

Chapter Thirty Three: So Undercover:  
"Hey Connor." One of the three jocks standing in front of the lockers, call out to him, watching him walk past them in the hallway.  
"Yeah?" Connor asks stopping in his tracks. He keeps the backpack he wears, steady on his back.  
"There's this party on Friday. You should come. My place." Speaks another one.  
"Who are you...?"  
"I'm Luke, that's Drew, and that's Spencer." He answers, Spencer being the one that got his attention, and Drew standing to Luke's left.  
"I'm in your Science class." He adds.  
"Oh. Yeah."  
"You gonna keep playing football this year?" Spencer asks him.  
"Yeah. Of course." Connor suddenly remembers him from his team.   
"Cool. Luke'll give you his address later in the week."  
"Okay. So, is this like, a get-together? Or, like, a frat type party...?" Connor questions easily.  
"Does it matter?" Drew tests.  
"What...? No..."   
"So we'll see you there?"  
"Could I bring a friend or two?"  
"Will they be able to 'handle' the party?"  
Connor isn't even sure if _he'll_ be able to. Let _alone_ Sam or Erin.   
Sam wouldn't be comfortable due to his past, and Erin would just think it's a waste of time.  
"Yeah..."  
Right after he watches the boy walk away, Sam comes sprinting over to him.  
"Connor..." He starts breathlessly, having to hold onto his shoulder for support.  
"Sammy what's wrong?" He becomes concerned, thinking he's having some sort of emotional breakdown.  
"It's _terrible_ , Connor."  
"What's going on...?!" Worst case scenarios start piling into his head.  
"Erin likes Dylan."  
The sound of a scratching record goes off in Connor's mind.  
"What...?" He frowns.  
"Yeah. Look-"  
Sam's interrupted with a hit to his shoulder.  
" _Owe_. What was _that_ for?!"  
"You _scared_ me! I thought something serious was going on."  
"This _is_ serious!" Sam overreacts. "Look!" He shows him the very bottom of Erin's textbook.  
"That's his name. _Dylan_."   
"I can read. You don't even know if she's talking about _him_. Wasn't there a guy in a couple of her classes last year named Dylan?"  
"He dropped out, apparently."  
"Well maybe they're having a secret affair." Connor starts to joke around.  
Sam glares at him. "This is _serious_ , Connor. She might _like_ my brother. It's _weird_! And _unfair_!"   
"Unfair; _how_?"  
"When I liked her she showed _no_  interest in me. Now she's all over my _brother_?!"  
"To be fair you and Dylan _are_ not that alike. But, again: she could be talking about a _totally_ different Dylan! Like that actor from The Maze Runner." Connor suggests.   
"Dylan O'Brien _is_ pretty cute."  
"Hey guys! You ready to go?" She chirps, happening to walk up to them then and there.   
Both the boys cry out at her presence, at the same time.  
"Oh! Hey Erin. Uh, here..." Sam shoves her book back into her hands, trying his best not to look suspicious.  
"Uh, thanks..."  
Her face lights up at the sight of Dylan walking over to them, but grimaces when he sees the girl he has his arm wrapped around.  
"You guys need a ride home? This is Sierra. She'll be joining us."  
"Okay..." Sam figures, while Connor shrugs.  
"Connor can you stay?" Dylan asks him.  
"Yeah, my Mom won't care."  
"How 'bout you?" Dylan looks at Erin, and she blushes.  
"Uh, yeah. Sure."  
"Nice meeting you guys." Sierra flashes a smile to the kids.  
Erin's smile to her is more forced than ever.  
Sam gives Connor a shallow look.  
•••  
As Connor, Sam and Erin attempt to do their homework together on one side of the couch, Dylan is helping Sierra with her homework on the other side of the couch.  
"So, refutation is when you basically state the opposite of your thesis, which is your antithesis."  
"Okay." She then types it down in her word document on her laptop that sits before them on their coffee table.  
"And then you pretty much just state two reasons that support your antithesis."  
"But my paper is trying to persuade the opposite of my antithesis."  
Dylan smiles at her. "I know, but, after you come up with reasons supporting your antithesis, you debunk them. That's why it's called refutation. It makes the thesis you're supporting look even stronger."  
"That makes sense. Can you help me come with reasons for my antithesis so I can debunk them?"  
"That should be easy for me, considering I completely _agree_ with the antithesis." He smirks.   
"Oh, shut up." She teases him, and they laugh.  
"Could you guys go in the other room?" Erin snaps.   
Everyone else sitting in the room looks up and over, staring at her.  
"Um...I was talking to...Sam and Connor..." She claims.   
"We didn't do _anything_!" Sam defends.  
"Oh, that's it." Connor grumbles, setting down his stuff and standing up.  
Sam does the same, and they both pick Erin up at once.  
"What- _hey_!" She continues to hold the same textbook with Dylan's name on the bottom, in her hands.  
They carry her all the way up into Sam's room, closing and locking the door behind them.  
"What the _hell_?" She demands, after she's put down.  
"You like Dylan." Connor stated, eyebrows raised.  
"What? No I _don't_! He's _Sam's_ _brother_! That's _gross_!"  
Sam tears the textbook out of her hands, and flashes the area where Dylan's name is written, before her face that's now slowly crumpling in response.   
"You got me there..."  
" _Why_?!" Sam shouts so loud, that Dylan and Sierra can hear it from downstairs.   
"Is your brother okay...?" She whispers.  
"He's on special medication..." Is all he reveals, and she nods.  
"Sam, calm down-"  
" _No_!" He interrupts Connor's attempt to soothe him.   
" _Why_. Why him. He's my _brother_. If you get married you'll be my sister in law."  
"But I'm already _like_ your sister...!" She tries to reason.  
" _Exactly_! That _defeats_ the purpose of you being my sister!" Sam yells to her.  
"Sam they're not gonna get married so _stop_ yelling!" Connor raises his voice at him.  
"Hey!" Erin finds offense in his comment.  
He only scoffs and motions his hands in her direction.   
"Why do you _like_ him?! No. Don't tell me. I'm just gonna gonna disagree with your points." Sam tells her, in which she rolls her eyes in response.  
"It doesn't even matter, okay? He's _clearly_ into that girl." She comments irritably.  
"Tragic. Sam, keep her up here so she doesn't snap Sierra's neck." Connor instructs.  
"Don't say her _name_!"  
"What...?" Is all Sam can ask.  
Without a response, Connor leaves the room; firmly closing the door behind him.  
Seconds of silence pass between Erin and Sam, and Sam can't seem to quit staring at her.  
"Quit looking at me!" She yells.   
He rolls his eyes, and does as told.  
•••  
"Everything okay up there...?" Dylan awkwardly asks Connor, when he's back on the couch along with him and Sierra.  
"Yep..."  
They then hear a bang from the floor above them.  
"What is your _deal_?!" Sam demands to Erin in his room, after Erin had pushed him to the ground when he made a snide comment about how she and Dylan will never end up together.  
"You think this isn't awkward for me too?! Well it _is_!" She defends herself, watching Sam stand up and dust off his jeans.  
"I've been trying to hide this for _weeks_. I didn't want _anyone_ to know." She defends.  
"Well you should've _thought_ about that, before you _wrote his name on the bottom of your textbook!"  
"Shut up!"_  
Back downstairs, Dylan walks into the kitchen to get himself some water, leaving just Connor and Sierra. They sit on opposite sides of the couch, exchanging awkward eye contact.  
"Soooo, uh, are you guys into each other?" Connor decides to ask her.  
"He's into me. I'm not into him..." She guiltily reveals.  
"What? But Dylan is _so_..." He has no idea how to finish his sentence.  
"I'm already seeing this other boy that he doesn't know about. When he put his arm around me I didn't really know how to let him down gently. He's really sweet, but..." She trails off, discomfortingly clenching her teeth together. Pain flashes in her eyes.  
"Oh...Well, just wondering. I should be getting back to my friends."  
Sierra's frown is puzzled, as she watches Connor sprint upstairs.  
•••  
"Can you guys _try_ not to kill each other for five seconds?" He complains, seeing that Sam and Erin have resumed bickering when he walks back inside the room.  
"Are they hooking up?!" Erin wonders in fear to him.  
"No. He likes her-"  
" _What_?!"  
"But she doesn't like him."  
"What?! That's so _rude_!" She declares.  
They both stare at her with agitation.  
"Oh, you know what I mean..."   
"Um, you do know that you can't just _swoop in_ when she breaks the ice to him, right?" Sam reminds suspiciously.  
" _Yes_...But I'm still going to anyway."  
" _Erin_!" They yell at once.   
"Well...She's gotta be hiding something. I'm gonna go spy on them."  
Before they grab her and pull her back, she's out of the room with the door slammed closed behind her.  
Groaning in frustration, Sam turns away.  
"I can't believe my sister likes my brother..." He mutters, and Connor cringes.  
•••  
Downstairs, Erin hides before the coffee table to get a good view of Dylan and Sierra in the kitchen. Sierra's backpack sits right beside her, and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't tempted to raid through it.  
"Who you texting?" She watches Dylan witness Sierra type on her phone.  
"None of your business." She teases, looking right up at him.  
"Okay, well, is this person a guy or a girl?" He starts guessing.  
"A _guy_ ; does that matter?" She teases him back, just before sending the message.  
"No..." He claims with a scoff, his cheeks flushing.  
She snickers at him.  
In that moment, Ken walks into the house.  
"Uh...Hey Dad, this is Sierra. The girl I'm tutoring."   
"Is this how you kids' tutor now-a-days?" Ken cross examines as he closes the door.  
Dylan only blushes, making Sierra laugh.  
"Nice meeting you." Ken tells her.  
"Thanks, you too."  
"Where are the kids?" Ken's aware that Dylan was supposed to be in charge.  
"Sam and Connor are in our room." He answers breezily.  
Ken glares at him.  
" _Oh_..." Dylan now realizes.   
Becoming uninterested, Erin starts to quietly sneak through Sierra's bag.  
She opens a nameless notebook, where the first page dates back all the way to May.  
At first she thinks it's a diary, but then realizes it's not any kind of diary.  
 **June 16th:  
Breakfast: two scrambled eggs, one piece of toast.  
Calories in total: 221  
Lunch: Ham sandwich, water.   
Calories in total: 216  
Dinner: skipped.  
Calories for the day: 437  
Current weight: 111   
Goal weight: 95 **  
Erin flips through the book in shock, seeing the same routine for each new-coming day, up until yesterday.   
Before she can read her current weight, Ken finds her behind the table.  
"Erin?" He asks.  
Both Dylan and Sierra look over at once.  
"Um... _Hi_ , Mr. Montgomery...! I was just...Looking for something."   
She closes the book and stuffs it back in Sierra's bag.  
"Should we help you look for it?" She decides to bring up, and Erin's eyes widen.  
"Sure...!" With that, an awkward chuckle leaves her mouth.  
' _Fuck me._ ' She thinks.  
•••  
Upstairs, Connor's getting wound up with Sam not engaging in something he'd really like for him to focus on.  
"I just don't get it." Sam says, after pulling away from another kiss; the two of them sitting on the floor.  
"Why _Dylan_?"  
"Sam, I suggested that we make out so that you can get your mind _off_ of this. Not so you can think about it _more_."  
"I know. Sorry. Sometimes it's hard to focus when we do this for a long time without a break. Sometimes my mind goes to strange places. Never mind." He doesn't want to go into detail.  
"Okayyyy..." Connor doesn't know if he should laugh or cringe.  
"How about something a little different?" He suggests.  
"Like?"  
Connor's answer to that is to pull down Sam's zipper.  
•••  
"What are we looking for again?" Ken calls out to Erin, who's quietly making her way upstairs.  
"Uh, my phone..." She says, when it's actually in Sam and Dylan's room.  
"Do you want me to call it?" He offers.  
"Uh, the ringer's off..."  
She walks before the door to Sam's room, when she suddenly hears noises that you don't exactly want to hear from your two best friends.  
"Want me to help you look up there?" Sierra offers, following her up the stairs.  
"Uhhhh..." Erin rushes back down the stairs, blocking her from going upward.  
"Never mind. I know where it is. Thanks though..." An abrupt chuckle escapes her mouth.   
"Oh, okay." Sierra smiles at her.  
' _Why does she have to be so nice...'_ Erin thinks in envy.  
"Uh, let's go back downstairs..." Erin finds herself pulling Sierra by her wrist, towards the coffee table in the living room.  
She accidentally steps on the notebook she forgot to put back in Sierra's bag.  
They both stare down at it at once.  
Sierra looks over at Erin, putting the pieces together.  
She searched through her bag. Not only that, but she read the pages inside the book.  
"Everything okay?" Dylan cautiously wonders, walking over towards them.  
"Um...I think I should go..." Sierra announces, picking up the book and putting it back inside her bag. After he's laptop is put back inside, the bag is officially zipped up, and put on her back.  
"Wanna ride home...?" Dylan offers, while looking at Erin; knowing she had something to do with Sierra's abrupt getaway.  
"No, I actually think my friend wants to pick me up." She's claiming.   
Those are the last words Sierra says, before leaving the house.  
Dylan scowls at Erin.  
"What'd you _do_?!" He demands.  
"I didn't do _anything_!" She confusingly yells back, knitting her eyebrows together.  
"Did Sierra leave?" Ken asks, entering the room to see only them.  
"Yes you _did_!" Dylan continues yelling at her.  
" _Dylan_!" Ken scolds.  
"She doesn't even _like_ you!" She blurts in an angry manner.  
"You're just _saying_ that!"  
"Alright! _Stop_!" Ken commands, Dylan and Erin continuing to scowl at each other.  
Sam slowly and quietly walks downstairs, making sure his fly isn't down.  
Ken, Erin and Dylan take notice, staring at him wordlessly.  
"What's that stain...?" Dylan asks, pointing to the wet spot on Sam's left thigh.  
"Uh...I pissed myself..."  
Both Dylan and Ken's eyes go to the Connor, when he peaks his head out from behind the wall.   
" _Shit_!" He yells, just when Dylan sprints after him.  
" _Run_!" Erin screams to him.  
"That's kinda what I'm in the middle of doing...!" Connor yells back to her, while he's being chased by Dylan down the hallway.  
" _Dylan_...!" Sam runs over to the front door and grabs the umbrella sitting up against the right wall next to so, before jogging upstairs to help Connor.  
" _Fuck my life."_ Erin mutters.  
The blood drains from her face, when Ken looks over at her.

 


	34. The Day Of The Damned:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their second day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had issues editing this chapter so I apologize if it's rocky. If you want more, comment!

Chapter Thirty Four: The Day Of The Damned:  
August 23rd:  
Right after Sam swallows his pills while practically choking on them that next morning, he hears a knock on the front door  
"Hey...!" He greets kindly, surprised to see Erin standing there.  
"I didn't think you'd come." He watches her step inside, and closes the door for her.  
"Sam, I'd like to happily announce that I don't like your brother anymore." She reveals calmly.  
"Oh _thank_ God."  
"Because I now hate him."  
" _What_? Erin...I mean yeah don't get me started on him, but, he's not that bad when you live with him for fifteen years."  
Dylan walks into the room at the perfect timing, glaring when he sees Erin.  
He crosses his arms, straightening his posture.  
" _Sierra's_ picking me up." He speaks with emphasis, knowing Erin's jealous of her.  
"She doesn't like you, Dylan." She says exasperatedly.  
"You're just _saying_ that 'cause you're jealous!" He defends.  
"She's serious, Dylan. Sierra told Connor that she doesn't like you." Sam adds on.  
" _Liars_!" He accuses.  
"We're serious, Dylan! And let's be honest she is way to good for you." Sam finishes.  
"Oh _shut_ up." Dylan speaks at the moment when their next door neighbor Mindee, walks in.  
"I gotta give these to your Dad." She says to the boys, holding a short stack of work papers in her hand.  
"I'm gonna wait for Sierra." Dylan walks past Mindee, and out onto the porch.  
"What's his deal?" She asks Sam and Erin.  
"We keep trying to tell him that this girl he's interested in doesn't like him back but he's not listening."  
"Ah."  
Her two ten year-old daughters, and four year-old son come rushing in behind her.  
"Heyyyy, Kader." Sam greets the four year-old boy, patting his back.  
"Wanna ride with us?" Asks Emily, the dark brown haired, tan skinned ten year-old.  
"We have no other choice since Dylan won't give us on." Erin answers, teasing Madelyn, the ten-year old with dirty blonde hair and a wider figure; by running her fingers through her hair.  
She giggles in response.  
"Did you get braces?" Erin notices curiously, studying Maddie's teeth.  
" _Duh_." Emily comments, and Erin playfully glares, sticking out her tongue.  
"Does Kade have pre-school today?" Sam asks Mindee.  
"Yup."  
Kader nods proudly.  
"Dad! Mindee's got papers for you! We're gonna ride with her!" Sam yells upstairs.  
•••  
"School was good yesterday, yeah." Connor answers Adam's question on the house phone, pacing around the kitchen where Jeanette does the dishes at the sink.  
"Things with Sam going good?" He hears him ask.  
"Yep." He confirms, trying not to think of what happened while talking to his own father.  
"Are you still seeing Mandy...?"  
"Oh, yes." Adam sounds proud, and Connor raises his eyebrows.  
"Well good...! Uh, I'm gonna go. Talk later."  
"'Kay. Love you. Oh, you still doing football?"  
"Yeah. First practice of the new season is today."  
"That's great; don't work yourself too hard. Remember your academics are more important."  
"Uh-huh. Love you. Do you wanna talk to--" he turns to Jeanette, who's rapidly shaking her head and making signals with her hands.  
"Uh, never mind. Bye Dad." He hangs up hastily and takes the phone away from his ear.  
Scoffing at his mother, he asks; "Should I have told him about Dave?"  
"Eh, I'll tell him when I talk to him."  
"And that'll be, when...?" He tests.  
The ringing of the phone breaks their pregnant silence.  
"Speak of the devil." Connor jokes, seeing that Dave just happens to be calling.  
Jeanette snickers and rolls her eyes at him, having him laugh.  
He watches her take the phone, and answer it.  
"Hello?"  
After only a few seconds, her facial expression changes drastically.  
"Oh, my I am _so_ _sorry_ to hear that. I appreciate you letting me know."  
Connor frowns, crossing his arms with suspense.  
"Alright...Okay, yes. Talk to later...Bye."  
Connor's expression changes from suspicious to sincere, seeing Jeanette hesitantly hang up the phone.  
"Is everything okay...?"  
She looks at him.  
"Dave's mother died."  
•••  
Walking through the parking lot to find his mutuals, Connor's walking is distracted and slow.  
Ever since Jeanette broke the news the him about the mother of Dave passing on from a stroke, the dark reality of death's really been starting to sink in on him.  
He's lost past pets before, but he's gotten over their deaths rather quickly. Great family members or distant cousins that he could never remember meeting, have died from drug overdoses to lung cancer.  
He knows he's going to have to deal with the deaths of his grandparents in upcoming years. Someday, his own parents.  
If any of those people died presently, he wouldn't know how to handle it.  
He couldn't imagine losing Sam, or Erin, or having to see them lose someone they love. He knows Sam lost his mother only four years ago from a heroin overdose; wondering how the hell an eleven year-old grasps something as dramatic as that.  
Add prior witnessing of alcoholism, and future post traumatic-stress on top of that.  
What breaks him out of his thoughts, is witnessing Dylan get out of a car that's not his own, with the girl from yesterday, named Sierra.  
'She hasn't friend zoned him yet?' He can't help but think, just before seeing Sam and Erin in the distance.  
"Hey. I saw Dylan get a ride from Sierra. How'd you get here?" He greets Sam with a question.  
"His neighbor drove us." Erin inputs.  
"The one your Dad's trying to get with?"  
Connor suddenly remembers Sam telling him about how his father looks at their neighbor like 'the stars shine out of their eyes.'  
"Thanks for that image, Connor."  
He and Erin both chuckle at Sam's words.  
They witness Dylan and Sierra walking through the lot and towards the building entrance, not appearing to be physically close at all.  
"So, what's been going on between them...?" He wonders.  
"No idea." Sam answers, shrugging his shoulders.  
"Still wanna rip her scalp off?" Connor teases Erin.  
"No..." She shallowly thinks about what she found out about her, yesterday.  
"She hates Dylan, now." Sam states with a smirk.  
Connor scoffs. "Edgy, Erin."  
"Okay--to clarify: I don't 'hate' him. He just...Really happens to be pissing me off, right now."  
"Now you know how I feel all the time." Sam smiles, and they all laugh.  
"I'm gonna put away my stuff. Should I dare leave you two alone with each other, or...?" She teases them.  
Connor's cheeks flush, while Sam just rolls his eyes.  
Erin giggles. "Seriously, though. You really thought you were gonna get away with that?" She recalls back to yesterday.  
"It's not like we were actually having sex." Connor defends playfully.  
"It was just a handjob."  
"Okay-la la la la la! I don't need details!" Erin raises her voice, turning away and covering her ears for a short matter of seconds. The boys snicker.  
"You're such a Mom." Connor jokes.  
She glares jokingly.  
"So you seriously don't like Dylan anymore?" Sam questions.  
"Yeah, Erin, I thought you were gonna be dedicating him the Best Friend's Brother song from Victorious!" Connor adds on with a grin on his face.  
Sam guffaws.  
"Oh, shut up!" Erin yells, unable to not grin herself.  
Their obnoxious singing of the song directed towards her, that's what drives her away.  
•••  
In Connor's history class, they mostly covered the deaths of victims and soldiers in World War Two.  
Walking down the hallway afterwards, in the same manner he was walking through the parking lot earlier, the thought of sudden death-and death of general-has him continue to recoil.  
"Hey..." He approaches Sammy, touching his shoulder so he doesn't feel so faint.  
"Hey, you alright?" Sam already notices that something's off.  
"Yeah, um, I have a question..."  
"Yeah..." He can tell that this is serious.  
"When your Mom...Passed on..." Connor studies Sam's facial expression after the words are spoken.  
The light in his eyes have disappeared, lips now tightly pressed together.  
Goosebumps appear on Connor's arms, remorse running through him.  
"Sam, uh-"  
"No...It-it's fine, go on..."  
"Um...How'd you handle it? And...How long did it take for things to get easier...?"  
Sam blinks two times.  
"I'd say it was around the six month mark; we started to accept the new normal. I dealt by...Shutting everyone out. Including Erin. But...Of course I still miss her everyday." He explains as best as he can. "Why?"  
"I dunno. The idea of death, and dying and just losing someone...It's something I've been thinking a lot about. Dave-the guy my Mom's seeing-his Mom had a stroke this morning...  
I guess I'm still kinda in shock about it. I don't like dying. I don't wanna lose my parents. Or my grandparents. Or you."  
Sam raises his eyebrows, mouth turning dry.  
"I don't wanna lose you either..." His heart trembles.  
Connor reveals a small smile.  
"I wish we could all just be immortal." He comments.  
Sam chuckles. "You're so cute. See you at lunch?" He make sure.  
"Defiantly. See ya." Connor gives his hand a tight squeeze, before watching him accidentally walk in the nearest door of the girls' bathroom.  
Or, maybe it wasn't an accident.  
•••  
The bell signaling next class, startles Sam inside the room he knew he was walking into.  
In anticipation, he takes out the eight pills he had transported from its bottle, to his pocket.  
He had already taken five this morning.  
What's one more? Or two? How much is too much?  
Before any of those questions can be answered, he hears the sound of vomiting and retching from the stall to the right of the one he stands closest to.  
Before he can bolt, the the door flies open with a slam.  
Both their postures stiffen, when they see each other.  
"What are you doing here..." Sierra anxiously demands, a touch of boldness in her tone.  
"Are you sick?" He ignores her question.  
"I'm fine." She claims.  
He observes her thin, now pale body.  
"It's rude to stare, pervert." She snaps.  
"I'm not perving. I'm just...Thinking." He speaks mysteriously, giving her knowledgeable eyes.  
"Don't tell anyone." She whispers roughly.  
"What about you? What are those...?" She points to the pills in his palm, thinking she caught him in an act.  
"That Aderall?"  
"Zoloft." He corrects, before the silence takes over them.  
"You break the ice to my brother yet...?" He asks.  
"No...I promise I will. The next time I see him."  
"Alright..." Sam nods.  
"You should go. I think you made a mistake." He sees her staring at the necklace he wears.  
"Problem?" He assumes.  
"No...It's cute. If you excuse me..."  
"You forgot to flush!" He yells, the second the door closes behind her.  
Another ring of the bell, and he shoves only two of the pills in his mouth; which he washes down with a gulp of sink water.  
•••  
In their second period class, poor Dylan still isn't aware of the boyfriend that Sierra has. He watches her carefully, as she sits next to him and doodles in her notebook.  
"Uh, that's pretty good..." He compliments the simple squiggly likes she drew with her red pen.  
She looks over at him. "Thanks..."  
He flashes a goofy grin.  
"So, listen. I ran into Sam in the girls' bathroom today." She starts.  
"Did he walk in there by accident or something?"  
"Didn't seem like it. They didn't really appear to care."  
"'They'?" He doesn't get why she's using the pronoun she is.  
"I mean, I'm just saying; that whole bathroom controversy that started earlier this year, about how you can go into the one that matches your gender identity?"  
"The school allows that?"  
"Not that I know of, but, that's clearly not stopping them."  
"What's with the 'them'..."  
"I'm just saying, maybe your brother isn't your brother. Think about it: they're always wearing that necklace."  
"That's because his-their-I don't fuckin' know-boyfriend gave it as a gift. Guys can wear  necklaces or whatever..." He tries to convince her.  
"I know. But...Just something to think about..." She mutters, right when their teacher walks in late. Dylan sighs, looking over at them.  
"Also, I saw them taking pills."  
"What?" This has him look right back over at her.  
"It was probably those pills you told me that they take."  
"But they already took their meds this morning...!" He panics.  
"You should get to your seat..." She whispers, noticing that the teacher is already writing on the board.  
"Yeah. Uh, thanks for telling me all this..." He touches her hand.  
"Um..." Her eyes lock with his.  
"I have a boyfriend..."  
"Who...?"  
Taking away his hand, Dylan looks across the room to a guy a much taller, bulkier looking guy in their chair, scowling at him.  
Back to his seat he goes.  
•••  
"Where's Erin?" Connor asks Sam, the two of them carrying their lunch trays to the table they plan sitting at, in the cafeteria after class.  
"She said she was gonna look for a book in the library." Sam informs, as they sit down next to each other and set down their food.  
"On what: how to get over your best friend's brother?"  
They snicker.  
"Speaking of that, uh, you know the girl Dylan likes?"  
"Yeah?" Connor's amused.  
"Uh, I saw her...Throwing up."  
"Like, the 'bad' kind of throwing up...?" Connor knows where he's getting at.  
"Yeah. Purging..." Sam confirms. "She told me not to tell anyone."  
"Don't you think you should tell Dylan, though? I mean, this is serious." Says Connor.  
"I know. It's just...Sad, really."  
"What were you doing in the girls' bathroom?"  
"What?" Sam's taken aback.  
"I saw you walk in there. I mean, where else would she be...Doing that?"  
Sam's cheeks flush. "I dunno...I-I was just going in there to..." He trails off, releasing a huff.  
"Can I tell you something?"  
"You know you can." Connor lightly takes his hands.  
Sam shows a smile, but it drops when he reminds himself of what he's going to say.  
"I took more pills..."  
"What...?" Connor thinks he means the worse.  
"Only two. But, I already took five this morning..."  
"How many milligrams are you on?"  
"Twenty five. So, technically I'm on one seventy five right now. It's not that much of an amount."  
"Do you think your doctor could prescribe you more? You shouldn't be taking more behind their back."  
"Yeah...I guess I just don't want to admit that I want to be taking more...I don't want more help."  
"There is nothing wrong with asking for help, Sammy. Especially to me."  
Sam nods. "I know...I guess I've just, been stressed out about some things lately..."  
"Like what?"  
"Stuff. Like..."  
Connor brushes Sam's cheek, when he sees him glance down at the very necklace he's wearing.  
•••  
In the library, Erin didn't exactly expect to find Dylan curled up against the bookshelves in the astrology section.  
"What the hell are you doing?" She whispers.  
"Hiding." He whispers back, looking up at her with his arms wrapped around his knees.  
"Sierra's boyfriend knows I'm into her. He looked pretty mad."  
"So your solution is to hide?" She asks, sitting down next to him.  
"What am I supposed to do? Fight him?"  
"You could just clear things up with him, like a normal person..."  
"I'd rather hide."  
"So...You really like her, huh?" She asks.  
"Yeah. Never gonna have a chance though. Guess I'll have no choice but to forget about it. That ever happen to you?" He looks at her with curiosity.  
She glares at him.  
"Oh. Yeah. Sorry..." He remembers her feelings for him.  
She sighs, looking away from his direction. She doesn't want to look at him anymore.  
"Listen, Erin...You're a great girl, okay? But, I'm eighteen. Right now you're too young."  
"I know..." She resumes eye contact.  
"So, in a few years, maybe..." He trails off, raising his eyebrows in seriousness.  
"Yeah, but, a lot can happen in a few years." She sees both sides of the equation.  
"I know. So...We'll see?" He asks, eyes now gleaming.  
"We'll see." She agrees.  
With that, they firmly shake hands.  
"Erin?" He asks, when a few moments of broken eye contact and silence has went by.  
"Yeah?" She looks at him.  
"Do you ever think that...Sam maybe...Isn't really Sam?" He speaks fragilely.  
"Like, when the PTSD symptoms change his personality?" She wonders.  
"No. Not that. Like..." He looks at her with scared eyes.  
"Their gender..." He reveals.  
"What makes you think that?"  
"I dunno, just, Sierra said she saw him-them-I dunno-in the girls' bathroom..."  
Her stomach drops.  
"Oh..."  
"Nothing you've seen has ever made you...Think?"  
"I don't think so...But, who knows. Maybe this is a recent thing. You never know, Dylan."  
She sees the tears in the eyes he refuses to look at her with, and pats his shoulder.  
"I just...Worry about 'em." He mutters, wiping the tears away.  
"Um...I know something about, Sierra..." She decides to bring up.  
"What is it?" This has him look at her.  
"Uh...When she was at your place with us the other day...I snooped through her bag...There was a notebook that, counted her calories, tracked what she eat, her weight...I think she has an eating disorder."  
His eyes turn dark.  
"W-what...?"  
"I just, thought you should know..."  
He's staring into space again. "Oh my God...D-Do you think her boyfriend knows?"  
His eyes are hopeful, looking at her again.  
"I hope so...Maybe he's helping..."  
He nods. "Yeah...Uh, so, how are you doing with...That?"  
Paleness overtakes her.  
"Uh...Better. I haven't been purging as much, but, I've been trying to watch what I eat."  
"You don't need to."  
"Thanks..."  
This time, they couldn't look away from each other even if they wanted to.  
"Hey." Sierra's boyfriend ruins the moment.  
"Please don't kill me! I'll never look in Sierra's direction again!" Dylan begs, standing up with his hands in the air.  
Sierra's boyfriend being someone Erin never thought she'd see again.  
"Aaron?" She asks, joining Dylan on her feet.  
"You know him? Tell him not to kill me!" Dylan begs.  
The librarian shushes him.  
•••  
Sam and Connor figure that Erin isn't coming back anytime soon, so they decide to walk alone out onto the empty field.  
"You ready for practice later?" Sam asks him, pulling Connor close with his arm.  
"I guess. I got assigned a bunch of shit in English so I kinda just wanna get that over with."  
"I have that later. We can suffer together." Sam jokes.  
Connor laughs, smiling at him.  
"C'mere." He pulls them both onto the ground, Sam's-who cackles-arm still around him.  
"You sure you okay?" Connor makes sure, climbing on top of him and stroking his hair.  
"Yes, ma."  
Connor laughs so hard until he snorts.  
"You're a fucking idiot." Sam smiles, sitting them both up on their knees.  
He lets Connor laugh into his chest, grinning at him with thankfulness.  
"You done yet?" He teases, holding him by his cheeks only to have his smile grow bigger.  
They snicker.  
Hands still touching his face, he forcefully rocks Connor's head back and forth; Connor chortling and pushing his hands away.  
"You're trying to kill me." He smiles at him.  
"Yes." Sam plays along.  
Again, they laugh.  
"Yo, Thelma and Louise!" Spencer, the boy who's on Connor's football team, and being one of the boys' that invited him to the party-yells out, jogging over to them.  
"Didn't they drive off a cliff together?" Sam asks, he and Connor standing up when they witness him stand before them.  
"Something like that. But you know there's a party at Luke's place Friday night?" Spencer asks him.  
"I don't even know who Luke is..."  
"You didn't tell him?" He asks Connor.  
"No, but that's because I don't even think I wanna go."  
"Oh, come on. It's not like you guys gotta do acid or some shit. Think about it."  
When he takes off, the couple make eye contact at once.  
"You wanna go?" Connor asks unsurely.  
"Sure. It's not like we're gonna be doing drugs or drinking. Besides-we can some have fun of our own."  
The smirk on Sam's face sends chills down Connor's spine.  
Maybe it's fun that Connor doesn't know whether he wants to have, yet.  
Erin wasn't lying when she called Sam a horny little shit.


	35. Start Ups and End Routes:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam struggles with their inner self. Connor tries rushing himself into something he's not ready for; while Erin gets harassed by Sierra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! If you enjoyed this chapter, PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS because my paranoid ass thinks that no one enjoyed it when I don't see any. Happy holidays <3

Chapter Thirty Five: Start Ups And End Routes:  
"Do you think we did the right thing...?" Erin hesitantly asks Dylan, the two of them cautiously walking down the school hallway together.  
"Yeah. It's good that we told him about Sierra. Now he can help her." Dylan concludes.  
"How do you know him, again?" He wonders, suddenly curious.  
Erin freezes. "Uh..."   
Dylan stops walking before her, turning in her direction.  
"He was the guy that I liked, over the summer. He liked me too, but, it didn't go really far. We went on like, two dates."  
"Well what happened...?"  
"I knew he was too old for me. So I broke it off."  
"Man you _really_ need to stop falling for older guys." He advises.  
She glares at him.  
"Why the face?" He doesn't understand how what he said affected her in such away.  
Sam and Connor make their way over to them, Sam especially not liking what he sees.  
"What are you guys doing...?" He asks suspiciously.  
Connor looks over at him, knowing what he's assuming.  
"Nothing. Uh, Dylan found out that Sierra has a boyfriend." Erin tries not to show guilt.  
" _See, Dylan, God!"_ Sam exclaims to him with a gawk.   
Dylan only rolls his eyes at him.   
"Come _on_ Erin." Sam pulls her next to him, and she frowns.   
"Let's _go_."  
"I'm gonna leave..." Dylan uncomfortably announces, before hastily doing so.  
"What's your _problem_?" Erin whispers to Sam.  
"Why were you _with_ him? I thought you hated him."   
"Not anymore."  
"Oh God _please_ don't tell me you like him again."  
"Sam, calm down." Connor starts lightly.  
"You're just gonna have to accept the fact that Erin might be your sister in law one day." He teases; he and Erin laughing.  
Not wanting to accept the possibility, Sam rolls his eyes and distances himself from them.  
"You wanna talk to him or should I?" Connor asks her.  
"Feel free to join me if you want."  
They walk over to the bench he sits on with crosses legs, Connor watching Erin sit down next to him.  
"So Sammy..." She starts.  
" _What_..." He glares at her slowly, not wanting to hear what she's about to say.  
"Me and Dylan agreed, that, _someday_..."  
He stands up before she can say anymore.  
" _Why_?!" He yells, Connor having no choice but to touch his shoulder in support.  
"Quit freaking out, okay?!" Erin yells, standing up as well.  
"I never _said_ anything was gonna happen. A lot can happen until I'm eighteen, alright? So chill. Why are you so agitated about this? Huh?"   
" _Because_! He's my _brother_ , and _you're_ my best friend in the whole entire world. I don't want to see either of you guys getting hurt." Sam finally clarifies his reason.  
Pupils widening, Erin's muscles slowly relax.  
"Oh...That's...That's really nice, Sam...I never knew you looked at it that way."  
"Well I _do_. Do you know how much I would want to _hurt_ him if he hurt you? Or how much I would want to hurt _you_ if you hurt _him_?" He starts, Erin's muscles resuming to tighten.  
"Okay, that's enough..." Connor simply pulls him closer to him, speaking in a kind whisper.   
"Um..." Erin tries changing the subject.  
"I recently found out that Sierra has an eating disorder."   
"We know." The other two speak together.  
"How?"  
"I saw her purging in the bathroom." Sam shares.  
"Oh..." Erin's debating on whether she's tempted to do so herself.  
"I just don't understand how someone could think that that's a good way to help themselves." Connor vents.  
"I understand if they were mentally diagnosed, but..." He scoffs.  
"Shit like that is _never_ the answer. It's sad."  
"Yeah..." Erin claims to agree, refusing to look at either of them.  
"Erin, you know you _don't_ need to go on diets, right? You never even needed to lose weight in the first place."  
"I know, I was just talking about eating healthier." She fibs, giving a shrug.  
For a few moments, it grows silent, again.  
"What were you doing in the girls' bathroom?" Erin finally asks Sam.  
"No reason."  
•••  
Later on that day, Sam feels a killer headache slowly starting to form. Groaning, he touches his forehead and fast walks his way over to Erin at her locker.  
"Hey. Hey." He repeats. "You got any ibuprofen? Midol? Something like that?" He tries not to speak to loudly.  
"What makes you think I have that stuff?"  
"Because of girl stuff."   
She scoffs, giving him a hard look in which he laughs softly at.   
"Here, idiot. Allergies?"   
"Yeah." He claims, though it's probably because of the two extra pills he took.   
"Here." She sets two of the blue tablets in his palm.  
"Thanks. I owe you one."  
"Sure you do."  
He sounds a mere laugh, grinning and jogging away.  
She watches him squeeze the pills into his fist.  
An emotional wreck, tear faced Sierra standing in the distance, watches him swallow down the pills with help from the water fountain.  
She grimaces, fearfully wiping the tears away.  
When Sam's left the area, she stomps over to Erin, who's still at her locker.  
She angrily slams the door shut.  
Erin flinches, seeing Sierra standing there in such an angry fashion.  
"Sierra...? What's wrong?"  
"Thanks to _you_ Aaron broke up with me." She snaps.  
"H-how is that my problem...?" Erin sweats.  
"He told me you and Dylan told him about my ' _problem_ '."   
"S-Sierra he had a right to know. He's your boyfriend. I mean, uh-"  
" _Was_! My fucking boyfriend until you _guys ruined it!"_ She screams.  
"Excuse me!" A male teacher raises his voice protectively, walking over to them with his hands on his hips.  
"Is she bothering you?" He sternly asks Erin.  
"I'm just gonna get to my last class..." She tries not to tremble, before rushing away without any of her books.   
Before the teacher can even question Sierra, she storms away to find Dylan.  
•••  
She interrupts his bio-medical class, by bursting in and dragging him out into the hallway.   
"What the hell?!" He yells; the other students either laughing or too shocked to say anything, one of those people being the teacher.  
She slams the door closed behind them.  
"I never expected this moment to happen like this..." He starts, mesmerized while deeply staring into her moist eyes.  
" _No, freak._ You and your little friend told Aaron about the shit that's going on, and he _dumped_ me."  
"What...?" He's caught off guard, turning sincere.  
"Sierra, we didn't think he'd do that. He was really understanding when we told him..."  
"Well not when he _dumped me!"_  
"It's not our fault he's an asshole. We thought we were doing the right thing...!" Dylan tries to protest.  
"Now he's gonna tell _everybody_!" She cries again.  
"Sierra..."   
She confidently wipes her tears.  
"By the way, I saw Sam take more pills. And not the ones they're prescribed. They were different. I saw Erin give them to him."  
"What...? A-are you sure...?"  
"Why would I lie?"  
He's left speechless, a gulp passing over the lump in his throat.  
"Get back to your class." She retorts, walking towards the exit of the hallway.  
"Sierra...! C'mon; let's talk about this!"  
"I don't need your _fucking help_!"   
Once she's gone, he knows that the only thing he can do is walk back into class.  
"Get a hummer, Dylan?" One of the students tease; the class resuming in laughter.   
Nope.  
•••  
After last period, and just before Connor's football practice, he and Sam sit on one of benches in front of the school building.   
"You sure you wanna go to that party?" He asks Sam.  
"Yeah, why?" He shrugs, backpack straps around his shoulders.   
"It's just, you want to up your med dose, and there's gonna be a bunch of booze and weed there, and stuff. I don't want it to have a negative affect on you." Connor explains, besides the fact that he's unsure himself.  
"I'll be okay. Don't worry. But enough about me. What about you?" Sam asks.  
Connor shrugs. "I'm not gonna drink any of that stuff. My Dad had problems with drinking so it's gotta be in my genes." He explains.   
Trying not to think of his past family dysfunctions, Sam bites his bottom lip.  
"If something happens you can dance your jitters away." Connor jokes, grinning when he sees Sam laugh.   
"Yeah. Defiantly." Sam plays along with a smirk. "If a slow song comes on will you dance with me?" He grins.  
Connor chuckles. "That's a very unlikely possibility, but if so, then yes defiantly."  
"Cool. You gotta get to practice?"  
"Uh, yeah." Connor stands up.   
"See you, 'kay beautiful?" He puts his hand onto his shoulder.  
"Good luck. You'll do great. And hey-if you ever get bored at the party we don't have to be there. Or we can just eat, hookup or something." He suggests breezily.  
"Yeah." Connor forces a chuckle. "Defiantly." He flashes another smirk. "See ya."  
After pecking his lips, he nervously walks off with a quiet exhale.  
•••  
Before Sam can find Dylan, Dylan finds him first.  
"Samuel Montgomery!"  
"What..." He's too focused on a ladybug that sits on the pavement below.  
Dylan squashes it in determination.  
" _Hey_!" Sam yells, scowling at him.  
"I will not let you become a drug addict like our mother was!"   
Two senior students casually walking by, slowly stop and take notice.  
"Move along!" Dylan commands.  
They do as eagerly demanded, and Sam looks back at him.  
"What is your _deal_?"   
"Where's Erin?!"  
"What do _you_ care." He turns defensive, still uneasy about the thought of them getting involved with each other.  
"Sierra said she saw her give you a pill that wasn't Zoloft."  
"Yeah, genius. Because it was _ibuprofen_. I had a headache."  
"Oh...Well w-what about when she saw you taking more of your meds in the bathroom when you already took your dose this morning?!"  
"I want to up my dose. I think I should take seven pills instead of five, now."  
"Oh...Well, have you been okay?"  
"Yeah. I've been fine. Connor thinks I should make it official with doctor Lemasters first before I start taking more."  
"Ah, what does it matter. It's just two more. Does she have to know everything?"   
Sam sees his point.  
"That's true." He stands up before the bench, again.  
"Thanks for telling me..."  
He nods. "Uh, there's this party on Friday. Connor and I are gonna go."  
"And you're gonna go to have a panic attack?" Dylan theorizes.  
" _No_. For your information, I'll be fine. I'm not gonna do any of that stuff anyway." Sam references the drugs and booze that will defiantly be there.  
"Are you and Connor gonna do some 'other stuff' though?" Dylan speaks in code, clicking his tongue and moving his fists in circles.   
"I dunno..." Sam blushes, pressing his lips together.   
"Maybe."   
"Well just be careful. It takes one of you to get horny for you guys to do it."  
"It takes two to tango."   
"Never mind..."  
Sam cringes, not wanting to know what he means by that.  
"Um, just in case, do you think you can lend me a condom or something?"   
"C'mon, man, I don't have any of that shit." Dylan sits down, expecting Sam to do the same.  
"You can't just go around doing stuff without a condom."  
"Who said I was doing stuff?"  
Dylan refuses to look at him, feeling Sam's endless gaze.  
"Really? I mean, I just assumed..." Sam shrugs.  
"Well, I'm not exactly a hookup kind of person." Dylan admits, looking back at him.   
"I get that. Would you ever do it with Sierra, if you had the chance?"  
Dylan whistles in fascination.  
"That ship has sailed, man."  
"Her boyfriend put a ring on it?"  
"Broke up with her because of the eating disorder thing. She's pissed at me."  
"You and Erin were only trying to do the right thing."   
"Yeah, I know..." Dylan's not looking at him again.  
"So, you've seriously never...?"   
Sam's glared at.  
"Quit asking me about that shit, okay?!"  
" _Geez_ , I'm _sorry_..."   
Moments of silence go by between them, before Dylan forces himself to ask the question that's recently been on his mind.  
"Sammy...? What were you doing...In the girls' bathroom?"  
Sam's eyes are moist, facial expression threatening.  
Meanwhile his brother is fearing to hear the worst.  
"You have to promise not to tell anyone..." The words come out in a whisper.   
•••  
"Hey, Aaron!" Erin calls out his name with confrontation.  
He stops walking, about to had enter the music room.   
"What's up...?" He asks, stiffly walking over to her with his books tucked in-between his right side and arm.  
"Why would you break up with Sierra."   
"What? Erin-"  
"You heard me. She _told_ me you broke it off because of what me and Dylan told you. Why would you _act_ like you were gonna help her when you--"   
"Whoa, _whoa_! Erin. Erin. I didn't break up with her. She broke up with me. I was trying to help her...She wouldn't listen..." He clarifies.   
"Oh...I'm sorry; I just thought because she told me-"  
"I get it. You were just trying to stick up for her. That's nice. But...I don't know what to do..."  
"I can try reaching out to her...See if I can help..." She's aware of her hypocrisy, offering to help a girl that has the same problem she does.  
"Thanks, Erin."   
They exchange smiles, and she walks away with knots in her stomach.  
Before she can make it to her locker, she's bumping into her.  
"Oh. Sorry, Sierra..."  
"Get _away_ from me, shrimp."  
"You're just calling me that because you're taller than me. Listen. Aaron told me that you broke up with him."   
Sierra scoffs.   
"Don't listen to _anything_ that dick says. By the way, he told me about the little 'fling' you guys had over the summer. Says the whole thing was pointless and that he only would've fucked you if you were of age."   
"What..?" She practically squeaks, debating on wether she should believe that or not.  
"Don't see why he would, though. I mean, you're just gonna get uglier."   
A speechless Erin is shoved past, when Sierra starts to strut away.  
"I-I have the same problem...!" She helplessly yells out to her.  
She sees her freeze, not moving an inch.  
"What...?" She looks back at her, hands on her hips.   
"I-I've purged a few times...But I'm getting better. And maybe I can help you get better, too..." She solemnly offers.  
Sierra snickers. "Oh, _please_. I'm only doing this to help me stay skinny and balance my _diet_. _You're_ only doing this because you're a pretentious _wannabe_."   
It's in that moment when Erin begins to believe that what Aaron said to her was true.   
•••  
On their first break in the locker room, Spencer checks with Connor.  
"You and your boy toy still going to Luke's party on Friday?"  
He scoffs, in response. "You mean my boyfriend? Yeah..."   
"You guys gonna hookup?"   
"What makes you think _that_?" Connor stares him down with worried eyes.  
"Just wondering. I mean, what else is there to besides drink and smoke?"  
"Dancing's a possibility."  
Spencer chortles, Connor turning embarrassed. "Only if you're completely _wasted_."  
"You gonna get some, Connor?" Another teammate teases him, the rest of the guys making hollering noises and cackling.  
"Don't get pregnant." Another teases, more laughter resuming.  
Connor rolls his eyes.  
"Sam gonna make you his bitch?" The second boy that spoke, adds on.   
The rest of the team laughs again.  
"How does that work?" Someone asks, actually confused on how gay sex works.   
Connor leaves.   
•••  
Sam doesn't have to worry about getting that condom, because after practice, Connor plans to get one himself.  
He enters the nearest Planned Parenthood with spine chills and butterflies in his stomach.  
"Hi..." He approaches the woman behind the desk, eyeing the open plastic container of condoms on the surface.  
"Uh, is scheduling a...pregnancy termination, a thing...?"  
"Yes."  
"Okay, cool...W-uh-not for me. For, uh, my sister. She swallowed."  
"Semen in your stomach doesn't knock you up, sweetie."   
"Well, she swallowed, but he still didn't pull out in time..."  
"So you want to schedule an abortion?"  
"Actually, she wants to do one right now. I was just wondering if scheduling one was an option or not. She's on her way."  
"Alright. I'll get the paperwork."  
Grinning when she's in the back room, he takes a condom out of the container with his sweaty palm, and sprints out of the place, thinking he's committed a crime.  
•••  
"I did something _bad_." He smiles to Erin over the phone, now upstairs alone in his room.  
"Connor, you started screaming when I was about to put Ouija on, over the summer. This better be good."  
"I stole a condom."  
" _Damn_ , Connor. _Nice_! What store?"  
"Well, not exactly a store."   
"Your Mom?"  
" _No! Gross!_ Planned Parenthood."  
For the next matter of seconds, all he can hear is her guffawed lighter.  
" _What_?"  
"You know the condoms there are free, right?"   
"You're _joking_ , right?"  
"I'm dead serious...!" She can't help but burst into hysterics, again.  
"You're _serious_?!" He can't believe he thought he thought he'd done such a thing.  
"It's _good_. We don't need you living a life of crime, and now you can fuck Sam all you want."   
"Fuck off, Erin."  
She cackles, leading him to hang up the phone.  
•••  
Later on, he walks downstairs to Jeanette huddled up on the couch, hugging her blanket covered knees.   
"Mom...?" He walks closer to her.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Dave wants to take a break, sweetie." She speaks in a soft whisper, staring down at the hot coffee filled mug she holds.  
"Why...?" He sits down next to her.  
"It's because of his mother...He just seems so wrecked. I want him to be okay..."   
"Oh. Well, that makes sense. We can always check up on him..." Connor doesn't want to say the wrong thing.  
Not hearing her say anything, he leans closer and wraps his arms around her.   
"C'mere. I got you, Mom..." He whispers.  
It breaks his heart, to see her cry.  
August 24th:  
That morning before school, in the kitchen, Dylan and Sam mouth words to each other that Ken can't make out.  
"What are you guys up to?"   
They flinch, looking over at him with looks of guilt.  
"Uh...Nothing." Sam claims, just before Dylan drags him into the dining room.  
"You gotta tell him."  
"He won't get it."  
"Connor?"  
" _He_ won't get it either."  
" _I_ get it."  
Like told that she could do, Mindee walks inside the house, unannounced.  
"Hey. Noelle got bagels from the bakery."  
She greets Ken, referencing her sister that lives under the same roof as her.  
"That's one hell of a statement."  
"It's an _offer_ , dumbass."   
Interrupting their snickering, Sam and Dylan come rushing out.   
"Hey Mindee how are you...?" Dylan starts, forcing a smile.  
"Suspicious. I assume you two are guilty?" She calls them out right away.  
As quickly and logical as they can, the siblings exit the house.  
"I'll trade you my kids for yours." Ken speaks up after the pregnant silence.  
"Deal."  
In the car, Sam swallows down seven pills.  
•••  
If Jeanette wasn't overwhelmed enough, her stress isn't going away when she finds a condom in Connor's middle dresser drawer.  
" _Connor_...?"  
He walks into his room, and before he can responded he's getting bombarded with questions.  
"Have you been having sex? _Are_ you having sex? What's going on behind my back? Where'd you _get_ this-?!"  
" _Chill_ , Mom! How'd you even _find_ it?!"  
"I was putting your clothes away!"  
"Well I can put my _own_ clothes away!"  
"You never did when I _asked_ you too, yesterday!"  
For a few seconds, he says nothing back.   
"Mom, I only have that; just in case..." He clears up.  
"Well I'm glad you're thinking cautiously. But I want you to know that sex isn't just about pleasure-"  
"Okay yeah yeah yeah Mom I got it--"  
"Sex is about two people not just connecting sexually and physically, but emotionally-" She continues anyway.   
"Mom I know. I've seen The Notebook. I gotta go." He doesn't care if he has to leave early to escape his Mom's preaching.  
"Should you bring this with you?" She holds the contraceptive out in front of him.  
" _No_!"  
•••  
At school, Sierra slams Erin's locker door shut, again.  
"Hey shrimp."  
"Don't you have anything better to do with your time?"  
"You purge this morning?"  
"No, why? Did you?" Erin raises her eyebrows and crosses her arms.  
"Just wanted to see how fucked up you are."  
"Like _you're_ not?" Erin tests.  
"Keep your mouth shut, _skank_."  
Witnessing the situation, Arron walks over to them.   
"You bothering her?" He interrogates Sierra.  
"You dumped me; why are you even _talking_ to me?" She asks back, Erin rolling her eyes.  
"Sierra-"   
"Save it."   
She angrily walks across the hall, standing at her own locker.  
"Thanks." She sees Erin thank Aaron.  
"No problem. She can be a real head case."  
Sierra scowls, watching Erin chuckle at him.  
Her first instinct is to find Dylan.  
•••  
"Hey, Sierra. I was meaning to ask you; you still want me to tutor you-?"  
"I'll be over later."  
His brow furrows, caught off guard.   
"Really? It's just because you were pretty pissed at me yesterday-"  
"I'm sorry. I'll make up for it. I'll pay you extra."  
"Oh, no, you don't have to-"  
"I insist."   
She kisses his cheek, and he can't even feel intact with the world around him, when observing her walk away.  
•••  
Connor jumps, feeling Sam abruptly wrap his arms around him.  
"Oh." He whispers, seeing him.   
"It's just you." He grins.  
Sam giggles, taking away his embrace.  
"What's up, you?" He smiles.  
"Um..." Connor decides to break the ice.  
"I got a condom, yesterday."  
Slowly, Sam's eyes widen by the millisecond.  
"Did you, now...?"  
"Yeah. My Mom found it this morning. Tried giving me the talk."   
Sam chortles. "Scary. Well, thanks for, letting me know..." A smile slowly appears on his face.   
Connor chuckles, cheeks flushing.  
"Dave wants to take a break with her because of what happened with his Mom. She's an emotional wreck about it."  
"Aw, your poor Mom. I hope things work out. She deserves the best." Sam supports.  
"I know. So do you." Connor smirks.  
"I already do." Sam pokes his shoulder, and they giggle.  
"You take your meds?" Connor checks.  
"Yep. In the car. Seven pills."  
"Does your doctor know yet?"  
"No, but, I can email her. Give her a quick dose update."  
"Okay." Connor's tone is serious. " _Please_ let her know. And your Dad, too."  
"Don't worry..." Sam takes his hand lightly.  
"Dylan knows. And so do you..."  
Connor nods. "I know...But I also know that addiction runs in your genes. I don't  want anything getting out of hand..."  
Sam roams his eyes away from him.  
"Um..."   
Connor looks down at the necklace he gave him, that sits around his neck.  
"Is there anything else, you wanna tell me?"  
Then and there, Sam looks as if he might cry. The first bell rings.  
"You don't wanna know..." He whispers.  
Connor's stomach drops.


	36. Underestimation:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam reveals a new truth, staring to deal with an issue they thought they would never have to look out for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) I love you guys, and if you have any complaints, questions or any kind of feedback feel free to comment below!

Chapter Thirty Six: Underestimate:  
Steadily walking down the now empty hallway, Sam holds tight onto Connor's hand.  
"Sure you're okay?" Connor makes sure, eyes full of sadness and suspense.  
"Um...After I tell you, what...I tell you..." Sam's palms both sweat.  
"You might not want to be with me anymore."   
"What makes you say that?" Connor tries to show bravery on the outside, but is fearing the worst on the inside.  
"Uhhhh..." Sam's too ashamed to even look at him.  
"Sammy..." Connor touches the back of his neck.  
"Please know that you can tell me anything."  
He looks back at him, slightly noticeable tears now in his eyes.  
"I know, but, this is kinda serious." Tears are now visible in Sam's eyes.  
"Hey...It's okay. It's me. It's us..." Connor assures quietly.   
"Ummm..." Sam's body is overheated, skin pale and stomach in knots.  
Connor wipes away his tears for him.   
"I..." His hands are numb.  
"I'm bigender..."  
Knowing he's coming out as an identity that isn't specifically cisgender, Connor's face softens.  
"So, you're..." He trails off, wanting Sam to clarify.  
"A _freak_."   
"Stop that." He demands, pulling him in for a hug.  
"You are _not_ a freak. You are who you are..." Connor let's Sammy cry into shoulder.  
"I'll do whatever I can to make you feel comfortable...I promise..." He finishes, just before Sam takes away his hold, and looks into his eyes.  
"Some days...I'm a boy. But others...I'm a girl." He explains.  
Connor smirks. "Then you must be the first girl I've ever been attracted to." He flirts, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close.  
Sam chuckles. "I'm not one right now...But, when I am..."  
"Let me know..." Connor has their noses press together.   
"I got you, Sammy."  
In response, they giggle; and resume crying at the same time.  
"I guess I've always just kinda knew...When I heard about people being transgender I thought ' _that's kinda my situation, but not really'._  
I tried ignoring it, for most of my life. I've always sometimes liked to wear dresses, and stuff like that...Like when I told you I like to wear necklaces. Then, I just...Couldn't hide it anymore." He tells Connor his story as quick as he can.  
He's kissed on his cheek.  
"I accept you for who you are, Sammy. Please know that."  
Sam can't keep the smile off his face.  
"I don't know what I did to deserve you, but...Shit; am I lucky." He gives a content smirk.  
Connor giggles, unable to keep his eyes off of him.  
"God, you're beautiful."   
Sam scoffs at him. "You're such a spazz."   
"A truth speaking spazz."  
•••  
After their next period, Connor walks up behind Sam, who's distractingly watching Erin and Aaron talk to each other, at her locker.  
"Hi." He greets amusingly, resting his elbow into Sam's shoulder and putting his chin on top of his hair.  
"Hey." Sam chuckles lightly, trying to focus on him.   
"Whatcha lookin' at?" Connor asks, before observing what Sam sees.  
"Did you know that they started talking again...?" Sam asks, turning towards him and taking both his hands.  
"No..." Connor watches them. "Didn't Sierra break up with him?"  
"That's what he's been saying."  
"Well he better not be lookin' for a mercy fuck." Connor mutters.  
Sam stares at him.  
"What...?" Connor doesn't understand the shock value.  
"Do you think she likes him again?" Sam starts to worry.  
"Would you rather her like _Dylan_?" Connor teases him.  
"Shut up." He scoffs.  
"I heard my name." Dylan speaks up, happening to be walking over to them with his arms crossed.  
"Uhhh..." Sam tries searching for an excuse, Connor awkwardly looking at his surroundings.  
"Yeah yeah. Save it. Uhhh...I think Sierra likes me. She kissed my cheek, guys..." Dylan speaks boldly.  
"She's probably just looking for a mercy fuck." Connor brings up.  
"Will you stop _saying_ that?" Sam asks.  
"I'm just the messenger."  
"Not really."   
"Guys! Can you _focus_?" Dylan demands.  
"Sorry..." They look at him.  
"So, do you like her?" Connor questions.  
"Yeah, but...I just don't think she's in a good place, right now. She's probably just confused about what she wants."   
"So it _is_ a mercy fuck." Connor concludes.  
"I don't _want_ to mercy fuck her!" Dylan panics. "But I don't wanna date her if she doesn't--really like me. Besides; she just ended it with Aaron."  
Right then and there, he looks over and sees him talking with Erin.  
"Why are they talking?"   
"Like we know." Connor answers.  
"Didn't they like each other?" Dylan continues.  
"Like, forever ago." Sam answers.  
"Yeah, I knew that..." He speaks distractedly, unwillingly blinking for a matter of seconds.  
"I'm gonna go deal with all this shit. See ya." Without saying anything else, he walks away.  
•••  
In their next class, Dylan and Aaron just so happen to be paired as lab partners.  
"Um...So how you holding up about Sierra?" He decides to ask him, instead of doing what they're supposed to be doing.  
"Fine. I saw her around and she looks alright."   
"Yeah..." Dylan looks away uncomfortably.  
"Do you think you want her back?" He resumes his gaze.  
"Not right now, nah. It is what it is."   
In agreement, he nods.   
"You like her?" Aaron decides to ask.  
"What?" He's caught off guard. "Uhhh..."  
"'Cause it's fine if you do. I don't care. If you make her feel better, then I'm fine with that."  
"Oh...Thanks." Dylan's surprisingly pleased. "She kissed my cheek earlier, so..."  
"So ask her out." Aaron suggests.  
"Yeah, but, I don't just wanna be a rebound, or whatever..."  
"So talk it out with her. Just...See what's going on."  
Dylan nods. "Yeah...I will. Uh..." He suspiciously looks around the room.  
"I saw you talking to Erin. She's, uh, best friend's with my...Brother."   
At least he's sure Sam's his brother, today. He doesn't know for sure.  
"Yeah. She's cool. We hung out over the summer a few times."  
"Mm hmm..." Dylan's eyes are locked down on the table they sit before.   
"Dude. I'm; not gonna try anything...We're just friends." Aaron assures.  
"You better be. 'Cause if you do _anything_ to her you're gonna have to take a lot of de-chemical showers after I'm through with you." He threatens.  
Lump now in his throat, Aaron stares at the shower in the corner of the room, that Dylan was talking about.   
"So let's get started..."  
•••  
In the hallway, Sam finally catches up with Erin.  
"Hey..." He breezily walks next to her.   
" _Hey_! What's up?" She's happy to see him.  
"Um, are you into Aaron again?" He gets the question out of the way.  
"What? No. He just got dumped. And like you guys said, he's too old for me." She shrugs at him.  
"So, you're just...Hanging out with him?"  
"Not hanging out. Just, talking. Like acquaintances." She clarifies.  
"Oh. Okay. Well, just checking. I don't want you getting hurt again." He stops in his tracks.  
Copying him, she smiles.  
"You're sweet, Sammy. Thank you."  
He returns the gesture. "Of course."  
When almost out of his eyesight, he calls out her name.  
"Yeah, Sammy?" She turns around.  
Rapidly blinking, he sweats intensely.  
"Uh...Tell me if he's an ass, alright?"  
She chuckles. "Will do. See ya later."  
Seeing her officially walk away, he lets out a sigh.  
•••  
"Hey Sierra..." Dylan approaches her at her locker.  
"Hey." She grins at him.  
"Um...You still wanna come over later?"   
"Yeah. Defiantly."  
"Um, maybe you can stay a little longer. We can hang out." He suggests.  
"Yeah! That sounds cool!"   
"Okay..."   
After exchanging awkward chuckles but positive smiles, he touches her shoulder in comfort.  
She grins at herself, after he's walked away.  
•••  
Instead of heading to practice like he should be, Connor makes out with Sam up against the lockers in the locker room.  
"Mm." He catches his breath after a handsy Sam takes his lips away from his for air.  
"You still wanna go to that party...?" He pants out.  
"Yeah. Why the hell not." Connor answers breathlessly, pecking their lips various times with a smirk.  
"You okay?" He notices the uneasy look on Sam's face.  
"Yeah. I just...Haven't told Erin about...The gender thing."  
"The gender thing?"  
"That's what I call it."  
"Ah..." Connor nods. "She'll understand. Don't worry."  
"What if she doesn't..."  
"Less worrying, more this." Connor concludes his point with another kiss to Sam's lips.  
Trying to force himself to forget about this, Sam roughly wraps his arms around him, forcing them to switch positions by pushing him up against the locker.  
Connor breaks the kiss to chuckle.   
"Show off."  
Sam chortles. "Did I hurt you?"  
" _Fuck_ no."  
Knowing that he's purposely trying to sound tough, Sam smirks and buries his face into Connor's neck.  
He closes his eyes and arches his back, feeling Sam's lip on his skin.  
Moments pass by, and he grips onto Sam's sides.  
He has to bite his cheeks to stop himself from letting out a sound.  
"Mm, Sam, stop; you're gonna give me a hickey." He doesn't want their make out sessions being on full display.  
"That's kind of the point, silly." Sam teases him, and Connor can't help but quietly guffaw; throwing the back his head against the metal door.  
"I won't make it that noticeable." Sam informs, before resuming to kiss the same area of skin; this time having Connor almost fall over from the shock of pleasure.  
" _Crap_..." He whispers, acting like he's late for practice, when he actually still has a few minutes left. He straightens his posture. Sam takes his mouth away, looking up into his eyes.  
"Should you get going?" He asks, wiping the saliva away from his lips.   
"Yeah." Connor pecks his lips again. "Uh, I-I gotta go. Talk later." He forces a nervous smile, before bolting out of there.  
Watching with a disappointed look on his face, Sam bites his bottom lip; knowing exactly what's going on.  
•••  
Hearing Dylan and Sierra giggle and joke around in the other room, Sam sits before the bottom of his bed with his arms crossed and a sulking expression. They haven't appeared to get much tutoring done.  
He has no idea what the status of their relationship is, but it seems to change every day.  
He grows tense, hearing Dylan jog closer towards their closed door.   
"Hey." He greets Sam, stepping inside and running over to their desk.   
"Hey..." Sam watches him open the drawer, and pull out a few blank pieces of lined paper.   
"How's it going with Sierra?" He feels like an idiot for asking that question.  
"Good." Dylan chirps, closing the drawer and stepping away.  
"Is she like, your girlfriend?"  
"I dunno. I mean, I _want_ her to be..." Dylan slowly takes a few more steps forward.  
"She doesn't hate me anymore, so that's good."  
"Is she doing better with the E.D?"  
"Haven't asked. But--I'll help her no matter what."  
Sam nods; Dylan about to exit the room.  
"Dylan?"  
He looks back at him hastily.  
"Yeah."  
"Um...What does it mean if Connor doesn't want to have sex with me?"  
"It means he's not ready and you're just overthinking it too much. See ya, kinkster."  
Sam crinkles his forehead with a roll of his eyes, hearing him leave.   
With a dramatic sigh, he stands up and walks over to his backpack. Instead of taking out the homework he should do, he takes out the almost empty bottle of Zoloft pills.  
He dryly swallows down the last four.   
•••  
Sitting in the passenger's seat of Jeanette's car on the way back from practice, the vibration of Connor's phone fades the booming music coming out of his earbuds.   
**Hey bud. U free this weekend?** Adam had texted him.  
 **After Friday night I'm free. I'll see if I can work something out.** He texts him back, before changing the song he's listening to, and setting the phone back in his lap.  
He looks over at Jeanette, who's happily talking on the phone all while studying the road.  
His music is so loud that he can only see her lips moving, but can't exactly make out what she's saying.  
He taps on her shoulder, pulling out his earbuds at the same time without even pausing the song.  
"Hold on." He watches her tell the person on the other line.   
"Yeah?" She asks, the phone now pushed up against her shoulder.  
"Can I see Dad this weekend?" He asks.  
"Yeah; we'll talk about it at home." She answers, and hastily puts the phone back to her ear.  
"Hello? Hey; I'll talk to you later...Okay. Sounds good--bye." She hangs up with a smile.  
"Who was that?" Connor wonders.  
"Just Jamie from work."  
Connor pretends to know who that is.   
•••  
August 25th:  
"Dad can you get a refill on my prescription?" Sam asks him urgently, in the kitchen that morning.  
"Yeah I'll do it later today." Ken's distractedly putting his shoes on.  
"You don't have time to do it now? Or-or Dylan and I can stop there on the way to school." She desperately tries looking for an option.  
"I don't even think the pharmacy is open, Sammy." He turns to her with an apologetic look.   
She bites her bottom lip and shuffles her socked feet on the floor.  
"You think you'll be able to go without them for a couple hours?" Ken feels bad for them.  
"Yeah. I-I'll be fine. I don't wanna make you late..."  
He kisses the top of her head. "I love you."  
"Love you too...Dad?"   
"Yeah?" He looks at her, hand just about to touch the door knob.  
She doesn't know how to spit it out.  
"I'll be okay..."  
"Call me if you need anything."  
' _Your daughter needs more pills.'_  
Once he's out the door, Sam runs upstairs into their father's room to find their bottle of sleeping pills.  
" _Sam_! You ready?!" She hears Dylan call out, two of the pills planted in his palm, sitting before Ken's bottom right night side table bottom drawer.   
" _Yeah_...!" She shoves the pills under her tongue. Hastily, the cap is twisted back onto the bottle, and shoved back into the drawer. She slams it closed.   
The pills are swallowed.   
"Sister dearest!"  
"I'm coming and _please_ stop calling me that!"  
•••  
Walking down the hall together to each other's lockers, Connor informs Erin, "I think I'm gonna see my Dad this weekend."  
"That's nice!" They stop at hers, first. "Without Sam, this time?" She teases.   
"Shut up. Yes."  
They laugh, just as she opens the door.   
"Hey..." Sam greets wearily.  
"Hey!" Erin grabs what she needs for first period.   
"You alright? You don't look too good."   
"Yeah. I'm fine...I gotta wait for a refill on my prescription."  
"You sure you'll be okay until then?" Connor walks over and touches her arm.   
"If anything happens we'll help you." Erin informs her.   
"Thanks..."   
" _Sammy...!"_ Dylan awkwardly beams, walking up to the three of them and claps his hand enthusiastically. Sam jumps.  
"Yeah...?" They're suspicious.  
"You know that party you and Connor are going to tomorrow night?"  
"Yeah..."  
"Well don't go."  
"Why _not_?!" Sam scowls, spreading out her arms in irritability.  
"Sam should be back on his pills by then though, right?" Erin asks, thinking that's what Dylan's worried about. Sam gulps.  
"Oh. Dunno. I don't care about that. Me and Sierra are planning to go and we don't _need_ you guys all up in our space." He explains.  
"I thought Sierra hated you..." Erin begins to worry, hoping that Sierra won't have an easier way to annoy her just because she's now close with Dylan.  
"Not anymore. It's all chill. See ya."  
"Wait! Dylan you can't just tell us not to go to that party." Connor frowns.  
"Yes I can. Find something else to do. Jerk each other off at the movies or something."  
The three other teens cringe at his recommendation.  
"See ya sister dearest."   
"Did he just call you...Sister dearest?" Erin asks, the first bell ringing while Dylan walks away. Sam flinches, Connor squeezing onto her hand.  
"Uhhhh..." She's embarrassed that not only Erin's suspicious, but that Connor now knows.   
"He's just being annoying..." She claims.  
"Oh..." They both notice Erin's look of defeat.  
"What's wrong?" Connor asks her.  
"So, are Sierra and Dylan like, a thing now?"  
"I guess. They seemed to be having a good time yesterday. He told us she kissed his cheek." Sam explains.  
"Oh..."  
"You still like him?" Connor wonders, having Sam tense up with uncomfortableness.  
"I _swear_ I'm not jealous because of that. That'd be stupid. She just...Hasn't been very nice to me, okay?"  
" _What_?" The two ask her in sync.  
•••  
After their first classes are over with, Connor sprints up behind Sam in the hallway.  
She gasps but laughs afterwards, feeling his arms around him.  
"Hey." Connor smirks.  
"Hi." Sam giggles, turning around and grabbing Connor's hands.  
"So, I don't know if I've told you yet but I have this _really_ great girlfriend..." Connor grins cheekily at her.  
They laugh. "You're a dork." She rubs her eyes with a yawn.  
"Yes, yes, I know." He wraps his arms around her.  
"You...Don't mind?" Sam's smile is flattered.  
"Of course not. You'll always give me butterflies whether you're in a dress or a tuxedo."  
Sam snickers. "Touché, weirdo. You seen Erin around?"  
"Not since before class. But I'm gonna talk to Dylan quick. I don't want him being with that bitch if she's gonna be mean to her."  
Connor smiles. "You're cute when you're all defensive."  
Sam grins. "And you're cute no matter what." She pecks his lips.  
"You alright?"  
"Yeah. Just..." She yawns again. "Really tired."  
"Take a nap when you get home." Connor brings her closer to him.   
"I will..." She smiles. "I'm gonna get going...  
See ya!" She calls out, while walking away.  
•••  
Before he heads to lunch, Dylan heads to Sierra at her locker, after talking with Sam.  
"Hey...Sierra."  
"Yeah?" She smiles at him.  
"Um...Listen."  
Her smile drops.  
"Sam told me that Erin told them you're not being very nice to her. Why is that?"  
She sighs. "I guess just because, before we started going out I saw her talking with Aaron and I got jealous. But, it was stupid. I should know better than to pick on a kid."  
"Yeah..." Dylan nods. "Uh, I'm glad you told me that. But, I really think you should be apologizing to her. She's Sam's best friend. And my friend.  
"Right." She smiles again.  
This time, _he_ kisses _her_ cheek.  
•••  
Erin's locker door is slammed closed again.  
"What do you want _now_?" She scowls at Sierra.  
" _Listen shrimp_. Dylan knows that I've been...Not very nice to you."  
" _And_?" She raises her eyebrows.  
" _And_ I told him I'd apologize to you...I'm sorry."  
"Sorry you did it or sorry you got caught?"  
She groans. " _Fine, alright?!_ I'll try to be nicer to you from now on. But listen to me when I tell you this. Don't do anything stupid with Aaron."  
"He's just my friend. I don't have those kind of feelings for him anymore."  
"Well he might not think so. I'm just letting you know. Girl to girl. Friend to friend."  
"We're not friends."  
She tiredly glares at her. "Whatever, shrimp..."  
•••  
Interrupting their nap, Ken opens the door to Sammy's room.  
"Got your prescription, Sammy." He speaks quietly, walking over and setting their bottle down on the dresser.  
"Thanks..." She mumbles, tired eyes opening slightly. Her body tenses up with determination.   
"Love you. Have a good day?" Ken ruffles her hair.  
"Yeah--was work okay?"  
"The paycheck and coming home to you kids is worth it."  
She chuckles, smiling tiredly.  
"Um, can Connor and I go out tomorrow night?" She brings up the question.  
"Yeah, where?"  
"Uh...Just somewhere with Dylan and what's her face-Sierra."  
"Don't let them get you and Con' into trouble, alright?"  
Sam giggles. "Alright, Dad."  
When the door is finally closed behind him, Sam sits up and reaches for the medication bottle off of the dresser.  
Not even keeping track of the seven pills they pour into her hand, they stiffly swallow them down.   
•••  
August 26th:  
Dizziness. Nausea. Dry mouth. Tiredness. Change in appetite or weight.  
Those are just some of the side effects of Zoloft. Those of which you experience, if you specifically take more than your body and mind can handle.  
" _Damn_. Are you okay? You look _wrecked_." Erin nervously observes Sam walk up to her at her locker, in the hallway before first period starts.  
"I'm fine..." She claims. "Just don't feel very well..."  
"Well do you wanna go back home?"  
" _No_...I'll be fine."  
"You take your meds this morning?"   
"Yeah. Two." They hold up the same amount of fingers.  
" _Two_? I thought you just got a refill."  
"That's only 'cause I took seven yesterday."  
" _Seven_?"  
"Relax. It's only twenty five milligrams."  
"But...We don't want you taking too much. Can't you get this sorted out with your doctor?" In that moment, Aaron slowly makes their way towards them.  
" _Sam_!" Erin yells, when she abruptly sprints away in the direction of the bathrooms.  
"Hey...Things alright with them?" Aaron asks.  
"Uh, yeah. They will be. What's up?"  
•••  
Despite their gender identity, Sam pushes her way into the boys' bathroom.  
She heavily breathes in and out, pacing around the room and feeling her sweaty forehead.  
She's the first thing he sees, when Connor walks in.  
"Hey." He's intrigued to see her there.  
"Something's going on with me..." Sam panics, stilling their body and looking at him with petrified eyes.  
"Hey. It's gonna be okay..." Connor assures, walking over and taking her in his arms.  
"You on your meds? You get your prescription refilled?"  
"That's the _thing_. I'm on _too_ many of them. I don't know how to balance them out." Sam panics, making her way out of Connor's hold and pouting at them.   
"And now I'm experiencing all these _damn_ side effects."  
"Shh. Shh. Come here. Take a deep breath." Connor comforts them, putting his hand on her shoulder.  
"They'll go away...I promise..." He brings her in for a hug, kissing the top of her head.  
She whimpers something, burying her face into his chest.   
"I love you, Connor..."  
"I love you too. You sure it's the pills that aren't making you say that?" He jokes.  
She giggles, straightening her posture and looking into his eyes.  
"So I'm guessing you're not my girlfriend anymore?"   
"No, I am..." He can see that Sam is still insecure about it, and strokes her hair.  
"I don't care about the bathroom thing that much. I just wanna take a piss."  
Connor snickers.  
"I talked to my parents this morning. I'm leaving for my Dad's Saturday morning and will be back Sunday night. We can still go out tonight if you want." He explains.  
"Without me? How will you _ever_ survive?" Sam teases.   
"No idea." He plays along, and they both laugh.  
"Want me to cheer you up? We still got some time to spare." He leaves kisses down her neck.  
She shows a small smile at the feeling, but still steps away. "I'm not in the mood."  
" _Seriously_? I'm _shocked_ , Sam. You're _always_ in the mood."   
She scowls but grins at the same time.  
He wiggles his eyebrows with a grin, knowing he's messed with her.  
Now both laughing, they playfully push each other back and forth.   
Right before the bell rings, Sam pulls him in for a kiss.   
With each time it feels more and more natural.


	37. A Night To Remember:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor, Sam, Dylan, Erin, Sierra, and Aaron all go to the party together.   
> Things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to anon for leaving a nice comment on the last chapter! If you want to ask me questions, I'm heyoricohannah on Tumblr :)  
> This chapter is long and dramatic. All my readers are lovely <3

Chapter Thirty Seven: A Night To Remember:  
Connor finishes the fruit roll up he bought from the nearby vending machine, Erin by his side when walking out of first period.  
"So Aaron asked me to that party tonight." She decides to tell him.  
"What...?" He asks, mouth still full when throwing away his trash in the can they walk past by. He looks at her.  
"Yeah. We're just gonna hang out."  
He guffaws. "Maybe in _your_ mind."  
She frowns, knowing what he's getting at. "Things are gonna be fine, Connor."  
He snickers. "Oh come _on_." They stop walking. "Are you really _that_ naive?"  
"I'm _not_ naive!"  
"That sign over there says 'gullible'." He points in a random direction.  
Intrigued, she looks over at the empty wall on the other side of the room.  
Connor scoffs, this time.  
" _Hey_!" She yells, glaring at him. This has him resume to laugh.  
"Erin, _please_ don't go with him. He's just gonna wanna have sex with you."   
"Then I'll just say no! I'm sure he'll understand."  
"You're so aloof."   
"I am _not_!" She yells; as Connor has enough, and storms away with her realizing.  
"Where'd you go?!"   
She confidently walks over to him at the water fountain he walked over to.   
"Connor, _please_ trust me on this."  
"And please trust _me_ on this." He sighs dramatically.   
"If he did want to have sex with you...Would you?"  
"No. I don't even want to kiss him. I want to be his friend."   
"What if he doesn't think that?"  
"He and Sierra will be back together in no time."  
"What about her and Dylan?"   
"Right..."  
They ignore the first bell that rings above them.  
"Is that a hickey?" Erin points out the tiny purple mark on the right top of his neck.  
"What? Oh my God- _is_ it?" Connor panics, turning beat red.   
In an instant, he takes off to the nearest guys' bathroom.  
" _Connor_!" Erin yells, following him inside.  
"What's the big deal?" She asks, standing next to him in front of the sinks as he stares at the mark with wide eyes, in the mirror.  
"What's the big _deal_?" Erin doesn't understand.  
"I-I need something to cover this up..." He sweats, nervously shuffling his feet on the floor.  
"It's not that noticeable. I didn't just notice it until now..." She speaks hesitantly.  
"I know, but-" he groans.  
"I don't want people to think that me and Sam are doing stuff."  
" _Aren't_ you, though?"  
"Kinda. I mean we haven't gone all the way, if that's what you're asking."  
"Do you _want_ to?"  
His heart drops at her question.  
"I don't know. He does..." He's embarrassed at the thought, also feeling slightly guilty for using the incorrect pronoun.   
"Well if you don't then let him know...Let's make a pact that neither of us will have sex tonight."  
They high five on it, just as the final bell rings. "Wait. Does that just mean actual intercourse?" He asks.  
"Yeah."  
"So oral sex doesn't count?"  
"No."   
"Okay good."  
She stares at him. "I'm gonna get to class..."  
•••  
When chemistry class comes around, Dylan decides to talk to Aaron when sitting at their experiment table.  
"So, I'm uh going to this party with Sierra tonight...Is that okay?"  
Aaron scoffs. "Dude; it's fine. You don't need permission for that stuff. It's cool. I'm going with Erin."  
"Wait. What...?"  
"Yeah..." He doesn't see the problem.  
"You know she's not even fifteen yet, right?"  
"Yeah, so...?"  
"So don't lay a _hand_ on her." Dylan snaps.  
"Calm down, okay? I would never-"  
"If you did, me and Sam would _pound_ you."  
Right after he says that, the teacher walks in.   
"How's everyone doing today?" She chirps.  
"Good, Miss Fialo..." The class speaks at once.  
•••  
After class, Dylan finds Sam and Erin at Sam's locker.  
"Uh, Erin, I'm--"  
" _Erin_." Dylan interrupts Sam's coming out.  
"What." She looks at him.  
" _Don't_ go to that party with Aaron."  
"Wait, you're what?" Sam asks, not knowing that piece of information.  
"Oh my God- _this_ again-it's _none_ of your business, Dylan-" Erin starts.  
"You're not _listening_!" He yells.  
"No _you're_ not listening!" She screams back.  
"Erin, maybe you should think about this..." Sam advises, understanding Dylan's concern.  
"It'll be _fine_! I appreciate your concern but it's my choice." Erin turns to her, high strung.  
"She _is_ right..." Sam hesitantly looks at Dylan, who angrily sighs.  
"Fine. Don't come _crawling_ to me if anything happens." He retorts to her with a cold look. Erin scowls at him, watching him walk back to his needed hallway.  
Sam stays uncomfortably silent.  
"You were saying?" Erin asks breezily, turning back her. Her arms cross.  
"Ummm...It's nothing."  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah..."  
"Okay..." She knows she's only claiming. "Um, should I just show up at your house when we go to the party tonight?"  
"Yeah. Sounds good. See ya." She flashes a noticeably forced smile.  
•••  
"So, where are you two going again...?" Ken curiously asks his two sons that night around eight thirty in the living room, watching them wait for Connor, Sierra, Erin and Aaron to come over.  
"Bowling..." Dylan fibs.  
"With Connor, Sierra, Erin, and her date." Sam lists off slowly.  
"He's not her _date_." Dylan snaps.  
"You know what I _mean_." He says back.   
"Who's her date?" Ken asks.  
"Some guy." Dylan mutters.  
"Will you _chill_? I'm not the happiest about it either." Sam tells him.  
"What's going on?" Ken continues asking questions.  
"Her date's a senior." Sam reveals.  
"That used to date my date." Dylan adds.  
"Do her parents know she's going out with him?" Ken turns protective.  
"They're not 'going out'. She says she doesn't like him like that." Sam clarifies.  
"Well do you think she still likes _you_?" Ken points to Dylan.  
"I don't _know_!" His voice turns high strung, face red. Sam only scoffs, just when there's a   
knock on the front door.  
Dylan grumbles gibberish, while walking over to answer it.  
"Hey Connor." He blandly greets, after seeing that it's him.   
"Hey." He walks inside, Dylan closing the door for him.  
The couple smiles when greeting each other. After Connor nicely says hi to Ken, he turns to Sam.  
"Uh, I can't stay out too late 'cause I gotta get up early to drive to my Dad's."  
"Okay, that's cool." Sam nods, flashing a smile.  
Sierra shows up next, she and Dylan greeting each other with a short hug.  
Sam and Connor give each other sly smiles.   
"Hi. Nice to see you again." She says to Ken, who says hi back with kindness.  
"Is that little Erin girl here yet? Where is she?" She carefully looks around for her.  
"Uh, no, not yet..." Dylan answers timidly, Connor frowning.   
"She's not that little..." Sam mutters.   
"They should be here shortly." Dylan informs.  
"Uh, before they do I'm just gonna get my jacket real quick." Sam announces.  
"It's not cold out." Says Sierra.  
"Well it'll get cold..." Sam jogs upstairs.   
In his room, he unnecessarily swallows down two of his pills that weren't even needed.   
' _Just in case...'_ He thinks.  
•••  
When Aaron and Sierra see each other downstairs, both their pupils shrink.  
"Ugh- _God_ , Erin-I _told_ you not to _go_ with him!" Sierra yells to her.  
"You should really just mind your own business." Aaron responds to her, Erin standing by his side.  
"How about _you_ mind your own business about _me minding my own business!"_   
Dylan quietly calms her down.  
"So, you're a senior?" Ken's eyes pin Arron down. Dylan tries not to laugh.  
Without a jacket, Sam returns downstairs. "Where's your jacket?" Connor asks.  
"Uh, couldn't find it..."  
"Yeah..." Aaron answers Ken's question.   
"And he _dumped_ me." Sierra has the nerve to bring up.   
" _You_ broke up with _me_!"   
"Can we just go...?" Erin asks them.   
"Who's gonna drive with who..." Sam asks.  
"Maybe you all should drive together. So you don't get lost on your way to the alley." Ken suggests.   
Connor's about to ask why he's talking about an alley, but Sam covers his mouth.   
Unsatisfied, no one says anything.  
•••  
Dylan drives, while Sierra sits in the front seat. Erin, Aaron, Sam and Connor all sit together in the backseat.  
"Can you slow down a little?" Erin asks impatiently.  
" _Excuse_ you, but I have had--" He counts on his fingers, quietly whispering to himself. Sam rolls his eyes.  
" _Three_ years of driving experience. So I think I know what speed to drive and not to drive at--"  
Connor alarmingly points out a squirrel in the road, and they all scream at the same time the screeching tires dodge it.  
Sierra turns the radio on, only to have all of them argue over which music to play.  
"Ugh. This is the song that Aaron and I danced to at the cancer charity event. Turn it off." Sierra purposely glares at him through the rear view mirror, when they all finally agree on a station.  
Sam cringes.   
" _So_?" Aaron challenges.  
They begin yelling at each other, and Dylan repeatedly honks the horn to stop them.   
" _Enough, okay?! Jesus!"_  
Sam and Connor hold each other's hands out of fear, for the rest of the way there.  
•••  
When arrived at the big sized, hectic and noisy house full of blasting music and other teenagers drinking, smoking, talking and dancing, the three couples go their separate ways almost instantly.  
"Shouldn't we keep an eye on Erin and Aaron?" Connor asks, as Sam pulls him down one of the many hallways to look for a room they can be alone in.  
"She'll be fine. There's people around. And she knows how to fight. She broke my arm once in the fifth grade." Sam informs, the two of them entering what looks like a dark, empty guest bedroom.  
"On accident?" Connor separates their hands and closes the door behind them.  
"No..."  
Connor stares at him, and Sam gives a kiss so neither of them have to say anything anymore.  
A make out session ensues, the two of them mutually pulling away for air seconds at a time. Sam wraps his arms around him pulling him closer, while Connor touches his hair.   
When he kisses Sam's neck, his jeans are almost unbuttoned.  
"Um--" Connor breathlessly pulls away and looks at him.  
"I-I forgot the condom." He says, purposely doing so.  
"That's okay."  
He frowns. "No, it's not, Sam...Are you _crazy_?" Connor didn't mean for his tone to come out so harshly.  
Sam's eyes dull, lips pressing together.   
"You're right...I-I'm sorry I'm _so_ stupid. I can't even get hard. I-It's not you it's just-"  
"The meds." They finish together.   
"Yeah..."  
"Um...Maybe I can like, eat you out..." Connor suggests awkwardly, crinkling his nose at the way he worded it, but knows that 'blowing' isn't the correct term for a girl.  
"Uh, I'm--not a girl anymore...And even I was, that still doesn't biologically...Sound right..." Says Sam, not wanting to be pushy with their identities changing.  
Connor chuckles.   
"Um..." He unexpectedly starts rubbing him through his jeans.  
"Does that help?"  
Sam relaxingly exhales, feeling slight pleasure. "Yeah..." He giggles, before moving Connor's hand away and grabbing him by his shoulders.  
"Maybe I can find something to help and we can still try..." He whispers in his ear.  
"No, Sam." Connor becomes exasperated, stepping away.  
"There should be lotion in the bathroom-"  
"No, Sam! I _don't want to have sex with you!"_ Connor screams at him.  
The dialogue between them disappears.  
By the look on Sam's face Connor can already tell that he's insulted. He doesn't even look at him.   
" _You_ were the one that bought the condom..." He doesn't understand, looking right back at him.  
"Because I felt like I _had to!"_  
" _You_ got me off in my room that one day-"  
" _So_?! Just because I'll do _some things_ with you doesn't mean I want to _go all the way_ with you." Connor interrupts him again.  
"Then why didn't you just _tell me?!"_  
"Because you're always all over me and I never get a  _chance to!"_  
Sam recoils.  
"Is _that_ what you think?! _Excuse_ me for showing you affection. I wouldn't go all the way with just _anyone_ , Connor. Yeah I did stuff with that one other guy-"  
"Oh quit _acting_ like you wouldn't have fucked him-" Connor starts.  
"Maybe I _would_ have. And maybe I _should_ have." Sam snaps, but Connor knows he's only saying that to get a rise out of him.  
"Was this the only reason why you wanted to come here with me? To get me into _bed_?" Connor grills.  
"I dropped _hints_ about it-"  
"Maybe I should just _leave_ , then, if that's all you want to do." Connor concludes.  
"It's not even just about the pleasure, you know that?! It's about _being_ with you in that _kind of way._ With you there would be strings attached and I _want something like that._  
I want to be with you in as many ways as possible. But if you're not _ready_ for that..." Sam emotionally trails off, holding back the humiliated tears.  
This isn't the part where they share a passionate mercy fuck on a stranger's bed.  
Or where Connor tells him that he understands what he's he's saying.  
This is that part, where Connor leaves.  
Hearing the door close with Connor now on the opposite side of it, Sam knows that he's fucked up.  
•••  
Things get even more melodramatic, when Dylan and Sierra share a room.  
"Um, I'm really glad you agreed to come here with me tonight..." He smiles, slowly draping his arm around her.  
She chuckles. "Me too...Sorry about the Aaron drama. I just don't want him hurting Erin."  
"Didn't you and her get off to a rough start?" He asks.  
"Yeah. But we made up. I don't know." She answers, sitting down on the bed with him.  
"But, I know you and your family really care about her, so it'd be foolish for me not to."  
He grins. "So, now you're just going after the guy she's hanging out with?" He teases.  
"He's my ex, so it's okay."  
They both laugh.  
"Uh, did he...Really break up with you?" He questions.  
"No..." She admits shyly, looking down at her shoes.  
"I...Broke up with him. But only because I thought I didn't deserve help with what's--going on with me..." She looks back into his eyes.  
"You do though, Sierra..."  
"Thanks. And, um, I don't know if you know, but Erin's told me that she has the same problem."  
"Yeah..." Dylan doesn't want to think about it. "Maybe it'd be good if you two try to help each other get better. I mean, you know what each other are going through."  
"Yeah." She agrees with a forced smile.  
I just hope she knows what could happen with Erin. Not that I want him back. I have someone else on my mind..." She smiles suggestively.  
He snickers.  
Within four slow seconds of leaning into each other, Dylan finally kisses her.  
While exchanging giddy smiles afterwards, Dylan tells her, "Uh, I really like you...Sierra."  
"Prove it."  
"What?" He chuckles merely.  
She pins him down and practically forces a make out session.  
"Mm-Sierra; I don't think we should move so fast." He speaks when their lips finally pull apart.  
"It's alright. I have one." She pulls a condom out of her pocket with a beam.   
"Sierra-" He lets out, but she repeatedly kisses his neck in interruption.  
"No-Sierra-" He pushes her off of him, and stands back up on the ground.  
"What the _hell_?" She asks, sitting up on her knees and scowling at him.  
"I'm just--not ready for that kind of stuff, okay?  I still _really_ like you-"  
" _Clearly_ you don't."  
"Sierra...!"  
Fuming, she throws the condom on the ground, and storms out of the room.  
Right away, Dylan feels like a coward. He wishes he could tell her that the reason he has intimacy issues is because of what his mother did to him. But the truth can never come out so easily.   
•••  
The brothers pass by each other in the hallway, when looking for the ones who have left them.  
They greet each other at the same time in the exact same way, not even looking at each other.  
Sierra is furiously smoking a cigarette on the porch, while Connor is observing a full bottle of vodka at the drink table.  
' _Fuck it.'_ He thinks.  
If Sam can abuse pills like his mother did, why can't Connor drink like his father did?  
He takes a few swigs straight from the bottle.  
It only escalates from there.  
•••  
It's understandably melodramatic, when Erin and Aaron enter a room alone together.  
"You hungry or anything?" He asks her.  
"Oh, no..." She tries not to show her vulnerabilities. "I shouldn't eat, right now."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"I just have schedules for when I should and shouldn't, and stuff..." She explains worriedly.  
"You don't need to do that." He says.  
"Thanks, but..." She trails off, but then deciding to rip the bandaid off.   
"I kinda have the same problem Sierra does."  
He passionately stares at her, with crossed eyes.   
"You're beautiful, Erin..."  
"Thanks..." She says with a blush, thinking about how Dylan told her the same words.  
He goes in for a kiss, but she embarrassingly steps away.  
"Uh, I feel like we should just stay friends." She feels bad for letting him down, when they were somewhat previously involved with each other.  
"Didn't you like me over the summer?" He frowns.  
"Yeah, but, not anymore. You didn't do anything, it's just that w-we spent so much time apart, and I thought we could start over as friends--"  
"Is it Dylan?"  
"What? No. I'm getting over him. I'm actually kinda pissed at him right now." She clarifies, trying not to think too much about what happened.   
"Come _on_ , Erin. You can't have just _stopped_ liking me."  
"But I did..."  
"Just-" he tries pulling her closer, but she shoves him away.  
"Don't _touch_ me!" She demands.  
"This is ridiculous." He retorts.  
"Yeah! It _is_!" She agrees, but for an entirely different reason.  
"You're an _asshole_." He's called out. "Did you just bring me here to get into my _pants_?"  
"Maybe if you weren't such a prude you'd say _yes_."  
"The guy I hooked up with over the summer showed more respect towards me than you _ever_ will." She finishes.  
She exits the room with a slam, leaving him in awe.  
In another story, this would be the part where Dylan and Erin find each other in the right place at the right time, after leaving the people who've done them wrong.  
Except this isn't another story. So Erin tries to make her way outside of the house as fast as possible.  
"Hey, Erin. Have you seen Con--?" Sam yells out to her, in the kitchen. He's ignored, watching her clenching fists and motivated feet storm past him.   
He squints his eyes in suspicion, getting a bad feeling.  
"Hey..." Connor slurs to Erin, grabbing onto Erin when he sees her walk by in the living room.  
"What _happened_ to you?!" She asks, astounded to see him like this.  
"Where's Sammy..."   
"Stay a _way_ from him right now. You're gonna make him _upset_." She doesn't want Sam's PTSD affecting him in the slightest way possible.  
"Come on; he's fine. He's on pills."  
"Fuck off, Connor." She cringes at the scent of his breath, pushing him off. The last straw being pulled, she leaves the house like intended.  
"Hey." She jumps at Sierra's presence and voice, eyeing the cigarette in her hand.  
"Hey..." She sits down next to her.  
"Aaron wanted to have sex with me..."  
"Dylan _didn't_ want to have sex with me...Want a hit?" She offers her the cigarette.   
"No thanks..."  
"Your loss." Sierra furrows her brow at her, before coughing uncontrollably.  
Erin cringes.  
•••  
Sam finds Aaron gulping down a bottle of beer up against the hallway wall.  
"What'd you do to Erin?"  
"What the hell are you _talking_ about."  
"She walked out of here all pissed. I _know_ you did something."  
"Why don't you just get the fuck out of here." Aaron straightens his posture, glaring down at him.  
"Why don't _you_ just tell me the truth?!" Sam raises his voice, just before Dylan walks into the scene, originally looking for Sierra.  
"What the _hell_ is going on?"  
"Tell your _fucking_ brother to mind his own business.  
" _Excuse_ me? What's happening, here?" Dylan frowns.  
"He _tried_ something with Erin. She left looking mad as hell."  
"Yeah 'cause I'm the cause of _all_ her problems. Ever think that maybe it's _you_." Aaron points at Dylan.   
" _You're_ the one that's always treating her like shit."  
"You're lying through your teeth and you _know_ it."   
With the facial expressions they give and the body language they're expressing, Sam can tell one is about to ensue violence with the other.  
"Hey! _Hey_! Fucking _enough_." He separates them.   
"I was in the middle of looking for Connor. Can you help me?" He asks Dylan.   
" _I'm_ looking for _Sierra_."  
He huffs. "I'll check outside. Go look somewhere else." He pushes him down the hall, where he continues to look.  
"Fucking bitches." Sam hears Aaron mutter, when he takes one step forward.  
"Fuck off, Aaron." Sam flips him off, while walking away.  
Quietly opening the front door and stepping outside onto the porch, he sees Erin and Sierra sitting next to each other only a few feet away.  
"Ever think that he's just; not ready?" Erin considers to Sierra about Dylan not wanting to sleep with her. "Just because he doesn't want to do that yet doesn't mean he still doesn't _like_ you for who you are."   
Those words hit Sam hard. Deciding he's heard enough, he steps back inside.   
Shutting the door behind him.  
He's in the middle of looking for both Connor and Dylan; Connor for the obvious reasons, and Dylan so he can inform him on where Sierra is.   
"Hey, Sam!" He hears an unfamiliar, slurring voice in the background of the usual hallway he's looking in.  
"Remember me?!"   
He ignores them, walking forward until they lurch right in front of them with red, baggy eyes, and a tooth filled booze breath smile.  
He may have forgotten his name when talking about him to Connor, but seeing him again in person defiantly has him remember his name now.  
"The fuck do you want, Colin?"  
"Remember me?" He repeats.  
"Yes, drunk ass. I remember you. Get out of the way." He walks away from him and into the nearest room in hope of Dylan or Connor.  
"Whatcha' doing? Connor gonna make you his bitch?" Colin asks, mindlessly following him with a grin.  
 _'I would've made him **my** bitch, but that's besides the point.' _ Sam thinks.  
"Fuck off."  
"You guys gonna fuck? Can't believe _we_ never did."  
Sam's now growing uncomfortable. "Whatever. I'm looking for my brother."  
He tries to walk out the doorway, but Colin won't let him leave.  
"Get out of the _way_ , _dipshit_!" Sam screams irritably.  
"Just shut up and fuck me."  
Sam goes into instant panic mode, too scared to even move when Colin closes the door, and practically throws him onto the bed.  
He starts to yell.  
"Shut up, bitch." Colin grunts in his ear, after climbing on top of him.  
His pants being unzipped, is what has Sam fight back.  
" _Fuck you!"_ He screeches, throwing him off the bed and watching his head hit the floor.  
As fast as he can, with a shaking figure, Sam leaves the room, making sure to close close the door.  
Running down another random hallway, he dodges into the nearest empty room he can find, crawling inside. He shakes and sobs, staring at the blurry floor below him.  
' _He was gonna rape me. But could he have, if I can't get an erection?'_  
"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God..." He cries to himself, remembering to pull his fly up.  
"Wha's wrong?"   
He almost screams, still on his knees when spinning around. At first his heart lightens at the sight of Connor above him, but his feelings change back to panic when he can tell that something isn't right.  
"Are you crying 'cause 'a me? I love you..." Connor speaks drowsily.  
"You're drunk..." Sam shakily backs up.  
"'Cause I'm mad at myself for that fight we had. C'mere; hug me." Connor starts walking closer.  
" _Stop_!"   
"Is it 'cause I wouldn't have sex? Well I'm ready now. But maybe we shouldn't if I'm like this. I wanna remember, and, you seem like a night to remember." He smirks at him.  
" _No_..."   
Connor can tell that he's petrified.  
"C'mon, baby, I'm not try-na scare you. Your meds have your dick all unresponsive. I couldn't rape you even if I tried."   
" _GET OUT! GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!_ " Sam's backed up against the desk drawer in front of the back wall, now, tears resumed down his face. He grabs a cup of pens and pencils off of the desk, throwing them only a few inches towards Connor. The utensils spill out everywhere.  
He glumly stares at him.   
"I don't see why you're like this...I'm not gonna say shit like your Mom..." He mutters, thinking that's the reason.  
"Just leave! _Don't touch me!"_  
"Fine, but, I love you..." Connor says sluggishly; doing what Sam so very much requested, and leaving.   
He slides down against the left light blue wall next to the open door, not wanting to be away from him.  
"I'm waiting for you right here, Sammy..."  
Hearing those words, has Sam cry even harder.  
' _Even when he's drunk he loves me._..'  
•••  
"You wanna get out of here?" Sierra asks Erin, still on the porch together, smoking her third cigarette.  
"I should really tell Sam or Dylan." She considers, knowing Connor must still be wasted.  
"You can just text him. The farther away from that asshole-" she means Aaron-"the better."  
They cackle at each other, standing up at once.  
"Come on." Sierra says, prior to them jumping off the porch and walking down the lawn.  
"Sure you don't wanna cigarette?"  
"I'm good..."  
•••  
Dylan accidentally steps on a sleeping Connor in the hallway, when looking for Sammy.  
He snorts, lurching up and opening his eyes.  
"Sammy." His first instinct tells him.  
"Nope. Just me...Are you hungover?"   
"No..." He lies, just before a girl in one of the other rooms shriek, causing him to groan and feel his forehead.   
"Great. Where's Sammy?"  
"Other room." Connor points over.  
Sam, who's also asleep in the same spot on the floor, sprints up with panting breaths and threateningly points at Dylan with a pencil on the floor next to him, when he's gently awoken.  
"Hey. Hey. It's okay..." Dylan whispers, touching his shoulder.   
"I can't find Sierra or Erin."  
"Last time I saw them they were talking on the porch..." Sam rubs the back of his neck.  
"Well I think we should go. It's getting late and Connor needs to get back."   
Sam wearily nods, strugglingly standing up.  
"He's a little hungover." Dylan shares, walking over to the door and purposely slamming it shut.   
" _Owe_!"  
Dylan cackles, Sam unable to help laughing himself awake.  
•••  
Like told to do, Erin had texted Sam saying she and Sierra walked to town, which the three boys found strange but decided not to question.  
Sam didn't want to sit in the passenger's seat, purposely sitting in the backseat and letting Connor lean against him.  
"You doing okay Connor?" Dylan makes sure.   
"Mm hm..." He doesn't even open his eyes.  
"Alright...Just checking..." Dylan purposely opens and slams his driver's door various times.  
" _Stop_..." Connor drags the word on, burying his face into Sam's shoulder.   
"Dylan! _Stop_!" He shout whispers, pulling him closer to him.  
Dylan chuckles, when pulling up in front of Connor's house.  
"Want me to help you in?" Sam offers, seeing Connor sit up. He undoes his seatbelt.  
"Nah. I'll be...Fine."   
"Okay. Love you. You can sleep on the way to your Dad's tomorrow."  
"Love you too. And, uh, I'm sorry about...Everything."   
Sam kisses his cheek. "It's okay. Get some rest." He speaks gently.  
With focused eyes, Sam and Dylan make sure that Connor safely gets inside his house.  
Connor wishes his hangover was so bad that he's experiencing hallucinations, when he sees Richard sitting on the living room couch next to his mother.


	38. Ex's And Oh's:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor returns back to Adam's, to many surprises. In fact, he makes a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I love writing this. I hope you guys enjoy it too. Please leave any sort of feedback! Hate, like, love, complaints or questions!

Chapter Thirty Eight: Ex's And Oh's:  
Jeanette didn't expect for Connor to be home at this certain time.  
Connor never would've expected for her to go back to the man that abused her son, and will probably abuse her in the future.  
"Connor...! Y-You're back already, I see..?" She asks, standing up, glass of wine in her hand.  
"Dylan and Sammy dropped me off..." He looks directly at Richard, his headache only getting worse. Knots enter his stomach.   
"You alright? You don't look so good..." Jeanette observes, stepping closer to him.  
" _No_..." He continues to glare at Richard.  
"I'm _not_ okay."  
"Connor..." Jeanette starts, not wanting to deal with this.  
"You're fucking _kidding_ me..." He whispers bitterly, stomping his feet on the floorboards when distancing himself.  
"Connor! Come back!" Jeanette yells.  
"Listen to your mother." Richard speaks up.  
Connor stops in his footsteps, unable to believe what he's hearing.  
"I might have to listen to _her_ ," he snarls at Richard after turning around. "But _never_. Expect me to listen to _you_."  
" _Connor_!" Jeanette scolds.  
Unexpectedly, he takes off running to the bathroom.  
Jeanette sets down her glass, before walking inside and watching him throw up the remains of the too many drinks he had while kneeled before the toilet.  
"Were you _drinking_?" She's astonished, putting her hands on her hips. She walks over before where he kneels.  
Retching, he coughs and looks over at her.  
" _Why_ are you with him..."  
"Connor, that's to discuss later."  
" _No_!" He yells, confidently standing up and wiping spit from his bottom lip.  
"I _told_ you I don't like you guys together, Mom."  
"Connor, you're just going to have to accept it. You're going to be _fifteen_ in a matter of months."  
" _That's_ what you think this is? Me being immature?"  
" _Clearly_ you're mature enough to be getting drunk. I can't _believe_ you would do such a thing!" She scolds.  
"Quit changing the subject!" He demands. Having enough, he bolts upstairs and into his room.  
But Jeanette's not done there.  
"Richard's told me things, Connor. He told me you Sam and Erin tried _breaking into his house_ over the summer?!" She yells, standing before the bed he hides in; covers over his body.  
"Just _get out!_ " He yells, not daring to show his face.  
"Fine. I'm dropping you off at your Dad's first thing in the morning. Try to get rid of your hangover by then. I don't like what's going on with you, Connor."  
She slams his door while exiting, not caring if she's making his headache worse.  
•••  
August 27t _h_ :  
Instead of getting ready to go to his Dad's first thing in the morning like told to, Connor gets ready and sneaks out to Sam's, first thing in the morning.  
He cuts through woods and sneaks down peoples' driveways, it taking him a little over twenty minutes in walking-or in his case jogging-distance, to arrive there.   
"Connor?" Sam asks, seeing him standing on his porch at eight thirty in the morning.  
"I, uh, wanted to say goodbye to you before I left for my Dad's for the weekend..." Connor tells him.  
He has him step inside.   
"You feel better?" He asks, closing the door.  
"Feel better from what?" Ken asks, he and Mindee sitting at the kitchen table and drinking coffee.  
"Ummmm..." Connor doesn't know what excuse to come up with.  
"I got a little...Hungover..." He admits.  
"You _what_?" The adults ask together.  
"Those bowling alleys can get pretty wild..." Sam still tries to make it look like they were bowling.  
"You didn't go _bowling_ , did you?" Mindee interrogates them.  
The boys stay quiet, until Sam asks Connor a question.  
"Did you come here because you're nervous about going to your Dad's?"  
"What? No. Of course not. I want to get away there."  
They can all hear the irritability in his tone.  
"What's wrong?" Mindee asks.  
"Me and my Mom got in this stupid fight. She's just really pissing me off right now." He vents.  
"About the drinking?" Ken figures.  
"Yeah..." He tells one truth, but leaves out another.  
"Well you know better than to be doing that." Ken scolds him.  
"I know..." Connor knows he's in the wrong. "Um, have you heard anything from Erin?" He changes the subject, looking at Sam.  
"No. I was just about to ask you that-"  
As if on cue, she enters the house. With messy, frizzy hair, crooked glasses, and no bra.  
No one can take her eyes off of her.  
"Are you okay?!" Mindee yells.  
"I didn't know where else to go so I came here..." She shuts the door behind her.   
"What _happened_." Connor demands, walking over to her.  
"Sierra."   
"Sierra _beat you_?!" Sam demands.  
"Not exactly.."  
"Where'd you guys even go last night without a car?" Connor wonders.   
"Well, we went into this gas station parking lot and she insisted on breaking into someone's car. I couldn't stop her. I had no choice to go with her. We drove for a while, and she picked up some weed. She convinced me to smoke it with her, and well, I did..."  
Connor looks over at Ken. "I don't think I'm the kid you need to be scolding."  
He shushes him, wanting to hear the rest of Erin's story.  
"We were _really_ high, and then...I dunno, things...'Happened.'"  
"Oh my _God_!" Mindee yells in realization.  
"You _slept_ with her?!" Connor asks.  
"Erin! You're a _minor_!" Sam concludes.   
Ken can only awkwardly sip his coffee.  
"She's still seventeen...! And a half..." Erin weakly defends.  
"It was magical." She continues.   
"Until I woke up in the backseat of the car in a Denny's parking lot."  
"Denny's?" Everyone else asks together.  
"Yeah. We had some of their food last night."  
"Man, you really _were_ high." Connor mutters.   
"So, how...Was it?" Sam doesn't know how to not sound uncomfortable.  
"We were high. So naturally everything tasted great."  
"What...?"  
"She's talking about the food." Connor grunts.  
"Oh..." Sam realizes. "I thought she meant-oh...Okay..."  
"I hear their fries are pretty good." Mindee speaks up.  
"Oh they are. Well, maybe they're not when you're not stoned." Erin replies.  
"But if you're wondering about the sex-" she looks at Sam.   
"It was cool. But maybe just because I was high. I don't know. Either way, I never knew my voice could get so high pitched."   
They all stare at her.  
"Good for you...?" Sam doesn't know how to react to that.  
"Where's your bra?" Connor asks her.  
"I have no idea..."  
Again, she's stared at.  
"Damn, Erin." Sam can't help but mutter. "What happened to your glasses?" Connor asks.  
"Oh. That and the messy hair is only because I tripped down a hill in the woods on the way here. I'm okay though."  
Right on time, Dylan walks downstairs. "Morning." He instantly notices Erin's appearance.  
"Whoa, Erin, what _happened_ to you?"  
"Uh..."  
All eyes are now on her.  
 _'I had sex with the girl that you didn't want to have sex with.'_  
"I fell...In the woods...On the way here..."  
"Why were walking through the woods on the way here?"  
"Uh, 'cause no one at home would drive me..."  
"Oh...You hung with Sierra last night, right? I haven't heard anything from her."  
"Oh, they _hung_ alright." Sam hints, and everyone but Dylan glares at him.  
"What?" He asks him, not understanding. Erin sweats when he looks back at her.  
" _Welll_...I _really_ think I should be getting to my Dad's house. See you guys...!" Connor wants to leave before things get ugly.   
With a quick kiss to Sam's cheek, he scatters out of the house.  
•••  
"Where _were you?_ " Are Jeanette's first words to Connor, after he casually walks back inside his house.   
"At Sam's. I wanted to say goodbye before we left."  
"Well you could've _asked_ me to drive you there!"  
"You were sleeping. I saw that the wine bottle was empty."  
" _Connor_ -"  
"So you yell at _me_ for having a hangover, then you go and have one?"  
" _Wine_ makes me _tired_. _That's_ why I wasn't up so early like I usually am. Get your stuff, and _get in the car."_  
•••  
Up to the last two minutes of the two hour ride over, Connor either sleeps or listens to music. He sits in the backseat with his earbuds in, not wanting to sit next, or talk to her.  
"I don't want you going out of the house. Just please stay with your father." She instructs sternly, after he's taken his earbuds out.  
"Why can't I go out?"  
"It's important you spend time with your Dad. Plus we don't need you getting into more trouble."  
He almost gawks.   
"I got drunk _one_ time, Mom."  
"This is the _second_ time you've snuck out to Sam's house house. And your father's told me that you've snuck out to see Jude before."  
"Just shut up!" He yells, hearing his ex's name bringing him over the edge.  
They pull up to the curb of Adam's house.  
"Just get in the house." She tries not to grumble, as Connor grabs his bag and phone, undoing his seatbelt.  
"Maybe I won't come back." He threatens. After a long, pregnant silence, he leaves the car.  
Jeanette drives away before he even makes it to the door.   
"Hey, bud!" Adam beams, after answering the door his son knocked on.  
"Hey." He forces a smile, trying not to think about what just happened.  
He walks inside, seeing Mandy sitting at the table when he walks into the kitchen.  
"Hey, Mandy!"   
" _Hiii...!"_ She excitedly greets, getting up and running over to him with open arms.  
He grunts, feeling her squeeze him so tight.  
"Oh, how are you?!" She practically yells, now shaking him back and forth.  
"How's your boyfriend?! How's your Mom?! Is she seeing anyone?!" She finally pulls away, rushing back to the table and sitting in her same seat.  
"Your father tells me you're still doing football. Tell us about that! And school!" She takes another sip of her coffee.  
"Um, actually, I think there's something we should tell you first, Connor." Adam walks farther into the room.   
"What is it...?" He doesn't know whether he should be worried.  
But by the grin on Mandy's face, he figures that he shouldn't be.  
"We're engaged." Adam reveals.  
"Oh...That's great...!" Connor's actually satisfied with one of his parents relationships.   
"You're sure? You're _sure_." Mandy wants to make sure.  
"I'm--sure..." Connor laughs slightly.   
"You're sure? Because I don't want you hate me. If you hated me, I would cry. We just need to get to know each other more! We can play board games!" She suggests with a smile.   
"I promise you, Mandy. I like you."  
'More than my own mother, right now.'   
"Oh, good! I can't wait for you to become my stepson. I've never had a child. I almost had one in college, but, that's another story for another time."  
The guys stare at her.  
"I'm just gonna unpack my things..."  
•••  
After he's unpacked in his old room, Connor and Adam sit in the bay window of his living room.  
"So how's your mother?"  
' _Bitchy_.'  
"Alright."  
"She seeing anyone?"  
"You're engaged; why do you care?" Connor teases him.  
" _I_ am just wondering." Adam solemnly defends.  
Connor scoffs. "She was seeing this guy named Dave. Went to her college."  
"Oh _yeah_! Dave Squires. We were good friends with him. Great guy."  
Connor tries not to fume.  
"Well, uh, his Mom died of a stroke so he wanted to take a break."  
"That's too bad. He's a good guy. I hope everything ends up okay for him."  
Connor doesn't dare say anything about Richard.  
"So, when are you gonna tell her Mandy is gonna be Miss Adam Stevens?"  
" _Soon_."  
Connor cackles. "Okay, Dad."  
"How's Sam?"  
"He's good."  
"That's great."  
"Yeah." Connor smirks with content.  
"You miss him already?"  
"Shut up." Connor laughs lightly, scratching the back of his chin. "Yes..." He admits.  
They snicker.  
"Uh, can I tell you something?" He asks, looking deep into his eyes.  
"Yeah." Adam knows it's serious.  
"Uhhhh...I got drunk last night..." Connor knows he's going to get a scolding equivalent to an ass beating.  
"Now why the hell would you wanna do that?" Adam crosses his arms.  
"I could _barely_ even stomach the drink, okay? I couldn't in the end. I puked. The hangover was _not_ worth it." Connor explains himself.  
"It better have not been. Just-- _please_ be careful, okay? You know what I went through. You shouldn't be drinking until your of age."  
"I know...Sam and I got in this big fight and I needed to blow some steam off. Things are fine, now."  
"What'd you fight about?"  
Connor recoils.   
"Uh...It was nothing..."  
"You said you guys made up. You can tell me." Adam encourages.  
"Okay, uh..." He looks his Dad right in the eyes again.  
"We _almost_ \--had sex." He starts off.  
"I think we should talk about a few things first before you start doing _that_."  
Connor scoffs, again. "What would _you_ know about gay sex?"   
"My college days were very experimental."  
Small snickers exchanged by them after a long moment of awkward silence, quickly turn into full blown laughter.  
•••  
Sam tries to keep one eye on the two ten-year olds and one four year-old in the living room watching a movie, while walking into the kitchen at the same time.   
"Sam! Come see this part!" Emily yells out to him.  
"Be right there...!" He yells back, opening the top dish cabinet, and taking out his Zoloft bottle. After taking the two more to join the five he already took this morning, he puts the cap back on the bottle and the bottle back in the cabinet.  
He almost screams, seeing Mindee standing there after closing the cabinet door.  
"What's with the pills, Sam?" She interrogates.  
"I mean, you only _did_ take five this morning."  
"The movie the kids are watching is very...Triggering for me..." He claims.  
"The Lego Movie?"  
"Yes..."  
She gives him a hard look.  
" _Sam_!" Maddie yells.  
"That's my cue. Gotta go." Taking that as his excuse to leave, Sam practically sprints out of there.   
Leaving Mindee to sigh.   
•••  
Mandy convinces Adam and Connor to tag along with her to go dress shopping at the mall.  
"Hey Mandy, uh, did my Dad ever get you a ring or anything?" Connor jabs at Adam, the three of them walking into the store department.   
Knowing what he's doing, Adam glances at him.  
" _No_ , Connor, he did _not_ , but that doesn't mean anything. Love is about commitment; _not_ materialism." She stops walking with them and grins at Adam, before looking bask at Connor.  
"That's cute; almost put me right to sleep." He jokes.   
Adam laughs.  
"Eh, I can always take mine back from Howard." Mandy plays along.  
"Howard?" Connor asks.  
"Ex husband."  
"You're divorced, Mandy?"  
"Yep. He's the guy I almost had a baby with in college. But again-different stories for different times."  
Connor and Adam mutually look at each other;  
shrugging their shoulders.   
•••  
Mandy seems to take forever, just to try on the first dress inside one of the dressing room's that Adam and Connor sit a few feet away from, on the black leather love seat.   
"Hey, uh, my Mom can probably lend you her old wedding dress if you don't wanna try on a million of them." Connor jokingly calls out. Adam cackles, and Mandy laughs obnoxiously from behind the curtain.  
"It's fine, sweetie. I'll be right out."  
Connor beams, seeing that Sam had texted him.  
 **How's San Diego?? Miss ya.  
It's good. It says hi. Miss you too.**  
"Um, I'm just gonna be outside the store real quick." Connor let's Adam know, while standing up.  
"Okay, yeah. Just don't go too far."  
Connor nods, before jogging out of the store and leaning against the left wall next to the doorway.  
 **What are you up to?** Sam texts him.  
 **Waiting for my future stepmom to finish trying on dresses. He smirks while sending the text.  
OH MY GOD THAT'S GREAT!!! TELL THEM CONGRATS AND THAT I'M SO HAPPPY FOR THEM!!! **  
Connor giggles at Sam's reaction.  
But after looking up and spotting one particular person across the room, his smile drops.   
"Holy _shit_."   
His first instinct is to take off running.  
"Connor...?" Adam asks, only hearing his sprinting footsteps.  
Mandy swings back the dressing room curtain, revealing her figure wearing the light purple dress, that's her first choice of wear.  
" _Ta-da!_ Where's Connor?"   
•••  
Connor, is taking off running down the huge maze that they call a mall, not having any clue where the hell which direction he's even going in. He's running faster than he has in any football game, or pacer test he's ever been in. His phone almost slips out of his hands.  
What stops his swift movement, is the about same sized person he bumps into.   
Slicked back brown hair. Dark brown eyes. Only an inch shorter than him. Probably his age. He almost even looks familiar. But he just can't figure out how.  
"I need to get out of here." He's desperate. "Can you help me get out of here? I need you to help me get out of here."  
"Uh, I-I'm kinda meeting up with someone but-"  
"Oh, sorry I'll just-"  
"Wait...How far away do you need to get?"  
"Just out of this area of the mall."  
"Okay. Uh, come on."  
Connor nods. "The faster the better."  
•••  
He waits for the mystery boy to come sit back down across from him at the food court. He returns, sliding the drink he holds, over to him.  
Before Connor can even say anything, the boy starts asking questions.  
"So, why were you in such a rush to get out of there?"  
Connor's cheeks unexpectedly flush. "Oh, uh, I saw my ex."  
" _Oh_. That sucks. Good thing I bought you a drink." He chuckles.  
Connor snickers. "You didn't have to, but, thanks." He takes a quick sip of the orange soda.  
"So, why are they your ex?"  
"Mm." Connor finishes taking another sip.   
"He dumped me over video chat. Tried doing long distance. I was wrecked."  
" _Yikes_. He sounds like a tool."  
Connor chuckles. "Yeah..."  
"My ex dumped me over the summer because he was into someone else. Thought we were better off as friends."  
Connor finds it interesting that they both happen to be gay.  
"But, you win. I'm sorry." He finishes.  
Connor chuckles again. "It's fine. I moved on. I'm happy."  
"Yeah, me too."  
Connor smiles. "Shouldn't you be getting to whoever you're meeting? I don't wanna hold you up." He feels bad, taking another sip of his drink.  
"Nah, it's fine. I can tell them to wait a few more minutes."  
Connor giggles. "Okay..."  
"I'm Noah. I never got your name."  
For a reason he can't put his finger on, Connor's first instinct is to lie.  
"Dan."  
"Nice to meet you. You from around here?"  
"Was. I'm visiting my Dad. Will be back in L.A by Monday."  
"That's sweet. Hey, uh, if you have any extra time on your hands either tonight or tomorrow, you can hang with me and a few other people if you want." Noah offers him his phone.  
"Oh, uh, sure! Why not."   
_'I don't want you leaving the house_.' He remembers his Mom's words.  
She'll never have to know.  
Connor puts his number in Noah's phone, and Noah does the same to his.  
"That your guy?" He asks, seeing Sam had texted: **the girls and Kade say to tell them congrats!**  
Connor chuckles, reading the text when the phone's returned in his hands.  
"Yeah. That's him. Sam."  
"Sounds cute."   
"He is." Connor laughs, flustered.  
"What's your new guy's name?" He decides to ask.  
"Connor! There you are!" Mandy and Adam come rushing up to their table, Mandy back in her original clothing.  
Their eyes go right to Noah.   
"Who's this?" Adam asks.  
"Uh...This is Noah. H-He went to school with me." He claims, giving him a hopeful look.   
"I ran up to him to say hey."  
"Yeah...Hi..." Noah goes along with it.  
"Hi!" Mandy smiles, abruptly shaking his hand. He can only chuckle.  
"Nice to meet you." Adam says.   
"You too. Uh, I should go." Noah stands up.  
"Yeah. See ya." Connor waves.  
"See ya Dan!" Noah yells, jogging away from them.  
"'Dan'?" Adam asks.   
"You two sure seem like old friends catching up." Mandy comments sarcastically.  
"It's an inside joke..." Connor fibs.   
•••  
Sam's nightmare isn't about anything to with what happened with his Mom.  
It's about what happened last night, with Colin.  
He wakes up in tears, sweating atrociously with  breathless pants and shaking limbs.  
He hasn't told a soul about what happened. Not even Connor. And he plans to keep his mouth shut.  
Heading from his room and into the empty kitchen, he takes out the Zoloft bottle out of the same cabinet.  
He simply takes one.  
Throughout the day, when things still seem to start becoming a little too much, he takes another.  
And another.  
And another, and another, and just one more.  
•••  
When Sam's not texting him back, Connor figures being cooped up in this house if he's not going talk to him, isn't how he wants to spend his Saturday night.   
"Dad?" He approaches Adam sitting at the kitchen table.  
"Yeah?"  
"Can I hang out with that friend from the mall?"  
"You mean the guy who thinks your name is Dan?"  
"That's an inside joke..." He repeats.  
Adam sighs. "Connor, how do you know him?"  
He uncomfortably breaks eye contact for a quick second.  
"I bumped into him, and we started talking, okay?"  
"Why did you take off in the first place?"  
Connor gulps. "I saw Jude..."  
Adam's face softens. "Understandable..."  
Connor chortles. "So can I go? Please? I have his phone number. He can give me his address, or he can even come over here, if you want."  
Adam exhales. "It's fine. Go. Tell me if you need me to drive you."  
Connor smiles, taking out his phone and requesting Noah's address from him.  
•••  
"I can walk!" He announces a few minutes later while putting on his shoes, near the doorway of the guest room.  
"Okay. Ya sure?" Adam asks as he walks past him.  
"Yeah. I'll text you when I'm there. Love you."  
Adam hopes Connor knows enough to be careful, after witnessing him leave the home.  
•••  
"Hey." Noah greets Connor with a smile, after opening his front door to him in sight.  
"Hey." Connor flashes a smile back, holding tight onto his phone.   
"Come in. It's just us. Another guy and two girls. My parents aren't here."  
"Okay, cool." Connor shrugs.  
While walking upstairs with him, he's happy to see that Sam finally got around to texting him back.  
About to eat dinner, what are you up to?  
Noah opens the door to what Connor can only guess is his room.  
He almost collapses right onto the floor, when he sees Jude Adams-Foster in the flesh, almost ten feet away from him across the room.  
Everything blurs. There's buzzing in his ears. He can't feel if he's shaking, or not.  
All they can do is astoundingly lock eyes with each other.   
The only noise that can be heard is muddled talking and moving around from the connected bathroom.   
"Oh my _God_..." Connor finally speaks.  
"Do you two know each other...?" Noah's confused.  
"No..." They lie in sync, unable to look away from each other. They don't even blink.  
Their attention is brought to the two girls that exit the bathroom, in the middle of a mutual conversation.  
Those two girls that happen to be Daria and Taylor.  
"Holy _shit_!" Taylor screams, the two of them seeing Connor at once.  
Tears burn his eyes. He feels as if the walls are closing in on him, everyone's eyes staring at him.  
"This is Dan." Noah introduces.  
"' _Dan_ '?" Jude asks, glaring right into Connor's eyes.  
Not knowing what else to do, or where else he could possibly go, he sprints out into the hallway and locks himself in the bathroom.  
He scowls at his reflection in the mirror, tears falling out of his eyes and down his face. His phone is slammed down onto the sink.  
He cries into his hands, not knowing how he could have been so blind. Clueless. How could he have _not_ put the pieces together?  
"Go away!" He yells in response to the knock on the door.  
"It's me." Speaks Noah.  
After thinking about it for a few seconds, Connor unlocks and opens door in front of him.  
"Hey..." Noah greets, being let inside.  
Connor re-closes the door.  
"He's your ex..." He realizes.  
"And he's the new guy you're seeing..."  
It's quiet.  
"Yeah..." They finish together.   
Connor is too embarrassed to even look at him.  
"I am _so_ stupid." He resumes crying.   
"I can't believe I didn't put two and two together. You looked so _familiar_." He remembers that he's the guy in Jude's Facebook profile picture.  
"My name isn't Dan. It's Connor..." He tells him the truth.  
"You looked familiar too. I've _defiantly_ seen you before. Jude was stalking your Facebook."  
"He was?" Connor squeaks, not knowing whether to feel creeped out, or proud.  
"Yeah. You were at the beach. With your arm around that guy. Is that, uh, your new-"  
"Boyfriend. Yeah. Sammy..." Connor wipes his tears.  
"Well after Jude saw that he got all jealous. He made Taylor take a picture of us to make it look like we were together. Changed his status. Asked me out."  
"Really...?" Connor can't believe that he's the cause of them getting together.  
"Yeah. He told me about you. Changed up the story. Made it sound like because you were moving that you dumped him before you left."  
" _What_...?" Connor's face heats up,  
"Yeah...But, what you told me makes _way_ more sense."  
" _How_?"  
"Because; he bashes you all the time. Making it look like you _really_ fucked him over."  
Connor's too appalled to speak.  
"He _wants_ to be the victim. But you, you don't."  
Connor sniffles, slicking back his hair.  
"Ugh-I'm so _humiliated_."  
"I'm sorry, Connor."  
"It's fine...You can't help that you like him. Hell, a year ago I would've done anything for him...Would you do anything for him?"  
Noah doesn't answer.   
"Want me to walk you home?"  
•••  
Slowly and uncomfortably, Connor and Noah return into their room to Taylor, Daria and Jude.  
"Um...I'm gonna walk him home..." Noah announces, while Connor refuses eye contact with everyone.  
"You're gonna walk _that_ asshole home?" Jude comments.  
Connor's ears turn red. ' _Whatever you do don't look at him.'_  
Noah frowns at him. "Yeah. I am."  
Finally, they leave.  
•••  
"Connor!" Taylor calls out, running up to him and Noah at the front door, downstairs.  
"Yeah...?" He nervously turns in her direction.  
She hugs him.  
"It's nice to see you again."  
He smiles, gently returning the gesture.  
"You too, Taylor."   
After she's gone, Connor takes out his phone.  
 **You won't believe the night I just had.** He texts to Sam.   
"You ready?" Noah asks.  
"Yeah." Connor looks at him. "Thanks, again."  
•••  
At the Montgomery's, Erin joins them for dinner. Sitting as far away from Dylan as possible.   
"I still haven't heard from Sierra." Dylan vents. Erin tenses up at what he says, while staring down at the food on her plate that she doesn't want to eat; with her non-crooked backup pair of glasses.  
Sam too sweaty and nauseous to focus, at a loss of appetite, stares into space with his fork in his hand. His vision shifts around, heartbeat picking up faster, than dropping down within each second.  
"Has she said anything to you?" Dylan asks Sierra.  
"Uh, what no..." If she has to eat just to not talk, she can always spit the food out.  
"You not hungry, Erin?" Ken asks her, wanting to avoid the topic of Sierra.  
"Uh, no...You guys can just have these as leftovers."  
Knowing why she's refusing to eat, Dylan squints at her.  
" _What_...?" She knows he's onto her.  
"Nothing..."  
"Sammy, you alright...?" Ken notices his pale, sweaty skin, and exhausted eyes.  
"I think I need to lay down..." He admits, putting down his fork and standing up.  
Not only does he vomit everywhere on the floor, but his knees buckle from under him, having him faint onto the floor into unconsciousness.   
"Oh my _God_!"  
•••  
They laugh and start conversations with each other, on the walk back to Adam's.  
"I should've gone into detail about who I was hanging with. I'm sorry." Noah apologizes to him.  
"Oh, no...It's fine. It would've been pretty awkward if I found out then and there." Connor chuckles at the thought.  
Noah laughs.   
"Yeah. Um don't feel bad for venting about him. We're not that serious."  
"Really?" Connor asks, just a few houses down from where he needs to be.  
"Nah. I'm pretty sure he only sees me just to get high."  
Connor suddenly remembers the video he and Sam saw on snapchat.  
"I could use a joint right now, after what just happened." He comments.   
Noah laughs in amusement.  
"I can't _believe_ you got him to smoke weed. I couldn't even send him a dick pic without getting dumped."  
They laugh.  
"Yeah, he's not really into this stuff. We just make out a lot."  
"Thanks, I appreciate the details."  
Their laughter resumes. "What's the dirtiest thing you and 'Sam' have done? Unless you lied about his name, too." He teases.  
Connor snickers, cheeks flushing.  
"He went down on me one time."  
"He good?" The two stop at the end of Adam's driveway.   
"I was so loud that he'll _never_ let me live it down."   
Noah cackles. "Nice. Maybe you should let him blow me, since Jude's never going to."  
Connor guffaws, just before his phone rings.  
"Oh, it's him, should I ask now?" He jokes, seeing the caller I.D.  
Noah chortles. "Oh, Sam! Oh _Sam_!" He starts teasing him in a high pitched voice, making Connor playfully shove him with a laugh.  
He grins, seeing him pick up the phone.  
"Hey." Connor's all smiles, expecting to hear Sam's voice.  
Instead, the person who speaks is Dylan.   
"Sam's in the hospital..."


	39. Final Salute:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor opens up to Mandy. Meanwhile at the hospital, shit happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy, and if you do, please leave a kudos or a comment :)

Chapter Thirty Nine: Final Salute:  
He had told Adam that finding out Sam's in the hospital was the reason he went home so suddenly in the first place.   
Nothing about Jude, or actually finding out about Sam in the driveway after Noah had walked him home.  
Now he cries in his bed, shaking and panting. Hugging his knees with one arm, he grabs his phone that sits dropped on the other side of the bed.  
Jeanette is who he calls.  
"Connor?" She answers.  
" _Mom_..." He lets out, sitting up on the edge of the bed.  
"What's wrong? What happened?"  
"Sam's in-in the hospital. He collapsed out of nowhere and Dylan told me that they think he took too many p-pills..." The words are practically chocked out.  
" _What_? Pills-"  
" _Please_ go check on him." He gives her the name of the hospital.  
"It's not too far. Please Mom. I just need to know he's alright. I, I..." He trails off in a need of breath.  
"Connor, I know you're hurting, but...He's going to be fine."  
"You don't _know_ that!"  
"His stomach is getting pumped. The pills won't be in his system anymore."  
"I just _want you to let him know that-_ " He wants to get through to her. But he knows that he can't.  
"I know, honey. I know. But you can call Dylan and talk to him."  
"But I-"  
" _Enough_ , Connor. He's going to be _fine_. You'll talk to him soon. You're _overreacting_."  
He can't believe this is happening. While he knows their relationship isn't the best right know, she would never say something like that to him. Not in this kind of situation.  
"Connor..." She's aware of the silence.  
"Maybe I could-"  
" _No._ Don't even bother. Quit acting like you _care_."  
Her stomach drops, hearing him hang up.  
She realizes how much this means, and how important this is to him.   
It's what's best to do, no matter how much Connor resents her right now.   
"Richard! We need to go!"  
 _That_ , is something that Connor doesn't know about.  
•••  
Connor didn't hear Mandy arrive.  
So he's pretty surprised to see her walk into his room with a mug of hot chocolate, when he assumed that the knock was from his Dad.  
"Mandy...?" He sniffles and wipes a tear, sitting on the edge of his bed.  
"Your Dad called me and told me what happened." She walks inside, and stands above him.   
"I thought you could use some of this." The handle is put in his hand.  
"Thanks..." He looks down at the light brown liquid inside.  
"It's warm." Her words lead him to take a sip.  
The warmth in his stomach slightly calms him down.   
"Thank you."   
"Of course." She sits down next to him.  
"So, this overdose didn't happen all at once?" She tries to understand.  
"No...I-I _knew_ he was taking a few more pills than prescribed, but...I had _no_ idea it had gotten so out of hand. I feel like I should've _noticed_ something. When he said he needed a refill I should've _knew_ -"  
" _Connor_. It's not your fault. His family must feel the same way. Your father told me his Mom died because she was an addict. Right?"  
"Yeah..."  
"So that's probably where it came from. The more pills he took, the more normal he felt. The more comfortable. He wasn't aware of how much was too much." She puts her hand on his shoulder.  
"But, what, is he like--a _pill_ addict now?" He fears the worst.  
"He has a problem. That's obvious. But hopefully this'll make him realize. Did the increase in pills make him act any different in a bad way?"  
"Not really. At one point he experienced side effects. Only physical ones."  
She nods. "It's better than him acting out violently, or growing depressed."   
He nods with another sniffle. "He's never gonna let himself live with this. He's gonna feel awful; claiming he's just like his mother. Constantly apologizing.   
Every time there's an incident he thinks he's ruined everything for everyone forever. But...It's not his fault. I wish he knew that..."  
While taking another sip, tears fall into his drink.  
"Maybe he should see a therapist. So he can express his feelings. You're right. He _shouldn't_ be thinking like that. Always blaming yourself isn't good. Especially when you did nothing wrong."  
Connor gulps down another sip.  
"And--it's not like he was depressed, ya know? I mean, he wanted to up his dose a bit 'cause he thought it would help him.   
And that's fine. Sometimes people need to do that and I get it. No matter how long you've been taking them. But he was scared of asking for help. That's what he told me. He just...Got used to feeling." He tries explaining his thoughts the best he can.  
"Sam didn't mean to overdose. I _know_ he didn't. If he was having those thoughts, he would've told me..." Tears resume in his eyes just at the notion.  
"I-I tried telling my Mom to go check on him at the hospital. Sh-she told me I was overreacting." Saying the words out loud hurts him.  
"She _said_ that?"  
"Things...Between us aren't going well. I got drunk last night and I know not to do it again, but she won't let me _live it down._ She's acting like I've turned into some _bad kid._ "  
Mandy sighs.  
"You are _not_ a bad kid. We all make mistakes, Connor. When I was _younger_ than you, I did pretty wicked stuff. But I've changed. And one mistake doesn't define who you are, or who you'll be for the time being."  
"Thank you..." Hearing that she understands is like finding the light at the end of the tunnel.  
"Plus..." He can't not open up about this, anymore. "I can't _stand_ the guy that she's seeing."  
"She's seeing someone?"  
" _Yes_. Some _douchebag ex_ that _hates_ me."  
"'Hates you'?"   
"He hates that I'm gay. He's called me a fag to my face before."  
" _Why_ haven't you _told_ her this?!" Her face grows red with anger.  
"I've _tried_! I _told_ her time and time again that I don't like him."  
"So _tell her the specifics, Connor._ _Tell_ her he's homophobic."  
"I can't..." He squeaks out.  
" _Why not?"_  
"Because...He told me that if I do then he'll hit her."  
"Connor, _look me in the eyes_ and tell me that he has never laid a _hand_ on you."  
Not only does he not look directly into her eyes, but he doesn't look at her at all.  
"Connor this _needs_ -"  
"Don't do anything, okay?!" He shrieks, looking back at her in a frenzy. Liquid flies out of the cup, landing on the floor.  
"It was a _few_ times. He won't do _anything_ if I show respect. He _knows_ what he's doing, and he knows how to get to me."   
"Connor I don't care how you interpret it-"  
"It's _rare_. _Fuck_ yes he scares me but he treats my mother right. He _doesn't_ hit me if I show no fear. He'd only touch my mother if _anyone_ told her. So _don't_. _Tell_!"  
The room goes quiet. Various moments pass by of him just staring at her with a pleading look on his face.  
"Okay..." She whispers, now crying herself.  
"I won't...But if anything _ever_ gets more out of hand-"   
"I promise. I _promise_. If things get too much...I'll save myself."  
"You're not always the one that has to do the saving, Connor."  
Setting the cup down beside him, he cries into her arms.   
•••  
Erin and Dylan say nothing, while sitting next to each other in the partially empty waiting room. Her arms are crossed.   
"What?" She retorts, noticing that he's gazing at her.   
"Nothing..." He looks away.  
"You talk to Connor?"  
"Yeah. He's not doing well about it."  
"Would've thought." She mutters.  
Silence between them resumes.   
Ken walks inside, back from Sam's room.   
The two sit up.   
"Where is he?" Dylan questions.   
"His stomach's been pumped while still unconscious. He's sleeping in his bed now. We're just waiting for him to wake up."  
Erin exhales of relief.   
"H-how long should it be...?" Dylan's glad, but still nervous of what's to come.  
"Don't know." His father sits down beside him.   
"Do you want one us to take you home?" He offers her.   
"No. I wanna be here until he wakes up."  
"It could be a while. You sure?" Dylan adds on.  
"Yes..." She holds back her tears.  
"If you'll excuse me I'll be in the bathroom..." She whispers, before slowly taking off.  
Dylan knows he needs to update Connor.  
 **Sam's stomach's been pumped. Still at the hospital with Erin. He's sleeping right now. Should be up soon.**  
He texts Connor from his own phone.  
Setting it down in his lap, he exhales.  
"So, what do we do after this...?" He questions Ken quietly.   
"It's not like he actually overdosed all at once, wanting to kill himself." He adds.  
In thought, Ken doesn't look at him.  
"Maybe we should switch him to a new medication..." He considers numbly.  
"But wouldn't that just be repeating the cycle? He likes the feeling the pills give him." Dylan tries finding flaws in the plan.  
"The _Zoloft_ pills. Maybe if he's on a different set of pills he won't get..."  
"Addicted?"   
"Don't say that." Ken's now glaring at him.   
"I mean, it's kinda true...I'm not saying he's a full blown addict, but...He _does_ have a problem."  
Eye contact between them is broken, again.  
Connor texts back.  
 **Oh my god thank you so much for updating me. I appreciate it so much. Please tell me when he's awake and that he can talk to me if he's up for it.**  
Dylan warmly smiles at his response.   
"No matter what happens," he says to Ken.  
"We'll all be there to help him. No matter what."  
 **No problem kiddo. You should be sleeping too. Get some rest.** He responds to him, locking the phone and looking out for Erin to come walking back.  
"What is it?"  
"Looking for Erin..."  
"She'll be back any second..."  
A pit forms in his stomach; not having a good feeling about what's going on in there.  
"Be right back..." He mutters, standing up and leaving his phone.  
Ken can't stop him.  
•••  
He wishes he could say he's surprised. When she looks up from the toilet she had shamefully threw up in, her teary eyes reveal remorse.  
"Erin..." He whispers, closing the door and kneeling down next to her.  
"It's what I do when I'm stressed, okay?! Don't yell at me." She cries in distress.  
He brings her in for a tight hug, feeling the warmth of her body, that lets out tears and sobs into his shoulder.  
Shushing her quietly, he whispers, "It's okay...You're gonna be okay. Sammy's gonna wake up, Connor'll be back tomorrow...Things are gonna be fine."  
Releasing herself from him, she stares into his eyes, glasses smudged and foggy.  
"Why are things so fucked up, Dylan..."  
If only he had the answer.  
•••  
When it's announced that Sam has finally about thirty minutes later, the three of them practically trip themselves while crowding into the room.  
Ken hugs him first. Dylan second, and Erin last.  
"I...I'm not--suicidal." Sam wants to clarify that first, a tear rolling down his left cheek.  
"We know, Sammy..." Dylan touches his shoulder.  
"I just felt like the more pills I took the better I would feel. Maybe it lasted for a little while, but..."   
He breaks down crying. Ken instinctively hugs him for a second time.  
"We're gonna help you, Sammy."  
"I don't wanna be like Mom..." He expresses tiredly.  
"At least you're aware that you have a problem with it. That's something Mom would've _never_  done..." Dylan points out.  
"You're already better than she ever tried to be." He adds.  
With a shrug, Sam wipes his tears.   
"I-I guess..." Ken gently lets go of him.  
"But I'm still a freakin' junkie."  
"Do _not_ call yourself that." Erin instructs.  
"Don't worry about me...Lapping onto other stuff, okay? I won't drink. Do drugs. I can't even get away with pill dieting without almost _killing_ myself."   
After what just happened, and what he just put everyone else through, he refuses to make the situation worse than it already is.   
"Eh, we know you're too much of a pussy to do more than pills." Dylan smirks.  
His eyes light up, seeing Sam smile at him.  
The smile drops, when the thought slowly drifts into his head.  
"Does Connor know...?"  
•••  
Mandy asks his name, bringing him away from his train of thought.   
"Yeah...?" His hand squeezes the handle of his mug that's now empty. He sets it on the nearest table he can reach over to.   
The room is now dark.  
"You should get some sleep. You can't keep waiting for him to wake up like this. He'll contact you when it's time."  
"But...What if he doesn't want to talk to me-?"  
"Connor." She interrupts his worrying.  
" _Sleep. Now._ "  
Her freshness make him sigh. "Alright, alright..." He takes one last look at his no-notification phone, before setting it next to the empty mug.   
Mandy takes the dish for him.   
She walks over to his door, just when he calls out her name.  
"Yeah?" She looks over at him.  
"Uh, thanks...For making me feel better. I really appreciate it. A lot."  
"Of course, sweetie."  
"Are you going back to your house?"  
"I figured I might as well stay here tonight."  
"Good. I, uh, like having you guys here with me."   
She flashes a smile.  
"You know, Connor..." She walks back over to his bed. "If things back in L.A get too much with your Mom, and that guy...You can always stay with us."  
"What?" He's blindsided by her offer.  
"I'm not putting any pressure on you. I'm just saying your Dad would love to have you again anytime. And so I would I."  
Pressing his lips together, flattered tears have to be forcefully held back.  
"Thanks, Mandy. But...I don't think I could leave Sam or Erin..." He's scared of history repeating itself.  
"You don't think you and Sam would be able to work it out?"  
In his throat, a lump appears.  
"I, uh-"  
"Connor. I heard about what happened with your last boyfriend. That was _not_ your fault. You and Sam seem _so_ committed to each other. You guys wouldn't let something silly like long distance get in the way."  
He knows she's right.  
"I just wouldn't want him to forget about me..."  
Right after those words are said, his phone becomes flooded with texts from the one and only.  
 **Dylan told me he told u and I'm so fucking sorry I didn't think it would get this bad.  
I love you so much and would never mean to hurt you Connor.  
You're probably asleep right now but I love u so damn much and I'll see u tomorrow.   
I'll get better for me. Because I know u would want me to get better for myself and not just everyone else.   
Fuck I love you. Plz know that. **  
Tears drop down onto the bright screen, while reading each word.   
"Well he doesn't seem to be forgetting about you now." Mandy smirks.  
Figuring out what to say back with eyes still on the screen, Connor laughs.  
"Goodnight, Connor." She says with a ruffle to his hair, though she knows he'll be up all night texting him.  
•••  
Erin stays with Sam, smiling as she watches him fascinatingly text Connor with lit eyes and a smile on his face.  
"C'mere." He tells her after putting his phone down next to him.  
They hug again.  
"I was so scared we were gonna lose you." She confesses quietly, prior to the hug ending various seconds later.  
"Well, I'm still here." He laughs stiffly, watching her sit down on his side of the bed.  
"What's Connor saying?"  
His cheeks flush. "That he loves me...And that he'll help me with this no matter what."   
Erin smiles in response.   
"He will. And so will I."   
He smiles as she touches the back of his hand.  
"Do you think they'll keep me over night?"  
"Maybe. Do you wanna stay?"  
"No. I wanna go home with you guys."  
She smiles again, while his phone vibrates with an incoming of new texts.  
"Um..." He looks away with insecurity, figuring it's time that someone knows.  
"What's wrong?" She notices.  
He looks in her eyes, again.  
"Something happened at the party, Erin..."  
Her heart falls.  
•••  
"Jeanette?" Dylan asks, surprised to see her when she fiercely walks inside the waiting room. He puts down his magazine.  
She's not alone.  
"Connor called me and told me what happened. I wanted to check on him." She informs, walking over to him and Ken, who sits in the chair beside his.  
"That's very thoughtful of you. Thank you." He's pleased, standing up and giving her a quick hug.  
"Who's this?" Dylan points to Richard, who's silently standing near them.  
Ken notices him as well.  
"This is my boyfriend Richard."  
Trying not to show much surprise, Ken and Dylan both greet him.   
Richard shakes both their hands.  
"So, is Sam alright?" Jeanette asks.   
"Yeah. He and Erin are in his room talking. He's texting Connor, too." Says Ken.  
"Uh, does Connor know you're seeing him? He hasn't said anything about it to us." Dylan's curious.  
"Oh, yes. We recently got back together. He probably doesn't see the big deal in telling."  
"Oh..."   
"Is it alright if I see Sam?"  
"Oh, yeah." Ken gives her directions to his room.  
Him and Dylan aren't sure how they feel, when Richard follows her.  
•••  
"Why didn't you _tell_ me that Colin tried doing that?!" She yells in shock, a new set of tears stuck to her face.  
"I got _away_ , alright?! He was _wasted_. I doubt he'll even remember." He strongly defends.  
"Well what if he _does_ remember and _tries something_ again?!" Her voice is raised.  
Jeanette's knock on the door has them both sigh.  
"Come in..." Sam allows.   
They have mixed mental reactions, when seeing Jeanette in the door way.  
"Hi..." Sam greets shyly, yet also amused.  
"Aw, Sammy. Connor told me what happened." She runs over and hugs him.  
While hugging her back, Sam sees someone who he'd hope to never see again, standing the doorway.  
And he's not the only one.  
Erin almost throws up again, and this time not because she wants to.  
"Richard, what are you doing here...?" She can barely get the words out.  
"We're back in each other's lives again." Jeanette reveals, after breaking the hug with Sam.  
"Oh..." Both teens are quiet and nauseous.  
"Does Connor know?" Erin finds the will to speak again.  
"Yes. He found out last night."  
The blood from Sam's face drains away.  
"Erin, Richard, can you let me speak to Sam alone for a second?" She turns her focus on him, again.  
Both he and Erin get a bad taste in their mouths. Sam knows he doesn't have a choice.  
"Okay..." Erin answers unsurely.  
She steps out of the room, hesitantly closing the door behind her.  
Not wanting to even look at him, or know what he's doing back, she starts to bolt away away from Richard and back to Dylan and Ken in the waiting room, as fast as possible.  
"Erin." He stops her.  
"What..." Goosebumps appear on her skin, and chills on her spine, as she stops and turns around.  
"Why so spooked?"  
"I'm _not_ letting you play games this time." She snaps.  
"If you lay a _hand_ on Connor...It'll be the end of you. And we'll make sure of that."   
He almost laughs out loud, watching her walk away.  
•••  
"Is there a problem...?" Sam asks Jeanette, back in his closed room.  
"Unfortunately there is..." She now stands facing him, before the edge of his bed.  
His forehead crinkles.  
"I don't want you getting my son into any of this nonsense you're into."  
"Miss Stevens, I know you're concerned, but this is _my_ problem. I would _never_ drag him into it..." He wants her to know that.  
"I _promise_ you this is going to stop. Once and for all. You have nothing to worry about." He finishes.  
"I see, but, it's under my knowledge that you convinced him to go to a party on Friday night. Where he got drunk."  
"Neither of us were expecting him to...And it was only because we had previously argued."  
"And why is that?" She grills.  
' _Because I wanted to have unprotected sex with him.'_  
"Uh-uh it was just a little debate--"  
"He snuck over to your house, the next morning."  
"I was _not_ expecting him to show up. That I can promise you."  
"Well you were still enough of a promise for him to go _through_ with it."  
"So you're mad at me because he wanted to see me...?" He doesn't understand.  
"I'm _mad_ because you're a very negative effect in my son's life."  
" _What_?" His face is drained, again.  
"I don't want you seeing him, anymore. I'm sorry, Sam. But it's just what's right."  
He glimmers at her hypocrisy.  
"Okay, well how about this? You expect us to listen to you when you don't want _us_ seeing each other, but after he's told you _time and time again,_ that he doesn't want you with Richard, you get back _together with him?_!" He calls her out.  
"Richard and I are adults."  
"Yeah well you're sure as hell not _acting_ like one." He knows he's not helping his case, but also knows she needs to be called out on her wrongs.  
"I just want the best for my son. _You_ are not what's best."  
"Maybe _you're_ not what's best for him right now, Jeanette!"  
The silence that his words cause is shrill.  
Scowls are delivered.   
"The only reason I came here was for Connor. Not because I wanted to, and most _defiantly_ not for you."  
Once the door behind her is closed-or more appropriately slammed-he snatches his phone.  
 **Your Mom showed up. She's not alone. Why didn't you tell me that Richard was back?!**  
Send.  
•••  
Ken stands up, right when Jeanette reenters the waiting room. Erin anxiously sits next to Dylan, gazing down at her shuffling her feet on the floor.   
"What did you want to talk to Sam about?" He wonders.  
"Just how I don't want his decisions having a negative affect on Connor."  
Dylan suspiciously sits up in his chair. Erin stops moving entirely.  
"I can assure you that Sam would never mean to suck Connor into this situation." Ken approaches her professionally.  
"He's hurting him with these decisions he's making."   
"He's hurting _all_ of us! It's not like he's doing it on _purpose_! What's your _point_?" Dylan yells.  
Richard casually walks up next to her, aware of the tension.  
"What's the problem?" He asks.  
"Your _girlfriend_ thinks Sam's a 'bad influence' on Connor just because he has a problem." Dylan summarizes.  
" _Don't twist my words."_ She snaps.   
"That's pretty much what you're _saying_!" Erin yells.   
Ken says nothing, wanting Erin and Dylan to do the same.  
"He's just causing _more_ negativity in Connor's life." She tries to clarify,  
"So are you!" Erin finally stands up.  
"Do you _agree_ with this shit that she's saying?!" Dylan looks at Richard.  
"Not exactly..." He pretends to be conflicted.   
"Sam can't _help it_ that he's going through the issues he's going through right now." Ken's tone is tight.  
"He _chose_ to take those pills. He's being selfish by not thinking of how this is affecting the ones around him."  
"This was his _wake up call!_ " Erin screams.  
"He's _too! Broken!_ " Jeanette claims.  
"Do _not_ call my son broken!" Ken orders, Dylan's eyes tearing up in response to her words.  
Erin's mouth turns dry.   
"That's it. We're leaving." Jeanette makes up her mind, taking Richard's wrist.  
"Connor _would never agree with the bullshit you're saying! He loves Sammy too much!"_ Dylan screams out to the both of them, while they're exiting the building.  
Sensing that they're officially gone, he breaks down into tears.  
Each one of his problems stack up on top of each other.  
"Dylan..." Ken tries to stop him from storming out of the wing of the building.   
He ignores him, almost forgetting to grab his phone before disappearing.  
•••  
Connor answers Sam's question with the simple truth: Because he was scared. He didn't want him worrying, nor did he think that Richard would be tagging along with her to the hospital.  
 **Connor, if the abuse starts up again PROMISE me you'll TELL. YOUR. MOTHER. I don't care what he fucking says he'll do if you tell. TELL. HER.**  
His fingers jam down with each key that presses, blood boiling with anger and fear.  
 **I promise.**  
Two words aren't good enough.  
 **Swear on my mother's grave. He sends.  
I PROMISE YOU that I swear on your mother's grave.**  
Sam exhales.  
 **You fucking better.**  
Ken knocks on the door, before entering.  
"Hey..." He's gentle. "What did Jeanette tell you?" He walks beside his side of the bed.  
Sam's lip quivers, his eyes looking down at the blanket over his body.   
Too busy talking about Richard, he hasn't even told Connor about what she said.  
"You don't have to say it. She already told me a bunch of crap when she walked back into the room."  
Sam sighs dramatically.   
"She has _no_ idea what the hell she's talking about, Sammy. Why would she say something like that?"  
"It's that _fucking guy she's seeing again_!" He rants, throwing down his phone.  
"Is this the same guy she was seeing over the summer that Connor didn't like?"  
His stomach drops. "Yeah...That's him."  
"Well why doesn't she just _listen_ to him?"  
"I don't know, okay?!" He's distressed.  
Ken sighs, this time.  
"I talked to your nurses. They say you don't have to stay overnight, but that they recommend therapy."  
"Okay." Sam mutters, too focused on Connor's new text to him.  
"You wanna go in the morning? Or go now?"  
"Now." He continues to look at his phone.  
"Alright." Ken kisses the top of his head, returning back to the open doorway.  
"Dad?" He sends his text and looks up at him.  
"Yeah bud?" His body turns in his direction.  
Sam's heart is currently inside his knot filled, churning stomach.  
"I'm not always a boy..."  
•••  
Now standing on the hospital's balcony and staring at his view of back parking lot, Dylan finally musters the courage to call Sierra.  
Straight to voicemail.  
But that doesn't stop him from saying what he needs to say.  
"Hey, Sierra. It's me. Unless you fucking forgot, or something. Uh..." He nervously scratches his chin, turning his body.  
"If you're not talking to me just because I wouldn't talk to you, then that's a _dick_ move. But..." His voice, like expected to, breaks.  
"Things are just _really_ fucked up right now. Sammy's in the hospital. Connor's Mom is just..." He trails off, clenching his jaw at the replay of words in her words in his head.  
"And I don't know if you even _care_ , anymore, but..." He's crying now.  
Erin enters, holding a warm plastic cup of coffee.  
"Just thought I should let you know..." He finishes, finally hanging up and wiping his tears.  
"I got you a coffee..." She steadily announces.   
Gasping, he jumps and scowls over at her.  
"Hey..." The sight of her calms him. His muscles relax.  
"Thank you..."  
She walks over and hands it to him.  
"Who was that?" She asks, though she has an idea.  
"Sierra. Still not fucking talking to me." He comments bitterly.  
Her pupils shrink, cheeks growing red and heart picking up its pace.  
"I think I might know the reason...For that..." She starts.  
His eyes flicker with desperation.  
"Why? She tell you something?" He's half angry, half curious.  
"I slept with her..."   
The words are left hanging in the cool night air.  
Everything goes on pause, for him. She watches him practically go into shock, body frozen and eyes staring into nothing.  
His senses come back to him in a jolt.  
The coffee is dropped onto the ground. His phone follows, landing in the pouring liquid that now leaks onto the cement below them.  
•••  
August 28th:  
Around ten a.m., Connor texts Sam a good morning while sitting at the kitchen table next to Mandy, who drinks her coffee.  
Adam is in the middle off cooking scrambled eggs for the three of them, at the stove.   
"So Sam's home?" He asks him, eyes on the steaming eggs inside the frying pan.  
"Yeah..." Connor smiles at the thought, eyes on his phone.  
Speaking of home, Adam will be driving him back there, in just a matter of hours.   
His mother may not make it feel like home, but Sam sure as hell does.  
"That's good." Mandy takes another sip of her drink.   
"How are they doing with the problem?" She asks.  
"He says his Dad's in charge of his meds now; only giving him his prescribed daily dose and hiding the rest in between." Connor explains, putting down his phone on the table.  
"Oh, Adam I forgot I parked behind you. Lemme back out real quick." Mandy finishes her coffee and stands up, pushing in her chair.  
Unable to find her keys on the usual hook she hangs them on, she begins searching through random drawers.  
Inside one of them, Connor notices something that looks scarily familiar.  
"Wait. What is that?" He walks over to the drawer and points over to it.   
"What? That?" Mandy points to the device.  
"Yeah..."   
But Connor doesn't know why he asked that question, because he knows _exactly_ what it is.  
Adam turns around in their direction, eyes setting on the item.  
"How did that get here...?" Connor hesitantly wonders.  
Almost as hesitant as Adam is, when having to give the explanation.  
"Callie came over and dropped it off. Said that Jude wanted her to throw it out...I didn't want to tell you, Connor..."  
The PSP.  
He glares down at it, practically seeing the memories they had together in the reflection.  
"Do you want your eggs?" Adam desperately wants to change the subject.  
"When I get back."  
"What do you mean 'when you get back'?" Mandy asks, watching Connor take the device out of the drawer.  
"I gotta take care of something real quick."  
•••  
He could just simply bang on the door, tell Jude a simple 'fuck you' and throw the game back in his arms with a door slam to his face.  
But he has something much more revengeful, in mind.  
Barefoot and red faced, Connor walks down Jude's street, with the PSP held tight in his right hand.  
He walks up before the empty driveway consisted house.   
Remembering exactly where Jude's room is, he glares up at the glass window, able to see his bed and other remains of the room.   
The room that they had shared their second kiss in.   
The room that Jude had Skype called him in, and dumped him from the inside.  
The room where things not only started, but ended, too.  
But know he's going to really end it.  
He glares up at the glass window, that just happens to have no screen to protect it.  
With no regrets, no remorse, no guilt and nothing but pride, he chucks the game device in the straight direction of the window, hitting the perfect angle.  
It crashes through, leaving a gaping hole through the glass.  
Connor smirks, hearing the game land on the floor.  
When turned around, he throws his middle finger in the air as one last gesture.  
He walks away with content.


	40. Running Away (From Your Problems)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor sees Sam after his return. Dylan confronts Sierra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely reads and kudos! Let me know if you liked :)

Chapter Forty: Running Away (From Your Problems):  
With each sprint he takes down the road, the more the story Erin had told him replays over and over through his head.  
Stole a car. Drove. Got high. Did it.   
Stole a care. Drove. Got high. Did it.  
His nostrils flare.  
" _SIERRA_!" He shouts, walking up the lawn of her house with shaking legs and sweating skin.  
" _SIERRA! OPEN THE FUCK UP!_ " He walks directly in front of the house, banging on the bricked texture with his fists.  
Looking up at her bedroom window, he grunts and let's the pain sting through him.  
She's home, but purposely unresponsive.   
"ERIN?!" He proceeds shouting.  
" _ERIN_?!" His voice grows louder.   
"Get the fuck off my property, prick." She demands, after opening her window and sticking her head down at him.  
"You fucked _Erin_?!" He still can't wrap the notion around his brain.  
"Why do you _care_ so much? _You_ didn't want to have sex with _me_. You missed your shot. _Sorry_." She sasses.  
"This has _nothing_ to do with us. This is about _Erin_."  
"Oh, because _everything's_ about Erin." She retorts.  
"What the hell are you _talking_ about?!" He shrieks, arms spreading out.  
"You sad that Erin did me? That she might even be gay, and could never like _you_? That she's realized all you did was _lead her on?"_  
"I didn't do _shit_! She knows I would've _never_ meant to do that, you cunt. At least I didn't take advantage of her." He protests.  
At that, she laughs.  
"'Take advantage'? You fucking _wish_."  
"She told me you guys were high. You got her under the _influence_!"  
"I was never intending to have _sex_ with her, shit-head. We were both _stoned_ , and things just _happened_."   
"Yeah and it won't _ever_ happen again." He demands.  
"Looking out for your little sister? That what you're doing? Huh?" She mean spiritedly teases.   
He scowls. "That's not..." His sentence trails off.  
"We've both moved on from you, Dylan. How about _you_ move on from _us_."  
The window closes.   
He can only shakily stare down at the grass. His hands feel stiff, the rest of his body even worse.  
Too blindsided by everything that just happened, it takes him a few seconds to get moving again.  
•••  
Instead of a pill diet, Sam decides to focus on the diet that every human being needs to go on, to stay alive.  
Her food diet.  
But that doesn't mean the food diet is healthy.  
Stuffing the whip cream covered cool ranch dorito in her mouth along with with the insecurity of revealing her gender identity, her eyes glue to the television screen; where Abby Lee Miller screams at her dance students.  
"What are you _watching_?" Ken observes, while he walks over to the back left end of the couch with a filled laundry basket.  
"I'm eating doritos covered with whipped cream, and you're focusing on what I'm watching?"  
"You're a strange girl."  
She chokes on the weirdly combined food, inside her throat.  
"How the hell did you _know_?" She coughs out, cringing awkwardly at him.  
"I could tell you were being quiet about something. I knew it was either that or the pill withdrawal."  
In his direction, she scoffs in denial.  
"I have five pills in my system. I think I'm doing just _fine_." She smirks casually, before consuming whipped cream straight from the bottle, and shoving a handful of Doritos into her mouth, looking back at the TV.  
He stares at her.  
"Sure..." He can see that she's clearly eating her feelings due to the situation.  
A knock sounding at the door, he puts down the basket onto the kitchen table, and walks over to answer.  
"Hey, Erin. How are you?"  
"I'm _awesome_. Just out of curiosity, is your eldest son here?"  
"You mean Dylan..."  
"Yes..."  
"He stormed off somewhere. Come watch this scene with me!" Sam yells out to her in concentration.  
"Everything alright?" Ken asks while letting her  inside, noticing she's avoiding Dylan.  
"I told her about what happened between me and Sierra." She breaks the ice.  
"Oh _shit_. Feel free to hide under the table."  
He suddenly realizes why they didn't say one word to each other on the way home from the hospital, last night.  
"Thanks." She flashes a grin at him, before joining Sam on the couch.  
"What the hell are you eating?"  
"It's good. Try it."   
" _No_! Get it away."   
Ken watches them bicker.  
"Fine. I'll make _Connor_ try it when we see him later and he'll like it."  
"Connor wouldn't even _pretend_ to like that for you."  
•••  
Dylan interrupts their Dance Moms marathon about two hours later, by walking back inside the home.  
Erin tenses up, hearing him from inside the living room.  
"Speak of the devil." Sam mutters.  
He walks inside, freezing in his tracks right when he and Erin make eye contact.  
"Can we talk?" He asks her.  
"I'd rather eat a whipped cream covered Dorito."  
" _Cool ranch_ Dorito." Sam offendedly corrects, in the middle of chewing on one.  
"I talked to Sierra...I don't want you hanging out with her anymore."  
Erin scoffs, unable to believe what she's hearing.   
"What are you-my _babysitter_?" She asks, crossing her arms and walking behind the couch, before where he stands.  
"I'm just-"  
"Okay you _dated_ her. I hung _out_ with her one time so don't tell _me_ what-"  
"You had _sex_ with her! And smoked frickin' _pot_!"  
" _So_?!"   
" _Jesus, Erin-!_ "  
Sam has to turn up the TV not only to drown out the yells of Erin and Dylan towards each other, but because he wants to hear Abby Lee Miller yell, instead.  
•••  
"Soooo, why did you want me to drive you back early?" Adam asks Connor with curiosity, only about ten minutes away from Jeanette's house.  
"Uhhh..." Connor stiffly sits in the passenger's seat, bag sitting in the back.  
"I just wanted to get back and see Mom..." He figures that telling his Dad he threw a game device through his ex boyfriend's window isn't exactly the best idea.  
Nodding, Adam's about to pull unto her development.  
" _Wait_!" Connor yells in alarm, having the tires screech and the car come to a halting stop.  
"What is it...?!"  
"Can you...Drop me off at Sammy's...?"  
"I thought you wanted to see your Mom."  
"Yeah, but...I just remembered I told him I'd see him when I got back..." Connor claims.  
"But are you sure you don't want to see Mom real quick--?"  
"She's not home!" He blurts.  
"What?"  
"She's...At the store. She's not home. But Sam is. So...Take me there?"  
Blinking various times, Adam shrugs.   
"Alright."  
"Uh, can you not tell her I'm back yet, by the way? I wanna be the one to tell her."  
Adam squints. "You sure things between you guys are okay?"  
"Yeah..." Connor sweats. "I'm fine..."  
Knowing not to make things harder for him, Adam makes a u-turn.  
Connor grows relieved, when Sam texts him that she's sitting at home watching Dance Mom's, after asking if she's even there.   
Without even mentioning that he's on his way.  
Sam adds on the fact that Dylan and Erin are currently screaming at each other, so Connor supposes he'll learn more when he arrives.  
•••  
"Will you guys shut up I'm _trying_ to text Connor!" Sam screams to his brother and best friend who continue to argue, phone squeezed tight in his hand with anger.  
"What's with all the yelling?" Ken walks downstairs to witness the scene.  
"You know what?! _Fine_. I can't _believe_ I ever even _liked_ you." Erin retorts Dylan.  
Ken can only roll his eyes, learning that they're arguing with each other again.  
" _Right back at-cha!"_ Dylan screams to her.  
Everyone else in the room perks up with shock and curiosity.  
" _What_...?!" Erin yells, mouth gaping open.  
When there's a knock on the door, Sam's the first to volunteer.  
"I'll get it! I'll get it." She announces, wanting so badly to leave.  
She beams, after opening the door and seeing Connor standing on the porch with his duffel bag.  
" _Hey_! I thought you weren't getting back for a couple more hours!" She lets him in and gives him a hug.  
"Things got moved around, and, I wanted to surprise you." Connor clarifies in the middle of the gesture.  
"You okay? Scared the shit outta me last night baby." He mutters, nuzzling into her shoulder.  
"Yeah...I'm good." She whispers, comfortingly patting his back.   
"It'll never again, sweetie...Promise." The two of them pull away mutually, giving each other hopeful eyes.  
"Are you staying for a couple hours or a couple weeks?" She teases him to switch the mood, pointing to his bag.  
He chuckles lightly.  
"You can put that wherever." She lets him know, just as Ken enters the room.   
"Hey, Connor, how was your Dad's?" He talks to him casually.  
"Good...! Uh, he and the girl he's seeing are engaged."  
"I heard! I hope everything works out for the best."  
"Yeah. Me too." Connor flashes a smile.  
"Dylan left again." Ken looks directly at Sam.  
"Yikes." He mutters.  
"What's the deal?" Connor asks, knowing there's tension going on.  
"Erin told him that she slept with Sierra so they're feuding. Again. And he just revealed that he apparently used to like her." Sam sums up.  
" _Jesus_." Connor murmurs.  
"Gonna gossip about me while I'm in the other room?" She jokes, now standing next to Ken.  
Connor looks over at her.  
"Shit. Hey Erin." He puts down his bag and walks over to hug her.  
She giggles. "Hey."   
They share a quick hug.  
"I heard the good news. I'm so happy for them." Her words have them grin at each other.  
"Sorry my brother's such a dick." Sam speaks up, and Erin and Connor both scoff.  
Ken glares at his daughter.   
" _Samantha_." He scolds in a whisper.  
Connor looks at Erin, who looks at Ken.  
"What?" She wonders, thinking she misheard something.  
"Uh, nothing. We can hang upstairs. I'll bring the Doritos and the whipped cream." Sam refuses to come out in this moment.  
"Gross." Erin comments, knowing she's going to eat those together again.  
"What?" This time, Connor's confused.  
•••  
Erin sits on Dylan's bed, Sammy and Connor sitting adjacent, on Sam's own bed.  
The bag of Doritos, and bottle of whipped cream sit before Sam's feet.  
"So have you seen your Mom yet?" Erin asks him.  
He scoffs. " _Fuck_ no. With the way she's acting, and _Richard_ back in the picture, I don't really want to."  
Sam's hand touches his back, while Erin intensely sits up.   
"Connor...You have to _promise_ me if he lays _one_ hand on you-"  
"I already told Mandy."  
" _What_?" The two ask him together.  
"Yeah...I was...Really emotional about you-" he looks over at Sam- "And it slipped out...She said she wouldn't tell anyone, but..."  
"She's _gonna_ tell your Dad." Erin estimates.  
"I know...I shouldn't have told her. They're away from all this. Happy with each other. Gonna get _married_...  
I should've kept my mouth shut..." Connor looks down at his shoes, which lead his eyes to roam over to the food.  
"Do you really put whipped cream on that stuff?" His thoughts shift completely.  
"Connor, maybe you telling Mandy is a _good_ thing. She'll have some connections...And'll get that bastard out of your lives for good." Sam looks at the bright side.  
Nodding, Connor's eyes stick to the floorboards.  
"I mean, she's just been a _bitch_ ever since I got drunk at that party." He vents, looking back at Sam.  
Erin glares over at her, wanting her to tell Connor about what happened with Connor.  
"Um...I'll be in the bathroom." She purposely wants to leave, standing up and walking towards the room entrance.  
"You can just use ours."  
"A bathroom that you and Dylan share? I'll spare the diseases."  
"Why were you on his bed?"  
She ignores her, closing the door and walking down to the hall bathroom; to do something that she specifically couldn't do with Sam and Connor on the outside.  
•••  
"How are you, girly?" Connor teases Sam, stroking their hair.  
Sam giggles. " _Lame_...How am I gonna tell Erin?" She grows concerned, again.   
"She'll get it. She's your best friend."   
"But..."  
"Hey." Connor whispers, taking her hands.  
"I got you."  
Sam smiles, that smile dropping when he remembers Jeanette's words to them at the hospital.  
"Uh...Don't be surprised if your Mom doesn't want me seeing you anymore, alright?"  
" _What_?" Connor scowls, knowing she's done something.  
"When she stopped by at the hospital with Richard, she said some things to me. About the pills-"  
" _Don't_ listen to her. She doesn't _get_ it. It was _one_ incident. You're _working_ on it, Sammy. Listen to me...If you... _Ever_ feel like you need to take those pills; please _please please_ contact me. Please."  
Sam can tell by the emotion in his eyes, that Connor's willing to do anything to help him.  
"I promise you..." She whispers.  
Connor kisses her head. "I love you..."  
"I love you too." Their hands squeeze together, before separating.  
"I've been kinda eating my feelings, as a replacement for the whole pill thing." Sam admits.  
Shoulders now touching, Connor comments, "I can tell." Looking down at the items of food below their legs.  
Sam giggles, giving him a goofy look.  
"Why'd you bring it up here if you're not even gonna eat it?" Connor asks.  
"Because I wanna kiss you."  
After sharing one, Connor picks up the whipped cream bottle and playfully aims it at her.   
" _Stop_!" She giggles, seeing him put his finger on the nozzle.  
They cackle, being playfully attacked by one another and pinning each other down.  
The smiles on their faces don't wipe off so easily.  
•••  
After throwing up inside the toilet, there's a vibration coming from Erin's right shorts pocket.  
Instead of flushing the toilet, she stands up and takes out the device, eyes locking to the screen.  
 **Hey you.** Sierra had texted.   
She smiles.  
 **Hey. What's up?** She asks her.  
 **Laying around. Binging on a bunch of shit. U?**  
 **Just purged.** She admits. **Feel like shit tho.**  
 **Betcha look great.** Sierra softens her up.  
Erin blushes.  
 **Eh.  
Show me.  
Like, a selfie? **Erin has a feeling she knows what she means, but is just wanting to make sure.  
 **You don't purge to make ur face look better, do you?** Sierra teases.  
Erin scoffs.   
She's right. She's not doing doing this for the appearance of her face.  
It's for her body.  
 **U alone?** She makes sure.  
 **Yeah. Send me a pic. Miss ur bod.**  
In response, Erin pulls the sleeves out from under her, pulling down her shirt. Doing the same with her bra straps, she pulls her bra down to her stomach.  
About to send her quick a picture of her tits after snapping one, Sam and Connor burst in, wanting to know what was taking so long.  
To the sounds of all their screaming, Erin hastily pulls up her bra and flushes the toilet, scowling back at the boys.  
"Ever hear of _privacy_?!" She demands to them, relief flowing through her when the toilet finishes flushing so they can't see the liquid that was inside.   
She locks her phone, pressing it against her bare side. Her shirt still hangs loosely from hips.  
"What the hell are you _doing_ flashing your tits with your piss still in the toilet?!" Connor yells.  
' _Sure. That's it.'_  
"I...Thought there was a mole on my boob, and...Wanted to see it..."  
" _Bullshit_." Connor knows that she's lying, just by the sound of her tone.  
"Oh my _God_ you were sending a picture to Dylan." Sam thinks she's cracked the case.  
" _What?! No! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"_ Erin asks him.  
"You can't make him like you again with your body, Erin. You just can't."   
"I was not _sending_ anything to _anyone...!"_ Erin's cheeks are flushed red.  
"So, is it like, a normal thing for girls to just check out their tits?" Connor tries to understand the routine.  
"Uh, yeah, sure...To...See if they've gotten bigger..." Erin tries not to crinkle her nose at what she's saying.   
"Well don't ask me. I'm gay." He comments.  
"I think they have. I mean, just a little..." Sam sees no problem with adding on.  
"Thank, you..?" Erin cringes, wishing she came up with a better lie.   
"Have you told him yet?" She looks directly at her, tilting her head at Connor.  
"About what my Mom said when she showed up last night? Yeah." Connor tries not to roll his eyes at the thought, thinking that's what she's talking about.  
"Not that." Erin clarifies.  
" _What_...?" He instantly grows worried, knots twisting around in his stomach.  
" _Erin_." Sam grunts.  
Connor frowns, knowing they're purposely not telling him anything.  
Ken interrupts the bombshell from dropping, by peaking his head inside the room.  
"What is...Going on...?" He can't help but notice that Erin's shirt is draping from her waist.  
The three teens look at him.  
"Nothing..." They speak at once.  
Not wanting any more details, he shuts the door for their privacy.  
She pulls her shirt back up, shoving her arms through the sleeves.  
"Erin, _what_ is going on..." Connor glares at her.  
At the moment, she and Sam can only stare at him sullenly.   
•••  
Unfortunately, Erin nor Sam can stop Connor from looking up his address, and stomping all the way to Colin's place to 'give him a piece of his mind.'  
"Hey Colin." He starts off fake casually, after he's walked out onto his lawn.  
Erin and Sam awkwardly stand thirty feet away, wanting to separate themselves from the scene.  
They watch in awe, as Connor kicks Colin hard in the balls.  
"The _fuck_ was that for?" Colin wheezes, now kneeling on the grass with his hands over his crotch.  
Erin grins in fascination.  
" _Listen_." Connor pulls him back up by his shirt, leaning his mouth over his ear.  
"If you lay a fucking _hand_..." He whispers.  
"On Sammy...I will fucking _break_ you."  
"What the hell are you _talking_ about?!"  
"Oh, don't _fucking fake it!"_ Connor demands, pulling away and kicking his shin, sending him to the ground again.  
"You tried to fuck him at the party, asshole. Might wanna refresh-"  
A kick to his jaw, sending him laying on the ground.  
"Your _fucking_ -"  
A kick right in his face.   
" _Memory_!"   
Now bleeding and coughing, Colin sits up.  
Erin holds back her laughter, and Sam glares at her.  
"I-I'm sorry-!"   
Connor interrupts Colin's apology to the wrong person, by pulling him upwards by his left ear.  
" _Jesus_!" He yells in pain.  
"Here's what's gonna happen Colin--you're gonna stay the _fuck_ away from him." He pulls him harder, equal to pulling him closer.  
They grunt.  
"And if you don't, you see that spot right there?" Connor points to a spot on the ground, ten feet away from them.  
"Uh-huh..." Colin nods hastily.  
"I'm gonna fucking _bury_ you there if you even take one  _step_ in his direction."  
" _Connor_!" Sam scolds, thinking he's taken it too far with that comment, while Erin laughs silently.  
"We clear?" Connor ignores her, focusing on threatening Colin.  
" _Yes_...! N-now let me go...!"  
Connor frees him, by kicking him in the crotch, and back to the ground.  
"Don't _fuck_ with them Colin." He commands, scowling at him wincing in pain on the ground.  
"Because fucking with _them_ , is fucking with me."  
He kicks him one last time.  
" _Asshole_."  
"Are you done now?" Sam asks, in hope that he is.  
Erin feels reborn.  
He only smiles, thinking his job here is done.  
"Aaron was a dick to me at the party; can you beat him up next?!" Erin asks, grinning in hope.  
" _Guys_!" Sam screams.  
•••  
"Why the hell would you _do_ that Connor?" Sam rants to him, them and Erin walking into the farthest diner they could find from Colin's house.  
"I stuck _up_ for you, thank you very much." He sasses, the door closing behind them.   
" _Violently_!" Sam screams, body lurching upwards.  
Erin rolls her eyes, hearing them bicker back and forth. Crossing her arms, she taps her right foot on the floor.  
" _Enough_! Can you guys _stop_ bickering before I shove a fork up _both_ your guys'-"  
"Hello, how many?" A tall, dark skinned male hostess asks, suddenly walking up to them.  
Sam and Connor go silent at once.  
"Uh...Three. Thanks so much!" Erin chirps to the man with fakery.  
He can see the darkness in her eyes.  
•••  
"What's _wrong_?" Connor asks Sam, Erin sitting across from them in the booth, waiting for their waiter to show up.  
" _Nothing_...!" Sam claims, irritability clear in her tone.  
"Sam, can you get _off_ your man period?" Erin retorts.  
She glares at her, knowing she can't be too upset about the misgendered comment when she hasn't even told her about her identity, yet.   
"You mean _actual_ period." Connor mutters quietly because he knows she doesn't know, rolling his eyes towards Sam.  
" _What_?" Erin and Sam both ask, confusion in Erin's tone, and freshness in Sam's.  
"Nothing..."   
Their waitress approaches, asking if she can start them off with something to drink. Connor orders a Diet Pepsi, before the waitress turns to Sam.  
"And for you sir?"  
"Uh-uh-water..." She blurts in a stutter, mentally admitting that while she shouldn't get upset when people misgender her without knowing she's not cisgender, it still hurts a little bit deep down on the inside.  
After Erin orders a green tea, the woman leaves.   
" _You're_ getting a water?" Connor decides to tease Sammy.  
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom..." She mutters in response, sliding out of the booth and standing up.  
"Which one?" Connor can't help but quietly wonder.   
Erin's brow furrows.  
" _Jesus_." Sam sharply whispers, not wanting to even answer.  
"What's _his_ deal?" Erin asks, watching her walk away.  
' _She_.' Connor wants to so badly correct.  
He knows he can't get upset about it, when she's not even aware.  
"Maybe it's the pill withdrawals..." He suggests with a shrug.  
"Are you sure that's it?"  
"What do you mean?"   
"I mean...Maybe there's something else going on that we don't know about."  
' _That **you** don't know about.'_  
Connor's face is bland and sweaty, trying to remain calm on the inside; knowing she's onto him.  
"Connor...? Is there something you're not telling me...?"  
"What? _No_."   
If his drink had arrived yet, he would be uncomfortably sipping on it by now.  
" _Connor_ -" She's about to nag, when his phone vibrates, set on the table below him.  
 **Hey. How's L.A?** Noah had texted.  
"Who's _Noah_?" Erin suspiciously asks, seeing his name and text on the phone with her own two eyes.  
"He's just a friend from San Diego..." Connor answers hesitantly, taking the phone with his sweaty palms.  
" _Connor_!" Erin yells, seeing him text Noah back without a further explanation.  
" _What...?"_ He asks, sending the text and taking the phone away from his dripping, bright face.  
Right at the moment when Sam sits back down next to him, Erin screams out; "Connor is texting a boy named Noah and is acting _really_ suspicious about it!"   
" _Erin_!" He yells, just when Sam asks, " _What_?!"  
"I can explain...!" Connor defends do. Sam, who's glaring at him with a red nose, moist eyes and a puffy face.  
"Were you crying?" Erin notices.  
"That doesn't matter...! Connor, _what's_ going on." Sam doesn't dare talk about her feelings right now.  
"You ordered the green tea, right?" He asks Erin.  
"Yeah, why?"  
"Well that's not the only tea you're gonna get. Listen to this."  
•••  
After leaving the diner, Erin went home, and Sam and Connor back to the Montgomery house.  
"I can't believe Jude called you an _asshole_." She rants, she and Connor sitting beside each other on her bed.  
" _He's_ an asshole. I'm gonna stomp down all the way to San Diego and _punch him in the face!_ I'm gonna punch that Noah guy in the face too for having horrible taste. He seems cool. His idiot ass deserves better." She concludes, having Connor snicker.  
"You _do_ realize you're being a hypocrite, right?" He smiles.  
Sam snickers back. "Yes...I'm sorry I got so pissed at you. But like, what if Colin tattles to his parents and you get in deep shit?"  
"Then he's a pussy."  
They both guffaw. "So, seeing me all fired up and angry didn't turn you on just a little bit?" Connor teases.  
She giggles. "Maybe a little bit." She plays along with a smirk.  
Connor laughs, bringing her into his arms. Her head rests against his chest.  
He hums contently, kissing the top of her head. "You sure you're okay?" He squeezes her hand.  
"Yeah..." Though she's not so sure.   
"You having withdrawal symptoms? With the pills?"  
She sits up, looking into his eyes.  
"Nah. I honestly think I'm doing pretty okay with that."  
"You _did_ order a lot of food at the diner."  
Connor's comment has them both giggle at each other.  
"At least I have a fast metabolism..." Sam gazes down at their linked hands, facial expression turning sullen.  
"It's this whole...Gender thing..."  
Sitting up as well, Connor wipes her tears as she cries.  
"I mean, I know you, Dylan, and my Dad, know, but...Erin still doesn't. Or other people in my family." Too ashamed, she refuses eye contact.  
"The rest of your family doesn't have to know _shit_. And even if they do find out and say rotten stuff, who cares? It only matters that _me, your Dad, and Dylan_ accept you.   
And Erin will too. What-what else is this about; _God?_ Don't worry about that. Because no matter how you think you came to be, you were made the way you are for a _reason_."  
"I-I-know, but, it's not even _that_!" Sam stands up in distress.  
"I _hate_ feeling like a girl!" She exclaims, turning away with her arms spread.  
"You mean _being_ a girl." Connor doesn't want her phrasing it that kind of way.  
"What _ever_ you wanna call it; I hate it. There's _always_ this thought in the back of my head that's just terrified the identity's not gonna change.  
The _longer_ it lasts the more _scared_ I get. But when I'm back to feeling- _being_ a boy...I can't even feel casual about it because I _know_ I'm not going to be one anymore, in a dew days."  
She gets everything off of her chest.  
"Sam, you should feel casual about _both_ identities. You can't _help_ it. It's okay."  
"I don't _wanna_ be this way! You know how there are people out there who think it can be fixed?! Well I _wish it could be fixed! I hate this!"_  
Now crying himself, Connor stands up and squeezes her tight, letting her sob into his shoulder while lightly swaying her back and forth.  
"Look at me..." Connor grabs her cheeks, having her look deeply into his eyes.  
"This isn't about you not liking the gender thing. This is about you not _accepting yourself in general._ You are _beautiful,_ Sam." He whispers.   
Knowing that he's right, Sam only cries harder.   
•••  
She wakes up in his arms not even an hour later, back on her bed.  
"Connor." She shakes him lightly, having him blink himself awake.  
"Mm, hey; what time is it?" He sits up and looks at her.  
"Uh..." She reaches for her phone and checks it.  
"Almost seven. Should you be getting home?"  
"I haven't even told my Mom I'm back, yet."  
"What? _Why_?"   
Lump in his throat and knots in his stomach, Connor looks away with crossed eyes.  
"Because maybe I don't wanna go back..." He looks back at her broadly.  
"Because of Richard...?"  
"Not just him. She's changing into a...Different person. Not wanting me to _see_ you? Such _bullshit_. I'd rather not see _her_."  
"Connor...I know where you're coming from, but...You can't just never return." Sam touches the back of their hand.  
Connor blinks, not wanting to the face the reality of it.  
"Yeah...." He depressingly looks back into her eyes.  
"Your Dad probably told her that you're here."  
"I don't think so. She would've already stopped by and taken me away."   
Sam clicks her tongue, looking away for a quick moment.  
"I _don't_ wanna go back yet, Sam. Can I stay here _just_ for tonight? I'll go back _right_ after school tomorrow."  
"You know I can't say no to that, but what about your stuff for school? That's not here."  
"She'll be gone before school starts in the morning. I'll just drop by there and get it real quick."  
"And what's she gonna do when she sees you're not coming back, tonight?" Sam finds that certain flaw, raising her eyebrows intensely.  
"Ummm..." He trails off, thinking of something.  
"I'll just make sure that she won't be looking for me here. I can make my Dad tell her that he's dropping me off late, or something. I'll think of something...Do you think your Dad would be cool with me staying here?"  
"Most likely not."  
"Looks like we'll have to make it look like I'm not here, then."  
They smirk in rebellion.  
Such idiots.


	41. Ticking Time Bomb:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard gives Connor an aluminum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. This is a long chapter, and very intense at the end. Trigger warning.

Chapter Forty One: Ticking Time Bomb:  
Around eight 'o clock at night, Sam brings Connor's bag upstairs to her room, so it looks like he had already left while Ken was next door at Mindee's.  
"I'm going to the store quick; you need anything for school tomorrow?" He asks her, having arriving back into kitchen, while Connor hides out in Sam's room.   
"Uh, nah, I'm good..."  
"Your brother ever get back yet?"  
"Nope..."  
With a sigh, Ken turns to her.   
"Uh, Connor left." She lies.  
"Who picked him up?"  
"He walked."  
"Well make sure he texts you when he's back, okay?" Ken doesn't want any trouble happening.  
"I could've dropped him off." He adds, just when Dylan walks back inside.  
"Where the hell were _you?"_ Ken asks.  
"Out."  
In response, he rolls his eyes. "I'm going to the store. Need anything?"  
"No..." He ignores the both of them from then on, traveling up the steps.  
Ken sighs again, glaring in his direction.  
"Be right back, alright?" He looks at Sam, his tone changing to sincerity.   
"I love you."   
He kisses her head, gets what he needs to go, and Sam watches while he walks out the door.  
Once it's closed, Sam follows Dylan up the staircase in a hurry, before he walks in the room and sees Connor.  
"What's your deal?" She asks, noticing him leaned up against the hallway wall with his arms crossed.  
"Nothing. Go away."  
"This whole Erin and Sierra thing has you fucked _up,_ man. Take a shower..." Sam doesn't want him blatantly catching Connor.  
"Fuck off." Is what Dylan responds with.  
Sam cringes. "You _first."_  
She can't stop him from walking inside their room, where Connor casually sits on Sam's bed.  
"You're _still_ here?!" Dylan asks, while Sam curses and walks forward into the room.  
Alerted, Connor stands up.  
"He's staying the night, okay? _Don't_ tell Dad." Sam orders.  
" _Why?"_  
"I can _not_ go back there tonight with my Mom. Just _one_ night." Connor holds a finger in the air for Dylan.  
He sighs. "Fine. But if you're caught I'm _not involved in this._ And where the hell does your _Mom_ think you are?"  
"We haven't even talked since last night. If she really cared, I think she would've contacted me by now."  
"Connor, don't say that." Sam's eyes darken.  
But just in case she doesn't find out, Connor texts Adam:  
 **Mom had a change of heart and is letting me stay at Sammy's for the night. Will be back there in the morning.**  
"It's done." He concludes, now standing ten feet away from the both of them and throwing the phone down.  
"It's _fine!_ " He adds in denial.  
"It better be." Dylan mutters, hands now on his hips.  
"You two can sleep in the same bed--" he looks at Sam who stands adjacent to them.  
"But if you even _try_ to make out in the same room as my light sleeping ass I'm ratting _both your asses out."_  
The two cringe at him, prior to uncomfortably looking at each other.  
Sam returns a glance to her brother.  
"Deal."  
•••  
Things are running smoothly between the three of them, until it's time to go to bed.   
At eleven thirty at night, in pitch black, the only noise that Dylan and Connor can hear, is Sam rolling around on her side of the bed.  
Trying to sleep next to him, Connor is unexpectedly chucked with a pillow.  
 _"Owe!"_ He yells, sitting up and glaring in Dylan's direction.  
" _Sorry._ That was meant for _Sam._ Sam, fuck off!"  
"Well ex _cuse_ me for trying to get comfortable, asshat."  
Hearing them begin to bicker back and forth, Connor repeatedly shushes them.  
"Can you guys _stop_ arguing so your Dad doesn't bust in here and see me?!" He shout whispers, flailing his arms around with stress.  
He chucks the pillow back on Dylan's bed.  
"Fine." Sam sighs, plopping back down onto her side.  
"Dylan _is_ right, though. Can you _try_ not to move around so much?" Connor asks.  
"Can't fuckin' help it." She mutters, shutting her eyes and rolling over.  
"Not unless he _spoons_ you to death!" Dylan tiredly tells.  
"Both of you _shut up."_ Sam murmurs into the pillow, rolling over once more.  
"Connor. _Spoon_ them." Dylan instructs.  
"I don't want to spoon her right now. She's being a _dick._ " Connor glares down at her.  
In response to his comment, Sam angrily gets up, and storms over to she and Dylan's desk drawer.  
"Sam. Come _back_ to bed." Connor tries resting his eyes.  
"Listen to your wife." Dylan adds on.  
"The hell are you doing?" Connor asks her, seeing that she's now looking through all the drawers visible in the room.  
"Looking for something to eat."  
"There's this thing, called a _pantry downstairs._ " Dylan snaps, fiercely sitting up with messy hair and baggy eyes.  
"I don't _want_ to go downstairs, genius. That's where my pills are and I'll get _tempted_." Sam irritably explains.  
"Fucking _pill_ withdrawals. I _knew_ it." Connor figured that was why she's being to cranky.  
"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Sam glares at him.  
"He didn't put them downstairs, idiot. He _put_ them-"  
" _Dylan_!" Connor demands with intent interruption, throwing the closest pillow at him face.  
"Just get the _fuck_ back in bed, will ya?" Dylan asks his sister.  
"I don't wanna _sleep_ next to him." Sam states.  
"Fuck you." Connor mutters with an eye roll.  
"Fuck you _more!_ " Sam yells.  
"Fine! You don't wanna sleep next to me? I'll sleep next to Dylan." Connor stands up with his arms crossed.  
" _Ew! No! None_ of you, are sleeping next to me!"  
"Leave." Sam tells Connor.  
" _You_ leave!" He yells back.  
"It's _my_ room."  
"Um, technically, it's my room too." Dylan speaks up.  
"So _you_ choose. _Who_ gets to leave." Sam asks bitterly.  
"I don't want _either_ of you here right now!" He exclaims.  
"Alright! _I'll_ leave!"   
Grabbing a pillow, Connor glares at, and pushes past Sam, on the way out of the room.  
As one last gesture until the morning, they exchange middle fingers.  
•••  
Connor's all fine and dandy partially sleeping on the rug of the hallway bathroom, until Ken walks in.  
"Oh hey Mr. Montgomery..."  
" _Why_ aren't you at your Mom's house."  
"Uh it-it's a funny story, actually." Connor sits up with a finger in the air.  
Not wanting to hear it, Ken picks him up and throws him over his shoulder.  
"W-where are you taking me? Are you throwing me out on the street...? I still need my pillow."  
Ken ignores his questions, while walking right back into Sam and Dylan's room.  
"Are you _kidding me?!"_ Sam shout whispers, after sitting up and putting the pieces together. Dylan slowly wakes up, himself.  
"It's for _you."_ Ken sets Connor back down next to her in the bed, before turning back around and blatantly walking out of the room.  
"You guys are fucking idiots..." Dylan mutters to them in exhaustion.   
Laying next to each other and reunited, the couple returns glares to one another.  
•••  
August 29th:  
It's the next morning, and Sam and Connor are still bickering.  
"Can you _move?"_ Connor asks her irritably, pushing past her on his way to the fridge.  
"How about _you_ fuck off?"  
Ken and Dylan exasperatedly share coffee together, against the counter that holds the maker.  
"You know I'm surprised you're staying still right now since you can't stay the fuck still when trying to go to _sleep."_ Connor sasses her.  
"Get over yourself!"  
" _Enough!"_ Dylan screams, lurching his body in the air and almost spilling his coffee.  
"No one _asked_ you to stay here." Sam snaps to her boyfriend.  
" _Fine._ I'll _leave._ I gotta get my shit for school at my Mom's house _anyway_."   
"But what if Richard's there?" Sam can't help but worry for him, despite their feuding.  
"Who fucking cares. I'll be fine."   
Putting on his sneakers, Connor passes Erin when walking out the front door.   
Dylan almost drops his mug on the floor.  
"What's up with him?" Erin asks when Connor's gone, noticing that he completely ignored her.   
She walks inside.  
"Sam and Connor are being little bitches and fighting." Dylan summarizes.  
"About what?"   
Sam's about to speak, when Ken interrupts. " _Nothing_. Don't even _talk_ about it."   
"I'm gonna get dressed..." Sam breathes out, casually heading upstairs.  
Erin walks over closer to Dylan, only to have the two of them glare at each other.  
"Oh, _Jesus_. I can't _handle_ you kids..." Ken whispers, before going upstairs himself.  
•••  
Connor thinks the house is empty when sneaking through the back kitchen window, until he climbs off of the counter to see Richard standing there.  
" _Jesus!"_ He whispers, jumping at the sight.  
"Living at your boyfriend's?"   
"Living my my _Mom's?_ " Connor fires back.  
"What the hell are you _doing here._ " He bitterly adds on, arms crossed and eyes rolling.  
"Your Mom's upstairs. I'm taking her to work."   
"Well _that's_ nice. If you excuse me, I just came here for my school things."  
He's about to take a step towards the staircase, until he sees Jeanette walking down it.  
"Mom...?"   
She stops on the top sixth step, seeing who she sees.  
"Connor..."  
"Why didn't you try getting in touch with me, last night?" While part of him doesn't want to talk to her at all, the other part of him wants to know that she still cares.  
"Your father informed me on where you were. I trust that you're old enough to make your own decisions, Connor."  
Without another glance, she walks past him, and next to Richard.  
"You hungry?" She asks Connor.  
"No...N-no I just came here for my backpack..." His mouth is dry, tears hiding in the back of his eyes.  
•••  
After he finds his backpack stuffed inside his room, a plan forms in his head.  
Backpack now bouncing on his back, he makes a beeline for his mother's room.   
Seeing that her bed's a mess, he tries not to gag.   
Finding her cellphone on the dresser, he hopes that he still has the contact in her phone.  
His eyes light up, seeing Dave's name.  
He grins, seeing that she still has his number, but his address, too.  
Writing it down with the use of a pen and sticky note he found in his backpack as fast as he can, he hears Jeanette repeatedly calling his name from downstairs.  
"C-coming, Mom...!" He yells, putting everything back in its place, and sprinting down to where she is.  
"Are you sure you're not hungry?" She asks again, watching him squeeze the paper in his fist.  
"Uhh, I'm fine. Ate at Sam's."  
"Well do you want a ride?"  
"I'm good. Can walk. I love you."   
He gives her a quick kiss on the cheek, and doesn't look back when he steps outside of the house.  
"Uh-are-are you staying here tonight...?!" She yells out desperately.  
He doesn't have an answer.  
•••  
"What's wrong." Dylan notices the uncomfortable look on Erin's face, the two of them still standing before each other in the kitchen.  
"Nothing." She fibs.  
"Just fucking _tell_ me, will ya?" He snaps.  
" _I sent nudes to Sierra last night_ , alright?" She whispers sharply with a scowl.  
"You've _gotta_ be joking..." He doesn't want to believe the words that just came out of her mouth.  
"You're fucking _kidding_ me!" He screams.  
"Maybe if you stopped _yelling_ , I could _explain things to you."_ Her jaw clenches.  
"No _need_. You know what? I have fucking _had_ it with you. I don't even know why my sister is goddam _friends_ with you!"   
_"'Sister'?!"_ In that moment, everything comes together at once.  
"Shit, Erin; maybe if you started _paying attention around_ here and stopped being such a _slut_ \--"  
" _Fuck you,_ Dylan." She shoves him up against the cabinets, as Sam walks down the stairs to the sight.  
"What the fuck is _going_ on?!" She demands, walking forward into the room.  
"Nothing." Erin claims, looking directly at them, but this time seeing them as a whole new person.  
"What...?" Sam asks, focusing on the worried look she gives her.  
"You're scaring me, Erin."  
"I...I gotta go..."  
With a quick sprint, she's outside of the house with the door slamming behind her.  
"What the hell just _happened?"_ Sam asks, looking over at her brother with desperation.  
He can't build himself up say one word.   
•••  
Out of all the people Dave would expect to see at his door, he never would have guessed his ex's son.  
"Connor."  
"Hi...A-am I interrupting anything? I just really need to talk to you right now."   
He sweats and pants, for he had ran almost three miles to get to his house.  
"Um, yeah, sure..." Dave hesitantly let's him inside, not having any idea what could be going on.  
"I'm sorry about your Mom." Connor remembers to say, after the door is closed behind them.  
"Oh, thank you. Now, what made you decide to show up here?"  
"Uh..." Connor timidly turns in his direction.  
"Do you still like my Mom?" He asks him straightforward.  
The question lingers between them in the air.  
"Oh, uh, she's a great woman. I do miss her."  
"Well have you ever thought of getting back together with her?"  
"Is that what she wants?" Dave's eyes are now hopeful.   
Connor gulps. "Um...Listen, uh, she's back together with a different ex...He's not a nice person. It's like he's brainwashed her into staying with him."  
"Is he dangerous?"  
' _Yes_.'  
"Um-he-he's just not what's best for her. But you are. And I was thinking that if you convinced her hard enough...She'd go back to you." Connor explains.  
Dave thinks about it, shrugging his shoulders and nodding his head.  
"And you're sure this man is bad news?" He wants him to clarify.  
"Very."   
"Alright. I really do like your mother. And I like you, too. I'll talk to her later, okay?"  
"Okay...Thank you. Really."  
Dave makes sure to give him a quick hug, before watching him go.  
•••  
"Connor!" Sam yells from the distance in the school parking lot that he's just just happening to try to find her in.   
She runs up behind him, stopping him from walking and pulling him for a hug.  
"I'm sorry...I was being a bitch, okay? I love you."  
"I love you too...I was actually just looking for you." Connor nuzzles his face into her shoulder.  
"We were being stupid."  
Sam chuckles, smiling at him. "Yeah."  
They distance themselves from each other.  
"I saw my Mom when I went back to the house..." Connor reveals.  
"What? What happened?"  
"Nothing, really. She was nice. She said my Dad told her I was at your place and that she trusts me to make my own decisions. I think she wants me back, though. I'm glad she really does care..."  
"Of _course_ she cares. So, does she not have a problem with me anymore?"  
"I dunno. She didn't really mention anything about it. Beides-she has no reason to. Are you doing okay with that?" He wants her to be honest.  
"Yeah, honestly. I mean yeah I get tempted sometimes, but I'm still on just five pills a day so it's not like I'm going cold turkey. My Dad still doesn't tell me where the rest of the pills are just in case."  
"That's true. And you can always just eat for a replacement." Connor smirks.  
Sam cackles. "Yeah, I'm planning to, weirdo."  
Connor grabs her wrist, and they start walking towards the dreaded building.  
"Is the gender thing alright?" Connor asks quietly.  
Sam's pupils shrink at the question.  
"I'm just...Trying to accept it, that's all." She shrugs, trying to act like they're actually insecure.  
"If me and your family can accept it, you defiantly can too." Connor pecks her cheek, before they enter inside the school.  
"Have you seen Erin?" Connor asks, the two of them stopping and looking around.  
"She stopped by this morning. She and Dylan are _still_ -"  
" _Still_? God, when will it ever freakin' end?" They can't seem to figure out who's more sick of their feuding.  
"No idea." Sam rolls her eyes. "It's insane. She goddamn _pushed_ him."  
"Shit..." Connor whispers, as the second bell rings.  
"Wait." He sees Sam's about to make her way to class.  
"I went down to Dave's today. The guy my Mom used to see before you-know-who came back."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah. He said he misses her and is gonna try to get her back." He smiles contently.  
" _Good_. Maybe it'll help her see Richard's true colors so she can kick his ass to the curb."  
"Hope so. I'll see you, alright?"  
Sam flashes another quick smile, before finding her locker.  
•••  
What they don't know, is that Erin and Sierra, are getting high in the front seats of her car together.  
"Mm, that reminds me, I need you to do something for me."   
Sierra takes Erin's hands.  
"Okay..." Unable to even feel her own hands, Erin feels more buzzed than the first time she had gotten high.  
"I need you to get pills. From your friend. The ones that he takes."  
"It's 'she', I think." She loosely blurts out what's on her mind.  
"Whatever they are I need you to get their pills."   
"W-what do I say?"  
"It treats depression and stuff, right? Pretend you're having a meltdown. Or something."  
"Okay." She laughs lightly.  
"It's not just for me. You can snort them too."   
Before Erin can even respond, she's being kissed by her.  
•••  
Before second period can start, she comes stumbling down the school hallway, high as kite.  
"Jesus, Erin. You know finals aren't starting until December, right?" Sam asks, walking up to her.  
"Your brother fucking _sucks_." She blatantly ignores her comment, sticking her middle finger in the air.  
" _That's_ what this is about?" She rolls her eyes.  
"You can tell him to fuck off because _I've_ already moved on." She takes a step closer, faces now inches apart.   
"With _who?_ Sierra? Erin you're just _dicking around_ with her. Did you buy that pot from her? _Don't_ give her your money." She strictly advises.  
"She gives it to me for _free, bitch_. Asshole. Whatever word is correct for _whatever_ gender you're supposed to be."  
Not only is Sam left alone, but she's left with no words.   
•••  
Instead of being in class like he should be, Dylan is storming around the building, looking for Sierra.  
" _Hey_!" He yells, pulling her around by her arms once he sees her from behind, only to discover her dilated eyes and caught facial expression.  
"The fuck do _you_ want?"  
"You got Erin to send you _pics?!_ " He whispers in a shout.  
"Jealous?"  
" _No_. You're turning _eighteen_ in...When are you turning eighteen?"  
" _September_ , asshat. You're _already_ eighteen. Guess it was illegal when _we_ went out?"  
"She's _fourteen_."  
" _And_ a half. Will be fifteen on December third. Is this what you're gonna do, Dylan? Keep telling us the same shit over and over until you get your way? _Grow up."_  
•••  
Not knowing what else to do, he decides to take matters into his own hands.  
"Hey Erin...!"  
"What now." She's more focused on the inside of her locker than him, debating on whether she should show up to class faded, or not.   
"If you don't stop hanging out with Sierra...?! I-I'll leak the pics...!" He nervously bluffs.  
With a glare, she faces the rest of the students in the hallway, who are trying to get to class.  
"Hey _everyone!_ " She yells.  
Having their attention, she pulls up her shirt.  
Only to reveal the bra she's wearing.  
"Shit. Wait." She looks down, pulling down the bra straps to reveal her breasts.  
Looking away from the scene, all Dylan can hear are shouts, hollers, and laughs; coming from everyone else.  
When he uncomfortably looks back at her, her torso is covered.  
" _See ya._ " She says with a scowl on her face, slamming her locker shut and strutting away.  
Short moments later, Dylan's now the only one in the hallway.  
He contemplates at the wall in front of him, heart skyrocketing and forehead vein popping out.  
" _FUCK!"_ He shouts in anger, slamming his foot against the wall.  
The curse echoes.  
•••  
Sam and Erin were both too embarrassed to talk to each other for the rest of the day. Word had gotten around about her tits flashing.  
On their way to Connor's football practice, he and Sam discuss the situation.  
"So you really think she knows about the gender thing?" Connor asks her, currently walking through the parking lot and on their way to the football field.  
"Yeah. She made some comment about it while stoned. I think Dylan unintentionally told her. Do you think that's not why she's not talking to me...?" She worries.  
"She's just embarrassed about the whole tit thing. She hasn't been taking to me, either. I'm sick of this whole Dylan, Erin Sierra drama. It's sucking the life out of _all_ of us." He rants.  
Sam wraps her arm around him, pulling him closer while continuing to walk.   
He smiles.   
"Honestly, you're the only thing keeping me sane right now." He shares.  
Sam chuckles, and they stop before the stadium.  
"Have fun at practice. Get your head in the game." She grins goofily.  
Connor snickers. "That's for basketball, not football, idiot."  
"Well can you join basketball so I can start saying that?"  
•••  
Inside the school, Sierra nervously approaches Erin at her locker.  
"Hey."   
Erin jumps at the sound of her voice, spinning around with flushed cheeks.  
"Hi..."  
"Uh, I heard about the whole...Flashing thing-"  
"I was _really_ high."  
"I get it." Sierra chuckles. "And hey, if anyone tries to slut shame you, or whatever, lemme know and I'll kick their ass."  
Erin giggles. "Okay. Thanks..." She can't stop grinning.  
"Uh...Do you wanna like, hang out tonight?" Sierra suggests.  
Perking up, Erin's eyes widen. "Oh...! Uh, sure! Yeah." She grins again.  
Smiling back, Sierra responds, "Okay. Cool. See you then..."  
She leaves, and Erin closes her locker with delight.  
•••  
Connor's getting ready to leave practice, packing up his things on the far right edge of the football field behind the pavement, until three same-grade boys that he doesn't know of come storming up to him.  
" _Connor!"_ One screams, kicking him right between the legs.  
" _Jesus!"_ He yells, dropping right to the ground along with his duffel bag and Gatorade.  
"What the fuck was _that_ for?!"  
"You beat up Colin?!" One demands.  
"Only because-!"  
"Well _you're_ next. You're a _dead man._ We're gonna _kill_ you, faggot!" Yells the one in the middle.  
"Alright! _Enough!_ " The Coach comes walking over, waving his hands around.  
"Do you not know what Colin even _did--?!"_ Connor tries calling out the irony.  
" _Save it._ Watch your back, Stevens."   
Coach doesn't have to order them to leave, because right after that they take off running.  
Connor still can't feel what's between his legs.  
•••  
He makes sure to be aware of his surroundings, while walking home all by himself. Walking down the street where his house is located, the sound of a twig snapping makes him jump.  
Heart pounding with unsteady breaths leaving his mouth, he crucially looks around.  
" _Connor!"_ He hears one of the same voices yell out, from a distance.  
" _Shit!"_ He yells, sprinting all the way up to the lawn of his home. He's so focused on getting inside, that he doesn't even notice the extra unfamiliar car parked out against their curb.  
Once safe and sound inside the house, he locks the door with heavy pants.  
When turned around, he sees not only Jeanette and Richard sitting on the couch, looking as if they were waiting for him, but a woman who he's never seen before.  
"Who's this...?" He asks, secretly hoping it's a woman that Richard's been having an affair with so Jeanette can dump him and send them out of their lives.  
"I'm Jane Houston from child protective services. We've received an anonymous call about violent abuse being reported in this household."  
Those words make his stomach drop. Hands sweating, his throat grows dry and lumpy. He tries not to show fear in his eyes.   
"You have the wrong house..." He blurts, terrified of what would happen if the truth was let out.  
"The person told me that it was this house specifically."  
"Well they must have made a mistake because there's nothing going on here." Jeanette kindly explains.  
Connor wants oh so badly to open his mouth. There's another adult here. Who's an authority. The cops can be called and everything could be over.  
He remains silent.  
"Did they say who was inflicting violence on who?" Richard asks, making Connor bite down hard on his bottom lip in anger.  
"No. Just that there's a violent abuse situation going on."   
"I would _never_ hit my son." Jeanette states loud and clearly.  
"She's _never_ touched me." Connor clarifies.  
Richard, on the other hand...  
"Neither have I." He speaks up. "I'm not even his father. I have no right to discipline him in such a way."  
"Is he correct?" Jane looks at Connor along with the rest of them.  
He sees the look on his mother's face. A look that reveals finding out if her boyfriend was actually beating her son would shake her to the core.  
Richard's look is much on edge, knowing it's all or nothing with Connor's answer.  
"Neither of them have ever touched me..." He lies.  
"And you're _sure_."  
The air in the room grows heated. He finds the courage to speak.  
"I swear on my _life_."  
"Thank you for your guys' time. I'll be on my way, now. So sorry for the misunderstanding."  
On her way out, she runs into Dave on the doorstep.  
"David?" Jeanette asks in surprise, while Jane walks down the lawn.  
Connor's eyes brighten, while Richard encloses one of his fists.  
"Hi, Jeanette..."  
"What are you doing here?"  
Connor prays that their interaction can end everything.  
"I've been doing some thinking, and, I'd like to start seeing you again. I know you're seeing someone else, right now, but I really do like you and your son."  
She's taken aback by his offer.  
"Oh, uh..."   
She looks back at Richard, then back at him.  
"I'm sorry, David, but, I'm in a happy relationship with someone else, at the moment."  
He and Connor exchange sad glances.  
"I see. Um, sorry to bother you. I wish you all the best."  
"Of course, Dave. Thank you."  
The second she closes the door, Connor takes off running to his room.  
Taking out his phone while crying and shaking when pacing around the entire perimeter, he texts Mandy with shaking hands.   
**What have you done.**  
He repeats the same words in a whisper, as he types them.  
When the text is sent, he drops his phone and breaks down crying even more.  
"Connor...! I'll be at the store real quick, do you need anything?" Jeanette's faint voice from downstairs makes him jump.  
"N-no...!" He wipes the tears.  
' _Let me go with you.'_  
"Be right back!"  
He can't find it in himself to beg her not to leave.  
The engine starts, vehicle taking off down the street to Connor's horror.  
He can't lock the door fast enough, hearing Richard's booming stomps up the steps.  
"You made the call! _Admit it!"_ He screams after bursting into the room, pulling him by his shirt and inches before his face.  
"I-I swear...! I didn't...!" Connor trembles, dripping sweat and feeling as if his heart is about to implode.  
"I _told_ you I would hurt your mother if anyone found out. And I am _not_ talking about a broken heart, faggot!" He growls, tightening his grip and pulling him off the ground.  
" _Let me go!"_  
The intense beating starts in three, two, one.  
•••  
Sam doesn't like staying home alone. She doesn't trust herself to not find the pills her Dad has hidden and just overdose, or to do something plan stupid in general.  
She doesn't like the thought of being alone. With every second that Ken doesn't return from work, or Dylan from the library to study, is another second she dreads.  
When there's a knock on the front door, she's clearly startled.  
Steadily and slowly walking to the door with bravery, she flings it open to see Erin.  
"Oh. It's just you..." She's relieved.  
"Hi." She walks inside and hugs her tight.  
"I'm _so_ sorry about what I said earlier, Sammy. I was stoned and _stupid_. Dylan accidentally called you his sister that morning, and I made assumptions."   
"It's fine." Sam wipes her tears, pulling back and making sure to close the door.  
"I should've explained everything earlier to you, Erin. I'm so sorry."  
When asked if she can, Sam has no problem explaining her bigender identity to her.  
•••  
"Uh, before I go...Do you have any idea where those pills are?" Erin asks, the two of them standing in the same spot.  
"No, why?"   
"B-because it's just that Sierra kinda asked me out for tonight, and I-I'm really nervous about it. I think I'm starting to like her."  
"Your first _date_ , huh?" Sam teases, not knowing how to feel about her and Sierra, but knowing to still show support.  
"I'll try to find them and give you a few."  
She scoffs. "Yeah. Are you sure you don't mind?"  
"No. There's not much left, anyway."   
•••  
She almost laughs, when they find the pills in Ken's bottom dresser drawer.  
"Here." Sam pours three into Erin's palm with only four remaining, putting the cap back on.  
"Thanks...." She knows it won't be enough, but can always come up with an excuse.  
"I gotta go. Sure you'll be okay?"  
"Yeah." Sam throws the bottle back in the drawer, closing it with force.  
"I'm good."   
•••  
But the second the Erin leaves, her temptations grow by the second. She paces around the house anxiously, scratching her skin and pulling strands of her hair out.  
When she's practically on the verge of a panic attack, Connor's words replay in her head.  
'If you're having any urges to take those pills, contact me.'  
Sprinting over to their house counts, right?  
•••  
When approaching their property, Sam sees that Richard's car is in the driveway, and that Jeanette's is not.  
Maybe Connor's not home yet. Maybe Jeanette went to pick him up from practice and Richard there alone by himself waiting for them.  
But she's not taking any chances.   
The front door is unlocked.  
" _Connor!"_ She yells, running upstairs as fast as she can.  
What she sees in his room, is a beaten and bruised bloody Connor, with Richard furiously by his side.  
" _Stop! Don't touch him!"_ She runs over in front of them.  
"Sammy?!"   
"Don't come any closer or I'll _knock him unconscious!"_ Richard doesn't see Sam as a threat.  
Sam doesn't think before she speaks.  
"Beat _me. Not him._ Don't hurt him anymore he doesn't _deserve it."_  
"Sam _don't!"_ Connor screams.  
But Richard's already pounced towards her, beating her with more force and intensity than he beat Connor.  
They can only sob and beg for him to stop, while watching in dreadful horror.  
"I'm gonna make a deal with you, kid." Richard whispers to Connor, leaving Sam barely able to stand; in a worse physical condition than him.  
"If _you_ leave, _I_ leave."  
" _What?_ " He's still crying.  
"I'm gonna be _watching_ you. You have _forty eight_ hours to leave town, and go back to your Dad's in San Diego. If you leave, I'll drop _everything_ and do the same. Once _you're_ gone, _I'm_ gone. But if you _don't_ , I will drop a _bomb_ on your life."  
He's not bluffing or claiming what he says one bit.  
Richard leaves the home with the pride and dignity that's been sucked away from the kids upstairs.


	42. Never Goodbye:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor has no choice but to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)  
> Make sure to leave your thoughts below.

Chapter Forty Two: Never Goodbye:  
There's a long, dreadful silence between the two teenagers in the room.   
They both know what is on each other's minds. Tears are practically glued to their cheeks. Unable to move because of both shock and physical hurt, standing fifteen feet near one another, neither of them look at each other.   
Sam's lip quivers.  
"I don't want you to go..." Her voice shakes and trembles with sorrowed pain. More tears trail down her face.  
Connor finds the courage to finally look at her.  
"I don't wanna leave either, Sammy..."   
His face burns, arms shaking and breath shallow.  
"We-we gotta _tell_ someone-!" Sam's voice is higher due to the panic speeding inside her.  
"We _can't!_ He'll _do_ something-!"  
" _What_ would he possibly do?!" Sam wishes she could believe that Richard isn't being true to his word.  
"Something _bad!_ I couldn't bear to watch him hurt you...I-I need to leave to protect you and my Mom."  
"And say _what?!_ _What_ are you gonna tell her, Connor? You're _just_ working past your differences. It would crush her if you suddenly left again."  
"I have no _choice!_ "   
"W-well what are we gonna see when she gets back? She's gonna put the pieces together-"  
"She _can't_ find out that he did this to us..." Connor trembles again.  
"Well _what_ the hell are we gonna say?!"   
There's a tap on the nearest window. Sam's brow furrows.  
" _Connor!"_ One of the kids that are currently after him, yells from outside.   
"Who's that?" Sam asks.  
"Uh..."  
"Come on out!" Another one demands.   
"They _kinda_ wanna beat me up..."  
"You just _got_ beat up!" Sam exclaims.  
"They heard I beat Colin up and now they wanna beat _me_ up, okay?!"  
"Well do they know that he tried to _rape_ me?"   
" _CONNOR!!"_  
" _Alright!_ " He yells to them in impatient anger.  
His eyes light up with the thoughts popping into his head.  
"I have a plan."   
"What?"  
"Come on." Connor starts to drag her out of the room, her feet sliding across the floor.  
"What? _Connor!_ What the fuck-?!"  
•••  
When the three nameless attackers see the looks of Sam and Connor in the backyard just below his window, an uncomfortable feeling fills the air.   
"Holy _shit_." The boy standing in the middle, speaks.   
"Yeah. Sorry. Looks like you missed your chance." Connor's tone is bland.  
"We heard someone leave. Are they the person who did that to you guys?" The one to their right, asks.  
"Yeah..."  
"What?! That's _terrible!_ " The last boy exclaims.  
"You guys were _waiting_ to beat me up!" Connor yells, spreading out his arms at their hypocrisy.  
"Yeah, but, not _that_ badly..." The middle one says.  
Sam sighs, rolling her eyes.  
"Colin tried to rape me while he was drunk. You _do_ know that right?" She asks.  
" _What? No!_ He didn't _tell_ us that! He just said to get revenge!"  
"Who even _are_ you guys?!" Connor asks.  
"I'm Damien." The one in the middle points to himself.  
"That's Andy." They stand to his right.  
"And that's Robert." He's to the left.  
"Well listen. My Mom's gonna be back soon and she cannot know that that guy did this to us."   
"So, what do we do?" Andy asks.  
"Come on."  
•••  
Andy, Damien and Robert hide behind one bush, Sam and Connor the other.  
Both bushes are next to each other, on the left side of the driveway.  
Connor watches closely, as Jeanette drive towards the property.  
" _Now!_ " He yells.  
Each teen lurches out onto the driveway, Andy Damien and Robert making sure they're close to Connor and Sam.  
They throw semi-believable punches and kicks, all of them even making fake grunting noises and yells.  
Jeanette looks appalled, slowing down the car and parking against the curb.  
Sam pretends to fall over, and Jeanette gets out of the car in a shock.  
"What is going _on?!_ "  
While running away with the two others, Damien gives Sam and Connor a quick thumbs up from the distance, before fully disappearing.  
" _Hey! Hey!_ You-- _rotten boys!"_ Jeanette screams to them, before going to Connor and Sam.  
"Are you guys _okay?!_ Who _are_ those boys?!" She guides them closer to her.  
"Uh, bullies..." Connor blurts.  
Sam fakes a cough.  
"Let's get you inside and clean you up. Oh my _gosh!"_   
•••  
When arriving home, Sam tells Ken and Dylan the same lie.  
"Some kids from school beat me and Connor up because they're assholes."  
God forbid the truth be told.  
•••  
August 30th:  
Connor knows that today is the day he's going to have address the topic to Jeanette of going back to Adam's.  
He can't help but grow a chilling feeling that someone's watching him.  
It's not a brain teaser to guess who.  
•••  
"I think I should go and live with Dad for a bit..." He rips the band aid off at the breakfast table that morning.  
"What? Why? Did I _do_ something-?" She's in an instant panic.  
"What? N-no Mom I _promise_ it's not you. It's...It's about school..." He tries winging it.  
"There's better football programs at my old school, and in San Diego. Plus the college I'm thinking about going to is closer to him..."   
"And-and you're _sure_ this has nothing to do with me...?"  
"I'm _sure_ , Mom. I love you."  
She's already crying, getting up and running over to him with a tight hug in mind.  
He presses his nose against her shoulder and sniffs her hair, knowing it doesn't have to be like this.  
A lump now in his throat, he blinks away his tears.  
"I know I haven't been the best mother, lately. And I apologize from the bottom of my heart.  
I love you, Connor. More than _anything_ in the world."  
His heart shatters.  
"I love you too, Mom..."   
•••  
Ken and Dylan know that something's bothering Sam, and it's not just the beating she took yesterday.  
"What's wrong, Sam..." Dylan notices that she's practically crying into her cereal bowl.  
"Connor's going back to San Diego..."  
The air turns stiff.  
•••  
It kills them both to see Erin in such a good mood at school due to her date with Sierra last night, knowing that they have such bad news to tell her.  
"Erin..." Sam walks up to her hesitantly.  
"Oh my God what _happened_ to you guys?!" Her mouth gapes open at their wounds.  
Connor steps over next to Sam.  
" _He_ happened, Erin..."  
Heart pounding almost right out of her chest and body shaking, she waits for him to continue.  
"He's making me leave..."  
She's already in tears.   
•••  
He sits at home on his bed, after returning from what could possibly be his last football practice at that certain school.  
Jeanette had already called Adam during the day, discussing what Connor told her.  
The pieces don't add up for him, not understanding why Connor would want to leave so suddenly out of nowhere. To leave Sam and Erin.   
He didn't think he was so passionate about football, let alone his studies.  
Connor jumps, hearing his phone ring.  
Mandy.  
Though he picks up, words can't seem to find their way out of his mouth.  
"Connor...? _Connor?_ I-I only called child services because I was scared...! _Connor-"_  
"You ruined... _Everything_." He's crying, again.  
" _Excuse me?"_  
" _You're_ the reason I have to go back!"  
"How am _I_ the reason-?"  
"It doesn't _matter_ anymore, okay?! Just...Never talk to me again."  
Right after he hangs up on her, he receives a text.   
It may be from an anonymous source, but he can tell right off the bat who it's from.  
 **Twenty four hours. Tick tock.**  
He has to remind himself to breathe.  
•••  
"I have less than twenty four hours..." He brokenly shares to Sam, who sits beside him on his bed less than an hour later.  
Just knowing that brings tears into her eyes.  
"There's...There's _gotta_ be a way we can fix this. We can tell-"   
"We _can't_ , Sam!" Connor didn't mean to raise his voice, and gives her a gentle look when seeing her fragile facial expression.  
"Sammy..." He whispers, bringing her in for a hug.  
Both crying softly, they show no shame.  
"I love you..." He whispers to her, both still in the same position.  
She squeezes his hand.  
"I love you more..."  
Pulling away with sniffles and wiping away their tears, they force themselves to look each other in the eyes.  
"How's your Mom taking it...?"  
"She's...Confused. Not really knowing how to handle it...I think she's stress eating. She hasn't done that since the divorce."  
"Looks like her and I have something in common." Sam cracks a joke.  
They chuckle.   
"Boys?" She asks from the other side of the door, knocking twice before opening it.  
"I'm going out."  
"Where?" Connor wonders.  
"Just to see someone. I'll be back shortly."  
Connor squints.   
"Who are you seeing?"   
"Oh, shoot. I'm gonna be late. It shouldn't take that long." She's refusing to answer his question, closing the door and leaving the house as fast as possible.  
" _That_ was suspicious..." Sam points out.  
"Do you think she's seeing Richard?" Connor worries.  
"I hope not..."  
"Let's follow her."  
The two stand up at once.  
•••  
"The _library...?"_ Sam asks with a cringe, she and Connor walking up towards the parking lot of so, where Jeanette's car is parked. It took them about fifteen minutes to find her car parked in the lot, after guessing what direction she went in.  
"Guess so. Do you see Richard's car anywhere?" Connor asks, on the lookout for it.  
"I don't think so, no."  
"Why would she come here?"  
"Maybe she's getting an erotic novel."  
Connor crinkles his forehead at them.   
"Thanks for that, Sam..."  
"Or a Bible..." She finishes solemnly.  
Whatever it is, Connor plans to find out.  
•••  
Inside, the two try to stay discreet, while looking for her at the same time.   
"There she is." Sam whispers, pointing to her waiting in the D to E fiction section.  
They hide in the B to C section, taking a few books off of the shelves to be able to see through.  
For the next eight minutes, they watch her browse through several different books.  
"Are you sure this is legit spying material? She's just looking for a book." Sam whispers to Con'.  
He shushes her, studying the brightened look on Jeanette's face, when she sees someone towards her.   
Dave.   
Connor doesn't know whether he should feel relieved, or not.   
Sam's face shows pure fascination.  
"Hi." Jeanette whispers, walking over and giving him a hug.  
"Thanks for being here."  
"Of course." He whispers back, letting her gently pull away from him.  
"You doing okay?" He lightly strokes her face.  
Both the teens' eyes widen.   
"I don't know...I told you about how Connor wants to leave. I'm still heartbroken."  
"Are you sure it's what he wants to do?"  
"I'm not sure. But...Richard hasn't talked to me since I last saw him."  
"Do you think he knows about you going to see me, yesterday?"  
Connor almost flinches.  
' _That's where she went.'_  
"I don't know, but, I think it's best we stay out of touch right now." There's a victimized look in her eyes.  
Connor wants to know what she thinks of him, now. Maybe there was an incident. Or that she knows about one that had already happened. No matter what it is, Connor hopes the man leaves town, and is to never be heard from again.  
Sam glances over at him.   
"All I know is that he can't find out about this..." Jeanette whispers to Dave.  
It's when the teens see them share various passionate kisses, having them to decide to leave.  
"Holy _shit_." Are Sam's first words when they're back in the parking lot.  
Connor feels relief, but even more an amount of anxiety.  
"Why is she deciding to keep this from him? Why doesn't she just break it _off?_ Do you think she's afraid of him?"  
"I don't know...Either way, we should get out of here. If he found out about what she's doing he would not be kind about it. He said he'd be watching you. He could be watching us _right now._ Come on." Sam doesn't want neither Connor or Jeanette getting hurt because of him.  
For the life of him, Connor wants Richard out of his mother's life as soon as possible.  
Things are getting dangerously closer and closer to the edge.  
He knows the things that Richard are capable of.  
Maybe the sooner he leaves town, the better.  
•••  
Back home, Connor needs something to distract himself from all the dramatic thoughts running through his head.  
Sam watches him nervously pace around his bedroom with folded hands and a sweaty face.  
"Connor. _Connor."_   
Stopping near his dresser and looking over at her, his breaths grow rigid.  
"I want him gone, Sam. I want him _gone_." He tries to hold back his tears.   
"I know. I know. Me too..." Sam walks over and intertwines their hands.  
"I don't wanna leave you. I-I-"  
Sam shushes him. Slowly and calmly, he stops him from rambling.  
"I got you, Con'...I _got_ you. No matter how far apart we are, I'll have you. It's gonna be different this time.   
I'm not gonna give up on you. I would never intentionally ignore you. Hell, I bet I'll never stop _talking_ to you since you'll be far away."   
She knows he's scared of her doing the same thing Jude did to him.  
Now crying, Connor giggles. A smile appears on his face.  
"You're the sweetest, Sammy."  
"That's you." Sam chuckles.  
Connor giggles again, this time pulling him closer.  
"C'mere."  
Soon enough, they're on the bed, losing count of how many times they've kissed in the past two minutes.   
Sam's on top-no surprise there-running her hands through his hair while stopping for breath.  
"That make you feel better?" She jokes, continuing to play with his hair.  
Connor giggles again.  
"Yeah."  
He leaves kisses down her neck, and Sam dips her head back.  
She feels the bulge in his pants pressed up against her, unable to control getting one, herself.  
"I want you." Connor mutters against her skin.  
She grabs him by the sides of his head, making sure he looks right back into her eyes.  
"You sure?" Her eyebrows raise with wonder.  
"Yeah..." Connor's fingers run against her shirt.  
"I mean, I _am_ leaving tomorrow."  
"Don't remind me." Says Sam, before leaving various pecks on his lips.  
Knowing what she's looking for after she stands up, Connor directs, "The condom I got's still in the top dresser drawer."  
Finding it and taking it out, she closes the drawer.  
"So, uh, should I wear it...?" Connor asks, after she's turned to him.  
Sam laughs.  
"Take it easy, bed-head."  
•••  
Afterwards, they walk down the staircase with hands intertwined. Jeanette still hasn't gotten back.   
If Connor's hair was a mess before, boy is it in need of some fixing now.  
"I love you." Sam informs, looking at him as they stop on the bottom step.  
Connor smiles. "You're just saying that 'cause I finally had sex with you."   
Sam guffaws in disbelief. "That's not the _only_ reason!" She smiles with a raised voice, having Connor bellow a laugh and pull her closer.  
She restfully leans on his shoulder.  
"I'm glad you were my first..." Connor admits.  
In the middle of staring up at the ceiling, Sam smiles.  
"I'm glad you were my first too." She lifts her head and continues to smile.  
"You sure I was your first? I dunno, Sam, you seem like you'd fuck _anything."_ He teases, before being pushed backwards with a laugh.  
"I'm actually surprised I waited this long." She plays along, pulling him back inches apart from her.  
Jeanette walks inside, instantly spotting the both of them.  
"Uh, where were you...?" Connor asks, hoping it's not too easy to tell what they did beforehand.  
"Had to meet someone from work at the library. Sorry. It was an emergency." She fibs, closing the door and walking forward inside.  
"Oh, Sam." She puts her attention on her.  
Her pupils shrink, letting go of Connor's hand.  
"Yeah...?" She takes one step down onto the floor, walking closer to her.  
"I just want to say I'm so _sorry_ about what happened over the weekend. I-I didn't want to have to say those things. I wasn't thinking correctly..."  
Neither of them know how to interpret that.  
"Oh, it-it's okay..."  
"No. It's _not_." She walks over inches before her, and strokes her face.  
"You're a great kid, Sam. I love you both."   
She smiles hesitantly.  
"We love you too, Mom..." Connor responds, stepping down as well.  
"Thank you..." Sam has trouble looking her in the eyes.  
She smiles graciously.  
"What...?" She can't help but notice that the two are uncomfortably avoiding eye contact.  
"Uh, nothing..." Connor looks at her, forced innocence in his eyes.  
Sam presses her lips together, sneaking her a quick glance.  
' _I just took your son's virginity.'_  
"You think she'll notice her lotion's missing...?" Sam whispers to Con', after she leaves the room.  
He holds back a laugh.  
•••  
August 31st:  
Connor stays home from school so he can pack everything he needs.  
Jeanette's the one down at the school, retrieving his transcripts and other necessary things to withdrawal him from the district.  
•••  
With a broken heart and aching soul, Sam finds Erin and Sierra carelessly smoking cigarettes together in the girls' bathroom.  
She feels that it's her right to be in there, anyway.  
"Connor's packing..." She reveals, crinkling her nose at the smoke filled air.  
The cigarette almost falls out of Erin's mouth, itself.  
"H-he's really leaving...?" She doesn't want to say it's so, after taking it out.  
"Yeah..." Sam's voice breaks.   
Sierra watches them carefully, exhaling smoke from lungs.   
"Why does he have to move?"  
"None of your _business_." Sam snaps.  
" _Sam!"_ Erin chides.   
"You don't even _care!"_ Sam yells specifically at her. "All you care about is smoking with your fuck buddy who's pretending to have _feelings_ for you."  
Erin fumes. Sierra is left speechless, but also knows that Sam is currently going through a lot.   
"Whatever. Continue going through your _phase_." She's talking about Erin's use of cigarettes and weed, rather than same-sex hook ups.   
"You're being a _dick_ right now, you know that?!" Erin yells out, watching her leave the room.  
To calm her nerves, Sierra lights Erin another cigarette.  
•••  
In the middle of the hallway, Sam bumps into Jeanette.  
"H-hi..." He stutters, forcing away her tears.  
"Oh, Sam. Hi. How are you holding up?" She's just as broken-hearted about this is them.  
"Um, okay, I guess...I know I'm gonna see him again, but, it's gonna be hard ya know?"  
She could do it. Tell her the whole reality of the situation right then and there.  
But by doing that she'd be risking everything.  
"Me too...I have faith in you both. Things will work out. I always thought you two were good for each other.   
That whole thing at the hospital, it was foolish of me. I thought I was doing the best thing for Connor when the best thing I _can_ do for him is let him be with _you_."  
Tears sting Sam's eyes, again.  
"Thank you...Jeanette."   
Cooing, she pulls her in for a tight squeeze.   
"Aw, Sammy..." She whispers, feeling their tears against her clothing.  
"You can visit Connor after school. Erin's welcome, too. I promise you that won't be the last time you see him."  
Sam knows for a fact that she would never let Connor slip through her fingers.  
"Is there anything else bothering you, besides Connor leaving?" She wonders, when they release each other.  
Where does she start?  
•••  
While on their way to first class, Sam bumps into one of the guys that were planning to beat Connor up.  
Damien.  
"Oh. Hey." She decides to start conversation.  
"Hey, man. You doing alright...?" Word has gotten around about Connor leaving.  
"Uh...I'll be okay. Thanks, though."  
Small smiles are exchanged between them, before going their separate ways.   
•••  
Even through they're not on good terms right now, both Sam and Erin mutually show up at Connor's house after the end of the the school day.  
He has less than two hours to get out of L.A, and back over to San Diego.  
Jeanette waits downstairs with the car keys, to drive him there. She wishes it wasn't so.  
"So, you're really leaning huh..." Erin asks sullenly, observing all the bags that Connor had packed on the floor of his still set-up room.  
"Yeah..." His voice is small, trying to choke back tears.  
Standing next to Erin, Sam's already on the verge of tears.  
"I _love_ you..." She repeats, strolling over and hugging him hard.   
Connor sniffs her hair, wrapping his arms around her. "I love you too..."   
Erin tears up at the sight.  
The hug lasts over ten seconds.  
Erin hugs him next, for a little over six seconds. "We're gonna see you again; you know that right?" She asks, after pulling away.  
"Yeah..." Connor looks right at Sam.  
"Of course I know."  
Both the girls smile weakly.  
"How much time is left...?" Erin asks.  
"Less than two hours...The sooner the better."  
Sam sniffles.  
She and Erin help Connor carry all of his bags downstairs.  
"You ready?" Jeanette hesitantly asks, taking as many as she can for them.  
He only nods.  
"I'll...I'll text you guys in the car, okay...?" Connor asks Sam and Erin, trying to keep his voice from breaking.  
"Please." Erin requests, with a nervous chuckle.  
He hugs her one more time.   
With no shame, Sam and him share a long kiss.  
Jeanette says that they're welcome to continue to stay at the house, when she and Connor leave.  
Not wanting to go home just yet, they take the offer and say their thank you's.  
When Connor and Jeanette are officially out the door, Sam's a mess of tears.  
"Aw, Sammy, c'mere." Erin's about to pull her in for a hug, but she's sprinting upstairs to believe what is still Connor's room.  
Following her into the room, Erin freezes in the doorway at the sight of Sam curled up in Connor's bed with broken-hearted tears.  
"Sammy..." She whispers, sitting beside her and resting their head on her chest.  
"You're gonna see him again...He's gonna text you soon. What you guys have...Neither of you can just let that go...You know that right?"  
Letting out a few sobs, Sam sits up and looks at her with broken eyes.  
"I-I shouldn't have said w-what I said to you in the-the bathroom..." She stutters.  
"Just because you smoke weed sometimes and have sex doesn't mean Sierra's a b-bad influence..."   
Erin chuckles. "It's alright...She really is a nurturing person. We can't be public 'cause her parents would flip."  
"That sucks. I'm sorry...I'm glad you're happy. Just-please try not to smoke cigarettes, okay? You could get cancer and I don't want you to die. I love you way too much."  
Erin smiles. "I love you too, Sammy...It's just a bad habit. I'll grow out of it."  
"It better. Or I'll have to start pouring water on you."  
Guffawing at each other, tears now going down both their faces, the two girls share hug.  
•••  
Jeanette tries to hold in her tears almost the entire two hour car ride to Adam. Connor sits next to her with his hand on her shoulder.  
He had texted Sam and Erin for a majority of the ride; saying that he loves them both and will see them as soon as possible.  
When the car pulls up at Adam's curb, Jeannette uncomfortably cuts the engine.  
"I love you, sweetie."  
"I love you too..." Connor undoes his seatbelt, kissing her cheek.  
"This is _nothing_ against you. This isn't me favoring Dad. I just feel that for now, this is what's best for me..." He tries to sound believable as possible.  
"I understand, honey. I'm just really gonna miss being with you every day..." The water works start, and he squeezes his hand.  
This has him begin crying as well.  
"This is what I have to do, Mom..."   
And by that he means he has no choice unless he wants both of them to continue being in danger.  
"Is this about Richard? Because honey, I think things between us are dying down. He hasn't talked to me in two days. Maybe it's best that we stay out of touch..."  
Connor's heart thuds.  
She knows he's dangerous. That's a good thing, right?   
Hopefully he'll leave soon like he said he would, and get as far away from their lives as possible.  
With a kiss to her cheek, he gets out of the car and retrieves his bags from the trunk.   
Holding all of them as best as he can when the trunk is closed, he waves to his Mom one last time.  
Blowing a kiss with tears still streaming down her face, she gives him a smile.  
This time his tears aren't so sad.  
He tries not to collapse down onto the lawn, while watching her dreadfully drive away.  
The vibration from his phone has him jump.  
It's neither Sam nor Erin.  
 **Fair game, Connor. You'll never see me again. Unless you don't follow my rules.**  
Phone slowly making its way out of his sweaty first, Connor starts to wonder what exactly Richard's rules are.  
•••  
As the evening approaches, sitting alone on the floor of her shared room in a mess of tears and sweat, knowing that Connor is now officially at Adam's isn't the only reason why Sam's upset.  
She hates being a she. She wishes that she could just identify as a he again.  
But right know, she knows that that's not who she is on the inside.  
She's scared that she'll never feel like a boy again.  
But it'll change. The identity always changes from one to another at any time.   
Ken walks in without knocking, making her jump.  
"What's wrong?"  
"This-this gender thing is killing me...I-I wanna be a boy again...I fucking _hate_ this."  
Sighing sadly, Ken walks over and kneels down before her.  
"You shouldn't ever have to be ashamed of your identity, Sammy. Right now, you're a girl. And that's okay..."  
"I just wanna be _normal_...I wanna be cis'..."  
Ken strokes her hair.  
"Maybe if you had something that made you feel more feminine, you would be comfortable." He suggests.  
Sam's face lightens in realization.  
"Can-can you take me to Erin's...?" She knows she'll help her in this state of emergency.  
"Of course, yeah..." Ken gets up and walks back to the doorway, waiting for her to get ready.  
"And Dad...I, uh, think I'd like to start going to therapy." She thinks it's time.  
"I think that's a great idea, Sammy..."  
•••  
Erin's father let's Sam up into her room.  
"Hey...What are you doing here...?" She sits on her bed in the middle of studying, focused on Sam's flushed face and moist eyes.  
"Your Dad let me in. Uhhhh...Is it okay if I borrow some of your clothes...?" Sam's voice cracks with embarrassment.  
Erin perks up. "Yeah...Of course."  
Sam laughs nervously, and Erin smiles.  
Before she lets her pick out a few outfits, she offers to put makeup on her face.  
Sitting on the bed, both are unable to not crack up while Erin attempts to professionally paint Sam's face, while she's giggling about how ticklish it feels.  
With Connor in another town but still by their side, and so many different things changing, the three can only wonder where they'll go from here.


	43. Avoid The Stoners At All Costs:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Connor's first day back at Anchor Beach High.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :) if you have any complaints, thoughts or questions feel free to leave them below! <3

Chapter Forty Three: Avoid The Stoners At All Costs:  
September 1st:  
Connor practically stumbles into the kitchen, almost forgetting that it belongs to Adam and not Jeanette.  
His father gets up from one of the kitchen table chairs, white mug of coffee in tow.  
"You okay?" He asks, setting the cup down and standing Connor up straight.  
"Did you get _any_ sleep last night?"  
"I stayed up until like four talking to Sam." Connor speaks in yawns.  
"You only got _three hours_ of sleep?" Adam pulls him over to the table and sits him down next to his own chair.  
Being so ridiculously delirious; his son only laughs. His right cheek falls flat onto the surface of the table.   
"Mmmm..." He whines, eyes gluing shut.  
"Here. Drink some 'a this." Adam slides the coffee mug over to him.  
Connor struggles to even lift his face up, and reach over for the mug handle. He slowly pulls it closer to him, lifting it up before his face at the same pace.  
Only a few sips are swallowed down into his system, when the cup drops back down onto the table. While Connor may be sitting up now, his eyes resume shut and mouth drooping open.  
Adam only scoffs, shaking his head.   
Mandy's arrival into the home, is what has Connor wake up.  
"Hi..." She greets the both of them, while Connor glares at her. With that, he takes a few more sips of Adam's coffee.  
"Hey. Wanna sit down?" Adam asks her.  
"Yeah, sure." She purposely sits next to Connor.  
"Um...I think I'm gonna take a shower." Connor stands up without even pushing his chair in, almost falling over with each footstep leading him upstairs.  
Mandy quietly sighs, knowing what she has caused.  
•••  
Sam sits upstairs on her bed, continuing to cry like she's been doing since she's woken up just around seven a.m. She's prayed last night that she wouldn't have woken up a she.   
But would ya look at that.  
She partially opened up to Connor about it over text, just a few hours ago. He advised her with comforting words and advice, calling her 'his girl' and saying that he'll love her no matter what happens. She felt slightly better when reading his words.  
With shaking fingers, she presses his contact name on the phone screen.  
The necklace of his that she wears is the only thing keeping her intact with her femininity right now.  
"Hi..." Her voice is broken.  
"You alright?" Connor's concerned right off the bat, walking down the parking lot of his old school that Adam had driven him to-Anchor Beach High.  
"Never mind I-I don't wanna bother you..."  
"N-no, Sam, bother me! Bother me _all_ you want." Knowing she's upset, Connor's voice is assertive but light.   
He walks up right before the entrance of the building, casually looking around.  
"I...Just, this gender thing..." She doesn't know how to describe it.  
"You still my girl?"  
Her stomach happily drops, a smile and flushed cheeks stuck to her face.  
Connor smirks, knowing that that comforts her.  
"Yeah..." She giggles.  
"Sounds good." Connor grins. "You wearing that necklace?"  
"Yeah." Sam's voice is lighthearted with happiness, stroking the spread winged golden bird lightly with her finger.  
"You look great."  
"You haven't even seen what I look like this morning."  
"Don't need to."  
She giggles again. "Thanks..."  
"My flirting make you feel better?"  
"Yeah." Sam grins, speaking the truth.  
"Good. Sure you'll be okay?"  
"Yeah. I gotta get ready, anyway. Gonna be late. How are things with Mandy?"   
Connor had told her that she was the one who called child services which led Richard to give him the aluminum, during their most recent text session.  
Connor's blood almost freezes in his veins.  
"She was just trying to do the right thing, Con'."  
"I know, but, she's still the reason I'm not with you right now..."  
"That can change if we Skype after school. We can make it interesting." Sam wiggles her eyebrows, hinting at what kind of conversation it could be.  
Connor struggles not to get a hard on in the middle of the crowd of students surrounding him.  
"Mm, yeah, I could work that out." He blinks rapidly, his face pale.  
Sam laughs. "Cool. I love you."  
"Love you more."  
"Not possible...!" Sam yells, hanging up before Connor can say anything back.  
He snickers, looking down at his phone that reads the call has ended.  
He can't contain the breakout of repeated smiles on his face.  
Even from two cities over, Sam never fails to make Connor happy.  
•••  
He had survived his first class, catching up with a few old acquaintances he used to know.   
Trying to casually walk to his second period, the last person he was expecting to run into was Noah.  
"Noah?"  
"Connor?"  
"You go here?"  
"I transferred. I didn't know you moved back. Why did you?"  
"Uh, complications. But it's nice running into you..." Connor wants away from him as fast as possible, knowing that if he's here, then-  
"Hey, Noah." Jude calls out, walking over to the both of them.  
Connor's breath hitches, instantly looking away from the sight with a blunt facial expression.   
Jude can only frown, surprised to see that he's back.   
Noah says nothing.  
"Uh, yeah?" He finally speaks up, looking at Jude as if nothing awkward is going on at the moment.  
"Uhhh...I got the weed from Daniel. When you wanna use it?"  
Continuing to look away, Connor rolls his eyes.  
"Uh, we can just smoke it later." Noah suggests.  
"I got shit I gotta do later. Wanna just ditch class?"  
"I can't."  
"Why not." Jude forces a laugh.  
Noah exhales quietly, trying to wipe the maddened look off his face.  
"Alright. Fine, I'll meet you in there." He's only doing it for him.  
Jude grins. "There you go."  
Purposely, he gives him a long hard kiss on the lips, holding his head in place.  
Still standing where he stands, Connor currently is on the verge of suicide.  
He cringes, while suddenly realizing something. Is Jude trying to make him _jealous?_ Because in that case, he has to hold back _several_ laughs.  
This is so pathetic that he's almost _smiling_.  
"See ya." After the long, lagged on kiss, Jude's  tone towards is flirtatious, running a finger down his right arm.  
Noah forces a chuckle, and uncomfortably looks at Connor after Jude's finally walked away.  
"Uh, I-"  
"I get it." Connor doesn't want his excuses.  
"I gotta get to class."  
Noah's eyes are filled with hurt and envy, when watching Connor walk away.  
•••  
At lunchtime, Sam scurries her way over to Sierra, with an important question in mind. "Do you have any idea where Erin is? She isn't answering my texts."  
"She's probably just at home sleeping it off."  
"Sleeping _what_ off?" Sam's suspicious, remembering that Erin went over to Sierra's after he left her place.  
"Nothing."  
" _What_ did you make her do?" She orders.  
"I didn't _make_ her do anything! Calm down and _grow up."_ Sierra retorts, flashing a nasty look prior to stomping away.  
Hastily rolling her eyes, Sam realizes that Dylan has been standing fifteen feet away from them, the entire time.  
"Did you see that?" She asks, walking over to him.  
"Yeah. I did." He crosses his arms.  
"And you're not gonna throw a hissy fit like you usually do?"  
Dylan scoffs. "It's _none_ of my business, Sam."  
"So you're just gonna sit back and watch Erin turn into a junkie?"  
"Want my advice? _Stop getting involved_."  
"She's my _friend!_ I can't just _cut her out of my life."_  
"She's just gonna keep making the same mistakes, Sam. It's best you stay away." Dylan's voice is calm yet serious at the same time.  
"Yeah? Well just because _you_ got screwed over, doesn't mean _I_ will." Sam gets the last word, storming off towards the choices of tables to sit at.  
"Hey, Sam." Damien calls out from the table he sits at with Andy and Robert.  
"Oh. Hey..." She stops before their seated right side of the table.   
"Wanna sit with us?"  
"Sure."  
Damien let's her sit right next to him.   
Not knowing what else to do, she can only flash a smile.  
•••  
While Sam might have a place to sit, Connor, does not.  
"Oh. Hey..." He ends up running into Noah.  
"Hey. Uh, you got anywhere to sit?"  
"No not yet. Are you sitting with anyone--?"  
"Noah!" The one and only Jude calls out, causing Connor's pupil to shrink and his heart to practically stop pumping.  
"Uh..." Noah looks at Jude then back at Connor, knowing the two of them would not be happy sitting at the same table.  
"I'll just fine somewhere else to sit..."  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah. Thanks anyway, Noah."  
He gives Connor an apologetic look, before heading over to Jude.  
With a heavy sigh, Connor resumes to look around.  
He can't help but look at the table that now only consists of Jude and Noah, noticing they seem to be debating about something.  
When Jude just happens to angrily point over to him, Connor's first instinct is to take off speed walking in the nearest direction to the other side of the cafeteria.  
' _Am I not even allowed to **talk** to Noah without Jude getting pissed? **Jesus**.'_ He's thinking so fast, that he barely even comprehends running into another freshman boy.  
The drink he holds splashes onto his shirt, and down onto the floor.  
"Oh! I am _so_ sorry!" Connor frantically apologizes, looking down at the soda and ice cubes pouring out onto the floor.  
"Oh, no. It's fine. I should've put on a lid. It's my fault." The boy blames himself.  
Connor speeds over and retrieves some napkins, helping him clean up the mess.  
"Thanks."   
"Uh, yeah, no problem. It's my fault. I should've watched where I was going..." Connor explains himself.  
He's chuckled at.   
"Uh, nice SnapBack." He changes the subject to a compliment, pointing to the black one he wears on his head, with a white colored logo that looks to be a head of a fox or some sort of other animal.  
"Thanks. Lots of people call me SnapBack kid."  
"Really? Cool."  
"Yeah. My real name is Cameron. Wanna sit together?"  
"Yeah! I'm Connor." Himself smiles.  
With that, a friendship is made.  
•••  
Erin finally awakens with tangled greasy hair, and a face consisted of dry drool. Sitting up out of her pile of sweat, she gets out of the bed and goes back to the usual routine she taught herself last night at Sierra's.  
Smoke weed. Binge on food. Purge it all out.  
Smoke. Binge. Purge.  
Smoke. Binge. Purge.  
And repeat.  
While part of her knows she should feel ashamed, the other part of her just doesn't give a damn.  
•••  
Alone in her dreadfully quiet home, Jeanette hesitantly sulks down at the CVS bag sitting on her marble kitchen counter. She had cried all the way home, from dropping Connor off at Adam's. Where he'll be for God only knows how much longer.   
Not only that, but she stayed up in her bed half the night, weeping.  
She still hasn't completely cleaned out his room, not sure if she even wants to.   
About to slowly reach inside the bag and take out the purchase she wish she didn't have to buy, there's a knock on the door.  
Gasping, her entire body lurches up, attempting to not shake.  
Her breathing grows shallow. Hell, it takes her over sixty seconds to even make her way to the door.  
Now or never, she throws open the door.  
Her heart drops with a relieved sigh exiting her mouth, seeing that it's only Dave.  
"Oh, thank God it's just you..." Her voice is barely audible, while he walks inside. Closing the door, she makes sure to lock it behind her.  
"Are you okay? I'm sorry. I should've told you I was coming over."  
"It's fine, it's fine..." She claims, though she could have done without the terrifying suspense.  
"How are you doing?"   
"I just..." She proceeds crying again.  
"I just don't understand how he could have _left_ me."   
He knows she means Connor.  
"He didn't mean to ' _leave_ ' you, Jeanette..."  
"He didn't _want_ to! I _know_ he didn't want to leave any of us."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"I'm saying that I don't think it was those group of boys that gave him and Sammy that beating, like I was told..."  
" _Jeanette_ -" Pupils shrunken, David's scared to even say the man's name.  
"You know what-I can't do this right now I-I'm starving; I need to use the bathroom..." She quietly interrupts, strolling over and retrieving the CVS bag.  
Before David can even ask what's inside, she's closed and locked the bathroom door behind her.  
•••  
While eating lunch across from each other, Cameron finally recognizes from that one summer day.  
"I remember you, now." He points to him.  
"There's something to remember me from?"  
"Yeah. Uh, at the beach last summer. You were dating-"  
" _Yeah_. Yeah, uh, I remember now." It all comes back to Connor, not wanting Cameron to finish his sentence.  
"Uh, I'm sorry I snapped at you like that. I shouldn't have." He recalls being rude to him when being asked if he and Jude were 'gay for each other'.  
"It's fine. I get it. You were just sticking up for yourself. For him..." Cameron knows not to say his name, knowing that something bad must've eventually happened between the two.   
Connor nods, staring down at the food he should be eating.  
Looking over at Jude and Noah who now only seem to be casually talking to each other, he sneaks a quick glare before looking back at Cam.  
"Um, do you know about..."  
"Them?" He knows exactly who Connor is talking about.  
" _Oh_ yeah." He almost looks to be holding back a cringe.  
" _They're_ bad news."  
"Really...?"  
"Well, Noah isn't. He's actually pretty cool. He's...He's nice. But Jude? _Jesus_ , man, after whatever happened between you guys happened, he became a _mess_."   
"Because of _me...?"_ Connor assumes.  
"I wouldn't say _that_. What exactly _happened?_ Jude kept blaming the whole thing on you leaving but I don't believe a _word_ that comes out of that fucker's mouth."  
Connor starts to wonder why Cameron seems to resent Jude so much.  
He bellows out a sigh. "We grew distant, from each other. Not just physically. It's like he just stopped trying. Eventually, he dumped me."   
"What made you come back?"  
Connor's stomach tightens.  
"Wanna be back with my Dad a bit more. He was the reason I left in the first place; not really accepting me. But, he's changed. He's much better now."  
"That's good. You been moving on since you know who dropped you?"  
"Yeah, actually. I'm actually doing this long distance thing all over again with a guy I'm seeing from back home. Well, my Mom's." He doesn't know if he can consider that his home, anymore.  
"I _sure_ as hell won't be getting dumped, this time. Things will be different." He's sure of it.  
"Good. You deserve someone who _won't_ be an asshole to you."  
Connor chuckles. "Thanks."   
This time, it's Cameron who glares at the dreaded couple.  
"Neither does Noah." He mutters.  
Watching him give them one last glimmer, Connor raises his eyebrows.  
•••  
When Jeanette walks out with that look on her face, David knows that something terrible is going on.  
Trying to remain calm, he stands up from the couch.  
"What is it, Jeanette..."  
"I'm pregnant, David...I'm pregnant..."  
Sourness fills the air. For a moment, neither of them say anything. The next sound that's made, is David sighing wearily.  
She walks back into the bathroom, grabbing the positive pregnancy test off of the sink.  
Walking back out, she holds it in front of his face.  
On it, reads a plus.  
"You have to talk to him, Jeanette."  
"I _can't_..." She's not daring to look at him.  
"You what?"  
"I _can't_..." She's now crying again.  
"It's _his_ kid too, Jeanette."  
"He _wanted_ this!" She exclaims, almost throwing the stick onto the ground.  
"He wanted kids?"  
"He _wanted_ me to suffer. He raped me that morning, David...When Connor came back for his things for school. I wanted to talk to him the night before; to know where he was. Tried calling Adam, too, because I knew he knew where he was. But...H-he wouldn't let me. I was worried _sick_. He took my phone and slammed it on my dresser that morning, and..."  
She breaks down into tears.  
That's when David pulls her in for a hug.  
"I'm going to help you through this. If you're going to have to baby, I'll raise them as my own." He whispers softly into her hair.  
"I won't let him hurt you..."  
With a few more pants, she finds her voice again.  
"He already has..."  
David lightly grabs her cheeks, having her teary eyes look into his.  
To calm her, he kisses her passionately for many long seconds.  
She returns the gesture, wrapping her arms around him and letting him step closer.  
Little do they know that Richard is watching them.  
His revenge won't be so sweet.  
•••  
"Hey, Sam." Damien catches up with Sam, who's trying to get the hell out of the building, to head over to Erin's.  
"What's up?" She asks, turning around to the sight of him.  
"You wanna hang out with us for a bit?"  
"Uh, I'd like to, but, I can't. I'm going to check up on a friend. She's...She's sick."  
"Okay. We'll see you tomorrow, then?"  
"Yeah. Thanks." Smiling shortly, she turns away and exits the building.  
"Where are you going?" Dylan asks, witnessing her walk past him outside.  
"Erin's."  
"She talk to you?"  
"No. I'm just gonna go check on her. See what's going on." Too distracted, she doesn't even look at him.  
"Don't, Sam."  
" _Excuse_ _me?_ " She stops walking with a frown, glaring at him.  
"You're just gonna waste your time."  
"Maybe _you_ think that. But _I_ actually care about her, and want to see what's going on."  
"You saying I don't care about her?" Dylan crosses his arms, posture straightening.  
"I'll see you later." Is all Sam finishes with, returning her stroll to Erin's house.  
Now watching from a distance, Dylan glimmers.  
•••  
Sam's surprised to see that neither of Erin's parents are home; no cars in the driveway and garage unoccupied.  
Remembering the key under the mat, she retrieves it and uses it to open the door without even one knock.  
"Erin...?" She calls out, making sure to close the door and hold the key with her fist.  
"Erin..." Walking upstairs, she sees that her bedroom door is halfway open, pulling it back and stepping inside.  
There sits a scarily skinny pale Erin on her knees, on the carpet of her floor in front of her messy bed, gazing into space.  
"Sam?" She notices her. There are no glasses over her red, dilated eyes.  
"Seriously? You just skipped school to get high all day?" She criticizes with a scowl in her direction, beginning to realize that what Dylan said is true.  
"Dylan's right. You're getting out of control."  
"Just get the fuck _out_ , Sam. Don't _make me call the cops!"_ She bellows, standing up with defense.  
Sam starts to think that Erin is on more than just pot.  
" _I'll_ call the cops so maybe they can get you some _damn_ help!" She yells back.  
"Just _GET OUT SAM! GET OUT!!"_   
She cries, only able to watch her friend in sorrow.  
"I can't _believe_ this..."  
"Oh, quit being such a _baby_ about this. You should be used to this with your _MOM BEING DEAD AND ALL."_  
Those are the words that makes Sam realize there's no turning back.  
"Fuck you, Erin..." She whispers, turning back and squeezing the key in her hand with fury.  
" _Oh!"_ She laughs aloud. " _Jesus, Sam,_ you gonna go home and cry about it?"  
"No."   
' _Yes_.'   
"You know, don't even _bother_ talking to Sierra." She faces her again.  
"Ruin your _own_ life."   
Erin starts shouting at her so loud, that Sam can hear her all the way out on the porch where she's returned.   
Throwing the key back under the mat, she sprints all the way to her home in tears.   
•••  
While walking from their lockers with backpacks on their backs, Connor and Cameron are just thankful to get the day over with.  
"You wanna hang out at that basketball court they recently built for the property?"  
"Sure. I never knew they built one." Connor chuckles.  
"Cool." Cameron's going to continue speaking, but the sight of Noah has him stop in his tracks.  
"What is it...Noah? You should ask him if he wants to come." Connor gets the point, stopping as well.   
"You _know_ him?"  
"We randomly met in August when I was visiting here. It was _kind_ of awkward when I learned that he's dating my ex, but, we got the chance to talk a lot. He _is_ really nice."  
"Oh, wow." Cameron chuckles this time. He resumes his gaze on him, who's packing his things up from his locker.  
"Go ask him." Connor repeats himself.  
" _No..."_ Cam blushes.  
"Hey Noah!" Connor's intention is to be loud, and Cameron winces while grumbling gibberish towards him.  
"Hey, what's up?" Noah asks them casually, locker now closed when he's walking towards them with his packed backpack in tow.   
"You know Cameron, right?" Connor asks; Noah now in front of them.  
"Yeah. SnapBack kid." He jokes, and Cam laughs nervously.  
"Yup..."  
"Uh, we were wondering if you wanted to hang with us at the basketball court, right Cam?" Connor gives him a hard look.  
"Uhh yeah."  
"So you in?"  
"Oh, um..." Noah's eyes worriedly roam his surroundings, as if he's almost embarrassed.  
"Fuck it." He looks back at them. "Yeah."  
"Sweet. Let's go." Connor leads.  
"Cool..." Cameron's a sweaty mess, voice fragile and mesmerized, contemplating into Noah's eyes.  
Connor has to hold back a scoff.  
' _Subtle, this one.'_  
•••  
Sitting on the bench fifteen feet away from them, he snickers as he watches Cam and Noah play a teasing game of basketball with each other.   
" _Stop!"_ Noah laughs, while Cameron tries to take the ball from him. They abrupt in laughter.  
Connor laughs along, looking back at his phone.  
He texts Sam **hey beautiful how was ur day?** At the same time she texts him, **I miss u. Tell me all about your day.**   
He laughs at the coincidence, texting **OMG LMAO. Can I FaceTime u in a bit??**  
 **U don't even have to ask.** Sam sends.   
**It felt weird af without you here at school. Holy fuck I miss you.** She adds.  
 **Ehh I miss you more.  
Nope.  
YES.** Connor grins.  
 **You're a dork why are u like this.  
Because I'm crazy about you.**  
" _Connor!"_ Cameron yells, chucking the basketball at his shoulder to achieve his attention.  
" _Owe; what?!"_ He smiles, actually looking up from his phone.  
He watches the ball speedily bounce on the concrete below him, before stopping entirely and rolling towards the two other boys.  
"Quit texting your boyfriend and help me kick Cameron's ass." Noah speaks.  
"You have no idea that I'm texting my boyfriend..."  
"Yes we do. You have that look in your eyes and stupid smile on your face." Cameron teases.  
Cheeks flushing, Connor scoffs. "Screw you guys..."  
"We're sorry; are we keeping you from going back home and jerking off to him?" Noah continues.  
"None of your business." Connor teases, he and Noah guffawing.  
"Have you guys done it?" Cameron wonders, Connor's cheeks resuming to flush.  
"Once before I left."   
"Was it hot?" Asks Noah.  
"It was the first time; it can only _get_ so hot."  
"So it sucked?" Cameron grins.  
"Didn't say _that_." Connor smirks, feeling a bulge emerge in his pants.  
"Ohh it ' _sucked_ ' all right." Noah jokes, and Connor rolls his eyes while Cameron guffaws.  
"Wait. Hold up; first things first-who was who's bitch?" He asks, and Connor almost drops the device in hand.  
"Oh my _God_ , what is _wrong_ with you...?!" He's blushing even harder now.  
"Oh _shit!"_ Noah laughs. "Connor's a _bitch_ boy."   
They both laugh to the point of tears and sore stomachs at his comment, and Connor flips them both off.   
"Wait-wait-" Noah catches his breath while holding up a finger at him.  
"Did you cum?" He asks, looking back at him while wiping his tears.  
"You guys are freaking _gross_."   
Of course, the two can only laugh again smile Connor scowls.  
"Okay, fine. How about this-you and _Jude_ ever do any of that?" He sassily raises his eyebrows at Noah.   
Cameron already has a bitter look in his eyes.  
"He's too much of a prude to do any of that shit." Noah speaks as if he's in denial, refusing to look at either of them.  
"Well don't send him a dick pic unless you wanna get your ass _dumped_." Connor says with sass in his tone, briefly thinking over what happened.  
"Wait hold on- _what?_ " Cameron asks, not having any idea about that.  
"Nothing."  
" _No! Tell me!"_  
"He dumped Connor 'cause Connor's a horny shit." Noah paraphrases it, and Cameron laughs.   
"Shit, man, you sure he's gay?"  
They all laugh.  
"Did you guys really ditch class to smoke pot?" Connor asks him.  
"Yeah, but it's not like I wanted to."  
"Aw, _little Noah doesn't wanna skip class._ " Cameron teases in a childish voice, causing him to be hit.  
"It's not _that, dumbass_." He smiles, as Connor chuckles.  
"Weed just isn't really my thing anymore, I guess."  
"I thought you were the one that got him _hooked_ on that shit." Says Connor.  
" _Yeah_ , but I grew out of it. _He_ , on the other hand, might as well be a pothead now."  
"Tragic." Cameron's sarcastic, having the three of them laugh again.  
"So just _tell_ him you're not into that shit anymore." Connor advises.  
"It's not that easy..." Noah's eyes dot away from them again.   
Cameron frowns.  
The discomforting moment is interrupted by Sam texting Connor back.  
 **Yeah, I'll show you how crazy I am for you once I see your face later.**  
Connor's stomach drops in a pleasurable way, his bulge instantly returning.  
" _I_ get to see!" Noah happily exclaims, breaking out of his funk and grinning while snatching Connor's phone from him.  
" _Stop!"_ He smiles, watching him hold it as far away from him as possible and shoving it in front of Cameron's smiling face.  
"Oh, _shit, Connor!_ " He laughs, laugher growing higher. "Who knew _you_ were a bitch boy..."  
" _Enough!"_ He smiles, having no choice but to jump on Noah's back to try and reach for the phone.  
"Noah."  
Growing startled by you know who's voice, Connor instantly steps back into the ground, and spins around to the sight of the one and only Jude.  
"Hey..." Noah greets, facing Jude's direction and shoving the phone back in Connor's hand.   
Cameron doesn't even want to look anyone anymore, right now.  
"You were supposed to meet me."  
"Well, you weren't texting me, so..." Noah says his perspective of the situation.  
"Whatever. Come on."  
"I'm busy--"  
"You know what? Uhh...I think my Dad's here. I gotta get going, anyway." Connor doesn't want Jude throwing even more of a bitch fit.  
"Yeah, uh, me too..." Says Cameron.  
" _What's_ your name supposed to be?" Jude rudely asks him .  
"Cameron. And you?" Cam purposely acts like he doesn't know his name.  
" _Excuse_ me?"  
" _Cam_. Let's go..." Connor doesn't want things to get uglier.  
"Uh...I'll see you guys." Noah patiently faces them.  
"See ya." Connor says.  
"Bye Noah..."   
He flashes a small smile at Cam, before facing Jude.  
"Come on..." He glares at Connor, who frowns at him with confusion.  
' _Is he seriously freaking jealous? Christ. Give me a **break**. **Cameron's** the one that clearly can't take his eyes off him.'_  
Once they're gone, Connor watches Cameron's eyes roll into the back of his head.  
"Jesus Christ I can't _stand_ him!" He rants, the two beginning to walk towards the parking lot.  
Connor shushes him. "Keep your _voice_ down." He whispers.  
"I don't know what he _sees_ in him, ya know? _You're_ lucky you got outta _that one."_  
Connor would love to hear Cameron rant for the next ten years about how Noah deserves better and how Jude's an asshole, but every sound around him is tuned out when he sees from thirty feet away from them, that Mandy is sitting there waiting for him in her parked car.  
"You _gotta be fucking kidding me..."_  
"I _know_ , right?" Cameron thinks he's been listening all this time, and is agreeing with him.  
Connor glares at him. "Not _you_!"


	44. Outside Of The Box:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor's second day is worst than the first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter (to me), so thanks for reading. Please leave your thoughts below. I love writing this and your participation so much :)

Chapter Forty Four: Outside Of The Box:  
The ride back to Adam's house has so far taken more than ten minutes, and Connor still hasn't said a word to Mandy.  
"Connor..."  
Sitting in the passenger's seat, he stiffens his posture and crosses his arms.  
"I know you're mad at me. But I was _only_ trying to do the right thing because I care about you. I still don't understand what you mean when you say _I'm_ the reason-"  
" _After the service woman left, he hit me. And Sam. He said that if I left he would too."_ He still doesn't look at her, eyes glaring out into the windshield before him. His fists squeeze.  
"Well? _Did_ he leave?"  
"I don't _know_! My Mom said that things between them are 'dying down.' They better be. When I talk to her I'll ask about it."  
"If he's really gone then maybe you don't have to stay here for long-"  
"That's the _thing_ , Mandy. I don't know _how_ long I have to be here. He told me to 'play by his rules.' I don't know _what_ the hell that means."  
"I have to tell your Dad-"  
" _No_!" This time he does look at her.   
"If you _really_ cared about me, you _wouldn't_. I know you care about my Dad too, but, what he doesn't know won't hurt him."  
Pulling into their located development, she lets out a sigh.  
"I can only let so much happen, Connor."  
"And I know that, alright? But, it's only gone so far."  
When they arrive in the driveway of the home, he undoes his seatbelt, and grabs his backpack off the car floor.  
"I gotta talk to Sammy."  
He leaves the car, for Mandy to sulk out the windshield with a dreaded sigh.  
Like said, she can only let so many things be taken so far.  
•••  
When Sam's face pops on on Connor's laptop screen, he's all smiles while sitting kneed on the floor in front of his closet.   
"How was your day?!" He beams.  
"Alright. Pretty boring without you there." Sitting on her own bed, she smirks at him.  
Connor chuckles. "Touché."  
"Erin wasn't there, so, uh..." She trails off, trying not to think of the recent event that happened with her.  
Connor gets a feeling that something's wrong, but knows not to pry yet.  
"I sat with those guys, Damien Andy and Robert. They're cool."  
"You're _friends_ with the guys who wanted to beat me up?"  
"To be fair, they _did_ help us."  
Connor gives another chuckle. "True, true. Let's just hope they don't influence you to beat anyone up."  
Sam giggles. "Nah. They're actually like, kinda normal. Andy likes legos."  
Connor snickers. "Well if you ever piss him off make sure he doesn't put one in your path."  
The comment makes Sam laugh.  
"No Colin though, right?"  
"Oh _no_. They resent him now. Talked shit about him at lunch."  
"Interesting." Connor scoffs.   
"How was your day?"   
"Oh _Jesus_. One day back at my old school and it's already a _mess_."  
"Oh _shit_! I _totally_ forgot you're back at your _old_ school, Connor; did you see you know who?"  
"Yup. He's still with Noah."  
"You talk to him? Aren't you guys tight?"  
"Yeah. That's the problem, though. Jude's jealous of me getting in his way, or some shit. It's fucking _annoying_."  
" _Yikes_." Sam mutters, rolling his eyes.   
"Noah and I hung out with this other kid Cameron, who _so obviously_ has a crush on him. So if Jude's gotta worry about anyone, it's _him_."  
"It would be a _shame_ if they ended up together." Sam jokes, smirking with an evil look in her eyes.  
Connor laughs. "I knew Cameron from the beach, last year. I didn't make a great first impression."  
"What'd you do?" Sam teases.  
"It was when Jude and I first got together. People were finding out, and he walked up to us at the beach. When he simply asked if we were gay for each other, I told him to get out of my face or some shit." He explains.  
" _Geez_ , Connor, Jude made you such a _dick_." Sam jokes, having the both of them laugh.  
Connor grins.  
"So Noah and Cameron-you think they'll hook up?" Sam asks.  
"Don't know. It's strange, though. Jude and Noah's 'relationship'...It's so weird."  
"Weird how? They still getting stoned?"  
"I guess. Noah says he doesn't want to anymore, but I think he's scared to tell Jude. Jude seems a little..."  
"Controlling?"  
"Possessive, yeah."   
"Jesus..." Sam whispers. "Sure you don't want me to get down there to add to the drama?" She smiles.  
Connor giggles. "Please. I _miss_ you."  
"I miss you too..." Sam smiles. "A lot." She chuckles.  
Connor's smile doesn't dare disappear.   
"When can I see your beautiful face in person?" He asks.  
Sam almost snorts at the compliment. "Soon, I hope. It felt spooky without you here."  
"Well where was Erin?" Connor reminds himself to ask.  
Sam's throat latches. "Uh...She was at her place getting stoned."  
" _Jesus_. Really...?" Connor let's out a short exasperated exhale.  
"Yup...I went over there. She looked...Damaged. I've...Never seen her so furious. I..." Their voice shrinks. "I think she was on more than just...Pot."  
"What do you mean?" Connor's trying not to tremble.  
"I remember this with my Mom. She would take drugs that made her mad. Like, _literally_ mad. Angry. She would lose her temper..." Sam's eyes shrink along with her voice by the second.  
" _Shit_..." Connor whispers, taking out his phone.  
"Hold on."   
He looks up a list of drugs that increase your temper, hesitantly reading them aloud to Sam.  
"Cocaine...Crack cocaine...Methamphetamine...Methadrone, methylone...spice, which is synthetic marijuana--"  
"Alright." Sam impatiently cuts him off, tears pouring out of her eyes. She shields her face, wiping them away.  
"Aw, _Sammy_..." Connor puts down his phone, hoping to God that she'll stop crying. His heart heavily sinks down in his chest.  
"I'm sorry, I just...Don't want to see her like this. If I can get better with the pills, she should be able to get better with this...You know?"  
"But those are two different things, Sammy. You're _two_ different people." Connor knows that it's different for everyone.  
She only cries harder.  
Trying not to cry himself, Connor acts as if he's wiping the tears off her face, causing her to confusingly look up at him.   
"Are you _pretending_ to wipe my tears?"  
"What. No." He sets his fingers down.  
"Yes you _are_! You're such a _dork_!" She smiles, erupting into loud laugher with him.  
She wipes most of the tears away.  
"Thank you, though. For being here..."  
"Of course. If you want me to, I can reach out to Erin. Try to talk some sense into her."  
"Okay...Thanks."  
"Does Sierra have anything to do with this?"  
"I don't think so, not anymore, and that's what makes it even _scarier_. Dylan's telling me to stay out of it, but...I don't want to..."  
Connor pretends to brush her cheek.  
"Please stop that."  
"Sorry..." They both giggle.  
"Have you talked to your Mom at all?" She decides to ask him.  
"Not yet. She hasn't talked to me. Maybe she's happy I'm gone..." He considers.  
"Connor that is _not_ true. She didn't want you to go."  
"So maybe she's bitter that I left."  
"She is _not_. She's just busy. Give her a call later."  
Connor nods, uncomfortably breaking eye contact and shifting around the insides of his mouth.  
"Are you gonna sign up for their football program?"   
He returns his gaze on her. "Can't. All the spots are filled."  
"Isn't that why you told your Mom you were leaving in the first place?"  
"That, and academics."  
"Well if not football, maybe some other sport. Any other sports your good at?"  
"I played baseball for a while. But it's not something I'd really like to pursue in. I'll figure it out."  
"And you do know that means you're probably gonna have to start studying harder, too?" Sam teases.  
"I'd rather study you."   
They both grin.  
•••  
At the dinner table later that evening, Connor has composed a text to Erin.  
 **Hey Erin. It's Connor. Sam's really worried about you. He's scared you're doing heavy drugs, and if you are, we're all here to support you. I miss you. She does too. Love ya.**  
Mandy stops his thumb from pressing the send button, by saying his name. She stands near the other side of the room, hands on her hips.  
"Sorry." He whispers, looking up and about to set his phone down, thinking that's the problem.  
"It's not that. Where'd you get those bruises?"   
They're fading away from his body, but are still slightly noticeable.   
Glaring, he knows what she's up to.  
Adam, who's washing a stack of dishes at the sink, looks over at them.  
"Uh...Kids from school. That's what I told my Dad."   
"Alright..." She shows suspicion in her tone, knowing what really happened.  
"You doing okay?" Adam asks him.  
"Yeah...I'm fine."  
He looks back down at the phone, sending the text.  
•••  
While Connor's back in his room, Adam gets a call from Jeanette.  
"Hey. You wanna talk to him?" He wonders, still standing before the sink in the kitchen.  
"Um...I actually just wanna talk to you, Adam..."  
He can sense the cautiousness in her tone.  
"You okay?"  
"Just...Keep him safe, Adam. Please. Don't let _anything_ happen to him...Promise me."  
"You miss him. I know. You'll see him again, and until then I can promise you he'll be safe and sound-"  
" _Just_ \-- _please_. Please. Thank you, Adam...I-I gotta go." Her voice sounds faint, now.  
"Jeanette--"  
The call ends.  
He sighs, taking away the phone from his ear and setting it down.  
"Everything okay?" Asks Mandy, who's now sitting at the table.   
"Yeah, uh...I'm just gonna check on Connor."  
•••  
Connor announces him to enter, after the bedroom door is knocked on.  
"Hey, bud."  
"Hey." He looks up from the middle of his text conversation with Sam, sitting leg crossed on his bed.  
"You talk to your Mom yet?"  
"Not yet. Was just about to text her."  
"Okay. I just talked to her and she'd really like to see you soon."  
"Yeah, that'd uh be great."  
"Good." He walks further into the room.  
"And, uh, if anyone's giving you trouble at school, you can tell me, okay?" He thinks that since 'kids beat him up at his old school', then kids will give him a hard time here as well.  
"Okay, Dad. Thanks." He forces a smile.  
"Want me to wrap that stuff up for ya? Not hungry yet?" Adam asks him.  
"Nah. I'll eat something later."   
"Texting Sam?"  
"Uh-huh."  
"Nothing you wouldn't want me seeing, right?"  
"Leave, Dad."  
"I'll take that as a yes, then?"   
" _No_ , Dad. _Please_ just leave."  
He rolls his eyes with a small smile, while Adam closes the door with a laugh.  
He resumes typing his message to Sam.  
 **I'd strip you and then** -  
His phone vibrates, the text not being another from Sam, nor from his mother.  
 **Just leave me the fuck alone Connor. You don't know goddamn shit about what's going on you're two goddamn cities away. Never fucking talk to me again.**  
He reads the texts over and over again so many times in a frenzy that his vision blurs, a headache ensuing.  
Let's just say he's not in the mood to sext anymore.  
•••  
September 2nd:  
Connor's just glad that after today, he won't have to come back here for another two days.  
He slowly approaches Noah standing at his locker with his hands folded and nervously looking down at the floor.  
"Hey." Connor greets, getting his attention.  
The other boy flinches at his presence, eyes widening with fear. He worriedly looks around, prior to staring back at him.  
"I gotta go..."   
Before Connor can even try to process everything, Noah's gone.   
Now he's standing with Cameron, who's suddenly walked up by his side.  
"What's _his_ deal?" He asks.  
"No idea..." Connor mutters.  
•••  
While Sam's walking down her school hallway, the last person she would've expected to run into at the moment was Sierra.  
Specifically, Sierra crying outside of the girls' bathroom while squeezing a bunch of crumpled tissues in her hands.   
"Sierra...?"  
"Hey." Is all she says, wiping her tears with the tissues and sniffling her nose.  
"Why are you crying..."   
"I...I need help, Sam..."  
"What-you owe someone money or something?" She assumes it's that sort of problem.  
" _No_. I-I _need_ help. I...I did something _so_ stupid last night...I did coke." She wishes she didn't have to say the words.  
Sam doesn't exactly know the best way to respond to this.  
"Oh, well-"  
"And the worst part is that I let _Erin_ convince me to do it. When the effects wore off I felt so guilty that I kept trying to tell her that she's not good for me b-but she just screamed at me...I don't know what to do." She breaks down in tears again.  
"Hey. _Hey_." Sam gets them to look at her.   
" _Don't_ worry about Erin, right now. You, focus on you. And the help that you know you need. You're not the bad guy in this situation, Sierra. Erin is." She'd never thought she'd have to mean those words.  
"You really think so...?" She croaks out, after going over it in her mind.  
" _Yes_. Talk to your parents. Anyone that'll get you into some sort of A.A, therapy group- _something_." She knows what addiction did to her mother, and she won't there let it end up the same way for anyone else.  
"I think I should go stay somewhere...Rehab, or something." She resumes crying while admitting to the drastic notions.   
"Alright...If that's what you need to do, then do it."  
"Thank you, Sammy..." She unexpectedly gives her a tight hug, while even letting some of her tears drip into their hair.  
•••  
When lunchtime comes around, Connor gets the feeling that Noah's purposely avoiding him.   
"Hey." He corners him in front of the condiments table.  
"Um, I-"  
" _Why_ are you avoiding us? _Talk_ , Noah." Connor crosses his arms, refusing to play games.  
"I, uh--Jude said I can't hang out with you guys anymore."  
" _Bullshit_!" Unable to believe what he's hearing, Connor's clenched fists shake, forehead vein popping out.  
That one word has the entire room go silent. Little did they know that Jude was standing twenty feet behind them, and Cameron just fifteen feet next to him.   
"Oh shit..." Noah whispers, witnessing Cameron huff and puff in Jude's direction.   
With the blink of an eye, he's furiously lurching towards him.  
" _Fuck_!" Connor exclaims, having no preparation for what's about to happen.  
They watch in utter shock and anxiety, as Jude and Cameron practically beat each other to the point of unconsciousness, in a matter of under one minute.  
"Are you fucking _kidding me?!"_ Cameron shouts with a few dots of spit landing on Jude's face, specifically the bloody bruises sitting on his cheeks.  
"Oh _quit being such a fucking pussy!"_ Jude screams, forcing Cameron's hands off his shoulders from holding him down. Sitting up, he resumes the fight.  
" _Stop! STOP_!" Noah shouts at the top of his lungs, feeling as if the four walls are slowly closing in on him.  
It's only gonna get worse before it can even possibly get better.   
•••  
" _What the FUCK, CAMERON?! What the fuck is WRONG WITH YOU?! Do you not know what you just goddam did?!?_ " Noah screeches to him inside the principle's office, Connor having to hold him back from attacking Cam who's sitting in one of the simple blue chairs against the wall, with an ice pack to his right cheek.   
"Okay! _Okay!"_ Yells Con', pulling him away completely and letting go.   
"What was I ' _doing_ '?! Beating the _fuck_ out of your _controlling ass boyfriend."_ Cameron snaps.   
"Fuck you, Cameron."  
"Fuck _you_ , Noah!"   
"Both of you shut the fuck up!" Connor grows hot headed.  
"Cameron?" Lena Adams Foster, the vice principle asks him, walking over to the three boys.   
"What's my punishment. Just tell me..."  
Connor harshly bites down on his bottom lip, trying to pretend that he's not standing in front of his ex boyfriend's Mom with that said ex's new boyfriend and the kid that just beat him up.  
"For beating my son? Let's see..."  
Cam's eyes shrink. "Uh.....I wouldn't have done that if I knew he was your son..."  
"Yes you would've." Noah whispers sharply.  
"Shut up..." He whispers back.  
"I'm suspending you and Jude for the rest of the day, and from Monday to Friday the next school week."   
"Alright..." He's hesitant.  
"You can suspend your own son?" Noah blurts, and Connor elbows him.  
" _Owe_."  
"Yes..." She observes Connor, who gulps and anxiously shifts his body back and forth.  
"Where is he?" Noah asks.  
"At the nurse's office. My wife is picking him up."  
"How is she?" Connor now wants to maim himself for blurting out a conversation stater. Noah and Cameron both awkwardly stare at him.  
"She's good. How's your Dad, Connor?"  
"Uhhh...Good, thank you..." His voice shrinks.  
"I'm gonna wait for my Mom outside...Uh, sorry Mrs. Adams Foster." Cameron knows he should be apologizing to Jude, but would rather play in traffic than do that.  
After giving Noah a long look before exiting, Noah considers he should leave too.  
"Uh, I'm gonna check on Jude."   
Connor tries his best not to give him a dirty look.  
Now it's just him and Lena.  
"Umm...I just wanted to let you know that I never told Cameron to go after him, or anything. It-it was all happening so fast--"  
"I understand, Connor. I know. You're a good kid."  
" _Really_...? Thank you." He's shocked yet flattered.  
"It's nice to have you home."   
He forces a smile. "Thanks...It's nice to see you again, ma'am."   
"No matter how different things may get, you can always call me Lena."  
This time, his smile is more real than ever.  
•••  
While trying to walk peacefully to his first class after lunch, Connor of course just has to witness the argument that Noah and Jude are participating in.  
"Why are you _getting_ like this?! It's _one_ week, Jude, chill the hell out. We'll probably see each other this weekend."  
"It's not _about_ that. It's about you spending five days a week with them all day at this _goddamn school-"_  
"Oh my _God!_ You're fucking _ridiculous_ -he has _nothing to do with this._ You wanna worry about someone, Jude?! Worry about goddam _Cameron_. _He's_ the one that actually tried  _protecting_ me. Unlike _you_."  
Getting the last word, Noah stomps past Connor, and into his assigned classroom.   
Standing across the hall from each other, Connor and Jude only stare each other down.  
"Tell fuck-face to never come near me again."  
"Are you talking about Cameron? Or _Noah_." Connor purposely acts blunt.  
"Grow up, Jude. You might wanna start treating Noah with some respect." He finishes, before Stef walks out next to Jude.  
"Let's go. _Now_." She instructs to him.  
Giving Connor one last scowl, he goes stomping off.  
"I'm sorry about this, Connor. Jude's just not in his best place right now."   
Connor's baffled-again-that she's even acknowledging him.  
"Uh, yeah...Don't worry about it..."  
"Mom." Surprise of all surprises, Jude's sixteen year-old sister Mariana comes jogging up to her.  
"Can I ride home with you guys? I finished all my homework for the day."   
"Sure, I suppose."  
"Oh, hey Connor!" Everyone else in that family is acting like nothing even freaking changed.  
"Hi..."  
"You sure you'll be okay?" Stef asks him.  
"Yeah...Thanks..."  
Marina gives a quick wave, before she and her mother walk off.  
Once they're out of earshot, Connor squints at his feet.  
" _Jesus_." He mutters, hastily taking off to class.  
•••  
"I'm telling you it's _real_." Damien tries to convince Robert about the gory picture on his phone after lass period in the hallway, with Sam and Andy surrounding them.  
"It is _not_! The guy could _not_ have not survived that fall if he lost that much blood."  
"Well he _did._ I'll _show_ you the _video_. Guys, will you _please_ tell Robert that this is _real_." Damien looks to Sam and Andy for support.  
Before either of them can speak, Colin awkwardly approaches them.  
"Hey..."  
The boys instantly look like they're about to pounce at him.  
" _What_ , Colin..." Andy asks.  
"Uh-" he looks directly at Damien. "I think I left my jacket at your house, so-"  
"Your _leather_ one? I'll put it in your locker on Monday."  
"But can't I just-"  
" _No_." Robert interrupts.  
"Get out of here, will ya? We don't _talk to rapists."_ Andy finishes shrilly.  
The female teacher walking in their direction, almost trips over her black high heels.  
She stares at the four of them in awe, mouth dropped open.   
"Uhhh...He's just joking..." Sam claims.  
She only sighs, and struts herself away with each clack on the tiled floor.  
"I should go too..." Colin gets the hint, now doing so.   
"Shit." Robert checks his phone. "My Mom's here. She's giving Andy a ride."  
He looks at Sam and Damien. "You guys want one?"  
"Uh, I'll be fine." Sam answers.  
"Me too." Damien looks at Sam. "Wanna come over or something?"  
"Sure."   
Andy and Robert walk out of their sights, leaving the two left alone to look at each other.  
"You know Colin didn't actually rape me, right?"  
"He's still an assaulter, Sam. We must avoid the assaulters."  
"Okay..."   
•••  
Connor can only watch with his arms wrapped around his knees on the same bench he sat on yesterday, while Noah angrily plays a game of basketball with himself.  
He makes three angry three pointers, but by the fourth time, the ball bounces off the backboard and bounces all the way into a nearby bush.  
" _Fuck_!" He yells.  
"Will you _calm_ down? It's not the end of the world." Connor criticizes.  
Noah sighs dramatically, looking back at him with a sweaty face and rabid eyes.  
"Sorry..." He walks over and sits next to Con'.  
"I'm just pissed about what happened today. I...I just never knew Jude could get so violent."  
"What are you saying..."  
"Nothing." Noah forces a head shake, looking in a different direction.  
"At least it's only five days. I'm gonna miss him. Cam."  
"And not Jude, your boyfriend?" Connor raises his eyebrows at him.  
"Yeah. Him too..." Noah's officially distracted.  
"Your _abusive_ boyfriend." Connor mutters, looking as far away as he can.  
"What?"  
"Nothing..."   
Again, Noah releases a sigh. "Maybe I _should_ get high again. I mean--the only reason I smoked it in the first place is because I have really bad anxiety--well not so much anymore I guess-and I gave some to Jude because I wanted to look cool a-and I guess I just didn't expect him to end up this way--"  
"Noah. _Noah_. Breathe. Alright? _Breathe_."  
"I hate when people tell me that. I _am_ breathing."  
The two chuckle, looking in opposite directions.  
"You don't need weed to help you all the _time_ , Noah. You seemed to taking out your anger on that basketball. Go ahead and try that again." Con' suggests.  
With a firm nod, Noah gets up and retrieves it out of the bush it landed in.  
Connor observes his actions slowly, while he repeatedly makes various shots and dribbles the ball across the court.  
' _Any other sports you good at?'_ Sammy's words replay in his head.  
If Jeanette finds out he's not playing football, Connor's going to have to participate in a different sport.  
"Hey, uh...Can I try?"   
"Yeah." Noah turns around and chucks the ball into his hands. The contact is made so fast, that Connor flinches.  
He stands up and slowly walks five feet before the net.  
When he makes his shot, the ball roughly lurches off the backboard and aims in both of the boys direction.  
" _Shit_!" Noah yells, the two of them dodging away while the ball rolls off of the court entirely.  
Breathing heavily, the two cautiously look back at each other.  
"You suck at this, man."  
"Shut up."  
•••  
In Damien's room, he lays sprawled out on his bed, watching Sam on the carpeted floor near his TV playing a car crashing video game.   
"Don't you think you guys were a little cruel to Colin earlier? He seems sorry for what he did..." Sam speaks steadily, her eyes glued to screen while trying to play the game at the same time.  
"If he was sorry, he would've apologized to you personally."  
"Well, to be fair Connor _did_ make him apologize to me while he was beating him."   
" _Sweet_. But, he was surely being forced to. I guess he's closeted or something. But, why would he wanna rape _you_? That came out wrong. Heh-get it? But anyways what I meant is that why was he specifically trying to target _you_?"  
"Uh...We may have...Gotten together a few times, a while back..." Sam tries her best to focus on the game.  
" _What_?!" Damien yells so loud, that Sam's car crashes grotesquely.  
" _Idiot_ ; you made me _lose_!" She yells, turning around and scowling while throwing down the controller.  
"Who _cares_?! You and Colin _did it?!"_  
"We didn't 'do it.' It was before Connor and I started dating. It was just a few times. He wanted to go all the way but I wasn't ready yet, so we just...Stopped."   
"Holy _shit_! What _else_ do I not know about?!" Damien's bewildered, sitting on his knees next to Sam and looking at her fascinatingly.   
"Lots of stuff, actually. Um, hey; you seem trustworthy. Can I tell you something kinda odd?" She figures he could know about the gender thing; feeling confident but terrified altogether.  
"Yeah. What's up?"   
"Uh..."  
"What are you, a stripper?"  
When their laughter dies down, intensity replaces the good mood.   
"Um...I'm like, bigender."  
"What's that mean?"  
"It's like...I'm sometimes a boy...But sometimes I'm a girl..." She feels as if the room is spinning, heart pounding with worry. She's so nauseated that she can't move.  
"Oh, well, are you a boy or a girl right now?" He takes the news casually.  
"Umm...Girl." Her cheeks are flushed. "But it's been like this for a few days. Sometimes I get scared I'll be like this forever..."  
"If you are, then that's fine. If you're a girl then you're a girl."  
"But I don't want to be a girl. At least not forever. I want to be a boy again."  
"You will be...Just give it time."  
Not wanting to show her worry, she gazes at the TV screen.  
"You know..." He starts, wanting to make her feel better.   
When she looks back at him, he continues.  
"You're the first girl I've ever had up here."   
She laughs out of flattery and nervousness, her tears humorous and overjoyed.   
Getting it together, she finally looks back up at him and asks if he wants to start a new game.  
"Yeah. Bring it on."  
"Scared you'll lose to a chick?"   
While retrieving the controllers, their cackles get in the way of trying to start a new game at the same time.  
•••  
"So where is Colin's jacket?" Sam wonders while they're in the middle of another multiplayer game, now laying on the floor beside each other.  
"In the closet. Like he is. Haha."  
" _Wowww_ I'm pissing myself laughing- _shit_!" Sam whispers the curse, lurching the control sideways and avoiding death in the game.  
"Idiot."  
"Shut up. Why the hell is the jacket in your _closet_? That's creepy, man. You sure you don't keep it with you on purpose and sleep next to it at night?" They don't look at each other.  
" _No_. I'm just not giving it back to that fuck-wad."  
"You probably sniff it."  
" _Shut up,_ bitch; I do _not_."  
"Oh, wait, I get it now; you jerk off on it and let your cum leak into the pockets. Then you zip them up and put the jacket in the freezer, waiting for the cum to freeze-" Sam's already laughing so hard that she's staring at the ceiling, not caring that she's instantly lost the game.  
"What's the _matter with you!"_ Damien laughs, pausing the game and chucking her shoulder with the controller.  
" _Owe_! You can't hit a girl." She smiles, sitting it up.  
"Well whenever you're a boy again I'll kick your ass."  
"Aw, classy." Sam teases just as her phone buzzes next to her. She reaches for it, reading Connor's text.  
 **Holy shit Sam when we FaceTime later you gotta hear this shit.**  
"Oh, fuck." She whispers, knowing more drama with Jude must've happened.   
" _That_ sure sounds like a sext." Damien comments.  
"Hold on." Sam's about the type back.  
"Nah." Damien snatches her phone.  
"Give it _back, shit face!"_ She instantly lunges for him jumping backwards across the floor, phone still in his hand.  
It takes Sam almost five minute to get her phone back.  
•••  
" _Sam! Your brother's here!"_ Damien yells from downstairs about an hour later, while Sam's packing her things upstairs.  
"Okay...! Be there in a minute...!" She can't help but eye his closed closet doors.  
Flinging them open, her eyes go down to the black leather jacket scattered on the floor, that Damien had mentioned earlier.  
" _Sam!"  
"Hold on!"_   
Stuffing the clothing into the backpack and zipping it closed, Sam makes sure to close the closet doors on the way out.  
•••  
While Dylan drives her back home, she stares at him from the passenger's seat.  
"You know that kid Colin?"  
"That kid you made out with, like, seventeen times?"  
"You _tutored_ him. You did work at his place, right? I need his address."  
"Why? So you can make out with him for the eighteenth time?"  
She glares at him.  
•••  
Standing on the front porch and knocking on Colin's door, the jacket draped around her left shoulder.  
"Sam...?" He's surprised to see her, standing in their doorway instead of stepping out on the porch.  
"Yeah, hey. Uh, Damien said you could have your jacket back." She fibs. "So, here."  
She tosses it to him.  
"Oh. Thanks..." He smiles.  
"Yeah. Uh, I'm sorry they're being so mean to you. They're just trying to defend me."  
"Yeah, I get it. I _really_ am sorry though. I _never_ would've tried that shit if I wasn't wasted. Your boyfriend had _every_ right to beat the shit out of me."  
Sam chuckles. "I tried to stop him."  
Colin nods.   
"But I forgive you now. You were horny and drunk. I know that's not an excuse, but..."   
Embarrassed for what's about to be revealed, Colin waits to speak.   
"I think it was more than that, though..."  
"What?" Sam doesn't understand.  
It starts before she can let it stop.  
He deeply kisses her across the lips. Squeezing onto her shoulders, Sam has no choice but to let it go on for four seconds.  
"Uhhh..." She's practically paralyzed when it's over, vision spinning while trying to stare into his guilt stricken eyes.  
"Well you're welcome bye..."   
She slams the door in his face.


	45. Natural Disasters:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin gives Sam a hurdle.

Chapter Forty Five: Natural Disasters:  
Just because the couple didn't see each other that weekend, doesn't mean they don't have plans to see each other the one following after.  
Except the week in-between couldn't be moving anymore slower.   
Sam didn't tell Connor about the kiss Colin left her at his doorstep.   
Connor didn't tell Sam about the text response that Erin had sent him.  
There's always a better time.  
September 5th:  
"Hey, Sam. Sorry I couldn't talk all weekend. My Dad took me on a fishing trip. You still a chick?"  
"Yeah, but I'll be turning into a rooster soon."  
She and Damien both chuckle with their cellphones to their ears, Damien on his bed and Sam pacing around her room.  
"So, what were you up to this weekend; fingering yourself to the oovoo convo you and your boyfriend were having?"  
"First off, one cannot particularly 'finger' their dick. And second off, who the _hell_ uses oovoo anymore. So, in conclusion: _no_ , pervert." She stops walking against her clothes dresser.  
"I never said you were fingering your _dick_."   
"Do you know _how_ much lube I'd need to not get my own finger stuck up my ass?"  
"C'mon; Connor hasn't stuck it in you yet?"  
"It's kinda the other way around."  
"Lies. You're the _definition_ of a twink."   
"And you know all these gay terms, how?" Sam smirks.  
"Fuck you." Damien laughs.  
When the laughter dies down, Sam's tension rises up.  
"Can I tell you something...?"  
"Yeah. What's up." Damien sets his feet onto the floor, preparing to stand up.  
"I went to give Colin his jacket back and he kissed me."   
This causes Damien to trip and fall hard onto his floor with a yelp, in the process of one move.  
"You _what?!_ He _what?!"_   
" _Chill_!" Sam screams, while Damien struggles to stand up properly.  
"It-it had no affect on me at _all_. It was _weird_ , man-"  
"' _Weird'?!_ Why would you even go _see_ him?!"  
"I felt _bad-!"_   
"Rule number one-you _never_ feel bad for Colin Hamilton! _Dammit_ Sam. Do you know how much strange _shit_ we're in now?!" Damien yells overwhelmingly, just as there's a knock on the Montgomery's front door.  
Perking up and looking over at their own closed door, Sam instantly tunes him out.  
She listens carefully as either Ken or Dylan's footsteps make their way over, and carefully open the front door.  
She jogs over and opens the bedroom door to get a better hear.  
"Sierra...?" Asks Dylan.  
"Sam? _Sam!_ Are you even _listening?_ " Damien demands.  
"I gotta go..."  
" _Don't_ you hang up! _Sam-!"_  
But she does.  
Running all the way downstairs, both Sierra and Dylan who stand behind the now closed front door, anxiously look over at her. There's a pregnant pause throughout the air, and a bad taste in everyone's mouth.  
"Are you okay...?" Sam finally asks her.   
Dylan looks over at her with hurt puzzlement.  
"What's going on..."  
"Listen, guys..." She starts. "Uh...I'm gonna be going away for a little while. Getting help."  
Sam's stomach drops with relief.  
Dylan nods carefully but hesitantly. "Good...Uh, where'l you be going?"  
"It's a thirty day treatment center, and...I think I need it..."   
She begins to cry, and Dylan gently touches her shoulder.   
"You're doing the right thing, Sierra..."   
"Thanks." She sniffles, getting rid of her tears.   
First she hugs Dylan, then she hugs Sam.  
"Thank you both." She whispers.   
Sam can only turn away to hide her tears, before whispering a quick you're welcome and hastily returning back to her room.  
Once the door is closed again, her tears fall onto her cheeks along with her knees onto the ground.  
She drops the phone that she still held in her hand, cries only turning harder and louder.  
While she's relieved to no end that Sierra's getting help, she still wishes she could say the same for Erin.  
She wishes she could've said the same for her own Mom.  
Opening the door back up and peaking her head out below the staircase, she witnesses Dylan and Sierra sharing a kiss.  
•••  
Sam's not in the mood for Damien's attitude, not even within five minutes after arriving at school.  
"Hello traitor." He greets.  
" _You're_ a traitor!" She instantly yells back, scowling intently.  
" _You're_ a traitor."  
" _You are._ "  
Meanwhile, Andy and Robert aren't in the mood for their bickering, either.  
"Will you morons shut up?" Asks Andy, he and Robert walking up to the both of them.   
"Whatever you're arguing about just get over it so we can talk about how the guy _didn't_ survive that fall." Robert glares right at Damien.  
" _Yes_ he did; I _have_ the video!"   
Sam and Andy both roll their eyes.   
Her attention is instantly grabbed away from them when she sees Erin stomping past them, and down the hallway.  
" _Hey_!" She yells out, angrily stomping behind her.  
"Oh shit." Andy whispers.   
"So you're back, huh?" Sam asks nastily, having Erin stop in her tracks.  
"I'm not here for you." She snaps, spinning around with dilated eyes and even skinnier figure.  
"Who, then. Huh? Your _dealer_?" She doesn't care if she's getting on her bad side.  
"Fuck off."  
"Why didn't you ever _respond_ to Connor when he reached out to you?" She knows that Connor kept his word.  
"I _did_. Told him to go _fuck himself."_  
"You're a _mess_ , Erin. Get some fucking _help_."  
"You _first_! Huh-with-with your fucking... _Panic attacks_ and shit."  
"You know _damn well_ that I'm getting better with that."  
"With those fucking _pills_ that you're addicted to?"  
This sends Sam over the edge.   
"Who the hell are you looking for? _Sierra_? 'Cause she's told me that you've been treating her like _shit_. And guess where she's off to? To get some _help_."   
"Bullshit you _made_ her go away!"   
"No _you_ made her go away, Erin! You _worsened_ her addiction!"  
In fury, Erin shoves her only a few inches back, causing Damien to gasp.  
"You know it's sad how much you remind me of my mother..." Sam dreadfully let's out to her, face heating up and heart dropping.  
Erin fumes. Her eyes light a fire, fists shaking and chest heaving.  
"You all know Sam thinks he's a fucking _girl_ , right?!" Erin scarcely asks Damien, Andy and Robert.  
The two who didn't know, look at her with widened eyes.  
Before she can react, Erin's raising her voice.  
" _SAM'S SOME SORT OF FUCKING TRANNY!"_  
Everyone's brought their attention.  
All eyes are already on Sam, who feels as if she's going to faint.  
Everyone's talking. There's laughs, and points, and even some yelling.  
With a mouthed 'You're fucking welcome', Erin walks off before anyone can catch her.  
"Sam..." Damien starts, watching her tremble as a deer in the headlights.  
"Sam. Hey it's-" Andy tries poking her, causing her to jump and stop her movements.  
"Nobody touch me..." She's a mess of tears.  
Feeling everyone else's eyes continuing to stare her down, she decides she should be the first one to class after all.  
•••  
While Connor may have been anxiously expecting Sam to call him all morning, he wasn't prepared for him to call him in the middle of first period.  
The entire rest of the class glares over at him, when the ringtone starts blaring off from inside his pocket.  
"Uh sorry I'll be just a second--" Connor doesn't even bother to check the caller ID yet.  
" _Mr. Stevens-"_ The female teacher strictly instructs.  
"I'm sorry, just-" he interrupts himself by closing the door shut, and stumbling into the empty hallway.  
"Hey. Sammy?" He answers before the phone is up to his ear.  
"Hi..."  
"What's wrong." He know has a better hear of her, not liking the shattered sound of her tone.  
"She told."  
"Who told what? Who told _what_ , Sammy..." He knows this news can't be good.  
"Erin told everyone about the-the thing the gender thing! _Everyone_!"   
" _What?!_ " He's appalled, clenching the toes inside his socks.  
"Everyone knows what do I do Connor I-I-I-felt like everyone was staring at me in class because it was true so I'm in the bathroom but not the girls' bathroom because God only knows what'll   happen--"  
"Sammy. Please. _Please_ take a breath. I'm right here. I'm _right_ here with you..." Connor is now crying tears of devastation and hatred.  
"No you're _not_! I know you're not that far away but right now it _feels_ like you are-" She starts rambling out of extreme anxiety again.  
"I still got you. I'm...I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you, you hear...?" Connor doesn't care if she can tell that he's crying.  
"I swear to God if _anyone_ tries anything I'll go _all_ the way down there and-"  
"I'll be fine...I-" She cries again. "Damien, h-he doesn't care. So at least he's here. His friends seem cool with it too..."  
"That's what I want to tell you. Not _everyone_ is going to be against you, Sammy. You are _not_ alone. Now I might have no idea what it's like to struggle with something like that, but...You're not alone. There _are_ others."  
After a few more sniffles and noticeable cries, she speaks.  
"I love you, Connor."  
"I love you more. I love you so fucking much. Erin; this isn't her. It's the drugs. I probably shouldn't be saying this but right now she is a _cold hearted bitch._ Her response to my text was just a bunch of nonsense."  
Nodding, Sam contemplates on whether she should exit the handicapped stall or not.  
"I agree..." She stifles a laugh.  
Connor smiles, glad to hear her laugh.  
"I'm sorry I-I shouldn't have called you in the middle of class-"  
"Don't apologize. If you need me at any time, I'm here. I love you."  
"I love you too..." Sam let's herself smile.  
Connor smirks. "Do you want me stay on, because I will gladly volunteer to continue hearing your voice."  
Sam giggles. "It's alright. I should get back to class. I don't want anyone thinking I'm more of a pussy than I already am."  
"You are _not_. If anything you're _brave_. The bravest person I know."   
She laughs in disbelief.  
"And Sammy? I don't care what's between your legs. Right now, you're a girl. A pretty fuckin' gorgeous one."  
Not knowing how to accept this shower of compliments, Sam can only let her cheeks flush.  
"I love you, Connor. I'll see you soon."  
"Love you. Talk later, Sammy."  
The second he hangs up, bitterness overtakes him.  
With a clenched jaw, he pounds Erin's number into the phone.   
His right foot taps furiously on the floor, hearing the line ring over and over.  
Voicemail.  
Beep.  
"Hey, Erin. I don't know what your deal is, but don't take your _sad sob story lifetime movie drug addiction_ out on my _goddamn girlfriend._ You sick, twisted, _RAGING CUNT!"_  
Sweating and breathing heavily, he forces himself to hang up before his temper gets the best of him.  
Dropping the phone on the floor, tears leave his eyes and sobs his mouth.  
Everything is either blurry or coated with red spots.  
If only someone would've told him last year where he'd be in three hundred sixty five days...  
He'd sure be damned.   
This is his breaking point. Feeling stuck in one place in a time that stands still, he figures he might as well just let him drown in his eventual pile of tears and sweat.  
This was Sammy, just a few minutes ago.  
She got back up and tried. Maybe with some help, but she still did it.  
Not only does Connor want to be strong like her, she wants to be strong _with_ her.  
Picking up the phone and standing tall, he wipes his tears that soon clear his vision. Looking around, he could care about what people will think when he walks back in that classroom with obvious tears and a helpless expression.  
They'll probably figure it was some sort of family emergency.  
And technically, it was.  
Sammy _is_ family.  
"Connor?"  
"Shit." He whispers in a fright, spinning backwards and seeing one of two Jude's older sisters, Callie.  
Why does he even question it anymore...  
"Oh. Hey Callie."  
"Is everything alright?" She's actually concerned.  
"Um...Things will be. Just, trouble back home. Thanks, though." He forces a smile.  
Returning one, and she nods.  
"If you ever need help, you can see my Mom. Or my other Mom. The one who's a cop."  
Connor chuckles. "Thanks, Callie..."  
His forced satisfaction drifts away, the same bitterness and sorrow returning back to him.  
"Do you need to go home?"  
"No, I'm fine, just..." He wipes away his tears.  
"My girlfriend-well, uh, they're originally my boyfriend but right now it's the appropriate time to call them my girlfriend-they're-they're not exactly trans but it's almost kinda like that...She's, uh, having a hard time and just...Yeah." He hastily vents out to her.  
"When will you see her again?"  
"This weekend."   
"That'll be here before you know it...I think it's cool that you can still like someone who's not cis'." She smiles warmly, wanting him to see the good in himself.  
"I didn't exactly know beforehand-hell, I don't think they did either-but, when they told me we were already serious. Even if we weren't by then, and we were already friends first, it would be pretty stupid to let them go because of something like that."   
"That's nice. You must be pretty excited to see them again, right?" She smirks.  
"Yeah." He laughs slightly, tears warming his cheeks.  
"Oh, uh, have you seen Noah around?" He recalls not seeing him since yesterday.  
"Uh, nope, sorry. I don't think he's here today."  
"Oh..." A pit forms in his stomach at the thought of Noah ditching school to see Jude.   
"I'm gonna get back to class. Thanks anyway."  
"Yeah. Always." She means it.  
His eyes sacredly lock into hers.   
Who knew he could trust his ex's sister who he had barely talked to, more than the ex _himself_.  
"Thanks..."   
Now feeling uncomfortable, he anxiously scurries away from her.   
"What the hell..." He whispers, worriedly returning back to class.  
•••  
So Sam doesn't have to hide in the handicapped stall inside the boys' bathroom all by herself, Damien, Andy and Robert have no problem sticking by her.  
"Thanks, guys..." She looks over at the three of them sitting next to her.  
"We got you, man. Shit. Uh-"   
"It's not important." Sam interrupts Rob.  
"I brought some stuff with me." Andy announces, before pouring out his big bag of snack foods.   
"Andy! We're not gonna be here for _two weeks."_ Damien quietly scolds.  
"What? N-no- _thank you._ " Sam couldn't be more grateful, reaching for a bag of skittles and practically drowning down the whole pack.  
Let's just say she hasn't thought twice about going back to eating her feelings.  
Andy gives Damien a cocky look.  
"Sam, I hate to burst your bubble, but you can't just hide in a handicapped stall forever..." Robert tries to smack some sense into her.  
Gulping down another skittle, she wipes spit from her mouth.  
"I know. I just...Have to avoid the hallways in-between classes. I got called 'tranny Sammy' three times by three different people."  
" _Shit_." Damien whispers.  
"But hey...Maybe I _am_ trans." She pops in another skittle, swirling it against the right side of her mouth with the use of her tongue.  
"So what are you gonna do?" Asks Robert.   
"Right now all I want is peace and quiet and tits."  
"Me too." Andy smirks.  
"I don't think you guys mean that in the same way..." Says Robert.  
"Can I ask something?" Andy prospers.  
"Ask away."  
"Okay so, if you couldn't afford surgery to get tits, _or_ get fake ones that fall out of bitches bras--would you cut someone else's off and wear them as your own?"   
"What is _wrong with you."_ Damien demands.  
"Maybe we should leave..." Sam finally suggests.  
•••  
Erin doesn't even bother to knock; instead simply barging into Sierra's house with questions that she demands be answered.  
Snickering at the sight of Sierra packing her bags in the living room, she closes the door and walks closer.  
"Sam's right? You're seriously _going_ to that shit-hole?"   
With a frightened gasp and hand to her pounding heart, Sierra jumps and spins over to her.   
"Jesus, Erin, what the hell are you _doing here?"_  
She sets down her hairbrush on top of one of the three half filled, unzipped duffle bags before her feet.   
"Came to say goodbye, I suppose." She crosses her arms, eyebrows popping up with sass.  
"I want _nothing_ to do with you. _Leave_."  
"Make me, bitch."   
"What _happened_ to you?! How could you let this escalate so far?! Yes I got you to smoke weed but doing _Coke?!_ Jesus Christ, Erin. It's no secret. You know, at first I knew it was just the drugs making you this way, but now? This is who you _really_ are. And it's _sad_."   
"You're a _pussy_ , Sierra. Then again, I suppose you are what you eat."  
"Will you _shut up_ my _parents_ are upstairs!" Sierra shout whispers.  
Erin laughs bitterly. "Like I said: pussy. Have fun being locked up at your lil' treatment center with other _fuck ups._ "   
Sierra's parents walk downstairs one by one, her mother asking the question; "Who is this?"  
"Her _girlfriend,_ bitch, who the fuck are _you_!" Erin asks.  
" _Erin_!" Sierra holds back her tears.  
"' _Girlfriend_ '?" Asks the father, he and his wife now standing in front of the girls.  
"Dad..." Tears now go down her face.  
"She's not my girlfriend j-just let me explain-"  
"Oh, Sierra, first the drugs and now this?" Her Mom is disappointed.  
"Mama-"  
"Oh, _by the way!_ " Erin fake beams to the adults. "Her and I? We've been _fucking_. Looks like you'll be sending your daughter on the first bus straight to conversion camp after treatment is done. That is if she doesn't _walk out_ before finishing." She retorts.  
" _Sierra_!" Her Dad yells.  
"I _still_ like boys! Wanna hear an example?" Turning thirsty for revenge, she looks right at Erin.  
"You know Dylan? The boy you liked for _weeks_ before you and I happened? He _kissed_ me this morning. And I _loved_ it. I _really, really_ loved it!" She smiles with satisfaction.  
In response, Erin gives her a big loud smack across the cheek.  
The parents gasp, watching their daughter wince back and wipe away the small cut of blood off her skin.   
"Get out. _Now_. _Don't_ touch my daughter!" The woman demands to Erin.  
"Fine." She snickers.  
"Have fun, Sierra. Try not to O.D."  
Once she's thankfully gone, Sierra piles into her mother's arms.  
"You must hate me so much right now...I'm sorry..."  
"Oh, honey."   
Her father gently rubs her back from behind.  
"We don't dislike the girl because you got romantically involved with her. Nor do we love you any less because of that...She's _clearly_ damaged you."  
Sierra's cries turn into sobs, confirming that what her mother has stated is one hundred percent true.  
•••  
This time, Erin returns to school for Dylan.  
"You _kissed_ Sierra?!" She yells, storming up to him in the middle of his quest to find Sam.  
"Get away from me you sick, _malicious cunt."_ He knows exactly what she's done and caused. Continuing to walk, he refuses to look her straight in the eyes.  
"Fuck you, _piece of shit._ " She tries shoving him.  
"No _fuck you, Erin!_ You just _ruined_ Sam's life. She already has enough going on with her boyfriend living two cities away and her _ex_ best friend being a _fuck up._ "  
Erin grimaces with clenched fists, watching him walk off and away from her.  
"Yeah?! Well _fuck you!!"_  
She's being stared down by everyone who surrounds her, the reputation that she's labeled upon herself now slowly defining who she is as a person.  
Not knowing who else to turn to, she goes to Aaron.  
"Still want me?"  
You guess what happens next.  
•••  
When there's a touch to the back of her left shoulder, Sam gasps and spins around with an understandable anxiety filled facial expression.   
" _What_ , Colin..." Her heart drops back down from sprinting unhealthily.  
"Sorry, uh-"  
"I'd like to get to class without being mauled."  
"I know, just-I'm sorry. I heard about what happened, and-"  
"Alright. Thank you, but I _gotta go_."   
She turns away, and resumes her walk to class while making sure the hood she wears stays over the back of her head.   
She anticipates for this day to end.   
"What were you doing?" Dylan demands, had only seeing Sam storm away from Colin, storming up to him with a scowl.  
"Uh, I was just-"  
" _Stay away_ from her. I know _who_ you are and what you've done. Just _stay away._ "  
Watching him catch up with Sam, Colin frowns, the words that he wants to say being stuck in his throat.   
"Just trying to help..." He let's out a mutter.  
•••  
Already impatient enough, Connor huffs with anger when finally seeing Noah for the first time today in the hallway, with only two classes remaining.  
"Where were you?" He grills with crossed arms, instincts telling him the worst case scenario.  
"Appointment."  
"The _truth_ , Noah."  
"I was with Jude."  
Connor exhales. "Seriously?" He rolls his eyes.  
"What are you; _mad_ that I'm dating your ex or something?"  
"You and I _both_ know it's not about that. He's bad for you, Noah. And I'm not just saying that to say it. It's _true_. Even _you_ know it!"   
"We didn't even smoke anything. Okay maybe _he_ did but-"  
"I'm not _talking_ about the smoking, Noah. I'm talking about how he thinks he can _control_ you. You don't _control_ someone you're in a relationship with."   
"Because _you_ know everything, right? Because you and your boyfriend's relationship is _so_ perfect?" Noah avoids the main subject.  
"That is _not_ what I'm saying. _At all."_   
"You know what Connor? It's not even any of your business. So just _stay out of it."_  
"Fine. _I will._ Don't even bother to talk to me if you're gonna _be like this."_  
And that's, the end of that.  
•••  
Sam can't seem to catch a break, when Colin sits down next to her on the freshman hallway bench she's sitting on, waiting for Dylan to to escort her away and get her the hell out of there.  
"Get away."  
"I just want to talk. I really like you, Sam."  
"And I _really_ have a boyfriend."   
"I know that. But, that doesn't mean I still can't support you."  
"That's nice, but I'm waiting for my brother to come get me."   
"I know I've come off a bit strong, and that your friends who used to be my friends don't like me..."  
She waits for him to finish.  
"I've made mistakes. But, what we had for that one short period of time-"  
"Where all we did was hook up and you got mad when I wouldn't go all the way?" She interrupts bluntly.  
"I was more attached than that. You're beautiful, Sam." He puts his hand on her thigh, causing her to stand up.  
" _Stop_! You're a _freak_ , Colin."   
"This guy bothering you?" Dylan interrogates, fastening his pace towards them, and grabbing Sam's wrist once he's in within their distance.  
"Let's just go."   
Sam doesn't want to get into it, so she simply breaks out of his hold in return for him now being in hers, and dragging him away.  
•••  
Once they're both home, Sam storms right through the kitchen up to their room, before Ken can even ask how her day was.  
To the sound of the door slamming from the second floor, Dylan can only give his father a sour look.  
•••  
She eventually and finally comes back downstairs.   
"Is there _anything_ that would make you feel better?" Ken wonders after Sam and Dylan had explained what had happened, the three of them sitting at the kitchen table.  
"Just _anything_ to help me feel more like a girl." Her tears resume, wiping some away from her cheek.  
"What about Noelle? Mindee's sister. She might have some clothes that'll fit."  
"Maybe..." She's not opposed to the idea, but at the same time doesn't want to intrude.  
"The kids won't get it, though."  
"So? They won't care. Kader likes to dress up as princesses all the time. The girls love fashion. They'll be excited about it. Just tell them that dressing in girl clothes makes you feel better." Dylan tries his best to coax.  
Sam stares into space, deep in debating thought.   
•••  
Considering Noelle is in her early twenties, her clothes on Sam are a bit baggy.  
"We'll make it work..." She says to Sam who sits on her bed in a long-sleeved baggy burgundy red top, and 'ripped' jeans.   
Standing against the wall her closed door is built within, she leans forward and walks closer to her.  
"How do you feel?"   
"A little better. Thanks for letting me do this." She stands up and faces her with a smile.   
"Of course. I have other stuff. Jewelry, scarves...We can have a fashion show."  
Sam snickers. "I'm fine."   
"You can keep the outfit, ya know."  
"Noelle they're _your_ clothes. It's fine."   
"Let me lend you _something_. You can have one of my bras."  
Sam laughs with a shake of her head, sitting back down on the bed.  
"Where'd you get that necklace?" Noelle points to the little golden spread winged bird resting on Sam's chest.  
"Oh, uh, my boyfriend got it for me back in August." She reveals with a blush.   
"You guys serious?" Noelle grins.  
"Yeah. He's in San Diego right now. But we're gonna see each other over the weekend."  
" _Ooh_." Noelle sits down with them, only having Sam blush more.   
"You must really care about him if you're willing to do long distance."   
"Yeah. I do. His last boyfriend, when they did long distance--it didn't work out. But...That won't happen this time. He may not be here with me physically, but...Spiritually he is."   
She explains.  
Noelle chuckles happily. "You're in love."   
"What...?" Sam laughs out of slight disbelief.  
Before she can continue, Emily bursts inside the room along Madelyn and Kader, holding the makeup kit she found in her room.  
"I found the makeup kit!" She beams.  
"For the last time Emily I'm not letting _you_ do my makeup."  
Madelyn cackles.  
"I can." Kader offers.  
"You're _four_."   
"There's shoes in mommy's room if you wanna wear those. Maddie suggests.  
"What's wrong with _my_ shoes?" Noelle asks.  
No one says anything.  
•••  
In Mindee's room, Sam struggles to step out of her walk-in closet wearing a pair of one of her black four inch heels.  
"Heh. You're finally tall." Emily jabs, sitting on her Mom's bed along with Madelyn, Noelle and Kader.  
Sam purposely fake laughs at her, suddenly struggling to keep her balance.  
"You good?" Noelle asks.  
"Yeah yeah I got it." She hangs onto the corner of Mindee's dresser.  
The sound of a ringing doorbell, has Noelle beam.   
"Josh is here to drop something off."  
" _Ooh_ ; I'll go with to embarrass you!" Emily bellows.  
Sam smiles. "Who's Josh?"  
"Some guy from work she likes." Maddie blabs, and Emily's already taking off downstairs to answer the door.  
"Emily _stop_!" Noelle runs after her, and Madelyn giggles looking over at Sam.  
"Wanna come?"  
"Uh you guys can tag along. I'm not really good around strangers. I should get out of these shoes."  
The downstairs door opens, and Maddie screams to them; " _Hold on!_ " Leading she and Kader to sprint out of the room.  
Now alone and sighing, Sam makes sure to hold onto the dresser corner so she doesn't fall. But with one step forward, she's letting go of so and falling to the floor, grabbing the closest thing near to her; the left bottom drawer handle.  
She had gripped onto it so hard, having it open and reveal what else is inside besides clothes.  
She furrows her brow and stands up, regaining her balance while staring down at the several plastic covered wads of cash stuffed on top of the folded clothing which  sits on very the bottom of the drawer.  
The conversations between Josh and Noelle are tuned out by the rushed thoughts shuffling through her brain.  
"Did I hear something?" Mindee asks, entering the open doorway.  
Her entire body freezes at the sight.  
"Uh-I-I wasn't snooping I uh just fell and-" Sam starts in a panic, looking over at her.  
Mindee sighs, walking over by her side.   
The both of them staring down at the money, Sam asks, "How'd you get all that? Aren't you guys, like...Financially fragile?" She thinks 'poor' sounds a little insulting.  
"It's just money my mother sends me."  
"Well why is it stashed? Shouldn't it be in a bank or something-?"  
"It-it's just easier this way..." She closes the drawer, and Sam frowns.  
"Don't tell the kids about it, okay? I don't want them thinking my mother's money is the only reason we're making it."  
"Alright..." But Sam knows there's more to the story.   
When Mindee flees out of the room without another word, Sam stares down at the bare showings of her feet.  
She carefully steps out of the heels.  
•••  
Though she's satisfied that Noelle let her keep the outfit she still wears, and made her feel better about her identity, she still cries when returning back to her room.  
Everything crashes down on top of her.  
The bullying, the stress of her identity in general, Connor's unfortunate situation, the suspension of the whole thing, the confusion involving what just happened with Mindee...  
Hearing buzzing coming from the top of her night side table, she slowly walks over and realizes it's coming from her phone laying face up.  
Connor.  
"You there...?" She answers, not even bothering to try to hide her emotion.  
"Yeah..." Connor reacts calmly to her damaged state.  
"Always."   
She smiles.  
•••  
Noah and Connor continue to lack conversation. While he and Mandy exchange small conversations day by day.  
Harassment continues at school for Sam, along with the nerve wrecking thought that she might actually be transgender.   
She hangs out with Damien and the other boys who have her back, unlike Erin who she doesn't even _recall_ seeing around school anymore.  
She doesn't talk to Mindee about the money she's being suspicious about.  
With no hesitation or questioning, she has Ken drive her down to San Diego that Saturday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There'll only be about two or three more chapters after this one, but there COULD be a sequel considering the ending I have planned. Who knows! What do you guys think? I appreciate all of the support I've been getting. It truly means the world to me. Leave anything you have to say below. <3 <3 <3


	46. Reunion:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam visits Connor back in San Diego.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter (or is it?)  
> Hope you enjoy. <3  
> ~Christina. (Yes, that's my name.)

Chapter Forty Six: Reunion:  
September 10th:  
" _Connor!"  
"Sammy!"_  
Sam drops their bags onto the street in front of Adam's house, leaving them behind to easily fly into Connor's arms.  
Connor grunts at the contact, pulling Sam in as close as he possibly can.  
He sniffs the top of his head, while Sam plants a kiss upon Con's shoulder.  
" _God_ , I missed you so much." His voice is soft.  
"Missed you more..." Sam's nose is still resting on Connor's shoulder.  
"It's only been a week--"   
Connor interrupts Mandy who's standing on the front lawn, with a flash of his palm.  
She'll let them have their moment.  
"Don't forget your _bags_..." Ken makes fun, picking them up and walking closer to the boys.  
"Would be a _shame_ if I ran them over."  
He and Mandy laugh at each other.  
He congratulates her on the engagement, while the boys finally pull away from each other.  
"Be good, okay?" Ken says to Sam, after he's ran back over and taken his bags.   
"Got it. Love you."  
"Mm hm. Sure." He smirks.  
Sam scoffs while Mandy laughs again, and Connor grins.  
Ken leaves after a few more goodbyes to Sam and hellos to Connor, before Mandy and Connor help Sam get his things inside.  
•••  
While entering the guest room on the bottom floor where Adam prefers that Sam sleep while Connor remains upstairs in his own room-good luck with that-with Sam's bags in their hands, Sam beams to his boyfriend that he has good news.  
"What is it?" Connor smiles, setting two of the bags down onto the floor.  
"I'm _finally_ a freakin' boy again. For a second there I thought I was trans." Sam puts down the last bag with a relieved heart.  
Connor still doesn't understand why Sam thinks being a girl-or even trans-is such a bad thing.   
"Well, even if you were trans I'd be there with you every step of the way."  
Sam almost snorts. "You'd get use to my surgery given _tits_ and _vagina_?"  
" _Yes_." Connor's serious.  
"Doubt you'd still sleep with me." Sam smirks.  
Connor's about to open his mouth, but Sam interrupts him.  
"Oh, _come on!_ " He laughs. "You're _gay_. Female body parts  _aren't_ exactly your thing."  
"There'd be no difference with your ass." Connor teasingly points out.  
Sam guffaws.  
"True." He agrees, after getting it together.  
"How's school been...?" Connor approaches the subject cautiously.  
Forcing away eye contact, Sam now has a frozen, dejected look on his face.  
The blood from Connor's face drains.  
"You don't have to-"  
"It-it's been fine...Ya know; people still say shit, but, whatever. It'll blow over."  
Connor can automatically see through the layers of lies.  
"Boys! Do you want us to drop you off somewhere? We're gonna go to the store." Mandy yells out.  
Sam's eyes shine.  
"We should go..." He looks right at Connor.  
"Be right there...!" He weakly yells out, figuring that Sam just needs some time to open up.  
Sam chooses to take all the time he needs.  
•••  
On their way to the grocery store, Adam and Mandy dropped Sam and Connor off at Cold Stone for ice cream, within the nearest shopping center by the house.  
Walking down the sidewalk outside of all the different buildings together, the two chuckle at each other while eating their ice cream.  
"How does that taste good to you?" Sam teases Connor about the cotton candy flavored ice cream he got.  
"Says the person who got _three different_ chocolate flavors with chocolate syrup and sprinkles."  
"At least I'm not _boring_ when it comes to my ice cream flavors."  
They laugh, and Connor looks right at Sam while taking another bite of his good.  
Sam scoffs, playfully crinkling his nose.  
He slowly licks some of his own ice cream off his spoon, and they both cackle.  
"So I'm guessing you haven't seen much of Jude lately?" Sam decides to bring the whole thing up. Connor perks up, as they cross the street onto another property of more stores.  
"Nope. Ever since he got in that _damn_ fight with SnapBack kid."  
"'SnapBack kid'?"  
"Cameron's nickname."  
"Interesting...I still can't believe that _happened. Jesus."_  
" _Tell_ me about it." Connor mutters.  
They decide to sit down on a wooden bench resting outside of a home decorating store.  
"What about Noah?"   
Connor scoffs. "We got into this _stupid_ argument. He doesn't see how Jude's _bad_ for him. Either that or he does but is in denial about it."  
"That's too bad." Sam's voice is low, before swallowing another bite.   
"What about you?" Connor asks, wanting updates about what's going on over there.  
"Sierra still in rehab?"  
"For all I know, yes." Sam shrugs. "Dylan went to visit her a few times."  
"You think they're a thing again?"  
Sam takes another bite before looking at him.  
"Who knows."  
"What about Erin...?" Connor dares to bring her up.  
Sam turns tense. "I haven't even seen her around school for the last few days...I haven't tried calling her because what's the _point_. I'm just...Over it." His tone of voice changes drastically, now sounding almost lifeless.  
Connor sighs, letting Sam's head rest on his shoulder.   
"That's not to say I don't _miss_ her...I do...Miss her..."  
That's all Sam's going to say about her for now.  
Connor kisses his head.  
"Well you're not entirely alone over there. You have-what's his name-Damien, right? And his friends?"  
"Yeah." Sam sits up, showing a small smile.  
"They're cool."  
Connor grins at Sam's happy presence.  
"Cooler than me?"  
Sam laughs, eating more of his ice cream and looking at him.  
" _Mm hm._ " He smirks.  
Both giggling hysterically, Connor pulls Sam closer to him. Their smiling faces are only inches away from each other, happy adrenaline rushing through them.  
They're high on sugar and high on love. Sugar and spice and everything nice.   
"How long do you think Mandy and your Dad will be gone?" Sam smiles, gliding his finger down Connor's cheek.  
Connor doesn't even have to guess why Sam would be asking such a question.  
•••  
Surprise surprise, Sam's on top. Top might as well be his damn middle name. Kader is close enough, right?  
"Fuck, I missed you." He whispers into Connor's ear, leaving sloppy kisses on his lips and down his neck.  
Connor, who's being pinned down onto the guest bedroom by him, dreamily sighs at the feeling of Sam's lips trailing kisses down his stomach.  
"Mm, if they get back from from the store Sam _I swear to God-"_ he lightly panics with a smile, sitting up and looking at him.  
"They _won't_. You texted your Dad and told him we went to walk around." Sam's fists grasp onto Connor's forearms.  
"And if they can't find us?"   
"We'llll...Get dressed as fast as we can and go meet them." He grins.  
Connor giggles.  
"Horny _fuck_."  
"It's the one and only good good quality I have."   
This has Connor scoff with a light shake of his head.  
"What are you gonna do, huh? Fuck the insecurities out of me?" Sam teases.  
"You bring a condom?"  
"No."  
" _What? Sam-_ "  
"I brought twelve."   
Sam sure as hell isn't holding back this time.  
•••  
Finished for now, the two sexed out teens comfortingly lay next to each other in ecstasy, blanket up their bare torsos and hazily staring at the ceiling above them.  
Their breathing had finally slowed down a few minutes ago, deciding to let peaceful silence overtake them for a bit.  
"It's still all over my stomach..." Sam groggily breaks the silence from the left side of the bed, eyes still on the ceiling.  
His torso isn't actually entirely bare.  
" _Gross_." Connor teases, finding the strength to sit up and look down at him.  
Sam giggles, sitting up as well and making eye contact.  
"It _came_ from you. No pun intended."  
Connor almost snorts.  
"Can you get up?" Sam wonders slyly.  
"Don't get too cocky, now."   
Sam grins, playfully pointing over at him.   
"You're funny."  
Connor laughs in realization.  
"You made me sore, I'll give you that." He smirks at him.  
Sam smiles with pride.  
"I could massage you."   
This time, Connor does snort.   
" _Bullshit_."   
He closes his eyes gently, and lays back down.  
"Oh, come _on_." Sam inches closer to him, if that's even possible.  
"Think of it as a rub and tug."  
Sitting up hastily, Connor smiles but partially laughs altogether.  
"And _that's_ where I can't trust you."  
Sam giggles, flicking his eyebrows.  
Connor scoffs again.  
"Dork."   
" _Horny_ dork." Sam corrects.  
"Mm- _hm_." Connor lays back down with resumed closed eyes.  
"Shower." Sam suggests with amusement.  
"Oh that is _such an excuse-_ " Connor smiles, still in the same position.  
"It is _not!_ I'm sore too and I would appreciate it if you were there with me."  
"You mean my body."  
"Well that's kind of a requirement for showering, isn't it?"  
Eyes opening, Connor cackles.  
"Sooo-"  
"Yes. I'll join you. But _you_ gotta get it ready." He looks over at him.  
"Deal." Sam leans down and pecks his lips, getting out of bed but struggling to stand up straight.  
Irony.  
"Don't forget to take the condom off. You almost did that last time." Connor has to tiredly remind him.  
"Yeah, yeah." Sam keeps it nonchalant.  
"You're gonna have to help me out of bed when you're ready. You did this to me." Connor pokes fun.  
Amused, Sam looks down at him.  
"You know how sex makes most people feel young?"  
Connor has no choice but to open his eyes again, wanting to see where Sam's going with this.  
"Yeah?"  
"Well I don't know about you but physically it makes me feel pretty old."  
"Me too!" Connor's happily shocked that he feels the same way.  
But despite the elderly physicality's, they still go at it harder than they ever have during their shower.  
Sometimes Connor just can't help himself.  
•••  
When Mandy and Adam return home with groceries and bags of clothing, Sam and Connor are back in their normal outfits-but noticeably drying off from the shower water that poured down over them.  
Adam will only let himself think that they simply showered together, while Mandy knows to think farther than that.  
"I'm guessing you and Sam took turns showering?" She tests Connor with a low voice inside the kitchen above the sink, Adam in the bathroom and Sam talking on the phone in the guest room.  
Knowing what she's getting at, Connor's face can only flush.  
"Can't we just leave at that and call it a day?" Connor hopes, not wanting to have to state the obvious.  
"We'll 'call it a day' once I know you're wearing a condom."  
"Who said _I_ was the one that's wearing it?" He defends his bottom status.  
" _All_ I needed to hear..." She mutters, letting a pregnant silence overtakes them.  
"I'll help you put away everything." He offers.  
"Oh don't _suck up_ to me." She smiles, pushing him by his shoulder playfully.  
His laughter is interrupted with unexpected reminders of being pushed much worse than that, by the man who made him come here.  
"You alright?" Mandy asks, witnessing him stand stiffly still and gaze into space.  
Throat clearing and body lurching, Connor looks back over at her with forced causality on his face.  
"Yeah...Of course."  
•••  
"Things going well?" Damien asks Sammy over the phone.   
"Yeah. Things are great, actually." He can't contain his smile.   
"Did you guys have sex?" Damien asks lowly.  
Automatically, Sam blushes.  
"Yeah, a few times..." He whispers with a casual shrug.  
" _Already_? Damn. _How was it? How'd it go? Is he good-?"_  
"Gotta go."  
"What? _No you don't. Sam-"_  
He hangs up while rolling his eyes, just before Connor walks into the room.  
"Hey." He flashes a smile.  
"Hey." Sam walks over to him and touches his left shoulder.  
"Who were you talking to?"  
"Oh it was just Damien."   
"He know you're here?"  
"Yeah. He kept asking me about 'what happened' so I hung up."  
Connor snickers. "Lovely. So listen--" He brings Sam closer to him, having them smile.  
"I wanna take you out."  
"Geez, Connor, I know I can be annoying-"  
"You know what I mean." Connor smirks.  
"Like, on a date. We haven't exactly been on an official one, yet."  
"I'd love that." Sam smiles, pressing his palms together.  
"What should we do?"   
"Up to you." Connor offers.  
"I don't know how to choose..." Sam admits.  
"Uh, what's something you've never done before?" Connor tries to help.  
Sam laughs quietly at his answer.  
"I've never been bowling."  
"Seriously?" Thinking it's cute, Connor smiles.  
"Nope. I've always kinda wanted to. I know I'll absolutely suck, though."  
"Well you're in luck 'cause I'm pretty bad myself." Connor shares, and Sam giggles.  
•••  
For the third time, Sam asks Connor if they can please get bumpers.  
" _No, Sammy."_ He laughs, wrapping his arm around them as they walk to their assigned lane in bowling shoes.  
"Remember that movie we watched? 'Life doesn't give you bumpers'." Connor quotes it.  
Sam tries to hold back his guffaw.  
"You mean the movie that we made out to more than half the time because it was that boring?"  
"Yes. _That_ movie." Connor smirks, leading both of them to giggle.  
They type in their names into the key pad that transfers them to the digital screen, which will keep their future scores above.   
While picking out their bowling balls, Sam picks out a big, heavy black one that has the number eight on it.  
"I like this one 'cause it's like a magic eight ball." He beams.  
"Maybe you should ask it if you'll ever stop being such a dork." Connor teases.  
Sam laughs.  
"Don't really shake it, though. We don't need you going to the emergency room." Connor instructs lightheartedly.  
That makes Sam grin.  
•••  
"I know how to bowl a ball, Connor. You're just looking for this as an excuse to touch me." Sam laughs slightly while Connor swiftly holds Sam's ball holding arm back, and sliding it forward without having him let it go.  
"I know, just wanting to make sure you know." He smiles.  
"You're trying to sabotage me, that's it." Sam guesses, smiling.  
" _No_!" Connor laughs. "Go ahead. You'll do great."  
Sam only knocks down one pin.  
" _Sabotage_!" He cries out, and Connor only laughs.  
"You _wish_. This is all on _you_."  
Sam giggles at Connor, casually waiting for him to go next.  
"Now you go again." Connor directs.  
"I do?"  
" _Yes_." He giggles, grinning widely.  
"You weren't lying when you said you've never been, were you?"  
"What, you didn't believe me?" Sam teases.   
Connor smiles again, looking at the only nine pins standing at the end of their alley.  
"Now you gotta try to get a spare."   
"What is that."  
"When you knock the rest of the pins down, weirdo."   
Sam scoffs. "Don't count on it."   
He walks onto the actual alley to get closer to the pins, and Connor can't help himself from laughing.  
"You can't walk past the line, Sam. Your score won't count!"  
"Well my score's gonna be terrible anyway!" Sam defends with a smile, lining up his shot.  
The call knocks three pins down.  
"Oh yay!" He beams, jogging back over to Connor.  
"Doesn't count. You were past the line." He smirks.  
He's shushed, Sam's finger pressing against his lips.  
•••  
Despite Connor winning both of the rounds they played, Sam got one strike which made them both extremely happy. Even if it _didn't_ count on the scoreboard because he had walked past the line again.  
They head to arcade area in the building, using the money Ken had given Sam in case of emergency to buy tokens.  
" _Ooh_! I'm gonna win you something." Sam smiles to Connor, having the both of them stop at the stuffed animal filled claw machine in front of them.  
But before Connor can even start to tell him how much of a scam those things are, Sam's already happily putting two tokens in the machine.  
The giant stuffed duckling drops its way out of the claw and back on top of their other stuffed friends, before it can even make it halfway to the drop-slot.  
" _No_!" Sam smiles, repeatedly pressing the button on the machine to see if it'll give him another shot.  
"You were saying?" Connor teases, crossing his arms.  
Cackling, Sam playfully shoves him.  
"It-it's fine." Connor tries not to make his anxiety aware.   
"I don't like ducks very much anyway."   
"I can replace the 'u' and say something you _do_ like." Sam's eyebrows flick again.  
Connor snickers. "Idiot."   
"Idiot." Sam copies.  
•••  
They only get eight tickets in total, after playing two rounds of ski ball.  
"What the hell? We did _good_!" Sam exclaims, glaring down at the tickets in his palm.  
Connor scoffs.   
" _Sureee_." He teases, recalling the mediocre rounds they played.  
"Well how are we gonna get tickets?" Sam grins, knowing he's being ridiculous.  
"We can spin that giant ticket wheel thing." Connor suggests, pointing to the one across the room.  
"I have bad luck with wheels..." Sam turns insecure.  
"My cousin won a thousand tickets once." Connor recalls, giving Sam enough hope to sprint over to the thing.  
Connor laughs at his excitement.  
They only win fifty tickets.  
•••  
Not wanting to show off his crappy basketball skills, Connor let's Sam play the miniature sized game of basketball all by himself.  
He's surprised to see him make every shot, and win a hundred tickets.  
" _Yes_! You should go!" Sam smiles, clutching the tickets in his hand.  
"Uhhhh..."   
"Oh come _on_." Sam smiles, nudging him towards the machine.  
"You're like, a professional jock."  
Connor takes that as both a compliment and a playful jab.  
He barely makes even two shots out of the entire round, but smiles anyway while witnessing, knowing Connor's trying his best to impress him.  
"Well'p...I got two tickets." Connor awkwardly holds them out to Sam, after he's finally finished his mostly losing streak.  
Sam giggles.  
"I think it's cute how you feel the need to impress me. But please know that you _don't_ need to. You already impress me by being you."  
Connor snickers in disbelief, insecurely scratching the back of his neck.  
"I mean, you're just great at so many things, Sam. Sex, basketball--how will I ever keep up?"   
With another guffaw, Sam pushes him for the second time.  
Connor has to remind himself that he is in fact safe.  
•••  
Next, Sam can't contain his excitement when he sees that there's a photo booth that prints out traditional four numbered strips of pictures.  
"This is all so new to you; it's cute." Connor smiles to him from the inside, silk curtain making sure to cover them.  
"I've always wanted to try one of these things." Sam shares, quickly pecking his lips.  
"We have enough for eight photos."   
"Gonna have to fix your hair first." Con' teases, purposely ruffling it back.  
" _Stop_!" Sam giggles, unable to move away from him due to how tight-spaced the booth is.  
They give each other various rough kisses, wrapping their arms around each other and smiling within each one.  
Ending the gesture to remain their focus, the two look towards the camera lenses.  
The pictures are automatically taken so fast, that two barely even have time to plan out their facial expressions of poses.  
In fact, six out of the eight photos taken is of them simply laughing and or grinning at each other; the other two barely getting their silly faces in time.  
Perhaps perfection is better unplanned.  
•••  
"Okay, so, you'll keep one and I'll keep one." Sam repeats the plan about the two picture strips that hold four photos each, of them goofing around.  
Now outside of the arcade, they sit across from each other at one of the various tables near the snack bar.  
"What about the tickets?" Connor teases, nodding at the various strips squeezed in Sam's fist.   
"You can keep them." He adds.  
"No, here!" Sam beams, offering them out.  
"Sam, I'm pretty sure you care more than I do." Connor teases.  
He scoffs, looking forward with a small smile.  
"True."  
With a quick glance into space, Connor almost falls out of his chair once he sees Noah waiting for an employee to come out behind the snack bar counter.  
" _Fuck_." He whispers, sacredly looking back at Sam.  
"What is it?"  
"Noah's here."  
"Oh, shit..." Sam spots him too.  
"Sam _stop looking at him he'll see you_ -" Connor's in the middle of whispering sharply, until Noah is of course making eye contact with them one by one.  
"Hey, Connor..." He slowly approaches them.  
"Hey..."  
They haven't exactly been talking, so this run in is rather awkward.  
"Um, is this-?"  
"Sam? Yeah...This is Sam." Connor points over to him.  
"Hi." Sam tries sounding comfortable as possible.  
"Hey. Uh, I'm Noah. Heard a lot about you."  
"Same here..."  
Noah only nods.  
"Um...Is Jude here?" Connor can't help but wonder.  
"Yeah...He's in the bathroom..."  
"Oh...Well, uh, we were just leaving." Connor brings up in a claim, Sam forcing a nod.  
"Okay...Nice meeting you." Noah looks at him.  
"You too."  
"Bye Connor..."  
"See ya at school..."  
Connor looks right back at Sam when Noah's out of earshot.  
"We gotta get out of here."   
"What-"  
But Connor's already standing up and pulling him out of his chair, dragging him towards the entrance.  
Sam squeezes the tickets, and photo sets in his fist.  
"But wait-!" He comes to the realization at the edge of the parking lot.  
"We're still in our bowling shoes-!"  
" _Hey_!" A familiar and dreaded voice calls out.  
" _Jesus_." Connor whispers, he and Sam freezing stiffly.  
" _Jude_." Noah's already scolding, their footsteps getting closer.  
Surprise surprise, Jude's stoned when Connor turns around to see him now standing inches away from him.  
"What's going on..." Sam's already anxious, voice trembling.  
"Nothing." Noah says, gripping onto Jude's arm.  
" _Get back inside._ " He whispers to him.  
"Who the fuck are _you_?" Jude demands to Sam,  ignoring Noah and forcing him to let go.   
Noah flinches. "Jude..."  
"His _boyfriend_. You're the asshole ex, right?" A suddenly brave Sam has no problem standing up for himself or especially Connor, anymore.  
To make himself look taller, he fixes his posture.  
Jude laughs in bitter disbelief.  
"Sure you didn't mean _girl_ friend?" He eyes the necklace Sam wears.  
Connor rolls his eyes. "If I remember correctly you wore a _lot_ of nail polish when we went out." He snaps.  
"You did?" Noah wasn't aware of that.  
"He's a _fucking_ liar." Jude doesn't want to admit it.  
" _What'd_ you call him?" Sam asks with shock.  
"Was I fucking _talking_ to you?"  
" _Stop_." Noah and Connor beg together.   
"If I know _anything_ about Connor-and I know more than you _ever_ will-it's that he _doesn't_ lie. At least I can _admit_ I'm feminine. Hell, _maybe_ I'm more than that! _Maybe_ I'm bi _fucking_ gender." Sam retorts, scowling at him.  
Noah perks up in surprise.  
Jude laughs, again.   
"Wow, Connor. A special snowflake, huh?" He looks at him.  
"At least I'm not a _pothead_." Sam steps closer.  
Connor squeezes his eyes shut, knowing those words were the breaking point.  
Sam gasps, Jude pulling the golden spread winged bird off the chain faster than any of them can comprehend.  
"What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?!" Connor yells, Noah repeating his name in a yell while Jude throws the piece of jewelry down the nearest sewer.  
"You're a _jackass_." Sam insults, holding back tears.  
"What else, huh?" Jude snatches the tickets from him, tearing them up and throwing them down as well.  
"That's _fucking_ _enough_!" Noah yells, just before Jude grabs Sam's wrist and pulls it in the direction of his eyesight.  
"Oh, _that's_ cute." He studies the pictures from the photo booth that Sam refuses to let go.  
"Don't _fucking touch_ him!" Connor pulls Sam back.  
" _Let's go_." Noah almost yells, grabbing Jude and forcing him away as speedily as he can.  
"You're _fucking kidding me._.." They can hear Noah scold him, until they're out of earshot.  
"Sammy..." Connor whispers with tears on his cheeks, witnessing him stare blatantly into space.  
"It's fine." Sam looks at him.  
"I don't care about the tickets. Or the necklace. All I care about are these..."   
Connor smiles down at what Sam still managed to hold onto.  
One of his tears drops onto a smile filled picture.  
•••  
The boys had taken off the shoes, and ditched. When they got home they realized that it turns out that they accidentally ditched their actual shoes, too.  
Laying next to each other and barefoot on Sam's bed in the guest room, Connor apologizes again for what happened.  
"It's fine--wasn't your fault." Sam squeezes his hand lightly.  
"It was _really_ brave how you stated your gender identity like that." Connor looks deeply into his eyes.  
"Thanks...Guess I was just trying to make a point..." Sam darts his eyes onto the comforter.  
"Hey." Connor lifts up his chin so they're making eye contact again.  
"Ignore what he said after that. You _are_ special, but you are _not_ a special snowflake. Or an attention seeker. Or _whatever_ else he was thinking." Connor tries to convince.  
"Thank you. I'm not special, though. The last thing I _want_ is attention. Besides--I've been called worse names in the past week."  
"You're special to _me_. And a _lot_ of other people. What have people been saying to you, Sammy..."  
Looking away and breaking their hand holding, a lump forms in Sam's throat.  
Connor horrifically waits for him to continue.  
"I got locked in a closet...A guy said that if he even caught me looking at the door of the girls' bathroom I'd 'be sorry'..." He's crying, now.  
"I can't even raise my hand in class without being laughed at. I've been getting threatening notes in _and_ on my locker, and--" He's full on crying, now.  
"Sammy..." Connor squeezes his shoulder.  
"This group of assholes like to make it look like I 'got my period' at lunch..."  
Fists clenched, Connor practically growls.   
" _Fuck. Sammy, c'mere."_   
He lets him cry into his shoulder, leaving a kiss on the top of his head.  
"I need to get back there. I can't let you go through this alone."  
"I'm not entirely alone, though. _Yes_ I miss you being there with me so much but...Are you sure it's even _safe_ to go back yet? With, you know..."  
Connor turns pale.  
"I don't know...I haven't heard from him since I first got here. Told me to 'play by his rules.' But...Maybe he actually kept his word and is _really_ gone."  
"Can only hope..." Sam mutters, wrapping his arms around him.  
"How do we find out?"  
"I have _no_ idea..."  
After Connor's dramatic sigh, silence goes by until Sam chooses to speak again.  
"Remember Colin?"  
"Yeah...?" Connor looks at him skeptically.  
"He kissed me..."  
" _What_?!" Connor moves away and looks at him.  
"And touched my thigh. But I _didn't_ like _any_ of it. He's a _creep_."  
Connor irritably groans. " _Jesus_. _Why_ didn't you tell me?"  
" _This_ is why. I didn't want you to freak out."  
"Well I _am_ freaking out. I didn't know how _hectic_ it was getting over there." Connor defends in surprise.  
More silence.  
"Can I tell _you_ something?" It's Connor's turn.  
"Jude grabbed _your_ thigh?" Sam jokes.  
Connor cringes. " _No_." He shakes his head.  
"Uhhh...I don't think I could've been in that photo booth without you."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"I mean...I've been getting--jittery lately. Because of...what Richard used to do to me."  
Sam takes his hands. "I get it...If you ever feel like you need them, you can have some of my pills. It obviously helps me with all the shit that happened with my Mom."  
Connor smiles. "Thank you..."  
"I never wanna see him again..." Connor turns anxious, trying not to resume crying.  
"And I'll make _sure_ you don't."  
" _How_?"  
Connor's phone rings, causing both of them to jump.  
"It's my Mom..." He can't take his eyes off the caller ID.  
Sam's eyes tell him to answer it.  
"Hey, Mom. How have things been?"  
"Oh, alright...I would love to see you soon."  
"Yeah. Me too." Connor smiles.  
"You doing okay?"  
"Yeah. I'm with Sam."   
"That's great..." She's smiling.  
"Uh, Mom?" He decides to bring it up.  
"Yes, baby."  
"Are you still seeing Richard...?" He remembers seeing her with Dave in secret, but still wants to make sure.  
"Oh, no. Things with him are over. In fact, I think he moved. I drove past his house the past few days and it looks like he hasn't been there."   
"Oh...! Uh, how do you feel about that?"  
"Alright, I guess." She acts casual, while on the inside she's at best relieved.  
"Oh, okay..."  
"Can I tell you something honey?"  
"Yeah...Anything..." Connor's heart is in his stomach.  
' _I'm pregnant.'_  
"Me and David are back together."  
A weight is lifted off of him.  
"Really? That's great, Mom." He's glad to know it's so.  
"I agree. I'm very happy."  
"I'm happy too...I love you."  
"Love you too. I should let you go. Tell Sam hello."  
"Will do. Bye Mom."  
After hanging up, Connor turns to Sam with a smile.  
"Richard's gone."  
" _What_?"  
" _Yeah_. My Mom's sure he moved."  
Sam smiles with relief, happily panting with shock.  
"Is-is she _sure..?"_  
"She _thinks_ so. I mean, _she_ hasn't heard from him, _I_ haven't heard from him...It's over, Sammy."  
In relief but somewhat disbelief, they both laugh with each other.  
"So...What now?" Sam asks.  
Good question.  
"Sammy I _promise_ you after I talk to my Dad about it I will be home as _soon_ as I can." He whispers.  
While right now it seems like Richard's officially gone, little do any of them know that he's closer than ever.


	47. Damned To Hell:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is 18k, so bare with me and read at your own pace.  
> Epilogue will be coming soon.  
> Thank you to everyone who's stuck by this story <3  
> ~Christina.

Chapter Forty Seven: Damned To Hell:  
September 11th:  
Adam let the boys sleep together in the same guest room bed; knowing trying to debate otherwise would be a waste of time.  
How right, he was.  
That Sunday morning, Connor's a bit concerned when Sam's sleeping in late past ten, knowing that went to bed not too early the night before.  
"Sammy. You up yet?" He lightly pokes his shoulder, able to tell he's not fully asleep more awake due to his breathing.  
Sam only mumbles randomness.  
"Sammy." Connor shakes him lightly.  
"Wake up..." He tries to seductively whisper in his ear.  
He sees the goosebumps trail upon Sam's skin.  
Leaving kisses down his neck doesn't work either.  
He sticks his morning wood against Sam's thigh, knowing that should do the trick.  
Sam practically lurches out of the bed.  
"I'm up." He reaches for and puts on his glasses.  
Connor laughs, getting up and playfully hitting him with the nearest pillow.  
"It's just my bladder. Sorry." He smirks, heading to the closed doorway for the bathroom outside.  
Sam rushes up behind him, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him back.  
"Well just because yours is morning wood doesn't mean mine is." He flirts, sticking it up against the back of Connor's right leg.  
He scoffs, turning around and facing him.  
"I'll be in the bathroom." He grins, grabbing onto his palms and tenderly rubbing them.  
"I can meet you in there."  
"Seriously Sam my Dad is gonna hear you and _God only knows how that'll end up."_ Connor sharply whispers, causing Sam to laugh.  
"Jerk off into your pillowcase." He jokes, putting his hand on the doorknob.  
"Would be a shame if you walked in on me."  
Connor can't help but chuckle on the way out.  
•••  
"You sleep well, bulge boy?" Mandy asks in the kitchen with a cup of coffee in her hand, as Connor walks past her on his way to the bathroom.  
"Bladder." He explains.  
"Mm-hm, I hope that's all it is." She jokes, laughing at the redness she's caused on his face.  
"Where's my Dad?"  
"Garage."  
He says nothing else when leaving her for the bathroom, locking the door behind him.  
•••  
He walks back into the guest room, to see that Sam's back in bed and has resumed his sleep.  
"Sam? Is this another trick...?" Connor walks up to the bed slowly, poking his shoulder again.  
"Sammy."  
He hops up there, climbing on top of his back and grinding his erection that's returned, and isn't morning wood this time.  
By his breathing, Connor can tell that Sam has actually fallen back asleep.  
"Wake up..." He whispers again, sticking his hand up his shirt and rubbing his chest.  
"Get off." Sam attempts to throw him off of him.  
"What's wrong?" He's asked, Connor climbing down next to him.  
"I'm tired all over again."  
"Then I'll make you _un_ -tired." Connor flirts, reaching for Sam's waistband.  
"Mm-mm." Sam flicks them away.  
"C'mon; you were all over me before I left and now you're not in the mood one bit when I finally am? That's not fair." Connor jokes.  
Sam rolls over from his direction.  
"Sammy what's wrong..."  
They don't even budge.  
Then Connor realizes.  
"Did you take your meds last night? _Sam?"_ He doesn't recall seeing him take them, last night.  
"Sam..." He sighs, getting up and walking over to his bags on the floor.  
Inside the first one he checks, he finds the orange prescription bottle of Zoloft that's been in there ever since packed.  
"C'mon, Sammy." He jumps back into the bed while un-twisting the white cap. In his palm, he pours six of the tiny light green tablets.  
"Sit up."  
Sam moans out a word that sounds like something close to a refusal.  
"Come on, you can do it." Connor leans over and sticks the pills in Sam's mouth anyway.  
" _Up_." He has no choice but to grab him by his shoulders and sit him up himself.  
" _Swallow_."  
Sam slowly does so, croaking out noises of displeasure because of the disgusting taste.  
"Stick out your tongue."  
Sam's mad at first that Connor can't even trust that he's actually taken the pills, but sticks out his tongue for him anyway.  
"Are you done inspecting my mouth...?" He struggles to talk, making Connor chuckle.  
"Yeah..." He stares down directly at it.  
"Is this turning you on?" Sam jokes, grinning at how disoriented he sounds.  
Connor laughs, joking, "Yeah I can totally picture you seducing me in that voice."  
Sticking his tongue back in his mouth, Sam releases a laugh. His smile slowly fades, eyes looking back down at the comforter they sit on.  
"Hey." Connor assures, pressing his hand on Sam's shoulder.  
"You're gonna be okay. Just gotta wait for them to kick in."  
"I know, but...I don't wanna spend my last day here all depressed and emo."  
A smirk sticks to Connor's face.  
"You don't have to." He attacks Sam back into his side of the bed, wrapping his arms around his body and pressing his cheek against his shoulder.  
Content, Sam smiles.  
"I love you..." He closes his eyes.  
"Love you more." Connor squeezes his hand.  
Silence overtakes them, the two of them staying like that for the rest of the day.  
Sike.  
"So where's your Dad?" Sam's wide awake now, the two of them popping up almost in sync.  
"Garage." Connor hastens, eyes darting into his eyes. "Pretty sure Mandy just went in there too."  
"Cool take your pants off."  
•••  
When Sam has to leave later that day, Connor makes sure to hug him extra tightly outside on the lawn  
"I promise I'll be home as soon as I can, alright?" He whispers in his ear.  
"I know..." Sam squeezes his side. "I love you."  
"Love you too."  
Connor leaves a kiss upon Sam's cheek, before tenderly letting him go and watching him get back into Ken's car with his bags, to be driven off shortly afterwards.  
Now alone, he goes back into the house and upstairs to his own room to cry.  
He knows, for the most part, that the 'situation' is over.  
What he doesn't know is how he could have let it happen in the first place.  
The only thing he can do is keep telling himself is that Richard is gone for good.  
•••  
Down the hall in the room they now share, while doing the laundry they set on their bed together, Mandy asks Adam a question that has him do a double take.  
"Are you sure Connor should be staying here?"  
"What?" His brow furrows.  
"Er, that came out wrong. You know I love that boy. It's just...Are you sure he'll be able to handle this?"  
"You mean with Sam?" Adam folds one of Connor's flannel shirts and puts it in the plastic basket.  
"Yeah. They're crazy for each other; how long do you think they'll be able to keep this up?"  
Adam shrugs. "Since they're so crazy for each other I don't see why they would let something so simple come between them, right?  
It happened with Jude, but, this, _this_ is different." He points out his side of things.  
"That is true. But...It's not only about Sam. I want to make sure that he's actually...Comfortable...With everything..."  
Adam gets a dreaded feeling.  
•••  
In the middle of hanging up the photo booth pictures of him and Sam on the bulletin board on his right bedside table, Connor flinches when hearing the knock on his door.  
"Yeah..." He finishes completing the process.  
Turning around, he sees Adam walk into his doorway.  
"Hey..."  
"Hey, you doing alright?"  
"Yeah, uh..." Connor looks down at his shoes. "I'm fine..."  
"Connor, I, uh, wanted to make sure that you are--'comfortable' here." Adam starts.  
"Why _wouldn't_ I be?" Connor crosses his arms, shrugging his shoulders.  
"You and Mandy make me feel perfectly fine."  
"Well, uh, what I meant was that I don't want you to feel like you had to come here."  
Connor tenses.  
"Wh-why would I feel that way...?" Now sweating, he fears that Mandy's told him something.  
"I just don't want you to feel like I've put any pressure on you to come see me. Mandy and I both want what's best for you and what makes you happy. Not that we don't love having you back here. Is this something to do with Mom?"  
"What? No. Well, not anymore..." He fibs.  
"She'd really like to see you."  
"I know. I wanna see her too."  
With a nod, Adam looks at the photo strip he just hung up.  
"Those are nice pictures." He compliments.  
Connor's face flushes.  
"The machine says thanks."  
Adam chuckles, which has Connor smirk.  
"I'll leave you alone, now. Figure out what you want for diner, alright?"  
"Okay."  
"Love you."  
"Love you too."  
When Connor knows Adam is already walking back down the hall by now, he lets himself release a heavy weighted sigh.  
•••  
September 12th:  
" _DOW-NOW-NOW-NOW-NOW-NOW NOW. NEH. NEH. NEH."_ Sam purposely 'sings' the opening chords of 'Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now' in Dylan's face, downstairs in the kitchen before school that next morning.  
" _Sam! Shut it!_ You're such a _pest_. I don't know how Connor freakin' dealt with you for an _entire weekend._ May Lord have mercy on his soul." Dylan insults him from the kitchen table, not in the mood for these kind of antics in the morning.  
Sam cackles, as Ken walks into the room dressed for work.  
"SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO NOWWW, SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO NOWWW, IF I GO THERE WILL BE TROUBLE; AND IF I STAY IT WILL BE _DOUBLE_." Sam sings at the top of his lungs towards Dylan, attempting his best English accent that's actually his worst.  
"You should go." Dylan smirks.  
" _Hey_." Sam laughs.  
"Sam, it is a good a song, but I advise you not to be so loud." Ken says while walking over to the coffee maker.  
"He's only singing it 'cause of that stupid show he started watching-"  
"Stranger Things is _not_ stupid! Damien told me to watch it, and I did. And now I'm addicted."  
"I don't know how _he_ tolerates you either. How the hell are you not tired from staying up half the night watching it?" Dylan would much rather have Sam be half asleep right now.  
"I have magic powers like Eleven." Sam grins proudly.  
Dylan rolls his eyes into practically the back of his own head.  
"You visiting Sierra today?" Ken asks Dylan.  
"Yeah. Visiting hours are after school so I'll go then."  
"How's she doing so far?"  
"She's hanging in there." He informs.  
Sam's home style eggo waffles pop up in the toaster, causing him to beam and run over there.  
"Dad! Look! I'm Eleven!" He smiles and holds up both of the waffles in his direction.  
"Owe!" He yells when having held them too long, and dropping them back in.  
"Yeah. An eleven year-old trapped in a teenager's _body_." Dylan comments.  
"Shush it Dylan!"  
Ken laughs, walking next to his youngest.  
"If I remember correctly, she had her head shaved; so if you really want to be her--" He ruffles Sam's hair to make him laugh.  
Dylan snickers, looming over at them.  
"Fine." Sam smiles, pushing Ken's hand away.  
" _Anything_ to be like her."  
"You're _so_ weird..." Dylan says under his breath, looking away from them.  
•••  
Upstairs in he and Sam's room, in the middle of anxiously pacing around in search for his book report, Dylan accidentally knocks open Sam's unzipped but still half unpacked suitcase that he left lying on the floor.  
" _Jesus, Sam_." He whispers angrily, looking down inside.  
His pupils shrink and eyes grow bigger, when he sees the five wrapped condoms sitting inside.  
Of course, at that exact moment Sam comes strolling in.  
"What's up." He taps the right wall next to the open doorway.  
"You fucked Connor?!" Dylan asks with surprise, looking right back up at him.  
Downstairs, Ken looks up in their direction.  
" _Dude!"_ Sam shrieks, slamming the door and locking it.  
"There's like _five_ freakin' condoms in your bag...!" Dylan's high strung.  
"Will you keep your voice low?!" Sam shout whispers, jogging over and slamming the suitcase back closed.  
"Sam, talk."  
"Calm down, okay? Yeah, we had sex."  
"Okay."  
"Six times."  
" _Six_ times?"  
"Not over the entire period of the weekend. The first time was before he left to go back."  
"Wow...So, five times, huh?"  
"Quit snooping through my stuff, jerk." Sam grows defensive.  
"Learn to pack your shit right, slut."  
"Okay-- _you're_ -" Sam grins before letting out his laughter,  Dylan laughing along with him.  
"Boys! Can you come down here for a sec?!" They hear Ken from downstairs.  
Dylan darts his eyes back over to Sam.  
" _Busted_." He sing songs.  
" _Maybe_ if you weren't so _loud_ all the time," Sam knows he's exaggerating.  
"Not the first time you got busted." Dylan smirks.  
"What...?"  
Dylan gives him a hard waiting stare, and Sam cringes.  
"Oh _gross_!"  
This time Dylan guffaws.  
•••  
They walk down the staircase carefree and bubbly, quietly laughing about how disgusting they're both being.  
" _WHOO! ALRIGHT--"_ Sam shouts the opening Should I stay Or should I Go lyrics, having them both cackle.  
Their smiles drop and laughs stop, when seeing a dirty, washed out Erin standing fifteen feet away from them in their kitchen.  
"What are _you_ doing here..." Dylan asks.  
Exhaling dramatically, Erin walks over closer.  
"Do you guys have any cash on you...?"  
Sam's not having it.  
"Oh, _fuck no_ , Erin. You're a _mess_. _Leave_."  
"Sam-" Ken starts.  
" _No_ , Dad! She's only here because she _needs something."_  
"I'm in deep shit..." Her voice quivers.  
"And I wonder _why that is._ Get the hell out."  
Dylan and Ken are too uncomfortable to say anything. Erin desperately looks around for backup.  
But none comes.  
So she does what's best and leaves.  
Sam is now being stared down by his family.  
"We should get going we're gonna be late..." He whispers tenderly, before escaping upstairs.  
But when he's actually supposed to be leaving, now dressed and ready, he makes his way over to Mindee's.  
He peeks into her empty room, eyeing the dresser he knows is full of hidden stacks of money.  
Two steps inside, Mindee's lurching outside of her walk in closet, having Sam freeze and yelp out.  
"Good morning, huh...?" She's confused, forehead crinkled.  
"Noelle let me in. She told me the girls are already on the bus to school."  
"Okay, do you need me for something?"  
"Ummm..."  
With a sweating figure, Sam looks over at the dresser.  
"You didn't tell anyone, did you?"  
"What? No. It's-"  
"Were you going to _steal_ from me?"  
"No! Yes! _Maybe!_ It's Erin, alright? She needs help."  
"Erin; I thought you two weren't-"  
"Never mind. Never mind. She can...She can get out of it herself...I'll be on my way..." He stares at her.  
"What is this about, Mindee? Huh?" His arms cross.  
"It's a shame that you're lying to me. To my _Dad_. He'd be crushed if he learned you were playing games."  
There's a broken-hearted look on her face. He studies it with resentful eyes.  
"Sam. Promise me...When I say that it is for your own protection that you don't know about this..."  
He can automatically tell that this time she's telling the full truth.  
"I..." He becomes choked up. "I gotta go...I'm sorry Mindee..."  
There's tears in the same eyes of Mindee's that observe him leave.  
•••  
"It's _weird_ , man." Sam says to Connor over the phone as he pushes the door open to his high school.  
"Well what on earth could she be _hiding?_ " Connor asks his best on the bus, sitting alone in one of the back seats.  
"I have _no_ idea. I just don't know what the hell she could _need_ all that money for. I must've forgot to tell you over the weekend."  
"Maybe she deals."  
"At this point, _anything_ is possible." Sam mutters, heading straight over to his locker.  
Connor breathes out in agreement, nodding his head.  
"How was your ride home?" Connor wants to focus on something more casual.  
"Good. I texted Damien half the way."  
"Oh t-that's good." Connor keeps a nonchalant tone.  
"You won't _believe_ what happened this morning." Sam tries focusing on opening his locker while holding his phone with the help of his shoulder at the same time.  
"Erin came over. Was asking for money." The locker opens, a note plopping out onto the floor.  
" _Seriously?"_ Connor cringes at the thought, glaring at the loud shrieking kids in the seat across from his.  
Sam doesn't respond, too busy unfolding the note in hesitance, which reads--  
**Kill urself fucking freak. Do us all a favor.**  
"Sam?" Connor notices his silence.  
"Yeah." Sam forces himself out of shock, dropping the note on the floor.  
"You okay?"  
"Yeah. Got distracted. Was just thinking. Sorry. Uh, I gotta get to first class. I'll talk to you in a few hours."  
"Okay. Love you."  
"Love you too. Watch Stranger Things!"  
Connor hangs up.  
Chuckling quietly before the reality sinks back on him, Sam slowly picks up the note and let's the hurtful words burn into his eyes.  
He rips it up and tosses it in the nearest trash can.  
Phone now in his closed locker, he tries discreetly to make his way to class, only to be laughed and pointed at by a close by group of same-grade girls.  
His steps move faster.  
•••  
When opening her locker, Erin finds a rather threatening note.  
**Give the money to us on Friday at 7 sharp in the woods behind 806 on Seymour avenue. Or else you'll be sorry.**  
Groaning but also sweating with fear, she throws it back in the locker for future reference, trading it for what she actually needs.  
Slamming it shut, she turns around and roams her eyes for Aaron.  
" _Hey!"_ She makes her way over to him who's tiredly trying to walk to class.  
"Tell your _friends_ to get off my back." She knows that the seniors who are after her are friends with Aaron.  
"How about _you_ get the money you owe them?" Aaron stops walking and spins around with a scowl on his face.  
"You _could_ fucking help me with that!" She defends.  
"You think just because we _fucked_ I'll help you out whenever an emergency comes your way?" He retorts.  
"So _that's_ all I am to you? A good fuck? _Fuck you."_  
While storming away, Erin figures she'll have to take matters into her own hands.  
She just doesn't know how, yet.  
•••  
Now in school, Connor beams once he sees that Cam has returned, and is roaming the halls.  
"Hey!" He yells with a smile, jogging over to him.  
"Hey." He smiles, straightening his hat.  
"Looks like you learned your lesson about fighting, huh?" Con' teases.  
Cam laughs. "Yeah."  
"So, if you're back," Connor starts. "Then-"  
"That means _Jude's_  back."Cam finishes for him.  
"Yup..."  
Cam bitterly chuckles. " _Great_."  
Indeed.  
•••  
Walking out of first period, Sam makes sure to keep a hoodie over his head so people don't recognize him from behind.  
Meaning that people can still put a name to him by his face.  
"Hey Sam." Damien greets.  
"Ah!" Sam jumps, startled at the sight. "You scared me."  
"Sorry. What's with the hoodie?"  
"I'm keeping a low radar."  
"Me too."  
"Why's that?"  
"You know Kaylee?"  
Sam squints his eyes, remembering how she ditched him at the eighth grade school dance they were supposed to go to together, to hookup with some guy in the janitor's closet.  
"What about her?"  
"She won't leave me alone. She's been all over me since we talked for a bit at our block's barbecue. She put her number in my phone and's been non-stop texting me. It doesn't help that she lives on my _block_."  
"I figured that because of the whole barbecue thing."  
"Kaylee's _crazy_ , man. She _scares_ me."  
"Is that my name, I heard?" The same Kaylee smiles, walking up specifically go Damien with heart eyes and a smirk on her face.  
Sam frowns, still not very joyful about the self esteem damage she's caused him.  
"Uhhh...Yeah..." Damien's face flushes.  
"Thinking about me?" Kaylee smirks at him.  
"Uh..."  
"Well I've been thinking about you too. A _lot_. About how I'd like to get you alone some time."  
Damien can't help the bulge that's sticking out of his pants right now.  
Sam scowls at him.  
"Oh, hey, Sam, right?" She looks at him, tone forced with innocence.  
"I almost didn't see you there."  
Steam might as well be rising from the top of his head.  
"Well, Damien, I'll see you around." She looks back directly at him, before squeezing his right thigh and strutting off.  
He creams his pants right then and there.  
" _Damien!"_ Sam snaps him out of his moment.  
"Huh?" He's practically drooling now.  
"Do _not._ Be fooled by her sex appeal. She is still a _snake_."  
"A sexy snake..."  
"Whatever, okay? We went out on _one_ date last year and then she was cheating on me with some guy at the school dance."  
"Were you guys exclusive?"  
"I _wanted_ to be! My point is don't-bone-her. She'll probably try to fake a pregnancy or something." He rants.  
Damien sighs. "Fine. I'll not-do it for you because you're my friend. I think I have a way to get her out of my hair."  
•••  
Cam's peacefully trying to look for Connor in the crowed cafeteria, when he hears a noise coming behind one of the trash cans he's walking by.  
"Pss. Cameron."  
He turns to the can with a frown.  
"Uhhh..."  
"It's Noah." He pops his head out.  
"What are you doing."  
"Can we talk? In like, private? I can't have Jude seeing you with me." He knows he shouldn't be doing this, but he's doing it anyway.  
"Uh...Okay."  
Cameron can't believe that this whole thing has sunk so low.  
•••  
"So, I, uh, wanted to say that I'm glad you're back."  
The two boys hide out in the janitor's closet farthest away from the cafeteria, standing inches apart.  
"Seriously? That's _all_ you wanted to say to me?"  
"No...I, uh, wanted to say that I missed you. Do, miss you, actually. I wish we could just hang out without having it to be this huge problem."  
Noah's so shocked and light headed that he almost forgets to speak.  
"I, uhhh, I missed you too. Miss." He corrects.  
The two chuckle.  
"I'm--I'm sorry it has to be this way..."  
Noah gazes into his eyes for a few seconds, leading them to share a short kiss with each other, moments later.  
When it's over, they can only stare at each other with shock and redness over the entirely of their faces.  
The pregnant silence is interrupted by Noah's phone buzzing in his pocket.  
"Uh-uh that's Jude texting me..." Noah can already tell.  
"You should get back..."  
"Yeah..."  
Before Noah leaves, they can't help but kiss again.  
This kiss being longer and heavier.  
•••  
Back in the cafeteria, Cameron can't keep his hard-on down, even while walking with Connor to an empty table.  
Sitting down next to each other has Connor notice.  
"Do _not_ tell me you made me wait for you just so you could jerk off."  
"N-no..." Cameron purposely looks away.  
" _Cameron..."_ Connor trails suspiciously trails on, eyeing him down.  
He notices him staring over at Noah, who sits alone with Jude and is looking more uncomfortable than ever.  
"What...Do you _like_ him?" Connor questions.  
"We kissed." Cameron whispers with redness on his face, looking back at Con'.  
" _What?!_ " He knows to shout whisper.  
"Twice..." Cam holds up two fingers.  
Connor leans in closer to him for dramatic affect.  
"Cameron...There can't be any 'secret affair' shit going on here. If Jude finds out about this, he's _gonna_ be fighting you in this cafeteria all over again." Connor's dead serious.  
After hearing those words, Noah gulps with anxiety.  
•••  
"You know what, no...Fine! No, fuck _you!"_ Sam looks at Damien for approval of his fake breakup call, cellphone up to his ear.  
The two of them standing in the middle of the lunchroom, Damien nods rapidly and motions for him to keep going.  
"No, _no..."_ Sam continues, gazing into space.  
He waits a few seconds.  
"Fine! I don't care! You know what-?! _Fine_. Have a nice life."  
He pretends to hang up.  
"Did that sound believable?" He looks at Damien.  
"Good enough for me."  
Kaylee walks over at the perfect timing, beaming at Damien.  
"Hey you."  
"Um hi..."  
"So I figured that we should probably go out sometime."  
"Uhhh..." Damien looks at Sam who nods for the signal.  
"I appreciate your...Attention, and all, but, I'm dating Sam..."  
She scoffs in disbelief. " _What?_ "  
"Yup." Sam steps closer to him.  
"I thought you were dating _Connor_."  
"I was, but, Damien's always been the one for me..." He tries to keep a straight face.  
"How long have you guys even known each-"  
"It doesn't matter! The point is, I'm with Sam. So...Bye."  
Kaylee grimaces. "This is such _bullshit."_  
"No it's not! See?" Sam takes Damien's hand in his.  
Damien nods again.  
Kaylee only stares in awe.  
"Whatever." Is all she says before storming away.  
The boys separate their hands and grin at each other.  
“Yeah!” They celebrate by high fiving.  
" _Homos!" Someone yells out.  
"Fuck you!"_ Damien screams.  
•••  
Wanting to stay the farthest away he could from this whole Cameron/Noah/Jude mess, Connor spent the rest of his day getting by on his own.  
He figures that will have to continue, when neither Adam or Mandy can pick him up, and the last bus leaves property.  
"Hey." He hears the voice of someone familiar call out, had not even making it into the parking lot.  
There stands Callie, against the hood of her car.  
"What's up..."  
"You walking?"  
"It's my only choice now, yeah."  
"You need a ride?" She offers.  
His pupils shrink. "Uhhh...Isn't Jude, riding with you?"  
"He's riding with Noah."  
_'Noah who cheated on him? Great.'_  
"Um...Sure, I don't see why not."  
"Aw, don't be scared. I don't bite." She smirks, raising her eyebrows.  
He laughs.  
•••  
Sam's trying his best to speed walk outside into the parking lot, to meet Dylan and get the hell out of there.  
"Hey, tranny!" Colin calls out with an even grin, walking over from behind and pulling Sam in his direction by the grab of his shoulder.  
"Go away..." Sam's voice shakes, now feeling intimidated by him.  
"Got something to say, freak?" He shoves him.  
" _Stop it,_ Colin." Damien demands, storming over and grabbing Sam's wrist to pull him closer.  
Colin snickers. "What are _you_ gonna do about it?"  
"Nothing. I'm gonna _walk away,_ and you should too. Don't _touch_ my fucking...Uh, boyfriend...” He looks at Sam for approval.  
“Yeah! Sure!” Sam yells to Colin.  
“Let’s go...” He awkwardly takes Damien’s slippery hand, and leads him away for Colin to watch in shocked disbelief.  
•••  
They notice that people surrounding them outside are staring, causing them to blush and look back at each other.  
"So, I'll uh, see you tomorrow?" Damien asks.  
"Yeah..." Sam smiles.  
They look around again at the stares, and give each other approving eyes.  
Damien quickly kisses his cheek, the two awkwardly scoffing and saying their last goodbyes.  
Sam speed walks over to Dylan inside his parked car, who just happened to see that whole thing.  
"What the hell was _that-?"_ He whispers as Sam closes the door and buckles his seatbelt in the passenger's seat.  
"I can explain."  
When Damien walks back to Andy and Robert, they have even more questions.  
•••  
Callie insists that Mariana sit in the backseat, so Connor can sit up front.  
"Uh, thanks for going this..." He thanks the girls.  
"Oh, it's no trouble." Callie says.  
Mariana only nods in his direction.  
"So, are you sure this isn't some sort of ride to my death because I happen to be your little brother's ex?" He makes sure.  
Callie and Mar' laugh. "No Connor. There's no bad blood." Mar' smiles.  
He chuckles. "Okay good..."  
"So how's your Dad?" Callie asks.  
"He's good. He's engaged."  
Both girls beam at once, and Connor snickers.  
"Callie tells me you're seeing someone." Mariana smirks.  
Connor chuckles. "Yeah. Sam. He's back in L.A..."  
"He cute?" Mariana teases.  
Connor blushes.  
"I saw them at the beach together over the summer; let's just say Connor's _pre-tty_ lucky."  
Hearing them giggle, he can only continue to remain embarrassed.  
"Can't you guys tease _Jude_ about this kinda stuff?" He begs.  
"It's not really a teasing matter." Callie mutters, now serious.  
Connor can see why that is. "Well in that case, feel free to tease me all you want I guess."  
"I bet you loved seeing him with his shirt off, huh Connor?" Mariana doesn't hold back.  
Callie cackles.  
"Okay, never mind." Connor turns on the radio. This leads the the three of them to continually but playfully argue about what stations to play, the girls teasing Connor 'this is your song to Sam' whenever a love song comes up.  
"Wait, _wait!_ " Mariana smiles, when Connor changes the song she likes to a classic punk station.  
Should I Stay Or Should I Go comes on.  
"Wait." Connor stops Callie from turning the knob.  
"Sam likes this song." He recalls him repeatedly texting him all of the lyrics over and over, last night.  
"Oh, Stranger Things!" Mariana beams.  
"My point exactly." Connor smiles, having Callie laugh.  
He gets permission to turn it up, having Sam on his mind the entirety of the song, and the rest of the way home.  
•••  
"Wait--so you're telling me that you're _hanging out_ with his sisters?" Sam can't believe what he's hearing, on the phone with Connor while attempting to do homework at the same time in his bedroom.  
His eyes lazily roam words that don't matter to him, in a History textbook that certainly doesn't matter to him either.  
"Okay I did not say I was _hanging out_ with them. I just got a _ride_." Connor clarifies in a smile, inside his room as well, being alone in the house.  
"Don't engage any further, Connor. Next thing you know you're being invited to the family barbecue and Jude's there getting high off the grill fumes."  
"You are _ridiculous_." Connor smiles, walking over and sitting on his bed.  
Sam chuckles, highlighting a random sentence with his pencil.  
"Sam! I'm going to meet Sierra!" Dylan yells from downstairs.  
"Okay, bye!"  
He hears him leave, now being the only one there.  
"And get this. What I'm about to tell you next will make your _brains_ explode."  
"Try me." Sam teases.  
"Noah and Cameron kissed."  
" _What?! Holy shit!_ " Sam perks up, dropping the pencil.  
"Jude has no idea. And I'm gonna make sure it stays that way."  
Sam chortles. "Yeah. I can only imagine what would happen if he _did_."  
"Guess what song I listened to today."  
"I'm The Only One?"  
"Nope."  
"In The Air Tonight?" Sam knows it'll be a song that relates to a memory they had together.  
"Should I Stay Or Should-"  
"You watched Stranger Things?!" Sam's all smiles, standing up now.  
"I never said _that_. I heard it in the car and it made me think of you."  
Now pacing around, Sam giggles.  
"So how was your day? Anyone give you any shit?" Connor turns serious.  
"A little, but Damien stuck up for me."  
' _Damien who I'm pretending to date, but let's not bring that up.'_  
"Good. If I was there I'd sure as hell stand up for you too."  
Sam smiles. "I'm flattered. I miss the fuck out of you."  
"Same here." Connor practically whines.  
"Have you talked to your Dad about moving back?"  
"No, but I still gotta talk to my Mom too. I'm sure she'll love to have me back but I can't get ahold of her."  
"Do you think she's okay?"  
"Yeah. Richard's gone, remember?"  
"But do we _really_ know that?" Sam drops the question.  
Connor tenses up, muscles tightening and stomach knotting.  
"Yeah. Uh, I should go. I'll talk to later, 'kay? Love you."  
"Love you. Bye."  
Connor hangs up, to anxiously and wondrously call Jeanette again.  
Voicemail.  
"Hey, Mom it's me. Just checking in. Love you. Call me back..."  
He hangs up with a migraine and thumping heart.  
Face covered with sweat, he tries his best unable to say the same with tears that hide behind his eyes.  
•••  
September 13th:  
Sam knows he shouldn't be surprised with what he sees on Damien's home page the next morning, but still isn't happy about it.  
"You're ' _in a relationship' with me?!_ " He keeps his voice low while demanding the question to Damien, when he storms up to him at school before first class.  
"Yeah, _so?"_ Damien instantly gets the gist.  
"I mean, people think we're dating so why not 'confirm it' online. I'm not telling you to change _your_ status."  
While Sam's current status is simply 'taken', it doesn't say specifically who he's actually with.  
" _Why_ are you so freaked out about this Sam."  
"I just don't want so many people _knowing_ , okay...?"  
"Why? Scared it'll get around to Connor? Have you not _told_ him?"  
"No, he'll get all weird and insecure about it."  
"Well he _shouldn't_. And _you_ shouldn't either. We're just doing minor shit. All you'll have to do is kiss my cheek and hold my hand sometimes."  
Sam sighs unsurely. "Fine. But-"  
"How's the happy couple?" Kaylee fake beams, walking up to them with folded hands.  
Both boys lurch around to her the same time.  
"Uh, hey, Kayleee...!" Damien forces a smile, grabbing Sam's sweaty hand into his.  
"What's up?"  
"Just checking on you guys."  
"What do you mean by that...?"  
"Oh, nothing. Just wouldn't want any nonsense going on behind my back. Because if there was, I'd have to _punish_ you."  
After squeezing Damien's left ass cheek, she leaves them to be alone.               “I'm pretty sure that qualifies as sexual harassment..." Sam whispers.  
"Yeah, we gotta step our game up." Is what Damien responds with, squeezing his hand.  
" _What?!_ But you just said-!" Sam's high pitched confusion is interrupted with a hard kiss implanted on his lips, by Damien.  
He weakly returns the favor, their kiss lasting for an average three seconds.  
"Bye...Uh, babe."  
“I hate you.”  
Damien walks away, leaving Sam to whisper to himself with a scarred look on his face; "I’m pretty sure _that_ qualifies as sexual harassment too...” He rubs his lips.  
•••  
On the verge of running late, Connor hastily and nervously asks Adam in their kitchen if he's heard from Jeanette lately.  
"Nope, why?" Adam's focused on rummaging through the bills, leaning before the desk counter.  
"I'm worried about her...I haven't heard from her since Sunday."  
"Give it some time." Adam turns to him empty handed.  
"Don't worry, okay? You gotta get to school. You missed your bus and I gotta leave too so Mandy can drive you."  
Adam doesn't seem to understand how serious this is. But of course he doesn't. It's not like he actually knows what's going on.  
Inside of Connor there's an unknown screaming figure screaming and just demanding to get out.  
Except they can't seem to actually find their voice.  
Connor gulps.  
•••  
Mandy can sense Connor's worry on the way to school, but decides not to say anything about it.  
Rushing through the parking lot, he gets a call from the one and only.  
"Mom! Hi, I was worried about you."  
"Oh, don't be sweetie. I got your message from last night. I'm so sorry I haven't been able to talk. I've just been so busy with work."  
"Yeah, no I get it." Connor casually answers while entering the building, but can still sense something off in her tone.  
"What time is it? Don't you have class?"  
"Uhhh.." He speed walks down the hallway.  
"I can spare some time."  
"Oh, no. I don't want to hold you back. I love you, okay sweetie?" She emphasizes her last sentence.  
"Alright...Love you too Mom..." He's uneasy, stopping short at his locker.  
"Bye." She hangs up, and for some reason, Connor feels like crying all over again.  
•••  
"Hey,” Damien walks up to Sam after first period in the hall.  
"You weren't returning my texts last night. Did that whole thing yesterday make you feel weird?"  
"That's _kind_ of what I wanted to talk to you about...I think we should, just, stop..." Sam admits.  
" _Why?_ Was I too touchy? If you think that I'm gonna start actually liking you like from that show on MTV, then don't worry."  
"I know, but...I'm sorry. It just doesn't feel right. Isn't there any other way you can Kaylee off your back?"  
" _No way, man!_ She scares me. She's already on to us, and if she finds out that--"  
"Hey, guys." Speak of the devil, she walks right up to them.  
"You going to Holly's party on Friday?" She wonders.  
"Uhhh..." Damien starts, while Sam glares at him hoping he'll say no.  
"Yes."  
"I don't even know who Holly is." Sam thinks that would qualify as an excuse.  
"Doesn't matter. She's having a campfire. Booze, marshmallows, and everyone's really laid back. That means you guys shouldn't have a problem showing off your relationship, right?" She smirks.  
Sam was especially turned off by hearing 'booze.'  
"Uh, yup, totally." Damien takes Sam's hand again and even has their shoulders touch.  
"Cool. She lives on Marvin road. House two of four. Starts around seven."  
"Cool..." Sam repeats weakly.  
The 'couple' face each other with separated hands, when she's gone.  
"Sam, _please_."  
" _No!_ I'm not going to some _dumb_ campfire just to please _you_. I don't think I can keep doing this."  
"Are you fake breaking-up with me?"  
"When you put it that way, yes. Now go kiss some _other_ guy at the party if you want Kaylee off your back."  
He walks away, and Andy, who heard that entire dialogue, walks up to Damien in Sam's place.  
"Wow."  
"I know...So if your lips aren't busy on Friday-“  
" _No_ , Damien.  
"Die."  
•••  
While in the library looking for a historical fiction book of his choice for an assigned book report, he spots Jude and Noah in the book section in front of the one he's on his way to.  
Instead of making out like he would except a  teen couple to do in a book section, they seems to be whispering with debate.  
He heads into the section behind them, and quietly moves away a series of books on the right top shelf to get a good view of them.  
Unsurprisingly, Jude's eyes are dilated.  
"Do you know how _stupid_ it is to do that shit here?" Noah whispers to Jude.  
"So fucking what? I did it anyway. Get the hell _over_ it." Jude fires back.  
"I just don't understand _why_ you have to be so difficult all the time."  
Jude leaves a loud slap across Noah's cheek.  
Connor has to cover his mouth with one hand on top of the other to not make a sound.  
It's now quiet between the two.  
"I should go..." Noah whispers tenderly.  
Connor beats him to it.  
•••  
"You weren't planning on getting together with Noah again, were you?" He whispers to Cameron who he sits next to in class.  
"Yeah, why?"  
"You guys _cannot_ see each other until he and Jude are officially broken up."  
"I thought we already talked about this..." Cameron has no intention of listening to him.  
"Cameron, _please_ promise me. It's already way too risky with Jude still in the picture. He's already _way too_ abusive towards him..."  
"What are you talking about..."  
•••  
Right after Cameron heard about the slap, he knew sneaking around with Noah behind Jude's back was strictly off limits. When they met again, he told Noah he'd have to break it off with Jude, before he and Cam could start things up again.  
Which Noah was not happy about.  
"Connor!" Noah storms up to him at the end of the day. He doesn't look happy one bit.  
"Yeah...?"  
"Who _told_ you about what happened with Jude."  
"I saw it for myself."  
"Well now that you told Cam he _refuses_ to see me unless I break up with Jude."  
"Good." Connor crosses his arms.  
"Connor you _know_ I can't do that."  
"He's _a-bu-sive._ So why would you think that _cheating on him was a good idea?!_ " Connor whispers with flinging arms.  
"Because Cameron actually makes me feel _safe_."  
"Yeah. And he can make you feel safe when Jude is _out of the picture."_  
"It's not that easy, Connor!"  
"Whatever."  
Having enough of this conversion, he walks off.  
Unfortunately, right now he should understand Noah's situation more than anyone.  
•••  
September 14th:  
"Hi, Mom, how are you? I love you." Connor informs her at the kitchen table the next morning, after answering her call.  
"Hey, baby. I love you too. You getting ready for school?"  
"Yeah. Just ate. Uh, I was just wondering when I could see you again?"  
"Um, maybe I could stop by..." She still has that exhaustion in her voice.  
"Uh, is it okay if I go down there this weekend...?" Knowing that things aren't one hundred percent right, he wants to inspect things.  
"Um I don't think that's such a good idea."  
"Why not...?" He frowns.  
"Just--the house is a mess. Well the main reason is that I picked up some shifts."  
"Mom...? How would you feel if I came back and stayed with you for a little while? You don't sound right, you sure you're okay?"  
This has Adam perk up while he wipes down the counters, stopping midway to eye his son.  
"Not right now, honey. It's just not a good time." Jeanette shamefully admits.  
"Why not? Are things with you and Dave okay?"  
"Things with him are fine."  
"Well--"  
"Just please leave it alone honey..." She whispers, covering her own mouth in shock. She bends her head down, getting a sudden migraine. Tears are blinked away.  
"Um...Okay...I'm sorry..."  
"It's fine. You should go. I love you. I _love_ you, baby."  
"Yeah...Love you too..."  
She hangs up before he can.  
Noticing that Connor looks like he's about to be sick while setting the phone down, Adam walks closer to him.  
"Connor...? You okay?"  
Now blatantly staring into space, he responds with nothing.  
"You want to go back there...? Is-is everything okay I thought you liked it here-"  
"Just _leave me alone,_ Dad!" He yells, facing him with tears down his cheeks.  
He can see the broken look in his eyes.  
" _Connor_ -"  
"Oh, _fuck this."_ He whispers, picking up and the phone and roughly standing up. Hastily putting on his shoes and a jacket, he stumbles out of the house and pushes past Mandy in the process.  
"Connor! Your backpack!" Adam yells.  
Now sprinting down the sidewalk on his early way to the bus stop, he ignores him.  
"What's wrong with him...?" Mandy asks skeptically, stepping inside and closing the door.  
Adam doesn't know what to say, this time.  
•••  
Now at school, Connor angrily sips the small orange soda can he bought from the vending machine in the packed hallway.  
" _Connor!"_ Jude yells with bloodshot eyes, hasting up to him.  
"What."  
"You _touched_ Noah?!" He demands.  
"No but I know _you_ fucking did so why don't you keep your _fucking hands_ off him?" Connor snaps, almost dropping his drink from anger.  
"That's what he told _me_." Jude declares.  
"What? _Bullshit_. You're fucking stoned like _always_ , Jude, why should I believe a word you say."  
"Don't _fucking_ go near him again!" Jude screams, getting closer and grabbing onto both sides of his jacket.  
"How about _you_ don't fucking go near him again, okay?! And get some fuckin' anger management."  
In response, Jude knocks the can out of his hand and onto the floor, the two watching the liquid spill on the tiled floor into a puddle.  
"You're dead." He threatens.  
"Okay." Connor almost laughs, peeking a smile.  
" _Dead!"_ Jude repeats louder, now stomping away with his middle finger in the air.  
Connor's next mission is to find Noah, to see what's bullshit and what's not.  
•••  
"Yo. Noah." He catches up with him on the way to class.  
"Get away from me Connor."  
"Oh, so what, since you're all pissed at me you go and tell your psycho boyfriend that I tried to _fuck_ you?!" Connor screams at the top of his lungs, not bothering to follow him anymore.  
"You say Jude's abusive, Connor? Well look at him now; trying to fucking _protect_ me." Noah turns around.  
"Yeah by trying to fucking _kill_ me!"  
"Get the _fuck_ away from him!" Jude yells from across the hall, returning to Connor with a grimace.  
"Fuck off Jude you and your boyfriend are _both_ fucking liars."  
" _Watch yourself._ " Jude pushes him.  
"What the _fuck_ is going on?" Cameron asks, walking over with Noah now gone.  
"Nothing-"  
"Noah's a fucking liar, _that's_ what's going on." Connor interrupts.  
"You're a fucking _freak!"_ Jude responds.  
" _Alright!_ Alright. Come on." Cameron grumbles, gripping Connor's wrist and pulling him away before things can get any worse.  
" _Jesus."_  
•••  
During lunchtime in the cafeteria, Kaylee traps Sam near the trash cans.  
"Hey Sam. You and your boyfriend still on for the party?" She flutters her eyelashes.  
"Go away, Kaylee."  
"What's wrong? Trouble in paradise?" Her tone is purposely innocent.  
"You know what? Just stay the _hell_ out of our business Kaylee. And stay _away_ from Damien." Fed up, he leaves the room in frustration.  
Damien who was a passerby to the confrontation, strolls past Kaylee and follows him.  
"Hey..." They now stand twenty feet away from each other in the empty hallway.  
Sam stops walking.  
"Hi..." He turns around in his direction.  
"Uh...I saw that..."  
"Did you?"  
"Yeah...Thanks."  
Sam nods, awkwardly looking at the floor before back at him.  
"What are friends for?" He straightens his posture.  
"Yeah..." Damien smiles. "'What are friends for'..."  
They grin, chuckling.  
"Sooo, you still wanna go to that party? We don't have to kiss for Kaylee...We can just, hang out. Have fun."  
"You mean get shit faced while I stand by and uncomfortably watch?" Sam jokes.  
"No, man. It's a campfire. We can just sit around. Eat marshmallows and shit."  
Sam laughs. "Okay sounds good."  
"Okay." Damien smiles again.  
Deciding to ditch lunch, the friends walk outside onto the property's field, together.  
Little do they know that Kaylee who was standing fifteen feet away from them, now officially knows the entire truth.  
•••  
Connor can't seem to catch a break, when Jude corners him while he's simply trying to get the hell off of the school property.  
"Hey, fuck-wad. Stay the _fuck_ away from Noah."  
"I purposely avoided the liar all day; what do _want_ from me, asshole?  
"Don't _talk about him_ like that." Jude shoves him.  
"And you know what--he only said that because he's mad at me 'cause I told him to _stay away from you._ Wanna know _why?_ Because you're an _abusive-asshole."_  
Jude shoves him again, causing Connor to fight back without thinking.  
Suddenly getting into a physical hassle and feeling Jude beat him, Connor turns unresponsive as he has small flashbacks to Richard doing the same.  
" _Stop! Stop!"_ He yells, falling back to reality and feeling the physical pain that Jude has caused him all over his face and on his ribs.  
"What, you've had enough, you fucking triggered bitch?" Jude thinks it's funny.  
" _Fuck! You!"_ Connor shrieks, punching him repeatedly and sending him to the ground.  
He watches Jude scoff, and spit blood out onto the sidewalk.  
"And you say _I_ need anger management, asshole?"  
"Go fuck yourself."  
Connor almost purposely steps on him while walking away, but chooses to cut the kid some slack.  
•••  
In the middle of miserably walking home on the right side of the road, Callie and Mariana pull up in their car with the windows down.  
"Hey stranger." Callie says with a honk of the horn.  
Connor flinches and looks over at them, thinking they witnessed the fight he got in with their brother.  
"Need a ride? Or a hospital visit?" Mariana teases.  
Connor sighs. The vehicle stops, letting him get in the passenger's seat again.  
"Thanks."  
"So who did that to you?" Mariana asks from the backseat, resuming the drive.  
"No one you know..."  
•••  
September 15th:  
The day goes by fast for both Connor and Sam. Connor informs him on all the Noah/Jude/Cameron drama, without mentioning the part where he and Jude bashed heads to keep from worrying him.  
Meanwhile Adam had a lot of demands about it.  
At school, Cameron, who's heartbroken about Noah turning on the both of them, is the only person that Connor hangs around with now; the two of them avoiding the you-know-who's.  
Jeanette left him a text saying that she'll see him soon but didn't pick up when he tried to call, which only made him anxious as usual.  
Sam hasn't seen Erin around school since Monday.  
He told Connor that he and Damien are going to a party tomorrow night, but never mentioned the fact that they fake dated for under forty eight hours.  
It might as well had never happened.  
Connor tries not to let his jealousy get the best of him knowing that Sam and Damien have gotten closer, but forces a smile and happy tone anyway.  
The next day is when all hell breaks loose.  
September 16th:  
Adam restricts Connor from going to school to give him a 'break from all the drama that's been going on.'  
"But you let me go yesterday...!" He defends weakly, already all dressed and ready for the day standing near front door of the house. He spreads his arms out at Adam, who stands ten feet across from him.  
"I know. But it's stressing you out too much, Connor. Take a breather." He didn't think he'd have to say these words sternly.  
"But I-I gotta protect Cameron in his time of need...!"  
"You can do that over the phone."  
Connor sighs, recalling that he now has his phone number.  
"I gotta go, okay bud?" He kisses the top of his head. "Call if you need anything. Mandy's gonna drop by a few times to check up on you. Okay?"  
"Okay..."  
After Adam's left, Connor texts Callie who he was supposed to hang out with today, and who he also got the number of.  
**Dad's making me take a relaxation day. Talk to you later.**  
He makes sure to text Cameron, taking the day off tell me if anyone bothers you ok?  
Last but not least he sends to Sam:  
**Be careful if u go to that party ok? Take ur meds. Tell me if ur having problems with ur gender. Don't let anyone give you shit for it. Love you <3 **  
•••  
Eventually, still home alone around the time of noon, he hears a knock on the front door.  
"Come in!" He yells from upstairs on his bed, assuming it's Mandy.  
There's another knock.  
Thinking that Adam locked the door, he groans quietly and sprints downstairs to open it.  
On the porch, instead of Mandy like expected, is Jeanette.  
Her face is wrinkled and shines with sweat. The first thing his eyes go to after staring into hers, is the dark bags that lie underneath.  
"Mom...?" He eyes the black duffel bag inside her right fist. Maybe she needs to stay here.  
"Oh dear. What happened..." She focuses on his beating.  
"School. It's fine. Come in." He lets her step inside.  
"Uh, is your father here? I wasn't expecting to see you but I'm glad you're here." She says as he closes the door.  
"He's at work. He didn't want me going to school today. Just to relieve stress. Is everything alright...? You're scaring me."  
"Don't be scared. Something really unexpected came up at work."  
"Did they let you go...?"  
"No, honey. You know how I used to go on long business trips before you stayed with me?"  
"Yeah..." He gets the idea.  
"Well they just assigned me the first one in a long while..."  
"W-when do you have to leave? How long will you be gone...?"  
"I have to leave by tonight. It's in New York. Should be for at least a few months. I wish I didn't have to, but I have to leave baby..."  
"Oh..." Connor wishes he could say that he's not disappointed.  
He remembers hearing about his Mom going on long business trips when he was younger, one that even lasted up to almost a year.  
What disappoints him even more is the possibility that she's covering up something.  
"I'm sorry. I know you've wanted to start staying with me again. But I promise you when I'm back you can stay with me as long as you need to, okay? Are you and Dad not getting along?"  
"Oh, no, Dad and I are fine. I just... _Really_ miss you. I wanted to make sure you were okay."  
"Oh, honey, don't worry about me. I'm okay."  
He knows it's not the truth.  
"I, uh, wanted you to have this..." Out of the bag, she takes a sealed white envelope, and hands it to him.  
"Don't open it until I leave."  
"Okay..."  
She brings him in for a hug. "I _love_ you, Connor..." She's already crying.  
"I love you too Mom..." He hugs her back.  
When stepping away, she shares, "I gotta get going. I wish I didn't, but, I have so many deadlines and such."  
"Yeah..." His face practically breaks. "Uh, what about Dave?"  
"We still keep in touch."  
"Are you guys not together anymore?"  
"It's complicated, my boy."  
Like Adam did, she kisses him on the top of his head.  
"I know I haven't been the best mother lately. I've been hard on you."  
"Mom don't say that. You're _great_. Know that."  
"I love you..." She whispers softly, showing a small smile. Their hands intertwine.  
In response, he hugs her again. Tighter and longer this time with tears being cried into her torso.  
The second she's hesitantly stepped out the door, Connor anxiously tears open the envelope.  
Cash. Up to five thousand dollars.  
" _What...?"_ He's breathless, counting the stack repeatedly.  
Was this for Adam? Some kind of late delivery of child support? He wonders how she trusted him with this kind of power. Not that he can't be trusted.  
But inside is also a note written with black sharpie, on a small blank piece of paper in her handwriting.  
**Connor-whatever you do, do NOT go back to that town. It's for your own protection.**  
His tears stain the paper, smudging the ink.  
He has to cover his mouth to keep from screaming out loud.  
•••  
Sam is the only person he knows to turn to, at this point.  
"Connor?" She worriedly responds to his hyperventilating on the other line, pacing around the empty school hallway she had to excuse herself to in the middle of lunch.  
"My Mom...She left..."  
"Left where?"  
" _Town_. I'm not at school today and she stopped by expecting to see my Dad. She handed me this envelope with five thousand dollars and a note that said not to go back to L.A. I think she's getting away from Richard. I _thought_ he was gone."  
"What-well--" it's a lot of information for Sam to take in.  
"She said she's going on a long business trip to N.Y. She used to go on a lot when I was younger, but-but I know she's _really_ trying to get away." He barely finishes.  
"Connor? _Listen_ to me. She's leaving. She's _getting away_. I thought Richard was gone too, but that means she _got away."_  
"Yeah..." Connor wipes his tears, hugging his knees on the top stair step he hides on.  
"What if I never see her again..?"  
"You _will_. And you _are_ gonna come back here again."  
"What if Richard's still there..."  
"Then we make sure he's gone too."  
Chills run down Connor's spine.  
"Maybe I can try to call the-"  
"Sam, _no_. _Don't_ get involved with this. You're right. All that matters is that she's away from him. Besides-Richard can't sit around waiting for me to return forever, right? He'll _have_ to give up at some point. I promise I'll come visit you soon."  
"I just don't see why we can't tell anyone about this, now."  
"It's still too complicated. I can't even get my Mom to confess yet. We need to figure out where to start."  
"Alright...I'm so sorry you have to go through this."  
"It's okay-"  
"No. It's not."  
"I should let you go..."  
"Are you sure? I _don't_ want you being alone like this."  
"It's fine. Mandy should be checking up on me soon."  
"Are you gonna tell her? She knows enough."  
To that, Connor doesn't have an answer.  
"I'll talk to you later, alright? I-I love you too."  
"Love you more..."  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah...Just--dysphoria."  
"Has anyone harassed you?"  
"Not really. I'm going to that party tonight with Damien."  
"Alright. Be safe."  
"You need that more than me, right now."  
"You take your meds yet?"  
"Yeah." She fibs.  
"Don't get into trouble, Samantha." He teases.  
Scoffing, she informs her love for him again, and they hang up.  
In the garage, Connor finds one of his old metal baseball bats, in which he hides under his bed.  
When he hears a noise from the downstairs, he flinches and slowly takes it out from under.  
Slowly walking down the stairs while holding it high in the air, he enters downstairs with his heart in his stomach.  
In front of him steps Mandy, causing them to both gasp. Connor shamefully holds the bat back, sighing exasperatedly.  
"Sorry. I-I thought you were--breaking in..."  
"What's going on?" Mandy squints.  
"Nothing. I just, get jumpy when I'm home by myself."  
She stares him down.  
With that he confesses everything in a mess of tears, repeatedly making her promise that Adam won't be finding out about this.  
She hesitantly agrees.  
•••  
That evening before they're supposed to be going to the party, Sam and Damien are lazily hang out in her room together; Sam laying on her bed and Damien flipping through their abandon photo album from the closet.  
"You know, you could _not_ look through my stuff." Sam teases, watching him flip through the book on the floor.  
"I _could_ have cloned you, but fortunately for you I chose not to." He teases back, stopping on one certain picture.  
"The world already can't handle one of me." Says Sam.  
"Is this your Mom...?" Damien points to the picture.  
Tensing up, Sam hesitantly stands before her bed.  
"Lemme see..." She mutters, walking over and kneeling down next to him.  
In the picture stands his mother Emma, who was impregnated with Dylan at the time.  
There's one hand on her white shirt covered far along bump, and the other running through her hair.  
On her glowing face is a big, white shining smile. If the bump wasn't visible, you would have never thought she was pregnant.  
Sam always considered that their favorite picture of her.  
"Yeah...That's her."  
"This was '98." Damien reads the picture date on the right bottom corner of the photograph.  
"Yeah. My Dad took that. She gave birth to Dylan a month later."  
"It was taken really well...She looks a lot like you."  
"Yeah. She did."  
Damien then realizes how he had worded that.  
"Sorry..." He closes the book and sets it down.  
"You okay?"  
"I guess, yeah."  
"We can go to the party. You'll cheer up there."  
" _No_. I won't." Sam's broad.  
"Why don't you wanna go?" Damien's brow furrows.  
"Because I don't wanna see a bunch of shit that's gonna _upset_ me." Sam acts like he should know this.  
"What do you mean?"  
"You're just gonna _be all over me_ because of _Kaylee_ anyway." Sam retorts.  
"We _agreed_ that we're not doing that anymore! At least not to such an extreme." Damien defends.  
"Well I don't want to at _all_. Why is this so _important_ to you? You're being a pussy." She insults.  
"It's not _about_ that."  
"Then what _is_ about? Making her jealous? I _knew_ it. You really _do_ want her attention and you're just _using_ me for it."  
"Maybe I do like the attention she's giving me but I would never intend to _use you-"_  
"You want to get her into bed so bad? Go to the party _without me_ and see her _there_." Sam fires.  
" _Fine."  
"Fine!"_  
It's now quiet between them, who are only looking around and sneaking small glares.  
"Well _leave!"_ Sam figures that's what's supposed to happen next.  
" _Fine!_ Adios." Damien stands up and stomps over to the door.  
He slams it while leaving.  
The loud sound which is a reminder of all bad things when medication is lacked, triggers her almost instantly into a panic attack.  
•••  
Sam doesn't come downstairs for dinner until a quarter to seven thirty.  
"You okay?" Ken studies her carefully, waiting for her to take a seat.  
"Damien and I got into a fight..."  
"'Bout what?" Dylan wonders, Sam sitting next to him.  
"He likes some girl I used to go out with and it's just really annoying." Sam mutters, taking an angry bite of her chicken.  
"That bitch Kaylee?" Dylan figures.  
"Mm-hm..." Sam swallows the food.  
"You know what? Scratch that-he doesn't even ' _like'_ her.' He just thinks she's hot because she gives him unnecessary attention."  
"Well maybe if you two talked out your differences, you'll work it out. Where is he?" Dad wonders.  
Sam stays quiet, until she asks if she can be excused.  
"Sure, yeah..."  
Dylan follows her to their room.  
"What're you thinking about?" He can tell, door now closed shut.  
"This whole situation is mostly my fault..." Sam looks at him bleakly. "I feel really bad for the things I said to him. I shouldn't care if he wants to sleep with her, or even likes her."  
"Okay, good. So apologize."  
"That's the thing--can you take me to him? He's at some sort of campfire party and Dad _sure_ as hell won't approve."  
Dylan shrugs. "Okay. I'll tell Dad I'm being a good brother and taking you for ice cream or some shit."  
"Except you're not." Sam's smug.  
The two snicker at each other, before Dylan trots downstairs to make claims to Ken.  
He decides to simply inform that he's dropping him off to Damien's house to apologize, instead of the ice cream claim since Sam won't be with Dylan when he's arrived back.  
While hearing the faded conversation from the top floor, Sam eyes the pill bottle on her dresser that she hasn't touched in two days.  
This is a party they're going to. If just one door slam gave her an anxiety attack, God only knows what would happen to her at a booze and noise filled party.  
She hesitantly walks over, grabbing it and pouring six pills into her palm.  
" _SAM! YOU COMING OR NOT?!"_ Dylan shouts from downstairs, causing her to jump and drop the pills onto the carpet.  
Steadying her breaths, she unfamiliarly looks around and has no choice but to escape the room.  
Leaving her medication behind.  
•••  
At the barely eventful dinner table, Connor and Mandy try their best to act like they don't know anything.  
"So she really left for New York?" Adam wonders, that being the only information Connor told him. But not the actual reason why.  
"Yeah. She stopped by and told me. She was expecting to talk to you, but..."  
"Hm. I just can't believe her company started that up again. And for such a long period of time?"  
"Yeah..." Connor shamefully looks down at his food.  
"I'm sorry Connor. I know you've been wanting to see her more. I'll make sure you guys talk everyday."  
"Thanks..." Connor keeps his voice low, continuing to not look at him.  
Mandy only nods in support.  
"Uh-can I see Cameron tonight? He texted me." Connor looks back at him.  
"I don't think that's such a good idea, Connor. You should just stay in tonight..." Adam doesn't want to have to say it.  
"But...It won't be for long. He just needs a shoulder to lean on about what's been happening at school."  
"Speaking of school, you can see him there. On Monday."  
"Dad, come on. You're not even letting me go _there_. What; I'm on lockdown all of a sudden?" He interrogates. If he's being this strict because of a few slip ups, Connor doesn't want to imagine what he would be like if he found out about the 'Richard situation.'  
"Connor-" Mandy tries to reason.  
" _No!"_ He slams down his fork and shoves his way out of his chair.  
"This is _bullshit._ "  
"Connor. _Don't_ be like that." Adam's not in the mood.  
"Maybe I wouldn't _have_ to be like this if you'd just _let me go!"_  
Not having time for them to be unresponsive, Connor stomps upstairs and into his room.  
As time passes by with no interaction from them, he forms a plan in his head and does what he does best.  
Sneak out.  
•••  
Damien's more than happy to see Sam arrive in the backyard of the host's party.  
"Hey!" He smiles, as Sam walks over and sits down next to him on one of the logs in front of the fire that lots of other teens sit on around them.  
"Hey. So, wanna 'get back together', significant other?" Sam teases.  
Damien laughs. "Sure. I saw Kaylee around here a few times. She kept asking where you were...You know what?" He finally realizes.  
"We don't _have_ to keep doing this. You're right. She's just being manipulative. Who _cares_ what she thinks-?"  
"Well, well, well!" She chirps loudly, clapping her hands as she walks over behind him.  
The teens in front of her freeze, feeling cold all of a sudden despite the fire running in front of them.  
"Looks like the happy campers are finally together!"  
Everyone else at the fire is now staring at the three of them.  
"Kaylee, go away. Quit getting in our business." Damien snaps.  
"Aw, am I ruining your alone time? There's not anything to hide, is there? 'Cause that'd be too bad." She looks right at Damien, who's scowling.  
"Or are you just too scared to admit you want me?"  
Angered and fed up by what she feels the need to do to them, Sam grabs Damien by his shirt and full on kisses him.  
Everyone surrounding them gasps with surprise, including Kaylee.  
They don't stop there.  
•••  
Cameron answers the repeated fierce knocks on his apartment door.  
"Hey, wasn't expecting you so early." He greets Connor, having him step in and closing the door.  
"Yeah. I snuck out."  
"You _what?_ Connor you didn't have to-"  
"My Dad wouldn't let me. Has me on lockdown ever since I got in that fight with you know who. I just have a lot of shit going on at home..."  
Cameron observably nods. "Yeah. Same here..."  
They both sit down on the couch.  
"So, uh, how was the hell hole today?"  
"Annoying. Noah's acting like he wants nothing to do with me. I think the 'relationship' with him and Jude has gotten even worse."  
Connor scoffs, looking away for a moment.  
"Well I'm sorry. They're both assholes that you need to stay away from."  
Cameron nods. "Uh, thanks for coming. I'm sure you'd really rather be talking to your boyfriend or something." He chuckles.  
"Oh, uh, no no they're at a party." Connor clarifies, chuckling back.  
"Where are your parents?" He asks.  
"Out...They're trying to 'work through' the divorce."  
"Shit, I'm sorry. Mine are divorced too. Uh...My Mom's leaving for New York tonight..."  
"Why?" Cameron sits closer.  
Connor's tired of lying.  
"It-it's _really_ fucking complicated-" he's already on the verge of tears. "She has this abusive ex who's still out there and that's why I can't go back-"  
His phone vibrates with a text from Erin.  
"Shit, Connor I uh-"  
"Sorry, uh..." He interrupts him and struggles to grab the device out of his pocket, holding the bright screen up to his face.  
" _Erin?_ " He whispers, crinkling his forehead at her name. He never expected to hear from her again.  
Then again, it's probably a drunk text.  
When he sees what he sent her, he wishes that was the case.  
On his phone, is a picture of Damien and Sam kissing.  
The only thing she had typed below, were a long lagging sentence of question marks and exclamation points.  
His exact jumbled thoughts.  
Eyes glued to the screen, he can't even feel himself think anymore.  
"Connor?"  
•••  
Sam had claimed she needed to catch some air, and headed upstairs into the bathroom. Now washing her face with water and staring down her reflection, she starts to play back what she just did in her head.  
It wasn't her intention, but she still technically cheated. No strings were attached whatsoever, and it was only out of spite towards Kaylee.  
But she was _still_ unfaithful.  
The more she thinks about it, the more she cries.  
Connor just happens to call at the worst timing.  
Hyperventilating simply at the digital sight of his name, she hangs up in an instant.  
•••  
Beep.  
"Oh, so you're gonna fucking _hang up,_ huh?!" Connor demands as the start of his voicemail, angrily pacing around Cameron's apartment, who awkwardly watches on the comfort of his couch.  
"Did you _drink_ , or something? Because that's  _got_ to be the only exclamation. _Jesus, Sam._ And to find out from _Erin._ Jesus fuck- _call me back!"_  
He has to stop himself from chucking the device at the nearest wall.  
•••  
Instead of calling Connor back like she should, she calls Dylan to get her the hell out of there.  
"Hey, Dylan, uh...I did something really stupid. Can you come get me?"  
" _That_ didn't take long. Be right there."  
"Thanks."  
Right after hanging up she unlocks the door, and walks back out into the hallway.  
She casually walks past a group of three older boys, who are staring her down.  
"Hey, Sam."  
She doesn't recognize any of them.  
And even if she did, she wouldn't have any time to figure it out due to fact that they're slamming her with the nearest door, and knocking her onto the ground.  
" _What the fuck-?!"_  
"First a tranny, _and_ a faggot?" One asks, pulling her up by her shirt.  
"L- _let me go_." She barely wipes the blood coming out of her nose.  
"Guess you want surgery, huh? Don't worry. We can give it to ya." The second one threatens.  
She spits in the nearest one's eye.  
This has them attack her to the ground, and beat her gruesomely.  
Everyone's too drunk or distracted to bat an eye to the floor this is all happening on.  
There's blood and bruises from what she can feel everywhere, entire body sore and barely audible. One of her top front teeth are crooked and blood stained.  
" _Kill yourself!"_ She hears one of them yell out to her, as they abandon her on the hallway floor to suffer.  
If she could move an inch, she just might.  
She considers slowly bleeding out on the floor would be less painful, at this point.  
•••  
The _last_ time Erin binged on this much food, she was stoned.  
Feeling an unwanted tap on her shoulder in the middle of downing a muffin at the refreshments table, she shrieks and spins around, aiming the half eaten muffin at Dylan.  
"Sorry. I thought you were someone else..."  
"What are you _doing_ here Erin, getting shit faced?" He tests, crossing his arms.  
"For your _information_ -" she swallows the chewed pieces in her mouth.  
"I am in _hiding_." She throws the muffin back onto the table.  
" _That's_ even worse. What the hell are you _talking_ about."  
"These guys--I couldn't scrap up the money they wanted, so now they're kinda after me. I was supposed to meet them in the woods a few houses down almost thirty minutes ago."  
" _Jesus_." He hisses. "Let me help you, alright? You're not gonna face them alone."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah. We'll get them out of your hair. But first I gotta get Sam. Asked me to pick her up. You seen her?"  
"No, but why the _hell_ was she making out with Damien? Did she and Connor _break up_ or something, what the _hell_ have I _missed?"_  
"They're like pretending to date each other or something."  
" _What_." Her stomach drops.  
"Yeah. Damien's trying to make some girl jealous-"  
"Oh fuck. Oh fuck of fuck oh fuck." She anxiously repeats, turning away and taking out her phone.  
"What's the problem-?"  
"I sent a picture to Connor and gave him the wrong idea!"  
"I'm pretty sure he knows what the real story is. It's fine."  
Except he doesn't.  
"He might _not!"_ She holds the phone up to her ear, tapping her foot while waiting for him to pick up.  
Voicemail.  
"Listen, Connor. I don't know if you got that picture I sent you, but if you did it's _not_ what you think. Damien and Sam were only _pretending_ to date for Damien to make some girl jealous. She's not purposely hurting you. Okay?! So _don't_ do anything stupid."  
Too late.  
•••  
His phone, which flashes the notification for Erin's voicemail, sits on the floor below the couch.  
On that couch, two minutes into their heavy make out session, Connor's breaking apart to let out anxious breaths.  
"I'm sorry..." He stares into Cameron's eyes, still on top of him.  
"It's fine..." Cameron understands.  
Getting up and sitting next to him, Connor hyperventilates while hands run through his hair.  
"I shouldn't be doing this...I-I-oh my God _why_ am I doing this..." He's never felt more guilty in his life.  
"Hey. Uh, it's fine it makes sense for you to want to..." Cameron sits up and touches his shoulder.  
"Don't touch me."  
Connor stands up in a panic, his breaths and body figure both shaking.  
"I-I'm sorry..."  
Almost forgetting his phone, he leaves the apartment.  
•••  
Meanwhile, while Connor and Cameron may have stopped their make out session, Kaylee and Damien have not.  
"I think it's _so_ hot how you made out with a guy to get to me." She whispers, pushing him down on the bed inside the dark lit room.  
"Uh, yeah..." He's not entirely sure he wants to go through with this.  
"Um have you seen Sam-?"  
"No talking." She continues to heavily kiss his lips, now wrapping herself around him.  
"Uh-uh-" he slowly pulls away from her.  
"Sorry, I just-"  
He separates themselves, and steps out of the bed. "I just really need to find Sam."  
He leaves the room without another word, having Kaylee fume.  
•••  
" _Sam?! Sam?"_  
Erin and Dylan both call out her name, hastily running around the downstairs of the house trying to find her.  
"Maybe she left." Erin suggests, worriedly looking over at him.  
"I dunno, I'll call her."  
Back upstairs, Damien determinedly walks around the halls in hopes for Sam.  
Stopping in his tracks, he listens carefully at the faded ringing of a cellphone, in what sounds like a few rooms down.  
"Sam? Sam...?"                                  He follows the sound to a half open door only two rooms away.  
Slowly creeping it open, he finds Sam's cellphone sitting twenty feet away.  
Running over to it, he sees the missed call from Dylan.  
When he looks to his right, he sees Sam laid unconscious on the closet floor with a spilt bottle of prescription pills adjacent to their body.  
“Hey!!! Hey somebody help!!!”                                     
Dylan and Erin are one of the first few people up there.  
Erin shrieks at the sight, Dylan sprinting over while other passerby's help sit her up.  
"Why the _fuck_ is she all bruised?!" He demands through tears, inspecting her broken body while someone takes her down and lies her on the floor.  
"Benjamin, _you_ know CPR just do it!" One girl demands.  
Half of the people are already calling nine one one.  
"The ambulance is on its way!" Someone announces.  
Kaylee walks in, in the middle of everything.  
The look Damien gives her is terrified.  
Accidentally stepping on Sam's phone while in the middle of stumbling around, Erin looks down at the unlocked screen, not only showing Dylan's missed call.  
They had listened to the voicemail from Connor.  
•••  
In the middle of waiting for Callie to pick him up outside of Cameron's apartment building, Connor finishes listening to Erin's voicemail.  
" _Fuck! Fuck!"_ He walks over and kicks the nearest building wall.  
" _Dammit!"_ He can't believe he didn't listen to it before he made the mistake of being unfaithful. Spinning around and glaring into space, he starts trying to call Sam, to clear things up.  
Erin's incoming call stops him from hitting the call button.  
"Hello? Hello? Hey uh I got your voicemail and I feel like shit. Is she there? Can I talk to her?"  
His voice hastens.  
"She O.D’d...”  
"What?" He thinks he heard her incorrectly.  
"Sam. She just got taken to the hospital."  
" _What?_ " He's already having an anxiety attack.  
"She's _gonna_ be okay, right? Erin _tell me_ she's going to be okay."  
"We don't know. Dylan's about to take me now." She's crying again.  
"I-I-if I never left her that _fucking voicemail!"_ He starts blaming himself.  
"You never would've left that voicemail if _I_ never sent you that picture..." She had played the voicemail back to hear for herself.  
"I didn't _know_ they were pretending to be together."  
" _I didn't know either!"_ Connor shrieks, his hyperventilating resuming.  
"Erin I-I'm going over there..."  
" _What?"_  
"M-my Mom gave me money and I'll be there as soon as I can."  
"Your Mom gave you money? When-?"  
"It's a _long_ fucking story. I'll see you soon."  
"Wait you're serious? _Connor-!"_  
But he's already hung up, seeing Callie's car speed up in front of him.  
He throws himself into the passenger's seat and closes the door.  
"Hey is everything alright-?" She starts.  
"I need you to drive me back to my house to get some money. Then I need you to drive me to the closest airport."  
No more games.  
•••  
While Connor struggles to climb through the window of his bedroom, he can already hear Adam and Mandy's conversation downstairs through his wide opened door.  
Callie is parked down the street waiting.  
Trying his best to listen, he ends up falling hard onto the floor.  
"Did you hear something?" Mandy asks, having him turn still.  
"No, I don't think so."  
Their main topic of conversation resumes.  
"Maybe we should just let him stay out for the night." Mandy suggests, Connor walking over to the dresser drawer where he hid Jeanette's envelope.  
"Are you crazy? He's _fourteen!"_  
Taking out the envelope, he lifts up the fold and recounts the five grand.  
The note is still there, which his eyes lock on instantly.  
**Connor-Whatever you do, do NOT go back to that town. It's for your own protection.**  
He's already rebelling enough, right?  
Gulping slowly, he makes sure to close the drawer.  
"Exactly. How far could he _go?"_  
Oh, they have no idea.  
Holding the envelope tight, Connor slips back out the window, closing it shut and down the tree leading onto the grass.  
He returns to Callie, who speeds away once all doors of the cars are closed.  
•••  
Dylan and Erin sit next to each other in the E.R waiting room in silence, for what's felt like a whole hour.  
In reality it's only been eighteen minutes.  
"Those guys are still gonna wanna face me..." Erin breaks the silence, her voice cracked.  
Dylan looks over at her.  
"Can't you just not go, I mean we _kinda_ got something else going on..."  
The anonymous text she suddenly reads **it's been over an hour, bitch, where are you.**  
"They've been texting me from all these unknown numbers all week. My parents made me stay home for a few days. Couldn't scrap anything up."  
"Okay, how 'bout this--tell them your _best friend_ tried to kill themselves, is in the hospital and is still yet to officially be confirmed dead or alive." Dylan retorts, sitting up in his chair.  
It's quiet again.  
Erin sees his point, and ignores the text that she never would have been able to respond to anyway.  
"So Connor's really on his way over here?" He asks.  
"Guess so..."  
Sam's female doctor comes walking out.  
Dylan and Erin both stand up sick to their stomach.  
"Sam's breathing. We have him on oxygen but we don't know when he'll wake up."  
"Oh, _thank God._ " Erin's crying again.  
" _Jesus_." Dylan whispers in relief, shutting his eyes for a moment.  
"We almost thought time ran out for them. I've seen miracles, and this is definitely one of them. He's lucky to be alive."  
"She." Erin corrects.  
"Right..." The doctor's face already shows guilt. "She...Is there a parent around to come and see them?"  
"Uh, our Dad's in the hall talking to a family friend." Dylan shares.  
"But I-I'm eighteen, could I go?"  
She thinks about it.  
•••  
"I can help pay if you need me too." Mindee offers to Ken in the nearest hallway, the two standing inches apart from each other.  
Noelle is at home watching the kids.  
"No, uh, it's fine. Thank you." He stressfully looks away and rubs his eyes.  
Sniffling, he looks back at her.  
"Who were you talking to?" He recalls her being on the phone when he walked out to see her.  
"I'm serious. I got money." She refuses to answer, pulling the five thousand bucks she brought with her out of her purse.  
"How the hell did you _get_ all that?"  
"My mother."  
He exhales.                                           “No. I’m not letting you.”                       “What else is on your mind...” She can automatically tell there’s something else running through his head. “Mindee...Remember when we promised that we would never lie to each other?"  
They intensely stare at each other, hurt in Ken’s eyes, and demand in Mindee’s.  
"Guys!" Erin interrupts them, walking into the area.  
"Sam's okay! She's gonna be okay!"  
"What?" They both look over at her.  
•••  
It takes over thirty minutes for Callie to drive Connor to the closest airport they know of.  
"Thank you. Thank you so much." He emotionally thanks her, about to get out all on his own.  
"Wait!" She grabs his arm. "Are you _sure_ you wanna do this? Without telling your Dad? I-I could tell him. Tell him about Sam. He'd understand."  
"I don't know..." He's unsure. "I should be back tomorrow. I looked it up and a flight from here to L.A is only thirty minutes. I have the money for it."  
"Okay. Stay safe. Call me if you can't get a flight or if anything goes wrong. _Tell me_ what happens with Sam!"  
"Will do. Thank you..."  
She makes sure to hug him.  
"You're a great kid, Connor."  
Face buried into her sweet scented shoulder, he holds back his tears.  
"Thank you, Callie..."  
She doesn't plan to leave until she knows he's safe.  
•••  
"Hello?" Connor answers his phone while rushing through the crowded airport and struggling to hear.  
"She's alive!" Erin yells on the other line.  
" _What?"_  
" _Sam!_ She's alive! She's on oxygen and should be waking up soon!"  
"What? Really? Oh-oh my God..." Connor almost falls to his knees.  
"Are you in the airport?" Erin can hear the frenzy of background noise.  
"Yeah."  
"Are you sure you still want to go, knowing she'll be alright?"  
" _Yes_. I'm sure. I have money for a ticket and the flight won't take long."  
"Okay..." She's hesitant. "Please stay safe."  
"I will. Love you."  
"You too...Bye."  
They hang up, and Connor replays those last few seconds of the conversation inside his head with shock.  
•••  
Had getting and paying for a flight, under fifteen minutes later he sits alone in his right aisle seat on the plane.  
**I'm on the plane. Should be taking off in a few mins. Gotta turn off my wifi. Thanks again.** He texts Callie. He’ll never be able to thank her enough.   
•••                                                      This is the first time Ken’s ever told anyone the truth.  
"And the kids don’t suspect a thing?”       “No. I could never told them. It’s been so long that she might as well really be gone and I wanted them to accept that.”      “You’re right. There’s a very little chance that she really is out there.”  
Damien shows up, hearing those last words he said.  
"Um, hi guys..."  
He's glanced at. "Hi, Damien..." Ken says.  
"Is she okay?"  
"Yeah, they're going to be..." Says Mindee.  
"Oh good."  
"Dylan and Erin are in there if you want to sit." Ken offers.  
"Okay. Thank you."  
And so he does.  
•••  
"Hey, Damien." Dylan's surprised to see him, when he's arrived.  
"Hi...I'm glad she's alright now."  
"Yeah...Us too." Erin says, and Damien sits next to her.  
"Hey."  
They smile at each other.  
"I saw her. She's hooked up to oxygen, has an IV just in case." Dylan explains.  
"Okay...I just wanted to come and see, since I don't have any of your numbers."  
"Oh, uh, you can have mine just in case." Erin offers casually.  
"Okay." He chuckles, and she hands him her phone.  
In the middle of typing it in, an incoming phone call pops up.  
"Oh, Erin you have some unknown number calling you..."  
"Shit." She whispers, and Dylan rolls his eyes.  
"This is getting _ridiculous_." He rants.  
"What is?" Asks Damien.  
Erin sighs, just as the vibrating stops. "I owe these guys money. I was supposed to face them tonight and they won't stop bugging me."  
She receives a voicemail, which they play aloud.  
"If you don't meet us by eleven 'o clock with our money, we're gonna track you down and _beat you l_ ike we beat your tranny friend!"  
It ends.  
"Holy shit..." Damien mutters, the other two coming to the realization.  
"Jesus fuck...” Dylan comments.  
"What if she didn't do this on her own...?" Damien fears.  
"What do you mean..." Erin asks.  
"I mean, like, what if they made her take the-"  
"Damien! _Stop!"_ Erin frazzles.  
"I'm sorry...!" He hastily finishes putting in his number and hands it back to her.  
"Well we have to go see them now."  
"But, what about Connor?" Erin asks.  
Speaking of him...  
•••  
**Landed. Getting a ride to the hospital.**  
In response, she texts back; **that's great! But just to let you know Damien Dylan and I won't be there when you arrive...**  
He frowns.  
**Why not?**  
•••  
For over ten minutes, it took Erin, Damien and Dylan to find a way to sneak out without a heated and agitated Ken and Mindee noticing.  
Now walking high and mighty down the street on their way to meet the three Dylan aged boys, behind the woods of a house that Erin is trying to remember the number of.  
"They said it was on Seymour avenue. That's Connor's street." She says. "He'll be at the hospital soon."  
"He flew over here? That's nice." Says Damien.  
"Yeah..." Dylan agrees, the three of them taking a turn.  
"Uhh, shouldn't we be bringing weapons or something...?" Damien worries.  
"Nah. It shouldn't get too out of hand." Dylan thinks. "We'll be fine."  
But Damien isn't exactly so sure.  
•••  
While riding in the backseat of the taxi he got for himself, Connor decides to call Jeanette while on their way to the hospital.  
"C-Connor?" She picks up on the third ring.  
"Hey, Mom. I know you're on the road and you told me not to come back here but I'm on my way to see Sam in the hospital."  
"I'm not on the road, honey." Her voice sounds muffled.  
"You're not?"  
"I'm still here."  
"Well after I check on Sam can I go see you before you leave?" He assumes she's still going on her trip.  
"Connor, just _go_ to the hospital and go right back home."  
"What? Why can't I see you?"  
There's a crash in the background, and she screams.  
" _Mom?!_ " He flinches.  
He hears an incoherent male voice yelling.  
He doesn't have to guess who it is.  
"Mom?! _Mom! I-_ "  
"Go now, Connor. _Go now!_ " She screams, before the phone is knocked out of her hand. Another crash and an even louder scream.  
" _Mom! I'm coming to get you! Okay?!_ I _love_ you."  
He hangs up in a panic.  
"What's going on."  
"Sir?" He asks to the male driver.  
"I need you to drive to the address I'm about to give you. My Mom's in trouble."  
•••  
Damien in Dylan walk in front of Erin, when they walk over to the three nameless senior boys that stand ten feet away from them in the woods.  
They snicker at them.  
"What _are_ you guys, her protector?" The one standing on the far left, teases.  
"Something like that." Damien defends.  
Erin steps out in front of them.  
"I don't have your money..."  
"We're _keeping_ our word about what we said." Far right promises.  
"Listen I-I would have tried to get it but my parents found out about things and grounded me so that's why I wasn't at school-" she sounds weaker and weaker with each word.  
" _Listen_." Dylan steps up.  
"I know you guys are trying to act all tough and act like you'll hurt her if you don't get what you want. But you already beat up her _friend_ , who's _Damien's_ friend too. _My_ sister."  
"You mean your piece of shit special snowflake?" Asks the middle one.  
" _That's_ it." He walks over and pushes him, causing the other two to shake their heads in disapproval, one pulling out his gun.  
"Whoa whoa whoa!" Erin yells shakily, holding up her palm.  
"I'll work something out and get your money by tomorrow morning...!" Erin promises, not caring what she has to do for it anymore.  
"Too late!" The gun is cocked and threateningly shot in Erin's direction.  
" _Shit_!" Dylan yells, just before Damien pulls Erin down to dodge the bullet.  
"Stay on the ground." Dylan commands to them, confidently staring at the gunman as well.  
With a swift kick to his shin, the figure falls down, having Dylan snatch the gun from him.  
Damien and Erin remain tangled together on the ground, their heart beats intense and pants unsurprisingly anxious. Damien squeezes his sweat dripping hand into hers.  
Dylan aims it at the same guy, who's helpless on the ground.  
The renaming two sprint away.  
" _Pussies!"_ Dylan screams, taking his eyes off of him for one second.  
Because of that, he screams out loud and grabs the back of his neck, doing his best to pull him down.  
The gun goes off, but the bullet flies into nowhere.  
Erin screams, as Dylan lurches up straight and almost drops the gun.  
Damien and Erin now standing up shaking.                                               Get out of here...!” Dylan bravely aims the gun at him.  
“Or I’ll shoot on _purpose_ this time and make sure the billet goes through your fucking skull!” He leaves them with the gun to use as they please. Dylan sighs out, staring down Erin. “No more of this...” He tells her. “No more.”                                                     
•••  
Once the taxi has driven off, Connor slowly but bravely makes his way inside the dead quiet house. Door unlocked and every light turned on, he notices that the garage door was open to, everything looking perfectly neat.  
"Mom...?" He slowly and creakingly shuts the door.  
One step forward.  
"Mom."  
Three more, slower than the last hesitant steps forward, and Richard's popped out in front of him.  
He screams.  
"I've been waiting for you." He smiles menacingly, pulling Connor by his shoulders and knocking him onto the ground by his knees.  
" _Where's_ my mother..." Connor struggles to grasp out, Richard choking the back of his neck.  
"Want to see your mother? I'll _show_ you to your mother." He groans, pulling him up by his shirt and dragging him next to him.  
His other hand still remains on the back of his neck.  
•••  
“So what are we gonna do with this thing, huh-?” Now walking down the neighborhood street, Damien goes to take the gun from Dylan.                       “ _Don’t touch it.”_ He doesn’t need another life or death situation on his hands. Just then, the scream of Connor makes its way through the air.  
"What the hell is that..." Erin wonders, and Dylan cocks the gun again.  
"Don't know." He whispers.  
They all slowly exit themselves from the woods, now on the sidewalk and hesitantly looking around.  
The resumed screams turn louder.  
" _That's Connor's house."_ Erin realizes.  
"What?" Dylan can barely process.  
"Come on!"  
Off to Connor's they go.  
•••  
The trio sneaks inside through the front door as quietly as they can.  
Damien's about to yell out for him, but Dylan covers his mouth.  
They look above the staircase, trying to guess where he could be on the second floor.  
"Go back outside and call the cops." Dylan whispers to the younger ones.  
" _What?_ We can't leave you in here alone." Erin whispers back.  
"Just do it. I have a gun I'll be fine--"  
Surprise.  
Erin screams repeatedly, unable to stop, while Richard attacks Dylan to the ground and starts to roll around with him.  
" _Stop! Stop!"_ Damien screams, Erin struggling to reach for his phone inside his pocket for him.  
" _Keep your mouths shut or I'll have no trouble killing both of you!"_ Richard threatens, aiming the gun that he had swiped from Dylan, at them.  
He holds him down on the floor by the top of his head. Leaking blood, two black eyes and more bruises Richard had given him, rest uncomfortably on his face. Because of his two fat lips he can barely talk.  
"Don't...Don't _touch_ them..." He barely gets out.  
" _Connor!"_ Erin shrieks, Dylan being pistol whipped right on the forehead as punishment.  
" _No!"_ Damien demands.                        Erin has the nerve to kick Richard between the legs, making him grunt and drop the gun. Dylan makes a dive for it, grabbing it and cocking it, finally shooting Richard in his right side and watching him fall to the ground. Connor barely manages to get up, limping himself over to Dylan and taking the weapon.                                               “You wanna do the honors?” Dylan asks him.                                                     Connor does, by shooting Richard in that same side two more times.                   “Is he dead?! He's dead, right?!" Damien hopes.                                                 “Not yet.” Dylan checks his pulse, witnessing all the blood that leaks out from him.  
"Call the cops. Where's your Mom, Connor." Dylan looks at him fiercely. " _Where's your Mom."_  
Connor turns lightheaded all over again.  
Alarmingly, Dylan, Erin and Damien look at him all at once.  
Tears back in his eyes and a scrunched up face, Connor nods a no.  
•••  
An awoken Sam is happy to see who's visiting him in the hospital.  
" _Connor! You're here!"_  
"Of course I am." He walks over and squeezes him tight; Erin, Damien, Ken, and Dylan standing near them.  
Damien hugs him next, and Erin last.  
"Do you remember what happened last?" Dylan wants to know.  
"Yeah...Got beat up. I guess after this is when I decided to do it..." He turns bleak.  
"Well who the hell _did_ it?" Connor grows defensive, crossing his arms.  
”Don’t know...Uh, you guys gotta know that it was a lot of things that made me do it...The beating, not being on meds for two days..." He wish that lack of dosages didn't affect him in such a hurtful way.  
"Well you don't gotta worry about that. You're all dragged up now." Dylan says.  
"What happened to you..." He now notices his injuries.  
A lump appears in Connor's throat.  
"Um, Sam, you should know that...Before I got to the hospital...Something happened..."  
"What..." His eyes darken.  
It takes a few moments for Connor to speak.  
•••  
Both he and Sam stand behind the glass, watching Jeanette's autopsy from the outside.  
"I'm so sorry, Connor..." He whispers.  
"I-I can't believe-"  
"I know. It'll be...I'll..." He trails off, crying quietly.  
Sam hugs him for what feels like forever. But it's a good forever.  
"Mm." Connor buries himself in Sam's shoulder.  
"I love you." Sam says.  
"Love you too..." They separate.  
Connor wipes his tears.  
"Um...Y-you should know something else...I, uh, didn't know you and Damien were pretending to date--"  
Damien, who sits with Erin at the end of the hall, awkwardly perks up.  
He waves to Connor and Connor ignores him.  
" _I didn't either!"_ Erin yells out.  
"Yeah. So when she sent me a picture of you guys kissing at the party-"  
"You _what?!_ " Sam yells out to her.  
"I didn't _know!"_  
"Well that's why it's bad when you're out of our lives!" He defends.  
"I know..."  
"So..." Connor continues, looking at him shamefully.  
"That's why I sent you that voicemail. And...Made out with Cameron."  
"You made out with the _SnapBack boy?_ "  
" _I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart and soul."_  
"No, I, uh, I'm not happy with it, but, I get it...I should've told you about the Damien thing in the first place. From now on we tell each other _everything_."  
Connor can't help but jealously stare across at Damien again, having him get the wrong idea.  
"We should go." He takes Erin's hand and stands them both up.  
Sam snickers at Connor, hearing both Erin and Damien head into the nearest elevator.  
"You're _ridiculous."_  
"I know." Connor smirks, Sam wrapping his arms around him.  
One of the female doctors giving the autopsy, walks out to see Connor.  
"Mr. Stevens?"  
"Yes..." He looks at her.  
"Were you aware that your mother was impregnated at the time of her death?"  
"What? _No."_ He and Sam both turn tense.  
"Not only that, but, we're afraid the conceiving was not consensual. From what we've inspected there are many physical signs of sexual assault."  
"What?!" Connor's already barely audible. " _O-oh my God. W-why-"_  
"Mr. Stevens, we can assure you that Mr. Patterson has already been charged numerous things, and will be sent away for a long time after he's recovered." They’ve _unfortunately_ managed to get out all of the bullets from his side.  
"Well I hope he _won't_ recover! I'll stop his treatment myself!"  
"Connor. _Connor_." Sam pulls him back.  
"I'm sorry. We're all just really going through a lot."  
She nods. "Well Connor we've contacted your father in San Diego and have informed him about what happened. Is there anywhere else you can stay?"  
"Yes. With us." Sam informs.  
"Alright. I can assign you to a grief counselor shortly."  
She walks back inside, and the boys watch the group of adults cover the body up.  
Connor whimpers.  
"Maybe I should see a grief counselor too. For my Mom." Sam attempts to lighten the mood.                                 “Couples Who therapy together stay together.” Connor smirks.  
•••  
"So lemme get this straight--" Dylan rants to Ken in Sam's room after hearing the whole story.  
"Instead of telling me and Sammy that she _walked out on us, with a chance of her returning,_ you decided to just tell us that she’s _dead?!“_  
"Dylan, now she might as well be. If she _is_ still out there, and there’s a very slim chance, she would have returned by now. Trust me. Remember what we would say when she would take off? ‘She always comes back’?” He tries convincing.  
"So...What. She left for the billionth time, and you decided that you were just done? Wanted her dead so badly so that’s what you started telling yourself?” Dylan snaps.  
"She was gone for over _two months,_ Dylan. That was her  _longest_ time. I had to accept it as a reality. And you guys did too.”  
“But what if it’s _not_ a reality. And she really is out there.  
“She left as an addict refusing help. I doubt she ever got it I _certainly_ doubt she lasted very long.”  
"And you never _called?_ Tried looking for her?” Dylan’s now crying.                        “It was for the best, Dylan. I hop you realize that.”                                           Dylan leaves in tears.  
•••  
Back in San Diego, Adam's still trying to process and adjust to the call he just got.  
"Adam..." Mandy doesn't want him doing anything dangerous.  
"I have to." He's already out the door.  
" _ADAM!!!"_ She shouts. " _GO DOWN THERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS! PLEASE!!"_  
Oh, he has a good reason for doing what he's planning to do.  
•••  
A dark skinned nurse shows up to Sam and Connor who are sitting on the hallway floor, in a panic.  
"Richard Patterson?"  
She's looked at. "What's the problem?" Sam asks.  
"There's security tape footage of him escaping the building. Do either of you have any idea where he could be?"  
" _What?!_ "  
"Sam!” Dylan speeds over, looking directly at him.  
"Yeah...?” Sam sweats, dreading whatever he has to say.                          “You know Mom’s body was never found? Dad just assumed she was Dad ‘cause she was gone for such a long time when she left?”                                               “Really?” Sam and Connor ask together. “Wonder where her body is,” Connor comments.                                           “Bottom of the ocean?” Sam guess. “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say she didn’t last for half a year.”                        “ _Guys._ What if she’s _still_ alive?” Dylan can’t believe they’re not considering that factor.                                                   “Then she’s alive and still suffering. God knows she never changed.” Sam says.  
“Whatever this is you can settle it later.“ The nurse alerts. “We have a bigger problem. Richard Patterson has gone _missing_."  
"I thought he was unconscious." Dylan frowns.  
"Yeah. _Was_." Sam sasses.  
"Well the police are now out searching for him so that means we can't have any of you leaving this hospital. Including the people who are here with you."  
•••  
Downstairs on the main waiting room floor, Damien and Erin sit next to each other in the group of chairs lining the back wall.  
"Um...I wanted to thank you...For protecting me, and stuff..." She thanks.  
He smiles at her. "No problem..."  
Smiling back, she nods her head.  
“Any update on Richard Patterson?” One nurse asks another.                                 “Nope. We replayed the footage but couldn’t find much.”  
Slowly looking over at each other and scared as hell, Damien and Erin simply get out of their chairs and sprint up to the next floor.  
•••  
Guffawing while running down the empty hall together, Erin and Damien sluggishly smile at each other before simply regulating their pace.  
"Shit." Erin whispers, lightheaded and almost falling over.  
"You okay?" Damien makes sure, putting his hand on her shoulder.  
"Yeah...Um I just--"  
He follows her to the nearest bathroom, where she continuously throws up in the toilet.  
He holds back her hair and rubs her back.  
"Can I tell you something...?" She turns to him after finishing.  
"Yeah. Of course."  
"I really...Fucked up..."  
•••  
For the next half hour, Sam comforts Connor in his room and helps him through his various panic attacks, while Damien does all he can to calm Erin down downstairs.  
And then Sam's curiosity gets the best of him.  
•••  
"Sam, we're _not_ allowed to be out here until Richard's been found; why are we doing this?" Erin asks him while they head into the garage of their home, Damien, Dylan, and Connor all by their side.  
"Because, I _want_ to visit her grave. I know her body not being found doesn’t change the fact that she’s dead-“.          “It _does,_ though.” Dylan snaps.            “Fuck off with your _conspiracy shit,_ Dylan. Now will you just come with us?  
"Let's just get this over with."  
•••  
The group is trying their best to get the walk over there, over with, until Erin's complaining about how much she has to pee.  
"Just go in a bush." Dylan says.  
" _No!_ Girls don't do that!"  
After looking away in thought for a quick moment, she comes to a conclusion.  
"Who here has money."  
Dylan awkwardly raises his hand.  
Damien knows exactly what's going on.  
•••  
The men have their backs turned in the gas station bathroom. Erin made Dylan purchase the pregnancy test by himself; feeling too ashamed. He, Sam, and Connor are still debating on whether they should be shocked or not.  
The silence while waiting for either the positive or the negative sign to pop up is painful.  
"Plus..." She finally reads it aloud.  
They spin around in her direction, bodies stiff and stomachs dropped. None of them say anything, until Erin continues.  
"I'm pregnant..."  
The look on her face is understandably terrified.  
•••  
The rest of the walk to the cemetery is mostly quiet, until Erin reveals the only possibility of the father.  
" _Aaron? That cunt Aaron?"_ Dylan rants.  
"We can scam him for money." Damien suggests.  
"I like the way you think." Says Erin.  
"Erin, no matter _who_ the father is, we'll support you no matter what." Sam comforts.  
"Yeah. We love you Erin." Connor adds.  
"Until she relapses again." Dylan breathes.  
" _Dylan!_ " They all begin yelling at him.  
They're arguing the rest of the way there.  
"We're _here!_ Okay? So can we all just shut up?!" Erin asks.  
"Where's the grave..."  
Dylan turns on the flashlight on his low percentage phone, starting to search for the spot with them.  
"Here it is..." Erin shines the phone on the tombstone that reads Emma's full name and date of birth to death, just two minutes later.  
"Yeah. This is the one." Dylan confirms.   “The _lie.”_ Sam rolls his eyes. “Just because there’s no body in there doesn’t mean she’s not dead.”                                                   “What if there’s like, meth in there?” Damien wonders.                                   “Shut up Damien.”  
•••  
Adam tracks down Richard taking all of the money out of Jeanette's back account, outside of the L.A located bank at the ATM.  
He walks up to him without a sound, his car parked in the lot of the property.  
Spinning him around so they're face to face, he slams his back right up against the machine.  
"You beat my _son_." He punches him right in the mouth.  
"You _rape_ my ex-wife." Another punch.  
"You _kill_ my ex-wife." The final punch sends Richard to the ground.  
"And now you're damned to Hell." He whispers in his right ear.  
He stabs him right in the middle of his stomach with the knife he clutched in his fist.  
His eyes light up, starting to watch him bleed out.  
•••  
“I want to say a few words...” Sam announces. Dylan tries to show his support.                                                “Mom, I know they never found a body, but...I hope you’re not suffering anymore. And, if you _are_ somewhere in the world like Dylan thinks, then you’re better. And maybe a nanny or something with a new name.”                              Connor takes Sammy’s hand, just before sirens are heard in the distance.The group takes turns looking at each other.  “ _Richard_." Erin states worriedly.  
Sprinting hand in hand next to everyone else, Sam and Connor follow the sounds of sirens and distant unison chatter not even a mile to the bank.  
Stopping when blocked off by a group of officers, Connor's eyes suddenly go to the sight of a blood covered Adam being led to a running blaring police car in handcuffs.  
" _Dad?!"_ His eyes have to be playing tricks on him.  
But then they make eye contact.  
" _Dad! Dad!"_  
Sam holds Connor back, who's now sobbing. The others around them stare at him in such an awe that one could never comprehend.  
" _DAD! DAD!"_ He won't stop until he gets an answer.  
Sam let's tears fall onto Connor's shoulder.  
" _DAD!!!"_  
He's shoved into the car and driven away, sirens blaring lights flashing.  
Connor's sobs are loud and ugly. Sam has to keep him from collapsing to the ground or running onto the scene, especially when on the pavement lies Richard's unresponsive and bled out body.


	48. (A Long) Epilogue:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Afterwards.  
> (I wanted to take this summary to say a quick thank you. I know it's been a month, but it's been hard to let go. Feel free to critique me, and express your feelings in the comments if you finish. There's also light smut near the end, because let's be honest y'all need a break. Sorry JC~Christina)

Epilogue:  
November 14th:  
**Dear Dad,  
This is the first time I'm writing you, and not the last time I'll be writing you.  
I honestly have no idea where to start. So I guess I should just start from that night. I know we got off on the wrong foot when I wanted to leave that house that night.  
I wanted to go out, and you only wanted to protect me. Maybe I sort of understood at the time, but my angst, and urge for rebellion were blinding me from the truth.  
I never had a chance to apologize. I promise you when I say that I'm sorry. Maybe things wouldn't have been all that different if I stayed inside; I still would've found out about Sammy. But maybe you would have stopped me from going there. And Richard never would have done what he did to me. Because of that, you killed him.  
Maybe he would have never killed Mom. Or maybe he still would have. If Mom never died, would you have not killed him? Or were all the past things he still did enough of a reason for you to do what you did?  
Ever since that night, I've been shuffling around all the scenarios and 'what if's' in my mind. I can't stop thinking that this could have been prevented if I did ONE thing differently. Sometimes I still blame myself. If I continue thinking about this right now I think my brain just might explode. So I'll move on to something else.  
Her funeral was a few short weeks after her death.  
It was heartbreaking but it was peaceful. Sam, and Erin, and Dylan and Ken all joined me. Sam wore a dress and gave no fucks. Erin showed off her bump and gave no fucks.  
Long story short, Sam has a gender thing. And Erin's pregnant.  
The father of the baby-she actually recently found out that it's going to be a girl-is an asshole.  
But we're all getting her through it. Dylan's already threatened him a few times so we'll see where it goes. Erin had addiction problems for a short while before she even found out she was pregnant. So I automatically worried that the issue would affect her pregnancy.  
But to our surprise, the drugs aren't the issue. She's doing pretty damn well with trying to stay clean.  
From drugs, that is. Binging and purging? Not so much.  
Yeah. Erin has an eating disorder. And has had one for months without anyone but Dylan, his current girlfriend who's currently in rehab but dated Erin for a short time-it's complicated-and the father of the baby, knowing.  
I felt like shit for not being able to figure it out, and so does Sam. We keep telling each other not to blame ourselves.  
She grows insecure about the weight she's been gaining, and binges on lots of food because, surprise surprise; she's PREGNANT.  
But that only leads her to feel more like shit, and she purges. She's told us that sometimes she prays for morning sickness. It sucks. Because of all that the girl growing inside her could be lost.  
But she's trying her best to work on it, and we're trying her best to support her.  
Other than that stuff, she's doing pretty okay for herself. Already got her GED, has a job, and wants a second one.  
Her parents aren't too happy, but they're showing their support too.  
And that's that.  
I've been living with Sam and his family. I don't know for how much longer, but they're almost like my second family now. I'm glad that I'm back at school with Sam, so I can threaten anyone who threatens THEM because they're simply not cisgender. People will pick on anyone for anything and it's ridiculous.  
The three of them aren't a replacement family, but simply another one. You and Mom will always be my family. I think about you both all the fucking time.  
I know that for the rest of your life, you will only be seeing me through glass. And it fucking sucks.  
One day I'll be informed that you've passed away in that place, and it'll fucking suck.  
It's kind of weird, you know? Last year our relationship was in the gutter. So many things were different 365 days ago.  
Holy shit; was I in for a ride.  
Last year things were so negatively complicated between us.  
But two months ago, you literally killed for me. I don't know how to feel about that.  
Do I thank you for being an awfully protective parent, or resent you for literally committing murder?  
I don't know.  
But what I do know is that I will never forget about you. And I hope you never forget about me.  
I've been diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety. No surprise. Sammy's been giving me at least four of their pills each morning, and that seems to do the trick. For the most part. Ken keeps saying he can order me in my own prescription, but I don't want them to feel like they have to do everything for me. But I don't want Sam giving me the pills that belong to him, either.  
I know they all mean well. 'Well' is an understatement.  
I haven't talked to Mandy since the funeral.  
Maybe it's better that way. Right now, it's just too painful for the both of us.  
But who knows.  
My birthday is tomorrow. Sam's making a big deal about it which is not surprising coming from his adorable self, but I still don't see why.  
He's great. He's great for me, and he's great to me.  
I'd like to think that I'm the same for him.  
Jude may have been my first love, but Sam will most definitely be my last.  
I've been talking to Callie. She's really supportive about everything.  
I haven't talked to Noah, or Jude, or Cameron at all, really.  
From what Callie's told me, Jude's calmed down a little, but is still mostly his same self.  
He and Noah are broken up.  
Tragic.  
I'm pretty sure this is where I'm supposed to end the letter. I've cried a few times will writing it.  
I'll see you in person soon. I don't know when, but I will.  
I hope you receive this letter and read as much as you could.  
I love you. You'll do good in there; I know you will.  
And I'll do good out here.  
Sincerely yours,  
Connor.**  
•••  
November 15th:  
She hasn't worn heels, or hell, this kind of current outfit in general-since before checking herself into the facility just a little over two months ago.  
The shoes clack onto the floor signaling a noise to echo throughout the school halls, her blonde ponytail bouncing with each urged step.  
Her right hand instantly slams onto his locker when arriving to so, scaring him who now stands in front of her.  
"S-Sierra...?!" His now sweaty body shakes.  
" _Hey_ , Aaron." Her smile is nothing but fake.  
"I-I thought you were-!"  
"Oh, got out yesterday!" She beams bitterly.  
"Fresh as a daisy. Clean and sober."  
"Well congrats-"  
" _Save it,_ shit head." She's done faking sincerity.  
He flinches, knowing exactly that.  
"Dylan visited me in there a bunch of times and was more than happy to tell me about Erin. You know, the girl you knocked up?"  
"Uh-" He's helpless.  
"You're not gonna touch her ever again. But you _are_ gonna help the fuck out of her. You're gonna pay her every last cent."  
"She came onto me-"  
"That doesn't _matter!_ You're the _father_. At least _pretend_ like you give a shit."  
"Or what?" He squints.  
"We'll make your life a living hell."  
He scoffs. "Try me."  
"Really, Mr. Legal Adult? 'Cause last time I checked Erin's only fifteen as of now. The way it goes, you can be doing time for statutory rape."  
He had forgotten that one little detail.  
•••  
While Erin may be on her way over, Dylan leaving for school and Ken for work-giving them the day off for celebratory reasons-, has Sam able to wake Connor up in his typical Sam way.  
"Birthday boy. Wake up."  
Connor mutters but giggles at the kisses left down his neck and hands going up his shirt to glide around his stomach.  
"No idea what you're talking about." He jokes, eyes opening and having himself slowly sits up.  
"Really 'cause I do." Sitting in front of him, Sam smiles and holds Connor's shoulders with his hands.  
"Now let me give you your present."  
"Sam, sexual assault is _never_ okay."  
"No." Sam flicks his cheek with a grin.  
Connor giggles.  
"Here." Sam reaches down and retrieves the gift bag off of the floor.  
"Sammy _no_."  
" _Yes_." Sam pops back up with a sneaky grin, throwing the bag into Connor's lap.  
Candy. Lots and lots of candy.  
"You're eating this with me."  
"I hate twizzlers."  
" _What?!_ " Connor smiles, sitting up even more.  
"Just because I _got_ them for you doesn't mean I _like_ them!" Sam smiles back.  
Connor giggles again, resuming the opening.  
"Jesus, Sam, eighty _bucks?_ What the hell do you think I need?"  
"More shitty tasting twizzlers."  
They guffaw.  
"Fuck you." Connor smirks.  
"Later. There's one more thing in there." Sam points to the bag.  
"Sam-"  
"I made it myself!"  
"Uh-oh." Connor teases.  
" _Uh-oh."_ Sam copies, while Connor pulls out the wrapped item.  
"Wrapping paper? Gay."  
"It gets gayer."  
Connor grins, tearing it open.  
"Oh my _God_ you were right."  
It's a scrapbook that doesn't only contain pictures of the two of them.  
"It's not all of us. It's mainly, like, about you."  
"Stalker."  
Sam kisses his nose. "It's pictures of you and your family, Connor..."  
Their hands squeeze together.  
Tensing up and blood from his face draining away, Connor opens the book anyway.  
He and Sam, he and Sam, he and Erin, he and Erin, the three of them, more of the three of them, he and Dylan...  
Going back in time, there are pictures of him with Jeanette on Christmas mornings. He and Adam at baseball games and family events.  
Happy and sad tears drip down on to all of the grieving pictures that are passed.  
"Was it-" Sam worries.  
"No. _No_. It's...It's _great_. I love it. I love _you_. Y-you're the one that's helped me through all of this stuff. You've forced a lot of closure onto me. Not all, but a lot. _Thank_ you. It's beautiful."  
Sam laughs. "Thanks for taking my actions of rounding up pictures and gluing them in a giant book so seriously."  
Connor giggles back, kissing his lips.  
Sam hums and returns the kiss, squeezing his arms around him and pulling him closer if possible.  
"Mm, what would I do without you..." Connor whispers afterwards, smirking at him.  
"Drown."  
Their laughter fills the air.  
"So, I took my pills, now it's your turn." Sam opens the the top drawer of the right bedside table.  
"Sam you _know_ I don't like taking your pills from you-"  
"It's fine. What would you rather me do; get them from some druggie at school for even more money?" Sam pulls out the bottle and is already opening it.  
"I can always just steal some," Connor smirks.  
"Open up, birthday boy." Sam holds out four pills on top of his palm for him.  
Connor coughs various times after swallowing them dry.  
"I could've gotten you a drink; you okay?" Sam makes sure.  
"Yeah." Another cough. "I just need to keep a badass reputation for you." He jokes.  
Sammy giggles. "Mm-hm, sure; c'mere."  
He re-wraps his arms around Connor's figure, sliding closer, and their kissing resumes.  
"Sam..."  
Connor's eyebrows raise and his head dips back, feeling the slow but suction-like kisses down his neck.  
Sam knows it's not a call of pleasure, which only encourages him more and has him smirk. His face buries into his neck.  
"Hm..." He responds.  
"Erin's still coming, right? Not now." Con' laughs.  
"Well let's hope her bladder and food cravings are keeping her up." Sam whispers into his skin, sitting up and leaving another long kiss on his lips.  
Connor gives in and deeply kisses back, until they hear the downstairs front door open and close; along with Erin sing song-ing "Hello!"  
They break apart, hearing her walk up the stairs.  
"In here!" Connor yells.  
His eyes dun, when he spots the gift bag held in her left hand.  
"Happy birthday!" She beams, throwing it his way and having it plop down in his lap.  
He chuckles. "Thanks, Er'."  
"Open it."  
Inside is a new pair of earbuds, a fifty dollar bill, and two twenty five Taco Bell gift cards.  
Sam grins at the gift cards.  
"Shouldn't this stuff be for you, Erin?" Connor teases. "You need money, 'l need to block out crying all night in the future, and have severe cravings."  
"Eh. I can't stand the smell of that stuff, now. Makes me nauseous."  
"Then I'll make sure not to eat it around you, now." He smirks playfully.  
"You doing okay with everything, Erin?" Sam eyes her relatively healthy-for now-looking figure.  
"Yeah. Sierra's been giving me 'tips' on how to work on it. Especially since she's clean now."  
"Good." The others say firmly together.  
"My Mom's making me go to that therapist downtown." She finishes.  
"Yeah, I'm seeing Fisher on Thursday." Sam says.  
"She nice? Keller says she is."  
"Yeah, she is."  
"Connor which one do you go to again?" Erin asks him.  
"Uh, the one of seventy five. Spring-wood. It deals more with grief and trauma. Mine's nice." He casually shrugs it off.  
Sam rests their hand on his shoulder.  
"Oh, Sam," Erin turns to him.  
"Can I borrow a pair of your contact lenses? I have an interview in twenty five minutes and need to look professional."  
"Shouldn't your glasses already make you look professional enough?"  
"Sam, the giant _bump_ sticking out of me takes the profession out of _everything_."  
"Good point. Uh, here." He takes the ones he's already wearing out of his eyes for her.  
"Ew, _no! New_. Ones."  
"It's not _that_ weird! Just wear them." He glares past her.  
"I'm over _here!"_  
"Fine." He puts them back in breezily and looks in her direction.  
"In the bathroom, second top drawer. There's some in there."  
" _Thank_ you."  
She returns back with a pair placed in her palm, taking off her glasses and throwing them on the right bedside table.  
"Don't you think you should use a mirror-?"  
"I'm fine." Connor's interrupted.  
It takes her over two minutes to actually get them in her eyes without missing and dropping them to the floor, and when they finally are in she can't see at all.  
" _Owe, owe, owe shit shit shit that's tight! Owe!_ " She speeds around the room in a panic, the boys' snickering at her outburst.  
Eyes red and watering with face sweating and panting, she holds the lenses she had dug around for in her eyes and took out in her fists.  
"You done?" Sam smiles, Connor laughing out loud.  
"How do you _do_ that everyday?!"  
"My eyes are more skilled than yours."  
Erin leaves with her own pair of glasses straight across her face.  
"She's gonna be _some_ mother." Connor comments.  
"Less talking." Sam practically attacks him.  
In the middle of actually having sex, there's another knock at the door.  
Their bodies, noises, and the entire bed comes to a complete stop.  
"Just wait till they go away." Says Connor, laying down against the mattress.  
This knock is only louder, the doorbell sounding afterwards.  
Sam groans. "You get it."  
"What? No! It's your house."  
"You live here now, so it's technically yours too."  
"Not enough to answer the _door_." He claims.  
"Well, I'm on top."  
"What does _that_ have to do with anything?!"  
"I'm still wearing the condom."  
"Just put pants on!"  
"You already got off the most! So, therefore...You'll get it."  
Connor rolls his eyes while putting his clothes back on.  
" _Alright_!" He screams in response to another knock.  
Watching him walk out the door, Sam can't help but fall back onto the mattress with a smirk.  
•••  
Answering the door with messy hair, baggy clothes and scenting of nothing but sex, Connor sees someone who he thought he'd never see again.  
"Mandy..." He steps onto the porch and closes the door.  
"Connor...Hi. I'm, uh, aware you live here now, right?"  
"Yeah..."  
They pause.  
"Well, I, uh, didn't mean to interrupt--anything, but..."  
Connor's entire body might as well be all shades of red at this moment.  
"Can we take a quick walk? For a moment?"  
"Sure..." His eyes awkwardly roam his surroundings.  
"Uh...I'm just gonna; let-Sam...Know."  
She nods, eyes blinking.  
Connor practically flashes back into the house.  
•••  
" _Mandy's here?"_ Sam's shocked to no end, still not wearing any clothes and boner sticking out of the sheets.  
"Yeah. She wants to walk and talk with me."  
"How long should that precisely take?" Sam stares down at his hard on.  
Connor scoffs. "Who knows, bulge boy."  
"Don't you think it's kinda weird that she's finally showing up? And, like this? What if she just wants something?"  
"She's not like that. Believe me--I trust her."  
"Well don't keep me waiting too long, alright?" Sam smirks, eyebrows flicking.  
Scoffing with sneakers now on and laces tied, Connor looks back at him.  
"I'll make sure to."  
He only says that because he'll know Sam will be more needy the longer he makes him wait.  
Knowing that he's gone, Sam plops back down onto the mattress in impatience.  
•••  
Their silent walk down the right side of the street has so far lasted almost three minutes.  
Knowledgeably observing Connor awkwardly look around and down at his feet while keeping an average pace, Mandy finally decides to speak up.  
"It's a nice day."  
" _Yeah_." Practically flinching at the sound of her voice, Connor unintentionally keeps his loud when looking back at her.  
"Yeah..." He finds himself repeating.  
Their pacing slows.  
"Uh, I didn't mean to interrupt-" she starts again.  
Redness zaps back onto his face. "Oh, uh n-no you didn't--" He's back to gazing down at his shoes.  
"Um, your fly is down." She points out.  
He pulls it back up miserably.  
By the smirk on her face she's aware that she most certainly did.  
"How does it feel to be fifteen?"  
"I don't really feel all that different yet. Not that I'm supposed to." He shrugs.  
"Well despite all that's happened I hope you've been having a great day."  
"Yeah. I have..." It still unsettles him that neither of his parents are here to celebrate with him. Though he feels that there isn't anything to celebrate. But Sam would say otherwise.  
"Yeah, I can tell." She teases, having him scoff.  
They've stopped walking entirely now.  
"Have you talked to him?" Connor blurts out the question.  
Her face turns rogue. It takes her several moments to finally answer.  
"Uh, I've written. Heard nothing back yet. I've only visited one time, last month. It was...Hard seeing him like that." Tears are blinked away.  
"Yeah, I-I'm not ready to see him yet..." Connor agrees shamefully.  
"He _loves_ you, Connor. He wants you to know that."  
"I know..." Away he looks. "I wrote to him yesterday. A lot. I was crying half the time. But...I finally got the guts to send it..."  
Mandy exhales relaxingly.  
"I'm sorry we lost contact, Connor."  
"I am too." He mutters, returning eye contact.  
"I should've... _Been_ there for you."  
"Mandy it's fine. Yeah it would've been nice to talk, but, you're _here_ now. It's not like you're my keeper."  
"That's kind of what I came here to talk about..." She carefully presents the topic.  
His brow furrows. "What...?"  
"Whatever decision you make is just that: your decision. And I understand if it's a lot to take in especially when he haven't talked for so long. But..."  
He waits in anxiety and suspense. His lip sweats and his attempts to keep his heart at a steady rate fails at all costs.  
"I'd like to adopt you, Connor..."  
November 16th:  
Back at school that cloud filled sky afternoon, Connor sits with a currently cigarette smoking Damien, on top of the brick wall outside the front of the school building.  
"So-" Damien blows out a puff of smoke while Connor crinkles his forehead in response.  
"She really wants to _adopt_ you?"  
"Pretty much."  
"You're gonna go back there again?" Damien takes out the cigarette with raising eyebrows.  
"No, thank God. She said she'll get a place around here."  
"Good." Damien takes a quick picture of their view of trees with his Polaroid camera.  
He's scoffed at.  
"What's with you and all these pictures lately?" Con' teases. Snickering, Damien smiles at him.  
"Say cheese, motherfucker." He turns the camera towards him.  
Connor flashes a nice middle finger for the camera.  
Cigarette now on the pavement below, both boys laugh while both pictures take turns printing out of the camera.  
"So has Erin started that new job yet?"  
"Interview was yesterday. She said it's a fifty fifty chance."  
"That's better than nothing." Damien shrugs.  
Connor snickers at him.  
"What?"  
"Why are you so obsessed with Erin?"  
Damien's face flushes. "I am _not_!"  
Connor laughs. "I beg to differ. 'Hey Erin, how are you Erin? Oh how's Erin? I miss Erin.'" He recites in a claim.  
"I have _never_ said that last one." Damien defends in a smile.  
"Okay, man, whatever." Connor's eyebrows flick. "Mm-hm."  
Damien's eyes roll, mouth smirking.  
The humorous vibe slowly dies down, being replaced with one more serious. Tired, even. They don't say anything for a short while, staring off into space and leaving their thoughts for themselves.  
"Have you visited your Dad?" Damien breaks the silence, having Connor's muscle tighten and his body lean slightly forward.  
His head turns in his direction.  
"What, no..."  
Damien realizes that the question shouldn't even have ran through his mind.  
"Oh, uh, sorry-"  
"It's fine. It's just, not my time right now..."  
"Yeah...I get it."  
Silence resumes, but this time with a darker weight.  
**11/17  
Just writing in this thing reminds me of how much of a shitty person I am. And my reason behind that is because Connor got me this for my birthday, which was back in AUGUST. I completely forgot about it because, well, I'm shitty.  
But because Ms. Fisher brought up writing as a therapeutic skill-like Connor did when he first gave me it-I figured why the fuck not.  
I endlessly apologized to Connor when we talked about it together and all he did was laugh and call me cute. He's honestly too good for me.  
Like, what the literal fuck. But anyways, since Ms. Fisher will be reading this I don't want to put too anything weird in here that'll make her drop me.  
She wants me to talk the gender thing. Well, for one, sometimes I still wish the gender thing could go away.  
Today I'm a girl and I hate it. I want to tear my dick off. Oh fuck. This has already gotten too weird. Ms. Fisher I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't be in the room while she reads this. Yeah, probably not. But back to the point. Maybe I do have ADD like my dad sometimes brings up. See? Jesus. I've been wearing more feminine clothing to make myself feel comfortable.  
Not just for when I'm a girl, but because I like to in general. There's just something about it that I like. That's that. Now off to my mom, I guess. Honestly? Her body is probably just laying at the bottom of some ocean. And if if it’s not, and she’s still out there somewhere hiding, an addict or clean and sober, I want nothing to do with her. Dylan STILL thinks she could be out there, which I think is pretty ridiculous.  
Dad and Mindee are dating now. They really care about each other which is sweet. I'm happy for them. I really am.  
Her girls and Kader really do feel like my siblings now. There's pretty much not a day we go without seeing each other.  
Maybe Noelle will be my aunt one day, which is cool to think about.  
I've been taking my meds. They help. Even though my mom is back and I know I shouldn't be afraid of her anymore, I still have really bad incidents when I'm not on the meds.  
One night I only had three pills left and I thought it wasn't worth it to take them, and said I'd be fine until my refill came. But the next day at school I spent all the times that I wasn't in class crying in the bathroom. Specifically the handicapped stall. It's easier to cry in.  
I hate having to take pills to help me function.  
But if it does help me function, I shouldn't be complaining. I've been giving Connor some of my pills each day to help him no matter what he says, to help him with what happened to him. There are days where it helps 100% and days where it's a hopeless case.  
I hate seeing him get anxious and be afraid of everything. We should really get him to an actual doctor.  
He deserves all the happiness he can ever get. The world on a silver platter. I love him.  
Well, I think I'm done here. Should I sign my name? I guess so.  
-Sam.**  
•••  
November 18th:  
"You know we're not allowed to leave campus during lunch, right?" Sam reminds Connor and Damien, the three of them walking up the parking lot of the diner that Erin currently works at.  
"That's stupid." Says Damien, making sure the strap of his schoolbag stays latched around his left shoulder. "It's lunch. That's the point." He adds.  
"You just wanted to come here so bad 'cause you want to see _Erin_." Connor seizes the opportunity to tease him.  
"Well maybe _I_ don't want to be a third wheel." Damien jokes in defense, holding the door open for the couple.  
The jingling bell sounds above them.  
"Aw, come on Damien you know we love you." Sam pokes fun after they're all standing beside each other at the entrance.  
"We can be a thrupple!" Connor jokes, having Sam guffaw.  
"I'll stick to being single, thanks." Damien pretends to diss them.  
"What? I thought _Erin was your girlfriend!"_ Connor speaks loudly with a grin, making Damien scowl and pinch both their arms.  
Lucky enough for him, she's not working behind the counter at the moment.  
"Owe!" Connor smiles, pushing him away while Sam grins at the sight.  
"What can I get you boys?" The mid-aged woman asks them once the three are before the counter.  
Sam insecurely presses her lips together, but knows not to let it get to her. She's not wearing any feminine clothing, for crying out loud. It's not like people know.  
She's not one of those people who get furious when someone misgenders them without realizing they're doing it. It's when people purposely do it to get a rise out of them-like certain assholes at school-when there's a problem.  
"Damien here wants to know where your cashier Erin is." Connor smiles, and Damien elbows his arm. Connor laughs and yelps out at the same time.  
"She's in the bathroom taking care of some things. Can I take your order?"  
Connor automatically fears the worst from that sentence, and asks in jeopardy, "Where is the bathroom?"  
"In the back."  
He takes off, having Sam and Damien look at each other in confusion. After they order for the both of them and Connor, for he had stated what he would be getting before they even got there-they sit down across from each other at a nearby booth.  
"What if Erin's avoiding me?" Damien wonders, eyes curiously roaming around the room.  
At that Sam snickers. "You _do_ know she does like you, right? She's just freaked out about getting close because of the whole pregnancy thing."  
"Aw, c'mon that's not a turn-off for me. I can be the baby daddy." Damien grins proudly.  
"You wish, bitch." Sam smirks.  
At the weird yet amusing thought, they both cackle.  
•••  
In the employee only bathroom, Connor barges in on Erin involuntary throwing up into the sink.  
"Erin! I thought Sierra was _helping_ you!" He scolds with his hands now on his hips, scaring her with his presence.  
In the middle of her coughing fit, her red eyed pale face spins around.  
"God, Connor!" She struggles to get out.  
"It's _morning sickness!"_  
"Really?! Well it's _not_ the morning!"  
"It can happen at any hour of the day, dumbass." She feels it coming up again and turns around in urgency, resuming to hurl.  
"Oh..." Connor sees that she's telling the truth.  
"Well w-why is it called 'morning' sickness?"  
"Fuck off Connor." She coughs out, too busy to look at him.  
"Alright, well, just lettin' you know that Damien's out there waiting for you." He smirks with flicked eyebrows.  
"What? I look and smell _awful_!" She cries, turning on the faucet and turning around so fast that she becomes dizzy.  
"Just splash some water on your face, and..." He invades her bag. "Here." He takes out her deodorant stick, just before noticing something else placed in the bag.  
"Erin..." He takes out the small plastic baggie of Coke, facing it her way.  
"Connor--"  
"What the _hell, Erin?!"_  
" _Before work, okay?!_ Aaron came over. Tried to get me to snort with him."  
"Jesus so he won't help you with the damn _fetus_ he helped make with you but he'll-" Connor can't even finish his sentence because he's so angry. By the looks of the containments in the bag, Erin hasn't snorted one drop. But that doesn't mean Aaron hasn't.  
"Was he on it at the time?"  
"Of course he was..." She almost starts crying. "Hey. It's okay. Alright? We may have wanted to help at first but now-we make sure he stays away." He chucks the bag down onto the floor in fury. "He's not going _anywhere_ near you."  
If only he got rid of the drugs entirely before he stomped out.  
By herself once again, Erin reaches into the bag one last time to take out her debit card.  
•••  
Connor finds Sam and Damien at the booth, trying not to show his anxiety or lack of comfort.  
"Erin's, uh, not feeling so well. Aaron went over this morning and tried to get her high." He sits down next to Damien, who bangs his fists onto the table.  
Connor jumps at the noise, Sam strangely eyeing him.  
"We _gotta_ get rid of him." Damien declares.  
Sam practically snorts. "Good luck with that, Romeo."  
"Shut up. He'll probably do something else stupid soon enough and go to prison. Shouldn't have to worry for too long." Damien smirks at the thought, as Connor yawns and buries his mouth into his right elbowed sleeve.  
He attempts to speak, the words only coming out as muffled incoherent noises.  
"What's that Kenny?" Sam jokes, leaning over and poking at him.  
Smiling, he sits properly and says that Damien's acting 'a little crazy about this whole thing.'  
"Oh, let him be in love." Sam grins.  
While Damien is angrily grimacing at Sam who just laughs, Connor looks around the place in worry; each background noise seeming to grow louder and louder within his hearing range. Everyone's words grow faded or even muffled.  
He jumps up, feeling as if he had just fallen and landed back down in a literal way.  
"You okay?" Sam asks with emphasis, noticing the look of terror on his face.  
"Uh--" Connor's soaking with sweat, now.  
A loud drop of something metal onto the nearby floor, and Connor's stepped out of the booth. "I wanna leave." Both eyes practically twitch while looking around again.  
"But we just-"  
" _Damien_. If Connor says he wants to leave then we'll leave." Sam unintentionally snaps, having been through this enough times herself, to know what Connor's feeling.  
Nodding simply and innocently, Damien stands up, forgetting his bag in the seat.  
"C'mere. It's okay." Sam speaks quietly, gently touching Connor's slightly shaking wrist.  
They leave without another word.  
Outside of the building, he's already having a panic attack. His torso heaths up and down, heavy breaths hyperventilating out of his dropped open mouth.  
He speedily paces around the pavement outside the diner, Sam and Damien trying to calmly get his attention.  
"Connor. Connor. It's okay you're safe." Sam insists, making her way up to them and touching the back of his shoulders.  
"N---no! I'm _not!"_ He breathes out, terrifyingly looking back at him with tears now stuck to his cheeks. His heart still skyrockets and sweat continues to pour out of several body parts.  
"Let's just take a walk, okay?" Damien tries his best to remain calm himself, walking over and making the mistake of touching his arm.  
" _No! Don't!"_ Connor flinches and steps back.  
"Connor-"  
" _Don't touch me!"_ He screams to Sam, attempting to get away. The two others have no choice but to grab him, stopping him from reaching the street.  
" _STOP! STOP!"_ Connor can feel the world closing in around him, wanting to scream more and more but a voice in his head telling him that the worst will happen if he does.  
He breaks free before he can be held back, taking off as far as his legs will carry him.  
All he hears in the distance is his name being called, and from what he hears footsteps chasing after him, only scaring him even more.  
Forgetting to keep track of where he's even headed, his legs give out onto an empty space on a street consisting of moving traffic.  
•••  
In a matter of time, he wakes up in the hospital. No breathing tubes, not hooked up to any machines, no IV. Not a scratch on him.  
He knows where he is, he just doesn't understand _why_.  
Besides maybe a few small aches in his legs, he doesn't feel any physical damage done to himself  
Slowly looking around at the room around him somewhat annoyed.  
While sitting up, his nurse comes walking in. She looks at Connor in awe when he flinches.  
"You're awake!" She exclaims after a quick gasp.  
"Yeah, uh, why am I here-"  
"I'll let them know."  
His jaw clenches when she walks out too quickly.  
Soon enough, Sam, Damien, Dylan, and Sierra come rushing in.  
" _Connor_!" They all practically exclaim his name together.  
"Hey..." While he's happy to see them all, he's still confused.  
After hugging them all, he gets to the questions.  
"Why am I in here? I mean, I know I had a panic attack, but..." He still doesn't see that as a big enough reason to be hospitalized. Maybe being checked on by some doctors, but, actually being bought a room?  
His question has everyone in the room turns tense.  
Sierra now looks like she's going to have a panic attack herself. Damien doesn't look at any of them, Dylan staying quiet.  
Sam's the only one able enough to break the ice.  
"You tried to jump in front of a car, Connor."  
He doesn't believe it.  
They have to be blowing this out of proportion. Yeah, he could have unintentionally been hit by a car, but that doesn't mean he wanted to.  
"Guys..." He practically laughs. "I-I went into a street, and, yeah a car just barely hit me, but, I didn't get hurt. And I didn't _want_ to get hurt. I wasn't keeping track of where I was going. I should have been."  
"Connor, we know you're not anymore, but at the time a lot of things were going through your mind-" They want to believe him, Sam currently speaking.  
Connor cringes. "I _wasn't_ suicidal, okay? I-I _promise_. Maybe I got a little out of control, but-w-why do I even have to be here?" He still doesn't understand.  
"After a suicide attempt whether the person is hurt or not they're still required to go to the hospital-"  
"It _wasn't_ a suicide attempt!" Connor bellows to Sierra.  
"Connor, all that matters is that you're okay. That's all that matters." Sam drops the subject of tension.  
"Yeah..." He browses the room again, unfocused.  
"I'm sorry I put you guys through that..." He looks back directly at Damien and Sam.  
"It's fine, Con'. Do you know how much shit _I've_ put you through?" Sam smirks.  
He giggles.  
"I'm just glad no one got hurt." He says.  
Again, he watches everyone else tense up.  
" _What_..."  
His instincts aren't promising him good things.  
•••  
A husband and wife. Cynthia and Robert. Both aged forty two. Critical condition. When the car that almost hit Connor slammed on the brakes, their car, driving towards that one, swerved in fright, automatically driving off the road and flipping over onto the grass.  
Connor sobs in the hallway, sliding down against the wall his body shook against.  
" _I did this."_  
"Connor don't-" Sam begs, kneeling next to him and wiping his tear for him.  
"The car should've just hit _me_. _I_ should be the one in critical condition!"  
" _Don't_ say that. Don't _ever_ say that!" Sam lands in his arms, squeezing him right and letting him cry into her shoulder.  
"Don't _ever_ say that." She repeats in a mumble, wiping her own tears. " _Ever_. They looked over your diagnoses. They're gonna put you on meds, okay? Things to this extreme won't happen again. I promise you."  
"But what about until they _actually_ start working?" Connor breaks the hug to panic more. "Do you know how _long_ that stuff takes? It took a while for _you_."  
"It did. But that's just how it is most of the time, and I can _promise_ you when it does kick in that it is _so_ worth it. Okay? My pills have worked on and off for you. Connor can you _please_ just try this for me?" She's crying again, staring helplessly into his eyes.  
"Yeah. I-I will." He agrees, scratching his teary eyes.  
"B-but wouldn't you guys have to pay for it?"  
"Don't worry about that."  
•••  
As much as Connor wants to listen to the female psychiatrist that's speaking before him at the table in their specialized room, he can't take his eyes off of no one other than Mandy, who sits next to him. They make awkward eye contact, long enough for him to look away in shame.  
"Connor? Does that sound alright to you?" The psychiatrist asks firmly.  
"Huh?" He looks back at her.  
"We're going to start you out on fifteen milligrams of Zoloft. That's one pill daily, then we'll eventually bring you up to twenty five milligrams. You could possibly go up to five hundred, but chances of needing to are almost impossible."  
"Okay. Uh-uh that's...That's fine, yeah."  
"And you'll be paying?" She looks at Mandy.  
"Correct."  
Connor bites his bottom lip.  
"Alright. After the paper work is filled out you will be able to pick up his medication at your local pharmacy. Which location will that be?"  
In inexplicable anxiety and frustration towards himself, Connor gazes away and tunes out the rest of the conversation.  
•••  
Later that evening, he's released from the hospital and gone back to the Montgomery's. "Ready?" Sam asks, Mandy had picking up his ready medication prescription at the local pharmacy. She holds out the bottle in front of his eyes, where they sit next to each other at the kitchen table.  
The adults that consist of Ken, Mandy and Mindee, with Damien and Dylan all surround them inside the room, observing Connor carefully as he swallows down one pill with his glass of water.  
Sierra returns inside, putting her phone away with a heaved sigh.  
"That was Erin's mother," Damien perks up and straightens his posture.  
"She got fired for being high on the job."  
"Oh, I _told_ her pot will make the baby be born with a small head." Sam assumes the less troubling option, Connor automatically sweating and blaming himself over and over.  
"Not pot...Coke."  
While everyone else shows mixed reactions, Connor guiltily leaks out sweat while trying not to fall over.  
"It-it's my fault. She told me she had the Coke but I trusted her to get rid of it. I should've done that myself. Flushed it or something." He worries.  
"She was doing well, Connor. I would've trusted her too." Sierra tries calming him.  
"They said she kept purposely throwing up in the bathroom, too."  
"This is _all_ my fault..." Connor whispers shamefully, wiping forehead sweat with eyes dotted to the floor.  
"Connor, no. They sent her to a rehab to get help. This is _good_. She's gonna get help. We're talking drug abuse and _bulimia_ , here." Mandy chimes in.  
He sighs while sitting up, repeatedly wiping away more sweat.  
"I just hope she ends up okay..."  
"We all do too..." Sam refuses to let her lip quiver.  
•••  
**12/3/16:**  
**Just before thanksgiving, the hospital called and said that the husband and wife got in the car crash when Connor ran into the street-they survived. There's going to be loads of physical therapy, and stuff like that, but they're still gonna be good in the end. Connor couldn't stop crying that night. He sent them six cards, and even visited them in person to endlessly apologize. Fucking sweetheart. I'm glad we're all okay.  
Erin's still managing in rehab. We've visited her a lot and she's actually good. The baby isn't in any danger anymore and hopefully will never have to be again.  
The gender thing is manageable. Things at school have calmed down. I have new shirts that I love.  
Despite everything that's happened, we're all just going to enjoy our holiday. I got Connor and Damien gifts that I think they'll enjoy a lot. I don't really care if they get me anything, but knowing them they will.  
I'm just glad to be around the people I love.  
Sam.**  
•••  
January 14th, 2017:  
"Oh, come _on!_ You did _not_ just do that."  
"That I did." Damien smirks over at Sam with pride, clutching the game controller in his hands inside Connor's new downstairs room of Mandy's recently bought one story, but big spaced house.  
He laughs at their banter, sitting on the far left out of the three of them, on the carpeted floor before the wide screened TV.  
" _You're_ the one that's being a pussy." Damien tells him.  
"I am not! I defended myself the best I could." Sam claims.  
Connor and Damien both laugh at that.  
"Bullshit, Damien sings.  
"Screw you." Sam smiles, restarting the level. "Oh, come on _no!_ You do _not_ get another chance." Damien's eyes roll in Sam's direction. They're all forced to play the level again, Sam smirking as he almost knocks Damien off a ledge.  
"Fuck you." Damien smiles, and uses some of his power to knock Sam back onto the balcony.  
"Oh, you're _paying_ for that!"  
In the middle of Sam and Damien's now not-so-intense battle, Connor gruesomely kills both of them, all of their blood splattering across the screen.  
They yell at him simultaneously.  
"Maybe if you blockheads weren't so focused on destroying each other you would've remembered to watch out for me." He drops his controller as an ending statement.  
They're both speechless.  
During the next level, Sam smiles when Damien is struggling.  
"Frick!" He yells, losing one life.  
"Maybe if you pretended the princess was Erin then you'd be motivated." Sam teases.  
"There _is no princess!"_  
Connor laughs so hard that he loses a life of his own.  
"Wait hold up." Sam pauses the game to look specifically at Damien.  
"You said you visited her yesterday. What happened."  
Connor perks up, smiling widely.  
"Nothing happened, okay?" Damien's beat red.  
"Ohhh _sureee_."  
" _Riiiight_." He's teased by both of them at the same time.  
His phone buzzes on another part of the floor.  
There's intent shock value in Connor's gasp.  
"That her?"  
"No, idiots." Damien scrambles for his phone.  
"It's my Mom. She's here. See ya losers." He stands up and jogs out of the open doored room.  
" _Byeee!"_ Connor yells.  
"Traitor!" Sam smiles, Damien's laugh lasting all the way out the front door, besides when saying a quick goodbye to Mandy in the kitchen.  
"You two get way too intense about that shit." Sam is told.  
"You killed us."  
"That's the _point!_ " He chuckles, moving closer to him so their thighs touch.  
"Did I piss you off without knowing it? Was that your way of getting me back?" Sam smiles.  
"Sure. I'll make it up to you." Connor observes their feminine outfit despite the masculine gender identity.  
"You should." Sam jokes. At that, they laugh.  
"You took your meds, right?" Sam wants another clarification.  
"Yes, Sammy. I've only told you like a _million_ times today." Connor smirks at the exaggeration.  
"Yeah, sure." Sam smiles and climbs on top of him, laying him spread eagle onto the carpet below. Connor shows a cheeky grin, giggling aloud.  
Slowly and tenderly shushing him, Sam puts a finger over Connor's lips, which has them both laugh even more.  
They're kissing lightly, when there's a knock on the front door.  
"Connor, can you get that?" Mandy calls, now from the laundry room.  
"I'm kind of in the middle of something!" Connor smiles when having broken the kiss, making Sam guffaw at the deeper meaning.  
"I'm sure _whatever_ it is you're doing you can stop and have time to answer the door."  
"Uh no it's really important..." He knows he's being irritable now, smiling to himself.  
Sam playfully smirks with gloat, making Connor shush him this time, and hit his shoulder.  
They laugh at each other with whispers.  
There's another knock, and Mandy's sigh is heard all the way across the house.  
The boys are too busy getting back to what they were doing to even concertante on her answering the door and talking to the person there.  
"Connor! There's someone here to see you!"  
Sam pouts when Connor breaks away from him with sheer curiosity on his face while looking out into the open doorway.  
"Who is it?"  
"Connor, enough questions from across the house just come over here."  
'I'll be waiting' Sam mouths with a smile, watching Connor get off of him.  
He snickers when walking out of the room, Sam watching him as he sits up.  
"He said he wanted to speak to you." Connor can't tell who Mandy's talking about at first when he enters the kitchen, but all signs point to Jude when he sees him standing in the doorway.  
He swears all of his muscles almost shut down, including his heart. Most body parts grow sweaty.  
Jude actually looks pretty cleaned up. So, _not stoned_ like he remembers him.  
"Hey." He speaks, Connor almost jumping.  
Sam, who had decided to walk into the room to see who it is, doesn't like the face he recognizes.  
He and Jude make quick eye contact, in which he turns away from, not wanting to make things more awkward than they already are.  
Connor notices Sam's presence and bites his bottom lip.  
"I know it's been a while, but, can we talk?" Jude steps into the house and closes the door, Connor's body practically radiating.  
"Uhh yeah." He has no idea what this could be about, besides saying he's sorry for the chaotic events that had happened because his moms and sisters paid him to.  
Mandy gives Sam a look insisting it's best they leave, but he's not having it.  
Connor doesn't know whether he should fume or laugh, at his clear jealousy.  
Another look, and they're both walking into the dining room to eavesdrop.  
The look on Sam's face is already miserable.  
Connor and Jude are automatically quiet for about six seconds, once they're left alone.  
"So, what, you were in the neighborhood?" Connor starts off.  
Jude chuckles. "School trip."  
"Another one?"  
"Yup. No tents this time, though."  
Connor almost falls over with eyebrows raised high, not knowing how the hell he' s supposed to respond to that.  
"Right..."  
"My, uh, moms got your new address. Callie told us, about everything, that happened..."  
"Yeah."  
"Uh, it's terrible. We're all sorry. I've never experienced anything that intense, but, you're pretty brave for getting through that."  
"Thanks..."  
"And, uh, about the way I treated you when you got back-that was a really shitty move. Same goes for the incident in the bowling alley lot."  
It flashes through Connor's mind, face heating up with anger at what Jude had did. Throwing the necklace. Shoving Sammy.  
"I'm sure Sam knows you're very sorry." He still can't decide if he should be blunt or understanding.  
"Yeah, uh, that was him back there right?"  
"Yup."  
"Well tell him he doesn't need to pounce. I'm not the dick I once was."  
Hearing that in the other room, Sam rolls his eyes. Mandy glares at him.  
"Will do." Connor forces a chuckle. "After everything, he's just, really protective ya know..."  
"Yeah, totally. Well, I should get back before I get in trouble. It, was, uh, nice seeing you again Connor."  
"Yeah, uh, you too." Connor takes a few steps closer. "Glad to see you've gotten better."  
"Yeah. You too. And hey-if you ever, like, wanna hang out or something; I dunno. Call me or something."  
"Okay, yeah. Sure." Connor isn't opposed to the idea.  
Mandy has to cover Sam's own mouth.  
Flashing a few more smiles with a not so regular colored face, Jude gazes into his eyes for a matter of seconds before turning away and finally leaving.  
Connor can't tell if another weight's been dropped over him, or one got taken off.  
" _Jesus_..." He whispers, grasping his thoughts.  
On the other side of the door, Jude wants to kick himself for making the mistake of letting him go.  
He takes one last look at the knob, considering the risky and desperate option.  
Calmly exhaling, he comes to the terms that the way things are right now are the way they're meant to be.  
That doesn't mean he doesn't curse himself out the entire way back.  
He won't ever forget Connor Stevens.  
Neither will a lot of people.  
•••  
The second Jude closed that door on the way out, was the second Sam pounced back into the room, Mandy exasperatedly following in his footsteps.  
"Why was he _here?_ "  
"Did you not _hear_ the entire conversation?" Connor loves that this is getting to him.  
"'If you ever wanna hang out some time you should call me'" Sam even badly mimics his voice, Mandy and Connor both laughing.  
"Bullshit, Connor." Sam finishes, Con's smile growing bigger.  
"Oh, come _on_ " he smiles, stretching on the end of the last word.  
He rushes over and lifts Sam up, having them giggle and Mandy smile.  
"You're so _jealous_."  
" _No_."  
"That is like, the _exact_ definition of jealous!" Connor yells, and Sam laughs.  
"Not to worry, Sam." Mandy chuckles in content, walking back into the laundry room.  
"Besides," Connor continues, lightly pressing Sam up against the nearest wall, the two smiling at each other like crazy.  
"You're the only person I wanna love," he carries him all the way back into the room quietly closing the door, laying over him on the same floor.  
"Hold," he brings their bodies and faces closer, eyes falling directly to his lips.  
"Kiss," he pecks them with his own, and Sam punches his shoulder with a laugh.  
"And make mine." Connor whispers into his right ear, climbing down him and pulling down his sweatpants so he doesn't have to.  
Sam's eyes are already rolling into the back of his head, resting so onto the floor in relaxation.  
He has to cover his mouth more than ever while his back completely arches into the air, when Connor's taken full control.  
Palm now forced away, he lets himself release small pants.  
He has to tighten all parts of his body to not make one vocal sound, toes curling and fists gripping onto Connor's hair to guide him.  
Guard down, his body lurches and mouth dropping open when Connor gets to that one spot.  
Tears practically stain his eyes, knowing that he _cannot_ let Connor finish him off. He's gonna be heard no matter _how_ many hands are over his mouth, not to mention the mess that'll be made if Connor doesn't stop.  
"Connor, mm-y-you're-" he holds onto the top of his head how, releasing small moans.  
"Your Mom's gonna hear-Oh god!" At that moment he doesn't care how loud he is. All he knows is that Connor can't stop at this rate.  
But alas, he does.  
"Um..." Connor's looking up at him, now.  
"N-never mind it's fine keep going...!" Sam's desperate for that one sensation, regretting having him stop.  
"Did you just call Mandy my _Mom?_ " Sam doesn't seem to get how badly serious this is to Connor.  
"Whoopsies, my mistake get back to what you were doing-" Sam touches his head again, but Connor smacks away his hand.  
"Kinky," Sam tries to humor the mood, smiling weakly.  
"Mandy is _not_ my Mom, Sam. I love her but she will never be my Mom." He's overly defensive, full offense in his tone.  
"I was about to _get_ _off._ I wasn't exactly focused on what I was saying."  
"Well, just, don't call her that okay?"  
"Alright, alright. Sorry. You knew what I meant." Sam's irritated at his reaction.  
"You don't even _care_." Connor accuses.  
"I just don't see the big deal!"  
"' _Big_ _deal'?!_ "  
"Connor..." Sam's sigh is dramatic. "I know Mandy will never be your actual Mom. But you _can't_ let what happened to your real one affect your relationships with people. You've been distancing yourself from her."  
Connor deeply gets lost into his eyes.  
"I'm sorry I snapped. I just got really self conscious." He takes both his hands, pulling him closer.  
"Quit always knowing what to say." He smirks.  
"Oh, shut up." Sam laughs, Connor showing an ear to ear grin.  
"So, are you gonna finish me off, or...?" Sam smirks, and Connor cackles.  
"I mean, if you insist," he teases, climbing back down Sam and biting his top lip at the sight.  
Sam smiles at the satisfaction already making his way in, and rests down his head again.  
In the middle of actually finishing him off, Connor has the nerve to stop and look back up at him.  
"What the _fuck_ Connor?" Sam pants, catching his breath. "Fine, if you don't make it happen then I will." He's about to reach down and relentlessly stroke himself, but Connor grabs onto his wrists and holds them back.  
"Wait."  
" _Yes_ , Connor?"  
"I just thought of something."  
"You 'just thought of something' while I was about to blow my load on your face?"  
"I think it's time I visit my Dad..."  
Sam turns automatically sincere. "Oh, um, I think you should. It's been so long. You're brave, Connor. You really are."  
He chuckles at the compliment. "I don't usually think about my Dad while blowing my boyfriend, but..."  
Sam cringes but laughs altogether.  
" _Speaking_ of blowing your boyfriend..." Sam takes Connor's head and puts him back to business.  
He moans and curses his name over and over, thrusting himself into the air while Connor cleans up the mess with his own mouth.  
Taking down his own pants/boxers and ruthlessly rubbing himself, he yells out while sending all sorts of stains onto Sam's shirt and bare legs.  
"Holy _shit_." Sam whispers, getting him up and pulling him in for a series of long kisses.  
"She probably heard us." He whispers in-between one.  
"You mean my Mom?" Connor teases, and they giggle, sharing another one.  
"She's probably rolling in her grave," Sam smiles once they've finished and are catching for breath.  
"You should probably change your shirt..." He smiles, observing the mess cockily.  
Sam laughs, automatically taking it off and using it to clean the mess on his legs.  
Connor almost gives them another mess to clean, holding back a whimper at the sight.  
"Get on one of my shirts before I attack you."  
•••  
When Mandy asks why Sam is wearing one of Connor's flannel shirts, they lie and say that Sam spilt sauce on his own one.  
"Uhhh okay," she knows what kind of truth they're hiding, but doesn't want to make them uncomfortable.  
"You guys were loud." She brings up.  
"What?" The two ask together, bodies slouching and eyes dimming.  
"While playing video games. With Damien. You three never shut up." She clarifies, chortling and walking over to the kitchen sink.  
That's not just what she meant by that, but doesn't exactly want to push it.  
"You guys wanna get a bite to eat?"  
Connor nods, Sam vocally approving.  
"Okay! I just gotta clean out the front seat. When you gotta be home?" She looks at Sam.  
"My Dad said before midnight."  
"Okay, sounds good. Decide and you can meet me out there. She turns away from them and walks out the front door.  
Connor grins at what's about to be said.  
"Maybe Jude and his class will be there." He smirks at Sam, who entirely shuts down at the thought.  
"Shut _up!_ " He smiles, face beat red with envy and body sweating.  
Connor laughs, pulling him over by his shoulders so that they're only inches apart.  
"I can't tell whether your jealousy is annoying or insanely adorable." Again he smirks, Sam giggling.  
"Both." He concludes, before Connor lifts him up again. At that moment he feels invincible; like there's nothing he can't do because of him. That it's just them against the world.  
"It's pretty much impossible for you to stop being so jealous." He teases.  
"With you anything's possible."  
It takes many hesitant moments for those words to kick into Connor. To embark on his soul, and sink into his mind.  
Finally, he takes those words to heart.  
•••  
January 15th:  
He has chills all the way walking down to that one chair he'll have to sit in, where the phone he'll have to grab and talk into remains with that glass, and the figure who sits behind it in an orange jumpsuit and guilt stricken to his entire face.  
He's late.  
His heart drops feeling contact with the seat, wrist shaking while taking the phone. He stares him dead in the eyes, cold earpiece touching the said body part.  
"Hi Dad..."  
Adam almost tears up. "You look great, Connor."  
"Thanks. Um...I'm sorry it took me a while to, get around to this...Did you get my letter?"  
"Of course. I still keep it with me."  
Connor's smile is sad, despite it still being a smile.  
"How is everyone? How are you?"  
"Me? I'm getting there. Meds are working. Uh, Erin's in rehab...Sam's Mom sh--she killed herself."  
"Oh my God."  
"Yeah, she-" he doesn't exactly want to spare details.  
"She had issues."  
That's an understatement.  
"But I'm glad to be home. He's doing okay."  
"So Sam's good? Everything with you guys are good?"  
"Yeah." This rings his smile is a true smile.  
"Good. How's school?"  
"Fine. I'm gonna do football again next semester."  
"That's nice. I'm glad you'll have something to focus on."  
Nodding, Connor has no idea what to say next.  
"Um, I'm still kind of mad at you for being in here. Like--I want to be able to physically see you, again. I mean, you could've just tied him up or something."  
Adam let's out a mere chuckle. "Yeah, I could have. I'm sorry for hurting you the way I did."  
"You didn't hurt me. You _saved_ me. Maybe it was a little extreme, but-"  
This is the first time they've laughed together in months.  
"But, thank you for caring for me..."  
"Always will."  
Connor smiles.  
"How are things with Mandy?"  
"Good. She's uh, she's great. She's not _doing_ great, but she's great to me...I miss her." He's now talking about someone else.  
Adam turns grim. "I miss her too, bud."  
"A _lot_." His son's voice cracks, forcing back tears and the lump in his throat.  
"I know, bud. I'm sorry..."  
But it's _not_ fine. Now tongue tied, Connor nods in response with knots inside his stomach.  
He regrets not saying something else, because in that moment it's announced that time is up. Again, he was late.  
By the fall of his face, Adam sees that Connor doesn't want to go just yet.  
"It's okay. We'll see each other again soon...When will I see you again?"  
Connor doesn't have an answer for that.  
"I-I love you, Dad..."  
"I love you too, Connor. I love you _so_ much."  
' _Maybe_ _a little_ _too_ _much_.' Connor keeps the words inside his head.  
The moment he puts that telephone back on the holder, is the moment his heart shatters.  
He takes one last look at his father, but doesn't look back once while officially exiting onto bare land.  
They don't live happily ever after.  
Nor do they live tragically ever after.  
They simply live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever want a sequel, I've always had one in mind.  
> If you want simple Connor/Sam, Connor living his life, or even jonnor oneshots, AU's, etc, feel free to request.  
> Thank you.  
> You can always critique/criticize below.


End file.
